Coming back

by Pippeloen

Andy sighed and closed her eyes. 'I thought I was doing the right thing.' 'The right thing' Sam asked. 'You left without as much as an explanation.' 'I'm sorry,' she said. 'Yeah, so am I,' he said before leaving her alone. AU set during season one. Sam comes back from his undercover operation, to find out things at the division changed.

12. Chapter 12

Here's the next chapter of Coming back.

I hope you'll enjoy it!.

Special thanks to Jena, she came up with the idea for the flashback!

XX

Andy looked in the mirror one more time and turned around. ''You sure about this dress?'' she asked Traci. Sam would pick Andy up in less than twenty minutes. ''I'm not so sure, maybe I should wear jeans.''

''Andy, come on,'' Traci tried. ''You look great in that dress.''

''What if we're going somewhere casual?'' Andy looked down at her dress again and shook her head. ''I'm just not so sure we'll go somewhere that would ask for a dress.''

Traci stood up and walked towards her friend. When she was standing in front of Andy, she grabbed her shoulders and turned her around, so that Andy was facing the mirror again. ''You look beautiful. Even if you're going someplace casual, this dress will be perfect. It's a nice dress, but it's not too formal.''

Andy sighed and cringed her nose. ''We'll probably just go someplace low-key, Sam isn't really into restaurants and dining. As long as he gets his meat quota, he's happy.''

''You should wear those earrings you wore when we graduated from the academy. They'll go great with the rest of your outfit.'' Traci sat back down again and gave her friend a long hard look. ''Do you think you'll be spending the night together?''

''Traci!'' Andy shrieked. ''That's none of your business.'' Andy took a deep breath and put her ear studs in. She looked back at Traci and shrugged her shoulders. ''I don't know, I don't know if he'll want to..''

Traci chuckled and threw her head back. ''He's a guy, right? Believe me, he'll want to.''

''I basically threw myself at him yesterday, yet he turned me down.'' Andy knew Sam only turned her down because he didn't want to rush anything. Still, that made her feel more vulnerable than she ever thought was possible. She hadn't been with anybody after Sam, mostly because she didn't want anybody else but Sam, but also because she didn't trust anybody to touch her.

''Sweetie, he was only looking out for you,'' Traci tried to comfort her best friend. ''I know you probably don't want to hear this, but he's probably just trying not to cross any lines you're not comfortable with.''

Andy sighed and nodded. She knew Traci was right, if there was one thing she was sure of, it was that Sam is a good man. His respect for women goes through the roof, Andy always suspected Sarah's history got something to do with that. ''I know, but I'm not made of china and I would hate it if he would treat me that way. What happened was horrible, but I left it behind me and there are a lot of people who go through things much worse.''

''That doesn't matter, no matter how many people go through things that are more horrible, that doesn't make what happened to you right. It's only logical if you would be a little hesitant about sleeping with someone.'' Traci couldn't place herself in Andy's shoes, but she could imagine how hard it must be to let someone get that close to you again.

''I slept with him, after that night,'' Andy admitted. Somehow they never got to that part of the story.

''Sam?'' Traci asked.

Andy nodded and looked down. ''First few days I avoided him, but after a while I couldn't do that anymore. So, I decided I should just push all my thoughts and feelings aside and be with him. I always felt safe with him.''

''But you didn't that time?'' Traci guessed.

''It's not that I didn't feel safe.'' Andy took a moment to think about how to phrase her next sentence. ''I just felt so dirty. I was panicking, but not because of Sam. Just because every time I closed my eyes, I was back in that room.''

''Sam didn't notice?'' Traci's hate towards Boyd started to grow and grow. She didn't understand how it was possible people did things like this.

Andy gave a weak smile and shrugged her shoulders. ''By that time he was pretty happy I was letting him near me. Still, he noticed something was up. I told him I wasn't feeling so well, brushed it off.''

Andy stayed silent for a few moments and took a deep breath. ''It's been more than a year, it's not possible it will still feel like that, right?''

''I can't answer that for you Andy, you know that.'' Traci gave her friend a one-armed hug and squeezed her shoulder. ''Just know, whatever you feel or don't feel...it's okay. Don't do anything you don't want to do, but don't stop yourself if you do want something.''

Andy smiled at Traci and closed her eyes. ''It's Sam, it will be fine.''

