I didn't sit with the Cullens at lunch the next day.

It wasn't that I was mad at them. I didn't have any reason to avoid them. It wasn't even because my father would be suspicious that the only people I hung around were the Cullens. I just wanted a taste of that normal life, the life I had dreamed about that first morning I arrived in Forks. It was hard to remember that we had only moved here a few days ago. It felt like a lifetime.

Like a baby just learning to walk, I stumbled through the steps of friendship. I started with Elizabeth, whose offer I had turned down the day before. Not only was she in my English class, it turned out she was also in history and science with me. Our names weren't that chose alphabetically, but we still managed to form a tentative relationship. We were assigned a history project, something about the Roman Republic, and we picked each other as partners. I was glad that I had started this "friend" thing today-I would have been left alone, a total loser.

I know, I know-what with the whole half-vampire thing, plus the Cullens nearby, and top it off with arch-enemy werewolves, I shouldn't have been worried about my popularity. But I was. At least I knew I was somewhat normal in that way.

And, yeah, I liked the feeling of normal. Once I had it in my system, I didn't want it taken away. Normalcy was an addictive drug to me.

Elizabeth was my key to the rest of my class. I felt like a scientist-or a stalker-watching her movements and trying my best to copy her, to act human. I watched the way she seemed to let her blond hair flop all over the place without a care. Her brown eyes seemed to sparkle with laughter, even after the class was called to order.

When lunchtime came, Elizabeth and I walked into the cafeteria side by side. I tried my hardest not to glance over at the Cullens-avoiding the inevitable about the same way a person tries to avoid death-and, after only a second of internal struggle, I looked over.

From my point of view, standing in line to buy my lunch, the Cullens might have looked like any of the other humans packed into the cafeteria, if I hadn't known any better. I noticed that no one really seemed to speak to Edward, but he talked to them, and, every so often, Alice would daze off for no apparent reason.

Elizabeth nudged me. "Are you okay? Did you hear what I just said?"

"Sure, sure," I nodded. "Yeah, I did."

We finally headed to our table and sat down. Elizabeth introduced me to the others seated there. I tried to concentrate and memorize their names, but I could feel several pairs of eyes burning into the back of my head. I flushed red, looking down. The color deepened as my anger grew. Why did I still have to be able to blush? The Cullens couldn't.

It was a long period, to say the least. The conversation at the table was filled with worries about tests-upcoming and those not yet scored-and boys. The all-girl table I was currently occupying a seat at seemed to like to talk about boys a lot. I can't say I didn't enjoy that . . .

But I knew a boyfriend would be impossible. Not taking into account the whole I-might-suck-your-blood thing, my dad would pretty much kill me. I wondered if most fathers were like this. Were they all so protective of their daughters? And even if I by some miracle managed to convince him to let me have said boyfriend, there were the Cullens to deal with. I wasn't even positive that they were okay with me having human friends, let alone a boy who was much more than a friend. They might think I'd do something horrible if we, for example, kissed.

My worries were pointless. I didn't need to imagine what my dad and the Cullens would think of my boyfriend. I didn't need to be nervous about my self control. What guy would want to go out with me anyway? I glanced around the room, examining the tables near us. So far, no guy had seemed the least bit interested in me. I guess I should have been thankful for that.

The rest of the day was a monotonous cycle of endless classes. I tried my best to pay attention, both to the teacher and the students around me. I smiled and laughed in all the right places, frowned and grimaced at the expected times, and offered my own funny stories of living with my dad. I couldn't reveal my secret of course, but there were plenty of other weird situations in my family that I could talk about.

The one that got the most laughs was the time we accidentally left my brother at the airport. It had been long ago-more years than I cared to count. My brother had been twelve, and I was seven. My father had been panicking ever since we had gotten off the plane. We were moving to a new state, and my father was always anxious while we were in the process of switching our location. He scooped up the bags from the baggage claim, scooping up me, and didn't scoop up my brother, who had paused to stare into the arcade. Even though we were earlier than we had expected, my dad was acting as if we were five hours late.

We had been driving for ten minutes when my dad got the phone call.

"Uh, hello, uh, excuse me, sir, but we have your son, at the airport?"

"OH HOLY-"

Yeah. And Dad got mad when I cursed.

Needless to say, we drove back to pick up my brother, who wasn't at all scarred by the ordeal. In fact, he seemed to have loved it, because he wouldn't shut up about it. "I looked around and I couldn't see you and I couldn't see Lila and I didn't know where you where so I tugged on this lady's jacket and she was real nice and she helped me and brought me to this real big desk and the guy asked if I knew if you were still there and I said I didn't know and he asked if I knew your cell phone number and I said yep you made me memorize it and he asked what it was and I told him and he called you and you came and oh they gave me these plastic wings!!"

My new friends liked to hear about my brother when he was younger. Back then, it had all been fun and games. He had been a hyper, happy boy that everyone enjoyed being around.

Of course, I didn't tell them other stories that were recent. I had just met them. I knew that even if I had known them for a year, I wouldn't tell them. They didn't need to hear about how he had changed.

After school, I rushed out the front doors, hoping that my dad was there early. He wasn't.

I started to walk aimlessly at a leisurely pace . . . My pace quickened when I heard a familiar voice calling me.

"Lila! Hey, Lila! Slow down!"

It was Alice.

I didn't listen to her and started walking faster. I wished there weren't any humans around us. Then, I could just run, and never look back.

"Lila!" Alice reached out and gently touched my shoulder the way a mother would try to calm an upset child. I could tell that she knew something was wrong, but wasn't sure what exactly it was.

"Yes, Alice?" I asked, straining to see around her and searching vainly for my father's Taurus.

"Why wouldn't you stop for me?" She looked really hurt, as if I had just told her I hated her outfit. "I know you heard me."

"I . . . I, uh," I stammered, trying to form complete sentences. I didn't know how exactly to express how I was feeling. I took a deep breath.

Alice suddenly looked disappointed. "Oh, that's what all of this is about? You think we'll be mad that you're making human friends?"

I avoided her gaze and nodded at the sidewalk. I had never before taken the time to appreciate all of the cracks, the grass beside it, the weeds . . .

Alice huffed. "Really, Lila, I thought you were smarter than this. Well, okay, Rosalie's a bit mad at you. But she's only jealous, really. The rest of us mostly support you."

"Mostly support me?"

"I think it's great you're getting to know more humans. You can learn about that side of yourself, something my family can never help you with. But some of us . . . Well, they're afraid you're going to lose control. They don't want to have to rescue you, because that will blow our cover, and we'll all have to move. Again."

I bit my lip, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. They were afraid that I would attack humans? If Carlisle, and maybe even Alice, who, as far as I could tell, fully trusted me, were unsure about whether I would be able to control myself, should I stay away from humans? Should I abandon the friendships I'd worked so hard to start today?

"Alice?"

"Yes?"

I really didn't want to ask the question, but I had to get it over with. "Do you . . . Do you ever see me, you know, hurt anyone?"