Author's Note: Here's chapter 12! Let the sadness ensue! Sorry! Here's for everyone wondering about Poe, and there will be more Poe in the next few chapters :) But for now :(

Poe spent all of his time in his room, staring out the window. At least, that's all Hux ever saw of him. Every single time he'd walk past the bedroom, which he thought was a reasonable size and well decorated, Poe would just be sitting in the window sill, his knees curled to his chest and his chin resting on his knees. Hux had even made sure Poe was set up in one of the rooms that had a balcony, but Poe never went out onto it. He told him that he could go outside if he wanted, that he was free to wander around the mansion, and he had never lay a finger on him out of line. He gave him his space, as much as he wanted and needed. Three months of space, or privacy, of kindness. When was Poe going to get the idea that he was safe here? When was he going to be happy?

"What are you so sad about?" Poe didn't look at him when he heard the question being asked, he just leaned his head back against the wall, watching Hux through the reflection. "I've tried very hard to keep you comfortable, and to make sure you're taken care of-"

"Today's Mikey's birthday," Poe cut him off. "Did you know that? You were there when he was born. Bet you didn't care though, as soon as you saw that he wasn't a skinny little ginger white boy like you." Hux raised an eyebrow and leaned against the door frame, holding his tongue. "He's one year old today… I hope things have been okay for him…"

Hux didn't say anything for a moment. "How old are your two?" he asked curiously, not wanting to comment on his feelings towards the, technically, bastard child, Michael… he wasn't one to talk, in all fairness to the child.

"Christina's one year, three months, and two days. Noah's one year, two months, and twenty five days," he told him. The fact that Poe knew that off of the top of his head was shocking to Hux, it made no sense. He knew his children's' exact birthdates, somehow. Hux could barely remember his own birth date, and he doubted his father would put the effort in to remember.

"So you're worried about your family," he guessed. Poe looked up at him sadly. "You don't need to worry, I'm always keeping an eye on them, they're safe-"

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Poe spat. Hux looked a bit surprised. "You're always watching my family? Like you own them?"

Hux tilted his head a bit. "I have no intention of hurting them. I thought you'd like to know how they are from time to time," he explained honestly.

Poe turned back to the window. "Thanks…" he mumbled, coldly.

Hux sighed. "Goodnight, Poe." He walked out, leaving him alone again.

Another two months passed, a bit changing. Poe did come out of his room now on occasion, just to walk around and see what the mansion was like. He sat with Hux during meals, and held conversation almost like normal. He understood now that all he had to do if he wanted something was ask Hux, and he would get it. But at the end of the day, he would always be back in his window sill, staring out at the city.

Hux knocked on his door now, wanting to give him that extra sense that he had privacy. Poe looked up at him and smiled lightly. That was nice too. He had gotten Poe comfortable enough to smile again. And Poe did have such a beautiful smile…

That wasn't particularly important to Hux's overall goal. He could live without Poe's beautiful smile, he thought. "How are you feeling this evening?" he asked, sitting on the bed, on the side nearest Poe. Poe turned towards him.

"I'm alright…" he said. "I was just thinking about…" His smile fell a bit and he shook his head. "Need something?"

"No, I just came to tell you some news I recently heard," Hux told him. Poe looked back up at him. "It seems, as of the day before yesterday, your friends Finn and Rey are a newly wed couple."

Poe's smile brightened again and he looked down. "I always knew he could do it. He's gonna be so happy now… they both will be…" he said quietly. Hux watched him for a moment.

"You're still worried about them?" he guessed.

Poe looked up at him. "Of course I am. I'm worried about my best friend. And my husband and my children… I'm constantly dreading the day where you decide you're going to hurt them again…."

Hux tilted his head a bit, staring at him. "What if I made a deal with you Poe?" he suggested.

"What kind of deal?" Poe questioned, suspiciously.

"A deal that would ensure that I never hurt your family, or Finn and his family, ever again," he said. Poe sat up. "I wouldn't have eyes on them. They would never see me, or be worried about me. They would never even have to hear my name again, except by accident in passing or amongst each other."

Poe's eyes filled with tears. "And what do I have to do?" he asked curiously.

