Goodness! Sorry I'm super late! But I had a lot to do this week and I couldn't edit this chapter in time. A little bit of fluff in this chapter, but I can promise all the angst will be back next chapter.
BPOV
Being with Edward was so amazing. It got to the point where I didn't even want to get out of bed . . . I wanted to fuck him all the time. Talking to him, sleeping with him, fooling around . . . everything we did together was a million time better than when I'd imagined it. I thought Edward and I were . . . sure, we talked a lot when we'd been at the center, but here we did the same, only in between, there was sex.
And even though I loved it, being with Edward, I knew it was going to be cut short in just a few days. And then I would be back at the center, trying to reach level five and six as fast as I could so I could come home.
I couldn't sleep after the sex we'd had last night. Sure, it was great, like it was all the time, but there were too many feelings racing in my mind to let me fall asleep.
Edward was asleep next to me however; our naked bodies pressed together, his arm wrapped around my waist. I couldn't help but cuddle closer and close my eyes, trying to be as peaceful and asleep as he was. But it just wasn't happening. So, I took advantage and went into the bathroom. I lit the small candle to give me a little bit of light without turning on the actual light, and I pulled out the scissors from the first drawer on my left hand side, and began to hack away at my skin, even though I had nothing to be mad at. I wasn't angry at anyone, save for my mother, but that would never go away.
I wasn't suicidal anymore. I didn't even think about dying. It wasn't something that crossed my mind like it had been. And even though my mother was like brand mark on my emotions, she didn't piss me off enough for me to feel sorry for myself. I just wished I would have met Edward Cullen earlier. Yeah, we were still fucked up, but just by meeting and falling for his gentlemanly charm and his words that made my panties drop at the word 'go', I still lived to feel the torture my mother extended towards me. And sometimes, it was bearable, but other times . . .
So when I dug the sharp point of the scissors into my skin, it didn't feel good. In fact, I hissed at the pain that welled up. It didn't make me feel alive like it always had. But I had to keep going . . . it was the only way I would feel anything.
But this was bad; it was horrible because I felt everything. I'd never felt anything so painful. Not even the night I tried to kill myself . . . it felt wonderful then. So I stopped, tears streaming down my face from the pain. And I guess I was crying too loud, because there was a knock on the bathroom door.
"Yeah?" I called out, softly, unable to speak any louder. I tried to stand up and find a towel, but I was too dizzy, and moving made me nauseous.
"Are you okay? I thought I heard you crying." His voice was soft since he'd been asleep for a while.
I wanted to tell him I was fine, that he didn't have to worry about me at all, that he could go back to bed. But I couldn't clean up myself. And I was bleeding a lot, and my head was starting to hurt.
"Edward . . . I need you to help me," I said, even softer than before, leaning against the bathtub.
Edward walked inside and turned on the light, finding me curled up in the corner, holding my arm as the blood poured out. I couldn't stop it; there was more than I'd ever dealt with. And it was starting to scare me.
He grabbed a towel and extended my arm, trying to stop the bleeding. It hurt as he pressured the cut, but all I did was cry. I just let him, but not because I wasn't embarrassed or proud, because was embarrassed and the farthest things from proud. I let him fix me because I was broken and I needed him to. I continued to sob, wanting the pain to go away. I didn't want something I trusted so much to hurt me anymore. I didn't want to cut anymore.
He pulled back the towel and looked at what I'd done to myself. I could see it in his face, the horror, the disgust. But he didn't say anything to me. Nothing. Just grabbed the bottle of alcohol from beneath the sink.
I struggled with him; I didn't want him to pour it on me. But I was weaker than he was at that moment.
"Isabella, stop it," he said. His voice was rough and impatient, and I could feel his anger as well as feel it. So clenched my eyes shut and dug my nails into my thigh, and when he poured the alcohol, I bit my lip and dug my nails further, almost drawing blood. Any harder and I would have. But it hurt so much and he kept pouring. I screamed, digging my fingernails into his forearm.