''Okay,'' Traci said. ''Maybe it's best to just be open about it. I'm sure he thought about this as well. It can't be too easy for him knowing what happened.''

''I know,'' Andy agreed. ''Still, talking about it seems a little weird. I think that would get uncomfortable. Yesterday, when he was here, we kissed for a long time. That didn't feel weird or uncomfortable at all.''

''That's good, just go with the flow and you'll be fine. Like you already told me a million times, Sam is a good guy. Whatever happens, he'll understand.''

XX

Right on time, there was a knock to Andy's door. She walked towards it and slowly opened. She wasn't able to keep a smile from appearing on her face. ''Hey,'' she said.

''Hey, one of your neighbours let me into your building,'' Sam explained. ''You look nice.''

''Thanks,'' Andy smiled back. She gave Sam a quick look over. He was wearing dark jeans and a black button down shirt. It was simple, but it was totally Sam. Secretly Andy always preferred this look, he looked good in a tux, but that just wasn't really him. ''You look good too.''

''Thanks, you ready to go?''

''Yeah, give me one second to grab my purse.'' Andy walked back into her apartment and came back.

Without saying a word, they walked downstairs. Both of them were nervous, Andy could tell that by the way Sam was playing with his keys. He would probably rather die than admit he was nervous, so she kept her mouth shut. Andy wasn't surprised he didn't buy her flowers or brought her something else. In the two years they were together he only bought her flowers once. Sam just wasn't that guy, he didn't spoil her rotten with gifts, he just showed he cared by being there.

When they reached his truck, Sam cleared his throat. ''Uh, I thought Italian would be good. What about you?''

Andy smiled, happy he still remembered she loved Italian food. ''Italian is perfect,'' she complimented. Sam opened the passenger door and helped her inside, when she was settled he walked around the truck and got in too.

The drive to the restaurant was slightly uncomfortable. Neither knew exactly what to say. Andy played with her necklace and gazed outside the window. It felt good to be near Sam again, that much was clear to her. She had missed him, like a ridiculous amount. It felt good to just smell him again, this smell of leather and coffee.

''You okay?'' Sam asked out of the blue.

Andy's head snapped up and she quickly started nodding. ''Yeah, I'm good, good, you? What about you?''

Sam chuckled and nodded. ''Yeah McNally, I'm good too. Come on, don't be nervous. It's just me.''

Andy was slightly surprised Sam brought up her obvious nerves. ''Come on, like you aren't a little nervous too?''

Sam smiled and shook his head. ''I'm awesome McNally. I don't get nervous.''

''Oh, I seem to recall a few moments from the past where you were definitely nervous.'' Andy laughed and was happy that Sam broke the ice a little. ''Sarah's wedding for instance, you were nervous.''

''I wasn't nervous, I just hated the tux I had to wear,'' Sam clarified.

Andy smiled and looked outside the window too. ''You looked hot. I even got you out on the dance floor. I never would have thought I would get you out there.'' Andy was silent for a few moments before continuing. ''And you were nervous.''

''I had to walk my sister down the aisle in front of a hundred people. She kept nagging me that I couldn't stand on her dress, you would be nervous too.'' Sam turned the steering wheel and kept his gaze on the road.

''Ha, you admit it you were nervous,'' Andy chuckled.

Sam smiled and shook his head. ''She's pregnant,'' he informed Andy. ''Called me a little while back to tell me I'm going to be an uncle.''

''What?'' Andy practically shrieked. ''That's great, she's going to be such a good mom.'' After a second of silence she spoke up again. ''That is one lucky kid, Sarah is going to be great.''

''Yeah,'' Sam agreed.

Andy bit her bottom lip and looked at Sam. ''Have you told her, you know, about this?'' No matter how much she wanted to be back with Sam, Andy knew being back in his life meant dealing with his friends and family too. Professionally his friends hadn't been so bad, Jerry was tough from time to time, but she was able to work with him. She knew not everybody would be too happy with their new attempt to make it work.

Sam swallowed and shook his head. ''No,'' he confessed. ''I haven't talked to her yet and I don't know, guess it's none of her business yet.'' Sam noticed Andy's discomfort and put a reassuring hand on her knee. ''It's okay Andy, it's not about anybody else but us, okay? So it doesn't matter what anybody else says about it.''

