Warning: More angst.
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Confusion...
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Sirius woke up ridiculously early, around five, he glanced over at James' bed and saw James curled around Remus. Sirius gave a small gasp when he noticed tear marks on the werewolf's cheeks, James' eyes were open and when Sirius sat up James looked at him, Sirius stared back for a few seconds before looking away, moving out of his bed and drawing the curtains around it so that he could get changed. He pulled off his shirt before looking up in shock when the curtain parted and James came and sat on his bed, "Do you mind? I was getting changed." Sirius muttered.
James simply watched his friend for a few moments as Sirius stood there self consciously, "Talk to me Siri... Tell me what's going on in that head of yours." James said finally, looking at his friend pleadingly.
Sirius sat down on the bed, wrapping his arms around his bare chest, "I'm not strong enough to do this, the baby deserves better." He said quietly.
"You're wrong." James said, "That baby needs his father, his father who, only a few days ago, was so pleased with what he'd accomplished at the house, so happy about everything that was happening. What changed Padfoot?"
Sirius sighed and avoided looking at his friend, "I realised I was deluding myself." He shrugged, "I can't do this..."
"You wont be alone... You'll have me and Rem... and Andromeda." James said softly.
Sirius shook his head, "It's not enough." He murmured, running his hand over his face and wincing as he rubbed it over his bruised jaw.
"You want me to heal that for you?" James asked gently, Sirius looked up at him and gave a small nod so James picked up Sirius' wand off the dressing table and cast a basic healing charm. "Why didn't you do it yourself earlier?" James asked, tracing Sirius', now bruise free, jaw line.
Sirius shrugged, "Didn't even notice I hadn't." He said.
"You should be more careful. It seems silly that, even though you've had books fall on you thousands of times, you still go back and aren't careful enough to stop it happening again." James said, stroking Sirius' cheek unconsciously. Sirius swallowed, James had a point... Not about the books obviously but... Well Bryce had hit him before, last time they were together, and yet Sirius was still stupid enough to goad him into doing it again. "What you thinking about?" James asked quietly.
"Nothing... Everything." Sirius muttered, looking at his friend properly, James looked worried and sad and Sirius sighed, knowing it was him who'd caused both emotions to appear. James' fingers continued to trace along Sirius' face and Sirius leaned into the touch, his breathe caught in his throat slightly and he slowly leant forwards. James didn't move, he continued to stare at Sirius as Sirius moved to kiss him, pressing his chapped lips against James' soft ones. James didn't kiss back but he didn't pull away, not instantly, instead he let Sirius press several light kisses to his lips. When James felt Sirius' tongue against his lips, pleading with them to part, he pulled back slowly, giving Sirius a strange look, Sirius paled as he realised what he had just done. James reached out and put his finger to Sirius' lips before the boy could start to apologise, "You're an incredibly attractive guy Sirius, you really are. But I love Remus, insanely love him, and I only just got him back, I can't do anything to jeopardise that. Besides... You're just stressed out and confused right now." James said quietly, removing his finger from Sirius' lips.
"I..."
"We just forget about that okay? Unless you want to talk about it...?" James let the offer hang but Sirius shook his head, avoiding looking at his friend, "You should try to get some more sleep, for the baby's sake if not your own." James said softly, he leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Sirius' head, wiping away a tear that was making it's way down Sirius' cheek, "Everything will be okay Siri." He whispered, "For what it's worth, I think you'll make a great dad... But if you are serious about giving the baby up then I'll stand by you."
More tears trickled down Sirius' face as he looked at James, "Thank you."
"Get some sleep Padfoot." James said again. moving off the bed and pulling the covers back, Sirius climbed in and let James cover him in the duvet and wrap it around him tightly, James then sat down on the edge of the bed and stroked Sirius' hair, "Everything will be okay." He repeated, Sirius managed a small smile as he closed his eyes, god he hadn't realised how tired he was... James waited until Sirius was asleep, and had been for at elast ten minutes, before he headed back to his bed and climbed in next to Remus, wrapping his arms around the werewolf, he was surprised when remus kissed him since he hadn't noticed he was even awake. "How long you been awake for?" James murmured against his boyfriend's lips when they parted for breathe.
"Since you left the bed." Remus admitted, "He's a mess isn't he?"
"Yeah." James sighed.
Remus gave a gentle smile and kissed James' neck, "You know, a couple of months ago I threatened to kill him if he ever tried it on with you, now I just want to hug him and tell him everything will be alright." The werewolf murmured, "Everything will be alright wont it Jay?"