I could feel his gaze hot on my skin, and when I looked up at him, his eyes were scared, sad, and angry. And why not? I was sitting there with a gash in my arm, bleeding like a waterfall, and crying like a little baby.
He put little butterfly-band aids across the gash, and then a larger bandage over the wound, and put everything away. He looked down at me and for a second, I felt like he didn't want me anymore.
But before I knew it, he pulled me into his arms, and I was against his warm firm chest, still crying, but feeling a lot better than I had been.
He didn't say anything, but just carried me back to the room, laying me on the bed. He went back into the bathroom and didn't come out for a few minutes. But I could hear slamming and other noises that suggested he was the farthest thing from happy.
But when he came out, his face was blank. He brought me a few aspirin and a glass of water. I swallowed the pills and drank to water, lying back.
Edward didn't climb into bed immediately. He first went out to the balcony to smoke a cigarette and I watched him, his hands shaking.
God! I hated myself so much for doing something so stupid. Cutting isn't like having sex at all. It eats you up and spits you out. At least with sex there was someone else to comfort you.
He came inside then, throwing the pack of cigarettes on the desk and then looked at me. I caught his gaze, his green eyes so dark they were black. Edward climbed in bed next to me, facing away from me. I could feel he was angry at me. It was thick in the air. But he didn't know how sorry I was, how I didn't want to cut anymore. But I couldn't find my voice to tell him so. I couldn't tell him that I was done with all of it because I was happy with what I had now.
I pressed my chest into his back, hitching a leg over his hip. I wrapped an arm around his waist, my hand resting on his lower stomach. I kissed the back of his neck.
He entwined his fingers with mine. His heart beat escalated.
"I'm sorry," I said, whisper soft. Edward didn't say anything, but his grip tightened on my hand. No other words were spoken. But I felt his anger dissipate as we fell closer to sleep.
The next morning, Edward was in a bad mood. And I had a feeling it was because of what I'd done last night.
He was sitting outside on the balcony, drowning himself in his music.
I sat at the kitchen, along with all of the other hung-over friends. Lila and Brie weren't as close to me as they were last night. And I guess that's what alcohol and drugs do to you.
It was nice being high, and the sex was great . . . but the cutting . . . and he was so mad. He didn't have to tell me. I knew. I could feel it in my blood.
"Hey."
I looked up at Cain. His short blonde hair was messy, and his eyes looked bored. He nodded towards Edward. "What's up with him?"
I shrugged, which annoyed him.
There was some whispering among them and then after a few more mugs of black coffee, they all left, one by one, eventually leaving me alone in the kitchen. I've never felt so abandoned.
I walked over to the sliding glass doors, pushing one open. I stepped outside, wrapping my sweater tighter around my body. It was cold out, and it didn't help that I was wearing tiny dance shorts.
"Edward," I said softly. Edward looked up at me. He shook his head and I bit my lip in effort to keep my tears back. It wasn't working too well. "I'm sorry." My voice cracked and I broke down, crying again. I thought I only cried when I was pissed off, but I'd been doing a lot of crying lately, and not only because I was mad.
"Dammit, Bella," he said. He stood up in front of me, dropping his iPod where he was sitting. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close. "It's not fair," he whispered.
"I'm so sorry," I said to him. "I didn't mean to cut that much-"
"But you did." Edward's green eyes were so pure. And I could tell who he was angry at. Himself. And I hated myself for that. "And you lost so much blood. I was actually debating whether or not I should wake up Alice or even take you to the hospital. "
"That's the thing, Edward. I don't want to do it anymore. I realized something last night . . . it hurt. And usually when I cut myself it feels good. But it was so painful . . . I can't do it anymore because I'm happy. I know I'm alive. I don't need that anymore. I'm not in love with my razor anymore," I said to him. I placed a hand on his cheek. "I'm in love with you."
