Well, here it is ya'll. The final chapter. Hope it meets expectations. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews!
This takes place before Clemente's meltdown and prior to Gallant's death.
Just when Abby was absolutely certain that chivalry was dead and it would take nothing less than King Arthur himself to get her a seat on the EL, a young man, a cell phone to his ear, a briefcase in his lap, scampered to his feet and motioned for her to sit down. She nodded gratefully and sighed heavily as she sat down. It was mid-morning, her shift hadn't even started yet and already she was tired. She could feel the tension in her lower back and the beginning of a headache. Closing her eyes, she tried not to think about the long day ahead of her. She hated to admit it but maternity leaving was actually sounding rather appealing at the moment.
She gingerly made her way down the steps and headed towards the ambulance bay. It was an especially warm spring and the humidity in the air made the atmosphere feel slow and sluggish which was a big contrast to what she found upon stepping through the sliding glass doors. There was an infectious excitement in the air. Laughter.
"Morning Jerry." She smiled at the loveable lug of a man, manning the phones.
"Abby, just in time." He grinned, holding up an ethnic wooden flute.
"Carter's in the lounge." He informed her excitedly, motioning to where she could see a cluster of nurses through the lounge window.
"Alright, that's enough. Back to work!" Kerry groused, ushering the swooning nurses out of the lounge.
"There's an MVA coming in." She announced. Since her surgery, Kerry had taken to hovering around the ER at rather inconvenient times.
"Morning Abby." She nodded pleasantly as Abby waited for the last of the nurses to file out. She nodded graciously and after a moment's pause, walked through the doors. Hunched over a dark duffel bag, he didn't notice her come in. Slowly, she walked to her locker.
"Hey stranger." He heard a familiar voice and his head snapped up. There she was, her arms crossed in front of her, her hair, longer and darker now, falling loosely around her shoulders, a warm smile on her face.
"Hey you!" He grinned excitedly and leaping to his feet, pulled her in for a big hug. He held her tight, breathing in her scent. She felt so familiar in his arms. It was great to be home. Pulling away, slowly, they gazed at each other, soaking in the differences in their respective appearances. His hair was shorter, Abby noticed. His skin, tan. He felt less gangly, more muscular but most of all, he seemed relaxed: at ease.
"Wow." He breathed, the familiar smirk, splaying across his face as he stepped back to take her in.
"You look great." He exclaimed truthfully. She did. Her face was slightly fuller, less gaunt, and her cheeks were full of color. Forever tiny, at least she wasn't waiflike. She had put on some much needed weight, her arms, her bust ... and of course the tell-tale sign: her belly. Firm and round, he had felt it pressed against him when he hugged her. Strange. He had never been able to imagine Abby pregnant ... yet there she was, buxom and brimming with a beautiful, becoming glow.
"Thanks." She rolled her eyes, casually brushing off the compliment.
"You too." She replied.
"I didn't ... know you were coming." She stammered after a slight pause.
"Me either." He grinned and raked a hand over his nearly non-existant hair.
"But uh, I really need to secure some shipments ... and there's a little foundation business I need to take care of before September ... so the timing worked out." He explained as she put her things away in her locker and pulled out her coat and stethoscope.
"Well, it's nice to see you again." She turned around to face him as she wrapped her stethoscope around her neck.
"How long are you staying?" She asked, adjusting her coat.
"A couple weeks." He smiled, sitting back down.
"Oh, cool." She responded flatly.
"Yeah ... we should get some coffee or something." He offered, smiling.
"I'd like that." She nodded, honestly.
"Well ... uh, I have to get to work but um, it's great to have you back, Carter. I'll catch you later." She nodded and exited the lounge. Wow.
They walked silently across the street. The awkwardness settling in the air like a thick dust cloud.
"Did you get the birthday card?" Finally, he'd spoken. She looked up at him and nodded. Her lips pursed together.
"Yeah."
"Thirty-eight?" He asked, knowing perfectly well, that wasn't it.
"Thirty-seven." She corrected him then noticed the slight smirk on his face.
"Jerk." She half glared at him. He grinned. More silence.
"How long have you been back?" She asked.
"Two days."
"For how long?" She wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer.
"A few weeks." She nodded.
"Oh that's right ..." She had spaced.
"I'm just picking up supplies … and stuff."
"Yeah .." She half murmured.
"So how's everybody?" Small talk. Why could they only make small talk?
"Good." She nodded her head, a bit too vehemently.
"Neela and Gallant got married." She informed him.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"It's about time. Good for them." And then the silence again. This would not do.
"What about you?" He asked.
"I'm not married." He chuckled. He missed that: her dry humor. She half-smiled at him in return.
"How are you doing?" He asked, pointedly.
"Fine." She replied.
"Fine?" What was with the monosyllable responses?
"Yeah, I'm good."
"So which one is it? Good or fine?"
"Both." She grinned slightly. There was a slight warmth beginning to return to her eyes now.
