I awoke, stiff and cold from the slab and the lack of blanket. The pressure from the belt in the night had caused me to sleep awkwardly and all my back muscles screamed in protest whenever I tried to move. I managed to sit up, but that was all I felt I could do.
The guard from last night, seeing I was awake, came over to the field with a ration pack anf bottle. He looked at me oddly. I wondered if he was in trouble for our conversation last night, but then.
"I know who you are."
This was it, the anger, the rejection. A Dominion agent had expressed sympathy with him about his daughter, he would feel so angry, he would probably feel violent. Maybe he would get a quick swing off at me then bring out the dermal regenerator before the transport arrived. It would not be the first time a guard chose to express their disgust at my alleged crimes physically.
"You're Julian Bashir"
I winced, here it came. It could not hurt that much.
"You wrote a paper on nutrition support for Yamada kids. We've been using it as part of Sophie's treatment plan. It's stopped the necrotic reaction in her gut. One of her doctors knew about your work, suggested it. You're saving her life."
I remembered that paper, written just before I started on DS9, when I had been working in the Massachusetts Central Hospital NICU. I knew that it had been used when I was still practising, but I had just assumed that research had moved on so much that my name had been forgotten.
"We owe you everything, and you're here!" the guard announced, an incredulous note in his voice. "You're in here about to be shipped off as a traitor. We heard that something had happened to you, but not this."
He shook his head, then looked at me again.
"When you were fitting, last night. When you started to come round, you were asking for Captain La Forge over and over again. Why?"
"I needed to speak to him about a matter that is very urgent. It was urgent, it isn't now."
The guard was silent for a moment.
"He is on Earth. He used to be my commanding officer, he came to the hospital to see Sophie two days ago. We owe you everything, my wife and I. Maybe I can ask him if he will come here, to see you, to talk to you?"
Hope sparked in my chest. It may still be possible to stop everything.
"Yes, if you would be willing. But I thought I was being shipped out today?"
"The transport's been delayed. It won't be for a couple of days yet. But I'm off shift now, so I will see what I can do."
I tried to stay calm. Agitation would only set off my movements. I touched the point on my leg where the scar was. I could feel the isolinear chip under my skin, like a cancer, a cancer of knowledge which had invaded my brain and caused me to do something so stupid, to put myself back here again.
No person spoke to me that day, and in a way, I was grateful. The new shift guard placed my food within reach, so I ate and drank in an automatic, zombielike way.
After the third meal, Sophie's father returned.
"He is going to come and see you. He will be here in about fifteen minutes. For security reasons, I will have to lock down your attractor belt, so if you have anything you need to do which involves moving around, do it now."
La Forge arrived more quickly than I was expecting and the shock of the belt locking down scared me. It pulled me back against my will and completely irresistibly against the slab, I was sat, back to the wall, emitters touching each other, completely unable to move the main part of my body. It was so uncomfortable. The claustrophobia sprang into my brain again. What if the guard was lying, what if I was already at the starbase and had been condemned to stay pinioned forever, sitting bolt upright against a cell wall? I calmed myself, but it was too late, the twitching had begun again. I must have looked such a state when La Forge appeared in front of my cell.
"I understand you wanted to speak to me" he began.
He looked uncomfortable too. I had met him once, a long time ago, on the Enterprise when I had been analysing an alien device which had activated Data's ability to have dreams. Geordi, Captain La Forge, had been close to Data and we three had spent many hours together investigating Data's dreams. We had been equals, three scientists, three explorers. That was definitely not the case now, but I had one chance to convince him of my story, and I could not afford to waste it.
"Some time ago, about five years, you were commanding the USS Challenger."
"I still do" he replied, very professionally, maintaining a definite distance.
"You might not remember two ex-Starfleet officers captured by your ship attempting to change the timeline. Attempting to send a message back to the USS Voyager."
"I remember."
