Thank you so much for the nice reviews, guys! They really did help motivate me to get Chapter 12 done. Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 12
I was relieved to find that the next day, Starbuck acted a little more like himself than before. He started out the day restless and searching for something to do. We ended up pulling out his Pyramid cards and playing a couple hands. His mid-recovery skill level was a lot closer to my own, making the experience more enjoyable for both of us than I would have thought. However, his energy fizzled out as the virus took hold, and he soon gave up Pyramid and everything else in favor of sleep. The tests and his symptoms showed it was only a common respiratory infection. But the fever and the seizure fatigue joined forces to make him tired, and his already compromised system couldn't fight off the sickness as effectively as usual. By the end of the day he was already very congested and coughing more and more. I had to tell Apollo, the Commander, and a few others they couldn't visit until further notice because Starbuck desperately needed to rest.
The brain scan Doctor Salik had conducted brought us no closer to pinpointing exactly where and how Starbuck's seizure originated. Salik decided not to put him back on anti-seizure medication since, if Starbuck did have another seizure, it would be better for him to have it now while he was in the Life Station so we could analyze it. However, Starbuck slept as much as if he was on medication, especially since that night and the next, his sleep suffered as the nightmares came back in full force. On the second night, he awoke having another panic attack much like the first, compounded by a cough that made it even harder for him to catch his breath. I coached him through the several centons it took for him to stop hyperventilating, and when it was over, he let me hold him close in silence for a while.
"Do you want to talk about what you dreamed?" I asked quietly.
He didn't say anything for a long time. Then, haltingly, he began to describe his nightmares - the last one and many before. He told how the Cylons would trick him into telling where to find the Galactica and then drag him off to the torture machine. But right before they turned it on, they would bring in the Cylon who appeared throughout his memories of being stranded on the planet.
"They tell Cy to push the button on the machine. The machine is at its highest setting, so they know it'll kill me. But Cy looks at me and says, 'No. I will not hurt him. We are friends.' And then they shoot him, and they press the button, and I... wake up."
He shuddered from head to toe, and began coughing. I hugged him tight for a few microns, handed him his cup of water, and stepped out to the Life Station mess to make us both hot tea. The vivid description of the nightmares had unnerved me. And he was still dreaming about the Cylon who he claimed had saved his life. Could there be an explanation, even an element of truth in the impossible story? What really happened down on the planet? And how could we find out when the only witnesses were a man with traumatic amnesia, a mysterious Being who stayed in another realm, and an infant?
Once the tea was ready, I took it back to Starbuck's chamber. He was still coughing, but the hot drink seemed to soothe his airways. I watched him carefully as I drank my own tea. His hands were still shaking, and when he tried to set the half-full mug down, he let go at the wrong time and would have dropped it on the floor if I hadn't just set my own mug down and been there to catch it. As it happened, some of the tea still splashed onto the floor and my dress.
"I'm sorry," he said quickly, turning a little red.
"It's okay," I replied, grabbing a towel from a cabinet to wipe off my clothes and then mop up the floor. He sat up straight and watched me awkwardly, muscles tense as if he were considering getting up to help me. I mentally geared up to argue with him if he actually tried to get out of bed... but he didn't. I finished cleaning up and then pulled another outfit out of my bag, changing in the turboflush closet and leaving the other dress to soak over the turbowash.
When I returned, Starbuck had curled up in a ball under his blanket. He didn't look at me as I ran a bio scan and prepared to go back to bed. His silence worried me.
"Do you need anything?" I asked, then immediately wanted to kick myself. The answer to that question would be a quick no, making any further conversation even more difficult.
But Starbuck didn't say no. Instead he said, "You don't have to stay with me tomorrow. I'll be fine."
I swallowed hard, reeling from the unexpected rejection. "Are you sure?" was all I could think to say.
"Yes."
