August 1993
There was blood running into Steve's eye. He couldn't seem to focus on anything else, just that wetness blurring his vision. His other eye was blurry too, though, so maybe the blood wasn't the problem. There were other things fluttering around the edges of his awareness, sounds mostly, but everything was muffled somehow. Danny would probably…Danny!
Steve rocked his head to the side, wincing at the pain that radiated through his skull. Danny was slumped over the steering wheel beside him, and it was only then that Steve remembered that they were in the minivan. He had no idea where they'd been going, or why, and Danny seemed much too still, his face turned away.
"Danno," he croaked and reached out one shaky hand. There were chunks of window glass on his arm that slid away as he moved. Someone stopped him with a firm grip on his shoulder.
"You shouldn't move until the paramedics get here."
Steve didn't recognize the voice but he became aware that there were people on either side of the minivan and he could see flashing lights.
"Danny?" he asked, hoping someone would answer.
"It'll be okay, kid."
Steve must've drifted a bit after that, because the next thing he knew he was being strapped to a backboard and loaded into an ambulance. He panicked then, because he didn't know where Danny was, but the EMTs did their best to calm him.
The ride to the hospital was a blur of sirens and nausea and Steve's vitals being rattled off at regular intervals. Reassuring words were spoken to him but they barely registered over the rippling echo of John McGarrett's voice in his head.
There's been an accident, son.
Over and over on a loop and Steve couldn't shake it out of his head because he simply couldn't move it. He was jostled back to reality when the ambulance arrived at the hospital. They rolled him into the ER and he was immediately set on by nurses.
"What's your name, honey?"
"Steve. McGarrett. Where's Danny? Is he okay?"
"Let's just focus on you right now." The nurse squeezed his arm, and then they were taking his vitals again and checking him for injuries, removing his clothes piece by piece.
There's been an accident, son.
Steve wanted to ask after Danny again but he couldn't make himself do it. Couldn't take the chance that when someone finally gave him a real answer it would be bad news.
By the time Steve got back from x-ray his aunt and uncle had arrived. He was feeling more lucid, which unfortunately came with a biting panic just under his skin. He kept scanning what little he could see of the surrounding area, kept looking for Danny and not finding him.
"Sweetheart! How are you feeling?" Aunt Leigh was at his side in an instant, clutching his hand.
"Been better," he said weakly.
The doctor updated them on Steve's condition. "He was lucky, given the severity of the impact. Concussion, sprained wrist, and some pretty impressive bruising along his right side. There's also some bruising on his chest and abdomen from the seatbelt."
Steve didn't feel lucky. He remembered some of the accident now that his head was a little clearer. Remembered seeing a car heading straight for them, too fast for him to do anything but open his mouth and try to say…he didn't even know what. The impact had happened on Danny's side.
There's been an accident, son. You mother, she…she's dead.
"Steven?" Mrs. Williams popped her head around the privacy curtain, looking pale and drawn. Aunt Leigh gave her a hug and drew her into the narrow space beside the bed. Uncle Tommy nodded at her, solemn as always.
"I'm sorry," Steve said, his eyes burning. "I'm so sorry."
Mrs. Williams put her hand on his cheek and smiled down at him. "It wasn't your fault, sweetheart, or Danny's. I've talked to the police. The other driver ran the red light."
Steve tried to shake his head but it still hurt too much. The nurse hadn't been able to give him much for the pain, not until they were sure his concussion wouldn't turn into something more serious.
"Danny," he said, but his voice broke. Mrs. Williams' gaze sharpened and she got the same look on her face that her son did when he'd just figured something out.
"He's going to be fine, Steven. He's having some stitches put in and he asked me to check on you."
Steve covered his eyes with one hand, sprained wrist wrapped tightly in an ace bandage, and bit his lower lip to keep it from trembling. He had a flash of memory, Danny slumped over the steering wheel. So still. Danny was never that still.
"He's okay?"
"Well, I imagine he's feeling a lot like you must be right now. He hit his head pretty hard, and did some damage to his knee. It could have been so much worse, for both of you."
Steve kept his eyes tightly shut and just nodded, not trusting himself enough to say anything else. Uncle Tommy said something about him having to stay the night at the hospital but he wasn't really listening. He just kept thinking how close it had been, how he could've lost Danny and that would've been another person he loved that would have left him.
He didn't know how much time passed as he lay behind the curtain. Aunt Leigh and Uncle Tommy took turns sitting with him while they filled out paperwork or made phone calls or went searching for coffee. Eventually they both went to get something to eat. A nurse came by periodically to check on him, ask him to do stupid things like touch his nose with his index finger. He knew it was to make sure he didn't have a brain bleed or something, but it was still annoying.