"They are going to try again. We all escaped from prison together, and they're going to try again with a Maquis weapon. I came to Earth to tell you, so you could stop them. I did this." I gestured with my arms at the cell, at the belt. "So I could tell someone, so I could stop them."
"Do you have any proof."
"It's embedded in my leg. I implanted an Isolinear chip from their PADD in my leg before I set off to Earth. It would have been confiscated any other way."
He turned to the guard.
"Can we get it out, are there medical facilities here?"
"Sickbay" the guard replied "Just down the corridor".
I was cuffed again, this time in a sort of vest arrangement which held my arms across my stomach. A guard in front and behind escorted me to the sickbay, which, similar to the 53 sickbay, contained more security than medical equipment.
"Doctor" La Forge turned to address the medic. I had to fight the impulse to look up as well.
"We believe this man has important evidence hidden on his body, under the skin in his leg. Can you remove it without damaging it or him."
The doctor nodded.
"Put him on the bed." She gestured to the guards, ignoring me.
They pushed me down to sit, then lie on the biobed. My hands were removed from the vest and restrained on the bed, my feet the same. Trussed up like a turkey, it was terrifying. But she was clean and efficient, and in a couple of minutes, La Forge was assembling the chip into his tricorder and reading the data. He turned pale and addressed the guard in a businesslike tone.
"I need to speak to Internal Affairs. Don't let him be transported until after I've agreed." he ordered the guard, the turned and disappeared.
Back in my cell, I was nervous. A few hours passed. I wanted to move but pacing was impossible with the belt on, however, so I wiggled my legs and flapped my arms when no-one was looking. I knew something had happened when the belt locked me to the cell wall again. A minute or two later, La Forge appeared, flanked by two Internal Affairs people. Senior ones by the look of their uniforms. One of them stepped forwards and spoke first.
"Julian Bashir. As you are no doubt aware, on Stardate 65356, you were arrested on suspicion of espionage. Subsequent investigations revealed sufficient grounds for you to be held by Internal Affairs indefinitely."
They always had to be so formal, so efficient and cold.
"You unlawfully escaped from custody on Stardate 70021 and have been wanted by the Federation ever since. Following your recapture, you should now be taken to re-evaluated at a secure facility. However, based on the evidence supplied by yourself to Captain Geordi La Forge, it has been agreed that a situation exists where your direct input is required to avert a serious incident. Therefore, you will be released to the custody of Captain La Forge for the duration of his mission to recapture Harry Kim and Chakotay, then you will be returned to us once this mission has finished."
So that was that then. The final ending postponed for now. I was removed from the cell, given access to a sonic shower and a fresh uniform, still prison black but clean. La Forge had two of his security officers beam down to accompany me. It all moved very quickly, in the end it was probably five hours or less between the initial conversation and USS Challenger departing for the Badlands with me in a cell in the brig. No belt, much better than wherever I had been. Nobody had ever told me where it was.
The Head of Security had assigned guards to watch me, who turned out to be fairly sympathetic people. For the first time since I had been arrested at Starfleet HQ, I was allowed a PADD and a choice of food. I was given a briefing on the plan. The information on the chip stored in my leg showed that they needed to be in the Badlands as they intended to power the bomb off the plasma discharges. It would take a week to get from Earth to the Badlands, at which point the crew would begin scanning for our old ship. It seemed from what I saw that they really did not know what they might find, the information was so incomplete. They did not know how Harry and Chakotay might integrate the bomb into the signalling device.
Part of me wanted no involvement in all this, but I knew the only reason I had been brought along was my usefulness. If they had not needed me, I would have been en route to a starbase by now. So I read the briefing notes and tried to think of any contributions that would be required.
Three days after we left Earth, when we were about halfway to the Badlands, I was called to attend a senior staff meeting. The guard, Ensign Taylor, apologised profusely to me as he slid the Internal Affairs cuffs on my wrists. It was a very surreal moment. We marched in a small procession, myself, Taylor and Liutenant Harris, up to the Observation Lounge. I had another flashback to that moment on DS9, with Sloan's lackeys marching me to the holding cells. I did not feel the embarrassment this time, though plenty of people stopped to gawk at me along the way. It could have been them, I thought. I had learnt during my time how arbitrary Internal Affairs could be.