Numbly, I got into my life pod and turned down the lights. I buried my head in my pillow. Starbuck didn't want me to help him anymore. He felt embarrassed about his weakness, his dependence on me. It was one of those male characteristics I only partially understood. And it made me angry.
I considered rolling over and telling Starbuck to get over his pride and accept the help he needed. I considered yelling at him, maybe even using a few choice words. Anything to keep him from shutting me out. But I knew all of it would just make things worse.
His breathing deepened, and he began to snore - a sure sign he was sick. I began working on more persuasive lines of reasoning. How could I convince him it didn't diminish his strength to accept help? That I had the highest respect for him, that I loved him more than ever, that I would do anything to help him get back on his feet? I tried out words, arguments, appeals, but nothing could match his rejection of my help. If I didn't help him, who would? Who could? What would happen to him now?
For centons, I listened to the snoring, occasionally interrupted by coughing fits, and tried not to let him hear me cry.
I woke early the next morning. Starbuck was still asleep. I got ready for the day and then went to the Life Station mess to check the food supply. Because of his sore throat and general lack of appetite, the only food I could get Starbuck to eat was duroy (his favorite fruit) stewed with hallas syrup and sufficiently heated up. I'd made several servings after my first attempt at the concoction was a success, so there was enough in the supplies to last the day. Next I stopped at the hub and told Jolette someone would need to check on Starbuck and take care of him throughout the day. I told her where his food was and made sure she knew what to do to keep him comfortable. Then I headed for the launch bay and boarded the first shuttle to the Orphan Ship.
A receptionist directed me to the lab where Chameleon was setting up the analysis equipment. When he saw me, he smiled warmly and left his equipment to come take my hand.
"Cassiopeia, to what do I owe this visit? Is Sidus...?"
"He's fine," I said quickly. "Couldn't be better. But you're not far from the truth."
The smile faded, replaced by a look of reserve. "My dear girl, we've been over this before. I don't think this is a good time-"
"Listen to me," I interrupted. "No one else can help him now. He's been having nightmares because of the combat trauma, and the lack of sleep has made him sick and caused a seizure. He still dreams about a Cylon that he claims saved his life when he was on the planet, but nobody knows if it actually happened. And he won't let me help him anymore. He's... ashamed, to be so weak. He needs to talk to someone who understands combat trauma and can help him see which way is up. He needs someone he trusts to be sympathetic and not condemn or pity him. He needs you."
Chameleon studied the ceiling for a few microns.
"You don't have to tell him you're his father. You can be his friend. That's what he needs."
He looked at me. "I assume you haven't told him about..."
"No, not precisely. He's not ready for that responsibility just yet." I laughed sadly. "Love keeps a lot of secrets, doesn't it?"
"So it would seem. The question is, how many is too many?" He sighed and straightened his vest. "All right. I'll come with you. But I can't promise I'll tell Starbuck anything."
I gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Just having you show up will make him happy. I guarantee it."
As we walked to the shuttle and boarded, I told Chameleon what had happened over the past few days. I found myself telling him everything about the past couple quatrons - all the joys and setbacks, all the times my heart soared or sank. Chameleon was the most polite listener anyone could imagine, and the trip was over before I knew it. After we disembarked, I apologized for rambling so much to him and thanked him for listening. But he stopped in front of me and shook his head.
"Cassiopeia, you have endured a very difficult time, more difficult than some will ever have to face. You have done your best to stay strong. But just as Starbuck needs to learn to accept help, so do you. His recovery does not rest on your shoulders alone, nor is it meant to. I am happy to help you, and if you ever need someone to talk to, you know where to find me."
I blushed, realizing he was right. Even in asking for help, I tried to downplay my own difficulties. Perhaps it wasn't an exclusively male characteristic after all.
"Thank you," I said.
He looked at my humbled expression and smiled. "My dear, I am very proud of you." He offered his arm, and I took it, somehow blushing and glowing at the same time. Chameleon hadn't lied when he said he could be a very good friend.
