"No, seriously, what is that?" demanded the Clown Prince, rounding on her.
"I am Gotham's reckoning," rumbled the Batman-ta-ray. "I am its judgment, and final justice. I will cover this city in a tidal wave of purifying water, and once I have washed away all crime and corruption, this city shall be a paradise of order. I have waited thousands of years to begin my crusade to wipe the earth clean, as clean and pure as the ocean. I shall reign over it all, and there shall be no crime, and no chaos. Only pure, perfect order."
"So he's crazy," said the Clown Prince. "Explains a lot. Welcome to Gotham, I guess."
"Didn't you hear him?" shouted Ivy. "He's going to destroy Gotham! Not that I care what happens to your pathetic little city…"
"You should, because Harley's here!" snapped the Clown Prince. "And you might be able to breathe underwater, sweetheart, but I'm betting she can't right now! Just tell me how the hell I can stop this thing!"
"How should I know?" snapped Ivy. "Just because he lives under the sea doesn't mean I know everything about him! Why would you jump to that conclusion?"
"Oh, I'm sorry!" snapped the Clown Prince. "What with the sudden realization that mythical creatures exist and all, I just assumed you all knew each other!"
"I do know him!" snapped Ivy. "But he wasn't that huge the last time I saw him!"
"It's…partially my fault," said Selina, slowly.
"By partially, do you mean it's all your fault?" demanded Ivy, rounding on her.
"No," retorted Selina. "He needed something from three different mermaids for his spell to be enacted. He stole my heart, metaphorically, of course. He stole Harley's voice, and he stole your soul, Ivy. With the power of all three sirens' magic combined, he was able to cast his spell to give him the power to make the land like the ocean. He will destroy humanity on a grand scale, starting with Gotham City."
"Not on my watch!" snapped the Clown Prince. "Nobody is destroying my kingdom! It may be a dump, but it's my dump! C'mon," he said, helping Harley to her feet. "Let's get outta here and warn the others. You two try and figure out a way to stop that thing," he said, nodding at Ivy and Selina, and then at the Batman-ta-ray, who was heading slowly and inexorably toward shore, with a huge tidal wave in his wake.
"We came as quickly as we could," said the Mad Hatter, as he and the Scarecrow arrived on the beach. "And as soon as we saw the giant sea monster thing."
"Any ideas on how we stop it?" the Clown Prince asked.
"It's not really the sort of thing one prepares for, is it?" asked the Mad Hatter. "We'd better hope Harvey shows up – he appears to have dealt with odd sea creatures before, and five heads are better than one."
"Speak for yourself," retorted the Clown Prince. "But if Harvey comes, I gotta tell him he was right about the whole mermaid thing."
"I did tell you not to dismiss it out of hand," sighed the Mad Hatter. "But no, you knew better…"
"Hey, it's your nerd friend who said it was complete nonsense!" snapped the Clown Prince. "What's he got to say now, huh?"
"I have absolutely nothing to say," said the Scarecrow. "What can one say when one sees a sea monster with his own eyes? But I cannot believe Harvey was correct about Harley wanting to kill you. No one that beautiful could possibly be an evil person, and even if she was, she would certainly be worth dying for…"
"Joker, please, drop the crush!" shouted the real Crane, interrupting the story again.
"You can't suppress the truth!" snapped back real Joker. "And frankly, I'm in no mood to be nice to you! You're lucky I don't throw in an awkward love confession scene right now, but it would break the flow of the narrative! Back to it!"
"No, I think I met the mermaid Harvey was talking about, and she's a real pain in the patootie," said the Clown Prince. "Seems to think it's fun to go around impersonating people, and then insulting and attacking other people. It's downright rude, I tell you."
"From what Harvey said, you're lucky she didn't kill you," retorted the Mad Hatter.
"What Harvey said about what?" asked Two-Face, appearing suddenly. "And have we thought up a plan for defeating the giant sea monster yet?"
"Not yet – any ideas?" asked the Clown Prince. "And I think I found your mermaid, which totally exist, by the way."
"Good – maybe she can kill the monster like she tried to kill me," snapped Two-Face.
