Chapter Eleven
Sebastian is sure that he should feel some pang of remorse for not wanting to go out and celebrate his freedom by wandering through the city and feeling at one with the hoards of people buzzing around on a Saturday afternoon, but he's starting to realize that he actually just never wants to leave their apartment again.
He does manage to walk down to the Chinese food place on the corner with Kurt to pick up their dinner. They eat out of the cartons and leave them lying empty on the coffee table when they're finished because they realize that it's been over an hour since the last time they were naked together and rush to fix that.
They watch a movie curled up together on the bed with popcorn and candy and Kurt laughs while he bitches about going to the bathroom and coming back to find M&M's all over the bed as a result of a mini-war between Blaine and Sebastian, but then they both throw one at Kurt's head and he laughs again as he rolls his eyes and climbs back into bed.
They make love again and fall asleep.
Sunday, unsurprisingly, goes about the same. Only with less clothes and frozen pizza thrown in the oven for dinner.
By the time night rolls around, they're completely back into step with each other. It's like the past few months have been a bad dream, like they haven't missed a beat. Kurt cleans up the living room while Blaine and Sebastian clean up the dishes from dinner, and it's almost easy to push aside the fact that Sebastian has to go back to the hospital tomorrow when everything seems so normal now. It's easy to overlook the fact that Blaine has to work in the morning tomorrow, Kurt has to go in around 1:00, and Sebastian has to be back at the hospital by 9:00.
When they go to bed this time, there's no urgency, just the overwhelming need to be as close as possible for as long as possible. There's no making up for lost time, only reverent touches that promise that it won't be so long before the next time. It's an I missed you and an I need you and an I love you that runs deeper than words could ever reach, and when they settle, boneless and sated, onto the bed, there are tears in Blaine's eyes and he rests his hand over Sebastian's heart as though the rhythm its beating is the only thing keeping him alive.
Kurt shifts closer and presses flush against his side, breathing out a sigh of pure relief as he rests his head on Sebastian's shoulder. He stays awake until he can hear Sebastian and Blaine's tandem breaths even out into sleep and falls asleep to the steady rise and fall of Sebastian's chest.
-x-
Blaine is gone by the time the alarm blares for Kurt and Sebastian to get up. They take too long showering together and have to throw all of Sebastian's clothes haphazardly into his duffel bag before rushing to the car to make their meeting with Dr. Harris to give a complete report on Sebastian's "mental state" over the weekend he spent outside of the hospital.
Kurt had apparently logged all of his switches into a notebook along with anything noteworthy that happened while the alter was out. Sebastian's not sure whether or not he should be pissed off that Kurt had been keeping a record of his actions as though he's a science project so he settles for just shooting Kurt a dirty look and rolling his eyes.
He's really not that upset. He still got to spend the entire weekend with his boyfriends, so he's pretty sure he came out ahead in the end.
The doctor nods along and occasionally jots things down on his notepad. Eventually, he sets the paper down on his lap and gives Sebastian a small smile. "How did you feel, Sebastian?"
"Honestly?"
The doctor hums out an affirmation, still smiling.
"Being able to be with Kurt and Blaine again, being able to live again, was amazing. It was like, even though I switched and had a nightmare, I felt like I was getting better there," he admits freely.
And it's true. Being in the hospital was necessary. There was a time when he was a danger to himself, he's willing to admit that. Things were dark for months: depression, panic attacks, rapid switching, and almost bi-monthly trips to the emergency room via ambulance. He couldn't have been home. If he'd tried to be on his own, he'd have been dead a long time ago.
So, the hospital, while bleak and monotonous, was a necessary evil then. But things are different now. He can feel it.
"For the first time in months," he continues, "I actually felt like a human being again. I got up, went out and did things, visited people. I cooked dinner and watched movies with my boyfriends. It reminded me what normal is. And I want normal again. I can do normal again."
The understanding smile remains on the doctor's face and he taps the end of his pen against the notepad. "I believe you can too, Sebastian. Which is why I'd like to work on discharging you on Friday."
All the air leaves both Kurt and Sebastian in a rush and the doctor laughs at the "Really?!" the two gasp out in unison.
He nods. "I've been reviewing your file and I'm confident that you are no longer a danger to yourself or others, that you know what your triggers are and how to avoid them, and you're going to be living with very supportive boyfriends who know what to do in case of an emergency. I see no reason to keep you here when you'd clearly benefit more from outpatient care as opposed to inpatient."
Tears are threatening to fall from Sebastian's eyes and he looks over to see that Kurt is in the same state. He reaches for Kurt's hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze before speaking. He has so many questions, but the only thing he manages to ask is, "Friday?"
"Yes," the doctor says, sobering a little as his air of professional calm returns. "I'd still like you to keep the appointments we have for this week. Tomorrow is your first hypnotherapy session and then I'd like to see you for full sessions on Wednesday and Thursday."