I followed Chameleon into Starbuck's chamber, staying just long enough to see Starbuck light up and to make sure he looked all right. Then I went out into the hub to give them some time alone. Jolette told me Starbuck's fever had finally broken, but he had seemed unhappy all morning and wouldn't eat much at all. I entertained the slightly selfish hope that this meant he was rethinking last night's request.
Knowing Starbuck was in good hands for the moment, I ran over to Myrina's to say hello to Sidus. His excitement followed by insistent snuggling showed he felt our separation as much as I had.
"Thank you so much for taking care of him," I said to Myrina, all the while unable to tear my gaze from the infant in my arms. "I'm afraid it might be another day or so before I can take him back overnight. Starbuck still needs some looking after."
"I understand." Myrina came nearer, lightly bouncing her own baby son in her arms. "And I really don't mind. He's easy to care for. Sunny disposition, doesn't cry a lot, and he gets along well with Xander."
"Sunny disposition, huh?" I jiggled Sidus playfully. I knew where that came from.
After half a centar, I began to feel guilty about not checking on Starbuck and Chameleon. Saying goodbye to Sidus again left him in tears and me trying very hard not to join him there. But I returned to the Life Station only to find I'd failed to escape the emotions.
I walked through the door, took one look at Starbuck and Chameleon, and knew what had happened. Both had obviously been crying a little while ago, and now they were sitting very close and talking intently.
"Just in time," Starbuck said. His voice was raspy but he gave me a half smile. "I'm taking you and Chameleon before the Tribunal for withholding evidence of my identity."
The joke, the complex words, and the saucy air all heartened me. "Is that so?" I approached the life pod and laid a hand on Starbuck's blanket-covered leg. "Any chance I can bribe you to change your mind?"
He opened his mouth to answer, but started coughing instead. I didn't like how it resonated in his chest.
"A case of quality fumarellos," he said finally. I gave him a look. "...For when I can actually breathe again."
"I don't know; Doctor Salik might take me to the Tribunal for promoting a chemical addiction."
Starbuck groaned and raised his hands in disbelief. "How many times have I told you it's not just about the effect? It's also about the flavor, the experience..."
Chameleon laughed. "Well, you have me convinced. I'll appear as a witness."
"Thank you. See, this man talks sense. He's going to come visit me again and help me figure out all this wacky brain stuff."
"I'm glad to hear that," I said, looking at Chameleon and mouthing a thank you.
"It will be my pleasure," he said, and I could tell he meant every word.
Although Chameleon's visit had energized Starbuck for a while, it wasn't long before he became visibly tired again. Chameleon decided to return in the evening, and Starbuck lay down for a nap.
"You can stay with me, if you want," he offered, looking at the floor. "It was really quiet this morning."
I lay down on top of my own life pod, more gratified than I dared to show. "I'll be here," was all I said.
After we both slept a few centars, it was time to eat, and then Chameleon returned. We all talked for a while, but Starbuck still seemed worn out, so Chameleon left, promising to return the next day.
Although the fever was gone, Starbuck's cough had gotten worse. His voice was hoarse and started cutting in and out like a bad transmission. I ran a closer check on Starbuck's lungs to make sure he wasn't developing bronchitis or pneumonia. The check came back clear, so I simply applied ointment to his chest and feet to help him breathe easier. He wasn't very hungry even for stewed duroy, but he drank the tea I gave him and stayed quiet watching the IFB. I hoped he was simply tired after an exciting day. When he lay down again and tried to sleep, his cough kept him tossing and turning for a while. I adjusted his pillows to elevate his head and then sang to him, rubbing his back and neck and shoulders. He fell asleep at long last, and I followed soon after, even though it was early. There were no nightmares to interrupt our sleep that night.
