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Okay so to speed things up this chapter is not beta'd yet. I am posting it and when my beta finishes editing it I will replace it. So be nice my mad beta has not worked her magic on this chapter yet.

Richelle Mead owns it all, I just play with some of her stuff.

My Milaya Chapter 12

Rose POV

I sat down on the couch and tried to catch my breath. I was sad to see them leave, but also relieved. Being around him was making my brain fuzzy; I can't believe just twenty-four hours ago I didn't even know anything about his life, what a difference a day makes.

I can't believe he thought I would reject Zander, that boy was so sweet how anyone could not love him was beyond me. I now see why I had such a connection to Z, he was a mini Dimitri. Seeing Dimitri as a dad was amazing, I always knew he'd be a great parent. He was right to leave me I was a genetic mute and could not give him a child, he was meant to be a father. Seeing him with Z and even the girls proved this to me. I was more depressed now than ever, I could never give him a child. I am sure he would have had more if Tasha had not died. I bet it's just a matter of time before one of these twenty or thirty something Moroi hags realize he's on the market and they offer to give him another child.

I shook my head I needed to let all of this shit go already. I was with Jake now and we were committed and I would never feel worthy enough to be with Dimitri knowing he would want more kids. I was unworthy of his love and could never give him the family he wanted. Friends…yes we could friends and he would let me keep seeing Zander so life was good, right? Ugh I need a drink.

As I walked to the restaurant I texted Alberta: Going in a little early I need a drink meet me in the bar.

She got right back: I am on my way a drink sounds good.

I ordered my drink with some chips and salsa and waited for Alberta, we were having dinner to catch up.

That's when I heard them behind me. "Oh I hope Dimitri comes out tonight I am dying to get my hands on him, he escaped me at the academy and I am bound and determined to have him."

I heard the other girl moan a little. "Yes he is hunky, but I'll take his buddy Jake, those blue bedroom eyes kept undressing me the other day when we had a drink with them."

WTF she had a drink with Jake. I had to check these girls out. They were Moroi, tall blonde, of course and they looked slutty, I guessed they were around Dimitri's and Jake's age.

"Can we help you Dhampir?" The one with shorter hair asked.

"Uh no."

"What are you staring at?" The other one asked.

I snorted little and rolled my eyes. "Not much."

"How dare you talk to us like that, we are Royals." I nodded and headed towards Alberta who I just saw enter the bar.

"Hey Rose by the looks on those girls faces seems like you're making friends tonight."

"Yeah you know me."

"Well watch it they are Royal, Badica sisters, local Moroi sluts." Alberta winked at me. She was so different towards all of us since we graduated the academy.

She pulled me into a hug. "It's so good to see you. Come on I got us a table let's eat."

We chatted and did some small talk and then ordered our food. I could tell she was chomping at the bit to ask me about Dimitri.

"So Rose how are you?"

I shrugged. "I guess as good as can be expected."

"So have you spoken to Belikov?"

"Yeah he spent the night last night and we spent the day together making cookies with the twins and his son." She sprayed her drink all over the table in shock. "What" She gave me the mother look and said. "Explain." Alberta was a woman of few words.

I explained everything to her, she listened intently and nodded and mmhmd every now and then.

"Huh" Yep a woman of few words. I shrugged.

"So friends? Is that possible, I've been around you two and the attraction was so apparent and that was when your love was forbidden, what will it be like now that you guys can actually be together and he not go to jail? And what are you going to tell Jake?"

"I am going to tell Jake, but not sure how or when, I think the sooner the better. And the rest I don't think will be a problem. He broke my heart once, whenever I get the urge to jump him I'll just remember all the tears I shed."

She gave me a skeptical look. "Well you are taking this better than I expected."

I shrugged. "There's not much I can do about it now so I decided not to stress out about it." I looked towards the Royal sluts in the bar area flirting with anyone they could make eye contact with. "So tell me about those two." I pointed towards the blond bimbos.

