APRIL
When I was married to Matthew, I didn't get nervous about meeting his parents for the first time. They were just normal people who led normal lives who raised a very normal son. But with Jackson, it's a totally different story.
Early on the morning of December 26th, the skies clear enough for Catherine Avery's flight to make its way to Chicago. I'm woken from a deep sleep by Jackson's ringtone and his sleepy voice answering the phone, getting the details from his mother that she's boarding now and when she'll be landing. It'll be a few hours, since there's a layover, but she'll need to be picked up from the airport before 10am.
When he hangs up, he sets his phone back down on the nightstand and rolls over to throw an arm over my side. "My mom's flying in," he murmurs sleepily. "Her flight's about to take off."
"I heard," I say. "You gotta go pick her up?"
"Later, yeah," he says.
"What time is it now?"
He makes a sound as he looks at the clock, only to roll back over to me again. "Almost 6," he says. I turn onto my opposite side and hold him close, nuzzling my face into the warm skin of his neck. "You okay?" he asks.
"Yeah."
He drags his fingertips down my back, letting them drift under the waistband of my pajama pants. "You sure?"
"I'm just… a little nervous, I guess," I whisper. "Your mom is the only one who knows what we did. What if she doesn't like me?"
He scoffs. "What if she doesn't like you," he mutters. "Number one, it's impossible not to like you. You're funny, gorgeous, sweet… not to mention, fucking brilliant." I can't help but smile at that. "And in the off chance that she doesn't, who cares? My mom's opinion doesn't matter."
"It kinda does," I say softly.
"I married you, she didn't," he says, pulling back so he can look at my face. "I get to see you at 5:49 in the morning with your hair all messy and no makeup on." He smoothes back my hair as he talks, and I feel my infamous blush creep up on my cheeks. "No one else does."
"I don't know why you'd wanna see that," I say, darting my eyes up to his.
"Because I love you," he says. "My mom will, too. Listen, I'm nervous for you guys to meet, too. I'm not gonna lie. She can be manipulative, judgmental and critical, but… she's my mom. I want her to meet the woman I love, no matter what she thinks about what we did."
"What does she think about it?" I ask.
"She knows the reason why," he says. "But I didn't go into much detail. She might ask a lot of questions. Which you don't have to answer, by the way. She'll make you feel like you do, but you don't." He curls some hair behind my ear. "Don't let her make you feel small. You're not small." He chuckles. "Well, you are. But not like that."
I smirk. "I'll try," I say.
"And she's gonna love Lainey," he goes on. "She loves kids. And with how smart Alaina is, they'll hit it right off. You won't have to worry there."
"I'll have to get a brush through her hair today," I say, mostly to myself.
"It's all gonna be fine, I promise you," he says. "You guys can talk about surgical stuff. She'll be over the moon - finally, someone she can talk medicine with. She gets tired of it all going over my head. You guys can bond over that."
"That's true."
He props himself up on his elbow and hovers over me as I lie on my back. He strokes my cheek as he looks down into my face and kisses me slowly, resting his hand on my neck.
"We need our rest for today…" I trail off, but my words don't hold much weight and we both know it.
He moves his hand from my neck to push under my shirt, and it finds its way back up to cup my breast softly as he continues to kiss me. "We got plenty of rest," he says. "It's proven that early-morning sex makes for a better day. Scientific fact."
"I know a lot about scientific facts," I say, leaning my head to one side so he can kiss more of my neck. "And I've never heard that one."
"I've proven it to you countless times," he murmurs, squeezing my breast that's still in his hand. "Haven't I? Real-life evidence right there. Theory confirmed."
I smile and roll my eyes. "I don't know if we have time…"
"We have plenty of time," he insists.
"I don't know if we do…" I say, my voice lilting. "Her flight gets in at 9:45, I heard her say, and the drive to O'Hare is gonna take forever with how the roads are."
He pushes the covers back. "At least let me go down on you, then," he says, licking his lips. "It's been so long."
"Yeah, two days," I say, eyes widening.