He closed his eyes and shook his head. "It was scary seeing you like that," he said softly. His gaze was penetrating and deep. The green of his irises were brighter than I'd ever seen. But I frowned. I'd hurt him really bad. It's one thing to know about something . . . and then there's actually seeing it.
"I know. And you'll never have to see anything like that. Ever again. I promise. I'm never going to do it again." I looked up at him, and he rested his arms around my waist.
"I love you. This is me caring, you know. I couldn't just sit there and let you slowly kill yourself," he said.
"I know that." I smiled softly. He pulled me closer, hugging me. And despite the cold bite of the air, I'd never felt better.
He picked me up and lust washed over us, and in a second we were struggling to shed each other's clothing and trying to make it up the stairs.
I was left in my panties by the time we'd gotten up the stairs, Edward in his boxers. His hand was around my wrist, gripping me tightly as he pulled me into his bedroom. The door shut with a loud bang and he walked over to the night stand, grabbing a condom. He stalked towards me, his eyes shiny with lust, want, and need. My eyes raked his body, over his chest and down to the tense muscles of his stomach, gazing over the prominent erection he had. He kissed me, hard and rough, our mouths colliding, and our hands rushing over skin.
He turned me so I was facing the wall and pushed me against it and I braced myself, placing my hands on the wall, widening my stance. Edward came up behind me and without taking off my panties, just pushing them aside with his long fingers, he entered me. His was cock hard and hot, ramming into me, nothing nice or sweet. Just hot, sexy, erotic fucking.
It was one of the only positions we had yet to try . . . and damn it felt good. Edward wasn't inadequate in size which helped much. And even though I was a virgin, I wasn't stupid when it came to size. I knew what a big dick was . . . and it just so happened my boyfriend had one.
I cried out, and he grunted, but then pulled away from him, turning around, and sliding out of my panties. I pushed down his boxers as well. I dropped to my knees, grabbing his cock and taking into my mouth. I took him as far as I could, and then let him go. I grabbed his balls and sucked his dick, finishing with a loud 'pop'. I stood up and fetched a condom. He pulled me in his direction, and pushed me hard against the wall. My head snapped up to see him, his eyes raging with lust. I ripped the little foil package open, rolling the condom onto Edward's hot, hard erection. I was already panting, grabbing his hips and pulling him to me. I lifted one leg in the form of a split, holding it up while Edward pushed his cock into my wet, waiting pussy. I threw my head back, relishing in the feelings of how he filled me, whole and complete.
We made eye contact the entire time we fucked, me biting my lips so hard I could draw blood.
"Fuck, yes," I murmured, as his hips smacked into mine, the erotic sound of slapping flesh momentarily filling the air. Our fucking was raw and pure, no love-y feelings involved, just two sexy, needy, lustful bodies, and very high stamina. It was dirty and rough, our lean bodies colliding, hot mouths connecting, tongues sliding against one another.
Edward leaned forward to kiss my neck, his teeth biting softly, his lips sucking my skin. I moaned outward, holding onto his waist, willing him deeper inside of me.
"Fuck me, baby," I grunted. My nails dragged over his skin, and he hissed, biting my shoulder harder than I'd anticipated. But it felt good, not at all painful. I liked it.
"You liked it, didn't you," he grunted.
I closed my eyes and nodded.
"I can't hear you Bella," he said forcefully. He put a hand on my chin, forcing me to look at him. "Did you like it?"
I nodded. "Yes, I like it! I like it!" I screamed. "
His eyes were hooded with satisfaction. "Good."
His large hands engulfed my chest, and I arched my back, wanting to feel his big, rough fingers all over my flesh. I slid my hand down in between us, rubbing furiously at my clit, while Edward pounded hard into me.
I was close to my climax and it was way too good to worry about anything. I shut my eyes, and Edward roughly put his hands on my ass, picking me up. I straddled his hips, still feeling him deep inside of me.
"God, yes," he groaned.