Hux gulped, hoping Poe would be willing to take the risk. "You would stay here, with me. Keep me company. I will leave your family alone, permanently. They won't have to be afraid anymore, they won't be watched, and they can live normal lives, no more pain, no more anger, no more fear," he told him. Poe trembled. "But the real catch, Poe, you want the real catch..." Poe nodded. "You won't ever be able to see them again. You'll be here with me, like you are now, but there won't be any chance that they see you again. You won't have any contact with them, and they won't have any contact with you." Poe's face looked more and more horrified with each word Hux said.

"B-But you promise me that they'll be safe?" he questioned seriously. "You won't have anything to do with them either?"

"I promise," Hux said. Poe looked down again, covering his mouth. "You don't have to give me an answer now. You can take as much time as you need to think it over and come to a final decision. And I'll allow you to contact them by letter one more time if you decide to agree to the deal."

Poe nodded slowly. "W-Why…?" he breathed. Hux frowned a bit. "W-Why me? What's so special about me?" Hux raised an eyebrow and looked down.

"Will you allow me to get back to you on that one?" he asked. Poe was weeping, his head against the window. "I'll give you your space…. Try to get your rest, I don't want you to start feeling ill again." He stood up and pat his shoulder gently. He went towards the door.

"C-Could you shut off the light, please?" Poe requested quietly. Hux glanced at him and backtracked to shut off the light. "T-Thank you… a-and could you shut the door behind you?"

"As you wish," Hux told him. Poe mumbled another 'thank you', before he closed the door. "Goodnight, Poe."

"Dear Ben," Ben read out loud. He hesitated. "R-Rey, can you read this out loud? I can't read it..."

"Of course, Ben," she agreed, gently taking it from him. Ben had opened the envelope, and the first thing he had pulled out was this letter. There were other things in the manila envelope, but he insisted on reading the letter first. "Dear Ben…"

"I'm so sorry that this is the first thing you get to hear from me. I've been with Hux for five months, and every single day, I've waited for you to save me. I understand, Ben, I'm not blaming you. I just hope you've been taking care of Christina and Noah. I wish I could see them again.

"I love you Ben. I need you to know that. Always know that, Ben Solo. You've brought me so much joy in the short time I've known you, even when things were scary and didn't look like they would get better. I knew I could always look forward to seeing you smile again at the end. I hope you can smile again at the end of this."

"Why does it sound like a fucking suicide letter?" Ben growled. Rey looked up at him and frowned.

"Do you want me to stop?" she asked, hesitating.

"No, please, keep going," he breathed. Rey sighed and nodded.

"Hux and I have come to an agreement, Ben. I know you're going to hate it, and hate that I agreed to it, but I have to do it. One day, I hope you'll understand. Hux has promised me that you, and Christina and Noah, and Finn and Rey and Mikey, and your Mom and Uncle too, he's promised that he'll never hurt any of you again. He promises that you won't have to be afraid, or angry, or sad, he says he won't watch you anymore and that he'll never bother you again. You're all free to be happy and live your lives without fear. But in return…" Rey trailed off.

"In return what, Rey?!" Ben hissed.

"B-But in return I'm sacrificing my own freedom," Rey read. Ben looked up at her, horrified. "I'll stay here, with him, until I die. He says I don't have to marry him or anything, that I just have to stay and keep him company. But the one thing that hurts me about this, is that I'll never…." Rey paused again, her voice cracking. "I'll never get to see you again. And you'll never get to see me again. We can't write to each other, or talk on the phone, or Skype. None of it. No contact. This is why I said it hurts so much that this is the first thing you'll hear from me. Because it's also the last time I'll get to tell you that I love you… It hurts so much to do this, I don't know how I'll get through the day without hearing you laugh at a joke I make, or hearing Christina and Noah learning to talk. I can't even imagine having to live on without getting to watch them grow, Ben, I think I might die a little more everyday without them, without you. I don't know how I'm going to do this without you, without seeing you and knowing that you find a way to smile once I'm gone. But it's a risk I have to take. Anything to know that you and our babies are safe, that you get to be happy…"

"No, Poe…" Ben whispered, grabbing at his hair.

