This one was a bear to write for some reason. I had a hard time getting down on paper what I was going for, but I think I got there in the end. Time to get into Emily's head for a bit.

Thanks to everyone who is still reading, alerting, favourite-ing and reviewing. Absolutely makes my day.

I don't own Skins, but if I did I'd probably kiss it senseless.

Chapter 12

Emily

Naomi's lips have me completely enthralled. Yes, she really knows how to use them to full advantage – she's an amazing kisser – but it's also that they're so incredibly soft. I've never felt anything quite so soft. I could just let her kiss me for days and I'd be perfectly content. We've been lying here tangled up in each other for the past 20 minutes, just kissing. Slowly. Gently. Leisurely exploring with our lips and tongues. We're learning each other touch by touch - how we taste and feel, the sounds we make, the things we like. It's incredibly sensual, unlike anything I've ever experienced. I think it's entirely possible that my heart might burst, it's so full. I feel like the Grinch on the mountaintop at the very end of the story.

We keep saying that we should get up. We have to head to Bath again this afternoon to start night training. I'm a bit worried about how well I'll be able to see my communications systems while wearing the night vision gear so I'm anxious to try it out. But despite that, I can't make myself stop kissing Naomi. The fact that she's here, kissing me back after all that we've been through, all that she's been through… I just can't make myself let her go, even for a moment. The quiet groans and sighs she's making as she nips and sucks at my lips aren't helping me want to stop either. Jesus, she's so good at this. I know we need to take things slowly - I only just moments ago promised that we would take this one step at a time - but I don't know how I'm going to manage that if she keeps this up. I pull back slightly, just enough to catch my breath, licking my lips and smiling at the incredible woman in front of me. She leans forward quickly, just barely grazing my chin with her lips before darting back, and it makes me laugh. Her eyes light up at the sound and a huge smile breaks across her face. She's radiant. I can't believe she could be mine. I'm so happy that I don't know what to do with myself.

"You're so beautiful." Naomi's smile turns shy when she hears me and her eyes drop. But when she looks back up at me I can see that she's happy.

"I'm glad you think so," she says before she starts to lean in to kiss me again. We both jump at a loud bang on the door, knocking our noses together slightly when we do. I feel Naomi pull back and go into defensive mode instantly, and then relax again when she recognizes Cook's bellowing voice.

"Blondie, if you're in there, you need to open the fucking door! No fucking around, yeah? I need to talk to you."

"Keep your shorts on, Cook, for fuck's sake!" Naomi looks back at me to make sure that I'm okay, running her hand softly across my nose where we connected. God I love her eyes. I've never seen anything so blue. When she sees that I'm alright she climbs off the bed and moves over to the door, smiling back at me shyly as she goes. Her absence hits me like a brick. I want her close to me, touching me, always. She looks back at me one more time to make sure that I'm ready and then lets Cook in when I nod.

"Hey Red. Looking good, mate. Ya might wanna tone down the sex hair before you see Katie, though, yeah?" He's grinning from ear to ear, about to launch into some other, likely inappropriate comment, when Naomi smacks him on the back of the head. Hard. He yelps and turns around towards Naomi while rubbing the newly sore spot. I immediately start running my fingers through my hair to try to tame it, realizing quickly that my best option is going to be a ponytail. I grab the elastic that I keep on my wrist for that purpose and start pulling my hair back into a messy bun.

"Leave her alone, Cook. What is so important that you had to practically knock my door off its hinges, eh?"

At that, Cook's face suddenly gets really serious. "We just got word. Decryption picked up some transmissions. There's another group going for the hostage we have to go tonight or we'll be too late. Kieran's called a briefing in 10 minutes. You need to get your shit together, and fast, and get over there."

Oh my fuck. My heart rate has just doubled and every muscle in my body has tensed. We aren't ready. We aren't nearly ready, not yet.

Naomi has gone still, completely, utterly still. I can see her mind racing as she tries to process what Cook has said. Her eyes flick to mine, and there's so much fear in them that it takes my breath away. She's not ready to do this, not with me there, too. That's obvious. It's too soon. The ridge is still to close. Seeing her reaction snaps me out of mine. No matter how scared that I might be, I need to talk her through this. I need to convince her that we'll be okay, that I'll be okay.

"Naomi, I'll be fine. We'll all be fine." I'm using the most calming voice I can, but the rasp is worse than usual because of my nerves. I just hope that Naomi doesn't realize that's the reason. "Cook'll watch my back, just like we planned, just like we trained for. I'll be as safe as can be. I promise you, Naoms. I'll be alright. You need to believe that."

