''How do you explain the things you love? You can't. You just do.''
''You okay, buddy?'' Julian asked softly when Haley sat down on her seat next to him in their chemistry class. She looks so tired, and it's only second period, he doesn't know what she's going to be like by the end of the day. She looked like she had no sleep the night before, and she looked like she's about to cry again, but she's not allowing herself to, so it's making her worse.
''If you weren't my friend, and if I didn't love you, then I would have so kicked your ass for asking me that.'' she moaned, running her hands over her face. Everyone has been asking her that question today, she is okay, she's just hurt at the same time.
Julian snorted. ''You wouldn't be able to kick my ass, Hales.''
''Well I would have gotten Nathan to do it.'' she said childishly, sticking her tongue out at Julian.
''You're immature.''
''You're annoying.''
''What's going on with you two anyway?'' Julian asked, referring to the raven haired guy that could kick his ass.
Haley shrugged. ''We love eachother, we're just taking out time, well I am. I broke up with Lucas yesterday, I can't commit myself to someone else so quickly. I need some time.'' she explained, knowing that Julian would understand. Julian's her friend, and he's been there for her, there's no reason why he wont help her out now.
''Good for you, Hales.'' he said. ''Speaking of Lucas, have you spoke to him today? Brooke said something about him coming to your house yesterday.''
''No, I told him not to talk to me. Nathan said he's been trying to talk to him at home, so he stayed at Karen's couch last night to get out of the way. He might stay there for a few days, then come home. He just wants to avoid him.'' she told Julian. ''So, I spoke to Brooke this morning.'' she said, with a smile on her face. She's barely smiled all morning, but then she can't not smile at the thought of Brooke and Julian finally getting together.
''Oh, okay.'' he said nonchalantly, not wanting to make a big deal about it. But it is a big deal, a very big deal.
''You guys are together! This is so awesome.'' she squealed, getting confused looks from the other students who were waiting for the class to start. They were confused because if what happened to Haley ever happened to them, they certainly wouldn't be smiling. But obviously they didn't have a Nathan Scott to save them.
''Jeez, Hales. Chill out.''
Haley pouted. ''I thought you were happy about this?'' she asked.
''Believe me, I'm thrilled. But I'm just not squealing about it.''
''Well you should be, you're dating my best friend which officially makes you the luckiest man on the planet.'' she stated, crossing her arms over her chest.
Julian grinned. ''I am, aren't I?''
''Nathan, Nathan. Wait up, man.'' Lucas shouted, chasing his younger brother down the hallway. ''Please, Nate. Just talk to me.''
Nathan turned around and glared at Lucas. ''What do you want? I've got gym, I'm going to be late.'' he said coldly. ''I'm not losing anything else because of you.''
''You've got her now, haven't you?''
Nathan's jaw clenched. ''No, I haven't. She's so scared, Luke. She doesn't know that I see it, but I do, I see that fear in her eyes. She's scared of getting close to me, because that fear is always gonna be there. She was getting over it, she was almost over being cheated on. She didn't need to know what you did, and now she does, and she's scared, and it's all your fault. Stay away from us.''
''Nate.'' Lucas tried again, but Nathan just glared at him and walked away.
''So, cheerleading starts again tonight, huh?'' Haley asked nonchalantly as her and Brooke walked down the hallway to their next class which they had together. Haley knows how important cheerleading is to Brooke, and she couldn't be more proud of her, but she also doesn't want Brooke to ask her again to join the squad.
Brooke nodded eagerly. ''Yep.'' she said, popping on the 'p'. ''You know like I keep bugging you to join the squad?''
''Yeah, even though all the spots are full.''
''Well, they're not anymore. So now you have to join.'' Brooke said in determination.
''Why, who quit? Wait, Brooke. You didn't kick someone of the squad so I could join did you?'' Haley asked dissapointedly, it did sound like something that Brooke would do to get what she wants.
''No, Peyton quit, but I was going to take her spot away anyway.''
The pain doubled at the mention of Peyton, but Haley tried to cover her discomfort with a small smile. ''Did she say why?''
''She just said that she didn't want to be on it anymore.'' Brooke said with a shrug. ''So, has anything else happened with you and Nathan?''
''Not really, we only kissed for the first time yesterday.'' she said in amusement. Brooke always was way ahead of herself.
''I know.. but I thought you might of changed your mind about not wanting to be his girlfriend.''
Haley sighed. ''It's been one day, Brooke. I can't get over it that fast, why are you pushing this?'' she asked, the exhaustion started to take over again. She's sick of bringing up what happened yesterday, she's not sick of Nathan, she's just sick of people trying to make her be his girlfriend. Nathan said he understood her reasons, so why can't Brooke?
