Chapter 12: Teacher's Tyranny & Student's Snipes
Buffy rushed from her dorm as she had woken up late, almost tripping over a small black cat with a silver streak on it. She just made it in time to wolf down a breakfast while the Golden Trio were talking about O.W.L.s, so she only heard part of the conversation.
"O.W.L.s are really important." Ron said to Harry and Hermione. "They affect the jobs you go for and everything. Bill told me we get career advice as well, so you can choose what N.E.W.T.s you want to do next year."
"Where've you been?" Ron asked Buffy, who had finished off her breakfast of cereal in record-setting time.
"I was asleep. I forgot to set an alarm clock." She said sheepishly. "Anyways, we got to get to class."
History of Magic was a class that most students fall asleep in, and Buffy and Faith were no exception. Mordred and Dawn on the Slytherin side were writing notes like mad, while on the Gryffindor side Hermione was doing the same while Harry and Ron played hangman on their parchments.
Mordred held up his hand halfway through the class, which surprised Professor Binns so much that he actually stopped droning about the Giant Wars long enough to find out what Mordred wanted to ask.
"Just out of curiosity," began Mordred. "Would the Giants used by Riddle in his war against the Wizarding world be considered a part of the Giant Wars, or no?" This actually woke up some of the class, as Mordred not only mentioned Voldemort's name, but his real name during a class.
"You're not supposed to say his name like that." Said one student. Before Mordred could retort, Professor Binns told them that riddles had nothing to do with the Giant Wars, and went back to droning about them, putting the class back to sleep.
"How would it be," asked Hermione to Harry, Buffy, and Ron after class, "if I didn't let you borrow my notes this year?" Buffy was quick to answer after jumping out of the way of Mordred, who went sailing through the air on his skateboard to get to the next class.
"Well, I'd get them from Faith, who gets hers from Dawn," said Buffy. "So at least I know how I'm getting my notes."
"You trust that Slytherin slime?" Asked Ron, perplexed.
"She is my sister." Buffy replied coolly. "If you can't trust family, who can you trust?"
Ron was about to respond, but then Cho Chang showed up wearing a Tornadoes badge. When she tried to talk with Harry, Ron practically chased her off, causing Hermione to begin bickering with him until they all got to Potions class. Snape began the class by informing them all about their upcoming O.W.L.s and had them all try to make a Draught of Peace. Only four students (Hermione, Mordred, Faith, and Dawn) came up with really passable potions, Harry was given a zero due to Snape's hatred of him as well as the fact that Harry missed an entire line on the board, while the Slytherin Triumvirate all got praised for their work. After class, they all went to lunch, with Mordred bouncing off the walls like a ricocheting bullet on his skateboard.
"How does he do that?" Asked Ron in an awed voice.
"Why does he do that?" Countered Hermione, who seemed to snipe at everything Ron said. The two of them bickered until Harry yelled at them both to shut up, and when he went off to Divinations class he only just got there before Dawn, who had gone up to class early after having a light lunch.
"Do those two lovebirds always fight like that?" Dawn cheekily asked Harry in Parselmouth. "Are they like that when they're out on dates, do you suppose?"
"What are you talking about?" Replied Harry, not realizing he was talking in Parselmouth. "They're not dating."
"Oh really?" Said Dawn mischievously. "Sure sound like they're not only dating, but married to boot."
"Well, trust me, they're not dating." Harry said confusedly as Ron came up from the trapdoor and went over to him.
"Hermione and me have stopped arguing." Ron said, sitting down next to Harry.
"Good." Hissed Harry.
"What? You're talking in Parselmouth again." Said Ron perplexed.
"I said; it's good you and Hermione aren't fighting." Harry said, turning to look curiously at Dawn, who was now talking with Faith who had shown up after Ron. As Buffy and some of the others filtered into class Professor Trelawney also gave her version of the O.W.L. speech, ending it by having them all split up into pairs to try to interpret each other's dreams. Luckily it was only a single class instead of a double, so it ended early, and Buffy and Faith both had a laugh at the homework, as it consisted of a having a dream diary for a month.