Naomi's standing still in the middle of the room, her eyes locked on mine, blazing across the distance between us. She's struggling so hard to keep it together. Cook's looking back and forth between us and I see the penny drop as he figures out what's going on. He can tell we've been making out, and I assume that he knows by now that she took me to the ridge yesterday. It doesn't take him long to make the connection and realize that Naomi's freaking about me being part of this mission. He steps in front of her, forcing her to look at him instead of me, blocking her view of me altogether. He puts his hands on her cheeks oh-so-gently, as though she might shatter with a stronger touch.

"Listen to me Blondie. I got Red. I won't let her out of my sight. And I'll bring her back in one piece, I promise. Come on, breathe Naomikins. I need you to breathe now, okay? Look at me, yeah? Look at me and breathe."

I can't see her face because Cook's between us, but his words seem to be working. Fuck, I want to go to her. But I can't. I'm the problem now, and I'm terrified that if I get any closer to her I'll set her off completely. I have to trust Cook to talk her down.

"You will stay with her?" The tremor in her voice cuts right through me.

"I will."

"You won't let her out of your sight?"

"Not even for a second, I promise."

The next seconds tick by so slowly. And then I hear Cook again. "It's okay. You can do this. We'll do it together. You need to pull it together, Naomi, yeah? We need you."

I think that's the first time that I've heard Cook call her by her real name. It seems to work, as Naomi visibly pulls herself together, shaking it off and using Cook to ground herself. Finally, she looks up at him again, and says, "Okay. Good. We should go."

She steps around Cook and over to where I'm still sitting on the small bed. She reaches out for my hand and of course I give it to her. She tugs me to my feet, and steps in close, almost touching me but not quite.

"You need to stay safe, Ems," she whispers. "You cannot take any chances at all. I need you to promise me."

I make the promise, looking right into her eyes as I do it. I know I mean it, but I also know that I would promise her anything at all to help her get through this, to help her be strong enough to do what she needs to do.

At my words she turns and heads to the door, never letting go of my hand. Cook nods at me as I pass, and I touch my free hand to his chest in thanks for what he's done. We walk in silence through the hallways, each lost in our own thoughts about what the change in plans will mean. My mind is churning through a to-do list, eliminating everything that is not absolutely essential. I'm sure Naomi's is, too. Her grip on my hand is so strong that it's almost painful, and I can barely keep up with her because she's walking so fast.

When we arrive at the briefing room we're met by Effy and JJ, as well as Katie, Thomas and Kieran. As soon as she lays eyes on me Katie storms over to my side and hauls off and smacks me across the arm. I move fast to step between her and Naomi, knowing that in Naomi's current state her response to me getting hit could be just about anything. I throw a look to Cook and he understands and pulls Naomi off to the side towards Effy before she can react. When I know that she's safe, I turn back to Katie.

"For fuck's sake! What's your problem?"

"What do you think, stupid? You disappeared for a whole day! I was well worried, you cow. What the fuck were you thinking?"

Shit. I knew I should have sent her a message when Naomi and I got back to the base last night, but I was a little busy and then I completely forgot. Even so, this isn't a conversation for right now.

"Look, Katie, I'm sorry if you were worried, but I'm fine, I promise. I'll tell you all about it when I can, but this isn't the time or the place."

My point is made, to Katie's frustration, when Kieran calls us to order. He barks at us to take our seats, which we do right away, Katie grumbling away beside me. Effy moves over to where Naomi and Cook are sitting, and Thomas leans on a chair next to JJ. Kieran looks worried and incredibly stressed. His face is red and he's sweating hard. Of course, he's about to ask the woman who is his daughter in all but name to take on a hugely dangerous mission while inadequately prepared. Add to that the fact that this will be the team's first serious mission since the one at the ridge and no wonder he's freaking out.

"We don't have time to fuck around, so I'm just going to have Thomas tell you what we know. Thomas." Thomas moves to the front of the room. There are no pleasantries today. He just dives right in.

"We have intercepted messages that make clear that at least one other rebel unit is planning to extract the hostage for their own purposes. They are from Europe and they are most definitely not on our side. They have already arrived on this island. They have gone to almost complete radio silence so we cannot be certain where they are, although we assume they are on their way to the Weymouth site."

"We will need to continue to try to monitor both the hostage takers and the new enemy unit, and to provide real-time decryption to you and to the extraction team. That means that I will be travelling with you." Jesus. First we're leaving days early, without night training, and now we're adding a new person to the team with no training at all. Fucking hell. I can see Cook starting to scribble notes and diagrams as he tries to re-work the packing logistics he'd so carefully planned over the last few days to make room for Thomas and his gear in the trucks.

