Okay so this is so not okay. You can slap me in the face if you want to. I really wanted to update earlier but there is sadly no I get home form work I'm exhausted and the last thing on my mind is to write(the only thing on my mind is to sleep and eat) As always I'm totally amazed by your respons. 22 reviews for chapter 11? And over 150 reviews in total (next goal 200haha just kidding. Or well I'm not but I have to deserve it too) How amazing. I can't than you enough. I'm so grateful even though I don't have time to answer anymore. I do read them and appriciate them the same and if you have a ueation or a request I will take it in consideration. I also have a few one shots I'm thinking of writing so stay tuned! :) I hope you will like tis chapter. I really wanted to post it t night or else it would pronbably take another week so I hope you don't find it too hasty. I tried to check the spelling but well, not sure i got all the way ;) Please make me happy and review. I will try to update soon again!

Kurt tried to dial Blaine's number a second time as he felt the panic come creeping inside him again. However for the second time he only managed to reach Blaine's voice mail. He ignored the voice asking him to leave a voice mail and felt the tears in his eyes sting. He bit his lips and blinked, desperate for the tears to go away. He was so tired of crying. He was still alone in the parking lot, neither of his friends had come after him ad he didn't know how he felt about that. It really hurt him that nobody cared enough to ask what was wrong. Not even Mercedes cared any more.

He figured he should leave before glee ended and shakily put the key into the ignition. He drove off in silence, trying his hardest to concentrate on the road a head of him. As he pulled to a stop in front of a red light he let his mind wander of to the incident in the bathroom. He felt disgusting and filthy and every time he closed his eyes he could feel Karofsky's breath against his face ad his hands toughing him. Anxiously he moved in his seat to try to get rid of the creeping feeling inside him but it didn't help at all. All he wanted to do was to go home and take a long shower and rub away all the dirt and filth. He couldn't go home though, not yet. Finn would be there and maybe even Puck or Rachel and he couldn't take any more angry words.

The light turned green but it wasn't until the car behind him honked that he snapped out of his trance and pressed his foot down on the accelerator a little harder then necessary and he almost collided with a car turning left in front of him. He pressed down on the break and missed it with a couple of meters, earning another angry honk behind him. His hands shook dangerously and he forced himself to pull up into the nearest parking lot. He turned of the engine off and opened the door and let himself out almost falling to his knees .His breaths was short and wheezing and he could hardly draw in any air. He wrapped an arm around his midsection and another to his collar to try to release the pressure on his neck from his shirt but the more he ripped the more panicky he felt. He was suffocating. Karofsky's hands were on him and no matter how hard he tried to remain calm he knew what was coming.

Panic attack.

He had nursed himself through panic attacks before but his father had always been there with him when it happened. He had rubbed his back or held his hand and helped him to breathe before he had calmed down. Then he had helped him to his room, but him into bed and tucked him in. He always stayed with him until he fell asleep from the exhaustion and he always made a cup of tea for Kurt to drink once he woke up again.

But now here he sat in front of his car trying to remember everything his dad had taught him. The tears streamed down his face but his sole focus was on getting his breathing under control because passing out was not an option. He inhaled as deeply as he could through his nose and exhaled through his mouth. He had no idea how long he lied on the ground like that but it was long enough for the chilly air to make him cold and shivering. His breathing, however, calmed down and he felt himself come back to his senses. He stood up and tried to brush of the dirt from his pants. His knees where wet and dirty from where had sat on the asphalt. He would have to but all his clothes in the washing machine as soon as he came home. Otherwise he would never be able to wear them again without feeling dirty. He swore under his breath, he rarely washed his jeans unless it was really necessary since they would lose their shape.

He climbed into his car again and finally decided to make his way home anyway. He really needed to lie down and take a couple of pills for his increasing headache and he could only hope that Finn wouldn't be there.

The house was quiet and dark when he arrived so he just unlocked the door and headed straight to his room and into his bathroom. He tossed his clothes in a plastic bag and but it in his hamper. He turned on the shower and as he waited for the water to get hot he studied himself in the mirror. His face was swollen from crying and his hair messier than ever before. His side had finally started to heal even though it didn't feel any better at all. After his little panic attack it throbbed awfully with every breath and he guessed that doing a lot of dancing wasn't that good for him. He sighed and popped out another painkiller figuring it might at least put the edge of the pain away so he could pretend he was fine once his father got home. He had thought so many times about telling his dad about his ribs but every time he did he always found a reason not too. He didn't want his dad to worry about him, it was to stressful to his heart or he just didn't want his father to think of him as weak. Finn would probably handle it and Kurt desperately wanted the kind of approval that Finn had gotten from his dad ever so often lately.