In the meeting room, I was uncuffed, though the guards remained hovering behind my chair. I gave all the information I knew about the freighter, its modified weapons and shield systems. When we had done the modifications, I had just assumed it was for protection, it had never occurred to me what they were planning. The Tactical Officer gave all known information about the Maquis time weapon, I explained all I could remember about the configuration of the freighter's warp core, so its signature could be calculated and tracked. The meeting was long and tiring, the only relief came in being uncuffed for it. In handcuffs, the length of time would have been intolerable.
Finally it ended, and the staff were dismissed. I was just rising to face the guards, ready for what was coming, when La Forge said loudly.
"Mr. Tembo, Harris, Taylor and Dr. Bashir. Can you stay please?"
I froze. The officers turned to face La Forge.
"Does Dr. Bashir really have to be handcuffed when he walks through the ship?" asked the Captain to his Head of Security
"Sir," he replied, uncertainly. "It is an Internal Affairs regulation and a condition of his release to us."
"Do you think it's really necessary?"
"No, Sir. Not according to what I have seen on his file, anyway."
"And you two" La Forge turned to address Harris and Taylor. "Do you think it's necessary?"
"No, not really Sir." They replied in unison, looking a little sheepish.
"Then I don't think Internal Affairs needs to hear about it."
And that was the final word on the matter, but from that point on, I was allowed to walk through the ship without handcuffs whenever I was needed somewhere. A small thing, but it made so much difference to me. People still stared, after all, I was still distinctive and it turned out that many of the older Starfleet people had heard bits of my story. The looks were not all hostile, though. I'm not sure I could have carried on if they had been. I had to believe that not everyone hated me, not everyone thought I was guilty.
For the first time, however, I was feeling like a traitor. Not to Starfleet, I knew the truth about that even though the people who mattered did not believe me. No, I was a traitor to Harry and Chakotay. The feeling only deepened as time went on, until the crunch time.
"Bashir to the bridge, please."
I jumped as my name echoed around the brig comm system. Harris was on duty, so I dutifully got up and went with him from the brig to the bridge. As I walked, I felt as though I would vomit with guilt. As we arrived on the bridge, I looked up at the viewscreen. I desperately wanted to see another ship, an innocent ship, but the familiar lines of the freighter appeared in my vision. I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry.
"That's them" I rasped.
La Forge nodded at me, then turned to his bridge crew.
"Status?"
"Sir, there's a strange chroniton discharge coming from the ship."
"Have they begun?"
"I don't believe so, it seems to be just a random stream of chronitons."
"OK, hail them"
The viewscreen chirped into life.
"This is Geordi La Forge of the USS Challenger"
Chakotay's voice came on the screen, he looked tired and worn. The cabin was filled with smoke, the ship was rocking.
"You found us again then? You must know this time we will do it or die trying. No other option."
"And we must do everything necessary to stop you. We must protect the timeline. Who knows what will occur if you successfully change things?"
There was a scuffle on the other side of the viewscreen, and Harry came into view. In contrast to Chakotay, he looked more alive than I had seen him in years. A maniacal gleam lit his eyes. Those gleaming eyes locked on to mine, and I started back, shocked by the intensity of them even across subspace.
"So, you're here? Should have known. We could have made things better for you too! What have they offered you? Release? A more comfortable prison? More precious visiting time?" He spat the words. "You are a traitor! We would have changed everything together. We will do it anyway. You can't stop us now!"
I could not help myself. Each word he spoke was like a blow to me.
"They offered me nothing. I chose to come here, to tell them. You don't know that things will be better, you cannot know. Please stop. Maybe we can solve the problems in this timeline."