After Sam squeezed her knee, Andy felt a little bit better. It wasn't that simple, of course it wasn't that simple. Still, for Sam maybe it was that simple. He never seemed to be bothered by opinions of others.

''I'm serious,'' Sam pulled Andy out of her thoughts. ''Don't worry about others okay, let's just first find out what this,'' he gestured between the two of them, ''is and then we'll deal with everything else.''

''Okay,'' Andy agreed. ''That's fine.''

XX

They had been together for a while, but Andy hadn't met any of his friends yet. She was walking out of class when she saw Sam's truck. She smiled and walked over to him. ''Hey, didn't know we had a date planned?'' she asked. ''Or are you here to carry my books to my next class?'' she teased.

''I thought this was your last class?'' Sam raised his eyebrows. ''So I was here to see if you're up for company for the night.''

''Well,'' Andy started. ''That would depend on the company.'' She linked her arm through Sam's and was amused by the look on his face. If there was one thing she learned about him the last couple of months, Sam did not like public display of affection. Sure, at home he could be all over her, but never in public. At first Andy was bothered by it a little, but she reasoned he showed her he wanted her more than enough in private.

''How about a cop, pretty good looking one I might add,'' Sam said. ''Dark hair, dark eyes. You know, your average dream man.''

''Little bit overconfident, are we?'' Andy teased. ''But I guess you'll do.''

''Charming,'' Sam replied. He watched as she climbed into his truck and he took his place behind the steering wheel. ''I was thinking, maybe we could go to the Penny tonight?''

Andy's eyes widened a little. She knew the Penny was the usual hang-out place for cops from 15th division. She had even dragged her dad's ass from there once. After that he had always chosen more anonymous places to get wasted. ''Like, with your friends?'' she asked, slightly shocked.

Sam smiled and nodded. ''Yeah, there will probably be some of my friends there. Like Oliver, you know Oliver, right?''

''From when I was fifteen and my dad made him entertain me as rookie punishment, yeah,'' Andy clarified. ''Not as your girlfriend, isn't that too weird?''

Sam chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. ''What did you think, that you would never meet my friends? You might as well do it now, rip off the band-aid.''

''Rip off the band..'' Andy started. ''Thank you, that's very comforting.''

''I know,'' Sam laughed. She still amused him with her attitude. She always acted so confident, but Sam knew that was only on the outside. Deep down she really wanted to be liked and appreciated. ''Hey, I met your dad.''

''You already knew my dad before you met me,'' Andy argued. ''And my dad is drunk ninety percent of the time, so that doesn't count.''

''Just come with me Andy, it will be fine,'' Sam tried one more time. ''If you're not having fun, we'll be out of there in no time.''

Andy sighed and leaned her head against the chair. ''You promise?'' she asked with a pout.

Sam laughed at how much she looked like a four year old sulking right now. ''I promise, just say the word and we're gone.''

XX

That night Andy was incredibly nervous. She thought this was a really, really bad idea. She didn't know what to talk about with Sam's friends. They were all older than Sam, which meant they were at least a decade older than her. Besides, she was still in college, his friends would probably all agree that she was too young for him. ''Maybe we should just stay in?'' she asked Sam.

Sam just finished his shower and was already changing. ''Why?'' he asked. When he looked at her he knew why, she was nervous. Sam took a step towards her and took her hand. ''I want them to meet you, okay? You're a part of my life now and they want to know who you are.''

''What if they don't like who I am?'' Andy asked slightly insecure.

''Then that's too bad for them, I'll still like who you are.'' Sam kissed the tip of Andy's nose and pulled her towards him. ''Now, let's go and you'll see that there's nothing to worry about.''

XX

When they entered the Penny, Sam waved at a table in the back. He put his hand on the small of Andy's back and brought her to his friends. ''Guys,'' Sam greeted his friends. ''There's someone I'd like you all to meet, this is Andy. Andy, this is Oliver, Jerry, Frank and Noelle. We all went through the academy together.''

Andy shyly waved at the group and smiled faintly. She sat down on the barstool that Sam pulled towards her. It took her a while to get accustomed to the group, but nobody seemed bothered by her.

