Author's note: I LIVE! Muahahahahaha! Take that abandoned muses! I spite you and your fair-weather tendencies! Okay, so.. A lot has happened in these months since I last updated (Please don't kill me! I know it's been forever! I'm really sorry!), like school (damn you college), my boyfriend moving into my house, my computer being reformatted and therefore my documents mauled and mangled, me starting the dreaded insulin for the first time.. I have to thank all of you who have stuck with me this far and still bother to read this fic, even after half a year without updates. *winces* I'm really sorry! Please take this chapter as a token of my love and appreciation for all of you! There is more to come, I promise! *dashes off to write more*

Chapter 12

Safe Haeven

Edward stared at me.

"You look like you had fun.."

I was currently draped over Bella and Alice dramatically, looking and feeling exhausted. "If Alice buys me one more thing, I'm going to pass out." I declared into Bella's arm. Then I squinted blearily at the empty space next to Edward. "Where's Rach?" I asked, frowning.

"Her 'beau' beckoned." Edward answered with a slight smile.

"Ah.. Good to know."

"Don't worry, dear Danny, I'm not going to buy you anything else." Alice promised as she patted my leg that was on her lap. I sighed in relief.

"But, I do need to do some alterations tonight." she added cheerfully.

My heart convulsed painfully, which caused my vampiric companions look at me concernedly. "Like.. At Charlie's right?" I asked hastily.

"No, silly, at our house. All my supplies are there." Alice laughed as she gently removed my legs, clearly ignoring my fearful reaction.

I began to sputter feebly as Alice and Bella began to pull me gently towards the direction of the car "But, what-what if they don't like me?"

Alice tittered softly as Edward rolled his eyes at me, "Don't worry so much!" Alice laughed warmly, "Everyone will love you.. Well.. Most everyone will.." she amended with a grimace.

All of my companions winced simultaneously.

Dread crept back down into my stomach at their reaction as I stopped dead in my tracks, not allowing my self to be lead one step further. "What? What's with the collective wincing going on?" I questioned fearfully, glancing at each of my companions equally uneasy expressions.

Edward laid a large cold hand on my shoulder, "Don't worry about it, Danny." he muttered quietly, a soothing smile on his face, but it didn't quite reach his butterscotch colored eyes.

My anxiousness didn't waver, a whine edging out of my throat.

Alice patted my arm lightly, "Relax, Danny. It'll be okay." she muttered, laying her head on my shoulder.

"Y'all keep saying that, but it's not really helping.." I muttered emphatically, dragging my feet once again, as Bella and Edward once again took the lead in front of us, back in their little world. I had to stop my self from sighing wistfully as I watched them. Seeing them was bitter sweet. I was happy for them, sure, but it was kind of another reminder of what I didn't have, of what I had just recently lost. I kinda flipp-flopped between happy for them and sorry for my self when I looked at those two....

'I used to look at Caleb that way..' I thought to my self sadly, as Bella beamed up at Edward, like he was her entire world. Edward was mirroring her same expression, the epitome of devotion and adoration.. 'But did Caleb ever really look at me that way..? Did he ever really love me the way I loved him? ...Or was it all just a lie?' I asked my self in silent despair. I was torn between sobbing in sorrow or screaming in rage.. Thinking such things caused my jaw to set, in order to prevent it from trembling. I lowered my watery gaze to the cracked pavement below me, anything to change my train of thought...

Damn my tear ducts! No matter what emotion I was feeling, I would start to cry! Too angry, I'd cry, too sad, no doubt I'd cry, too happy, you bet your butt I'd cry! I was the Niagara falls of humans! I didn't need this right now! I already had to deal with meeting Edward and Alice's family, the last thing I needed to deal with was my stupid emotional baggage.. I could just see it now... 'H-hi, mr. and mrs. Cullen. N-nice to me-meet you.. I'm s-sorry, could I have a minute..? SOB! SOB! Excuse me... SOOOOOOOB, gasp, wheeze, sob.'

I was so absorbed in my internal scenario, that I failed to notice the small nickle sized rock in the middle of my path... So of course, I stepped right on top it and there went my balance! I stumbled with a muffled shriek. But mine wasn't the only one, even though Bella's was much quieter, she apparently had gone through the same thing, but with a different rock.

Every one in our small party turned to us slightly, as our faces flushed and I grinned sheepishly.. "It's a Swan thing, I'm tellin' ya.." I muttered quietly. Edward started chucking, even though Bella looked like she really wanted to swat him. But i think that would really hurt if she did, if Alice's diamond like hand was anything to go by.

So we all walked on in a semi-comfortable silence.. Everybody was comfortable but me. I was still slightly panicking about meeting the rest of the Cullen family. More vampires. More heart-breakingly perfect vampires. I didn't know how much more of this my poor fragile ego could stand... I tredged on, dragging my aching feet one step after another...