"I did not try to kill you!" shouted Poison Ivy, emerging from the water at that moment. "It was that thing!" she shrieked, throwing her finger at the Batman-ta-ray, who was almost upon them. "He sent that storm to foil me from getting my true love's kiss!"
Two-Face stared at her in shock. "You mean…you think I'm your true love?"
"I did, that's why I saved your life!" snapped Ivy. "I know better now!"
"You…saved my life?" he repeated. "I thought…you were trying to kill me."
"Why would I try to kill you?" demanded Ivy. "I love you, you idiot!"
She realized what she had said, and quickly corrected herself. "I mean…I loved you, you idiot," she snapped.
"I…love you too," he murmured, gazing at her.
"It's great that you're reunited and were able to sort out your little misunderstanding, but we're kinda all gonna die unless we stop that thing, so let's focus on that!" snapped the Clown Prince.
"Hang on!" shouted the Mad Hatter, as the enormous tidal wave headed straight for them. It broke against the shoreline, flooding into the city. The force of the water ripped Harley away from the Clown Prince, and she struggled and flailed, trying to swim. She was suddenly seized by Ivy, and they were both dashed against a building by the wave.
"Are you ok, baby?" gasped Ivy, studying her.
Harley nodded, gesturing at the rapidly receding water in concern. "Don't worry," said Ivy, grimly. "I have a feeling that wasn't the last wave."
"He's trying to flood the city!" sputtered the Mad Hatter as he was helped to his feet by the Scarecrow.
"I can see that, genius!" snapped the Clown Prince, rubbing the water from his eyes. "Where's Harley?"
"Over here!" shouted Ivy, waving at them. The Clown Prince and Two-Face rushed over to them.
"You need to get back in the water, Ivy," said Two-Face, picking her up gently.
"I told Harley, I think there's plenty more coming our way," said Ivy, nodding out to sea where another wave was building.
"Ok, here's what we're gonna do," said the Clown Prince. "Someone needs to distract that thing so it stops pouring water on us, and someone else needs to kill it somehow. I volunteer to kill it."
"Only because you want someone else to be the live bait," snapped the Scarecrow.
"Well, yes, and I can't think of a more fitting option than actual live bait," said the Clown Prince, looking pointedly at Ivy.
"If you expect me to put my life on the line and trust you to kill it before it kills me, you're crazier than I already think you are!" snapped Ivy. She felt someone tug at her hand, and turned to see Harley pointing at both of them. "You want us to attack it together?" interpreted Ivy. "When you can barely swim? Are you crazy too?"
Harley shook her head vehemently. She pointed to the Clown Prince and smiled. "You're doing this for him," interpreted Ivy. "So you want me to put both of our lives in danger to save some man, is that it?"
Harley nodded, smiling. The Clown Prince chuckled, pulling her into his arms and kissing her affectionately. "I love you, Harley," he said.
"I love you too, puddin'," said Harley, beaming at him.
The Clown Prince stared at her. "You can talk…" he began. "Are you another imposter?"
"True love's kiss, remember?" asked Harley, smiling at him. "And you're my true love, puddin'."
"And that's…really your voice, huh?" asked the Clown Prince, slowly. "Wow…uh…kinda annoying, ain't it?"
"Aw, puddin', you're such a kidder!" sighed Harley, kissing him again. "Now c'mon, Mother, let's go distract that thing," she said, charging toward the shore and dragging Ivy after her.
"I'm coming too!" called Selina, meeting them on the shoreline. "Three sirens are better than one, right?"
"Sure, right," sighed Ivy reluctantly. "Though it's not very siren-like to be trying to save men, or taking orders from men, or…"
"Ivy!" called Two-Face, racing after her. She turned and he took her hand. "Be careful," he said, gazing at her tenderly.
"Don't you give me orders!" snapped Ivy. "I'll be careful because I want to be careful, not because some man tells me to be careful! It's my choice and my decision!" she shouted, disappearing into the water.
"Uh…sure," stammered Two-Face. "Kinda liked her better when she didn't talk, but I guess I still love her," he muttered under his breath.