After a while she was actually enjoying herself. She was sitting next to Noelle who asked her about what classes she was taking. Noelle seemed easy to be around, she even cracked a few jokes about how Andy put up with Sam.

When Jerry got up to get a new round of drinks, he looked at Andy and raised an eyebrow. ''You old enough to drink?'' he asked with a smirk.

Andy turned red and nodded. ''Yeah, I am,'' she answered. She felt Sam's hand on her knee and relaxed a little. When Jerry was away, Sam leaned into her and whispered in her ear. ''Don't be bothered by Jerry. He's an ass, but also one of my best friends. He's just teasing.''

''It's okay,'' Andy reassured Sam. ''I'm having fun, they're nice.''

''Good,'' Sam said.

After a while Oliver and Sam decided to play some pool. Andy stayed at the table with the others, she was comfortable with them. ''So Andy,'' Jerry started. ''How did you ran into our boy?''

''Actually we met when the place I work in got robbed. I hit the guy on his head with a vase and Sam and Oliver came to arrest him. After that Sam came to buy coffee a few times and we talked, you know.'' Andy decided to go with the short version. She knew Sam was a private guy and he probably didn't share everything with his friends either.

''You hit the robber?'' Frank asked. ''That takes some guts, you could have been hurt.''

Andy shrugged and glanced over at Sam. ''I know, I just did what I thought was right. Guess it all turned out okay. Besides, the guy had a gun and I couldn't tell if it was real. I didn't want to risk him hurting anybody else.''

At the other side of the bar, Sam was watching Andy. He wanted to make sure she was comfortable with his friends. He didn't want her to worry about it, but he actually was kind of nervous to know how they felt about her. It wouldn't change how he felt, but it would be nice if they liked her.

''Sammy, you're up,'' Oliver said to him. Sam quickly made a few shots and turned his gaze back to Andy. ''She's still there. Jerry didn't scare her away yet,'' Oliver filled in.

''Ass,'' Sam muttered under his breath.

''You know, I never thought I would live to see the day,'' Oliver continued. ''Sam Swarek hung up on a girl.''

''I am not..'' Sam tried, but Oliver already cut him off before he was able to finish.

''You are totally hung up on her, you keep looking in her direction every ten seconds.''

''Just want to make sure she's alright,'' Sam defended himself. ''You know how Jerry can be.''

''Jerry knows she's important to you, he'll behave. Besides, Noelle will keep him in check. You know that just as well as I do.'' Oliver was happy for his friend. Sam never seemed like the type to every settle down, but lately he had changed. He hadn't even been to the Penny in a week. ''You know, I like her,'' Oliver said.

''Yeah?'' Sam asked. ''No 'she's too young for you' speech?''

''No,'' Oliver said without hesitation. ''She's old enough to make her own decisions and she seems happy where she is. I know you are happy with her, so great.''

Sam tried to stop his lips from curling up, but he failed. It was only a little twitch, but he definitely showed that he was happy with his friends approval. When they finished their game, Oliver and Sam made their way back to the table. Sam stood behind Andy and she let herself fall back against his chest a little.

When nobody was watching, Sam moved his lips to Andy's ear. ''You having fun?'' he whispered.

Andy turned around and gave Sam a smile. She nodded and squeezed his hand. They stayed for a little while longer. Sam sat down next to Jerry and they talked about an upcoming poker night. Andy talked to Oliver about his kids while Frank and Noelle moved to the bar.

When Andy was ready to leave, Sam was already standing up. ''Andy, you want to go home?'' Sam asked. Andy nodded and said her goodbyes to Sam's friends. When they were outside the bar, Sam took her hand in his. ''So,'' Sam started. ''How bad was it on a scale from one to ten.''

Andy chuckled and laid her head on his shoulder. ''It wasn't bad at all,'' she admitted. ''Noelle seems nice, sort of hard to read though. Frank was a little distant, but he was that way to all of you. Jerry was nice, didn't really think he liked me though. I really liked Oliver, he's a good guy.''

''He is,'' Sam agreed. ''If anything is ever up and you can't reach me, call him. He's probably one of the most loyal guys you'll ever meet.'' Sam was silent for a while and continued. ''Jerry does like you, he just went through a crappy divorce and I think he's a little bumped I don't want to be his wingman or something.''

''Sucks,'' Andy softly said. ''Was his wife nice?''