"Our best intelligence suggests that the enemy unit intends to strike tomorrow night. As a result, we have no alternative but to go in tonight. Zero hour will be 3:10 am. As planned, after the extraction we will meet a commando team at the Alpha site on the coast and we will be removed to safety by landing craft from there. However, the change in timing for the mission means that we cannot take the landing craft to the Alpha site on our way to the rescue position. The tides will not allow us to access the coastline safely when we would have to be there. We are going to have to make our way to the rescue site by land instead. There is a group working on how best to get us from here to there without us being seen by the wrong eyes. JJ, you will get the new data as soon as we have it so that you can make the necessary navigational calculations."

Oh my God. We're going to have to go overland for well over 100 km through areas that aren't even remotely under militia control, with all the risk of detection that entails, instead of being dropped off by landing craft a mere 10 km away from our destination. I look around the room. The whole team looks shell-shocked. I see Naomi close her eyes tightly and take 2-3 deep, shuddering breaths. Fucking hell. Every change in plan just ups the stakes and it makes everything so much harder for her. She's so close to the edge, to falling apart, that it's scaring me. My heart is just breaking for her. Cook must notice her reaction because he puts his arm around her shoulders and pulls her in close. Effy leans in and starts whispering in Naomi's ear, trying to reassure her I assume. I see Naomi mutter, "I'm alright," and then Keiran takes over the briefing again.

"I know that this is a shock to you all. It was a shock to me as well. But this is what we have to deal with. I know you'll make the adjustments you need to make. You have 3 hours to make plans, do test runs, gear up and do whatever else you need to do before you embark. You're going to have to adjust on the fly, people. But I have confidence in you. You are the best we have, and I know that you'll get this done. Good luck. God's speed."

As soon as he stops speaking, Naomi stands up. She's white as a ghost, but there's a determination in her face and a strength in her posture that belie whatever fear and doubts she may be feeling.

"First of all, I owe each of you an apology for scaring you over the past couple of days. We can talk about the whys and wherefores another time. But for now, just know that I am sorry for that. Second, we have been thrown a curve today, more than one. I know that. So take a minute. Figure out what you need to do and how you need to fine-tune things to get ready. Think it through carefully, and then go do it. I need each of you at your very best. So get focused and get your shit together. We have work to do. Let's get to it."

That's our signal to start moving, and we each start standing up to get on our way. Kieran moves over to where Naomi's talking to Effy. "Make sure you come back in one piece, lass, or your mother'll never forgive me."

Naomi takes a step towards him and wraps him in a bear hug with her arms tight around his neck. "I love you, too, you old fart." Then she turns and walks out of the room to start over-seeing all the details she needs to take care of before we go. I'm both glad and indescribably distressed that she doesn't look back at me when she leaves. So that's how she's going to handle this. I understand why she needs that distance, but fuck me it feels like a punch in the gut to watch her walk away like that, without even a backward glance. Everything between us is so new, so fragile, that I can't help wondering if this is going to blow it all sky high.

As I am trying to pull myself together, Katie walks back to where I am standing and pulls me into a Fitch hug. I can't imagine how difficult it is for her to have to stay behind and watch all of us go. She battles to retain her composure as she looks over to Cook. "Take care of Emily for me, will you?"

Cook smiles and nods, telling her, "I already promised Naomi that I would, didn't I?"

She turns to Effy, then. "You too, yeah? She can get well focused on her little radios and gadgets and thingies and she loses sight of everything else. And she doesn't think about her own safety, you know? You need to do that for her, okay? Both of you."

She looks so upset that I can't bring myself to object or to point out that I'm perfectly capable of looking out for myself. I just hug her again, kiss her cheek, and say, "I'll see you soon, Kay. I love you."

As I am leaving, I hear Katie call out to Cook, telling him to take care of himself, too. He turns back to her, and kisses her deeply, before saying, "Always, Katiekins. Always!"

I see Effy look down and take a deep breath before following me out of the room. I wonder what that's all about. Could she actually be nervous? Maybe she isn't quite the ice queen I thought she was. Whatever it is, I can't stop to figure it out right now. I look back one more time to Katie, who's still standing in the doorway, waving at us. I can tell that she's trying hard to hold back her tears. I wish that I could comfort her in some way, but the reality is that she's watching her whole world walk away from her for this mission. We are all that she has. And there's no guarantee that any of us will come back. There's no way that I can make that better for her, so I simply blow her a kiss and then start heading to the communications building at a jog.