She proceeded to tell me Iris and Beth Badica and their surly reputations. My skin crawled a little bit remembering how they were talking about Jake and Dimitri like they were possessions to be had. They had such an elitist personality like they should be allowed to have these men if they wanted them just because they were Moroi.

I think what bothered me the most was that they were Moroi and not genetic defects like me. Those two could give the two men I loved something I never could and it made me hate them.

"Rose really they are nothing, just a couple of Moroi sluts who think they are better than they are because of their name. Trust me honey Jake is so head over heels for you he'll never stray, especially for those two."

I grimaced, I knew Jake loved me, but I just felt so futile. "Yes I know Lover Boy loves me, but I just feel I don't know, you know?"

"You know I was in love once."

"Really?"

"Yes his name was Henry he was a Guardian like us. We met at Court during some grand Moroi conference. I struggled with my feelings and my duty, I am sure you can relate."

I smiled and nodded for her to continue.

She took a calming breath. "Anyways after a few years into the relationship I felt very inadequate as well. It was hard, we were apart a lot, but when we were together we made it count. I loved him so much the thought of combining ourselves and creating a life was something I dreamed about. He didn't care though, but I still felt unworthy of his love. Our lifestyle didn't really accommodate us having a child and not being together full time, but still once I found my soul mate I wanted to have a family."

I nodded I knew exactly how she felt.

"What happened?"

"He was killed, his convoy was attacked by Strigoi, he protected a high level Moroi they were a target…" She trailed off.

My heart wrenched for her. "Alberta I am so sorry."

She shook her head. "It was a long time ago I miss him, but I made my peace. And I will see him again and he's with me in my heart.

After I lost him I didn't feel I was at the top of my game so I transferred to the academy and decided to make it my life's work to create the best Guardians around, superior Strigoi killing machines." She smiled and I knew our heavy conversation was over.

The rest of dinner was nice and we got caught up. Alberta loved me so she did me a great favor! Since she was in charge for now she got me out of ward inspection duty. I was so happy I did my own version of Z's happy dance.

I went home and got ready for bed. As I got in bed I pulled the pillow next to me and cuddled with it. It smelled like Dimitri and holding it smelling his heady scent made me think of what it was like in his arms, pretending we were together and a happy family. I fell asleep remembering the way it felt to be in his arms, secure, safe and loved. I was in trouble.

I felt like I was floating, it was a beach our beach. My heart wrenched a little, Adrian; he had to be here watching. He always liked to watch me at the beginning of our dreamwalks. It had been awhile and I almost forgot how stunning our beach was. We had plans to come to this beach right before I broke it off with him. Right before we were to leave for our trip to visit our beach I broke up with him, I had a sinking feeling he was going to propose. I know I broke his heart that night and I hated myself; I knew how horrible that felt. But I knew it was the right thing in the end and I had to do it since I could never be what he wanted and needed. Even though I knew this deep down it still hurt us both like hell.

Eventually he was able to be my friend again. Then he met Emma, I was so glad he moved on before I did. A few months later I started to really get to know Jake, we had taking up sparring together and he covered for Brett or Eddie, he was our choice stand in Guardian. He was a badass and we needed that to protect Lissa. He wanted more than friendship from me for so long and I never gave in, then one day I just relented.

Adrian's snickering pulled me out of my deep thoughts. I looked at him and he gave me his sexy smirk.

"What?"

"Oh you don't realize what you're wearing I guess?"

I had on a barely there bikini and my tattoo was conveniently missing, Adrian hated that tattoo. I never confirmed what it meant, but I know deep down he knew.

"Nice, Adrian if Jake saw this you'd be his punching bag for a day."

He came and sat down on my queen sized beach bed and pulled me into a full body hug. "Well good thing Jake is not here and our dreamwalks are just for us."

I pulled away and smirked at him. "Yes. And thanks for bringing me here, I've missed this place."

"You know we can still go here for real, it's not too late."

I gave him a sad look confirming it was too late. "Fine I'll let it go. I brought you here to see if you were okay. You know with the whole Belikov thing. Are you mad at all of us?"

