Disclaimer: I do not own AHS
A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys! Please enjoy the new chapter.
THE GREAT GOLDEN CHILD
CH 12- What You Left Behind in Boston
BOSTON
The city sounds hit Jude almost instantly when she got off the bus. It was almost two in the morning and Jude had already regretted her decision. She hadn't even been gone a day but she already missed her child. She shouldn't have left her but she had to see Timothy Howard. She had to put the past to rest.
Jude walked through the bus station, breathing in the Boston air. She almost suffocated under the city she once adored. She had grown so used to the peace and tranquility of Salem that the fast hustle and bustle of the city set her off. She wanted to go back on that bus and return home but the desire for peace drove her forward.
She stepped out of the bus station in to the street where a line of people stood hailing cabs. Jude stood in line to wait for her turn. She looked up at the sky illuminated by the city lights and she couldn't believe she was about to see the man who had left her behind in such a large city, to remain forever lost.
Jude reached in to the pocket of her coat and brought out a photograph of herself and Lux. She smiled longingly at it. Jude remembered when she first laid eyes upon the child. She had fallen in love with her right away for they both had been abandoned by people who they thought loved them or were supposed to love them. However, that no longer mattered. They had one another now.
Jude placed the photograph back in to her pocket and hugged herself, shivering in the cold Boston night. Finally, when it was her turn, she stepped in to a cab and gave the driver directions to the convent where she would be staying. Mother Claudia had offered her room and board with the rest of the Sisters and Jude was more then thankful to have a roof over her head. She didn't plan to stay long but she was glad she would be somewhere familiar.
So Jude looked out the window as the cab drove her past the city and out to the outskirts where the convent stood proudly and she wondered how her encounter with Timothy would go. After all, they hadn't seen each other in many years.
SALEM
Lana was up bright and early the following morning. She hadn't been able to sleep the entire night. At some point she had heard voices outside but when she finally got up to see who it was, she only saw Kit exiting Julia's room. Lana retired back to her room and sat down on the bed. She turned on the light and brought out the folder of her child's records. She pulled out the black and white photograph of the newborn baby and studied it for what must had been the hundredth time.
Lana thought a lot about what she was going to do if she ever found her. She wasn't at St. Ursula's. A part of Lana was terrified of the possibility of finding her there. What would she have done if she saw the child in such filthy conditions? Would she have taken her home or would she have left her there, wondering whom that strange woman was? In a way, Lana was glad it hadn't come to that. She wouldn't have been able to live with herself knowing that her daughter was living in poverty and misery.
"Where could you be?" She asked the little baby in the photograph. "Somewhere safe and warm, I hope."
Lana placed the photo back and once again rummaged through her papers hoping to find something she had missed. She had given her friend a copy of every single thing in the folder and wondered if he had found anything on the little girl. Lana would just have to wait and find out.
Lana poured herself some tea and walked to the kitchen door where she over looked the backyard. Salem was really peaceful in the mornings. It was quite a different change from New York. She took a drink from her tea and rubbed her arm with her free hand, nuzzling herself in her sweater.
Lana did not notice when little Lux wandered in to the kitchen, rubbing her sleepy eyes. She made her way to Lana, yawning as she wrapped her arms around her and nuzzled her face in her sweater. "Mama, where did you go?" She asked in a drowsy voice not realizing that the person she was hugging was not Jude.
Lana jumped at her touch and looked down utterly surprised. For a moment she thought it was Thomas or Julia but it wasn't.
Lux opened her eyes and looked up at Lana. She woke up fully and took a quick step back when she saw that the woman before her was not her mother. Panic filled her big doe eyes as she saw the woman from the church standing before her instead. Lana was just as surprised to see the little girl from the day before. For a moment she had thought she was dreaming. However, what surprised her more then Lux's presence, was her question. The child had accidentally called her Mama. Something deep within Lana stirred.
"Uh, ummm…" Lux stuttered nervously as she fumbled backwards again.
"There ya are." Kit's voice broke the eye contact between Lana and Lux. The two looked up at Kit.
