Chapter 12: Cerberus Wants You!
Shepard, Miranda and Jacob had a meeting of their own later shortly before dinner to discuss their next moves. The plan at this point was to take the Normandy back to Illium, where Shepard intended to take Grunt and Mordin to recruit the assassin, Thane Krios. Originally, he had intended to take Jacob, but the operative was strongly opposed to the recruitment of Thane. It struck Shepard as odd; Jacob was hung up on the fact that Thane was an assassin. Which was odd, because Jacob worked for a terrorist organization that had done far, far worse than simple assassinations. From killing luring Alliance marines to a Thresher Maw lair, killing them, to capturing and killing Admiral Kohoku, to all manner of insane experiments on people, and no doubt, assassinations of their own. It was hard for him to take Jacob's seemingly principled objections seriously.
"Jacob, I fail to see the issue here," said Shepard. "Aside from all of the questionable things that Cerberus has done, things you yourself mentioned to me on your own, we've got a hardened merc who was willing to let over a hundred refinery workers burn to death just because he was in a hurry, an art and tech thief, a mentally unstable L-5 biotic, and a genetically engineered super Krogan who kills as much as he can to prove his strength."
"And I don't recall all those moral objections when we went to recruit Okeer," added Miranda. "If he had lived, it would be a sociopathic Krogan warlord geneticist down there instead of Grunt; a geneticist who actually traded Krogan to the Collectors for tech in order to create Grunt, giving his cast offs to Jedore, who used tried to build a merc army, but ended up using them as live ammo practice."
Jacob shook his head. He was not backing off of his objections. Shepard understood them, but in light of the rest of the team and their Cerberus backers, he did not understand why those objections were so strong. And Jacob actually was a member of Cerberus, while except for Miranda, the rest of the team was not.
"Commander, I know you think I'm being a hypocrite on this …" began Jacob, but Shepard shook his head.
"Not a hypocrite, Jacob; I just don't understand your objection in light of everything else."
"I guess I hit a point where I had to draw a line in the sand," Jacob explained. "Maybe it's because … after all the rest of it, I've got to retain some shred of moral dignity in this. I can morally justify the rest of them, but not an assassin."
"Jacob," said Miranda emphatically, "I cannot emphasize enough how important this mission is. If we fail in this, morals won't matter; humanity dies and becomes the Reapers' new slave army … or something worse. We need the best, and Thane's dossier is in the file for a reason."
"We'll have to disagree on that, ma'am," replied Jacob dispassionately.
"Look, Jacob," said Shepard, "if it were up to me, this entire ship would have been different. But having worked with the team, the crew, I wouldn't do that now. Now that we've gotten as far as we have? I couldn't imagine working with another crew. Everyone on this ship, even some of our questionable teammates, have proven to be indispensable." Then he paused thoughtfully and added, "The only change I'd make now is the Illusive Man, and even he's proven valuable. We all have a part to play, Jacob. Now, I'll be picking up Thane once we get to Illium. I've had to lay aside a lot of my objections for the good of this mission. Thane is coming aboard, like it or not. He gets out of hand, I'll put him down myself. You can even keep an eye on him if you want, but I expect you to at least try to make this work."
"You have my word, Commander," said Jacob. "I'll always raise objections if I have them; that ain't gonna change, but thanks for listening and not just blowing me off." He shot Miranda a displeased glance as he said that last part. "But don't worry; I'm with you no matter what."
"I appreciate that, Jacob," said Shepard gratefully, shaking the other man's hand. Jacob saluted and left Shepard and Miranda alone in the debriefing room. Miranda shook her head in frustration. Then she looked at Shepard with a pleading look.
"This is one of the things I want to discuss after dinner tonight, Shepard. I'll … I'll see you then." She saluted him and left.
After dinner came soon enough, and Shepard went to Miranda's cabin. He had no idea what she wanted to talk about, though after their meeting with Jacob, he suspected that it was not about the mutual attraction that Shepard and she shared. He pressed the door chime and Miranda's mellifluous voice cheerfully said, "Shepard, please come in."
The light turned green, allowing him to open the door and enter. She sat behind her desk as usual. He wondered if she took a seat there just prior to his arrival, or if she really was working that constantly. Or maybe she just had a very comfortable office chair.
"Miranda," he said warmly. "You said you wanted to talk?" After the Collector ship mission, Miranda had taken to wearing a black jumpsuit that resembled leather, but was a synthetic material. She wore it very, very well. He stood for a moment admiring her before she interrupted his admiration by responding to him.
"I did," she replied. Standing, she said, "I've been meaning to speak with you in fact." She led him back to her private quarters, the room behind her front office, where a bed, and small lounge area resided, with a sofa and a coffee table. She sat down at one end of the sofa, motioning for him to join her at the other. "I wanted to apologize," she began. "I didn't fully believe you'd be up to the task, and it seems I was wrong. Frankly, based on what I've seen, I wish Cerberus had recruited you earlier."