He pushes himself up on his elbows and presses his lips to my belly, then blows a loud raspberry on my skin. I squeal with laughter at both the sound and the feeling, and wiggle my legs underneath him.
"Stop!" I laugh.
He blows another one, then continues all over my stomach in short, staccato bursts. "Let me give you some amazing head, then I'll stop."
He gives me a look he knows I can't resist as he settles between my thighs. I look down at him and pull my lower lip into my mouth, dragging my teeth over it slowly.
"Leave the lip biting to me," he says, crawling up to kiss me and pull my lip into his mouth, biting it for emphasis. "God, you're so sexy."
He slips a hand inside my pants and runs it over the front of my underwear, and my hips jerk in response to his touch. "Fine," I breathe. "I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to say no to you."
"I've heard that I can be very persuasive," he says, lowering his body back down and sliding my soft pants down my legs until they're tangled by my feet. I'm wearing magenta underwear with white stripes, but soon they, too, join my pants at the foot of the bed under a mess of blankets.
I let myself get lost in the way that his mouth feels - he always knows just how to touch me to make me feel things I never knew I could. When I was with Matthew, I had counted the sex as good. Satisfactory, because I hadn't known any better. But sex with Jackson is beyond amazing, and now that he's set the bar, there's no way I'll ever settle for anything different.
As I come, he bites small sections of the sensitive skin on my inner thighs, and I'm left breathless and ready for more. "C'mere," I pant, and he smiles devilishly as I pull him up to face-level.
When he pushes inside me, I feel every ridge of him and I love it. I tighten my legs around his waist and lean into the kisses he presses to the side of my jaw, trying to keep my moans at a reasonable level so we won't wake up Alaina.
He thrusts his hips roughly as he looks into my eyes. "God, I love you," he groans before capturing my lips in a sloppy kiss. "You feel so good."
"God! Right there," I urge, and he goes even deeper within me. "Right there, right there, right there," I say desperately. "Oh, god, I'm gonna come."
He makes me come for a second time this morning without even having to use his fingers, and takes his turn not long after. I keep his body atop of mine after we've finished, appreciating his dense weight as I run my fingers down his back and press lazy kisses to his shoulder.
"I love you." I say it back even after a little bit as passed after he'd said it to me.
"I never wanna get out of this bed," he says, rolling off to lay beside me. I find my underwear tangled by our feet and pull them back on before snuggling close to his chest.
"Me, neither," I say. "I just want to stay in bed all day with my naked husband and make love until I can't see straight."
He chuckles and kisses me. "You're the fucking cheesiest person alive," he murmurs into my mouth.
"You love me," I smile.
"Duh," he says. "I love that hardass exterior that you show to everyone else that had me so intimidated. But on the inside, you're just this mushy-gushy softie."
"Me?" I ask, baffled. "No, you."
"I'm the furthest thing from a hardass," he laughs. "I teach kindergarten. You're a goddamn surgeon."
"I am pretty cool."
"Well, I didn't say that."
We both giggle with our foreheads pressed together, and I don't even try to keep my hands off of him. Before we get up, we make love two more times that morning.
Afterwards, Jackson gets showered and ready while I lie in bed and listen to him go about his routine. I smile up at the ceiling as I hear him putz about the bathroom, washing his face and shaving it with the new razor I gave him yesterday. When he comes back out, he smells refreshingly like aftershave and his cheeks are soft against mine when he kisses me.
"I'm headin' out," he says, pulling away from my lips only to press another kiss to my forehead. "I'm gonna take my mom back to my place after I pick her up. You and Lainey wanna meet me there around noon? Give her a little time to settle in."
"I can bring over some stuff to make lunch," I suggest. "I'd say we could go out, but I don't wanna make her go out in the blizzard."
"Yeah, lunch at home would be great," he says, smiling warmly. "Don't be nervous. She's gonna love you, okay? All I'm gonna do is talk about you on the ride back, guaranteed."
I chuckle. "Only good things."
"Only good things to tell," he says, throwing the words over his shoulder. "Love you. Oh, look who's up!"
