Thanks for the reviews! I am still unsure of where this story is going, but I do know there are at least two more chapters.
As I was writing this chapter, a very old song came to mind. I will be using the lyrics at some point, and if you want to guess the song title/artist, go right ahead, and the first person to successfully do it will win a surprise!
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created Twilight and the characters. The song wasn't written by me, and I will let you know in the next chapter who did. No copywriting intended!
I am walking from lunch to Biology, holding hands with Edward, like always. It is quite obvious that we are a couple now, everyone stares. Some of the people stare in a bitchy, how dare she kind of way, and others are just shocked to see Edward so close to someone not in his 'family.' I wonder if the looks bother Edward but he is always smiling that crooked smile that leaves my mind scattered, so I never get around to asking. He normally asks me something to distract me or kisses me softly, so the thought is pushed far away for a while.
We sit down at our table and Edward pulls me closer to him. It is so different from the first few weeks of school in Forks, where Edward was gripping the desk so as to not attack me. His arm lightly wraps around my waist as we whisper to each other. His firm lips find my hair often and he breathes me in. Each time, I shiver in pleasure and I am sure he silently laughs because I feel his body softly rocking.
As Mr. Banner lectured the class, Edward whispered sweet things to me. Today was no different.
"You make my heart feel alive, my Bella." Edward whispers, his breath cool on my ear.
"I feel complete with you, my Edward." I tell him, blushing deeply.
"Don't blush, love, never be ashamed of your feelings." He tells me.
"That's not why I was blushing," I tell him.
"Oh?" He asks, tensing up a bit.
"I was thinking about last night…I truly am sorry, love." I apologize again.
"There is nothing you would ever need to apologize for, love."
"I practically seduced you!" I whisper, blushing deeper still. I shudder, remembering last night.
Edward came over for 'dinner' with Charlie and I, like most nights. Edward and Charlie watched basketball on the TV, for some male bonding time, while I did my history assignment after the meal was cleaned up. He formally left around eight with his Volvo and was back in my room by ten thirty. We were cuddling, I was wrapped up in the comforter, and he was on top the covers, holding me tightly.
Last night, Edward was letting me ask the questions, for once. I was started out asking about Alice and Jasper. Their relationship seems so casual at school, but outside school, they have an intense relationship, something so close and personal that I feel bad just watching them gaze at each other, or even just hugging. Edward didn't really want to talk about that relationship, although he agrees with me about the uncomfortable way it can be, how close they are. He mentioned that before he met me, he never understood how much one person can mean to you. How important one life can be, and how essential my life has become to his existence. I was intensely flattered by his confession, and, of course I didn't know what to say.
I changed the subject somewhat, asking about Emmett and Rosalie next. It is very obvious they are in love, they are very physical and everyone can see their attraction. Edward mentioned that they sometimes live separately from the family, as a married couple. This is where it gets embarrassing. I asked if Emmett and Rosalie being married, you know, had sex. I think if Edward could blush, he would have at this moment in time. He played it off very casually, and I give him points for that one. He took his time, but eventually he said that though vampires and humans are very different, there are some basics that carry over from the human life. I took that to mean, yes, vampires do have sex and Emmett and Rosalie are no exception. I couldn't help but wonder out loud, 'would we ever be able to…' and I felt Edward tense up, becoming the stone his skin resembles, unmoving.
I don't know what got into me, but I turned around in my little cocoon, wrapping my arm around his waist. 'I don't mean now, Edward, just a general thing.' I tell him, and then I kiss him, hungrily. My words and my actions clearly said two different things. My mind was torn between the two options. At first, Edward was the frozen, unresponsive stone. Then he gasped and tried to pull back. I don't think he was actually that earnestly trying because I managed to keep my warm lips locked down on his. As I kiss him, I kick my way out of the comforter and wrap one leg around his body. He begins kissing me back, our tongues exploring. My hands tug eagerly at his shirt. Finally, Edward stops me, taking both my hands in one of his and removing my leg with another. Panting, I frown. I was mad at us both: myself for losing control so wildly and at Edward for being responsible enough for stopping.
I apologized a million times and Edward said it wasn't my fault each time. It was my hormones, the late hour, the topic, even his fault, but never once did allow me to say it was me to blame. Eventually he left, so I could rest. I feel so guilty, I know what could have happened, he is one thousand times stronger than me, he could crush me in an instant, but I wanted him so badly. I don't know why I did that, practically attack Edward, I am very, very happy with our relationship as it is.
"Isn't that normal" Edward whispers, "wanting to be so close to your boyfriend?" He explains, calling me back to Biology class.
"But you aren't normal, and I should realize that by now. Please forgive me Edward!"
"Do you want a normal boyfriend whom you can make love with?" Edward asks, and I suppose he could have taken my response in that manner.
"NO! I want you, Edward, only you and forever you." I tell him, looking intently into his eyes, trying to make him see the truth in my words.
"Are you certain?" Edward asks, sounding very doubtful and cautious.
"This isn't the place for a discussion like this." I choke out, barely holding the tears in.
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I am cleaning up after my dinner with Charlie, hurriedly washing the dishes. Edward and I need to have our talk this evening, continue the conversation we started in Biology. I saw Alice after school and she told me everything will work out, I just need to remember to be patient. Her kind words bolster my confidence, and reassure me that I am doing the right thing.
"Dad, I'm exhausted, I'm going to bed early tonight." I tell Charlie with a quick peck on his forehead as I walk through the living room.
"Are you sure you're alright kiddo? You've looked uneasy all night." Charlie asks, being the observant parent for once.