''Nope,'' Sam immediately answered. ''Never liked her. We all saw the divorce coming before they even finished their vows.''

Andy removed her head from Sam's shoulders and looked at him. ''You told him that?''

Sam sighed and shrugged his shoulders. ''I asked him if he was sure of her, he said he was. When he asked me what I thought, I was honest.''

''How did he take that?'' Andy asked. She knew guys were easier, but she would really hate it if her best friend didn't support her marriage.

''I guess he already knew,'' Sam answered. ''It wasn't really a secret. Jerry is my best friend, but we disagree about a lot of things. That's fine as long as you can respect each other's choices.''

When they reached the truck, Sam let go of Andy's hand. He pressed his lips to hers in a sweet kiss and smiled when they broke apart. ''You happy you got to meet them?'' he asked.

''Yeah, it was good,'' Andy promised.

XX

Their date was fine. From time to time things got a little uncomfortable, but both of them enjoyed being around the other again. They both tried hard to avoid talking about the year they spent apart.

By the time they finished dessert, Sam insisted he got the bill.

''You ready to get out of here?'' he asked when he had paid.

Andy looked up to him and nodded. ''Yeah, totally,'' she answered. She hoped he would invite her over or that he would invite himself up to her place. Her place probably was the better option, his place was filled with memories of the two of them.

Silence washed over them once again when they reached the truck. Andy watched how Sam drove her to her place. A small smile formed on her lips, she was happy. Things weren't perfect and she probably had to show to Sam that she was all in, but at least he was in her life again.

''What?'' Sam asked. When Andy raised her eyebrows, Sam chuckled. ''Don't forget I know you McNally, you've got something on your mind.''

''It's nothing,'' Andy promised. ''I'm just really happy that you are willing to give me another chance. I know I maybe don't deserve it, but I'm really happy you are willing to try.''

Sam swallowed and nodded. ''Look Andy, we've been over this, okay? You shouldn't have left, but I shouldn't have let you leave that easily.'' Sam switched gears and put his hand on Andy's thigh. ''I missed you,'' he softly added.

Andy blinked a few times. Sam saying this, that meant something. Sam almost never said anything about his feelings. Even when they were together she practically had to force him to tell her what he was thinking. ''I missed you too,'' she quickly said. ''So much.''

Sam squeezed her thigh and put his hand on the steering wheel again. After a fifteen minute drive they reached her apartment. Andy unbuckled and looked at Sam. ''Do you maybe..'' she nodded towards her building. ''You want to come up with me?''

Sam looked her in the eye and had an internal debate. He wanted to, of course he wanted it. Still, they were just figuring out who they were this time around. Just three days ago they weren't even comfortable around each other, even now things were still a little tense.

''For a drink?'' Andy tried. ''You don't have to, of course, but I'd like it.''

''Yeah,'' Sam swallowed a lump away. ''Sure, let's go McNally.''

Andy sighed, hating the fact that he almost never called her Andy anymore. It was like there was a wall between them. She wanted nothing more than for that wall to tumble down, but she didn't know how to break it.

Deciding she should take what she could get, Andy got out of the truck and waited until Sam was by her side. They walked up the stairs together, when they reached her apartment Andy immediately went to get two beers.

They settled on her couch together. Sam was tapping his fingers on the inside of his thigh. He looked around the apartment. Andy sat next to him, her head tipped to the side. She was trying to follow Sam's eyes, but she had no idea what he was really doing.

After a minute of awkwardness, Andy took the remote control and flipped on her TV. They watched some lame sitcom and after ten minutes, Andy put her head on Sam's shoulder.

Sam waited for a minute, but then put his arm around Andy. He turned his head to press his lips against the top of her head. Andy couldn't help but smile after that small gesture. She leaned up and kissed Sam's cheek. After that she moved down and kissed his neck.

Sam turned his head and cupped her cheek with one hand. He lifted her head up and crashed his mouth to hers. He tried to keep the kiss innocent, but when Andy traced his bottom lip with her tongue, Sam couldn't help himself. He deepened the kiss and put his hand on her waist.

Gently Sam pulled Andy towards him. Andy got the hint and got on her knees. She lifted on leg over his legs so she was straddling him. Their mouths were glued together, it was like they had to get familiar with each other all over again.