Steve drifted for a while, and then someone grabbed hold of his ankle. He started, heart pounding, and saw Danny down at the foot of the bed. All he could do was stare, drinking in the sight of his boyfriend while the band of tension that had taken up residence around his chest finally started to loosen.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey yourself." Danny looked terrible. The left side of his face was swollen and peppered with little cuts, and there were stitches up near his hair line holding a particularly nasty looking gash together. His spiky blonde hair was mostly flat, parts of it matted with blood. He wore a hospital gown, just like Steve, and his left leg was in a large, bulky looking brace. It stuck straight out which was why his wheelchair couldn't get any closer than the end of the bed.
"Ma said they're keeping you overnight, too. She's trying to get us a room together."
Steve hadn't even thought about that but now he wanted it more than anything, wanted to be able to keep an eye on Danny. Something must have shown on his face because Danny began rubbing Steve's foot with his hand, thumb stroking up and down his arch.
"I was worried about you, McGarrett. Thought maybe you finally cracked that hard skull of yours." His thumb kept moving, a firm pressure that kept it from being ticklish.
"Yeah. Me too."
"Look, I was going to wait for some better ambience. But we're going to the Shore for your birthday." Danny flushed, the fingers of his free hand fidgeting with the edge of the hospital gown. "Just the two of us. Ma made all the arrangements."
"Really?" Steve blushed, because the first thing he thought about was all the sex they could have. "Sounds cool."
Danny tugged on his big toe. "Get your mind out of the gutter, pal."
"Yeah, cause I'm the only one thinking it."
They grinned at each other and then an orderly came to retrieve Danny. Steve watched him go, and then relaxed back against the pillows. The doctor was right. He really was lucky.
*o*o*o*
The drive from Trenton to Seaside Heights took a little over an hour, and Steve's hands were cramped by the time they arrived. He'd kept a death grip on the steering wheel of his truck the whole way, eyes constantly scanning the highway for any signs of impending doom.
Danny tried to distract him with stories of vacations past, and how the boardwalk was practically sacred ground because Bon Jovi shot a music video there once, but eventually he gave up and just stared out the passenger window until they finally reached their destination.
"Pull over right there," Danny said, pointing. His family had a regular summer rental on Hancock Avenue that they shared with another family, swapping out weeks so that everyone got a chance to use it. There was street-side parking and Steve pulled so close that the tires bumped against the curb. As soon as he turned the truck off he flexed his fingers, wincing.
"I'm driving home," Danny said flatly. "You're being ridiculous."
"No, you're not."
"McGarrett, you can't keep –"
Steve cut Danny off by getting out of the truck and slamming the door behind him. He didn't want to talk about it, which really shouldn't have been such a surprise for Danny after all this time. They'd survived the accident, everything was good. So what if he had a little trouble driving now? Or letting Danny anywhere near the driver's seat?
He dropped the tailgate and hauled out their bags. Between them they had three, and he was already carrying them up to the house by the time Danny caught up with him. The full leg brace had been replaced with a knee brace that was much lighter and more flexible but Danny was still noticeably limping.
Steve waited for him to open the door, but all Danny did was stand there glaring at him, arms crossed. The bruising on his face had faded away to almost nothing but the gash near his hair line was still red and obvious and Steve had to force himself to look away from it.
"Are we going in or what?"
"I'm not fighting with you, Steven. This is supposed to be a fun birthday vacation and you're not going to ruin it by being an emotional fucktard."
"That's not –"
"Furthermore, you will stop treating me like I'm made of glass or something. I'm perfectly fine, you're perfectly fine, and I really would like to be able to enjoy myself without worrying about you having some sort of mental breakdown in the middle of the boardwalk." Danny poked him in the chest for emphasis. "Need I remind you that there are no Williams relatives to cut in on our time this whole week."
"I know –"
"So either you loosen up or we just get back in the truck and go home, because I'm not looking at your pissy face all week."
Steve let the bags drop and crowded Danny up against the door, hands on either side of his head so he could tilt it at just the right angle for a deep, probing kiss. You could've died and I was so afraid. You don't know how much you mean to me. He apologized without words and when Danny pulled back and looked at him with fond exasperation, Steve knew he'd gotten the message.
The house had three bedrooms, one bathroom, a small kitchen and an even smaller living room. The décor seemed held over from the seventies: lots of earthy colors and ridiculous shag carpeting in all the bedrooms. Steve looked around in wonder.