"'Course it will." James said, slinging his leg over Remus', Remus drew James impossibly closer, holding him tightly.
"You're wearing too many clothes." The werewolf said against James' neck, tugging at the other boy's shirt.
James looked at him in surprise "You said you wnated to wait... You know, until our relationship was fully stable again so that we weren't just solving our problems with sex."
"And I stand by that, 'm too tired for sex anyway." Remus said, pulling at James' shirt again until the teenager raised his arms and let it be tugged off. "But I want to feel you, feel your skin on mine." He murmured, pulling his own tee-shirt off, James smiled gently before wriggling out of his pyjama pants, Remus did the same and then wrapped his arms around James again, "I love you." He mumbled into the boy's shoulder.
"I love you too."
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"Hey babe." Bryce grinned as Sirius walked into the empty corridor they'd arranged to meet in. The corridor led to several classrooms that had been locked for years and past students had dumped several old bean bags in the corridor, not many people knew of the corridor but Sirius, being a marauder, had discovered it in his third year. "You alright?" Bryce added, Sirius nodded and sat on a bean bag next to the other teenager who instantly wrapped an arm around him and kissed him passionately. He ran his hand along Sirius' back as he used his tongue to explore Sirius' mouth, then he pulled back leaving Sirius gasping for breathe. "Babe," Bryce gasped, "Fuck I've missed you, missed that pretty little mouth of yours." He added making Sirius flush crimson. Bryce stood up then, "Want to put that mouth to better uses?" He asked with a smirk, unbuttoning his jeans. Although it was voiced as a question Sirius knew it wasn't really and so moved until he was kneeling in front of Bryce, he suddenly got a flash of James' face in his mind and flinched, "What now?" Bryce asked moodily. Sirius wasn't sure what made him speak, he knew how Bryce would react... Part of him wanted that reaction, felt he deserved it because he had betrayed both Bryce and Remus.
"I kissed James this morning." He whispered.
Bryce's lips thinned and he grabbed hold of Sirius' shirt, dragging him into a standing position, "You did what?" He growled.
"I kissed James..." Sirius repeated with a whimper, yelping as Bryce let go of his shirt and punched him in the nose.
"You fucking whore!" The teenager yelled, punching Sirius in the face again.
"I'm sorry!" Sirius sobbed.
Bryce grabbed him by the hair, "Sorry." He repeated, "Well that's okay then." He snapped, then he frowned and stopped, letting go of Sirius and moving his hand to the boy's face, wiping at the small trickle of blood falling from his nose. "Look what you made me do." He whispered, "You think I want to hurt you? Why do you have to wind me up huh?!"
"I'm sorry." Sirius said again.
"I fucking love you!" Bryce growled, "So don't you dare go off kissing twats like Potter. Do you love me?"
"Of course I do!" Sirius said, wiping at his eyes.
Bryce smiled at the boy, kissing him gently, "Try to show it yeah?" He said quietly.
Sirius nodded, letting Bryce hug him tightly, "Sorry." He repeated.
"I forgive you." Bryce replied, reminding Sirius how lucky he was.
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James and Remus looked up as Sirius walked into the dorm, "What the fuck happened to your nose?" James gasped.
"Huh?"
"It's all swollen."
Sirius raised his hand to touch his nose and winced at how painful it was, "Tripped, managed to not fall on my ass but ended up banging my face against a wall." He lied, James walked over and cast a healing charm on it for Sirius who thanked him quietly. "You're getting clumsy." James said quietly, Sirius frowned, wondering if he was imagining the suspicion in his friend's voice.
"Must be something to do with the pregnancy." He shrugged.
"Hmm..." Yup, definitely suspicion.
"Lily was looking for you, apparently you were meant to meet her earlier and never showed up." Remus cut in.
Sirius cursed, "Shit! I knew I forgot something! I should go find her..."
James reached out to stop him as he made to leave the room, "She's tutoring firsties at the moment." He said, Sirius sighed and nodded, going to sit on his bed. "Why don't we play some snap, like old times." Remus offered, seeing Sirius' apprehensive look he added, "No questions about the baby, in fact no talking about the baby at all if that's what you want. We'll just discuss music and school and stuff..."
Sirius gave a small nod before smiling, "We can't talk about music with Prongs here, he has shit taste!"
"Oi!"
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A/N: Abuse of any sort is wrong. Abuse can harm you physically and emotionally as well as leave you feeling isolated and lonely. If you live in the UK and want more information on abuse in teenage relationship check out h t t p : // thisisabuse. direct. gov. uk/ (without the gaps)
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