For some reason I can't get this chapter to not be in bold. I've tried about seven times and when I hit save changes it just goes back to bold so, that's going to get annoying. And I'm sorry that I haven't updated in the longest time but pretty soon I hope to have a chapter coming out about everyday. That sound good? And if that doesn't happen pick on my beta and not me. Amber is a Jasper's girl. This isn't my best work but... whatev. I'm not in a good mood. Okay, so; Read on my readers, read on.

They were both acting very strangely. Edward grinning like a fool on dope and Ahaj as pale as a dead seal covered in snow and frowning just like one too. I sipped my coke wondering if it was something I said, when a girl started glided towards our table with obvious intentions in mind. She flipped her black hair as she strutted her long tan legs over to us.

She started talking in a language I can't understand. I sighed as I shrugged back into the couch not wanting to pay attention since I couldn't decode a thing. As I sat there and she rambled, I noticed Edward lean back and look down and around at everything but her. I smiled. This must be it.

"Hi. My name is Bella and this is Edward. I believe you two have met." She nodded and grinned. "Well, I think you should get to know each-other more." I said with a fake smile and practically pushed him off the booth.

He looked back at me in panic. I've never seen Edward panic. It was a beautiful yet disturbing sight. Yes, I've seen him angry, outraged, surprised, disappointed and disgusted. But panicked and slightly horrified? Never.

Oh my noodles. I thought as Edward disappeared. With my own free will, I just threw my fiancée into the lioness den. Idiot! Why did I do that? I'm a retard.

I slumped back in my seat as Ahaj started talking to me again. I didn't even hear him. He sounded somewhere in the distance talking like a teacher in the Peanut's cartoon. I was too preoccupied, waiting to see the love of my life go on stage in a Tarzan outfit or something.

I groaned out loud, which made me jump.

"What's wrong?" Ahaj asked subtly taking my hand. I stared at our hands for a while as if in a dream but I woke up and pulled away. He was too... human... to warm. It wasn't right. It didn't look right. His dark skin against my "half-albino" skin, it just didn't mesh. I smiled at him to make sure he was cool. He nodded and looked a bit displaced and put out for some reason but I couldn't think of that right now.

A/N: I don't want to go through the torture of writing how Edward stripped dance. I really don't. Use ya'lls imaginations. I really don't want to write that so take a moment and just imigine it if you will or if not, you're in the same boat with me and I'm heading for Alaska so buckle up. Don't think about it. It doesn't mean anything other than how looney I am right now.

Moley Macedonians... I thought to myself as Edward stealthily ran off stage conserving most of his vampire speed. Key word: most.

I sat back into my seat and stared and my coke, trying to control my breathing. That had to be the most... craziest thing I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot of crazy things. Have you seen Emmett stick glue all over the ceiling so he could pretend to be spider man and throw silly string and unaware passerby's... meaning me? Well I have. And that was pretty crazy.

But this, what Edward just did... I'm trying to figure out if I'm mad at him, happy for him, jealous, miffed, or just want to find the nearest Janitor's closet. I was leaning towards the latter.

I shook my head, realizing that I had gone out of it. I glanced at Ahaj for a second to see what he was doing.

Still looking at the empty stage, Ahaj's mouth started to drool a little. Feeling my gaze, he turned to me.
"That. Was hot." He smirked a little. "Is your brother single?"
I just stared at him for three seconds still coming to terms with what he just said.

Edward's phone began to ring beside me on the table. I picked it up, coming out of my second daze in three minutes. Any more of this and the Cullen's will have no choice but to lock me in the Looney bin with a plastic spoon as my only means for my escape. If I'm lucky I can escape when passing the monkeys and meerkats at the zoo and live with them the rest of my life.
Wow, I have put way to much thought into this.

"Bella? Bella? I know it's you." Rosalie said on the other line.

"Sorry, I blanked out... again." I kept thinking of more escape routes.

"Yeah, okay, well I just wanted to tell you that Emmett said for me to say that Jasper told him that Alice says, that Edward is done with number two."

"Can you repeat that again?" I said half joking, half meaning it.

"I said that I wanted to tell you the Emmett said for me to say that Jasper told him that Alice says, that-"

"Okay, can you please say that first part again?"

" Bella. Don't mess with me. I control more than half the population of boys in Forks and I can use them as my henchmen as I see fit."

"Well, okay then. I won't bug you because the thought of Taylor Pierce coming after me is absolutely frightening."

I heard her growl on the other end. Taylor Pierce is the most geekiest, short, four-eyed, nicest kid I know and I've heard that when the Cullen's moved to Forks and they enrolled in high school, Taylor had the most adorable crush on her.

"Bella. Don't make do a Z. For-ma-tion." I heard her snap on the other line.

"It sounded more like an 's' to me." I tried to keep from laughing. Rosalie was too easy.

