Note: Your responses are amazing. I can't thank you guys enough. Once again, a little mature, but I'm sure you guys can handle it.
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Colorblind
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The small sliver of yellow sunlight that escaped past her blinds hit Massie in the eye perfectly, washing the backs of her eyelids into a rosy glow that could only be associated with morning. She felt a certain bliss that she's never really felt before, and Massie doesn't know what to make of it. It was warm and gentle and soft, and it was so brand new that it almost made her uncomfortable. Yet it was the perfect kind of uncomfortable that just made her want to feel it longer; to get used to it because this was exactly what she wanted to get used to. Her heart was thumping softly in her chest, and her eyelids fluttered open gently, slowly adjusting to the brightness of the room.
Massie stretched her legs out under her and her arms out above her, sighing contentedly as her body tensed and then relaxed. She tried to turn her body, but a heavy arm was wrapped tightly around her waist. It was warm and strong and male, and it made the corner's of Massie's lips curve up faintly. A strong pulling tugged at her heart, and she automatically knew it was a good day. It was going to be a good day.
Her head was exceptionally clear this morning. Today was the perfect day for spending endless hours in bed, being lazy, being human. It was a break from all the drama that surrounded her life, and it was just what Massie needed. She needed a day just to relax and let loose because her head was going to explode if one more bad thing happened. Today was going to be the day she wouldn't have to look at the clock to see what time it was or check her phone to see if any of her friends had plans. Today was going to be about Massie because quite frankly, she has never had a day like that before.
Massie snuggled deeper into the body that was spooning her, and the answering groan was pure satisfaction. The arm around her pulled her even closer, and a searching nose buried itself in her hair. The warmth of a soft exhaled breath tickled her ear, and Massie closed her eyes once again.
At that moment, she decided would stay like this forever.
::
The body next to her jolted awake, and the arm holding her was immediately pulled away. Suddenly, everything was cold, and Massie's stomach dropped as she was jostled into consciousness.
"Fuck. Oh fuck!"
Massie turned around groggily. The space next to her on the bed was empty. She sat up and rubbed her eyes.
"You're kidding me, right?"
Was that Derrick's voice? Why was he angry again?
"Hmm?" Massie ran a hand through her tangled hair. Her brain was still foggy and she couldn't really understand the heaviness of Derrick's question.
There was slamming. There was a lot of slamming.
"Can you keep it down?" Massie growled angrily. "What are you doing in my room, Derrick?"
"Shit. You don't remember? Search that small brain of yours, Block."
On cue, all the memories from last night crashed down on Massie. All the kissing, and touching, and wanting all came back in one instant, and Massie instantly regretted the decision of letting herself remember. The drinking, and the dancing, and the bliss that came afterward, it all felt unwanted now. Gone was the good day because every day with Derrick just couldn't end up good.
She opened her eyes wider and was assaulted with the burning image of a naked Derrick pacing through her room, frantically gathering his clothes that were strewn all over the hardwood floor.
"OH GOD!" Massie slapped a hand to her eyes. "You're naked! Oh my god!"
"So are you!"
An embarrassing flush crept up Massie's cheeks as she yanked the blanket over her revealed body. Her mind was reeling. "What happened?"
Derrick grabbed his boxers and yanked them on roughly. "We happened. We happened. I can't believe I let myself lose control like that... I can't believe I let myself give in..."
"What are you talking about?" Her headache was almost unbearable. It felt like someone was hammering nails into her skull. Her throat was dry and her mouth tasted like sandpaper. "Derrick! What the hell happened?"
Derrick froze. His eyes widened as he looked at Massie with a disbelief that she had never seen before. It almost made her want to cry. "Derrick," she whispered tentatively. "Tell me what happened."
He opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. He was a statue. Massie inhaled a deep breath of bitter air. "Where are my clothes?" She asked with a hint of annoyance. "Derrick! Answer me!"
Derrick blinked once and snapped out of his trance. He whirled around and searched the floor quickly before throwing a pair of lacy undergarments at Massie. "Put these on. Now."
Massie pulled on her clothes, not even bothering to hide anything. She then got out of bed, walked to her closet, and put on a t-shirt and shorts. When she emerged from her closet, Derrick was sitting on her bed, fully clothed, breathing heavily.
"I-
Derrick looked up. "Don't say anything," he growled.
Massie stood in the door of her closet and watched him closely. Derrick ran a hand through his dark hair and rested his face in his hands. She couldn't take it anymore. She didn't remember a thing that happened and it was haunting her terrible, sending waves of dread all throughout her body. Unable to control herself, Massie walked over to her bed and sat down next to Derrick. He flinched, but didn't move. His face remained in his hands and his breathing remained staggered.