"Just really tired, Dad. I didn't sleep well last night and it's really catching up to me." I tell him, starting up the stairs.
"Okay, hope you sleep better tonight." He tells me and I really hope I can sleep tonight.
As I open the door to my bedroom, I am suddenly nervous. Will Edward be there? Or am I going to have to wait another sleepless night, worried about our relationship. I flick on the lights and see Edward lying on my bed. Surprisingly, seeing that he came didn't relieve any of my worries. He was lying on my bed, but it looked strained like he didn't truly want to be lying there.
"Edward!" I couldn't help but call to him as I rushed to his side, sitting down beside him ad pulling him up to me. No matter how he looked, he showed up and wants to talk it through. I hope. "I am so glad you are here."
"Why wouldn't I be? I did tell you I would be here, right love?" Edward tells me, stroking my hair, wrapping his other arm around me.
"I had this bad feeling you wouldn't show up, that you didn't want to talk about things." I tell him, but now that he is here, my feelings seem foolish, impossible even.
"Bella, I will always love you, you have to know that. When I met you, my entire being was altered. I want this to work, more than you can possibly know. But I also have your best interests at heart."
"Edward, how many times do I have to say it, all I want is you. Now, tomorrow, forever. All I will ever want is you. You are my best interest." I tell him, holding his gaze, forbidding myself from blinking. I remember what Alice said about me needing to be patient, and that is all that is keeping me together right now.
"That may be true now." He pauses, "You can have everything without me, Bella love. But what about when you get older and want a family? Or what about when you meet another pretty face?" He asks, thinking about something he isn't willing to mention.
"I have always been mature, love. Renee always says how I know what I want better than most the adults she knows. I don't want a family, if it means you are not a part of that. Plus, I think parenting Renee was enough for me. Children are not that important. Anyways, I was considering adopting a kid even before I met you. Biological children aren't the only family a person can have." I tell Edward all of this in the most serious and strong voice I have. "And don't even get me started with the last thing you said. You think I am only with you because of your pretty face? How can you think such a thing, Edward! You are my entire life, my other half. When you weren't here, I was lost, Edward, even though it was only a few hours. I have nothing without you, you got that part backwards."
"Bella, humans change. I have seen this before, girls thinking they are in love and it turning out that it was a passing crush-."
"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! How can you think this is a CRUSH! I am with you because I love you deeply, with all my being. Do you know how many girls have crushes on you in Forks? If that was all this was, why aren't you dating one of them?" I practically shout and hope Charlie has the game up loud. I feel bad about shouting at Edward and the tears start flowing.
"Don't cry love. I know that is how you feel now. I can't help but think of the future. You obviously want more from this relationship than I can give you." Edward tells me as he wipes the tears streaming down my face.
"Edward, I was curious last night, but that doesn't mean I want more than you can give me. Edward that sentence is preposterous! You have already given me more than I have ever imagined. Our love is so special, so unique, how can you even think that I would want someone else?" I say, hurt that he doesn't trust me.
"I just want you to have as human of a life as possible. If that means dating someone else who makes you happier than I can, then who am I to stop you?"
"Edward, listen to me! I have NEVER been as happy as when I am with you. When I am with my friends, or here at the house, I feel like some part of me is gone. As soon as I am with you, I feel whole again. I cannot fathom anyone else ever making me feel so whole, so complete. No one can ever compare to how special you are to me. If I had to live without you, I don't think I would live very long or very well. I do know I would be always waiting for you to be back in my life, like this afternoon." I tell him, crying harder despite my desperate attempts to stop the tears.
"Bella love, I am so happy to hear all these things, but I feel very selfish, keeping you to myself, not giving you the opportunity to find something better for you."
"Edward, first, you are not selfish. Second, there is nothing I would want you to give me, besides your trust and love."
"You already have that, love. You should realize that by now."
"Then what are we arguing about?" I ask, finally stopping the tears. I think we are close to coming to the ending Alice saw, and it is good, my patience is waning.
"I guess I am trying to convince myself that you are right, love."
"I am right, Edward. I will always love you, and you will always love me." I tell him, placing a kiss on his cheek.
Edward returns the kiss, and then kisses me tenderly on the lips. "Now that we have a better understanding of each other, I guess I will be staying," Edward tells me, laying me back down on the bed. "Forever."
We kiss for a few minutes when I finally break away, panting. My heart is racing and I really don't want Edward to stop. His hands are holding me so tenderly and his body is on top of me, but I only feel the slightest pressure. He is gentle with me, and that is a large part of what I love about him. His compassion and dedication.
"I think it is time for sleep, my love." Edward whispers to me.
I quickly rush to the bathroom to wash my face and change. I curl under my covers as Edward lies beside me, atop the covers. He starts to sing me a song, different from the usual lullaby he hums. His low voice soothes and calms me.
"Love is a song that never ends
Life may be swift and fleeting
Hope may die yet Love's beautiful music
Comes each day like the dawn.
Love is a song that never ends
One simple theme repeating
Like the voice of a heavenly choir
Love's sweet music flows on."
(A/N: This was the song I was talking about.)
"That is beautiful Edward. Did you write this song too?" I mumble as he finishes the song, nearly asleep already.
"No, it is an old song, from long ago." Edward whispers to me. "It is time for you to go to sleep, love. I don't want you to pass out in school."
"Hold me closer, my love." I tell him as I start to drift off. I feel Edward's strong arms tighten around me as I fall asleep, perfectly content and safe.
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So, what do you think? Originally this was going to be a short chapter, but I had to add some details at the beginning.