''I want you to be happy, Hales.'' Brooke said. She does, that's all she's wanted since Haley came to Tree Hill, and she always noticed that Haley's happy when she's with Nathan. Brooke knows that she'll be happier if they were together, properly.
''And I am, minus the whole 'being cheated on and finding out by time capule' thing. I love Nathan, Brooke. I just, I can't be with him that way yet. I need to be myself for a while.'' she explained.
''Okay, I wont push it.'' Brooke said softly, knowing she may have just pushed her best friend a little to far. ''But you're joining the squad.'' she said cheekily. ''Oh, look. We've made it to class.''
Haley tried to object, but Brooke had already ran into the classroom.
Okay, just line up, order food, pay. Simple. Ignore everyone. Haley told herself as she walked into the cafeteria at lunch time. She knew that if she got stuck in the line with nosey people -which was ninety percent of the schools population- then they would start asking questions, like a lot have done all day. Haley's tired, hungry, and she just wants to go home. But no, she still has to sit through lunch, more classes and then cheer practice. Which isn't very fun for a clumsy person.
Step One. Line Up.
Haley walked to the line, and went to the back. No, she wasn't one of those annoying people who pushed in. A couple of people looked at her, and she noticed some of the people who sat at the tables inside were looking at her too, and pointing, as the spoke to their friends.
After she saw them, she didn't even make it to Step Two.
''Peyt, talk to me, please.'' Lucas begged at lunch, as he sat down at her table.
Peyton sighed and ran her hands tiredly over her face. ''Lucas, go away.''
''No, I'm not leaving 'til you get back together with me.'' he said, taking hold of one of her hands softly.
Peyton snatched her hand away. ''Lucas, stop it. We're not getting back together, I need some time. What you said on that tape, it was cruel. I don't know who you are anymore, you've changed.''
''Peyt-''
''Stop calling me Peyt, I hate being called Peyt.'' she told him.
Lucas looked at her in confusion. ''You love me calling you Peyt.''
''Well, you're not the only one who's changed.'' she said bitterly, glaring at him.
''Please, don't do this.'' he begged, somehow he knew that this was probably their last shot, he can't mess it up. ''I love you.''
Jake suddenly appeared and sat next to her. ''Leave her alone, man.''
Lucas glared at the two and stood up. ''Fine. Bye Peyt.'' and with that, he stormed away from the table in fury and pain. He's just lost the love of his life, his good friend, his brother, his Haley. And it hurts like hell.
Peyton turned to Jake and smiled. ''Thanks.'' she said softly. ''I thought you hated me.''
''I get why you did it. You can't help who you love, right?''
Peyton didn't know what he meant by that. She didn't know if she was talking about her loving a jackass like Lucas. What if Jake was talking about her? She didn't know.
But it made something flicker in her chest, and caused her smile to widen.
Haley ran to the quad, her tears threatening to fall. In the cafeteria it felt like she couldn't breath, it felt like all those stares and mumbles were suffocating her. She just had to get out of there as fast as she could, she can't deal with all of this, it's to much. Because with all those stares, and mumbles brings back the pain that she felt when the tape was shown.
Nathan stood up from his table on the quad that he was sharing with Brooke and Julian when he saw the cafeteria doors fly open and Haley step outside, looking completely in over her head. He quickly ran over to her, and before she even had time to look up at him he pulled her into a hug.
Haley wrapped her arms around him, knowing who it was instantly. She knew his smell anyway, and she knew how it made her heart race when he hugged her. She needed someone to help her, she needed all of this to go away. She needed all this pity to go away, she needed everyone to keep their noses out, but they just wouldn't, and it's getting to much.
So she started to cry.
And he continued to hold her, letting her tears soak his shirt, and her mascara leave a black mark on it. He whispered sweet, comforting words into her ear. He told her that he loves her, he told her that she's going to be okay, because she's got him, and he's not going to stop making her feel better.
He's never going to stop saving her.
''I love you.'' she finally said, sniffing against his chest when the tears stopped falling.
''I'm going to love you forever, Haley James.'' he whispered, kissing the top of her head. ''That's all that matters.''
Did anyone ever tell you it was rude to stare? Haley wanted to say to all the people looking at her with curious eyes. She knew she shouldn't have agreed to meet Nathan at his car to walk to the first basketball/cheer practice. Now more rumours are going to start, and those curious eyes are going to turn to accusing ones.
''BG, you ready to go?'' Nathan asked, breaking her out of her thoughts as he walked over to her.
A blush covered Haley's face at Nathan's nickname for her. ''No.'' she told him with a straight face, ignoring how she almost swooned.
Nathan chuckled and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, giving them a little squeeze. ''It will be fun, come on.'' he said in a happy tone, trying to cheer her up. He really wanted her to become a cheerleader, it just means he can spend more time with her, and he would play so much better if he had her cheering him on.