Lux quickly ran in to his arms. Kit picked her up and sat her on his hip. "Hey you, how'd ya sleep?"
"I woke up and my Mama was gone." Lux said looking nervously at Lana.
Kit looked at Lana who pressed her lips in a soft smile. He looked back to Lux. "She went to Boston, don't ya remember? But don't ya worry, she'll be back before ya know it."
Lux nodded believing him. She then looked over at Lana shyly and still embarrassed from hugging her and calling her Mama.
Lana put on a smile. "My, whose this pretty little girl?"
"This." Kit said stepping closer, "Is Lux." He looked to Lux, "Luxie, this is Lana. She's family."
"Family?" Lux asked looking at Kit.
"Ahuh."
"Well, its nice to officially meet you, Lux." Lana said referring to their brief encounter at the church playground. She stuck out her hand.
Lux looked at Lana and then at her hand. "Hi." She said and bit her bottom lip and smiled in a shy manner. She then shook Lana's hand. Lana smiled at the child's soft touch.
Kit tilted his head as the two shook hands and pull away. There was something about them that just stood out. However, he couldn't pin point what it was. It was something about the way they smiled but he didn't know why or how.
"Lux's Mom had to go to Boston on an emergency." Kit said as he walked to the table and sat Lux down on a chair. "So she left her with me to watch over her while she's gone."
"Well, that's very kind of you, Kit." Lana said not being able to take her eyes off of the girl.
There was just something about the child that screamed at her. Lana felt as if she knew her but that couldn't be. Lana took a seat across from her. Lux looked down to the table and would often steal shy glances at Lana. She would bite her bottom lip and smile shyly.
"Lux and her Mama are also like family." Kit said as he reached in to the fridge for ingredients to make breakfast. He wanted nothing more then to tell Lana that Jude was Kit's mother but it wasn't the right time to do so. At least not in front of Lux.
"Is that so?" Lana smiled at Lux.
"So." Lux answered as Kit set a glass of orange juice in front of her.
Lana chuckled softly at the girl's response. She liked her already.
BOSTON
As soon as Jude's head hit the pillow of the convent bed, she fell right to sleep. She had been exhausted and the thought of Timothy wavered in the back of her mind. For a moment, Jude felt as if she had never left the convent in the first place. Laying in that semi hard bed filled her with so many memories and so much nostalgia that it made her head spin. She almost felt the way she did when she first arrived: at peace.
She sighed and closed her eyes, letting herself drift in to a dreamless slumber.
Bright and early the following morning, one of the younger nuns had been sent to wake Jude up. She knocked repeatedly on the door.
Jude stirred, half asleep. "Coming, Goose." She called out in a slurred voice. The knocking continued, "By God, Lux, child, what is it?"
She sat up just as the door opened and young Sister Anne Marie walked in to the room. "Good morning, Sis-" She was about to call her Sister since she had been told that Jude herself had been part of the convent before but renounced her vows years prior.
Jude looked at her rather confused for a moment. She had forgotten she was at the convent and thought she was still at home with an impatient Lux knocking on her door to wake her. Jude almost felt rather silly. "Jude." She said, "Just…Jude."
Sister Anne Marie composed herself and smiled. "Mother Superior is ready to see you now."
Jude sat up, her back aching from the hard bed. "I'll be in her office shortly. Thank you."
Anne Marie nodded with a grin and twitted away like a little bird. Jude watched her go and closed the door behind her. Sister Anne Marie was so young and so innocent, much like a young nun Jude held close to her heart and in her memory.
Jude got up and entered the small bathroom joint to her small room. She showered and got dressed. It was barely six in the morning. She had forgotten how early the nuns got up every morning. Lux would sleep past noon if Jude let her. However, when she was a toddler she would be up since five in the morning tugging on Jude to wake up as well.
Jude made her way through the convent. She saw many familiar faces and new ones as well. The convent was so quiet. Jude had almost forgotten the silence for in the past six years her life had been filled with nothing but child's laughter. She had been thankful for that.