"What we did..." Massie choked on her own words. She cleared her throat. "What we did last night couldn't have been that bad."
Derrick looked up at her slowly. "You don't remember a thing?" It was more of a statement than a question.
"I was so drunk and everything was so blurry-
"Nothing? Not one thing?"
Massie blushed and wrung her hands in her lap. "I remember being happy."
Derrick let out a frustrated scream that sent Massie stumbling away from him. He leaped up from the bed, walked over to a wall, and punched it so hard the picture frame fell.
"Why are you so angry?" Massie yelled.
Derrick turned to her, eyes blazing, knuckles bleeding. "You don't remember-
"Should I?"
"You honestly don't-
"No! I don't remember a thing-
"We had sex!"
Massie opened her mouth to speak, but as the words rang through her ears, she couldn't force any sound to come out of her mouth. Her palms grew slick and her hands grew shaky as the heaviness of the situation fell upon her.
Derrick sighed. "We were both drunk."
Massie choked and a squeak forced itself from her throat. "Y-y-you're penis was inside of me?"
"Don't say that like it grosses you out."
"It does."
"It didn't seem so gross when it was giving you pleasure, did it? It didn't seem so gross when you were screaming out my name like I was the last man on this Earth, did it?" Derrick's voice was rough and wild, like his eyes. He looked crazed as he stood there, his whole frame shaking with each of his shuddering breaths.
Massie covered her ears and shuddered. She didn't want to hear the bullshit coming out of his mouth. "Shut up shut up shut up!"
"You wanted me last night." Derrick smirked. Massie hated giving him the satisfaction of being right, but what could she do when he was.
She closed her eyes and slowly opened them. "You wanted me too."
Derrick didn't respond. That's when she knew that he wanted her too. It almost lightened the atmosphere in the room. Almost.
Neither of them spoke. They let the heaviness of the situation settle on their shoulder for a while so that it can get comfortable before one of them cracks. A million thoughts were whirring through Massie's mind. The risks of having sex worried her to the point where she felt dirty.
"Did you pull out?" She blurted.
Derrick looked at her in pure confusion.
Massie rolled her eyes. "Did you pull-
Derrick thought for a moment. He walked away from the dent he made in the wall and stood in front of Massie, close enough that she could see his eyes clearly, but far away enough so that they couldn't touch each other. "We used a condom."
That wasn't enough. "Are you sure-
"Massie, I don't think I even came last night so you can put those worries about pregnancy and STD's away!"
A strange feeling of hurt crept into Massie's heart. "Was it that bad?"
Derrick sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know. I don't know, okay?"
Massie tried to release the deep breath she had been building inside her lungs, but then her breath hitched and she felt like sobbing. "Oh my god, we had sex-
Derrick groaned in frustration. "Yes, Massie! We had sex! It's not like..." Derrick stopped speaking abruptly.
When he didn't finish his sentence, Massie furrowed her eyebrows. "What?"
Derrick started shaking his head furiously. "Oh no, oh no, oh no."
"Derrick, what the hell is going on? What were you going to say?" Massie gripped her bedsheets impatiently.
He swallowed loudly. "...It's not like you've never had sex before... Massie, you've had sex before right?"
"What? No, of course I haven't!" The gears in Massie's head suddenly clicked. "Oh fuck."
"So you're telling me you were a virgin." Derrick's words were monotonous; there was no emotion in his voice what-so-ever.
"Oh my god!" Massie suddenly became furious. Her face felt hot and her blood began to boil. "You took my virginity. Fuck, Derrick! My first time was supposed to be special and it ended up being some drunk, sloppy one night stand with-with-with you!"
Derrick backed away slowly. "It's not like I wanted to, Block. It's not like I wanted what happened last night to happen!"
Massie stood up shakily. "I was so happy. How could I have been so happy?"
"I don't know!" Derrick roared. "I haven't had sex in a few days so I probably would have hit any girl last night, and it just so happened to be you. Trust me when I say this is the first time I've ever regretted using my dick."
"Are you comparing me to the sluts you bring into this house? Because I am not like that! I can't believe you-
Derrick opened the bedroom door. "I'm done with this conversation."
"You took something special away from me, Derrick. You took it away from me." Massie's voice grew softer as sadness washed over her, replacing her anger quickly. Tears pricked the backs of her eyes, and she blinked rapidly to hold them back.
His dark eyes watched her warily. "And what do you want me to do? Give it back?" "It's too late to turn back."
