12 . Desired.

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is Love."
- Sophocles.

He was still close, very close. "I won't change for you Ruby." He whispered, his warm breath fanning my face.

I whispered back. "I'm not asking you to." We were still outside the bathroom, Mrs Cohen. It was a good thing no one was home, or we'd have a serious bathroom shortage.

Luke looked at me, through his fringe. "You'll still be there for me, right? Even if I'm never there, or put you in danger, or smell bad?" His blue eyes searched mine for answer.

"Luke. Of course." I knew this conversation. Jenny had told me. I thought about it, really thought about how I could put his mind at ease. "On second thoughts, the smelling bad thing might make me change my mind. Just a little."

He laughed.

Perhaps that hadn't been the thing to say, Mrs Cohen. But, it sure eased the tension. He asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. I said yes.

Outside, it was dark. It was night, Mrs Cohen, so that was no unusual. He put an arm around me, and I snuggled into him for the warmth. We walked to the pier, Mrs Cohen, the place that meant a lot to me. To both of us. It felt right; felt poignant that we should be there on a night like this, on a night that something was going to happen. Something did happen, Mrs Cohen, but more on that later.

We stayed like that for a while, just watching the world pass by. This was the kind of things couples did, isn't it Mrs Cohen, sitting and just being together. It was confusing, Mrs Cohen, being Luke's other half in soul but only a friend by name.

I had learnt my lesson from last time. This time, there would be no definitions, only clarifications. "Remember that day week kissed Luke? The day that you tried to kill Mina?

"Yeah." I thought so, Mrs Cohen. It'd been a hard day to forget.

"Did it mean something to you?"

His hand ran through my hair, his fingers tangling in the choppy brown strands. "Of course it meant something to me Ruby."

"Then why won't you say it?"

"Say what?" Even for a boy, Mrs Cohen, Luke was very clueless.

"That you love me! I told you I loved you first, I think it's only fair I get an 'I love you,' back."

He was serene. "Love is not a word I use lightly Ruby."

"Love is not a word I use lightly either Luke."

"Oh really?" His eyebrow was raised.

"Really."

He ticked off the things on his fingers. "You love candyfloss. Fudge. Coffee. chocolate. Pizza. Movies – the good, the bad and the just plain ugly. The Who. Rancid. Converses. Shoes in general. Leather jackets." He stopped and looked at me, one eyebrow raised. "Do I really need to carry on?"

I was a little hurt, Mrs Cohen, that he thought me saying something as significant as 'I love you' was as trivial as leather jackets. "No. No, I think you've made your point perfectly clear."

He saw my face, his hands cradling my head, thumbs rubbing circles to soothe my agitated state. "Ruby, you know I can't love you. I can't."

I knew he shouldn't Mrs Cohen, but I had given up caring. He was still trying to protect me, even though it was pointless. I was part of his world now, in the same amount of danger as he was. Luke once told me that if I ever met the girl who was right for him, the one girl who wouldn't lie to him, the one girl he didn't need to lie to, then to give her his number. I was that girl, Mrs Cohen. And I already had his number.

It was such a shame Luke didn't realise, Mrs Cohen, and a good thing that fighting demons required brawn, and not brains.

"Oh! Oh." It stung.

"Ruby." He pulled me closer, so our noses were almost touching. "That not to say I don't love you too. It's just I can't. Shouldn't." It was not the way I'd wanted, hoped for him to respond. It was worse, seeing him deny himself – us – like this.

I wanted clarification. "So it's a waiting game? I'll have to wait until one day, one maybe day in the far away future when you decide that you feel the same way." I'd have to wait for him even longer, Mrs Cohen. Wait until he realised that he was hurting me more than any half life could. Luke didn't say anything, just titled his head sympathetically, as if he could understand my predicament. I took a deep breath. "Maybe I can't wait around forever, you know. Maybe I need stability and something more than friendship." There were a lot of maybes there, Mrs Cohen, and that meant that I was giving him an ultimatum.

