Hey guys. Sorry it's been so long. A lot of things has happen since the last time I wrote a chapter. A lot of it was bull shit. But I am back for a while and hope that you haven't forgotten me.

~Lindsay

Kendall

I might not remember a lot, but I do know that I hate hospitals. The fake nurses, white walls and the smell of covered up piss just made me want to leave here faster. Not that I knew where I could go. That was the kicker. Not remembering who I am and where I came from means that I am going to be in this stupid bed for a long time. At least they have cable.

Since I woke up, people have not given me the chance to really rest. A lot of them are doctors saying that they need to test me every hour or so. Then the nurses come and act like I didn't know the sky was blue or the grass was green. And my temper was getting the best of me at those times. The last nurse that was here made me want to tell her where she could shove her sun-shine act.

Though, not all of my guest were bad. There was a red headed woman who asked me to call her "Mom" that was really nice and understanding. Must be because she has two kids of her own. She sat beside me, telling stories of her son and his friends. Like how when they were kids, they would sneak out to ride their wagon on the toughest hills in Minnesota. Or how a few months ago, they blew up the hotel's pool in hopes of making a giant hot tub. Mom would laugh and laugh as she told those stories. It was nice to see her smile.

Then she would tell other stories. The sad kind of stories. Like how her son lost the love of his life when she moved to New Zealand for a movie role. Or how tough it was sometimes to be a mom to him. She explained that he didn't like change or anyone who had hurt him or his family in the past.

When she said that I felt sorry for her son. "He wants to be so strong," Mom sighed as she took my hand, squeezing it softly. "But his out look on the world worries me sometimes. Sometimes he judges people who shouldn't be judged. All because he was once hurt by someone like that."

She never told me who he judged, but my stomach twisted in knots when she mentioned this.

A few hours ago, Mom brought her daughter Katie with her. The girl was extremely tough for her age. We chatted about video games and spent some time playing Dungeons on her DS as her mother read her magazines. Katie would talk about things with me like her new con or how the stocks were rising, but when her mom was gone for a while, our conversations would change to her brother.

"I miss him, you know," she whispered as we watched Gravity Falls on the tv. The bed would move every so often to our body forms. "Dipper kinda reminds me of him."

I scoffed. "What? Paranoid? Because I don't think your mother described him as paranoid."

She shook her head and pointed to the screen. "No, you dork. Look at Dipper and how he cares for his sister." On the tv, Dipper had given up his chance with this girl so his sister could have her pig.

It left a bitter sweet taste in my mouth as I wondered again where her brother was. Her mom said once that I remind her a lot of him and it helped that the doctors said we had the same name. But this didn't mean I could replace him. "Where is he?" I asked, turning my head to the little girl beside me. "You guys talk so much about him. But where is he?"

Katie bit her lips and sighed. "Lost," she whispered softly. "My brother is lost right now and we don't know how long it will be before he comes back."

I pulled her close to me and hugged her tight. "Katie, I'm not your brother." These words were hard to say. I looked down at the girl and all I could see was pain in her tearful eyes. "I can't replace him, but until he comes back, I am going to treat you as if you were my little sister. And you can look up to me as a big brother." She smiled and hugged me. Making me feel like a good big brother.

I wish I knew where her brother was. She really needs him.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. A nurse poked her head in and my blood started to boil. If this is another test, I swear I'm gonna~

"Mr. Knight, you have a guest." From the other side, a small pale boy with raven hair shuffled his way in the room. When he was fully inside, the door shut behind him. I scanned him over. He was just a bag of nerves, all full of shakes as he smiled at me.

"Hey, Kendall." God, this kid was a wreck. His voice was even shaking. "I'm Logan."

Logan

I was surprised that they let me come in here alone, but then again, I wasn't. I don't think they really care for me. If I wanted to, I could most likely walk out of here without them knowing. But I had my reason for staying. For the first time in that room, I tried to taken in everything. The white walls, the outside view looking out to the hospital's man made pond, and the strange paintings that hospitals like to put up in the rooms. In Kendall's, it was a rough water color painting of a pot of flowers. It wasn't the only rough thing in the room. My attention turned to Kendall and that made me wish I could hide better in this hoodie Mama Knight let me have. His blond hair was tossed around his head from sleeping so long and no real care that James forced on him. Green sparkling eyes watched my movements as I shuffled closer. And his lips, the lips that sent my heart pounding, were set in a thin line of thought and worry.

"Why don't you sit here," he gestured to the chair on his bedside. "Then you can tell me all about who you are to me."

I nodded and took my seat. I soon started to fiddle with the sleeves as I tried to think of how to answer him. "Well...we met in the seventh grade at Middle Poke Middle School in Minnesota. Then you, Carlos, James and I moved out here to start a new boy band-"

"Big Time Rush," Kendall blurted. "The doctors already told me about that. But I want to know who you are to me." Slowly he sat up and took a look out the window. "I've been given information that I kinda already knew. The boy band thing wasn't one of them though." He snickered at his joke and turned back to me. "I need to know about the other people in my life. Like you."

I took a big breath and pulled on my sleeves again. "We...we are friends. We all are. Almost," I muttered sadly. "Like brothers." My eyes fell to the ground and silence filled the room. Brothers. Yeah, that's what everyone wants. Just four guys who treat each other like brothers. I sighed again trying to think of more to say.

Suddenly, I heard the bed start to squeak. Looking up, Kendall was moving toward me. I couldn't move as his hand genitally grabbed my wrist. He unwrapped the bandage until all that was left was the stitches that the doctors left. I just sat and watched him as his eyes flickered from me to the scars and back. "What happened?"

"Love." I pulled back my wrist and continued to re-wrap it. "I feel for a person who...would hate me if they knew the truth."

"You shouldn't do that," Kendall shook his head. "You should just tell her how you feel. And if she doesn't like you, you find someone better."

I growled, shoving myself up from the chair. "It's not that easy!" I yelled. Tears swamped my eyes as I turned away from him. I couldn't let my pain get the best of me like that.

"Then I'll tell her." I spotted the mirror on the other side of the wall. In the mirror I saw Kendall watching me, the look of determination plain on his face. I sighed at that sight. He was still Kendall after all. Memory or no memory. So what does that say about us? "Just tell me who she is. I'll find her and tell her for you."

"I can't."

In the mirror, Kendall's face fell only to rise in anger. "Then we are not friends," his voice cut through the room like a knife. It was so typical of Kendall. I almost laughed at it.

"You don't know anything. You don't even remember who you are." I turned back to him and just watched the pain in his eyes. "But if you really want to know who I fell in love with, go and have a long talk with yourself." With that I walked out of the room with my head held high for the first time in a long time.