"I don't want to stop writing to you, Ben, I'm afraid to. If I stop writing I'll have to admit that I'm letting you go… I guess I just did. It doesn't feel good. Please understand Ben, I don't want this. I wish there was another way, but we both know there isn't. I'm ending this now. I'm not going to elongate the fear that we were all living in. I will be safe Ben. Know that. He hasn't hurt me. He hasn't touched me or anything, he's been very respectful of my privacy. My point is, know that I'll be safe too. I don't want you to worry about me anymore. I've enclosed…" Rey paused, glancing up at Ben. "I've enclosed divorce papers in this envelope. I haven't signed them yet. You don't have to sign them, Ben, if you don't want to. But if you do, I'll understand. I don't want you to feel like you're still obligated to me. I want you to have complete freedom to go and start a new life. You have the chance to go find a new love, to start a new family, find someone to take care of you and the kids now that I can't. I won't be mad. I won't ever blame you for wanting to start over. I wish it didn't have to end like this… I wish I could hold you again, just kiss you one more time Ben… I don't want to have to live thinking that someday I won't remember every detail of your face, I want more than just a distant memory. But you know, Ben, that you won't ever completely be forgotten. Because I love you Ben. I love you so much.

"With all the love I have, to you , and Christina, and Noah…" Rey breathed. "Poe."

No one said anything for a moment. Rey was crying lightly, reading the letter over again and shaking her head. Ben was shaking slightly, not believing what he had just heard. He didn't feel like crying, he wasn't there yet in his stages of grief. He hadn't even reached acceptance yet. He was going to have to force his way there. "W-What are you going to do…?" Rey asked him quietly. He looked up her. He didn't understand why she was crying. This wasn't her husband. He stood up, started going towards the kitchen, then walked back and sat back down.

"I need you to help me write a letter back to him," he said, his voice dark and emotionless. Rey sighed and nodded, setting the letter down on the envelope, standing up and grabbing a notebook out of the desk drawer, and a pen. She sat back down next to him and waited for him to speak.

Poe felt the ring before anything else. It slid around in the envelope as he opened it, and it fell out into his hand. The black titanium and steel felt cold on his palm, not anything like he wanted it to. He closed his eyes and closed his hand around the ring, holding it to his heart. He sat down on his bed, trying not to cry. He still needed to read the letter. He took a deep breath and took it out of the envelope, unfolding it carefully and starting to read it.

Poe, I don't understand why you're doing this to me. It isn't fair. We could have found a way, I would have found you, I could have saved you. But if this is what you feel like you need to do, for us, then I don't know what other choice I have but to accept it. I won't ever fall in love with anyone else Poe, you know that. Even implying it makes me want to find you even more. But if this is what you feel you need to do, for us, then I'll accept it. I signed the divorce papers. Maybe it will give you some consolation. I didn't want to, but it seems like no one's getting anything today. Well, Hux is. Trust me, Poe, one day, I'm going to kill him, and we'll be together again. Rey says I can't do that, but I'd do it for you, and you know it. As for Christina and Noah. They miss you already. I can tell, even though they can't speak in full sentences. They want their Dad back, Poe, this isn't fair to them. But if this is what you feel you need to do, for us, I'll find a way to tell them that their Dad is never coming home. I keep saying that whole if this is what you feel you need to do thing because you always know what to do. You know so much more about this horrible world than I ever will, you could lead me through my life and I would never feel lost again. I rely on you to know the next step in our life. I've felt so hopeless trying to find you. I get up to look for you and end up somewhere else. Somewhere meaningless, and wrong, and not where you are. I almost expected you to find your own way home, Poe, you're just so damn brilliant, you would find the way. So brilliant and perfect and forever mine. I put my wedding ring in the envelope with this letter. I have yours. I want you to have mine, so you have something real to help you remember me. Please don't really go, Poe. Please make this end as some horrible joke. I'm scared to live on without you… I love you too, Poe. I love you so much. And so do Christina and Noah. And they won't ever question who you are. I'll make sure they know that their Dad is the bravest, kindest man in the world, Poe Dameron.

Until we meet again someday. Ben.