I mimicked his words in a whisper of a breath. "Edward!" I cried out. I ran my fingers through his hair, holding him close to me.
"What Bella?" He growled at me. His voice was deep and rough, a rumble that ran over my skin.
"I'm coming," I said to him.
He gripped my hips hard, almost bruising, but his thrusts were harder and rougher, and then we were both shouting and screaming and coming, my body shuddering above his while his thrusts became slower, his body satisfied.
He held me close to him, and I hung on, my arms still wrapped around his neck and my legs linking behind his waist.
I was breathing as if I'd just ran a race, Edward's breathing as hard as mine. He pulled back just enough to kiss me, a slower kiss, but still just as hot.
I pulled away, sliding down his body, until my feet touched the floor.
I pushed him back and walked past him, tossing him a box of tissues. He grinned.
"Bitch."
"You're the one with the condom full of come," I said. I grinned at him and he rolled his eyes.
He said nothing, but flashed me that signature grin, walking away to the bathroom. I smacked his ass while he was his way. He didn't even turn around, just flipped me off. I laughed.
I fell on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. There was no way in hell I was going back to that damn treatment center after having sex like that. There was no way in fucking hell that I would. And someone would have to fucking drag me kicking and screaming.
Edward finally came out of the bathroom, dressed in a pair of boxers and jeans. His jeans were unbuttoned, so they were low on his hips, and his boxers were also tantalizingly low, his happy trail leading underneath. I licked my lips and grinned. He climbed on top of me, and tried to turn my body over underneath him, so I was facing away from him.
"No!" I screamed. He was laughing, and I was too, which made me weaker than him, so he finally managed to turn me over. And then, he slapped my butt, and I yelped, still laughing, even though it did sting.
"You're an ass hole!"
"Yeah, yeah. But you got what you deserved, little girl."
I pushed him off of me and then jumped on him, pinning him to the bed. "That's not fair!"
"Says who?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
I pouted. "That's cheating. You can't look that hot and get away with it."
He broke out into a gorgeous, full smile, on purpose.
I stuck my tongue out at him. He pulled me down and kissed me again. I thought about the sex we'd just had. Sure, I was getting more and more aroused with each second he kissed me, but when he pulled back, I remembered how he'd bitten me . . . and I blushed. Hard.
"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked, grinning. I tried to cover my face.
"Nothing," I said. I tried to cover my face and Edward laughed.
"No one blushes like that if they're thinking about nothing," he said. He leaned forward, placing gentle kisses down my neck and throat, proceeding over my uncovered chest. Oh, he was good.
But I still couldn't tell him that I liked being bitten, that I wanted him to do it again and again, that I may be a masochistic little girl when it came to fucking.
I blushed harder. I could feel my face, neck, and chest turn hot, his kisses only making my flesh hotter. "What are you thinking about Bella?" he said. His hands teased me, running up and down my legs, over the insides of my thigh, over my naked entrance. I held back a moan that was crawling up my throat.
"Nothing," I moaned out. He chuckled, and he slid two fingers inside of me, my legs falling open like a book.
"Tell me, Bella," he demanded. He withdrew his fingers, putting them in his mouth. I moaned again, thrusting up my hips, rubbing against him.
"I-I liked it when you bit me," I cried out. I opened my eyes to see Edward grinning.
"Really?" he asked.
I nodded. "Oh, God. I can't believe I just said that," I said.
"Why?"
"Because it sounds so kinky."
"That's because it is," he said. He laughed again and leaned down to kiss me, biting my neck softly.
After a while of playing like that, I pulled on one of Edward's button-downs, buttoning up but still letting my boobs be shown through. I didn't think being conservative was a must in front of Edward, considering not too long ago, we'd fucked like crazed animals.