"D'you realize how much homework we've already got?" Ron grumbled loudly. "A foot and a half long essay on Giant Wars from Binns, a foot on the use of Moonstones from Snape, and now a month's dream diary from Trelawney! I just hope that Umbridge woman doesn't give us any . . ."
When the students entered the classroom they found Umbridge wearing the same ghastly clothes she was wearing the day beforehand. When they'd all settled down she told them to put away their wands and take out their quills. She had them copy down what she put on the board with her own wand, and then she had them read out of their new textbook, Defensive Magical Theory by Wilbert Slinkhard. It was the most depressingly dull book the entire class had ever read. Buffy read only a part of it before looking around to see what the others were doing. Dawn had read some, Faith didn't even try, and Mordred looked like he glued his nose to the book, but on closer inspection from Dawn it was revealed that he was rereading some Potions work. Hermione hadn't even begun her book; she just sat there with her hand held high in the air, trying to get the teacher's attention. Dawn remembered what happened here, and decided to do the same. Buffy followed suit, as did Faith. After awhile Professor Umbridge had to acknowledge them, so she spoke.
"Do you want to ask anything about the chapter, dears?" She asked the four girls, as if only just noticing them. Hermione said no, but Buffy jumped in.
"Yeah, when do we get to use any Defensive spells?" Buffy asked. Professor Umbridge's eyes went narrow, while the rest of the class looked at the three course aims.
"What is your name dear?" Umbridge asked in a sickly sweet voice.
"Buffy Summers, ma'am." Buffy replied.
"I don't think that there will be any occasion arising in my classroom where you will be attacked, Miss Summers." Professor Umbridge said with a little laugh. "Surely you don't think that you will need to actually use a defensive spell in my classroom?"
"We're not going to use Magic?" Ron said incredulously.
"Students raise their hands when they wish to speak in my classroom." Professor Umbridge said sternly. "And you are -?"
"Weasley." Ron said, thrusting his hand into he air. Umbridge turned her back on him, causing Hermione, Harry and Buffy to immediately raise their hands to get her attention. Umbridge looked at Harry before addressing Hermione.
"Yes Miss-?"
"Granger, ma'am." Hermione said. "Surely the whole point of Defence Against the Dark Arts is to learn Defensive spells?"
"Are you a Ministry-trained expert, Miss Granger?" Asked Umbridge in a falsely sweet voice.
"No but -" Hermione tried to answer but was cut off by Umbridge.
"Then you should know that Wizards much older and wiser than you are the ones more qualified to decide 'the whole point' of the class, as they have devised a whole new curriculum to get this class up to speed." Umbridge said sternly, before turning on a large false smile to the class. "Unfortunately this class has been exposed to some very irresponsible teachers who have kept this class far below what we expect an O.W.L. passing grade. Mainly this is due to various teachers who were all incompetent, not to mention one that was a" she paused before smiling, "dangerous half-breed."
Most of the Gryffindor class began protesting loudly at this, but Umbridge banged her fist on the table and stood up, telling them that they had to have their hands in the air if they wanted to talk to her.
"As I was saying, since you've been shown spells that are dangerous to you, you have come to believe that you'll be facing Dark attacks every other day, making you all paranoid." Umbridge said firmly. "Now, the Ministry believes that a theoretical knowledge will be more than sufficient for you to pass your O.W.L. exams. Yes Miss-?"
"Dawn Summers, ma'am." Dawn said, before asking her question. "So this means that the only times we'll be using the spells we learn will be during the exam?"
"Yes Miss Summers, that is correct." Umbridge said in a falsely sweet tone. "As long as you've studied the theory, there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to pass the O.W.L. exam when it comes, which will be done using carefully controlled circumstances."
"How does theory alone work out in the real world?" Asked Harry loudly, his hand raised high in the air.
"Ten points off of Gryffindor for speaking without your hand raised." Stated Umbridge icily. "This is school, not the real world. Surely you don't think there's someone out there waiting to attack you?"
"Hmm, let me think," said Harry in a mock thoughtfulness gesture. "What about Lord Voldemort?"
