PLEASE READ THE A/N
Alright everyone so I am just going to say that for the reviews on the last chapter I was not able to read them. In fact I am still not able to read them and I am really upset by this. I have emailed fanfiction to see about getting this resolved. In the meantime send me a PM. If you want to. I have also set up a twitter so you can tweet me if you want to. My twitter handle is xoashten and I made a snapchat so if you want to add me on there it is simplynessiec. I would love to talk to you guys. I am bummed that I can't read your reviews. So if you have a question PM, tweet or send a snap. I hope you like is chapter it is from Christian's POV.
After hearing Leila go off on me for not telling her about Ana's pregnancy I feel like I have to get out of the room again. I don't know what it is about her over the last couple of days but she has been driving me insane with jealousy. Even before she knew Ana and I were together in high school she was put off by Ana. after hearing Leila go off on me for not telling her about Ana's pregnancy I feel like I have to get out of the room again. I don't know what it is about her, over the last couple of days, but she has been driving me insane with jealousy. Why Leila needs to feel threatened by her I don't know. Although, when I was downstairs and Elliot had his arms wrapped around Ana I felt the strongest surge of jealousy that I have ever felt. I have never had that kind of feeling before. And Ana must have saw the look on my face because she seemed to get a look of Pride in her eyes.
At the same time when I was looking at Elliott and Ana it felt like there was a spark of some familiar feeling. Like maybe when it came to Ana I was always jealous. What Elliott had told Ana that she was a very strong person, some memories I guess just start coming back to me. I can tell that these memories are not in any specific order because they aren't making any sense to me.
The first memory is apparently right after Ana and I had gotten engaged. Elliott had her wrapped in a hug and I was fuming with jealousy. I knew that Elliott wouldn't do anything to sabotage my relationship with Ana but I didn't like seeing her wrapped up in another man's arms even if it was only my brother. Ana turns to me and tells me to get that look off my face and stop being jealous. Apparently we have been working on my jealousy issues. She had told me that Elliott wasn't going to try to steal her away from me and even if you tried I'd kick his ass. I knew she was telling the truth. Besides she was also going to be my wife soon. She had said the whole world was going to know that she was mine. In the memory the thought made me extremely happy. Truth be told even after the memories stop the feeling still lingers.
Before I am able to fully process the first memory I am automatically thrown into another one. This time I'm laying in a hospital bed. Ana and my mother are outside talking. I can see in his face and she looks distraught. She saying my mother that I don't remember her. Grace looks back into my room and can see that I'm awake she doesn't tell Anna. I think she's hoping that by me seeing her upset it will get my memories back. It doesn't work. All I know is that I hate seeing her upset.
That last memory was shorter than the first one but I feel like it contained a lot of Vital Information that I really don't remember. So in a way it's like I've lost my memories of her twice. Because I don't remember her after I lost my memory.
Leila is still talking but i haven't heard anything that she has been saying.
"Christian are you listening to me? Anyway i was saying I'm sorry about your Lost Child but Christian we are also having a baby and I can't have you sitting around mourning the loss of a child that you've never even met."
"Whether or not I was there when that child was one child was still mine. I may not have known about the baby up until today but I still have the right to mourn the loss of my son!"
"You're right and I'm sorry. Christian my biggest fear is that you are going to end up leaving me for her and I am going to be stuck raising this baby on my own. Christian truth be told I am so happy that I'm going to be your wife. I never thought in a million years that a guy like you would ever look at a plain girl like me. So when I found out that I was pregnant I was so happy because it was like this is the one thing that I know will make our bond complete. I'm sorry I ain't I know this may sound really stupid. But I'm just so afraid to lose you."
Something about this confession didn't sit right with me. It didn't seem sincere. But I put a smile on my face And told her that I forgave her for her rude comment. I also went on to reassure her that me and her were okay. But deep down I knew something was off and the only person I could get answers from Anastasia. I tell Leila that maybe we should get some sleep because it's been a very exciting and exhausting day. I also want to make sure that she's not putting too much stress on the baby.
Once I make sure that she's really asleep slowly make my way out of the bed and down the hall to Anastasia's room. I pressed my ear against the door to make sure that she's still up. I can hear like music coming through the door. So I knock. She calls out to see who it is and I tell her that it's me. She tells me to come in.
I know that I am going to have to tell her about the memories and for some reason this makes me nervous I know that Ana wants me to focus on Leila and the baby but there's something about her that just keeps drawing me back. Maybe it's the fact that she can touch me or the fact that we have a long shared history that I am just now starting to find out about. I don't know.
"Whats up?" Ana says to me.
"Nothing really. I was just coming here to let you know that I had some memories come back to me I think. They really don't make any sense because they seem to be from two different time periods. I was kind of hoping you could help me out and give my memory a little jog." The look on her face was priceless. Although at the same time she looked like she was getting ready to cry.