"If I had a time machine, I would go back and take away the whole night." Derrick's voice didn't give away any hint of emotion as he openly admitted ever touching Massie, ever looking at her the way he did last night.
Massie gasped. "The whole-
"Yes, the whole fucking night, starting from the bar until... until now."
"You regretted the whole thing?" Massie didn't like the things her heart was doing right now. It was fighting with her brain; one side telling her that he's just lying, the other side telling her that he actually hates her.
Derrick nodded. "It was a spontaneous thing and hopefully it won't ever happen again."
"So the dancing, it didn't mean anything? When you saved me from that dick Landon, you weren't thinking about anything? What are you?" Massie spat the words out venomously. So this is what it felt like to be heartbroken.
"Massie, I don't want to remember-
"This is what you always do! When we talked like two normal people, you wanted to forget it. And now... this... you want to forget this too! Why do you constantly want to erase me from your life?"
Derrick took one giant step towards Massie, and he towered a few inches over her. She could smell him. He smelled like sleep, and faint mint, and she wanted anything but for it to go away. But she couldn't have it. Not anymore. The moment has already passed, and brief as it was, she knew she wouldn't ever forget it.
"When I'm around you, I lose control." His words were surprisingly gentle as they floated softly into her ears. "But I don't want that. That's the furthest thing from what I want. I'm sorry I took your precious virginity. I promise it will be the only thing I take from you."
"You've already taken so much more than my damn virginity! You took the better half of my childhood years! I was miserable because of you!"
Derrick stood there, taking in the verbal abuse as if it were nothing. The way he reacted so nonchalantly only pissed Massie off more.
The hot tears started rolling down Massie's cheeks, blurring her vision, blurring the dark world around her. Her head was pounding and her grip on the world was loosening. "Get out. Get out."
The answering slam of a closing door was almost reassuring.
Finally alone, Massie freed the tears that had been building within her since day one. She could be strong in front of her friends, but when she was alone, she could finally break down all those walls and just be.
And when all the tears finally drained from Massie's eyes and her heart felt empty, she ran to the bathroom to empty her stomach.
::
"I slept with Derrick."
The collective gasp of her four girlfriends was deafening.
"Massie!"
"You did nawt."
"Oh my god..."
"You what?"
Alicia raised up her hand. "Everyone shut up. Massie, what happened? Are you okay? Are you hurt?"
Massie shook her head. "I'm fine."
Claire scooted her lawn chair closer to Massie. "Were you okay with it? Because if it wasn't consensual, I'm going to get Cam to beat his ass."
"I wasn't raped, Claire." Massie rolled her eyes at her blonde friend and took a sip of her cool ice tea.
After spending the morning in her room sobbing and virtually throwing up any food in her stomach, Massie decided the best way to tell her friends the news was to go to the beach, tan and get everyone relaxed before she ruined all of their moods. She was feeling better than she was a few hours ago, but the faint traces of a hangover still hung around her head.
"Wait. Massie. Let me get this straight," Dylan leaned towards Massie and lifted her sunglasses up to her forehead. "Derrick put his penis inside of your vagina? And you were okay with that?"
"After Kristen called us a cab last night, we were both so drunk we just sort of...happened." Massie tried to keep it as vague as possible. "Oh, and Kris."
"Hmm?" Kristen responded.
"What did you mean by 'I'm happy for you'?" Massie asked.
Kristen sighed. "Well, at the moment I finally thought you and Derrick worked things out. I guess not."
Massie leaned back onto her towel. "That's exactly how I feel. I can't believe Derrick was my first-
"Derrick was your first?" Alicia screeched. "Oh no! That can't be! A girl's first time should be romantic and special... not some drunk hook up with possibly the only person you've ever hated. Oh Massie!"
Massie cringed. "Keep it down, Leesh. I don't want the guys to here this." She tilted her head to Cam, Josh, Chris, and Kemp, who were surfing in the ocean. Derrick was no where to be seen.
"Good," Dylan piped in. "We want Derrick to get his ass whooped."
"Guys," Massie sighed. "You know that's not what I want."
"It's what you need," Claire murmured.
Suddenly, Cam was standing right next to Massie's lawn chair, his tall shadow blocking the sun from Massie's skin. "Hey! Where'd the sun go?" Massie took off her sun glasses and looked directly into the piercing blue-green eyes of Cam. "Hey, Cam."
His wet hair was dripping down onto her, and the cold ocean water send goosebumps dotting her arms. "What are you ladies up to?"
"None of your business," Alicia snapped.
"You guys look tense," Cam noticed.
"That's because Massie slept with Derrick and he took her v-card!" Claire blurted, and immediately covered her mouth.