In the increasing lightness of our bedroom, I see Alaina trudging in, rubbing her eyes. She looks up at Jackson and wraps her arms around his waist, and he runs his hand over the top of her hair.
"Mornin', sunshine," he says.
"Why're you not in pajamas?" she asks, squinting up at him. "Where're you going?"
He smiles. "My mom is visiting today from a city called Boston. Her plane lands pretty soon, so I'm gonna drive to the airport and pick her up."
"Can I come?"
He chuckles. "I think you gotta stay here with Mommy and get ready for the day. But you can meet her later, alright? You guys are gonna come over to my house for lunch."
"I've never been to your house before," she says. "Is your mom is gonna be there?"
"Yep, and she can't wait to meet you."
"Okay," she concedes. "Did she bring Christmas presents?"
"My guess is yes," Jackson says, eyebrows raised. "I gotta get going. I'll see you guys in a few hours, though, okay?"
He waves us both goodbye and Alaina walks over to the bed, where she tries to crawl in just as I'm getting out. "Can I snuggle with you?" she asks.
I sigh. "Not this morning, baby. I gotta get up and get ready, and so do you. I gotta get in the shower."
She follows me to the bathroom, lingering by the tub while I turn on the water. "Can I have my iPad?" she asks.
"I don't think so," I say. "How about you try and get a brush through your hair while I'm in the shower?"
She pouts her lower lip and her chin trembles. "But you let me have my iPad in the morning…" she whines, tears imminent.
"Just not today, Laina, I'm sorry," I say. "You've been on that iPad too much during break. It's gonna rot your brain."
"No, it's not."
I quickly strip and step into the shower while still arguing with her. "No means no. I don't know what else to tell you. Go pick out an outfit or try to get your hair brushed, or wait for me to get out so I can help you."
"But what am I supposed to do while I wait?" she asks. "There's nothing to do. I'm bored."
With my head under the water, I close my eyes and try to center myself. "You just got a ton of new toys yesterday," I say. "Go downstairs and play with some of those."
"I don't want to go downstairs by myself," she says.
"Then, honey, I don't know what else to tell you. You're gonna just have to sit there and wait for me to get out."
I hear her crying, but she doesn't fight me anymore. This is the first morning in a while that she's been a bit more obstinate than usual, and I have no doubt that it's stemming from Matthew's appearance a few nights ago. Well, maybe it's that, or maybe it's just her being five. I hate that I can't tell the difference anymore.
I get out of the shower and wrap a towel around my body and my hair. I put my robe on after I dry off and walk with Alaina to her room, sitting on her bed while she stands in her closet. "Let's pick something nice to wear to meet Jackson's mom today," I say.
"Something fancy?" she asks.
"Not too fancy, but a little bit," I say. "How about the soft black dress?"
She rifles through her hangers, but looks back at me with a disappointed expression. "I can't find it," she mutters.
"I can," I say. "Remember this: if Mom can't find it, it's lost forever. Moms can find anything."
She giggles. "Every single thing?"
"Yep," I say, and find the dress within a few seconds. It has ¾-length sleeves and the knee-length, black material is velvet. "How about this and your sparkly silver tights. That would be a great outfit."
Once she's all dressed, I sit her on my lap with the detangling spray in my left hand and the brush in my right and go to town on her matted curls. She whines and screams about it, but thirty minutes later, she's all brushed out for the first time in a while. Now I have to get myself ready to catch up.
I get breakfast on the table for my daughter before going back upstairs and picking out something to wear. I can't decide on anything, so I dry my hair, curl it, and put on makeup before I go back to my closet and stare some more. I finally end up with nice black jeans and a pretty patterned blouse, and by the time I'm downstairs and ready, it's about time for us to leave. I don't want to be late, and allotting enough time for travel on these roads is important.
"Alright, Laina, time to get shoes on," I call from the kitchen. She's on the couch in the living room, playing with two of her new dolls.
She looks up at me, then sits up on her knees to look out the window behind her. "It's blizzarding," she says. "I can't even see our neighbor's house."
"I know," I say. "It's crazy, isn't it?"
"How did Jackson's mom's plane see?" she asks.