Edward was on the balcony, smoking a cigarette. I'd never seen him do it . . . only the weed we'd smoked last night. But there was something decidedly sexy about him standing out there, shirtless, absent minded, blowing out smoke from his lips. My eyes ran over his back, his shoulder blades, and the two dimples right above his ass . . . he was such a gorgeous person. And sure, it was nice, but I loved that he was my best friend. The only person that knew all of my secrets.
Why the fuck would I want to leave that behind?
I watched him, sitting on the edge of his bed, pulling my legs up to my chest, resting my chin on my knees.
When he walked in, I looked up at him. "I need to see my dad."
Edward cocked his head to the left, like a cute little puppy. I smiled, but he looked confused. "Why?"
"Because I don't want to go back to the center," I said to him. "I can't live without having you at my side. I'll go crazy." He walked up to me, pulling me up to stand. I kissed him, soft and sweet. "I just want to be a kid again."
He smiled, pushing back a lock of hair from my face. "But do you think your dad will pull you out?" he asked me. His fingers drummed lightly on the small of my back, my heartbeat matching.
"I think so. But I have to get Jasper on my side. If he sees that I'm stable enough to be out of that damn place, then Dad will. And besides. I think he'll be happy about having me home."
"Why do I have a feeling that I have to hide?" he asked.
"I can't introduce you to Dad yet. He'll think I'm trying to get out of treatment because of you. And even though you're mostly why I don't want to go back, I need to let him see that I'm good by myself." I sighed.
Edward nodded. "Fair enough. When are you going?"
"Whenever I can get Jasper to get here," I said. I kissed him softly, smiled.
I found Edward's cell phone in his jeans, sitting on the edge of the bed and dialed Jasper's number from memory. I heard it ring downstairs.
Why would Jasper . . .
I grinned. I knew they were together. I turned to look at Edward. "Did you know he was here?" I asked him.
"Well . . ."
I raised my eyebrows. "Did you?"
He nodded. "He was here and he said he was leaving . . . I guess he never left."
I pursed my lips. I rushed downstairs to see Alice and my brother sneaking around the kitchen. I watched for a few seconds before interrupting them.
"Shut up," Alice said to Jasper, giggling. "They're going to hear you." Alice twirled in her sexy lingerie, only dressed in a black bra and matching lacy panties. Jasper was just in a pair of jeans.
"They're going to hear us? We can hear them, and we're all the way down here," he said. "They shouldn't be having sex that rough. He's going to break her." He seemed stiff, mentioning that we'd been having sex. And why not? I'm his pure, innocent, little sister.
"She's a strong girl," Alice said, rolling her eyes.
I smiled on the inside. Edward did say I had a tendency to get a little loud.
"Besides," Alice continued. "You weren't complaining when we were upstairs fucking that hard."
Oh my God, eww.
"So were you going to keep it a secret that you were in town or eventually tell me?" I said to them, breaking their little cute eye-fucking, before Alice said something else I didn't want to hear.
They both jumped, startled. Alice laughed.
"Hey, you had your fuck buddy," she said. She looked up at Jasper. "I wanted mine."
"For one, that's gross." I blinked a few times and then smiled. "And two, I need you to do me an enormous favor, Jasper."
"What?"
"I want you to do a psychological evaluation on me, Jasper."
He snapped his head to me, his blue eyes staring into mine. "What for?"
"To show I'm sane enough to stay home," I said. I took in a deep breath. "I don't want to go back."
Jasper shook his head. "I knew it was a bad idea. I knew we shouldn't have taken you out. I knew you were going to try to weasel your way out of there."
I raised a hand to stop him from saying anything else. "Jasper, hear me out. I'm fine. I'm happy. Alice and Edward, they've been amazing to me. And Dad wants me to live with him and his new family." I smiled. "I want to start my new life now. But I need your help. Please?"
"Bella, I can't because I'll be biased. You think I want you to go back there?" He looked away from me. "I can't. You have to go back Bella, and finish."
"It's been six months! I think I'm better by now, Jasper," I snapped. Jasper didn't look convinced. I walked up to him. "What if I talked to a therapist on a regular basis?"