"How the hell does your family fit in here for a week?"
Danny just shrugged. "We don't spend much time indoors."
They picked the biggest of the three bedrooms, which had a queen sized bed and dark green shag. Steve tossed their bags in the corner between the dresser and the wall before sitting on the bed. He bounced a little, testing the firmness. Danny sat beside him, keeping his left leg as straight as possible.
"So. Here we are."
"Yup," Steve agreed. He was already half hard just from thinking about all the things he and Danny could do on that bed. Things they hadn't done yet, things that Steve wasn't sure he'd like doing but was determined to try anyway.
They sat in silence for a few minutes and then Danny turned to him, eyebrows raised.
"Wanna get naked?"
Steve tried not to look too eager but he was sure he failed miserably. Not that it mattered, with his arms wrapped around Danny and Danny's tongue in his mouth. They'd only been in Seaside Heights for ten minutes but Steve was pretty sure it was already the best vacation ever.
*o*o*o*
The rental house was two blocks up from Casino Pier, which was the first place Danny dragged Steve after they'd crammed themselves into the ridiculously small shower stall together to wash off after christening the bedroom.
It was a pleasantly warm day, the high temperatures mitigated by the cool breeze blowing in from the Atlantic ocean. The boardwalk was packed with people but Danny knew exactly where to go and had no compunctions about elbowing his way through the crowds. It wasn't long before they were sharing a big cup of lemonade and a greasy bag full of zeppoles, the powdered sugar turned gluey.
"Your mom's are better," Steve said around a mouthful of deep-fried donut. "But these aren't bad."
Danny nodded, powdered sugar on his nose and in the corners of his mouth. Steve really wanted to kiss him, taste the sugar on his tongue, but they were only an hour from the Burg and there was no telling who they'd run into. They had to be cautious. No public displays like they'd been able to get away with in the city.
They made plans to hit Water Works sometime during their stay, the tall, twisty slides promising some fun. And Danny pointed out Wacky Golf, which was a rooftop mini golf course near the arcade.
The afternoon was spent competing against each other in Skee Ball and ring toss, and Danny won Steve a little green octopus when he knocked over a stack of milk cans with a baseball. They went on some rides as well. Danny balked at the Ferris wheel but went on the indoor scrambler with Steve, holding his hand in the dark while they spun around and around, Aerosmith blaring over the speakers.
As the sun started to go down they walked along the boardwalk, close enough that they bumped shoulders from time to time. Danny pointed out the surfers down below on the beach, which just made Steve snort in derision.
"That's not surfing, Danno. You barely have any swells here." Still, he couldn't help leaning on the rail and watching. A couple of the guys had some decent moves, considering how little they had to work with. It had been a while since he'd felt homesick, but just then it hit him like a gut punch as he remembered hours of surfing under the warm Hawaiian sun, shooting the curl with his friends.
"Hey, don't knock Jersey surfing. Some of these guys go to competitions and do really well." Danny hip-checked him as he leaned on the railing too. "It takes a lot of fortitude to surf in Jersey. I've seen guys out here in November surfing storm waves in the freezing cold. You Hawaii boys have it easy."
"What are you? The state spokesman?" Steve turned away from the ocean and headed back up the boardwalk, Danny easily keeping pace with him despite the brace.
"Well, someone has to be." Danny shoved his hands in the pockets of his shorts. "You know, you can get board rentals. If you wanted to do some surfing tomorrow."
And, oh, suddenly Steve really, really wanted to. The swells were tame, considering what he was used to, but the thought of being back out on a board with salt water on his skin…there was nothing he wanted more at that moment. Of course, there was no reason to be obvious about it.
"I'll think about it."
"You do that. Come on, let's hit Marucas. You're gonna love their pizza." Danny gave him a good-natured shove, Steve shoved back, and just like that he regained his equilibrium.
He made a comment about how real pizza was supposed to have the sauce on the bottom, which he knew would send Danny into an epic rant about the superiority of the Trenton-style pie. Steve just soaked in the sound of his boyfriend's voice and hoped the rest of the week was as good as the first day.
*o*o*o*
Steve sat on his rented longboard, legs dangling in the water, and knew he was grinning like an idiot. He could just make out Danny, who was sitting on the beach in a lounge chair, cooler full of Snapple and sandwiches beside him. He'd been worried that so many months away from the ocean had left him badly out of shape, but swimming at the Y had helped. Jersey swells were small, but he was still having a great time riding them.
