A/N: No excuses, - I know

Big thank yous to Tyren, my tireless Beta.

On with the show ;)

Chapter 12: To Embrace Change

Her recuperation was quicker than expected, what with her eating lembas along with meditation and force healing. Within three days she was fully healed and mobile. Having recounted the them, she saw each of the dwarves, the wizard and the hobbit go through their own stages of guilt. The dwarves felt especially bad, considering how they acted with her. Even Thorin offered a sincere, heartfelt apology.

Linshara took it with gladness, but with a measure of caution also. His inner darkness was still present, albeit overpowered by the goodness in the majestic dwarf king. In these moments she could see why Fili and Kili adored and admired their uncle. Perhaps it was the homely, safe atmosphere at Beorn's that made everyone's heart lighter, even her own.

Their questions as to her battle with the Sith, or the Slyth as Ori kept calling Kallus, the first few days they were the only topic at hand. Slowly though, their thoughts returned to the mountain. To Erebor, to Smaug. Both Gandalf and Linshara advised caution, due to the new element, the new enemy. He would return to thwart their plans sooner or later. Due to winter soon approaching and the fact the way to Erebor would lead through heavy snow and the very dangerous elven wood, the company decided to spend the winter with Beorn.

Some days were good, everyone's moods others, the moods would be foul. They would fight amongst themselves, they'd take their frustration at the idleness out on each other through sparring. They wanted to spar with Linshara as well but she mostly refused. Her way of channeling her feelings was through meditation.

Beorn was not a very talkative person himself, after she'd told him about herself and he in turn told her of the skin changers, he pretty much kept to himself, away from her and the others, only really talking to Gandalf on occasions.

Well, there was that and chats with the Durin nephews and Bilbo. She saw clearly now that Bilbo was an exceedingly bright person, curious, studious, but above all gentle and brave. He would have made an excellent Jedi in her opinion. Kili and Fili were another matter altogether. Kili, he was definitely the cheeky younger brother. Brave, loyal to a fault, caring. Also utterly reckless and entirely inviting of trouble. Dwalin and Thorin were often heard yelling at him for one thing or another.

Fili, on the other hand. He made her feel all sorts of things. Since Landroval delivered her to Beorn, since that encounter, what she felt in regard to him became a mess. The admiration and fondness she felt for him were escalating, she was keenly aware of that. Afraid of it also. On the other hand she found herself considering indulging in it, both out of a mental need but out of a physical one also. This especially became evident when she'd watch Fili and Kili spar with Dwalin and Thorin, more often than not, shirtless. Having indulged from time to time in her old life, she was no stranger to the pleasures of the flesh, most Jedi weren't.

She sat so one day with Gandalf, who was quiet and contemplative most of the time, since they'd arrived. Linshara HAD felt power rumbling within him constantly however, though couldn't quite identify its purpose.

"My dear, would you mind if I asked your something?" He spoke from his seat at the wooden steps of the house entrance.

Linshara, sat crosslegged on the step just above him smiled, her golden locks dancing in the light breeze. "Of course."

Her eyes though followed the sparring dwarves. It wasn't hard to guess the course of her thoughts.

"What is it you fear if you allow yourself to embrace your emotions?" The asked in a gentle tone, looking at her from under his bushy eyebrows

She didn't look at him, instead she exhaled deeply. "I fear becoming like the Sith." The reply was simpler than she'd expected of herself. Linshara was ready to give him a lengthy explanation, yet it came out as such a simple one.

.

"Have many of the Jedi succumbed to such a fate? Surely some were successful in having a balanced existence like so?" He queried on, obviously a point to his questions was somewhere on the horizon.

Linshara slowly nodded, "there were stories told, from when I was a padawan, and before, of those walking the balanced path. Path of both dark and light, path of balance. They were called Grey Jedi."

~Emotion, yet peace.

Ignorance, yet knowledge.

Passion, yet serenity.

Chaos, yet harmony.

Death, yet the Force.~

Could she? Would she? Was she?

"You find yourself wondering if it is possible for you." He stated simply.

Linshara looked over at him, opening her mouth then closing it as no sound came. She took a deep breath and felt the wizard's bony hand on her shoulder. "Yes," she managed finally, nodding.

"I do not believe he would let you fall, dear Linshara, nor would I." Gandalf smiled kindly at her.

She looked down the slope again, brow furrowing. Was there a way to know? To be sure? Linshara simply couldn't be sure.

Of course, it didn't help that Fili pretty much stayed away from her as well, he was usually in the company of Kili and often Ori and Bofur, talking amongst themselves, sparring or even making a makeshift forge to repair their weapons, much to Beorn's dismay. When they did talk though, he was always rather affectionate with her, but not to the level he'd been that day. His barriers had clearly gone back up again.

It wasn't until a few days later that the Force or the will of the Valar provided an opportunity. She'd just finished washing out her long locks after an intense exercise she usually did when alone. She was drying out her hair and wondering how to get it under control as it was getting rather long by now and hair care products left a lot to be desired here.

She felt a presence approach her, a warm and friendly one. "'Ello lass, am I botherin' ye?"

Linshara turned to Bofur with a smile, "not at all, my friend. Not at all. What can I do for you?"

He threw her a bright, wide smile. "I'd like t' talk t' ye 'bout summin' if tha's alright?"

She nodded, smiling as she ran a cloth through her hair, trying to dry it as much as she could. The weather WAS sunny, but it wasn't overly warm, as winter had set in and the snows would start any day now.

He sat himself on a nearby log. "Ye 'ave been a bit distant from us since the Eagle brought ye 'ere lass. Are ye still unwell?"

She frowned a little, "noo. I've fully recovered, Bofur." A fond smile for the funny hatted, kind dwarf, "why?"