Most of the class gasped, but Mordred raised his hand in the air.
"Ten more points from Gryffindor," Umbridge said before turning to Mordred. "Yes, Mr.-?"
"Flaggson. Forgive my ignorance, as I'm not a native Brit," he said to the class, "but wasn't Voldemort the guy that got wasted by a baby about fourteen years ago?"
"Why, uh, yes, you could say that." Umbridge said faltering at Mordred's blunt way of putting things.
"Then, even if he's still alive -" Umbridge's eyes flashed widely, "- why should any of us worry about him anyways? I mean, just wave a baby in front of him and he'll fold right up." Mordred looked around the class. "We could even get the original kid who did him in, ol'what's-his-name . . . "
"Harry Potter." Harry said angrily, lifting up his hair to show a scar. "Me."
"Oh," Mordred said in a surprised manner before turning to Dawn abruptly. "You told me he was only scarred, not downright deformed!"
Dawn and Harry both gaped, while the rest of the class looked on in confusion. Mordred then continued in English.
"Well, if you could beat him when you were a tyke, then why are you so worried about him now?" Mordred said in a baffled manner. "He sounds like a pretty pathetic loser, if you ask me."
"It is a lie that he's back." Said Umbridge, causing Harry to stand up and shout at her.
"It is NOT a lie!" Harry shouted. "I saw him! I fought him!"
"Twenty more points off of Gryffindor, and a detention for Mr. Potter!" Umbridge said triumphantly. "My office at five o'clock tomorrow evening. I repeat; the Dark Lord's return is a lie. The Ministry guarantees there are no Dark Wizards out to get you. If you are still worried, please by all means come to my office for any reason. If any one is telling you any fibs about Dark Wizards being reborn, I would like to hear about it. And now I would like you to continue reading from 'Basics for Beginners'."
Umbridge sat down while Harry stood up in fury. The whole class looked at him in worry and wonder.
"So, according to you, Cedric Diggory dropped dead of his own accord?" Harry asked in a shaking voice.
"Cedric's death was a tragic accident." Umbridge replied coldly. "Another twenty points off of Gryffindor."
"Accident?" Harry said in an astonished voice. "It was murder, and you know it!"
"Thirty points off of Gryffindor. Come here." Umbridge said in a soft girlish voice.
He went up to her, and she handed him a note, whispering something to him before he left the classroom.
"Now he's got detention for the rest of the week." Dawn whispered to Mordred and Faith. The class continued reading from the book until the bell rang, and then they all went out of the class. Hermione and Ron waited to talk with Dawn, Faith, and Mordred, while Buffy watched out curiously.
"What's the matter with Harry?" Faith asked Dawn, but Mordred interrupted before Dawn could answer.
"Well he's as ugly as sin, and he's got a stupid haircut." He supplied, getting a grin from Dawn and Faith that stopped when they saw Ron and Hermione.
"What in Merlin's name are you lot getting at?" Ron asked them after they all went out the door.
"We're just having a laugh at a fellow student's expense, no need to get your skirt in a knot." Said Mordred, before leering at Hermione. "Nice girlfriend, almost as tasty-looking as your sister."
Ron lunged at Mordred, but was stopped when a sharp looking wand suddenly appeared from Mordred's hand. Ron backed down a bit.
"You're a lot smarter than you look," said Mordred, "however, you look like a retard, and nobody could be that stupid and live."
Buffy then came over and crossed her arms, glaring at Mordred until he put away his wand. Buffy then tried to derail a fight from happening, so she tried talking with Hermione while she and Ron walked away from Mordred, while Dawn and Faith walked off together to chat. Mordred followed the three Gryffindor students, listening in on them.
"Why's Professor Umbridge such a bit - Troll?" Buffy changed her question after getting a scowl from Hermione. Mordred answered before Hermione could.
"She's probably just on her rag or something." This caused the both groups of Gryffindor and Slytherin to stand still in shock and awe, with some of the males with enough self-preservational instincts trying to edge out of the way of whatever Curses that were sure to be unleashed.