He'd been out for over an hour now, and had acquired some new friends who were impressed with his moves and his agility on the board. When they found out Steve was from Hawaii they teased him about being spoiled, not a true soul surfer like they considered themselves to be. He took it all in good fun.
A decent-sized swell started forming and Steve got into position, lying down on his board and paddling towards shore. As soon as the current grabbed hold he hopped nimbly into a crouch, automatically adjusting his balance. And then he was on his feet, riding the swell in as he angled first right then left, enjoying the familiar rush.
It was a short ride, and this time he didn't immediately paddle back out to the lineup. Instead he tucked the board up under his arm and made his way to where Danny was waiting, sunglasses perched on top of his head.
"Geez, you look waterlogged."
Steve dropped the board and then shook himself like a dog, spraying Danny with saltwater.
"Thanks a lot, asshole!" he grumbled, though there was no heat behind it. "Looked like you were having fun out there."
"Yeah, it wasn't bad." Steve flopped own on the towel at Danny's feet and pulled a tea out of the cooler. "You have to come to Hawaii sometime, Danno. Then you can see what real surfing looks like."
"I've seen Point Break," Danny replied with a dismissive wave of his hand.
Steve didn't bother commenting on that. Instead he lay back and closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of the sun on his skin. As soon as his board shorts dried out he'd probably go right back in, if Danny didn't mind watching him surf a little more. Judging from the appreciative look he'd been giving Steve just a moment ago it wouldn't be a problem.
"You looked really good out there," Danny said softly just as Steve was starting to drift.
"Mmm hmm," Steve hummed to show that he was listening.
"Probably used to surf every day, right? Like the swimming?"
There was a tone in Danny's voice that made Steve blink his eyes opening, frowning. "Yeah. So?"
"So nothing. I just, I'm sorry I guess. That you don't get to do that."
Danny sounded so apologetic, like coming to Jersey had been his idea and he was the reason Steve couldn't do some of the things he used to love so much. Steve sat up and rested his chin on Danny's good knee.
"It sucks I can't surf all the time, and that I have to swim in a pool," Steve said. "But it would've sucked more if I hadn't met you."
He flushed, feeling a little silly. But he wanted Danny to know that it wasn't all bad, his leaving home. He'd found something completely unexpected, right there in the Burg, and he couldn't imagine his life without it now. Without Danny, who was looking at him with such open emotion on his face that Steve had to close his eyes and duck his head, butting it against Danny's knee.
"You're such a goof," Danny said fondly.
Steve's chest felt tight, and the words slipped out almost by accident, a whisper against Danny's hairy leg. "I love you."
There was a momentary silence so deep that for a moment Steve couldn't hear anything. Not the waves hitting the shore, not the people chatting all around them, nothing. And then Danny's hand slid into Steve's damp hair, fingers curling.
"I can't believe…you're so…just…I do too," Danny said finally. "Love you."
Steve grinned against Danny's leg and in that moment he felt freer than he had since his mom died. There was a little guilt riding along with it, but the voice that scolded him for being happy was getting fainter all the time.
Danny pulled him up to his knees and kissed him, right in front of God and Seaside Heights, with intent and a whole lot of tongue, and Steve thought maybe he'd forgo another round of surfing.
"Let's go back to the house," he murmured in Danny's ear. "I think I might want to try giving you a blow job."
It was almost comical the way Danny scrambled up out of the chair. Steve helped him get everything together and they swung by the surf shop on their way back to return the longboard.
"You should try out for football," Danny said apropos of nothing as they walked, Steve carrying the cooler.
"Maybe I will." The idea certainly had merit. Like it or not, Trenton had become his second home over the past year. And Steve thought maybe he was ready to stop just making the best of a bad situation. Maybe it was time to make the most of it instead. To fully enjoy himself and his friends before everything changed again and they graduated.
"You know what, Danno? I think Jersey is starting to grow on me."
"I knew we'd win you over eventually," Danny said with a smirk.
AN: First off, let me just acknowledge that I messed up Steve's birthday. I know it's March in canon, and I have no recollection of why I went with Alex O'Loughlin's birthday instead. Must've had some sort of fandom seizure that day.
Also, the hospital stuff all came out of my brain and has no basis in actual fact. Unless it all happens to be accurate, in which case I totally knew what I was doing. ::winks::
Finally, I want to thank everyone who read and reviewed, and left kudos, for this story. It was a lot of fun playing with Steve and Danny as teenagers, and piling on all the angst. And of course I couldn't write the last chapter without adding just a little bit more.
I know the last few chapters have taken me a while to get done. I think I was having a tough time letting go. ::blushes:: Thanks so much for your patience!