Cook comes with me to pick up the gear that we stripped out of the trucks the other day. The machine guns are already reinstalled, but the alterations that the techs had to make to the comms systems took a little longer and they weren't ready until today. We need to collect all the gear, test it, mount the pieces that go directly on the trucks, and hand out the individual systems to each team member. And now we need to put together an extra unit for Thomas, too. We plow through it all as fast as we can, ending up at the trucks about an hour after we left the briefing room.

A little while after we start installing the radio transmitters and antennae on the trucks, Cook starts talking. He's lying under the dash with his feet hanging out the door, finishing the tie-in of the final pieces of wiring on Rover 1. "Naomi and me go way back, Red." His face is calm, but he's as serious as I've ever seen him. He doesn't look at me as he speaks. He just keeps taping the wires that he's been splicing, struggling a bit to make progress in the constrained space.

"She took care of me when no one else cared. She believed in me when even I didn't, yeah. Kept digging and digging at me until bit by bit I started believing in myself. You don't forget someone who does that for you, Emilio. You don't forget and you don't ever let go. So, you can chase her. You may even catch her - if anyone can it's gonna be you."

He turns his head to look at me now, making sure that I am paying full attention. "But if you hurt her, Red… if you let her down in anyway, I'm gonna crush you. You got that?"

It's almost funny – the guy whose job it is to keep me safe and in one piece during this mission is threatening me before it even starts. But it's not funny at all. I know Cook loves Naomi. And I know he just wants to be sure that I won't hurt her. So I do the only thing that I can do in the time that we have. I tell him the truth.

"Me hurting Naomi isn't something that you need to worry about, Cook. It's not going to happen. I can't guarantee the reverse is true, but Naomi's safe with me."

He gauges my words, testing my sincerity, and then he nods. "Okay then. Good."

He's said what he wanted to say, and he's heard what he wanted to hear. I think the conversation is over until he adds, "I think you'll be good together, Emilio. She'll try to fuck it up a hundred ways from Sunday, yeah. But once she gets the stick out, you'll be good together."

The smile he throws me is almost blinding and I can't help but grin back at him despite the seriousness of our situation.

"You're a nice guy, aren't you, Cook?"

"Fuck you."

"Fuck you right back."

And with that, we both get back to the business at hand. The clock's ticking and I still need to do a test run with the night goggles. I want to test the exact pair that I'll be wearing so if I need any adjustments to the fit we can make them before we leave. Then I need to gear up and get back to the trucks. It's going to be tight, but it's do-able.

X X X

Naomi

Focus. I just need to focus. To not think about anything other than what I have to do next to get ready. First thing is to check the mount of the night scope on my rifle and take a few practice shots. The balance seems alright, but you never know for sure until you actually fire. I am just about to take position when I hear Effy arrive on the range.

"Naomi. Wait."

I turn towards her, cradling my weapon across my left elbow, making sure that the safety is securely engaged. All we need now is for me to accidentally shoot my spotter. Jesus.

"Are you alright?"

I am about to blow her off with a "fine" when she adds, "I'm serious. Don't bullshit me."

Fuck.

"Not really, no. But I am as good as I am going to get, so it will have to do, won't it."

"I know you went to the ridge, Nai. And I'm so proud of you for that. But I need to know what happened after. I need to know where your head is now about Emily or I can't help you."

"Honestly? I'm falling in love with her, Eff. I never thought that I could feel that again, but I do, I am. I just… Jesus… I can't even… She's Emily, Eff. And I just… I really need her. I need her to be safe."

"And…?"

There is no point in lying. Effy can read me like a book. Plus I know that I am going to need her help with this.

"And I'm fucking terrified that something bad will happen to her. I made Cook promise to protect her. I made her promise to be careful. But neither promise makes me feel a fucking bit better. I am hanging on by the skin of my teeth, Eff. But so far at least, I can honestly say that I am hanging on."

She considers that for a moment as she assesses me. "Okay. That will do for now."

"I think I need you to keep an eye on me, Eff. In case I start to lose it or try to do something stupid. You need to make sure that I make that shot no matter what else happens."

"I can do that."

"I'm serious, Effy. If something happens to her I'm not sure that I'd be able to make myself finish the mission."

"Nothings going to happen to her, Nai. But if it does, I will make sure you make the shot. I promise you on Pato's head."

"Oh my God! I forgot to give him back! I'm so sorry, Effy."