Poe held onto the letter pushing against his chest. He wanted to memorize this letter. It was so raw, and unthought out, so jumpy and uncertain. It was so Ben. He wished he could say his name and his husband would just appear in front of him to save him from this fate he had made for himself. He was afraid for Ben. He was afraid that he might fall apart without him. He pictured Ben truly crumbling to pieces, just a pile of dust on the floor. And it would be all Poe's fault. He didn't try harder to get out of Hux's grasp, and save Ben from his fear of the world. Maybe this way Ben could learn on his own…

He heard the crinkle of paper in the envelope and it brought him back to reality. He pulled out the rest of the yellow envelope's contents and looked through them. He knew what the papers in the back were, and he couldn't bare to look at them. But he saw some blocky writing on a little piece of blue paper, and set down the other dreaded papers. It was a note, and he knew who it was from before he could even read it.

Hey, buddy. It's Finn. I guess it's gonna be a while before I see you again. This sucks. But I know you'll fight your way out of it. You always do. Still, I'm really gonna miss my best friend being around. I'll make sure Chrissy and Noah are taken care of, and I'll keep an eye on Ben too. You can always count on me to hold down the fort for you until you come home. And hey, if that bastard Hux ever lays a hand on you, you call me. Call any of us, actually, and we'll be there in a heartbeat. You know that though. Also, I still have your jacket. But don't worry, I'll keep it safe for you. Love you, Poe, can't wait until we can see you again.

Fight on, brother.

Poe smiled lightly, pulling off a pink sticky note from the back of Finn's note. This one was the simplest letter of all, but it said all he needed to hear from her.

We love you, Poe. Please stay safe. -Rey

"You make sure he gets this," Ben told Phasma seriously, handing her the envelope. "Do you understand that?"

"Yessir," she nodded. She hesitated. "Not drugs, but call me if you ever need anything, alright?" Ben nodded tightly. Phasma glanced into the house, at Rey. "You too, if you ever want some fun." Rey rolled her eyes a little and Phasma smiled before leaving. Ben closed the door and went off into the house somewhere.

Rey watched him walk towards the bathroom, maybe? Then Ben stormed back into the living room and to the front door, putting on his shoes. Rey frowned and stood up. "Where are you going?" she asked gently. He stopped but didn't say anything. "Ben, are you safe-"

"Of course I'm fucking safe!" he snapped. She jumped a little. "I'm not going to fucking kill myself, you think I'm going to leave Christina and Noah as fucking orphans, I'm not that fucking selfish!"

Rey gulped and nodded. "I-I know, Ben, but you know I have to ask, just because," she reminded him. She saw him nod slowly. "So… where are you going…" He hesitated. "Please don't say out…"

"I'm going to my Dad's grave…" he mumbled. He could see the way Rey's face fell to a look of pity for him. He ignored it and quickly left, getting into his car and lighting a cigarette. He started driving and opened the window, throwing the cigarette out and closing it again.

Rey looked at Finn after Ben had left. "Honey, I know you're going to hate me for suggesting this, but I think maybe he should stay here for a while. And the kids," she told him. Finn sighed.

"I figured that was coming…" he said. "Honestly, I don't think that's a great idea."

Rey sighed. "Finn, I know you're still mad at him, but think about it, he's going to absolutely fall apart now-"

"Yes, and I don't want you to be responsible for that again," Finn pressed.

"Finn-"

"I know you care about him, and you want to help him, but honestly, I don't want him around Mikey, and I don't want him around you," he said seriously.

"Finn, I really think it would be smart if he were here," she tried.

"And I really think that's a stupid idea," he argued. She frowned and looked out the window. "Look, I really do get it-"

"Obviously, you really don't," she snapped, going to the door. "Come on, we have to go pick up our son."

Finn sighed and stood up, going to the door. "Please don't be mad at me…" he pleaded.

"He's your family now too, remember that," Rey told him seriously, grabbing her keys off of the hook and going out to the car. "I'm not going to let it go, I'm going to mention it to Leia when we get there."

"Really, Rey?" he scoffed, following her.

"Yes, Finn!" she said. "You're being too overbearing, you need to trust me." She got into the driver's seat. Finn took a deep breath, remembering the last time he hadn't trusted Rey. He got into the passenger seat and smiled.

"We'll figure it out," he told her.

Rey looked at him sadly. His smile fell. "I know you don't like him… but I know when he needs someone around. Right now is one of those times…" she told him seriously.

