DISCLAMER, i do not own Beauty and the Beast of course, this is just a work of fiction based on the characters and the show.
So … I said I'd write about the nightmare.
Most of my nightmares, I'm actually reliving that night. But … the other night it was different.
Where do I even start ? I already had this one a couple of time, but it had been a while. And … Well I had a hard time falling asleep that night, and around 2am I finally managed to sleep. Probably because I was too exhausted … I don't know.
Anyway. It was weird. I was in the dark, I could barely see anything, and my head was spinning … I could hear myself begging them not to kill me, the words were echoing in my head. And at some point I think I saw them … more like their frames, I don't think I saw their faces. And I saw a gun, I heard it. I felt a pain in my chest as if I had been actually shot ! Well .. that's how I imagine it would be since, … well.
I don't want to describe it further. It's … painful.
The worse part was that I couldn't wake up, I tried so hard to wake up, I wanted to run but I couldn't move it was horrible. And when I was feeling that pain … then … then only I woke up.
My god … I was in sweat and it was around 5am and I was alone in my apartment and so scared. I could hardly breath and I think my entire body was shaking. And herb tea is not a magical solution. I didn't not manage to go to sleep again that night. Needless to say the day was quite exhausting, especially since I went to the gym with Lizzie and then at Dad's and all ...
He wanted me to stay over, but … I didn't know what was worse, being alone when I have such a nightmare, or having dad around ? So I just went home, and I arrived quite late. But … this was a peaceful night. I haven't had any nightmares this time.
I don't understand why I had this one again, I don't believe I had it in over a year. And … I kept hoping that this beast would show up and … and … kill them. I wanted that beast to come and save me, and it never came. This is why this is the worse of all nightmares that I can have, because it doesn't come. Whenever he … it is there then I calm down and if I do wake up, then I manage to go sleep again. But … when he doesn't then I can't. I simply can't sleep anymore.
So I read a book, I cleaned the apartment, I ironed the pile of clothes that had been waiting for over a week, anything to keep me distracted. And all day long I kept drinking coffee so I wouldn't fall asleep.
Last night I didn't have a nightmare, but … I woke up before my alarm clock, and I just thought a run would help me clear my mind. So now it's like 7pm and I'm exhausted. I should get some sleep, and … tomorrow I'll tell the shrink about that nightmare. I had never mention this one to him, so I guess it's not repetitive. And who knows, maybe HE can help.
Good night mom.
AN : Progressively it becomes natural for Cat to share in that notebook. I think she needed to share the silly stuffs (like her moments with Lizzie) and that now she is more open, especially since she realised how much she needs to talk yet cannot do that with her father.
So what do you think ?