I sighed and laid down pulling Adrian with me. We cuddled on the day bed, but it was friendly and we both knew it. "Um yeah I talked to Liss and Alberta and I understand I just feel sort of foolish for being in the dark and everyone having to treat me like a porcelain doll that's going to crack easily."

He rubbed small circles in my hand. "Little Dhampir we all just care so much about you and wanted to protect you."

I snorted. "Yeah the protector needs to be protected I guess."

He looked at me with his gorgeous emerald eyes that looked tired and sorry. "Sorry…"

I held onto his face. "Look it's over I am cool. I just want to move on with my life and forget all this."

I proceeded to tell him the events over the last two days and he snarled a little when I mentioned Dimitri spending the night. I explained to him how we were going to be friends and I was still with Jake.

He was the good friend like always and sat and listened, eventually I woke up and our time was over. I felt great after talking with Adrian I woke up feeling clear headed and knew what I needed to do.

I woke up and went on my run. I had a new resolve; I was not going to let Dimitri Belikov send my life into a tailspin. He'd done it once and scarred me bad; I was not giving him the power to do it again. I was happy with my life with Jake, Lissa, Christian and the twins, my job, my guarding partners. This was just another bump in the road and when Jake came home I was going to come clean so we could move on.

I had some laundry and cleaning to do, it was my weekend off and I wanted to get ready and make a nice dinner Monday night for Jake. I especially wanted to wash my sheets, I didn't want them smelling like Dimitri since I knew Jake would probably spend that first night back with me. I found Alexis' blanket and Annabel's favorite binky got left behind, I decided later I would drop them off with my stuff. I was staying at Lissa's Tuesday through Sunday and wanted to take my stuff over so I didn't have to take it to work with me.

Christian usually made Italian on Sunday nights so I was secretly hoping I would get there just in time for dinner and maybe get an invite to stay and eat. Of course I would never admit to him that I loved his cooking.

I walked right into Lissa's house since I never knocked and once I saw who was there I wished I had stayed at home. "Hey Liss I brought my stuff for next week and the girls - " I abruptly stopped seeing as I felt like a total moron.

Dimitri, his Mom Olena, Alberta, Brett, Eddie, Christian, Lissa, Zander and the girls were just sitting down to a big happy family dinner, without me. I felt unwelcome and a stranger in what I always thought of as my second home.

Lissa jumped up and came over to me. She was talking to me through our bond. Oh my god Rose please don't be hurt or mad about this. I wanted to invite you I swear I thought about it, but I was just worried it was too much too soon for you. We've haven't seen them in awhile and we wanted to get caught up and we have Zander's Christmas and birthday gifits. I am so sorry. Are you mad?

I hugged her and whispered. "No worries I am just going to dump this stuff in the closet and I'll be gone in two seconds." I was trying to hide my hurt, but Lissa knew me, she could see right through my façade.

Just then Zander and the girls spotted me. He ran towards me and practically knocked me down and at the same time the girls starting squawking like crazy. Brett jumped up to take my stuff and stow it away, we'd be switching spots on Tuesday.

"Laya I missed you." I pulled away and rubbed his hair a lovingly, I was sitting down now and he was on my lap.

"Silly, I saw you yesterday and I'll see you tomorrow."

He shrugged. "I still missed you." I gave him a sideways hug. Then the girls starting freaking, they were already in their high chairs eating strawberries.

I got up, held Zander's hand and pulled him along with me to go say hello to the little squirts. I gave them both a kiss on the forehead and said hello and goodbye.

"Okay well I just wanted to drop that stuff off, I have to go, bye." I tried to make a quick getaway, but everyone piped up at once asking me to stay, especially Z.

He stomped his feet and gave me a cute pout. "No you just got here you can't leave."

I squatted down to his level. "Hey little man I have to go, but I will see you early tomorrow morning. I got an in at the Guardian office and I don't have to do ward inspection anymore so I'll be with you all day." I winked at Alberta, she smiled, Z cheered while Dimitri seemed to be staring at me intently. It was a little creepy he didn't take his eyes off of me since I walked in the door.