But then, a beacon of hope caught my eye as we passed by.

Pausing, I tugged on Alice's arm like a little kid, my eyes glittering. She followed my gaze and nodded, with a grin.

Before either Bella or Edward knew what was happening, I swept past them in a red-headed blur, with a single battle cry:

"Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooks!"

Books, books, books, books, books. My first and only true love. The dusty, musky scent that foretold so much age and texture. The air was a sweet perfume that I had missed so deeply. Alice trailed beside me, drinking in my every expression and move, so to speak. I smiled blissfully down at her, glee brightening my mood tenfold.

I could only imagine what I must've looked like, an 18 year old young woman grinning her head off like she's the kid in the proverbial candy store, because she was surrounded by books. But Alice didn't seem to mind my spastic enthusiasm, in fact, she seemed to just be happy to be with me in my literary haven.

I had to remember. Alice doesn't remember what it was like to be human.. So I had to enlighten her. I breathed deeply, inhaling the scent of so many books. Alice quirked her head to the side, her perfect brow puckered slightly in confusion and I grinned knowingly.

A quote from Buffy The Vampire Slayer instantly came to my mind as I muttered it softly to my self and to Alice, as I ran my finger tips gently down the spine of a particularly old tome:

""Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there is. A certain flower or a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences long forgotten. Books smell. Musty and, and, and, and rich. The knowledge gained from a computer, is, it.. It has no texture, no context. It's there and then it's gone. If it's to last, then the getting of knowledge should be tangible, it should be smelly..""

Alice giggled quietly, "You really love books, don't you, Danny?" she asked kindly.

I nodded as I ran my fingers along the spines of the books before me, smiling almost lovingly at my long-lost friends. "They're my safe haven in a world of unknowns and uncertainty..." I muttered dreamily. "Because it's comforting to know that no matter what I've gone through or what I've done, they're always there for me. A simple constant thing.. A safe port in the storm of life" I said distantly, getting a far away look on my face, "I must sound crazy, but I think of them as my friends. Friends I'll never forget. Cause when you hear a story, you never really forget it, sometimes it just takes a little while to remember it. Kinda like people, yanno?" I asked with a crooked, bittersweet smile.

A look of thoughtfulness crept on to Alice's features and it struck me that I might have struck a sensitive cord with her, how she forgot her life as a human. Her family, her friends, her entire life, she had forgotten it all.. and I had just rubbed all of that into her face without really realizing it. I began sputtering "Oh, Alice, I- I didn't mean to- God, I wasn't thinking-" But Alice cut me off:

"No. It's alright." she said with a slight laugh, but it sounded sort of off. She turned to the books before us and mimicked my motion of running her slender fingers down their spines, her topaz eyes not really taking in what she was seeing and she was quiet for a moment.

For the love of Pete, I think I broke Alice!

Guilt cascaded down over me like a cold torrent of rain, I opened my mouth to apologize again as I reached out to touch her lightly on the shoulder, but once again, the tiny vampire beat me to the chase:

"You're right though."

I blinked. Right about what? The smelly knowledge thing? The books? The fact that I had just nearly recited a line I had heard from the film Spirited Away without even realizing it? I let out a baffled "Eh?"

"How you never really forget something.." Alice murmured, glancing back at me, an odd steady flame in her eyes, "I think.. If I tried hard enough, I think I could start to piece together my past." she said quietly, as if confirming it for her self rather than me, a small smile barely gracing her dark lips.

I smiled at her and placed my hand on her solid cold shoulder, a wry grin on my face, "Hey, you could start out by smelling random stuff, see if it brings up any experiences long forgotten.." I joked.

Alice stared at me a moment more, then let out a tinkle of bell-like laughter. "I think I might just actually try that, Danny Swan." she giggled and placed her hand on mine, which was still on her shoulder and squeezed it gently. "Thanks, Danny." she murmured warmly.

I grinned toothily, "That's what I'm here for. Comedic relief and back-up klutz", I chirped, "Though technically, that could be pegged under the same thing..." I continued with a mock thoughtful expression, a finger placed on my chin as I slowly started walking backwards.

Alice laughed, until I, in true Swan fashion, failed to notice that someone was behind me and walked right into said unsuspecting bystander.

In my surprise, I gasped and whirled on my heel to apologize, only to be met face-to-face by two deep dark rich brown eyes..

To be continued....

I'm evil, I know, leaving you hanging for half a year, then giving you a cliffe. *cackles* But i couldn't help it! It was too good to resist. (Plus i'm running on less than 2 hours sleep and i gotta get my kicks in while i'm conscious/coherent enough to get them.) ^_^ stay tuned! (if that makes sense...)