"I'm trying to get Luka to come back with me." Her eyes snapped up at his. A jolt of fear coursed through her body. "But he's Chief of Staff now …" He continued. She breathed out a small sigh of relief.
"And Morris is Chief Resident?" He asked amused.
"Yep." She responded, shaking her head at the thought.
"Wow." He mused faintly. "So much has changed." He had no idea.
He toyed with the napkin once more and sipped at his drink. She swirled the salt with her index finger. Neither knowing what more to say. So much had been spoken between them and so much had been left unsaid. Unsure, they chose to remain silent.
"Be right back." She spoke suddenly and scooted out of her seat. "Bathroom." He nodded and she walked towards the back of the bar. Sighing, he raked his hands through his hair. What was he to do? What could he say? He sat pondering it all, waiting for her return, hoping he would have the courage to finally speak the truth. So consumed was he by his thoughts that he didn't even notice her return.
"Yum." She smiled noticing that her food had come. He sat, nearly oblivious to her reappearance, he was so lost in his thoughts.
"Carter?" She asked once again and he was jostled from his reverie.
"You okay …?" She asked, concern lacing her face. He nodded, unconvincingly.
"How's Kem?" She asked once more. He hadn't seemed to have heard her the first time. That was all it took. Just her name and he plummeted back to reality. Trying to play it cool, he merely shrugged. His eyes met hers and he saw the question lingering there.
"We … we're married actually." His eyes locked with hers. Understanding, she nodded and took a bite of her salad.
"Congratulations. I'm happy for you." She muttered and to her surprise she found she really was.
"Hmm." He murmured. "How are you and … Luka" He asked trying not to pry but needing to know.
"Fine. He's Chief of Staff, so busy, but fine." She replied trying to keep it light.
"Whatever happened to that kid ... Jarod?" Carter smirked, teasingly.
"Jake." She corrected knowingly.
"He's in California." She continued.
"Oh. Too bad. I liked him." Carter grinned.
"Yeah. Right." She replied. They shared a small laugh and then the silence fell upon them once again. She continued to eat. After a few more bites of her salad she paused. She could feel his eyes on her. She shivered slightly. Uncomfortable. Looking up, she caught his eye.
"What?" She asked the discomfort increasing. His gaze left her feeling naked. He simply shook his head and looked down at his straw. She remained still, unsure, her fork balanced slightly in her hand. Even her jaw had stopped moving. She was just about to return to her food when he spoke.
"So, when are you due?" She nearly choked on her salad. His question rang in her ears. Clean and crisp. Just a flat out question. She took a moment to swallow her salad, which suddenly seemed made of rubber. It didn't help that her throat felt the size of an infant NG tube. She didn't understand why it suddenly made her uncomfortable to talk about. It's not as though it was a secret. It was pretty public knowledge. All one had to do was take a look at her belly to know but somehow, for some ridiculous, unknown reason it felt uncouth to speak about it with him. Of all people.
"July 22nd." She spoke, looking him straight in the eye, though the look on his face afterwards made her wish she hadn't and yet she simply couldn't look away. He swallowed, nodded and looked down. He hadn't prepared himself for this feeling of hurt and emptiness. It was all-encompassing. It didn't occur to him until later that this must have been what Abby had felt upon hearing about him and Kem.
"Carter …" She spoke, sympathetically. He hated that voice. It was the same voice that people used whenever they found out about Bobby or Joshua.
"No, it's okay. It's okay." He spoke rapidly, looking her in the eye, trying to make it believable.
"Congratulations." He spoke, very careful not to let his voice waver. "To you and … Luka." She breathed in. This was harder than she thought it would be.
"Thanks." There she said it. The air was heavy with anticipation. She studied his face carefully, trying to decipher his expression.
"It's about time." He joked and took a bite of his food. She froze, stunned. Abby felt the anger build up inside her. How did he dare to respond that way? It was beyond insensitive. It was cruel.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Her voice was icy and flat. His eyes snapped up, meeting hers. He immediately regretted his response. She was livid. An angry fire was flickering in her eyes … and then, suddenly, the regret washed away. Stone-faced he looked at her once more.
"Just, figures is all." He shrugged. She shook her head in fury.
"God, you are such an asshole." She muttered angrily under her breath as she stood up and walked away. Though soft and furious, the comment had been laced with disappointment. A disappointment that Carter felt himself mirroring. He sighed, angry with himself for having behaved in that manner. She was right.
"Shit." Abby muttered to herself as she walked out of Ike's. She had left her bag sitting in the booth. She pulled her coat tighter around herself despite the warm evening and tried to summon some courage and what was left of her pride to go back in. She breathed out, her breathe reminding her how much she missed smoking. She paced back and forth for a few steps before she finally turned around only to see Carter opening the door, holding her bag.
They stood, feet away from each other, staring each other down. Each one, hurt and angry. Matador and bull, just waiting for the match to begin.
Almost like a peace offering, he held the bag out to her. She glared at him, hesitantly and slowly, took a step, and reached for it.
As soon as it was out of his hands, he spoke.
"Look, I shouldn't have said that. It was uncalled for." He was gazing at her with those puppy-dog eyes.