"Maybe it wasn't snowing above the clouds," I say.
"How about when it got closer to the ground? What if it was gonna crash into the Sears Tower?"
"I think it could see where it was going," I say. "Don't worry about that. He texted me saying that she landed safely! No plane crashed into the Sears."
It's true, he had texted me a little while ago saying that they were heading back to his place and that everything was going well. My stomach is jumping with nerves and my palms are sweating, but I tell myself that everything is going to be fine. She's just any other person, like anyone else.
Except that she's not.
"Okay, so, shoes!" I say, trying to hustle my daughter. She tromps over to the shoe closet and finds her winter boots and I do the same, pulling on my long winter coat along with them. Alaina zips her puffy purple coat up to her chin and we walk down to the basement to get to our car that's in the garage. "All buckled in?" I ask, glancing in the rearview. She gives me a thumbs-up and I open our garage and head out into the winter wonderland.
As we drive slowly along North Avenue to make our way to Lincoln Park, there are hardly any cars on the road. Still, though, I inch along to be safe. My car may not be as sturdy as Mark's, but it still has 4-wheel, and I feel decently confident in it this morning.
"Can we have music?" Alaina asks, and I switch on the radio to our Rihanna CD. 'We Found Love' starts playing, and Alaina knows every word. She dances enthusiastically in the back seat, and I shake my head as I listen to her get into the song, flailing her arms like crazy.
"You are crazy, girlfriend," I say, my hands tight on the wheel as we merge onto Lakeshore Drive.
We only have to be on here for a few miles, which I'm grateful for. This surface is slipperier than the inner roads because it's so close to the lake, and I don't feel comfortable on it. I do my best, squinting into the blinding snow, only seeing a handful of other taillights among us.
We've almost made it off when it happens. With a big gust of wind, I hear it before I see it. Tires screeching, lights spinning, and a huge impact before total blackness.
Before falling unconscious, I hear someone screaming as snowflakes melt against my skin.
I'm not sure if it's me or Alaina.
JACKSON
The drive back to my place is slow and tedious. I hate winter driving because no one knows how to do it. It's simple - just go slower and get it in your head that everyone else is going to make a mistake, and you'll be fine. It would help if I could see, but there's not much to be done about that.
"The snow is insane," my mom says, sitting in the passenger's seat with her purse on her lap. I'm used to seeing April there, so this is a little bit of a change. My mom hasn't stopped talking for a single minute since I picked her up, so right now I find myself wishing that it was April in her place. I love my mom, but she's a lot to handle. "Is it ever going to stop?"
"Probably not 'til May," I say, chuckling. "Typical Chicago."
"That sounds horrible," she says. "Boston's not even like that."
"It's done that a couple times, if I remember," I say. "I remember I had some snow days in April, back when I was school. It was crazy."
"Speaking of April," Mom slides in, smiling. I roll my eyes. "When do I get to meet her?"
"I told you," I say, drumming my thumbs on the steering wheel. "She and her daughter are coming over to make lunch after we get home. Around noon or so." I grin. "She's excited to meet you."
"I am, too," she says. "It'll be nice to put a face to this name you're always talking about."
"I told her about Grandpa," I say. "She wants to meet him."
"Of course she does," Mom says. "I can't believe she didn't figure it out sooner."
"I didn't even tell her that I had once planned on going into medicine. She never knew that," I say. "I guess she just didn't put it together."
"When you're in love, you don't think about things like names and lineage, I suppose," Mom says. "She makes you happy?"
"Of course she does," I say.
"Just making sure," she says.
"I wouldn't have married her if she didn't," I defend.
"Well, I don't know about that," she says. "I know the reason you got married."
"It's changed since then," I say, staring intently at the road. "A lot has changed."
"Like what?"
"I…" I press my lips together in frustration. I hate when my mom grills me on things I shouldn't be grilled about. Marrying April was my choice, she's my wife, and I'm proud of that fact. "We love each other, mom." I say seriously. "We're in love. She's the one."
"She's the one?" she asks, sounding impressed. "Lord have mercy, I never thought I'd hear my baby boy say that a day in his life."