She growled. "Bella.. I liked you when we first met. I thought you were an insane child that didn't know what she was getting into. I still love you Bells, and you still are an insane little child... but now you really don't know what you're getting into." She snapped the phone shut.

I gulped. I hate to admit it. But Rosalie scared me at times and I found it incredibly easy to get over that by getting on her nerves and even more easily when she was over two thousand miles away. But now... I was scared she was going to tickle me in my sleep.

Edward's not the only dramatic one in the family; she loves to get revenge and loves to spice it up. For instance, wearing a wedding dress to kill her would-be-husband and friends, or the time Edward 'accidentally' blew up her entire shoe collection. (What's with guys and blowing things up?) Her revenge for that was... well, me actually.

"Bella?" I heard Edward's voice pull me back. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Rose wanted me to say, that Emmett told her, that Jasper said, that Alice said, that you could cross out number two." I sipped my coke.

He nodded and slumped back into his seat. Everyone was quiet. We said nothing. We saw nothing. Usually, I like silence sometimes, but this was the dreaded awkward silence. I was embarrassed because my fiancée just did the super-mega hot dance, Edward was embarrassed because he just did a super-mega hot dance, and Ahaj was embarrassed because Edward just did a super-mega hot dance, which made him pitch a tent in his pants. Oh, yes, the joys of the ever awkward silence.

It was rudely interrupted by a skinny waitress carrying three plates of steaming hot something towards us with a smile and set it down on our table.

"This is what we call 'something ridiculous my computer can't type'" Ahaj spoke as he straightened up with a fork in his hands.

"And what is it?" I asked again. I looked over at Edward who had the most peculiar look on his face. A little disgusted, a little happy, a little surprised, a little regretful, a little condescending and a little sick.

I was about to ask him what was wrong when Ahaj threw his arms in the air and fake yelled. "Grasshopper!"

I eyed Edward and wanted to giggle, his head hung low and swayed a tad.

"Dig in." I said to myself as I pulled apart what I hopped to be the head. I cringed and looked back at Edward, he almost had his first bite to his lips, but he couldn't do it and placed it back down on the plate. I glanced back at mine and then at Ahaj who was chowing down on the little things abdomen. Okay, so they weren't that little. They were about the size of a small chicken leg.
I shuddered. This was so disgusting I would rather eat my uncle's pet snake. Wait a second.
"Hey Edward." I whispered. But his phone started ringing. It was Alice.

He picked it up and two seconds later closed it. "She said that this is an exception that must be made, and the only exception allowable."

I huffed. I was about say that I would be violating the vegetarian thing if I ate this. Well, poop.

I had a big glass of milk right next to me that I would gladly use, but poor Edward didn't have anything that would help him now, except a nice dose of blood, but I think that would be a little more freaky than eating a grasshopper.

I looked over at him sympathetically, but the grasshopper was gone. He pointed to his throat. "Ate it," he said roughly. He actually said something roughly. I'd never thought I would live to see the day.

'Well,' I said to myself, 'here goes nothing.' "Down the hatch!" I spoke quietly as the whole thing disappeared into its doom.

In five seconds flat that 14-ounce milk jug was long gone.

I stumbled out of the restaurant, leaving Ahaj in there to his gaiety. No pun intended. I saw Edward already leave earlier, so I went to go find him and go home.

"Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater." I said as I spied Edward coughing up the grasshopper behind the building.

"Bella, I had to. Human food, of any kind, isn't supposed to enter my body. I can of course, but I have to cough it back up later. You can check with Alice if you want to."

I shrugged. Edward didn't lie, and I already knew that.

I grabbed his hand and we started walking down the road together.

I heard running from behind and turned to see Ahaj coming towards us.

"I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean for you to leave. But I would really like to stay here if you don't mind. I'm sure your brother wouldn't mind looking after you."

I smiled at Edward, who had that twinkle in his eye. "He isn't my brother. He's my fiancée."

"And I will guard her with my life."

I didn't even see the shocked and appalled look on Ahaj's face as we turned around again and Edward placed his arm around my waist, as we walked back to our hotel.

I was still slightly mad at him and didn't want to make a truce yet, partly because I was dead tired and the grasshopper wasn't setting well in my stomach. To bad they don't have any Tums.

I sighed as I slumped down on my awkward bed, so tired I couldn't even see my eyelids close.

I faintly heard Edward say softly, "Don't worry Bells. I'll always be here, beside you. Have pleasant dreams, my love, for tomorrow we go home."

A/N yuppers. I'm not feeling so hot right now so I'm not in the mood to say something funny or stupid like I ussually do. Sorry if I disapointed anybody with not writing Edward dancing. I feel kind of bad about it too, but I could never get it right. So, if you guys really want to, you can write it.

As always; Review like the wind.

- Rosalie