I'm back! And I wrote a more plot-centric, angsty fic, since while you guys enjoy shipping chapters, I'm sorta indifferent on the whole thing. I'm sorry if it's poorly written or you dislike it- I'm honestly so crunched for time right now I'm lucky I managed to get this out!
Levi surveyed the group of brats under his Command, forcing himself not to look grim, despite the circumstances.
They'd been meant to go on a three day-training excursion outside the walls, exploring territory that'd recently been surveyed and deemed titan free.
It'd gone to hell. They'd been pinned down within the remains of a small, barely walled-village going on five days. It was only luck that they hadn't encountered any titans tall enough to break down the fifteen meter wall, gas ran low, and they were surrounded on all sides.
They'd been put on starvation rations- and though Levi didn't say anything, the troop knew the circumstances were dire that evening.
As they huddled around the somewhat pitiful fire that night, rations were handed out. Everyone received a sip of water from a skin, and a small, maggot-filled piece of bread that was fuzzing with the beginnings of mold. What little supplies they'd had had been drenched in a thunderstorm the first evening, and was moldering.
No one complained. Levi watched the brat's reactions morosely- he was worried. It'd take the Corps approximately a day until they didn't return before they sent aid , and if the titans around were as thick as they were here on the route, they could be here for another three days. Three days they didn't have food for.
Everyone was hungry- Levi saw the proof of it when they simply picked the maggots out of their bread.
Some took it better than others- some scowled at the meal, but said nothing. There was the loud sound of chewing, then, and Levi looked across the fire, slightly shocked to see Jager tearing into his bread, not evening bothering to pick out the maggots.
Levi resisted the urge to gag and look away, and while nobody said anything, an air of discomfort settled over the campfire.
Eren didn't seem to notice, though. He continued to tear into his food without a care in the world- maggots and all. There was an almost animalistic look in his eyes, and Levi looked away, uncomfortable…
Eren finished off the last bits of the bread, sucking on his fingers and searching for any crumbs.
"You're fucking disgusting."
Everyone looked up, surprised, to see Jean leering over at Eren, nose wrinkled, a look of pure disgust on his face.
Before anyone could react, Eren had Jean pinned against the crumbling wall in the rubblefield that was their camp. He'd pulled a knife from somewhere, and he let the metal dance off Jean's cheek idly, not drawing blood, but letting the boy know it was there.
"Wanna say that again, Jean?" Eren breathed.
"Eren, what the hell!?" Jean yelled, looking alarmed, and suddenly very scared.
"Do it, Eren- I dare you! Gut him!" Ymir cheered from the sidelines.
"Eren!" Armin called out, voice anxious, wanting his friend to stop.
"Stop! Everybody just stop!" Christa's voice rose above the startled exclamations, her pale face standing out in the firelight. "Everyone's hungry, tempers are running short- let's just calm down…."
"You don't know what hungry is." Eren's voice was rough, as though he'd just gargled nails, and he didn't let go of Jean's shirt or pull his blade away from his face.
He grinned at Jean, who was looking frightened.
"Let me ask you something, Jean. Have you ever killed a stray dog, gutted it, and ate it?"
"N-no. Just let me go, Eren!" Jean's voice boarded on frantic.
Eren ignored Jean's plea, eyes searching every inch of the boy's face, before he continued.
"Have you ever sat in an alley, staring at a dead body, wondering whether or not you should eat it or sell it to the corpse merchants? Have you, Jean?" the firelight flickered off Eren, highlighting the unnerving stance the boy had.
"I wanted to eat him, Jean. I wanted to eat that dead man. We were starving- everyone was starving- I would've only gotten a few coins from the corpse merchants, hardly enough to buy a piece of stale bread- but his body, it had so much meat on it. I wanted it so badly, Jean."
Everyone, even Levi, was staring at Jager in horrified fascination, now, unable to move as they listened to the venomous words that came out of his mouth.
"I thought about what my mother would think of me, of her son- eating dead people." Eren's voice took on a more frantic intonation as he plowed onward. "We were so desperate though, there was no food- nothing. And I wondered what my mother would think, but then I realized it didn't matter, because she was dead."
Eren threw his head back and laughed at the last part, frantic, hiccuping laughter that made everyone freeze. He released his hold on Jean's shirt, more laughter bubbling past the boy's lips- cheeks flushed red, glassy eyes immune to the looks of horror on nearly everyone's face.