"No!" He screamed at me "I killed them once, I will not do it again. We're firing"
The communication disconnected, I stepped back, tears in my eyes.
"I'm sorry" I whispered.
"Sir, the chroniton signature is changing, forming a pattern. Some kind of temporal anomaly wave is being formed from within the ship." The Science Officer reported.
I could see on the viewscreen the light purple wave forming at the edge of the ship, the computer's attempt to put the phenomenon in visual terms. A tendril from a nearby storm had locked on to the deflector shield. This was what had been meant by harnessing the storm to power the temporal wave.
"Sir, the energy emission is becoming stable and coherent. The wave is about to be ejected."
It was moving, I could see it. It would be fired outwards, targeting Voyager. If it was successful, it would then sweep across us all.
"Fire modified photon torpedoes. Target the deflector." ordered La Forge.
The ship shuddered slightly as the torpedoes were released. I tracked the tiny beads of light as they began their inexorable course towards the freighter. The wave grew bigger, changed colour, the ship appeared enmeshed in the temporal anomaly now. Then the torpedoes found their target. The dish exploded, the plasma tendril tore into the unprotected hull, eating through the ship. My last view of the freighter was as the wave collapsed into it, the signal to Voyager unsent. An explosion of bright, white light filled the viewscreen and our eyes, leaving me momentarily blind. Only La Forge, with his computer controlled eyesight was protected.
Once it had cleared and vision had returned, I scanned the screen for a view of the ship. There was nothing, just floating debris. They were gone, it was over. Feeling close to tears, I turned to return to the holding cell. Harris saw me, and turned to go with me. We were both silent. The whole bridge was silent save for the automatic noises of an uncaring computer.
Eventually, the tactical officer spoke up.
"Target destroyed, sir"
I sped up, walked into the turbolift as fast as I could. I could no longer hold myself together. Harris accelerated to match me and we entered the turbolift together. He must have known, though, as he allowed me to turn away from him and cry. It was over now, there was a hollow emptiness inside me that would not be satisfied.
I walked into my cell slowly, reluctantly. There was really no way out now. I had not realised before how much I wanted Chakotay and Harry to succeed, how much I wanted things to be different. I had betrayed them because there had been no choice. My natural abhorrence at the idea of changing the timeline won out over any personal desire I had. But I wanted them to succeed. I wanted things to be different. I knew that, by walking into the cell, I condemned myself to this for my entire life.
Harris sensitively walked away, out of sight. I knew he was still there, but he was trying, doing all he could to respect me. I knew that where I was going, there would be no such respect. My time in 53 had been exhausting, all that unfocussed hate floating around. Their hate of me, my hate of them, the place, the situation.
I reached up my hand and touched the forcefield. I felt it prickle against my skin, try to push me away. I fought it, holding my hand in place. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up from the energy, the lightening crackled around my skin as my palm warmed. I held my hand there for as long as I could, a minute, maybe less. Before I took it away, I swept an arc of light across the field, watching the electrical sparks dance as the field activated.
Back on my slab, I looked at my red, sore hand and an idea formed in my mind. It was stupid, unfeasible. I did it anyway. I had to do something.
Taking my blanket, I tried to tear it. It would not tear. I used my hands, my teeth, but I could not make it rip. I was almost in tears with the effort by the time I gave up. It was hopeless. But the idea remained. I rolled the blanket up and wrapped it around my neck. I knew I would fall unconscious and let go before I died, but I had to try, had to do something. I began to pull. I felt my airway close, I pulled harder, fixated on the idea of how much I wanted it all over. I understood Miles now. I had betrayed my friends, as he had done so many years ago. I wanted it all to be over. Not because I believed in any better afterlife, in that respect I was a poor follower of the Prophets. No, that is not strictly accurate. I believed, but only for other people. I was not deserving, not any more.
The last thing I heard was the sound of alarms, footsteps, a bright flash as the forcefield came down. Then darkness. Sweet, sweet darkness.