"I trust you," he replied. "But I don't trust Cerberus. Your experiments cross the line."
"All the time, yes," she conceded. "But I recall a Spectre who crossed a few lines while hunting down Saren and the Geth."
He wondered if she knew just what experiments he meant. Now that he knew Miranda, he was pretty sure that if she had the kind of firsthand knowledge of these things that he did, that she would never be so casual about it. But he appreciated that she was honest.
"And we'd be lucky to have you," she continued. "Too many join us out of simple xenophobia. We need more people here for the right reasons."
"I saw your bases years ago," Shepard countered. "You were using Rachni, Thorian creepers, even husks to make your own army."
"The husks were already dead," she explained, "and the Thorian creepers were mindless, and the Rachni were abandoned once we understood their intelligence. We weren't breeding an army; we were breeding expendable shock troops for high risk scenarios. How many soldiers died in Saren's attack on Eden Prime? How many would have lived if we'd had just a dozen Rachni soldiers on our side?"
Wow! She really does believe in them, he thought, surprised at her steadfastness, especially after the Collector ship. As much as he liked her, as much as he cared about her, he could not let it go at that.
"What was Cerberus trying to prove by experimenting on children like Jack?" he asked, going for something more human.
"A mistake, no question; not mine. And one that was corrected once we discovered the extent of the experiments being performed."
This is pointless, he thought. She's still not ready to consider breaking from them. Or perhaps she's hoping to make Cerberus into what she sees it as by bringing me in? Regardless, this will just go downhill; time to change the topic, see what makes her so loyal.
"With your intelligence, you could have landed any job you wanted," he remarked. "Why choose this?"
"Because I still envy the time Mordin spent with the Special Tasks Group, working with people as smart as he was. Cerberus never tells me something is impossible; they give me the resources and say do it." Then she shifted the topic back onto Shepard. "And we've given you even more; a new life, a new ship, the Illusive Man's personal attention."
That last one he could do without, but she was right about his life and ship. And they had given him something else she had not mentioned.
"The best thing he did was to put you on my squad." And he meant it.
"You'd have done fine without me," she said, self-deprecatingly. Then she looked down as she continued. "I wouldn't have believed it before, but I don't have what you do; that fire that makes someone willing to follow you into Hell itself." Then she stood and walked to the window, looking out, she continued. "My father got me the best genes money could buy. Guess that wasn't enough."
"You always bring up your genetic tailoring," Shepard observed, standing to join her. "It really bothers you, doesn't it?"
"This is what I am, Shepard," she sighed. "I can't hide it. The intelligence, the looks, even the biotics. He paid for all that. Every one of your accomplishments is due to your skill. The only things I can take credit for are my mistakes."
"I can't admire your body or your mind?" he asked, feeling like she was presenting a catch 22. "You give your father too much credit. Yeah, he gave you gifts; but you can be proud of what you've done with them."
"Oh, thank you," she said with surprise, Turning around to face him, she took the conversation in a different, and much more pleasant direction. "Perhaps I wouldn't mind if you admired my body."
"You wouldn't, huh?"
"I think I could live with it," she demurred.
"It's only fair; you've had two years to look at me. And I was wearing less than you are."
They each got closer, and Miranda reached out to touch him, much as she had after they had rescued Oriana. But she suddenly retracted her hand, saying,
"Shepard, wait; I … I need to think about this."
"Scared, Miss Lawson?"
"Cautious, Commander Shepard. But interested. Very interested." Then she tried to get all professional, but sounded instead like she had just been caught doing something wrong. "For now I should work … and think." She blushed brightly and began stammering, turning and walking back to the shelter of her desk. "I'll talk … um … to you later."
"Sure thing, Miranda," he replied. He could hardly believe it; the cocky and confident Miranda Lawson had finally worked up the nerve to acknowledge her crush, and then got scared. Of course, her confidence masked a deep insecurity, an insecurity that was inextricably tied to her genetic tailoring. He opted to refrain from pressing her on their feelings; she was a beautiful woman, and he finally was able to admit to himself that he was falling in love with her fast. While they may not survive the Collector homeworld, he refused to press her. Using the possibility of death in the near future was a low tactic to get a girl in bed. Shepard had never done that kind of thing, and was not about to start now.
He and Ashley had something that was beautiful. And had he not "died" two years ago, they would be happily married, likely with kids of their own. It would have been an idyllic life, a dream come true. But it was not to be. He was still bitter that they had not even tried to recover him; they had not even investigated the Normandy crash site. If they had, Shepard would not have been collecting dog-tags two years after the fact. That was a disgrace, he thought. It was almost as though the Alliance was relieved that he was finally gone so that they could go back to ignoring the Reapers.