"Eren." Mikasa's voice didn't hold it's usual strength- she was looking up at Eren, pleading for him to come back to reason.
Armin had curled into a ball and was sobbing quietly into his knees, having flashbacks to their days on the streets.
"You bastards don't know what hungry is." Eren growled, before a combat boot collided with his face and he hit the ground in a heap.
"Eren!" Mikasa scrambled forward, voice taking on a frantic tone, her expression decidedly less schooled than usual.
"Akerman!" Levi's sharp voice startled her back to herself. "Relax. He's unconscious- I just knocked him out."
Mikasa nodded hesitantly, looking more like an uncertain little girl than a teenager, before she retreated back to sit closer to Armin, huddling around him quietly, looking more than uncomfortable to have their past brought to light in front of everyone like that.
Levi said nothing, dragging Jager's unconscious body over and patting the boy down, taking the rest of his knives off the boy before looking up.
Armin was still huddled up crying, while the rest of the 104th seemed to be either in shock on staring into the fire.
"Mikasa..." Christa spoke up quietly.
"Shut up. Everyone just... just shut up." Mikasa didn't look up from where she was huddled close to Armin, instead pulling her scarf up to hide her face. Hey eyes glistened as she stared off into the darkness, with unshed tears of shame and something unrecognizable.
"Everyone go to bed." Levi said, tone dull and unfeeling, as usual.
Still- he shot a glance over at the remaining two from Shingashina- Arlet seemed to have cried himself to sleep, and Akerman was blinking sleepily, curled up next to her blonde friend and looking close to sleep herself.
Levi looked over at Eren, who was beside him. He'd had an inkling the boy's past had been rough, but he'd never imagined Eren had been through that….
Still, there was nothing he could do for it, and with some difficulty, he laid down and fell asleep.
The hardest part was not being able to do much. Someone rekindled a small fire that morning, and the troop huddled around it, looking up at Levi with hollow eyes, waiting for direction.
Levi didn't have any orders for them except for to wait. The village had been abandoned for years, there was no food, and doing anything else would simply waste precious energy.
Eren wordlessly got up, gathering some of his knives in hand and nodding to Arlet, who'd stood as well, before they headed out towards some of the collapsed houses.
"What are they doing?" Reiner asked, looking after them, confused.
"Hunting. Armin can set snares, and Eren's good with a knife." Mikasa's glassy stare was far away as she spoke, her voice betraying no emotion.
The boys came back around noon, bearing a small stick of impaled rats with them.
Levi nodded to the boys calmly. "Skin them and cook them, and distribute them among your teammates."
Eren nodded, wordlessly setting to work, knife skillfully helping him remove the flesh from the creatures before he'd stabbed them, letting Armin cook them over the fire.
Four rats among eleven people didn't go far, but no one said anything as they split them up, picking the bodies clean of meat. No one complained, and as the Shiganshina trio set about digging into their own rodent, Eren looked up and scooted the bunch closer to Levi, nodding to the man.
Levi looked at Eren, cocking an eyebrow.
"You're the strongest out of all of us, Sir. We need you more than anyone." Eren said, handing Levi a bit of meat.
Levi said nothing, thanking the boy with his gaze before he took a bite.
All too soon the rats were picked clean. There was a small snapping sound of bones breaking, and the group looked up to find Eren had snapped the femur of the rat and hand put the bone to his lips, sucking out the marrow.
Armin and Mikasa were doing the same, and Levi realized it was a habit they'd had from the streets- making the most out of every meal.
Eren wordlessly handed Levi a bone, before turning back to getting the marrow out of his own.
Slowly, the silent camp was filled with the sound of snapping bones as the starving soldiers sucked the marrow out of the bones.
Finally, everything was quiet again as they sat in the rubble of the home they'd made their campsite, their hunger barely abated at all by the tiny meal.
"When do you think they'll come for us, Captain?" Jean asked, looking at Levi hopefully.
Levi shrugged. "They've realized something is wrong since we haven't returned. They've no doubt sent out aid…."
"So they could be here as soon as tonight?" Sasha asked, eyes alight with hope.
"Potentially, though I doubt it. If the titans on the route here are as thick as the ones outside these walls, we're in for a wait."
He watched the hope in their eyes dull, along with their alertness. Hunger and exposure was getting to everyone, and they were losing hope.
