Yeah this chapter is basically just further Remus-worship, that pretty much sums things up, enjoy.
Chapter 11: What Should Have Been
Remus watched Harry sleep for a while; the calm, silent child in the bed a stark contrast to the boy who had been crying himself to exhaustion in his arms just moments ago. It had been awful, he knew it was going to be, but having to watch Harry's emotional turmoil as he was subjected to further pain and humiliation was almost unbearable. He hated himself a little for having made him go through it, but he knew it had to happen, that it was in his best interests.
He reached down and stroked a strand of hair away from Harry's still tear stained face. Seeing Harry so small and vulnerable like this broke his heart. No boy of thirteen should have had to go through what he had, to have to live with the memories, the scars, the constant reminders. Remus found himself shedding silent tears for what could have been, if only James and Lily had lived, or if he had gone to check up on Harry - this could so easily have been prevented, and he hated himself for that.
Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned to see Madam Pomfrey standing over him, a sympathetic smile adorning her face.
"I'm sorry Remus, I didn't mean to startle you." She said.
"No, don't worry, you didn't, I suppose I'm just a little on edge today." he replied, quietly so as not to wake Harry. He looked back down to the boy and stroke his hair gently again. "He will be ok, won't he?"
"Physically speaking, he will be absolutely fine, but... he will need a lot of help."
Remus nodded, his fingers moving lightly over Harry's scar, causing the boy to shudder slightly in his sleep, and Remus to move his hand away.
"Remus, you really do need to inform Dumbledore." Madam Pomfrey interjected.
Remus sighed. "I know... and I will, I just..."
There was a pause, Remus was reluctant to go against Harry's wish for secrecy, but he knew that at some point he would have to inform Dumbledore of the situation. Harry couldn't go back to that house ever again, and Dumbledore was the only person who could ensure that.
"...I need to talk to Harry first."
"Of course." Madam Pomfrey handed Remus two small glass vials, one containing a light grey potion, the other a dark red one. "When he wakes up, could you ask him to take these. They're for the malnutrition and sleep depravation, his body needs to be stabilised. To be honest I'm surprised he hasn't suffered major exhaustion, the poor thing." Madam looked down at the sleeping Harry with an earnest, caring look. "He'll need to pick up his prescription from me twice a week, but other than that he won't need anymore medical attention. Though..." She paused.
"Go on." Remus erred her to continue.
"He may benefit from talking to a professional. Someone who can help him work through what's happened. I don't doubt that you're doing your best, but he could benefit from speaking to someone with some experience in these matters."
Remus found himself a little annoyed at this assertion. Though he respected her and trusted her to the ends of the earth, he resented her implication that he couldn't help Harry... though a small part of him knew that she was probably right.
"I'll talk to him about it. But not today. He needs to rest." Remus went back to stroking his hair, almost protectively.
Madam Pomfrey said nothing, but gave his shoulder a small comforting squeeze before she left. Remus stayed for a long time while Harry slept peacefully. Eventually he felt sleep creeping up on him as well, his eyelids beginning to droop and his head falling to rest on the back of the chair. His eyes had been closed only a few seconds when he was startled back to reality by a small whimpering sound.
Snapping his eyes open he looked down toward Harry who was still fast asleep, but his eyelids fluttered and he was frowning slightly. Remus continued to watch him, strangely transfixed. After a while he began to wonder if he had just imagined the sound, but eventually Harry shifted slightly and whimpered again before curling further in on himself.
"no... no..." he muttered quietly.
"Harry." Remus said softly, trying not to startle him awake.
"...please..." Harry whined helplessly.
"Harry." Remus repeated a little more forcefully - though he was wary of shocking Harry awake, he knew from personal experience how it felt to be shocked out of a nightmare and it was not pleasant.
Harry was now flailing slightly, his legs moving as though he were kicking feebly at some invisible assailant. He rocked from side to side and was steadily pleading. "Please, please... no...NO!"
Remus stood up and put his arms on Harry's shoulders, an attempt to stop him from hurting himself. However this just made Harry kick harder and shout. "HARRY!" Remus shouted finally.