Her took out his pipe and filled it with some tobacco then set it alight. "I saw yeh, an Fili tha' day. Summin' past tween yeh, summin' lovely, an' yet' 'ere yeh both are, a' opposite ends most of the time, givin' each other looks an' not doin' anythin' about it."

~Straight to the point, aren't you?~ Linshara smiled a little as she wrapped her hair in the cloth and sat next to him. "It's not that easy, Bofur. I come from a background where we are discouraged from pursuing such things. Fili is a prince, more than likely expected to wed a dwarf princess when we take the Mountain. Besides, we are not even the same race."

The dwarf puffed his pipe and observed her amusedly. "Why are the Jedi discouraged from such things, lass?"

"Because we could fall prey to the Dark Side, and become like the Red One." She explained simply. "I would not wish that fate on any of your, if I should turn, to have to take arms against me."

"All this because o' love?" He asked quietly, watching her.

She blinked slowly then turned to him, "when'd we get to love?"

His answer however was a smirk. "Yeh fear it, dontcher?"

"Becoming like the Red One? Yes." A simple nod in reply.

She looked at him again, she could feel the real question hidden beneath his words. Did she fear love?

"In my experience, lass, i' is fear tha' keeps one tempered." He offered.

That said he stood up again, took his hat off and bowed. She looked after him, pondering his words. A chill reminded her that she really should finish with her hair and return to the house, so she gathered her belongings and went back inside. Having a bunk on the upper level of the house, which afforded her some privacy, which she readily accepted, she'd sort out her tangled mass there.

It was a good ten or fifteen minutes of quiet mutterings below before she felt a presence climbing up the ladder. She knew it was Fili almost instantly. The curious but confident presente laced with a carefully guarded mind. Yet tonight, there also seemed to be intent. She looked up finally as his heavy footsteps grew closer.

"May I join you?" He asked with a smile.

She nodded, motioning with her hand. He however didn't take the indicated spot but rather rounded her, sitting on his knees behind her. She looked sideways at him, confused.

"Allow me. My kind has a way with hair...in case you had not noticed." He said with a smirk, opening his hands.

Somewhat reluctantly she relinquished her locks to him. His thick fingers were surprisingly deft as they worked through her tangles. There were so many things she felt now, being this close to him, excitement, anticipation, fear, curiosity. She did indulge in enjoying the sensations to her scalp as he worked her hair. Just as she was about to open her mouth, he spoke first.

"Linshara, forgive me for being so distant the past several days." His tone was soft and she could feel the sincerity.

"Nothing to apologize for, Fili. I needed distance myself, truth be told." She admitted quietly.

He swept a large portion of hair over her right shoulder and began braiding a section. He took a deep breath and seemed to be struggling.

"I have developed a fondness for you, Linshara." He admitted, "a fondness that had been growing a while. A fondness I succumbed to when your were brought in."

He was afraid, steeling himself, she could tell. By the holies, so was she. "I've succumbed to similar myself." She admitted quietly.

He stopped his motions, she could feel his eyes boring into the back of her head.

"Fili, I could so easily fall and become like the Sith. If I were to give in to all these emotions I'm feeling." She swallowed a lump, steadying herself to continue. "So many emotions I'd never dealt with before, nor taught how to."

"I understand that you must measure yourself, always. That you must take care of your words, thoughts and actions. That passion is a danger to you." Fili said with surprising conviction in his tone. "You are aware of the power you wield and of the responsibility that comes with it. These are not traits I fear, or discard, Linshara. These are traits I admire about you."

She slowly turned so that she could face him. She sat sideways now, knees drawn up, facing him.

"Would you also mind that I do not succumb to possessiveness, jealousy? Would you mind doing the same for yourself?" Her questions were soft, but pointed.

He nodded slowly, "a dwarf only loves once in their life. Their..One is everything to them. The One a dwarf would do anything for."

"Even if this One cannot mirror that devotion?" She asked softly, searching his eyes, his emotions. How could he be so determined?

He reached up, palming her cheek gently, "I am not looking for a mirror, Linshara."

Her heart thundered in her chest. He was sincere, determined. "What ARE you looking for, Fili?" Linshara was surprised at herself how hard that was to ask.

Fili smiled gently at her, "a Jedaii lost in the stars, who has protected my family and my friends, those around her from great evil. She had no obligation to us, whatsoever, yet she came in spite of danger, to our aid every time. She is wise, she is kind, she is generous…" he leaned closer, "she is beautiful."

The kiss was soft, almost shy, yet pretty much perfect. She leaned into it a little, smiling. As he pulled back he leaned his forehead against hers and took a deep breath.

"Our duty binds us to think of others first." He said softly. "But I can make you this promise. When Erebor is restored, I will devote myself to you fully, properly."

Linshara nodded.

Fili took out a small bead, "a courting bead of the House of Durin. A sign of my promise to you, Master Linshara of the House Thannis. I will uphold and respect your duties and boundaries for as long as I live. My affections are yours and yours alone."

She looked down at the small bead in his hand then up at him.

"So that's a courting bead." She mused. ~They actually do that.~

Fili nodded, "it will symbolize this liaison...this commitment. If you would have me?"

She was bursting with feelings on the inside. Joy, fear, excitement, anxiety. On the outside, her eyes mirrored it while she smiled calmly.

"I would." She watched him carefully weave an intricate braid behind her right ear, smiling almost at the irony. ~Almost a padawan braid.~ "I have no bead for you."

"I know, that is why I made two." He beamed at her, "if you can braid hair that is."

She grinned. "If you show me how, I will. Used to make fantastic learner braids when I was younger."

"Tell me about it." He asked as he weaved her hair expertly.

She told him of her childhood, her years on Tython, her travels with Master Wu and he spoke of his early years in Ered Luin with Kili, his mother Dis and of course, uncle Thorin.