"Nothing to be sorry about. I grabbed him from your room when I needed him."

Oh hell. That means she wasn't doing well. "Are you okay, Eff?"

"Later. We don't have time for that now. Kill the lights!"

At Effy's yell the range goes dark. I look to where I know that she is standing and say, "I am going to ask you again when we get back."

"Fine. Now get your ass on the ground and take some test shots so we can get out of here."

I know that Effy is not dismissing what is going on. Ever practical, she is pushing me back to the task at hand. I think she needs to ignore what she is feeling now as much as I do. But once again, she is putting me first. God, I have no idea what I would do without her.

X X X

Emily

We get to the trucks on time, although just. I'm vibrating with nerves and adrenaline. I've checked and re-checked every piece of my gear at least a dozen times, just for something to do. I think Cook's about to sit on me to stop me from fidgeting so much.

I'm watching Naomi. She's in the middle of a fine-toothed-comb inspection of the Rovers. I get it now, of course. I understand why she's so careful about them. She's not going to have another blown tire fuck everything up, not if she can help it. I can't imagine what's going through her mind right now. The timing for us getting together really couldn't have been worse. I almost wish we hadn't got together until later so she wouldn't have to deal with the added strain of worrying about me tonight. It's hard enough for me and I haven't gone through what she has. I've had no time to digest what's happened between us. I mean, Jesus, Naomi Campbell wants to be with me. The whole thing is complicated as hell, but still, Naomi Campbell wants to be with me and there's nothing on earth I want more than that. But I can't think about that now. If I do, I won't be able to let her out of my sight. I can't think of her as anything more than the leader of this team and the sniper we're along to support. I need to let her do her job and I need to make sure that I do mine. Everything else has to wait. As hard as that is, it all has to wait.

While Naomi's finishing the vehicle checks, Effy walks the rest of us through the pre-departure check list. She, Naomi, and Thomas will be in Rover 1, with Naomi driving. Cook, JJ and I will be in Rover 2, with Cook driving. JJ's in charge of navigation, and our truck will take the lead as a result. Effy and I will handle the machine guns and look out. Thomas will keep trying to track the enemy transmissions whenever he can catch their signals.

Everyone's had a least some time to work with the night vision gear and adjust it to fit. We've all used some version of it before so it's really a matter of getting familiar with the particular units we'll each be using. We're going to have to run without lights when the sun goes down, so we're all going to get a little more practice with the goggles en route whether we like it or not. The weapons and equipment have been checked and double-checked and JJ's been given the new route that we'll be traveling. We're as ready as we're going to get.

I wish I could travel with Naomi, but I realize that neither one of us would likely handle that well. Keeping some distance from each other is our first line of defence right now, the best chance that we have of staying objective and staying focused on our jobs. But it isn't easy. Actually, it flat out sucks rocks.

I don't even get a chance to wish her luck before Naomi signals us to load up. Once we're all settled in we head off the base. It's weird to be going off on this mission like this. No one else knows we're even doing this because the whole thing is top secret. So there's no fanfare, no good-byes. We just leave the base like it's any other day, and other than the guard on duty who waves us through the gate, no one takes any notice at all.

As we drive, the only sounds we hear other than the trucks making their way over the battered roads are the occasional comments from JJ directing Cook where to turn. I can see the sweat pouring off JJ. The route changes mean that he's having do almost all the calculations as we go. He knows full well that if he makes a mistake that delays us it could be disastrous. There are a lot of off-road segments to our route, to try to keep our presence hidden, so the navigation is really tricky. The tension is getting to him, but so far he's holding his own. Even Cook isn't immune from the pressure if his white knuckles on the steering wheel are anything to go by. The terrain we are crossing is rough, for sure, but it's not bad enough to explain the death grip he is using.

As my eyes continuously scan the surrounding area for movement, I keep running through my part of the plan over and over - everything from getting my gear out of the truck, to moving it into position, to what frequencies I'll need to monitor and the exact timeline for the rescue. I'll be monitoring our extraction team's transmissions so that we can provide cover fire for their escape route if needed, and to help direct them away from any pursuit. Thomas will be with me to monitor the enemy units. It's a good thing that it's Cook's job to watch my back because there's no way that I'll be able to look at anything other than my equipment once the rescue is underway. I just hope I don't fuck this up. As we make our way further South, with hours yet to travel across the desolate, pock-marked landscape, that becomes my mantra: Over and over again I keep telling meself, "Don't fuck this up. Don't fuck this up. Don't fuck this up."

I have never been so afraid in my life.