Harry's eyes snapped open and on seeing Remus he recoiled, backing away from him, a look of terror scrawled across his face.
"It's ok, Harry, it's me. It's ok." Remus spoke softly, holding his hands up. "It was just a bad dream."
Harry eyed him suspiciously, still gasping for breath after the shock of waking so suddenly, gradually his features softened, but then crumpled as he began to cry, his head hanging down and his shoulders shaking a little.
Remus slowly moved forward and carefully put his arms around him, resting his head on his shoulder once more and rocking him back and forth slowly. "It's alright, shhh, you're safe now."
Harry cried quietly for a short while before his breathing returned to normal and he shakily pulled away from his professor. Remus looked at him worriedly and swiped a strand of hair away form his face.
"How are you feeling?" He asked warmly.
"Um... Ok, I suppose." Harry answered quietly, his hands picking at the blanket that was covering him, eyes averted.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Remus rubbed Harry's shoulder a little.
Harry shook his head and bit his lip, Remus could see tears beginning to form in his eyes again, and so pulled him back into his arms, cradling him as he buried his head in the crook of his neck and cried softly a little longer.
"I'm so sorry." Harry stammered as he cried.
"Shh, don't be sorry, it's ok." Remus stroked his hair as he continued to hold him.
"It's not ever going to go away, ever... I don't know what I'm going to do." Harry wailed as his crying worsened a little. "I can't do this anymore."
Remus held Harry by the shoulders and moved back out of the embrace.
"Look at me Harry." He implored, but Harry's face remained cast down. Remus gently tilted his chin up with one hand, their eyes met and Remus's heart broke yet again for the loneliness and sorrow he saw there. "You're not alone anymore. I know this hurts Harry, I know it does, but it will get easier with time, I promise. It may take a long while yet, but I will be there to help you, every step of the way." He brought his hand up to wipe tears away from Harry's face before cupping his cheek. "You don't need to be frightened, I will protect you in every way that I can, I will help you to heal, help you to overcome this. Whenever you need to talk, or if you just need someone to be with, I will always be there. I promise you this."
Harry nodded slightly, a final tear trickling down his face. Remus reached inward and kissed him on the forehead before cradling him in his arms once more. Remus rested his head atop of Harry's and sighed sadly, feeling Harry's arms snaking around his waist and holding on to him tightly.
"Thank you." he whispered shakily.
They stayed that way for a while before Harry pulled back, wiping his face.
"Do you want to get some more rest?" Remus asked rubbing his back.
Harry shook his head again. "No, I can never sleep after the dreams."
Remus's heart sank, that would explain the sleep depravation, he reasoned.
"Why don't you get dressed then, and I'll walk you back to the common room."
"Ok." He responded, Remus passed him the clothes he'd come in and then went around the curtain.
"Remus?" Harry asked from the other side of the partition.
"Yes?"
"What time is it?"
"Half past three." He responded, rather dumfounded himself at how quickly the hours had passed.
Just then Harry drew the curtains back, he was fully dressed in his scruffy jeans and baggy jumper, he certainly didn't take as much care over his appearance as James had, Remus thought fondly, and smiled to himself to think that perhaps it was a little of his own influence. An implausible a thought as it was, it still gave him a warm feeling.
Remus helped Harry to make the bed and then gave him the two potions Madam Pomfrey had brought for him. Harry took both and then they left, walking leisurely in the direction of the Gryffindor tower. Neither said anything for a while, until Remus spoke up.
"Harry, I wonder if you could perhaps come to my office, just for a few minutes. I know you're probably sick of the sight of me by now, but there's just one thing I think we should discuss."
"Ok." Harry responded indifferently.
Soon they arrived back at Remus's office, after offering Harry a seat and a cup of tea they both sat at the table they had sat at just yesterday when Remus had revealed his Lycanthropy to Harry.
"I know it's been a really tough day for you Harry and you probably would rather discuss this at another time, but I think it's perhaps best if we talk about this sooner rather than later."
Harry nodded glumly and Remus wondered whether or not he knew what he was about to ask.