"You mean have regular sessions?"
I nodded. "I'll go every day until you want me to stop," I wagered.
He shook his head. "It's not the same."
"Jasper, if you send me back, I'll go insane." I sighed. "I can't do it."
"Isabella . . . it's not that easy. What am I going to tell them?"
"The minimum time that I'm obligated to stay there is three months. It's been twice that. I haven't been cutting"-a lie, i knew that, but it wasn't going to help my case if I told him I was hacking away at my skin-"and I haven't been having any suicidal thoughts."
"None at all?" he asked. He looked skeptical. I knew he would be the first person to grab me by the arm and throw me back there until he was sure I was better.
I nodded. "I've been too happy with Alice and Edward . . . and you. The fact that I'm not around Mom makes me better. And Dad . . . he wants to have a better life with me."
"How can I trust you, Bella, and not believe that everything you just told me is a bunch of bullshit?"
I pursed my lips. "Instinct, I guess. I don't know Jasper. But I'm telling you the truth. I want you to be able to trust me. Please?"
He gave in a after a few minutes, he performed an evaluation to test my mental health. He asked me personal questions, about my dreams, my thoughts, what sex was like for me, what I thought my future held me.
I answered everything, even the sex question as truthful as I could. Even if most of the time, I was blushing.
Alice and Edward sat at the top of the stairs, watching Jasper work on me. Alice stayed in her skimpy underwear, just as Edward was dressed only in a pair of sleep pants.
But then just as quickly as we'd started, I was finished.
I looked at Jasper expecting . . . I wasn't sure what to expect actually.
"Well, aside from a few abnormal sexual behaviors, you're doing fine. But I'm going to have to take you to a real psychologist to make sure. One that doesn't know you at all to make sure I'm not being too biased with my evaluation."
I smiled. "So you think I can stay home?" I said.
"You seem fine to me," he said with a shrug. I jumped on him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I'll have to talk to Dad and see if he's willing to let me pull you out."
"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"
He put me down and I looked up at him.
"What?"
I shrugged. "You're helping me. I never thought this would happen," I said. I looked away from him.
"Hey." Jasper looked at me, with all the love I could possibly imagine from him. "You're my sister. And I rather see you home than locked up like that."
I smiled. "Thanks Jasper. Can you take me to see Dad later?" I asked.
He nodded. "If you get dressed, we can go now."
"Okay." I hugged Jasper once more and then ran for the stairs. But Alice caught me, looking into my eyes.
"I don't care what anyone says, Isabella," she said. "But you saved Edward. And that was more than any of us have ever done. And I'll never forget that about you," she said.
"He saved me too. And he still does. Every day." I smiled at her and she pulled me into a hug. I hugged her back and then ran for the stairs, slamming my body into Edward's. He laughed as he wrapped his arms around me, holding me so I didn't slide down.
"Okay," Alice said. "How about we go out for lunch. All of us," she suggested. I looked up at Edward. He smiled at his sister.
"Yeah, that sounds good," Jasper agreed.
"We'll be ready in a few minutes," Edward said, and dragged me up the stairs.
He led me into the bathroom and turned on the water, picking me up and sitting me down on the counter top. He kissed me again and his hands went into my hair. I rested my palms on his chest and kissed him back with everything I had, everything he'd taught me, everything I'd learned. And then we pulled apart and I walked inside the enormous shower, beckoning Edward to come with me. He enter the shower, leaning against the cold tile and just watching me as I stood underneath the spray of the water, letting it rinse my entire body. I took a bar of soap from the ledge and washed my body from all the activity that had gone on this morning, and then washed my hair with the shampoo that was there, rinsing and conditioning with the provided conditioner, it smelled wonderfully like vanilla.
After a while, Edward and I switched spots, me grabbing the razor that sat there. I shaved my legs as Edward washed his hair, then my underarms. Angela was always nice to me; she snuck me a razor once or twice, but I had to deal with her watching me shower because of the fact that I was in for cutting. Oh, well.