Andy put her hand on Sam's chest and let her hand travel south. When she reached the hem of his shirt, she bunched it up. She let both of her hands roam over his chest. His arms and chest always were Andy's favorite parts of him. She loved the muscles there.

The need for air became too big, so they had to let go of each other for a moment. They stared in each other's eyes and Andy moved one of her hands from under Sam's shirt. She traced his jaw line with her finger and then put her hands in his hair. Sam moved towards her again and placed small kisses on her neck. He bit down on her earlobe and gently tugged it. When he traced the shell of her ear with his tongue, a small moan escaped Andy's mouth.

Andy moved her hips forward. She needed some friction, but Sam held her hips. Andy let out a frustrated whine and kissed him again. Sam's hands moved under her dress, he traced her thighs with his hands and gently squeezed her rear.

Andy moved an inch forward when she saw the opportunity. Right on that moment Sam removed his lips from hers. He gave her one last sweet kiss and nudged her nose with his. ''We should really stop,'' he softly told her.

''Why?'' Andy asked frustrated. ''I want you.''

Sam closed his eyes, it was hard enough to let her go like this again. Yesterday they were in a very similar position. It took all his self control to let her go that time. Right now it was best for both of them if he went home, at least, that was what he was trying to tell himself. ''Sweetheart, it's just best if we take it slow.''

''Slow?'' Andy asked. ''We've already slept with each other hundreds of times.''

Sam had to close his eyes when she said that. Her statement didn't really help getting himself in check. ''I don't want to hurt you,'' he whispered to her.

''You won't,'' Andy promised. ''You couldn't.''

''It's not that,'' Sam said. ''We've been apart for a long time Andy. We don't know if this thing between us still works.''

Andy clenched her jaw, she knew he was right. It still hurt to hear though. Every part of her wanted things to go back to the way they were, but it wasn't that simple and she knew it. ''I want it to work,'' she stated. ''It will work.''

Sam gently kissed her cheek and held her close. ''We'll deal with it,'' he promised. ''But we should take things slow.''

''Can you..'' Andy shut her mouth and shook her head.

''What?'' Sam asked. ''Hey, tell me.''

''Can you stay the night?'' Andy asked. When she felt Sam's answer would be no, she spoke up again. ''Just sleep?'' she asked again. ''I just want to lay down with you.''

Sam was pretty sure he would never deny her anything if she looked at him like that. He moved his hand through her hair and nodded. ''Yeah, okay,'' he agreed.

Together they turned off all the lights in the apartment. Andy went into the bedroom to get ready for bed. When she was make-up free she walked back into the bedroom. Sam was sitting on the edge of her bed in his boxers. ''There's a new toothbrush in there,'' Andy informed him. ''I got it yesterday, so brand new.''

''Okay,'' Sam said before standing up. Unlike Andy he was done in five minutes in the bathroom. When he came out she was standing next to the bed brushing her hair. She smiled at him and Sam swore she was the most beautiful creature he ever laid eyes on. When they were separated he tried to tell himself he wasn't that crazy about her.

He mostly failed doing that.

Andy was wearing boy shorts and a tank top. She shyly smiled at him and got under the covers. Sam hesitated for a moment and looked at her. ''You want me to put a shirt on?'' he asked.

Andy chuckled and shook her head. ''I'd actually prefer it if you didn't,'' she responded.

Sam got into bed and laid down on his side, facing her. He stroked her cheek and held one of her hands in his. Andy moved forward so she could kiss him again. The kiss was simple and innocent, but she was content with it.

Both of them were silent, just staring at each other. After a while Sam moved to his back. Andy moved a little closer and put her head on his shoulder with a hand on his chest. ''Do you think we're able to work things out?'' she asked. ''I mean, do you think we're able to go back to where we were?''

''No,'' Sam answered truthfully, he felt Andy tense immediately. ''We both went through a lot of crap,'' he confessed. ''We're not the same people anymore. Things won't ever go back to the way they were. But, maybe we've both grown. Maybe we'll be able to be better this time.''

''You think that's possible?''

''I hope so,'' Sam answered.

XX

Okay, super unsure about this chapter. Not sure it's really in character, but I'm dealing with a major writers block.

I completely ran out of ideas for flashbacks, so if anybody has another scene they'd like to read: tell me about it.

Please review!