My face grows hot, but I can't help smiling. At least there's one thing she approves of.
"Well, if you feel so strongly about her, she must be a keeper," she continues. "And she has a daughter, correct?"
"Alaina," I fill in. "She's five. She'll be over, too."
"That sounds great," Mom says. "It'll be a fun visit, all these new faces."
"She's nervous," I say. "April is. So try and go easy on her, okay? No interrogating. Just, like… be normal. As normal as you can. Don't freak her out; she's going through a lot right now."
We pull into my neighborhood and troll down the slick road. "I can handle myself, Jackson," she says. "I'm not going to freak anyone out."
I chuckle to myself, wondering how legitimate those words really are.
I get Mom settled at my place and she takes a rest while I get the kitchen ready for lunch later. When she wakes up from her nap about an hour later, it's almost 1:30 and I haven't heard from April.
"Is she running late?" Mom asks.
I look at my phone, like a message might magically appear at the mention of her name. "No, I… I don't know," I admit. "I haven't heard from her."
"Why don't you give her a call," Mom says gently. I know she can see the worry on my face - at this point, it's probably not subtle.
"I tried," I say, as I dial her number again. I lift the phone to my ear and hear the constant ringing, then her voicemail picks up. "It's just voicemail."
"Maybe her phone died?"
I shake my head. "She never lets it die. I don't know what's going on, I… I haven't gotten a text from her since I sent her the one about being at the airport. That was over three hours ago."
Mom's eyes dart around the room as she tries to think of a solution to this. "I don't know, honey," she asks. "Is there someone who might know where she is? Someone else you can call?"
I sit down on the arm of the nearest chair. "Maybe she got called into the hospital," I say. "I can call there, ask around, see if she did. Maybe she's not answering her phone because she's working - yeah. That has to be it." A huge weight lifts off of my chest as I stop picturing the million bad images that had been running through my head. "She's just working. She might even be in surgery, god, I don't know. The roads are so bad, I bet there's a ton of crashes. They probably need her."
"Good thinking," Mom says, watching me.
I dial the hospital's number and the phone gets picked up by a nurse. "Rush Children's, how can I help you?"
"Hi, um, my name is Jackson Avery… I was just wondering if April Kepner got called in today? She works in trauma, I was just thinking that maybe she got paged. Can you check if she's there?"
"Hold on, sir," she says. "From what I can see, she's not… no, she's not on the board today. She's not scheduled to work until Tuesday."
"She didn't get paged?"
"Oh, one second, sir. You said you name was... ?"
"Jackson Avery."
"Yeah, this is Jackson Avery," the nurse says to someone who isn't me.
"Let me talk to him. Jackson?"
I'm not sure I recognize the voice on the other end, but it's not April. "Yeah?"
"It's Arizona," she says. I recognize the voice now. "I - um, you should get over here as soon as you can."
I cut her off. "Why? What's going on?"
"April and Alaina…. Jackson, just get here. You need to get here. They got in a wreck, and - and that's really all I can say over the phone, I really shouldn't even be telling you this. Just get here. You need to be here."
I hang up the phone without saying anything else. I swipe my keys from the counter and, with my jaw set in determination, shove my arms into my coat.
"What's going on?" Mom asks.
"I need to get to the hospital," I say, forcing my boots on.
"What happened?"
"They crashed," I say. "I don't know much more than that. But they crashed."
"I'm coming with you-" she begins, but I cut her off.
"No," I say. "No. Stay here. I just need to go."
She lingers at the foot of the stairs, looking helpless. "You drive safe," she says sternly. "Don't you speed. You will get there. I don't want you crashing, too."
I can't respond. I just bid her goodbye and leave out the front door, making my way to the car.
I don't remember the ride to the hospital or how long it takes. My brain is blank and numb - I've never felt more helpless in my life. I've already jumped to the worst case scenario - that April is gone and I've lost the love of my life before we could barely spend any time together. I lost her. I can't believe I lost her. Is that why Arizona couldn't tell me over the phone? Because she's dead? She died, cold and alone, in the middle of a snowy road?