Sebastian looks down, shifting in discomfort. He feels Kurt squeeze his hand in reassurance this time. "Right," he mumbles, looking down at his feet. "I think I tried to forget about that."
"Sebastian, you have nothing to be afraid of," Dr. Harris offers. "Hypnosis has proven time and time again to be beneficial to stimulating memory recovery and merging of alters."
Yeah...that's not what he's worried about. Sebastian looks up to meet the doctor's gaze and shifts again. Luckily, Kurt can read the tension and discomfort radiating from his boyfriend and can guess the source.
"Dr. Harris, I think that Sebastian is just concerned about the nature of the memories that will surface when he's under hypnosis and the reaction he might have."
Sebastian almost smiles, because he's struck again by the knowledge that no one will ever know him better than Kurt Hummel. Somehow, Kurt can read his thoughts based solely on body posture and speculation. Because Kurt's "concerned about the reaction he might have..." is just polite Kurt-speak for: Sebastian is afraid he's going to flip the fuck out on the couch and end up stuck in the hospital for another six months.
The doctor must get the subtext behind the words because he nods again. "Well, the hypnosis will be performed in a controlled setting in case something should go wrong, but it's hardly wise to speculate about what reaction Sebastian might have to the procedure. I can assure you both, however, that it is entirely safe and that, good or bad, any memories that Sebastian may recover while under hypnosis will ultimately serve to speed his recovery process."
Kurt takes a deep breath and turns his head toward Sebastian, eyes searching for something on Sebastian's face. He turns to face Kurt and meets his eyes, concerned and impossibly blue in the brightness of the room, and even though Sebastian is having serious doubts about tomorrow, he gives Kurt a small smile. He knows that Kurt isn't fooled but he smiles back anyway and flips their hands to lace their fingers together.
"Well," Dr. Harris says in a conclusive tone. "I think that's all for today. I'll let you go back to your room and get settled back in." He taps the end of the pen on the notepad again and stands up in a prompt for Sebastian to do the same.
When the door shuts, Kurt rests a hand on Sebastian's shoulder and when Sebastian turns toward him, he's staggered by the determination burning in his blue eyes. "You listen to me, Sebastian Smythe," he states, pointing his finger in Sebastian's face. "You are going to do this, and at the end of this week you are going to come home to Blaine and I if I have to break in here and drag you out myself. Do you understand?"
Sebastian barks out a laugh at Kurt's false authority and nods. "Yes, sir."
Kurt drops the mask and his expression melts into something more familiar and loved. "You can do this, Seb. I know you can." He leans in and wraps Sebastian in a hug. "I just want you home where you belong."
"I want to come home, too," Sebastian says into the side of Kurt's neck, turning his head and pressing a kiss there before stepping out of the hug. "I don't want to do the hypnosis thing-it seems stupid to me. And honestly, I'm kind of scared..."
"I know, honey," Kurt soothes, taking Sebastian's hand and leading the way back to his room. "But I've read about it and from everything I've read, it really does help. I know you don't like the idea of people screwing with your head, but that's not what happens. It just makes you relaxed and open to accessing memories you've locked away somewhere."
God, Kurt always knows exactly how to explain things. It's definitely at the bottom of the list of things Sebastian ever wants to do, but Kurt's confidence puts him a little more at ease. He's sure that if Kurt had any doubts at all, he'd put a stop to the procedure. He heard secondhand from Blaine how Kurt very nearly ripped his last doctor's face off after a mix up with the dosage of his meds.
Sebastian steps inside his room and drops down heavily on the bed next to his duffel bag, huffing out an impatient sigh. "God, I don't want to stay here."
The look on Kurt's face shifts to soft empathy and he comes to sit on Sebastian's lap. "Just a few more days and you'll be home."
Now that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, a few days has never seemed longer. He sighs and wraps his arms around Kurt's waist, presses a kiss to his boyfriend's clothed shoulder, and repeats, "Just a few days."
He can do this.
-x-
"Are you comfortable?" The doctor's voice is soft, calm and measured in a way that's clearly meant to be relaxing. It's neutral and deliberately boring, and for some reason, it serves to put Sebastian further on edge, but Dr. Harris is waiting for an answer so he lies.
"Yeah." He matches the man's monotone and does his best to relax, tries to imagine himself stretched out on the couch of their apartment, imagines hearing Kurt humming nearby as he sketches out a new outfit, imagines the steady, grounding white noise of Blaine somewhere close. It works, and when the doctor asks if he's ready to begin, he's able to say yes and mostly mean it.
He hears the beep of the video recorder and a quiet shuffle of papers as the doctor resituates himself in his chair, settling in. "Okay, then let's begin," he says in the same unsettlingly calm voice. "I'm going to count back from ten and when I get to zero, you're going to fall asleep. Focus on my voice."
Ten...Nine...Eight...Seven...Six...Five...Four...T hree...Two...One...Zero...
Sebastian falls asleep.
A/N: Only about three more updates left to this story. Reviews are always appreciated. :)