''Yeah, because I'm not clumsy at all.'' she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.
Nathan just laughed again. ''You'll be fine, anyway, you'll look hot in that uniform.'' he said huskilly, winking at her.
Haley turned a whole new shade of red, so she elbowed him in the ribs. ''You perv.''
''Ow.'' he moaned in pain, removing his arms from around her shoulders and rubbing the place she hit. ''Love you too, Hales.'' he said dryly, but then smiled to let her know that he was teasing. ''Didn't you go to CSPA? Where you joined on a dancing scholarship. Doesn't that mean you can do the easiest form of it?''
''Yeah, but my dancing was elegent, and I didn't have to scream be aggressive, be be agressive at the same time. I'll probably get distracted and fall over.''
''I thought you hurt your knee? Can you still dance?'' he asked softly, not wanting to upset her. He remembers when Brooke told him how a couple of days after Jack cheated on Haley, she had gotten distracted while dancing and damaged one of the bones in her knee, making it impossible for her to dance properly again, causing her to lose her scholarship.
Haley sighed. ''Yeah, because cheerleading's simple. But darn, I could have used that excuse.''
Nathan smiled and grabbed her head. ''C'mon you big baby, let's dance.'' he said, lifting her hand and spinning her around, causing her to laugh for the first time today. He opened the gym doors and led them inside, smiling the whole time.
''Again! 5. 6. 7. 8!'' Brooke shouted at the cheerleaders infront of her, and started to do the routine. ''Hales, keep up.'' she ordered to her best friend in annoyance, Haley just wasn't getting it. She didn't regret letting Haley join the squad, she just wished that Haley would get it. But it is the first day after all, she could get better.
''Brooke, I'm tired.'' she moaned, trying to keep up with all of Brooke's fast moves. She hasn't danced in months, this is the first time, and it's hard for her to follow all the instructions and try not to trip over her own feet at the same time.
''I don't care. Dance!'' Brooke snapped.
Nathan glanced to the side of the court, where the cheerleaders were practicing. He noticed how Haley was falling behind, and how tired she looked. She was already drained from the events of today and yesterday, she doesn't need Brooke hastling her too. But he couldn't do anything about it, which made him feel awful.
''Come on Miss. Charlotte's School Of Performing Arts, keep up.'' Alex, one of the best cheerleaders on the squad said rudely, following Brooke's steps effortlessly.
''What is your problem?'' Haley demanded, marching up to her and standing infront of the rude girl. She wanted to know why Alex thought she was better than her, and why she wasn't giving her a break. Haley's sick of taking everyones shit and not fighting back. So now she is.
''My problem is that you get on this squad without even trying out, and you suck, I bet you didn't even got to CSPA. God, no wonder Lucas cheated on you. You're such a liar.''
Haley gasped at those words, that stung in her chest. So she shoved her.
Alex shoved her back. ''Bring it, bitch.''
Haley grabbed her glossy dark hair, pulling it as hard as she could ''I have never done anything to you.''
''Ow!'' Alex screamed in pain.
Just as Haley was about to hurt her again, she was pulled back by the waist. She let go of Alex's hair, and tried to fight against his grip. Damn, why did he have to be so strong?
''Hales, stop. She's not worth it.'' he whispered soothingly into her ear.
Haley took a deep breath, calming herself down. Nathan was right, Alex wasn't worth it. Haley's better than her, she doesn't have to sink down to her level to prove that she's better, because she already knows that she is.
Nathan released his grip from her waist, and she turned around to face him. He took hold of her hand and led them outside, away from everyone else who was watching them in the gym. He didn't like how more people were looking at her and making them both uncomforable.
''You need to stop this, Haley. You need to let go of all this pain. I know it's only been a day, but you need to let go of it some how.'' he told her softly, taking her hands in his.
''I know,'' she whispered. ''it just hurts. It hurts all of the time.''
''I know it does, baby. What did you do after Jack? How did you get over it?''
Tears formed in her eyes at the mention of him, people have mentioned him before and she's been fine, but she's not fine right now, not at all. ''I, um, sang.''
''You can sing too?'' he asked in surprise. Flip.
Haley then remembered that Nathan wasn't there for her performance with Jake over the summer. ''Yep.''
''Are you good?''
Haley shrugged. ''If I say I am then I'm conceited, and if I say I'm not then maybe I'm in denial.''
''Hales, you could never be conceited.''
He just got another shrug in responce. ''When I found out about Jack, I just ran, I couldn't stop running. When I stopped, I found myself at one of the many music rooms, so I walked in, grabbed a guitar and started to sing. I guess that's when I realised I was good, and it helped, it comforted me, you know?''
