Chapter 11

I know I'm in deep when Sarah comes up and starts giving me the third degree and all the while angrily poking me in the chest.

After about ten minutes of yapping, she started to sound like the teacher from Peanuts. Woman does like to hear herself speak.

I'm bewildered but of course I probably deserve it…

Chuck is pissed at me "I hope to God, I didn't just see making moves on my sister," he says crossing his arms but staying three feet behind Sarah.

I don't deny it but I don't explain my actions either.

"You mean Sarah and you are the only ones who are allowed to find even some kind of happiness in this …mission," I say smugly as I call them out.

"We aren't dating," Sarah gasps.

"Save it sister, by the way you guys look at each other, I know otherwise," my expression changes and I add in a calmer voice "It's actually kind of sweet. I say go for it." I say.

They reach for each other and hold hands.

"How long have you known?" Chuck asks.

"Awhile," I say nodding my understanding. I have been covering for them. But I don't tell them that. It's one of my many secrets. My biggest secret is that I'm not the concrete block people I pretend to be. I am flesh and bone. I need something to get me through the night as much as any other man- may it be a bottle of scotch or a sweet woman. If Chuck and Sarah get each other throughout the night- I will turn a blind eye. Unless it compromises the mission, then I have to let them know their time is up.

I'm not going to impede on their happiness. The really don't need me as an enemy.

"I wasn't going to make moves on Ellie. Right now she's in a vulnerable state. My job is to keep you safe and in large part I am keeping her safe as well by saying No." I move towards Chuck and I put my hand on his shoulder. This move was invented by Dad's and older Brothers in order to comfort the youngling's. My dad used it on me so many times it wasn't funny. He seems comforted. But I'm not comforted at all. I feel empty.

I may be annoyed by the kid most of the time but he has a good heart. And Sarah- well she may be a blond nuisance but she has heart too. Too much heart for her line of work. I wish them luck.

"I would never hurt her. She feels rejected. I'm sure tomorrow they'll work something out." I say to Chuck. I tell him the story and he plops down on my couch, his head in his hands.

"Casey. This isn't something she can "get over," he said. "He cheated…with another man…"

I didn't notice but Sarah is sitting down too she grabs his arm in support.

She looks like she has tears in her eyes. She really likes Ellie.

The room gets quiet. And after a short while, it's Chuck who speaks again.

"I have to go comfort my sister now," Chuck said finally. I see that his whole demeanor has changed from angry to sad. I don't mind him angry. But this kid doesn't deserve to be sad. He is still connected to Ellie and they both rise off the couch-together as one person.

I nod my understanding.

Chuck mutters a small "thank you" and they leave.

He loves his sister. If I loved her like that I would fight for her too.

Oh god.

The slow realization of my feelings for her drains the color from my face and I slump onto the couch. I consider my options but with the adrenaline gone I begin to feel the effects of the booze and I get up to put on another record… It's all white. I sit in the chair and sulk.

Happiness is a warm gun
Happiness is a warm gun mama
When I hold you in my arms
and I feel my finger on you trigger
I know nobody can do no harm
Because Happiness is a warm gun mama
Happiness is a warm gun, yes it is
Happiness is a warm, yes it is, gun
Ah, don't you know that
Happiness is a warm gun mama