I said a quick goodbye gave a few hugs and was out of there in record time. I thought I was free and clear until I heard someone come out the door to follow me. It was Dimitri I could smell him.

He cleared his throat. "Um Roza can I talk to you for a minute?"

I turned and tried to give him a genuine smile. "Sure what's up?"

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, it was weird to see Dimitri nervous he was always so cool and collected. "I feel like I am kicking you out of your second home. I know Lissa didn't want to invite you since you might feel uncomfortable, but we decided to be friends for this exact reason. " He brushed some hair off my forehead and I shivered at his touch. "Please stay and have dinner with your family."

I was so taken aback at how quickly the air between us heated up, the warm feeling hummed between us, almost electric. I was so tongue tied all I could do was nod and follow him into the apartment.

We went back inside and had a nice dinner. Olena was very friendly, she asked me a lot of questions and I saw her giving me and Dimitri knowing looks like she knew a secret. I liked her a lot, but it was a little creepy. Z and the girls were the best. Lissa put him in a booster seat between the girls and when they got full and bored they decide to take their messy hands and rub them in Z's hair.

He shook his head. "Yuck babies…" He let out a frustrated sigh.

Olena laughed at him. "Oh don't worry your little tuches, we'll get you cleaned up."

I looked confused. Dimitri who was to my right whispered in my ear. "It means bottom or butt." I nodded and smiled at Z's distress over being messy and the babies getting him all yucked up.

"Lissa I can give the girls a bath and then Dimitri can give Zander one."

"Hey why can't you give me a bath too?" He huffed and crossed his arms in a frustrated manner.

I grimaced. "Well I don't know you're a boy and I am not a relative and I don't know is that okay – "

Dimitri cut me off. "Why don't Roza and I give the three kids a bath and then Momma can help clean up." Everyone agreed and we took the three little ones to the bathroom to get them cleaned up.

Since Dimitri was in the room I felt better about being around a naked Zander. I was new to this kid thing and was not sure all the rules were.

The kids were so cute in the bath; I took some pictures of them, but made sure that I didn't capture any of their private parts. I didn't want them hating me when they were older for showing off their naked pictures.

As we go the kids cleaned up I remembered I needed to talk to Dimitri. "Hey Dimitri do you think you could walk home with me, I need to speak to you about something?"

"Sure Roza, everything okay?"

I nodded. "Yes everything is fine."

He nodded and seemed to believe me, but I could see his wheels spinning.

Lissa thankfully had some new pajamas for Zander so we didn't have to put his dirty clothes back on him. Lissa helped me get the girls down to bed while Christian entertained their guests.

We came out and Zander was asleep on Dimitri's lap, he sipped coffee and rubbed Z's hair lovingly. He looked so cute holding his little mini-me, I mentally took a picture of them so I would never forget how adorable they looked.

"Momma do you think you can get Z home I need to walk Roza home we have some Guardian business to discuss." I wonder if he sensed what I wanted to talk about or just said that it was about Guardian business so not to embarrass me?

"I can walk Olena home and carry Zander." Eddie offered he was such a good guy.

Dimitri and I said a quick goodbye and we were off.

We walked in comfortable silence until he decided to start. "So Roza what did you need to speak to me about?"

I looked towards his worried face. "Well I know you are doing the OMP and I wanted to ask you if you would request to be assigned to Lissa?"

He looked thoughtful for a minute. "Yes you and are I are on the same page I want to be assigned to her as well. I don't trust anyone else with her safety, but I do have one issue?" Oh shit is it that he doesn't want to work with me?

Now I was the one that looked worried. "Okay, so um can I ask what your one issue is?"

"Ivashkov."

"Oh"

He only nodded. I knew Dimitri he was probably staying quiet knowing that he couldn't say anything nice about my sexy Royal Moroi and so it was best he stay silent.

"You know he's not so bad, really. Um after you um left if it wasn't for him I don't think I would have made it. I had Lissa, Christian, Eddie and Alberta, but Adrian was my rock. He seriously kept me afloat."

Dimitri looked sick to him stomach. "I am sorry I didn't mean to go there, but I just thought you should know."