Finn smiled sadly. "We'll figure it out, Rey," he agreed.

"I don't really remember you that much," Ben mumbled, pulling at some of the grass in front of the grave's headstone. "I mean, like, I remember we kinda had similar noses… and that your hair was kinda really gray… and you still thought you were twenty years old but you were really almost fifty." Ben slipped Poe's ring on and off his pinky finger, the only finger small enough to fit it. "B-But I don't remember what color your eyes were… I don't remember what you smelled like or what your voice sounded like…. No matter how hard I try, I can't remember. Is that what's going to happen with Poe? I-Is that what happened to Mom…? After I took you away from her…? I'm Hux, to Mom, aren't I? I took away her love, and she never gets to…" He choked on his words and winced. "I had the fucking right of way, that's what Rey always says. She always says it's fucking lucky that we got out of it alright, and able to walk and everything… do you think she remembers it like I do…? Why do I remember that so vividly but everything else just goes away…?"

Ben started tracing the name on the stone with him thumb. "God, if I could just forget the way Rey was screaming. She broke her leg, you know? And I could hear her screaming about how bad it hurt. And by the time I could look at her, she had seen Mara. I wish I hadn't looked. I can still see you looking at me… I can still see Mara, with part of the fucking door stabbing through her side, I can still see you looking at me, Dad…. and Rey was screaming again but neither of you were moving, half of Mara's face was fucking gone, her whole fucking head was smashed in, I can still fucking see you looking at me, Dad, why'd you have to fucking look at me?!" Ben smacked the headstone, backing away from it and feeling tears fall down his face. "I-I couldn't move either, my leg were under the the dashboard, they were stuck there, I was stuck there, looking back at you, but you were dead dad, I fucking killed you!" He tried to breath. "I know my cars now, Dad… I know what was it was now that was half way through your neck… it was part of the other car's exhaust pipe, and to this day, I want to know how it got to the passenger side of my car." He shook his head. "No, I remember your eye color now. I wish I didn't. Your eyes were blue. Your eyes were this fucking blue hazel color and they were turning fucking grey, and I couldn't breath, and I couldn't move, and you were fucking dead and Mara was fucking dead and Rey wouldn't stop fucking screaming! You can't fucking hear me, Dad, I'm talking to a fucking rock! You're fucking dead!" He collapsed onto his side, sobbing heavily. "I-I want to forget all that death, and I want to remember Poe's face, his laugh… why can't I just…" He grabbed at the grass and shut his eyes, shaking.

"I-I'm so sorry Dad… I'm so sorry that I killed you…" he sobbed. "A-And then Mom had to be all alone… because I took off, because I'm selfish, and all those things you said about me were true. Because I couldn't face her knowing I was driving the fucking car… and now I get to feel what Mom felt…" He held onto Poe's ring. "This is my punishment for taking everything from Mom… I understand now. Mom felt it a thousand times worse, because I took off and she had no family left. I have Rey and Finn and Mom and Luke. None of them should help me…. I should just leave with Christina and Noah… I'm a Dad now too, you know. I have two kids. Well, they're Poe's but… but I'm not going to let Mom take care of me, I need to feel all alone, just like she did… you called me a spoiled brat once… a few times, and you were right, Rey told me so a few months ago. I'm everything you said I was, everything I fought you on… Poe's gone now, and I don't deserve to be happy. I'm not going to whine or complain, because this is what I deserve…" He kissed Poe's ring carefully. "Maybe Rey was right, maybe Poe will bring the good out of Hux… maybe they'll fall in love, and Poe can be happy… I gotta stop talking to myself, Dad, you have no idea how much I want a fucking drink right now, and you have no idea how much I would give for some fucking dope..." He bit his lip. "But then I'd be everything Poe hated… Jesus Christ, poor Mom… I can't believe how selfish I am, why the hell wasn't it me who died, not you…?"

"Ben?"

He opened his eyes and sat up a bit, seeing Leia standing on the path near him. He hesitated and wiped his eyes, sitting up. "D-Did you hear me talking?" he asked.

"Just a little," she admitted. He looked down and nodded. He heard her walking closer and glanced up her as she carefully knelt down next to him. "You're feeling like you want your drugs?" Ben nodded slowly. "How bad."