The next day, I woke refreshed, only to find Starbuck's life pod empty. I hurriedly made myself presentable and headed into the corridor just in time to meet Starbuck on his way back, followed by Jolette. Each carried a tray containing biscuits, protein cubes, a fist-sized duroy fruit, and a mug of tea.
"Breakfast," Starbuck whispered, grinning.
I felt my mouth hanging open and shut it. "Did you lose your voice?" was the first coherent question that came to mind.
He nodded and shrugged.
"But apparently he found his appetite," said Jolette.
"You don't say." I laughed and followed them inside. "Where did you get all this food?"
"Ask him." Jolette pointed to Starbuck, who just smiled. I couldn't help laughing again. That mischievous grin meant somehow, all would be right in the universe.
Jolette left us to enjoy the food, but halfway through the delicious meal, she appeared once again. This time, her expression was grave.
"We're under attack by the Cylons. The ship is on red alert. We may need you, Cassie."
I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. Starbuck's expression mirrored what I felt. I sighed. "Will you be okay if I leave for a little while?"
He nodded.
"I'll be back soon to check on you." I kissed his forehead. "I love you."
"I love you too," he said in a barely audible whisper.
The Life Station hub buzzed with preparation and suspense. It was only half a centar before the first casualty came in, badly burned from the chest down. As I and the other medtechs rushed to apply emergency treatment, I wondered where Doctor Salik was. Ten centons later, he strode into the Life Station and tapped me on the shoulder.
"Cassie, I need to shuttle over to the Orphan Ship."
"Right now?" When we're under attack?
"There's been an outbreak of Borellian fever," he explained. "I need to take some rivildin over there and contain the situation before it becomes a full epidemic."
Borellian fever, indigenous to Borellus, posed a smaller threat to the Nomen who had built up an immunity to it. But for inhabitants of other planets, the disease, left unchecked, attacked vital organs or even the brain. Housing children from multiple Colonies on the same ship would have led to this sooner or later. If only it could have been later.
"I'll gather all the rivildin I can find," I said.
"Good. I have to stop by the Bridge and find out where I can get a shuttle."
I stepped into the storeroom and stood before the cabinets. The rivildin was stashed on a top shelf, meaning I would have to pull the step ladder over and then climb up and down every time I grabbed a handful of the medication. There had to be a faster way. Suddenly, I had an idea.
I found Starbuck pacing in his chamber. When I told him what was happening, he gladly accompanied me to the storeroom and began packing the rivildin bottles into boxes as I handed them down. Then we each took a box and carried it out to the hub.
We arrived just as Doctor Salik returned, rather flustered.
"I can't procure a shuttle!" he exclaimed. "There are two basestars on our doorstep, so all of our pilots who can fly a Viper are out there now. And none of the remaining shuttle cadets has the skill to maneuver through the battle safely. Colonel Tigh is trying to find a Viper pilot who can come back to the Galactica without leaving a strategic position open, but it could be another centar before we get a shuttle in the air. Meanwhile, those children on the Orphan Ship are wasting away from Borellian fever until we can get them some rivildin!"
Starbuck coughed suddenly, and the doctor and I turned to look at him. He stepped forward and whispered, "I'll go."
Salik opened his mouth, closed it, and frowned.
"It's our best chance to save them," I prompted.
He sighed. "All right. But only if I can clear it with Colonel Tigh, and," he turned to me, "only if you come along and make sure he gets back safely."
I nodded and locked eyes with Starbuck. This was it. The fate of the Fleet might hang on the Viper pilots strafing Cylons in front of us, but the fate of a few thousand orphans could depend on one doctor, one pilot, and one medtech.
"I'm ready," I said. Ready to fly into battle. Ready to save the children on the Orphan Ship or die trying. Ready to help Starbuck fly again. Ready – now, as much as I would ever be.
And so Episode 3 comes to an end. The next chapter will begin Episode 4, and that means we switch narrators again! I'm excited about what's coming up and look forward to bringing you the next chapter of The Return of Starbuck, Part II.