Nathan nodded, feeling slightly warmer over the fact that she had just shared this with him. ''Let's go to your house.''
Haley gave him a strange look. ''Why?''
''Because you're singing, and you'll look strange doing it in a car park.'' he said with a smirk, and started to walk to his car.
''I think anyone would look strange doing it in a car park!'' Haley muttered to herself, then snorted at her joke. ''Nathan, wait!'' she called, realising that he was walking off without her. ''I'm not singing.''
''I hate you.''
''I love you.''
''Whatever,'' she grumbled, trying to hide the smile on her face. ''I can't believe you're making me sing.''
Nathan laughed. ''You know you want to. If this is going to make you feel better, if this is going to get rid of some of your pain, then we're going to do it.'' he said. ''C'mon, like when I'm hurt, I play basketball. It helps me. So why shouldn't singing help you?''
Haley smiled. She loved how he said we're, because that's who they are now, the two of them. And he's right, that's all that matters.
They were currently sat on her couch, Nathan waiting patiently for her to sing. He's so desperate for her to find someway to feel better, he can't stand seeing her in pain like this. If he can't make her feel better, then singing can.
Nathan nudged her a little, so she stood up and walked to the middle of the room.
''Don't laugh.'' she warned, pointing her finger at him.
''I wont, promise.'' he said, zipping his lips and pretending to throw away an imaginary key.
Haley giggled and took a deep breath. ''Okay, here goes.''
I like to say, I've made good use of my time while you've been away.
And it's true,
I've been in my piano everyday
thinking of you.
They talk around, I hear them whisper, It's the funniest thing really they think you're gone forever
I know the truth, It's just getting hard to believe it.
When they all tell me it's over
even the stars are aligned and I,
I follow the signs so clearly,
and still I've fallen
the quicksand's pulling me down.
I follow the signs so clearly,
and still they catch me
the quicksand's pulling me down.
I'm not the same, I can't sleep nights and now I'm calling your name when I do.
and yet without you, they say I get along better, better, better.
When they all tell me It's over
I'll damn the gods until the stars are aligned and I,
I follow the signs so clearly,
and still I've fallen
the quicksand's pulling me down.
I follow the signs so clearly,
and still they catch me
the quicksand's pulling me down.
Look at my life, look at my face, can't you see my heart bleeding down my sleeve,
you're holding my hand and holding my heart but I just want to feel your breath inside me so I can breath.
Somewhere in the distance I catch a spark of grace I hope it's something that makes me feel like I'm alive.
It's never to soon,
it's never to late,
so I start screaming out
I see your face
I see your hand reaching down and I yell to you and I say,
I follow the signs to clearly,
and still I've fallen
the quicksand's pulling me down.
I follow the signs so clearly,
and still they caught me
the quicksand's pulling me down.
I follow the signs so clearly,
and still I've fallen
the quicksand's pulling me down.
I know you can feel me rising,
And I'm on fire
if you keep on pulling me up.
Look at my life, and look at my face,
look where I've come to get to this place with you.
Being here to sit and lay at your feet and rest in your arms
And listen to your heart beat.
Haley opened the eyes she had closed when she had started to sing and smiled. She felt a little better, even though it wasn't much, it still worked. Some of that weight that had been on her shoulders felt lighter, she felt more free than before. Maybe Nathan was right, maybe this was going to help her. Maybe it could take away some of this pain inside her.
Nathan sat there with his mouth hung open in shock, he had no idea she could sing that... amazing. It was phenomenal. Outstanding. Miraculous. Fantastic... he just couldn't find the correct word to describe how great it was. Whatever word he picked, it wouldn't be enough praise.
''So... what did you think?'' she asked nervously, fiddling with her hands.
He walked over to her, and took hold of the hands she was playing with. ''That was beautiful, Hales. I promise.''
Her face lit up, kind of like Nathan's did on the dream. ''Really?''
Nathan nodded. ''Do you feel any better?''
''I think I do.'' she said, with a huge grin on her face. ''I love you, Nathan.''
Flip. ''I love you too, beautiful girl.''
AN: I updated early! I'm probably not going to stick to the 'update every Friday, thing' anymore. This story has about three or four chapters left to be honest, so as soon as I've wrote them then I'll post.
Hello my lovely readers. I hope you loved this chapter, because I loved writing it. I know it was shorter in words, but I was longer in parts. I know this was saddish chapter, but she can't get over everything what happened that fast, can she?
Thank you to mazzy for giving me my 100th review! And thanks to everyone else who helped me get there. Also thanks for all your supportive reviews and opinions, they continue to inspire me. If you have any suggestions and ideas, feel free to let me know.
The quote from the beginning was from 'Dawsons Creek'. And the song Haley sang was ''Quicksand'' by Bethany Joy Galeotti.
Please Review!