"Christian that's amazing and. Please come in. Yes, I would love to talk about them. Not to get anyone's hopes up but do you think this could possibly be you starting to get back all of your memory back?"
"I don't know. I was hoping that maybe talking it out with you would help me remember some. The one memory I had it was really weird. When Elliot hugged to you earlier it was like something connected in my brain and this memory just came rushing back to me."
"I could probably take a guess at which one that was. It was the one right after we got engaged and Elliott had said that I was a strong girl. Am I right?" I nodded my head. This made her laugh. I love that sound. "Yea that's what I thought. I believe that was a couple of days after our graduation party. We were in the kitchen and you were getting something to eat Elliott came up to me and said I had to be the strongest girl because I was marrying you. Obviously I would have meant it as a joke. You got so jealous. It was cute though. We had been working on some of your jealousy issues because at some point they could really get out of hand. But you knew deep down that way it wasn't trying to do anything to hurt you or me. If any boy or a man came near me you have to stake your claim. It was yours and nobody else could touch me."
"Really?" She nods her head. I don't remember ever a time where I was like that with my current fiance. I really don't know if this is cause for concern or not. It probably is. Over the past two days now I have felt more at peace being in her presence then I do with my fiance. " it sounds like we were really happy together."
"We were." She looks sad now.
"Ana please don't look sad. I know that the last couple days haven't exactly been fun for you. I'm going to be completely honest here with you it's like ever since you showed back up in my life I have not been at peace my head is at war with my heart and I don't know what to do. I know that the right thing to do here would be just to leave now and go back to my sleeping fiance. I know that I can't do that though. There's a part of me that's fighting to come back out and if I don't let it I will always live with that kind of regret. Now that I'm going to be a father again I need to know my past so that way I can get on with my future. Another reason I'm here is because I was hoping we could work the touch issue."
"Ok. We can do that. Wait though you said that memories have come back as in more than one. Did you want to talk about that one too or are you not ready?"
I really didn't to talk to her about it. She will get sad. I don't know how I know that so that I tell her no and that I want to continue with this. She nods her head.
"Alright, well then you are going to have to take off your shirt. You issues were always with your chest and your back." I do as she says. She makes her way over to me but before she is able to place her hands on me. I put my hands on her waist and I start to tug up she shirt as well. I know in the back of my head that is wrong but I feel like this could be an important step. She cocks on of her eyebrows up at me.
"If I have to have my shirt off then you do to. We might want to try hugging."
"With our shirts off." She laughs again. I am happy that I am the one making her laugh.
"Yes, are you going to argue with me on this."
"No Mr. Grey." She says. I can feel my head prickle. Something want to let loose and come to the surface. I know that it must be a memory but at this point I can't think she has her hands on my chest. "Christian is this ok?"
"Yes, it feels great. Please keep going. I will tell you when I can't handle it anymore." So she continues. Her hands go up my chest down my arms and onto my back. She keeps going in this pattern for a while. I must say it is turning me on. I know that I should not be getting turned on right now. She is not Leila and that is the only person that I should have these feelings for. At the same time if I had not lost my memories. I would not even be with Leila right now I would be married to Ana. We could have our little CJ and maybe another little child. One that looks like Ana with big blue eyes.
I start to picture what that would be like to have her pregnant and round with my child in her belly. Falling asleep with here in my arms. Us having our little banters back and forth. Sneaking away to have a few moments to ourselves while our children are running around playing tag.
I could take it anymore. I pull her to me and crash my lips against hers. Time stops. This feels right. She feels right. Home. That is what she is home. My mind might not be able to remember but my body does. It needs her life just like it needs air. This kiss is hot is and possessive. It's like my body want to remind her who she belongs to. I know that she has not been with anyone in five years. Knowing that I am the only one that has been the only she has ever been with spurred me on even more. I pick her up and toss her on to her bed. I cover my body with hers and I kiss and touch everywhere I can. I want to prolong this moment. If i could i would freeze time so I could stay right here with her. In this moment it is only me and her. We are the only two that matter. She is the only thing that matters to me. I start to grind against her and she moans out in pleasure.
Before things could go any further I hear my door open and Leila is calling for me. Shit. What the hell did just let happen. I look over at Ana with a sorry look on my face. She puts up a mask of indifference so quick. She is now cold and withdrawn.
"I'm so sorry Ana. Can we please talk about this later."
"Yea, I guess."
"Ana I know that I should regret that but I can't and I won't"
"Sure. Go to her. I need to think." With one last look at her. I grab my shirt and put it back and I also pull out my phone to text Leila and let her know that I was in the library. I knew that I could make it there before she could.
I have a lot of things that I need to figure out.