"My arm hurts. And I can taste it in my mouth…" he grumbled, biting his nail. "I'm trying to ignore but something tells me I'm going to pick up a drink instead… I've been doing it for months…"

"We can kick it, honey," she told him, sitting fully next to him and rubbing his back.

"You can't help me, Mom, you can't help me through this," he said, his voice wavering.

"Why not, Ben?" she asked sadly.

"Because I wasn't there to help you when he went away. I left. I need to feel that now, I need to know how it felt to be all alone when you needed me most," he said seriously.

"No, Ben, as your mother, I am not letting you do that." He didn't say anything, and Leia stared at him for a minute. "Where on Earth did you come from, Ben Solo?" she sighed, hugging him.

He leaned against her. "I-I'm sorry, Mom… I'm sorry I wasn't what you wanted me to be…" he whimpered. "I'm sorry…"

"Well, I couldn't help that you came out a boy," she teased.

"What?" he said, looking up at her.

"I never told you I wanted a girl? Oh, me and Han were expecting a girl. We were going to name you Breha after my adopted Mom," she continued teasing him.

"And when I came out a boy, you couldn't even call me Anakin after your real Dad?" he scoffed. She knew he was kidding in his own way so she chuckled.

"Ben seemed to fit you better than an ex-Nazi. And besides, you looked like a Ben," she told him, kissing his head and feeling him lean against her more.

"So what you're saying is, I was a disappointment from birth?" he questioned.

Leia sighed. "No, what I'm saying is, I was expecting a little girl named Breha and what I got was a wonderful little troublemaker named Ben," she corrected him. "Who I wouldn't switch out for any other kid in the world, and wasn't going to name after my ex-Nazi father, and I'm not even sorry about that." He started sobbing again and fell limply against her. "Hey, there's about a sixty pound weight difference between us…" She moved back a little and he just ended up with his head in her arms.

"I want Poe…" he whimpered.

"Gosh, you really love him don't you…?" she sighed. He nodded and moved against her. "Gee, I remember when you were tiny enough to fit in my arms. Look at my grown man of a son. An entire foot and an inch taller than me..."

"I'm still sixteen in mentality. That's what Dr. Kanata said…" Leia looked down at him. Ben had always had a habit of not telling them important things. "She said some people get stuck in their trauma year and don't grow much out of it…"

"And you did that?" she asked. Ben nodded, looking up at her. "That's okay, sweetie, we can do some growing up together. I've been stuck as a nineteen year old since… well, when I found out an unborn baby can get addicted to drugs if the mother does them while pregnant… and then got told that my baby was going to be born addicted to cocaine and LSD… yeah that wasn't a proud moment..."

"Yeah…" he sighed. "It's okay…"

"It's really not, but thank you for acknowledging how bad I feel about that…" she sighed.

"It's not okay that I took off and left you alone after Dad died and started shooting up heroin…" he pointed out. "But you always forgive me for that."

Leia nodded and smiled a bit. "I guess" she sighed. "Well, you know what I always say…"

"That you always know everything?" he asked, a small mischievous smirk on his lips, just like her little boy used to have when he knew he was causing trouble.

"Well, yes, that too," she chuckled. "I was going to say shit happens." For the first time in a long time, she felt him and heard and saw him laugh. A genuine laugh too, not one of the chuckles she got every so often. She smiled a bit and ran her fingers through his hair gently.

There was a few moments where they didn't say anything, and the sun started falling behind the trees. Then Ben moved a little and looked at the gravestone in front of them. "You miss him…?" Leia asked. She felt Ben nod. "Yeah… me too…"

"He loved you, Mom…" she heard her son say. She felt tears in her eyes before she could will them away. "E-Even though you guys fought a lot and he left a lot, he loved you, Mom… A-And I love you too, Mom."

Leia smiled a bit and leaned down, kissing his temple. She sat back up and held her little adult child to her, loving this rare moment where they got to be mother and son again. "I know…"

Author's Note: Poor everyone. I'll update soon! Comment what you think, I really love to hear your opinions (That's to my fanfiction .net audience! Ao3 readers, I love all your comments! Very encouraging!) Thank you!