No, that life was not to be, he mused as he rode the lift back to his cabin. Ashley had removed herself from any place in his life, and Miranda was the woman he was in love with. She was truly a magnificent woman, and not because of her genetic tailoring. She was not a prize to be won, or a thing to work for. Their feelings were there, no doubt about it. But Shepard would not force her or manipulate her into acting on them. But he would make sure to tell her how he felt before they went through the Omega Relay. If she wanted to take things further, that would make him very happy, but if not? He would simply have to respect that.
Miranda had never felt so conflicted in her life. Here she was, on the most important mission of her career, and perhaps in Humanity's history, and she was falling in love with the mission commander. She had tried recruiting him to Cerberus; that was a lame idea, she thought; she knew he would never join Cerberus. But it was the only way she could think of to get him near her without revealing her emotions. She was not ready for that. Time, she thought. If only we had more time. Then I could work up to it. But we don't. And who am I kidding? After the Collector ship, there was no way Shepard would work for Cerberus. Even her own confidence had been shaken after that, though she had recovered a lot of it.
"Ms. Lawson," said Edi over the intercom, "Are you sure you wish to recruit Shepard for Cerberus?" It was an odd question; Edi had to know that the Illusive Man would like nothing better.
"Of course I'm sure, Edi," she retorted, even though she knew that Shepard would never willingly accept the offer. "Shepard would be a fantastic addition to Cerberus."
"Shepard is offended by the way the Illusive Man conducts the organization," explained Edi. "He has serious moral and ethical qualms about Cerberus' methods and objectives. More importantly, he does not trust the organization as a whole, or the Illusive Man in particular. The only people he trusts in Cerberus are Operative Taylor and yourself. These are not things that can be overcome with time, either. The Illusive Man will not change his methodology, and Shepard will never change his principles. And the two are mutually incompatible.
"More importantly, the reason he trusts you is because your own principles and methods are much more similar to Shepard's than to the Illusive Man's. Like Shepard, you do not needlessly sacrifice people, or seek to win at any cost; you have self-imposed limitations on what you are willing to do to achieve your goal, while the Illusive Man does not. "
"What are you getting at, Edi?"
"Nothing more than what I have plainly said. Logging you out, Ms. Lawson."
As planned, Shepard took Grunt and Mordin on his mission to recruit the Drell Assassin. The mission proved enlightening in more ways than one. The assassin's target was none other than Nasana Dantius, an Asari businesswoman who had fabricated a story about her sister needing rescue from pirates. When Shepard had gone to rescue the kidnapped woman, it turned out that she not only had not been kidnapped, but was actually the head of the pirate band, and had forced Shepard to kill her in self-defense. Nasana had planned it that way all along. Now, Nasana had apparently decided that all of her workers needed to die in order to cover up her secrets, and had hired Eclipse mercs to kill the entire night staff in the Dantius Towers. Someone had had enough – enough to hire Thane Krios to kill her.
Shepard, Grunt, and Mordin eliminated the mercs as he tracked the assassin, and finally came to Nasana herself. Nasana thought that Shepard was trying to kill her, but he smugly told her no. When she tried to negotiate with him, still unconvinced, he simply responded that nothing he did would prevent what was coming. At that point, Thane killed her. And that was when things got interesting.
Thane, reverently laying her down and crossing her arms over her heart, prayed over the dead woman. Shepard greeted him, but Thane replied that he must first say prayers for the wicked.
"She certainly was wicked," Shepard had agreed.
"Not for her," said Thane, shaking his head. "For me."
Thane, as it turned out, had not taken the job for money, but instead as an opportunity to right the wrongs of his past. When Shepard told him of the Collector mission, Thane readily accepted. The fact that it was a suicide mission suited the assassin quite well; it turned out that the Drell was suffering from Kepral's Syndrom; a terminal illness unique to Drell physiology,
"Low survival odds don't concern me; the lives of your colonists do," explained the Drell. "I will take your mission, Shepard. No charge." He shook Shepard's hand, and the deal was struck.
Shepard liked this man; Thane was a kindred spirit if ever there was one, and he sensed it immediately. Mordin and Grunt both like him immediately as well. Shepard was sure that Miranda would, but braced for Jacob's reception.
And Jacob did not disappoint. As soon as Thane stepped into the debriefing room, Jacob made his feelings known.
"I've heard impressive stories Krios. Sounds like you'll be an asset to the team," began the operative. Then he looked at Shepard and said, "That is if you're comfortable having an assassin watch your back."
"I have accepted a contract," said Thane. "My arm is Shepard's."