Edward walked out, wrapping a towel around his waist, and then I rinsed off, turning off the water when I was finished. Edward was finishing brushing his teeth when he held out a towel for me to walk into. He wrapped it around me, held me to him for a kiss, and then let me go. I walked into the room and dressed, wearing a tight sweater over a pair of Seven jeans. The sweater was a warm gray color and cut low in the front.
I went into the bathroom, and blow-dried my hair so it was soft and fluffy. Then I brushed my teeth, applying a little bit of mascara for finish.
When I went back into the room, Edward was lacing up his converse. He looked up at me and frowned.
"I don't like it when all your scars are covered," he said walking up to me.
"You just saw me naked," I cried as he picked me up and spun me around.
"That may be, but I'm a teenaged guy. I want to see you naked all the time."
I laughed and he kissed me, still holding me off the floor. His strength was amazing. He was built like an Abercrombie model but had the strength of a god. He held me for a long time, and I wasn't that light.
"You're beautiful," he said. I smiled.
"And you're very handsome. I still don't know how this happened," I said with a big smile.
"Well, you had the balls to sit down next to me. I have to admit, you intimidated me at first. Especially when you called me out."
"I couldn't help it. I just had to because I didn't know what you were there for and I wanted to."
"Well, because you did that, we're together. Do you think you did the right thing?" he asked. I nodded immediately, not needing to second guess. "Then don't question it," he said. I smiled and he kissed me.
When he put me down, I slipped into a pair of my own converse. I may have been a dancer, and I may have been graceful at times, but when I walked, I was clumsier than anything.
I pulled on a black coat, and then I smoothed out my dress. I looked alright, but then there goes Edward, wearing a band tee, pair of jeans, and a leather jacket, and he looked like he just walked off an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog. Don't get me wrong, I love it. But man, he was going to give me a freaking heart attack one day.
And in case it wasn't evident, I had an obsession with Abercrombie & Fitch.
"Ready?" he said to me. I nodded and he took my hand, and we walked out of the room, down the hall and to the stairs.
"Alright," Alice said to us. "Let's get going."
For some reason, Alice was insistent on taking two cars, so Edward and I went in Alice's car, and Jasper and Alice drove in Jasper's car. Jasper and Alice made a cute little scene, kissing and play fighting. I smiled at their little display. It looked like we would be double dating our siblings. A while ago that might have frightened me, but now, it was quite refreshing.
Jasper stopped at a quaint little place, a building that looked like a house more than anything, and then parked the car. We all got out, and I fell in love. It was a tiny mud-colored brick house, with a chimney and everything thing. I couldn't wait until I walked inside. It didn't matter how much money I had to my name, which was a lot, but when I bought my first house, with husband or no, it wouldn't be something extravagant, but a cute little things that my children would be comfortable in.
The host sat us in a booth that looked more like two love seats on either side of a wooden table. It was set up nicely, and I just felt like I was at home.
Edward and Alice sat on one side and Jasper and I sat on the other. We ordered, coffee and hot chocolate, keeping a light conversation flowing.
"Isabella, do you want to go shopping later? With me? Alone?" Alice asked. I smiled at her. The way she'd stressed how much she didn't want anyone with us, namely Edward.
"Sure, Alice," I said. "We can go after lunch."
Jasper looked at me, then to Edward, and then back at me. Alice laughed. "You guys can catch a game or something on TV. Or play some sort of sports."
Edward didn't say anything, but just shrugged. Jasper nodded.
We finished eating, and Edward left in Jasper's car with him, while I left with Alice in hers.
At the mall, Alice and I walked around, an awkward silence surrounding us. We were in the middle of Victoria's Secret when I blurted out what was on my mind.
"I need to get on the pill," I said hurriedly.
She looked at me, her face alarmed. "Why?"