"Whatever, Carter." She began to turn on her heel. She just needed to go home.
"Abby." The voice that came from behind her sounded more like a child's than that of a grown man. Pausing, she waited. Waited for him to continue.
"Look, if you're happy, then I'm happy for you." She whirled around, the anger resurfacing once more.
"Why wouldn't I be happy?" She spat, accusingly.
"I …" He hadn't foreseen this reaction. "Forget it." He sighed.
"What Carter?" Her voice enunciating ever syllable venomously.
"I …I just didn't think you wanted kids that's all." He shrugged his shoulders. That was the truth.
"I didn't." She concurred.
"But now you do?"
"Now I do." Her face, elicited determination. He paused for a few moments letting it all sink in.
"Now that you're with Luka." She gaped at him, in shock. This was not happening. Not again.
"That has nothing to do with it!" She cried angrily.
"Doesn't it?"
"No!" She was furious now. "This isn't about you!" They stared each other down. Each furious. She lowered her voice and continued.
"This is about me, and Luka and the baby. You were never a factor." That stung him like a vicious slap in the face.
"Well … you've made that abundantly clear …"
"No, Carter! You made it clear. 'You don't need me Abby …Don't wait for me.' Or don't you remember that?" Dear god. The letter. Carter couldn't breathe. He felt like the wind had just been knocked out of him.
"You were right, Carter. I don't need you. I never did."He stood, motionless, trapped in a vortex of pain.
"I'm sorry." There. He had said it. She closed her eyes and then she felt him right behind her. Gently he put a hand on her elbow and turned her around to face him. Looking up into those brown eyes of his, she felt lost once again. They stood, eyes locked, time suspended in a matrix-like hold until finally, logic returned to Abby's mind.
"I have to head back." She muttered blankly.
"Do you need a ride?"
"No, I'm going to wait until Luka gets off."
"Oh ... are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Okay." She turned. She wanted to hide in the on call room.
"Abby ... I really am sorry." He muttered lamely as she took her first steps. She paused yet again, the fury that had dissipated quickly culminating again.
"Sorry for what?" She turned and glared accusingly. He stared blankly, shocked at her agression.
"For what Carter? You keep apologizing and I don't know what for." She demanded softly, daring him with her eyes. He was trapped. What could he say? 'For everything' just didn't seem appropriate. She sighed. Lowered her eyes. And with a finale glance walked away.
Luka was surprised, but not at all displeased to find her sleeping completely nude, curled horizontally on the bed, hugging a pillow. Her dark hair splayed over the comforter and across her shoulder. Her bottom lip, full and moist. Her breathing soft and even.
After readying himself for bed as quietly as he could, he stood over her, contemplating the best way to move her without waking her up but she began to stir before he could decide.
"Luka?" She murmured, her voice hoarse with sleep.
"Shh. It's okay. Go back to sleep." He murmured as he helped her underneath the covers.
"What time is it?" She asked, her eyes squinting at the clock.
"Are you just now getting home?" She asked rubbing her eyes.
"Yeah. We had an MVA come in just as I was about to leave." He explained and pulled her close to him reassuring him. She rested her head on his chest, snuggling into the crook of his arm.
"I was waiting up for you."
"What for?" He asked, smiling.
"I missed you." She murmured. He smiled to himself, and absently caressed her soft skin.
"You know what I missed most?" She continued.
"What?" He humored her.
"This." She sighed.
"Snuggling?" He asked.
"No ... well that too. I mean being." He chuckled.
"Being?"
"Yeah. Just being. Together. Or apart. But you let me be. Be myself and I appreciate that ... a lot."
"Okay."
"Thank you for not trying to change me."
"I don't want to change you."
"I know. Thank you."
Silence. A pause. He was amazed at how much she had just opened up to him. He wanted to ask what had brought this on be he thought he knew why anyway. He felt her body relax against him. The silence thick and comfortable, enveloping them in its warmth.
"Luka?" She asked. Her voice low and sleepy.
"Hmm?" He asked, still caressing her arm and shoulder.
"Do you really believe that everything happens for a reason?"
She thought, that maybe he hadn't heard, he was silent for so long.
"Yes." He murmured.
"We're here, together, right now, despite of and because of many good and bad things ... I have no regrets." He finished.
"None?" She seemed surprised.
"None."
"I do." She barely whispered.
"Do you think we'd be here right now if we hadn't broken up the way we did?
"Wow ... heh. I don't know." He sighed.
"Maybe not." He added.
"I'm sorry that we hurt each other, Abby. And for a while I was sorry we broke up, but looking back now, I think it was for the best. We both needed to grow and learn and be ... and being together wasn't helping us do that. And it's a good thing we did otherwise we wouldn't have gotten this second chance ... and it's a pretty great chance we got."
"It is isn't?"
"Oh yes."
Well, that's all folks. Sorry if it's disappointing but with the premiere in less than a week I thought it was best to put this thing out of its misery. Thank you all for your wonderful support. I really appreciate it.