Massie gasped and whipped around to turn to Claire. "Claire! What the hell?"
Claire looked like she was about to cry. "I-I'm sorry Massie... I just wanted to protect you."
"By telling Cam? You're just making things worse. I'm leaving." Massie stood up and gathered her towel into a ball, shoving it into her beach bag.
Cam reached out and grabbed Massie's shoulder. "Mass, wait." The contact of their skin was electrifying, but Massie didn't need that right now. She didn't want that right now.
"What?" She turned around slowly.
"If you want," Cam smiled. "I can tell the other boys and we can give Harrington a piece of our minds."
Massie smiled back, but it wasn't genuine. "I would prefer if you didn't do that." She turned to the girls. "Bye ladies, I'll see you later."
::
Massie had just settled on the couch with a magazine when the door flung open and Derrick stormed inside.
"Would you like to kindly explain why the fuck all my friends tried to beat me up today?"
Massie's stomach dropped as she placed her magazine down. "W-what?"
"They said something about me "taking advantage" of you? What the hell did you do, Block?" Derrick closed the door with equal force and paced around the couches.
"Oh god Claire."
Derrick stopped pacing and turned to look at her. "What?"
Massie sighed. "Claire told Cam we hooked up."
"Who told Claire?" It was a threat.
Massie swallowed loudly. "I did." She prepared herself for an outburst, but nothing came. All that followed her confession was silence. "Derrick?"
She stood up and walked over to him. It was a bad idea, but her legs seemed to have a mind of their own. When Massie was just an inch in front of him, she tried to meet his eyes, but he kept avoiding her gaze.
"Derrick?"
"Don't Derrick me," he snarled.
Massie gasped. There were purpling bruises all along Derrick's jawline and his right eye appeared to by swelling. "What did they do to you?"
Derrick pulled his face back. "It's nothing."
"They did that to you because of me?" Massie felt an immense guilt settle in the pit of her stomach. Why did it always seems that Derrick was taking the beatings for her faults? She reached up and gentle touched a bruise near the left corner of Derrick's lip. He winced. "Who did this?"
Derrick didn't respond, but he didn't pull away from her touch either. Massie wanted to cry all over again. "Tell me, Derrick! Who did this to you?"
"You're precious Cam, alright? You're fucking innocent Cam did this to me!" Derrick glared at Massie before pulling his face away from her hand and backing away a few steps.
Massie shook her head. "No. Cam would never do that."
"You don't know him at all," Derrick chuckled. "He gets very jealous."
"That's not Cam. He's not like that." Massie was denying it more for her reassurance than Derrick's. Her brain just couldn't wrap itself around the fact that Cam beat Derrick up over her.
Derrick turned. "You are so blind, Massie." He walked into the kitchen, fuming.
Massie followed him stupidly, and found his crouched over the sink, gripping the edge so tightly his knuckles turned white. She silently walked up behind him.
"I'm sorry, Derrick."
Nothing.
"I don't want you to get hurt because of me. I don't want you to lost a friend because of me."
"That doesn't mean anything. What happened has already happened." Derrick turned around quickly, and his swinging arm caught Massie in the nose. There was a muted crack, but it wasn't enough to break anything. The impact was fast, and it sent Massie stumbling backwards against the counter. She held onto her nose as her eyes reflexively teared up. There was a resonating pain that started from the bridge of her nose.
The emotions that flitted across Derrick's face almost made him look pained. First there was anger, then shock, then guilt, and finally nothing. His eyes became totally devoid of emotions as he stared at the hand that covered Massie's nose.
"I'm fine." But when she opened her mouth to speak, Massie felt the coppery stream of blood flow into her mouth. She swallowed back a gag. "I just need a towel."
"Move your hand, Massie."
Massie closed her eyes and slowly lifted her bloodied hand from her face. Her palm was smeared with blood, and she could feel the blood dripping off her chin. Although her face hurt like hell, she could still breathe so she knew nothing was seriously damaged.
His eyes widened and he slowly looked as if he was disgusted with himself.
"I'm sorry you have to see this." She quickly covered her nose again.
"Why are you always apologizing?"
"I-I-
Derrick couldn't stop staring at her face. "Doesn't it hurt?"
Massie frowned. "A little but-
"I did that to you."
"It was an accident-
"How can you still be talking to me right now?"
Massie sighed. "I'm fine-
"I have to get out of here." He looked around frantically before walking a giant curve around Massie and heading out the kitchen.
Massie stood there, and when she heard the front door click shut, she wondered if Derrick would ever touch her again.