I bluster through the automatic doors into the ER covered in snow and am met by Arizona right away. "Where is she?" I demand. My chest is tight and I have no idea how I'm standing up right now. I feel like I could pass out at any second.
"She's in a trauma room," Arizona says. "Jackson, but you - you can't see her."
"Why?" I ask, voice rising. My eyes have glazed over with tears beyond my control. "What happened? Is she dead?"
"She's not dead," Arizona says, her eyebrows furrowed together. "She has a deep wound on her chest, she's just been sutured. Only family can-"
I maneuver around her to start down the long hallway. "Can you just tell me where she is?" I beg. "Can someone just tell me what's going on around here?"
"Jackson, you can't see her," Arizona says, pulling me back by my forearm. "Only immediate relatives are allowed, I'm sorry."
"I'm her husband," I say through gritted teeth. "We got married in November, she's my wife. And I want to see her."
Arizona looks at me with a helpless expression. "Jackson… I… you can't just say this stuff, I can't let you in."
"I'm not lying," I say. "I'll pull up the records for you on my phone, for Christ's sake, just let me see my wife!" Tears have started pouring down my face. I don't have time to pull up the papers right now, nor do I have my own ring to prove our marriage, but April does. "Please, god, just let me see her."
Arizona studies me for a long time. "Okay," she gives in. "She's down this way, but she's not awake."
My hands are shaking as I follow her, and when we stop in front of a room with an open door, I have to grip the wall for support. "Why isn't she awake?" I ask, hearing how fragile my voice sounds. I've never seen April look smaller than she looks right now. She's alone in the room, bandages wrapped around her shoulders and collarbones, her eyes blackened and closed. Her bottom lip is split and the bruising on her face maps down lower as well, I'm assuming beneath the bandages and possibly further. "What the hell happened? Can you please just tell me?"
"There was a car spinning out of control on Lakeshore," Arizona says. "It hit them from the back. April slammed into the steering wheel and has some severe bruising and one large laceration, but other than that she's going to be okay."
"Why is she asleep?" I ask.
"We had to sedate her," Arizona says.
"Why?"
"Because - Jackson, because of Alaina."
My stomach drops to the floor and I hold onto the foot of April's hospital bed. I can't believe that she hadn't crossed my mind, and I am a horrible person because of it. "Where - where is she?" I stammer. She must be so scared. I need to see her. I need the three of us to be in a room, together. We can get through this. It was just an accident. Everyone's a little banged up, but they're going to be fine. It was just an accident.
"She's in OR 2," Arizona says. "Alex - Dr. Karev- is with her."
"Alex?" I say. "Who the fuck is Alex? When can I see her?"
"Alex is a pediatric surgeon, just like I am," Arizona says, but her voice wobbles as she tries to stay calm.
"Then why aren't youup there with her?" I say.
"He's got it handled. She's in good hands. I thought it'd be better if I could meet you when you came in."
I look over at April, then back to Arizona. "When's Alaina getting out of surgery? Does April know? Does she know what happened?"
"She was disoriented when they were admitted," Arizona says. "She was nearly violent. She was hurting herself worse."
"What about Lainey?"
She shakes her head slightly. "She wasn't conscious," she says.
"She… she wasn't…" Suddenly, I can't catch my breath. "But she's gonna be okay, right? What happened to her?"
"She took most of the impact," Arizona says. "She had a lot of internal injuries and brain trauma. Our head of neuro, Dr. Shepherd, is up there with Alex, too"
"Is she gonna be okay?"
"We're doing everything we can," she assures me, but it doesn't do much. "Jackson, you should sit. You look like you're about to faint. Is there someone I can call? April's family, maybe?"
I hold my head in both hands, staring wide-eyed at the clean, tiled floor. "They won't be able to come," I say. "Don't worry them until you… until we know what's…" I shake my head. "I don't know, okay? I don't know. I don't know what they'd want to know. I barely know them, we've met once." My voice trembles and my throat clogs; and I feel spit bubbles form between my lips. "We've met once. I don't know who to call. I don't know what to do."