Jude arrived at Mother Claudia's office and knocked on the door.
"Come in, Jude." She said already expecting her.
Jude stepped in and closed the door behind her shut.
Mother Claudia smiled when she saw Jude and got up from her desk. The two women embraced each other in a tight hug. "How have you been, Jude?"
"Wonderful." Jude answered with the truth. Even though Timothy's letter had set her off, Jude had been living a wonderful life in Salem with her daughter and the Walkers.
"Good. And how is little Lux?" Mother asked as she returned to her seat.
Jude sat down across from her. "She's great. Simply wonderful as well."
"I'm glad." She said and reached to a portrait on her desk, grabbing a hold of a loose photograph that rested against it. "I received the last photograph you sent of her. She's growing rapidly and my, is she beautiful." She handed the photo to Jude.
The last time Jude had written to Mother Claudia, she had sent her a photo of Lux she had taken on her first day of first grade. Jude liked to keep Mother Claudia updated, alas, she was the one who had informed Jude of the child Lana Winters had given up in the first place. Mother Claudia had also been the one to help Jude adopt her out of St. Ursula's. She had spoken to the mother in charge and persuaded her to keep the adoption a secret. It was best that way.
Jude smiled at the photograph, remembering the one she kept in the pocket of her coat. "This photograph is only months old but I feel like she's grown since then."
"I'm sure she has." Mother Claudia said with a warm smile as Jude handed her back the photo. "Now, where did you leave our little angel?"
"With good and capable hands." Jude answered, "I left her with Kit Walker."
"He's a good young man." Mother Claudia said.
Jude nodded in agreement.
Mother Claudia set her eyes on Jude and smiled softly. "However, I doubt you came here for small talk."
Jude grew nervous. "Is he?"
"He's waiting for you in the garden."
Jude nodded again. "I suppose I should get this over with." She stood. Mother Claudia did as well.
"Please have me in your prayers, Mother." Jude said, her voice almost breaking.
Mother Claudia took her hands. "I always do, Jude. Now go, find your peace. I will be here if you need me." She gave Jude a soft squeeze of the hand and released her.
Jude walked out of Mother Claudia's office and forced herself towards the garden. The nuns that roamed the garden had cleared. The garden was vast, spreading out until Jude could barely see the tall brick walls that protected the convent. However the walls lay hidden by vines that clung to them covering them in honeysuckle and Virginia vines. There were endless bushes of flowers and tall cherry trees. The greenery was spectacular and the flowers were gorgeous. Jude could hear the birds singing as she approached a resting bench and smiled. It almost felt like paradise.
"Hello, Jude." His voice snatched her from paradise and Jude turned around to see Timothy Howard standing before her. He looked the same if not just a bit older, dressed in his clerical clothing. Jude didn't know why but she almost imagined him in a brilliant red Cardinal vestment. But no, he dressed as he always did. In a way, he looked as the old Timothy Howard she once knew so many years ago before he handed her over to Mary Eunice and Dr. Arden.
Jude remembered the cruel betrayal and she felt the pain shoot through her heart. Her wounds were as if they had just been inflected yesterday. She lifted her head high, looked Timothy straight in the eyes and without breaking, she spoke, "Hello, Timothy."
Timothy smiled as his eyes marveled over Jude. He couldn't believe how well she looked and not to mention how beautiful. She looked much younger in normal clothing then she did in a nun's habit. Her golden blond hair was pinned up, loose strands hung in waves and curls on the sides of her face. She was utterly lovely and aging like fine wine. It was something that Timothy could not deny; her beauty had never escaped her. Not even when she was nothing but a number.
Without thinking, Timothy took a few steps towards Jude and pulled her in to his arms. Jude froze instantly at his sudden actions, her hands pressing against his chest as he embraced her. "It's been so long." He said. Jude could almost hear the sadness in his voice but did not want to fool herself.