"What if Eren carried us?" Connie spoke up, looking hesitant. "I mean- if he went titan, and we were on his shoulders- couldn't he take us back?"
Eren had paled and was staring into the distance.
"No. Assuming Eren even could transform- the titans outside the wall would rip him apart. Not to mention we don't know which direction Eren's titan would run. And you're forgetting he's weak- we all are. We're not even sure how long he could maintain the titan."
"We can't just lay here and wait to die!" Jean exploded, frustrated.
"We're not- we're waiting on aid. At most, the corps will be two more days before they reach us. We can hold out."
"You keep saying that, but we can't! Christa's on the verge of fainting from hunger, water's running low, and we're eating fucking rats! We need to make a move before we're too weak to!"
"That's your opinion. Go ahead- make a move and get yourself killed, Kirstein. We'll bring your body back to your mother for you, assuming your teammates don't eat it first." Levi said calmly, voice daring the boy to make a move.
Jean looked around to see Christa on the verge of tears, Ymir huddled protectively around her, the entire troop looking up at him, concerned, and realized it- all they could do was wait.
He wordlessly sat back down, and the silence dragged on for precious minutes.
A chill wind blew- a reminder that, despite, the brief winter melt that'd cleared the snow- anything could happen.
The Shingashina trio remained huddled together, backs to the wind. Mikasa had let her hair down to keep her neck warm and removed her scarf, and they all had wrapped their hands in the red fabric.
The look of boredom on their faces, coupled with their comfort huddling together, let everyone in the squadron know that the three had face cold, hungry nights before, though no one spoke of it.
Eren and Armin stood at some point, bringing back a few more rats as they materialized from the falling darkness.
Three rats did nothing to sate the hunger that'd been kindling slowly like a fire for three days- in fact, it left them seeming more empty than before- only a bite or two of food to tide them over seemed more like a cruel taunt than a method of survival.
Sasha cried at some point, sobbing into Connie's shoulder.
Levi pitied the girl- he pitied all of them, to be honest. Even when he'd been on the streets, he'd never gone for days without food. At least, not since he'd turned five and learned to steal.
Eren looked over at the crying girl, expression nearly unreadable, before he turned back to Armin and Mikasa.
Nobody had spoken since morning- even the airy whispers from the Shingashina trio were inaudible to all but them, but as weakness and vertigo set in and the gnawing of hunger became unbearable, they were all beginning to realize their fate.
"C-Captain. They'll come for us soon, won't they?" Christa asked, voice wavering, tears running down her face. Everyone looked up at Levi except for the Shingashina three, dull eyes flickering with hope.
Levi couldn't bring himself to tell the girl the prognosis, so he nodded "They'll come."
"I-I h-h-hope they come soon…." Sasha said, voice barely above a whisper.
"Don't waste your breath." Eren said calmly, staring at the ground. "They'll come. Just go to sleep…."
"We can't fucking sleep! It hurts, dammit…." Ymir snapped.
"That's good. Once you stop feeling the hunger pains, then you're fucked. Stop wasting your energy." Mikasa looked over at them, dark eyes not exactly pitying them, but less intense than usual.
"Not all of us were street rats like you, you know." Reiner growled, voice low.
Mikasa's jaw clenched, but Eren laughed. "Betcha you'll die first, asshole. We might not be the most privileged of people- but who's been catching the rats you've been eating?"
Reiner mumbled some choice words, before, one by one, the group fell into an exhausted sleep.
Levi ignored the way the brats woke up in the night, some crying, some whimpering from hunger pains. He tried to, anyways.
He could feel the very same hunger tearing at his insides- a sensation wasn't unfamiliar, but one that wasn't welcomed.
He looked to his left, finding Jager laying on his side, glassy eyes staring at the dirt numbly.
The boy could feel Levi staring at him, though, and he looked up to meet the Captain's silver eyes, no emotion on his face.
Eren had felt it all before, Levi realized, when he saw the boy's fingers twitch and his jaw clench slightly as a vicious wave of hunger moved through him. Within two seconds, any trace of expression on the boy's face was gone, replaced with that blank, unnerving look.
Yes, Eren had done it all before. Still, the boy had put his faith in Levi, that much was clear when he nodded to Levi seriously, before his eyes fell closed and he curled up a little tighter, cloak doing the best it could to fend off the cold wind.