"Mordred Flaggson, I think you should apologize for that sexist statement." Said Hermione dangerously, while fingering her wand. Mordred replied nonchalantly.
"Well I'm sorry, sweetheart, I just don't trust something that bleeds for five days straight every month and doesn't die." Hermione was so shocked she forgot to breathe for a few seconds.
"Don't trust something that bleeds every month and doesn't die!? DON'T TRUST SOMETHING THAT BLEEDS EVERY MONTH AND DOESN'T DIE!!!" Hermione practically screamed at him in outrage.
"Look everybody." Mordred said pointing at her mockingly. "Whore-mione's learned the basic art of repetition!"
Hermione lunged at him, but he jumped out of the way and went dancing around before venturing back like a bad cold.
"Is it me," Mordred asked rhetorically, "or do all Purebloods inbreed just so they can have retards like Ron there?"
Hermione whipped about while the rest of the group stood in shocked silence due to Mordred's insensitive question.
"At least Harry and Ron don't have multiple girlfriends hanging off them like slaves, unlike you two." Hermione said pointing at Dawn and Faith on the ground. "What do you call yourselves again, the Slytherin Triumvirate? More like concubines if you ask me."
"They're not my girlfriends, they're my cousins." Countered Mordred viciously. "Of course, being around a Pureblood like Ronnikins, I'm sure that's the reason why you think that inbreeding would seem proper to you. Speaking of your family, which one of your brothers was the lucky guy to take the 'virgin' outta your sister Virginia, making her just Ginny?"
"Her name's Ginevra, not Virginia, and none of us -!" Ron yelled before Mordred interrupted.
"Aha, so she was never a virgin to begin with!" He declared triumphantly, jumping up and down excitedly and getting into Ron's face.
Hermione interjected herself between the two, but then stopped and looked at Mordred with a curious yet angry look.
"Did you know that you're really odd?" Asked Hermione pointedly.
"See, she can see it." Stated Mordred proudly. "She admits I'm really God. Why can't the rest of you?"
"I didn't say 'God', I said -" Hermione said shaking her head before continuing. "You claim to be not Pure Blood like it's a thing to brag about?"
"Damn straight I'm impure!" Mordred said proudly. "I'm as impure as the yellow driven snow."
This sent ripples of confusion through the students, who've never heard of a Slytherin bragging about being impure before.
"Of course, that explains why Ron there hasn't ever bothered asking you out on a date yet." Mordred said pointing at Ron. "He's too busy taking turns with the rest of his brothers shagging 'The Whore of Gryffindor' herself, his own baby sister!"
"Why I ought to -" began Ron before Mordred cut him off.
"Ought to what?" Mordred said grinning a shark's grin. "You got a dress that goes with that stupid haircut? You want me to pop that zit you call a head off of yah? You try anything, and I'll stomp a mud hole in your ass and walk it dry!"
This caused most students to gag. Hermione glared at him with intense anger.
"You better be careful mate," said Ron dangerously from Hermione's side, "she knows quite a few Curses and Jinxes to nail you with."
Mordred, instead of looking worried, seemed to brighten up a bit at this news.
"Okay, let's see what you know then," Mordred said. "If I want somebody to start crapping razorblades, what spell do I use? Or if I'm desperate to score a pint or so of baby blood; where's the best place to buy? Or what about Zombies? Say I want to shag one, or rent a few to work someone over; what spells should I use?"
"That's the most disgusting thing I've heard anyone say!" Said Hermione, staring straight at Mordred with her eyes and mouth wide open in shock.
"Don't make fun." Mordred said. "I worked long and hard to get this disgusting."
"I really believe you have." Replied Hermione earnestly.
"I'm just making a point, love." Said Mordred. "Magic's a nasty game. Go and play with your folk's drills and novocaine instead."
Hermione dismissed him with a wave of her hand and then turned to Ron.
"Come on Ron," she said, "let's leave Malfoy's new mouthpiece to insult other people."
"What did you call me?" Mordred asked in a serious manner, his smile vanishing.
"I think it's sad that racist imbeciles like Malfoy attract so many unintelligent gits like that." Hermione said while walking away.