She pushed away, uncomfortable with his closeness. Timothy grew nervous and apologized. Jude only nodded. "Please," He said eagerly, "Have a seat." And motioned Jude to the bench under the canopy of vines and honeysuckle.
Jude didn't protest and took a seat on the corner of the bench as far away as possible from Timothy. Timothy sat at the other end and faced her. He smiled at her as if he had never done anything wrong. Jude averted her eyes, fearing that if she looked at him she would scream at him or blurt out forgiveness. She didn't know which. So she kept her eyes away for safety.
"How have you been, Jude?" He asked in a calm voice.
Jude sat straight and confident. "I've been very well." She said, a soft smile brushed her lips and she turned to look at Timothy, forgetting the coldness and the fear, "I have been more then well."
Timothy smiled sadly. "Are you happy?"
Jude almost wanted to laugh. She looked at the garden before them. "Yes, I am. I'm living the life I always wanted." She said honestly.
Timothy never broke his gaze from her. "I'm happy for you. I really am. Mother Claudia informed me that you live in Salem with your…your daughter. Is this correct?"
Jude met his gaze. She nodded once. "It is." It was then he broke his glance and looked down. Jude reached in to the pocket of her coat and brought out the photograph of she and Lux. She handed it to Timothy.
Timothy took it and smiled as he saw the beautiful child in the photograph, happy and smiling with Jude's arms around her protectively. He looked at Jude's smile in the photograph. Not only did her happiness shone from her smile but from her eyes as well. "She's beautiful." He spoke. "What's her name?"
"Lux. Her name is Lux."
"Dixitque Deus fiat lux et facta est lux." He spoke the Latin words, "And said God: let there be light and there was light."
This brought a smile to Jude's face. "She is the light that blinds my darkness." Jude said taking the photograph back in to her hands. She had given the child the Latin name for light because that is what she was. She had brought light in to Jude's life when she found herself in utter darkness.
"She's very beautiful." Timothy admitted, "She must look like her father." He said referring to the fact that the child did not have Jude's blond hair.
"She has her moments." Jude admitted. After all, Lux was stubborn and tenacious like the doctor. She also had his eyes.
Timothy looked down. "So you married." He didn't know why he sounded as disappointed as he did.
"No." Jude answered honestly.
Timothy's eyes shot to her. "You conceived a child out of-"
Jude chuckled. "Me? Conceive a child? No, Timothy. You are mistaken." She looked at the photograph, "I am not Lux's biological mother but I love her as if I were. I adopted her when she was merely days old. You see, very much like me, she was also abandoned." She looked to Timothy, "She was left behind by someone who was supposed to love her…"
Timothy felt the guilt instantly eat him alive. It gnawed at him day and night. "I am so sorry, Jude."
Jude was a bit taken back by his sudden direction but did not interrupt him.
"It took me many years to realize that what I had done to you was wrong. I was blinded by my own selfish desires that I let you crumble in to nothing. I let you wallow in that dirty cell in that dirty place without so much as remorse. I know I took you out like I promised but that was not enough to appease my wrong doing. I left you, Jude…I abandoned you in this city all alone and for that I am very sorry." He faced her, taking her hand in his.
Jude looked in to Timothy's eyes. She saw no lies; no malice, only remorse, honesty and the war brewing inside of him that would not let him live. Jude no longer wished bad against him; on the contrary, she hoped he lived a happy life just like she did.
Jude sighed and pulled her hand away. Timothy instantly felt the loss and the cold that replaced her warm touch in his. Panic began to fill him. He averted his eyes when he felt her warm touch place itself upon his hand. He looked up instantly to meet her eyes.
"I forgive ya, Timothy." She said with honesty in her brown eyes, "Ya deserve to live happily just as I am doing." She squeezed his hand softly, "The past is where it belongs…in the past."
Timothy felt himself smiling as tears swelled his eyes. He grabbed Jude's hands and brought them to his lips, kissing them. "Thank you, Jude. Thank you so much. Your forgiveness, it means the world to me."
"I hold no resentment for ya, non what so ever." Deep down in her heart, Jude knew she didn't hate Timothy. How could she when she once loved him so much?