"Uh-huh," said Jacob. "Don't know about you, but I'm loyal to more than my next paycheck."
"Obviously he is too," observed Shepard. "He's doing this mission gratis. What's your concern?"
"I don't like mercenaries," Jacob explained. "And an assassin is just a precise mercenary."
"An assassin is a weapon," Thane corrected. "A weapon doesn't choose to kill; the one who wields it does. Where shall I put my things? I prefer someplace dry if anything is available."
"The area near the life support plant on the crew deck tends to be slightly more arid than the rest of the ship," said Edi, her avatar popping up over the table.
"Ah; an AI," observed Thane. "My thanks." Thane then bowed courteously to them, leaving the room.
"He seems quite personable," said the AI.
Shepard thought so as well. He looked at Jacob and said,
"We need all the help we can get. He's not what I expected in an assassin. He may surprise you."
"Yeah, then again, he may not," replied Jacob.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Jacob?" asked Shepard, visibly annoyed.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me," reiterated Shepard. "What is wrong with you? You practically gave Samara the red-carpet treatment, had no problem with Grunt, and never said word one about Zaeed. Samara kills without conscience, I don't care what her code says, and Grunt kills because he's compelled to prove the strongest. And Zaeed's just plain ruthless."
"Shepard, I …"
"No, I'm not finished! You willingly went to work for Cerberus, an organization that's done a lot worse than contract killing, and by your own admission no less! Now I want an answer."
Jacob was silent for a long moment, and at first, Shepard thought that a confrontation might ensue. Thankfully, it did not. Instead, Jacob gave what Shepard felt was a very thoughtful response.
"I don't know, Sir. I know, in my head, that what you say … we'll you're not wrong. But the idea of an assassin, unvarnished and unapologetic, just bugs the hell outta me. I know about Zaeed, and he's one fucked up bastard, but for some reason, he doesn't bother me all that much." He turned and leaned on the table, looking off into the distance. "Maybe it's because … I joined Cerberus because they were doing something that I believed in. I mean, even Zaeed does things he cares about; it's not all about the money. And Samara? She's all about belief. But Thane? He kills for money, that's it."
"I appreciate your honesty, Jacob; you know I always do. But I've seen Thane in action, and talked with him. He's not in it for the money. In fact, I think maybe he's finally found something to believe in. You asked me to give you a chance when we began, and I'll admit I had my doubts. But I'm glad I did" Shepard leaned against the table, half sitting, half standing, his arms folded. "Miranda keeps asking me to give Cerberus a chance. I did, many in fact. Illusive Man lost my trust with the Collector Ship, but Miranda? She's earned my trust. So I'll ask you to do the same – give Thane a chance. I have a feeling you'll like him if you do."
"That's fair, Commander. I can be professional. And maybe you're right. Thanks."
Jacob saluted, and left after Shepard had returned the Salute. Shepard breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing he wanted at this point was friction on the team. Things were bad enough after the Illusive Man had nearly screwed them; there needed to be a sense that at least on the ship, they could all trust one another.
"Garrus, you got a minute?" said Shepard to Garrus over the intercom.
"I'm in the middle of some calibrations, but I can take a break."
"Good; I'm on my way."
"So Miranda tried to recruit you, then almost kissed you, then got self-conscious and got back to work?"
"That's about the size of it, Garrus," said Shepard. "I think she's in love, which would be good; cause I think I am too."
"Oh, she's got it bad for you, Shepard," laughed Garrus. "She has for a while now; at least since before I came aboard."
"Oh? She tell you something she hasn't told me?"
"Not so much told," explained Garrus. "More like looks she gives when you're back is turned and she thinks no one else is looking. When you leave the room, her eyes follow you. When she's leaving the room, she looks back at you, and if you're not looking at her, she stops and lets her gaze linger."
"Wonder why the hesitation, then," replied Shepard. "She's gotta know I feel the same way."
"I don't think she has a lot of relationship experience, Shepard. Not real relationships anyway. You said she's all hung up on her genetics; could be she feels she doesn't measure up? Whatever it is, I think you're tack of letting her know you're interested without pushing her is the right one. Press her hard and she'll shut you out."
"Thanks Garrus. It really helps to bounce it off of you." Then Shepard switched gears. "Say, you up for helping Liara out while we're still parked on Illium? I have intel on the Shadow Broker; enough to go get him."
"You, me and T'soni hunting down the most notorious information broker in the galaxy?" Garrus laughed shaking his head. "I'm surprised you feel the need to ask, Shepard. This one's a given."
"I thought you'd see it that way. I'm planning to meet her tomorrow afternoon. Say we bring Tali along? It'll be as close to the old gang getting back together as we've gotten."
"I like that, Shepard! Let's do it!"