Their seventh day outside the walls was, to say the least, hell.
Most of the cadets had given up hope or were too weak to stand- some cried, some prayed, and some simply curled up, accepting whatever fate had to offer them.
At some point, Eren and Armin got up, returning with two dead rats and a re-filled water skin. Eren's hands were shaking too badly to rekindle the fire and cook the meat, so Mikasa did it.
Still, it was barely a small bite each when divided up among everyone, and many simply laid back down again when they were done eating, devoid of all hope.
"It takes longer than three days to starve." Armin piped up hoarsely. "W-we've gone five on absolutely nothing…."
Levi closed his eyes, not wanting to hear the information. While it was oddly comforting, he didn't find any comfort in knowing what the cadets had suffered as children.
There was the muffled sound of weeping, as Cadets lost what little faith they'd had, and waited for either unconsciousness or the titans to take them. Whichever came first.
It was just before dusk when Eren squinted up at the sky, staring. "Armin. D-do you see that?"
Armin nodded, pale face growing frantic. "Smoke. A flare! Someone get me a flare!"
Mikasa crawled over to her bag, tossing Armin a round. The blonde fumbled with his flare gun, the metal clanking as he fumbled with shaking hands, before he raised it in the air, firing off the round….
Within half an hour, the pounding of horse's hooves could be heard, and Eren fumbled to load another round into the gun and fire it off.
"Up- everyone who wants to get out of here alive, get on your fucking feet! They need to see where we are!" Eren barked.
Everyone moved to stand- Ymir was supporting Christa, Connie and Sasha both wobbling together, while Eren offered Levi a hand up.
"They brought wagons…." Sasha spoke up, awestruck at the notion of food. Some were crying, some hugging, others looking up at the sky with grateful expressions on their faces.
Erwin dismounted his horse, striding over to the group. The squadron looked, for lack of a better world, like hell. Gaunt, haggard faces, pale skin smeared with dirt, they looked up at the Commander like awestruck children, some with barely enough strength to stand...
Erwin strode over to Levi, placing a hand on the man's shoulder. Levi, despite his own weakness, forced himself to walk beside the Commander. He'd give his report and be given rations and allowed to rest for a bit afterwards, he had no doubt.
"How did you last this long?" Erwin asked, looking both surprised and amazed.
"We managed." Levi said hoarsely, looking at his Commander with heavy circles beneath his eyes. "Though they were starting to loose hope. We wouldn't have lasted another two days."
Erwin nodded, looking over to the wagons. Sasha was crying over a loaf of bread- normally, it would've been humorous, but this time, it was just heartbreaking. Several other cadets were sniffing and scrubbing at their eyes as they looked down at the rations they'd been given, and Ymir was trying to force Christa to eat both their portions, arguing the petite blonde needed it more.
"How did the cadets handle it?" Erwin asked, wondering if the training gone t hell would have any long-term effects.
"They struggled. Everyone accept Jager, Akerman, and Arlet were fine. We found out on the fifth night in that they'd endured starvation before. They ate the maggots that were in the bread... Jager had an episode of sorts... Apparently they were on the streets during the famine- they've come close to starving before."
Erwin looked over to see the Shingashina trio sitting a fair distance away from the others, rations in hand. They had a mug of broth set before them, and they took turns dunking the hard bread into it and tearing off chunks. They each had a far-off look in their eyes, as though they weren't all there, though occasionally, they'd lock eyes with one another and smiled.
Despite their hunger, they took slow, measured bites- they knew from experience that if they ate too quickly, they'd vomit.
"Those three have been through hell." Levi said by way of explanation.
"Eren and Armin were trapping rats in the rubble and cooking them for us. It's probably what got us this far to be honest."
Erwin nodded, still looking at the three, concerned.
"I wouldn't bring it up, if I were you- Arlet cries whenever you do, and it even rattles Akerman, while JAger goes on a rampage of sorts..." Levi advised.
Erwin sighed, running a hand through his blonde locks. "Those kids have been through so much..." he stated lamely, looking at them with a mixture of amazement and unease.
"Erwin- they stopped being children a long time ago."
Erwin looked over at the three, watching them chew measured bites, sitting close to one another and watching the scene around them as they did so, watching one another's backs. And he realized that any childhood these three had had had ended years ago.
That simple fact just might make or break all three of them.
Please review! You guyes keep me going! :)