The water was hot, maybe too hot, when he finally stepped on but he ignored the stinging to his cold feet and hands and instead started to rub his skin frantically with his peeling glove. He needed to get rid of the feeling that Karofsky's clammy hands were all over him. He rubbed hard ignoring the pain, it wasn't until it felt like his thighs were bleeding that he stopped. His skin was red and angry from the mixture of his rubbing and the hot water. He stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. He went into his room again and found a pair of jogging pants and a hoodie that he put on. He felt a bit better after the shower even thug his body was stiff and sore from the panic attack earlier and his head was absolutely killing him. It was his turn to make dinner to night but since Finn wasn't home yet he figured no one would be home in at least two hours, which left him with plenty of time to start on his homework and run through the dance routines a couple of times. He yawned. Maybe he should lie down for a couple of minutes before starting. It couldn't hurt. He was exhausted and taking a power nap would do him good. He lay down on the bed and tucked himself in under one of his blankets and closed his eyes.

He woke up with a startle as someone shook his shoulder slightly.

"Kurt?"

It was his father's voice.

Kurt opened his eyes and turned his head to face his dad. He glanced at his alarm clock and realized he had slept for more than two hours. He winced slightly as he sat up but his father didn't seam to notice. Instead he had a disappointed look on his face.

"Care to tell me what's going on?" He asked and looked Kurt straight into the eyes.

Kurt shrugged. There was a lot of things going on but nothing he planed on telling his dad about.

"Don't try to fool me, Kurt" Burt said. "I had a little chat over the phone with your Glee teacher. Mr Shnu or something."

"Shue" Kurt corrected.

"Anyway he told me you were late for practice today and then you stormed of in the middle of it with out further explanation"

Kurt bit his lip.

"I..."

"I'm just wondering why Kurt, you never skipped before"

"I...I just. I was really tired and my head is killing me and I had heaps of home work and than me and Mercedes had a bit of a fall out and I just felt like I needed to leave. But I didn't mean to just leave. I just..." His voice died out again.

He didn't know what to say to convince his dad but much to his relief, Burt's expression softened and he smiled softly.

"Okay, buddy. I know you have been stressed lately but skipping won't to you any good. No more of that, okay?"

Kurt nodded and made a move to get out of the bed.

"I should probably start dinner" He said and covered his mouth when he yawned again.

"Carole's got it covered" Burt said gently and rested an hand on Kurt's back. "You can stay here and I can call you down when it's done"

Kurt nodded even though he felt sick with the thought of eating anything.

"Okay, bud, see you later" Burt said as he left the room and closed the door behind him.

Kurt sighed and slid himself of the bed. He really needed to start on his homework and run through the routines if he didn't want to spend the whole night awake. He checked his phone, disappointed to see that Blaine hadn't called or texted him back yet. He probably has better things to do, Kurt thought sadly as he sat down on his desk chair and pulled out his French text book. He had always been afraid that Blaine would finally get tired of being his friend. All good things always came to ad end Blaine was the best thing that had happened to him in a log time. Even though he hadn't told Blaine that himself. That would be very creepy.

He worked on his homework's until his dad called him down for dinner.

Dinner was awkward with Finn casting glares at Kurt every now and then and Kurt playing with his food and swallowing small bites of his chicken, trying not to throw up. Finn was clearly still pissed with him and frankly it was starting to really annoy Kurt. He hadn't done anything to Finn and yet Fi was acting as if Kurt had stolen his girlfriend or broken his phone or something. Sure his relationship with Finn had been strained for awhile but they usually talked to each other. Now they just ignored each other and in school the only thing Finn did was either yell at him or watch as Rachel yelled. Not once had Finn asked him on how he was doing or noticed how the bullying had increased. Not even after today, Kurt thought sadly.

Carole and his father kept up their usual conversations and told each other about their days and work and stuff. Kurt just listen briefly and tried to answer whenever he was asked a question but soon the intense glares from Finn became to much and he excused himself from the table and hurried to his room before his father or Carole could question him on why he hadn't eaten anything.

As soon as came into his room he sunk down on his bed and closed his eyes. He wondered how long this would last. The pretend act was getting harder and harder to play and all he really wanted to do was to scream and yell and tell everybody what was going on. If they would care.

His phone beeped and Kurt couldn't help but getting excited. As he reached for his phone he noticed he actually had two new texts. The latest one was from Blaine and Kurt smiled.

Had warblers practice

all afternoon until now.

What did you want? You ok?

Talk to you tomorrow.

Miss talking to you.

Kurt felt his heart skip a beat. Blaine missed him? Like Kurt missed Blaine? He felt himself blush with the idea. He opened the other text and felt his body go cold.

If you tell anyone

I'll kill you.

Oh didn't know Karofsky knew how to text. Hm. Let me know what you think. What did you like/not like? At least Burt sort of came to his sense. Review please. Reviews are fuel to a slow engine that needs that extra energy to run. I will try to update before or during the before depending on how tired I am after work :) XXX