"Hey, I know Draco," Mordred said, trying to get their attention, "and I think calling him that is an insult to the unintelligent git community.
That paused Ron and Hermione long enough to turn around and look at him.
"Well, he's your Prefect, so maybe you shouldn't . . ." Hermione was about to say insult him but stopped when she realized she was actually defending Malfoy of all people. Mordred then looked at Ron, his grin showing his sharp pointy teeth.
"What are you, completely mental?" Asked Ron. "You think we're stupid or something?"
"If ignorance was bliss, you would orgasmic." He said cheerfully, before adding, "but then again, with a face like yours it'd be easy to see you as a virgin for life, not including close family."
"You really need to get your act together, don't you?" Ron asked, slowly reaching for his wand. Buffy saw this and interfered.
"Okay, let's not say something we'll regret later, okay?" Buffy said while getting in between the two Gryffindors and one Slytherin.
"You crazy freak." Shouted Ron, pulling out his wand.
"Vapid fooligan." Replied Mordred, cackling evilly.
"Like that." Said Buffy sighing before putting on her determined face. "Ok, if I see one more display of testosterone-poisoning, I will personally put you both in the hospital."
"Ok, ok, fine." Mordred said, holding up his hands while backing away. "Just one thing you should know, Ronny."
"What's that?" Asked Ron angrily, putting his wand away.
"You've got a . . ." Mordred waved his hand at Ron's head, "Giant Spider on your head!"
Ron reached up his hand as he felt something crawling over his head. He screamed and went into a gibbering panic while hitting his head with his hand.
"Sucker!" Mordred yelled before bounding off on his skateboard to the Great Hall. Faith and Dawn passed by while Hermione and Buffy tried to calm down a shaking Ron after Buffy had knocked the spider off of his head and sqaushed it flat.
"Sorry about that." Whispered Dawn. Faith only shrugged her shoulders.
"Darwin was wrong." Faith said in passing. "Some men are still apes."
The girls went to the Slytherin table in the Great Hall while Ron, Buffy, and Hermione went to the Gryffindor table.
"Thanks for your help." Said Hermione to Buffy.
"Don't mention it." Said Buffy nonchalantly. "Besides, I could just tell something was wrong, as my spider sense was tingling."
"Your spider sense?" Hermione asked confusedly, while Ron looked about fearfully.
"Pop culture reference." Buffy said looking at them both. "Sorry."
"How could a nice girl like you be related to a raving psycho like him?" Asked Ron. Buffy had to come up with an answer that would lead to fewer questions as to where she came from.
"It's devastating, I know." She said. "He's turned into a fifteen-year-old boy. Of course the only way to cure that is to kill him."
This got a snort of laughter from Hermione and an indignant grunt from Ron. Buffy chuckled slightly before carrying on.
"Testosterone is a great equalizer." Buffy said sagely. "It turns all men into morons."
"Hey, I think I've been insulted enough in one day . . ." Whined Ron as they got to the Great Hall for dinner, before saying. "That cousin of yours is psychotic!"
"Oh, sweetie," said Buffy patronizingly to Ron, "don't feel bad. He makes everybody insane. He's like a monster."
Back at the Slytherin's table, Mordred and friends were laughing their heads off.
"Dude!" Faith said. "You are psychotic!" Mordred beat his chest proudly.
"I'm a bad, bad man." He said, before wolfing down a whole lot of food. The two girls, used to Mordred's way of eating, began digging into their meal as well. They only paused to watch the Golden Trio and Buffy go back to the Gryffindor Tower.
Inside the Gryffindor Tower, Buffy helped Ron and Harry with their work on Snape's essay, as she had a page that linked up to what Dawn had, so whatever Dawn wrote, Buffy could copy for her friends while Hermione placed some hats around the Common Room and the girls dorm for the Elves to pick up. After the Golden Trio went to bed, Buffy went out Patrolling, finding Faith and Mordred but not speaking to Mordred after what he had pulled. Faith went with her and they only found a few stray Vampires wandering around, so after Slaying them the two ladies worked on their essay's for Giant wars.