"Because Edward and I get clumsy sometimes, too carried away to put on a condom . . ." I said. I frowned. "This is so weird talking to you."
Alice smiled. "I'm sure," she said. "But at least you're being safe." She raised her eyebrows. My hands were shaking; I was more nervous than I should have been talking to her. I mean she was someone I looked up to, and definitely someone I could trust. So why was I feeling like I could shit bricks?
"I know," she said, "but still. You wanting to get on the pill makes perfect sense. I did when I first started having sex with Jasper." Alice sort of gleamed when she mentioned Jasper.
"How long have you guys been together?" I asked.
"About four months."
"Were you a virgin when you met him?"
She shook her head. "No. I was married before I met Jasper."
I was deeply surprised. Alice Cullen had been married. She wasn't even twenty yet.
"I thought it was love, but he was out for my money, and divorced me when another prettier, richer girl came along. It was only about six months before I met Jasper that this had happened. I was devastated-"
"Was that when you came out with the All-Black Winter line?" I picked up a bra held it to my chest and imagined what Edward would think about it. I put it back, deciding he wouldn't like it.
"Yeah. It was a bad time in my life. I couldn't help it."
"Well, it was definitely his loss," I said. She smiled.
"Thanks Isabella," she murmured. I shrugged.
"No problem."
There was a little silence while Alice and I continued to walk around the store. Alice kept looking at me like she wanted to ask me something, but kept deciding against it.
"What, Alice?" I said to her.
She pursed her lips. She ran her fingers through her black, choppy, short hair and peered into my eyes with her own crystalline blues. "I was just wondering if Edward was being okay with you. Not too pushy . . . not asking for things you're uncomfortable with . . . because, you know, he has that weird addiction and with his sadism/masochism . . ." She took in a deep breath.
"Yeah, Alice, everything is fine," I said. "I mean, sex is as great as it can get a seventeen years old." I shrugged.
"Are you in any danger of getting pregnant?" she asked. I shook my head.
"I don't think so. I mean, he pulled out . . ."
She looked at me, shocked that we'd had unprotected sex. "Isabella!"
"Wha-"
She didn't even let me finish my fucking word. "We're going to get you tested before anything happens. Can you imagine having a baby right now? Do you think you're ready for that kind of responsibility?" She practically yelled at me.
"No . . . I- please don't tell Jasper."
She sighed. "I won't. But you have to promise me that you guys are going to be serious about this," she said. She gave me that "look". I took in a breath.
"Yeah, yeah, I promise." But I couldn't control what we were doing when we were high and horny.
"Okay. Well, In the meantime, we should get you some sexy lingerie," she said.
"Okay." I was going to leave to look around, but she grabbed my arm.
"Uh-uh. Not here. We're going to my store to get the lingerie," she said.
I have a lot of her lingerie. Just nothing too racy. Never had the reason for it. But now, I was kind of excited.
Alice bought three black bras and a pair of one hundred and fifty dollar boots, and then we left the store. We went up to the second level of the mall, and walked down to her store. Denali Designs was amazing. She had bridal gowns on one side of the store and then casual outfits on the other. And it was formatted like a closet, with sofas and chairs and mirrors everywhere. Alice's clothes were expensive, but I couldn't help but buy anything I wanted when I walked into the store.
"Hi, welcome to Denali–Oh, shit, you're-you're-"
Alice cut off the sales girl, immediately. "Yes, I am. Where can I find the size small section?" Alice asked.
The salesgirl pointed to the back. Alice dragged me with her, and she handed me all kinds of things, and I tried all of them on, wishing that I would have shaved my vag before coming with her.
She bought everything, even though I would have thought that she would have just taken it all.
"That store needs profits. If it doesn't do well, I'll have to shut it down," she said. I nodded like I understood. When really I didn't. But it didn't matter.
I just wanted to see Edward again.
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And just so you know, the story is going to get a little bit intense from here on out, so just be prepared. Don't say I didn't warn you.