SALEM
Lana sat on the backyard porch as she watched the children play. She kept her eyes on Lux. Her smile was contagious and Lana couldn't help to smile with her. There was just something about the child that screamed and tugged at Lana. As if there was some deep feeling of nostalgia trying to nip at her.
"Lux, ya forgot yer glasses." Kit said as he walked out on to the porch with a pair of thick rimmed glasses.
Lux looked at him and scrunched her face.
Lana laughed. "I'm guessing she doesn't like them very much?"
"Nah," Kit said as he took a seat next to Lana on the porch steps. He wasn't going to force Lux to wear the things. He wouldn't want to wear them either. "She hates them but her mother wants her to wear them."
Lana took the glasses in her hands and studied them. Oliver wore glasses. The thought had run so quickly through her mind that it surprised her. She didn't even know why she had thought of him. But of course, Bloody Face always loomed in the back of her mind. Now more then ever since his name became so popular.
"Does she only live with her mother?" She asked handing Kit back the glasses.
"Yep." Kit answered. He closed them and tucked them in to the pocket of his shirt.
"What's her mother like?"
Her question made Kit freeze instantly. "Uh, Lana, that's something' I wanted to talk to ya about."
"Uncle Kit!" Lux ran up to him interrupting their conversation. However, Kit was glad for the distraction.
"What's the matter, Luxie?" He asked.
"I got a splinter." Lux said as she lifted her finger.
Lana and Kit looked at her finger. "Ouch." Kit said, "I'll get that right out, don't ya worry Kiddo."
"Dad, Thomas got my doll!" Julia cried from across the yard.
"Thomas! Give her back that doll, ya hear?"
Lana chuckled. "Sounds like you have your hands full there. How's about you take care of Thomas and Julia and I'll take Lux to get that splinter out?"
Kit smiled at Lana. "Ya don't mind?"
Lana smiled. "Of course not. It'll give us a chance to get to know each other better, Right Lux?" She looked to Lux.
Kit looked to her too. "Is that okay with ya, Luxie?"
Lux nodded with a smile.
"Good." Lana stood to her feet and was a bit surprised when Lux grabbed her hand.
"Alright. See ya in a bit then." Kit said and hurried down the porch in the direction is his children.
Lana led Lux to the bathroom where she plucked her off her feet and set her down on the counter. "There ya go." She said and opened the drawer where she fished out the tweezers.
Lux followed Lana's movements with calm eyes. She had heard very good things about Lana all morning from Thomas and Julia and Lux came to the realization that she was a good and kind person if the Walkers adored her as much as they did.
"You ready?" Lana asked as she took the tweezers.
"Ahuh." Lux said a bit nervously but remembered that Jude said she was tough girl and shouldn't cry.
Lux let Lana take a hold of her little hand brought her finger up to the light. "There it is." Lana said when she saw the splinter, "Does it hurt?"
"A little." Lux admitted.
"Don't worry. Its gonna be gone before you know it." Lana reassured her, "Do you wanna count to three with me?"
Lux nodded with a small smile.
Lana smiled too. "Okay." And the two of them counted together, "One, two, three!"
Lana plucked the splinter right out of Lux's finger. "Ta-da!" She said as she held it up for Lux to see.
Lux placed her little hands on Lana's and brought it closer. "Wow!" She said.
Lana's heart jumped at her touch and she couldn't help to smile at the child's reaction. "Did it hurt?"
Lux shook her head. "Nope. I didn't even feel it. Thank you." She smiled brightly.
Lana chuckled softly. "You're very welcome, Lux." She paused for a moment, "That's such a pretty name. Did your Mommy give it to you?"
Lux nodded. "Ahuh."
"She made a great choice."
Lana brushed a lock of hair behind Lux's ear. She couldn't help but to smile tenderly at her. She was such a beautiful child and Lana just felt an immediate connection with her. One she just couldn't understand. Who ever the child's mother was, she was very lucky to have her in her life. Lana truly did envy her.