"Thank you Roza. I will put my feelings for him aside for you and Lissa. But just so you know I still don't like him, no matter how great he was to you."

"Okay well that's all I can ask. So I guess this means we'll be working together after all."

"Yes Roza we will and I couldn't think of a better partner. " He gave me his beautiful smile; I felt my whole body warm.

We walked in silence again; we were almost to my apartment. "You know Roza since we are going to be working together again we should probably start training again, you know just so we can be more effective, for our Moroi's sake." I saw right through him he wanted to train with me again and I was torn. Part of me was dying to do it, but part of me was nervous. Could I be that close to him on a regular basis and keep my feelings in check.

As we walked up to my door I realized our time was over and Jake would be home soon. Thinking of Jake made me realize that yes I could train with Dimitri, having around Jake would keep us both in check.

We got my door. "Goodnight Roza."

I looked into his eyes and saw some of the old Dimitri and some of the new Dimitri and I liked what I saw, Dimitri my new friend. I pulled him into a hug and I heard him take in a shocked breath. "Thank you Comrade."

He pulled away and looked stunned. "You called me Comrade."

I nodded. "Yep if we are going to train then I guess that's going to be my name for you again. You know Z is not the only one who has nick names for people." He threw his head back and laughed bigger than I had ever seen.

It was nice to see him relaxed and laughing with me, maybe we really could be friends.

I hated to bring him down again, but I had to tell him so he could prepare. "Um yeah and there's one more thing. I am going to tell Jake sooner than later, but you know since nothing really happened between us there's not much to tell."

He looked like I had just staked him. "Okay Roza I understand I will be prepared."

"Goodnight Dimitri."

"Goodnight Roza."

He walked off looking sullen and sad. I hated to do that to him, but I had to remind him that Jake was a factor, he was my boyfriend and I had to tell him if I was going to be able to move on and have a real chance with Jake.

My little pep talk was supposed to make me feel better, but I felt like complete shit. I took a shower and cried myself to sleep.

For a second I thought I was in a dream. I woke up with Lover Boy playing our game, peppering me with kisses.

"Jake!" I yelped and wrapped my arms around him. "You're home."

He chuckled. "Well it's nice to see you too babe, but I have some bad news, that was your worst time ever."

I tackled him. "Why you." I kissed him passionately when I smelt roses and lavender on him.

I abruptly pulled away. "Why do you smell like Adrian's grandmother's garden?"

He looked a little sheepish, shit not a good sign. "Uh the charge I was with fell asleep on me on the plane and I didn't want to wake her and disturb her sleep."

I pushed him off me. "What?" He never had come home smelling like a charge, he must have gotten really close to her.

"Babe stop, it was nothing."

"It doesn't smell like nothing."

He tried to hug me, but I pushed him away. "No, either go shower or go home."

He was tired and I was being unreasonable and that was not good mix. He got up and started to walk out. "Where are you going?"

"I am going to go home to wash Soraya Mazur's smell off me and then I am going to bed until you calm down and can be the reasonable adult I know you are."

I was pissed. "Fine go. I hope the wonderful Soraya Mazur" I said her name nastily. "Keeps you warm at night."

He walked out without another word and I threw my pillow at him, jerk. He was already out of the room so didn't even get to see my pathetic display of 12 year oldness of throwing my feather soft pillow at him.

I looked at the clock and realized I didn't have to be at work for four more hours and even though I tried my best to go back to sleep I couldn't. I tossed and turned a little while longer and realized it was hopeless so I gave up and decided to go to the gym. I needed to let off some steam and beating the crap out of some dummies always did the trick.

I got to the gym and expected it to be deserted due to the early hour, but as soon as I walked in I saw him. "Dimitri what are you doing here?"

So unless you want Roza to throw a virtual feather pillow at you then you better leave me some love in a review LOL…I loved that visual.

So what did you guys think of Jake's weekend assignment, Soraya Mazur?

Up next is the Russian God and he's much bolder now unlike he was at St. Vlad's ; ) I am sure you can all use your imagination of how his boldness might come out : )