Arizona leads me to a chair by April's bed, her handle gentle on my shoulder. "Okay, okay, it's okay," she says. "Don't worry about it. We'll figure it out when April wakes up."
I look up at her, feeling more vulnerable than ever. "What do I do now?" I ask.
She rubs my shoulder and looks into my eyes solemnly. "Sit. Wait. Be here when she wakes up, that's all you need to worry about right now. We can take care of everything else."
I nod shakily, gripping the side of April's mattress. I feel like if I let go, I'll tumble to the floor.
"Okay," I mumble.
"I'll come tell you if there's any news on Alaina," Arizona says. "I'm going to go up to the OR to see if there's any way I can assist."
"Okay," I repeat, moving my eyes from the doctor to my wife. "I'll stay here."
"You stay here," she says, and pats my shoulder a couple times before heading off.
When April and I are alone in the hospital room, the lump returns to my throat. I can't stand how small and feeble she looks, all bruised and broken in her hospital gown. I feel so guilty. She and Alaina had been coming to my house to do something that would make me happy. If it weren't for me, they wouldn't have been on the road in the first place.
"Please be okay," I whisper. "Please wake up. I'm here."
She doesn't bat an eye, though. Her face stays unmoving and I'm not sure where she is, but she's not here with me.
Just this morning we'd been fine. We were ourselves - a normal couple with problems that are a little out of the ordinary, but we were healthy and we loved each other. Things should've just stayed that way. I should've never made her go out in the horrible weather. It was a stupid, selfish thing to ask.
It takes two hours before April stirs. I'm leaned forward with my forehead on the mattress, clutching one of her hands, and when I feel her fingers start to move I quickly sit up straight.
Her eyes are closed, but her lips are twitching. Her eyebrows furrow together, creating the crinkles in her forehead that I love so much, and her eyelashes flutter. "April, April, I'm right here," I say, stroking her hand with my thumb. "I'm right here. You're okay."
It takes her a while to open her eyes fully, and when she does they're clouded. She blinks them hard as she smacks her lips, and I hand her a cup of water with a straw.
She stares blankly ahead without drinking the water for what seems like forever, just blinking into the distance. "Wh… what happened? Where am I?" she asks, eyes narrowed.
"You were in an accident," I say gently, one hand on her leg. "You're at the hospital. You got cut up pretty good and you have some bad bruising, but other than that you're fine."
She takes a long sip of the water and a deep inhale, hand shaking as she holds the cup in front of her. I take it before she spills it, and her eyes become clearer as the seconds pass.
"Where's Alaina," she croaks, throwing back her covers and dislodging her IV in the process. "What's going on? Where's my kid? Where's my daughter?"
She sets her socked feet on the ground, but I hurry to stand from my chair to stop her from going anywhere. "Sit down," I say gently, directing her back to the bed. Trying to, at least - she's fighting me with all she's got. But right now, that's not much. She's weak, and the bruising and lacerations are hurting her. "She's in surgery - Arizona has her."
"I need to see her!" April shrieks belligerently. "Let me go. I need to see Alaina."
She claws at my biceps, digging her nails in as sharply as she can, but I don't relent. She can't wander the hospital wearing nothing but a gown in search of her daughter - she'd probably burst into OR 2 and demand a scalpel. I can't let that happen.
"Arizona said she'd come tell us whenever she knew something," I say. "You can't go looking for her!"
"Yes, I can," she grunts, but suddenly stops fighting as her eyes center on something over my shoulder. I turn around to see what it is, and see both Arizona and Alex making their way towards us with sober, pale faces. "No," April says, her voice low. "No. No. No. No."
She pulls her arms away from me and stands in the middle of the room, her face contorted into a violent frown. She points her finger at them and, as the tears start to drip down her cheeks, spit flies from her mouth when she speaks.
"Don't you say it," she says, her voice trembling. "Don't. Don't you say it."
"April…" Arizona says, as gently as she can. Her eyes are glassy, and Alex can't even look at his coworker. But me… I can't take my eyes off of her. Off of this situation.
"We did everything we could."