"We need to ensure that you never go back to that house, but, in order to do that there needs to be a case against your Uncle." Remus spoke softly, aware of how his words could wound.
Harry shuddered slightly, but nodded.
"The only course of action that I can suggest would be to inform Dumbledore of the situation."
"But..." Harry began, but then stopped himself.
"Go on."
"I just. I don't... I can't tell him. I don't want him to know everything that happened, I never wanted anyone to know and now... it just feels like everyone will know." Harry had his arms wrapped around himself.
"Harry, I know that I'm asking a lot, and the last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable, or that you're out of control. But it's important that he is prosecuted, otherwise I don't see any way of you not having to go back. I really am sorry, but, this too must happen."
Harry looked out of the window again, frowning slightly, and Remus was worried that he was angry with him. "I know. I mean, part of me really wants to see him pay and I don't want to go back, but, I just, I kind of still feel like this is... my fault. And if people find out about what happened then they'll think that I'm disgusting and I deserved it."
Remus sighed, concern mounting "Nobody would ever think that. None of this is your fault, you did nothing to deserve this Harry, nothing. Nobody would think any less of you for this."
Harry shuddered again slightly.
"If... if we inform Dumbledore, then the only other people who would ever know anything would be a high security court of about 10 people at most, people you would never have to meet. It could be sorted within a couple of weeks. I'm not trying to tell you it would be easy, but it really wouldn't be as bad as you think." Remus attempted to reassure him.
"I know, I know... and I... I'm ok with telling Dumbledore really, I suppose. It's just... God, it's so stupid." Harry put his head in his hands.
Remus reached over the small table and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Tell me."
"They're the only family I have left now, and I know it's not much of a family, and I know they hate me, but if I do this, then... then there's literally no one..." Harry tried to blink back more tears and Remus felt guilt stab at his stomach. For putting Harry through all of this in one day. He reached out and held both of the boy's hand's in his own, feeling Harry grasping back, like his was a lifeline.
"Harry. When you were a baby, after..." Remus felt a lump form in his throat, thinking about the night that he lost everything "...after your parents died; I fought so hard for custody over you. I used to look after you a lot, when your Mum and Dad were out, or working. All in all I had been a far greater influence in your life than the Dursleys ever had, and I knew that you should have been brought up in the wizarding community. But, because of the blood wards the protect your Aunt's house and, of course, my condition, Dumbledore had no choice but to send you to your Aunt's. After that I fell apart. I literally had nothing else to live for. I knew that Dumbledore did what he had to do, did what he truly believed would be best for you, but I resented him none-the-less." Remus felt a couple of stray tears slide down his face, he tried to avoid thinking about that period of his life as far as possible.
"As far as I was concerned, we were family, and we still are. James was a brother to me, and I will still fight for you Harry. You may not have blood relatives, but you have me, and I love you more than they could ever begin to fathom." Remus stopped himself, worried perhaps that he had gone a little overboard. But Harry lifted his head and met his gaze.
"Really?" He asked disbelievingly.
"Of course Harry." Remus moved his hand up and wiped tears away from Harry's face.
Harry smiled, and it was the first time in the past three days that Remus felt anything close to happiness.
"Ok." Harry said after a while. "Dumbledore should know... but... could you speak to him first. I, I really don't know what I would say."
"Of course I can, if that's what you really want." Remus replied softly.
Harry nodded. "Ok." Remus replied and squeezed his hand. "I really am so proud of you, and I know your Mum and Dad would be too."
Harry gave him a tearful smile and nodded. They stayed there for another hour or so, talking things over. Eventually Harry's stomach rumbled loudly and Remus laughed a little, telling him to go down to the great hall for dinner. Harry complied, but not before thanking Remus again. After he left Remus completely broke down. He was caught off guard by how much all of this had affected him, and how well he had managed to compose himself throughout the day. He cried for a long time, for Harry, for James and Lily, for himself for all those years he had spent destitute and alone, wishing that things could have been different... he even shed tears for Sirius. But he resolved now to make things right, to ensure what should have been done years ago was put into place. He was going to make sure Harry would never suffer again, and with that he marched straight out of his office to see Dumbledore.