"I..." He was speechless. He didn't know where this was coming from. He was going to respond, when his phone rang. Maxwell Murder. What the hell did Galvin want now? "Rubes, I'm sorry, we'll talk later, yeah?" His eyes searched mine, seeking forgiveness.

I cut him off. "I know. I know you have to go, fight demons, and I accept that. That's who you are. I'm not complaining. All I'm saying, is maybe I want someone to see me. To look at me and see me and feel about me the same way I feel about them. That's all." Perhaps I asked for too much, Mrs Cohen. Perhaps I did. But I would never know, not if I didn't take that leap, and hope, wish, dream, that it would happen. Was that too much to desire, Mrs Cohen? Because, I think it might just have been.

I didn't need to tell him where this was coming from. The answer was obvious. Lee. You see, Mrs Cohen, Lee really had been my kind of rebound, because he'd shown me what I'd really wanted. Sure, sure, I wanted Luke, but I also wanted that life, the one with the house and the husband and the family car and the shoe room. I wanted happiness. If I couldn't have Luke, then at least I could have that. It was a compromise.

I continued my monologue. "But that's not what I'm really saying Luke. What I'm really saying, is I –"

I was halted by clapping. Apparently, Mrs Cohen, we had an audience. And, this is when the something happened.

The figure stepped out of the shadows, and Luke's hand reached for the gun that he kept in his inner pocket. "Ah, ah, ah! I wouldn't."

Out of nowhere, someone grabbed me, Mrs Cohen, and I hated it. My personal space was being invaded, Mrs Cohen, and that did not bode well with me.

"Ouch! Lee, she kicked me." A hand covered my mouth, but it barely registered.

Lee?

Lee Lee?

"Hello Ruby." Lee was still attractive. But then again, half lives like him didn't age.

"Lee." Obviously, now was not the time for niceties, but it was force of habit. Beside me, Luke's hand trembled with rage.

"I'm going to fucking smite thee."

Lee laughed audaciously. It was kind of stupid, Mrs Cohen, especially when you had a gun pointing at you. "Are you really?" Baiting the boy with the gun. God, why had I ever been attracted to Lee in the first place?

"Yeah. I am." Luke jabbed his gun at Lee, just as Lee's accomplice tightened his grip around me. The accomplice smelt like wet fur and bear breath. Great. A Noisy Boy. This was a sign. Whenever I was in trouble, a Noisy Boy just so happened to be around. How lucky for me.

Lee laughed again. I wanted to slap him, right after I'd slapped the Noisy Boy that was restraining me. "You think that's wise?" Lee jerked his head towards me. "I could have her head snapped off."

"I'd rather you didn't." I whispered.

Lee laughed. "That depends. What's in it for me?" He tapped his chin lightly, thinking it made him look clever. It didn't, Mrs Cohen. "The way I see it is this – a fair maiden, pure of heart and one demon catcher. I'd say that's a pretty good haul, wouldn't you?" His accomplice grunted and I winced at the diabolical case of bad breath he was suffering from. "One maiden, pure of heart, and a demon catcher to top it off." He looked at Luke, far too happy. Luke was his icing; after all, he'd most certainly get into heaven on account of dedicating his life to saving the world. I was the cake, something I wasn't particularly keen on. I really wanted to keep my heart, Mrs Cohen, on account of that if I didn't, I'd be kind of dead.

The muscle in Luke's jaw twitched. "You know, we probably should upgrade you Cassus. Grade five is just an insult."

Lee actually preened himself. Clearly centuries of living had not yet taught him how to accept a compliment graciously. "Hmm, and I should probably give you smiters less credit. After all, how'd a lowly Cassus like me mange to get Ruby over here to fall for me." Ooh, mocking. We were so scared.

I snorted. "Please. Don't flatter yourself." Just because Abraham Van Helsing, the original Van Helsing, had not done his research properly, did not mean that Lee was a high level entity. It just meant we'd underestimated him. Just a little.

He turned nasty when I got lippy, Mrs Cohen, gripping my arm and dragging me in front of him, his dagger digging dangerously close to my rib cage. I'd been here before, in this same kind of situation. Only this time, I knew what to do.

Thank god for déjà-vu, right Mrs Cohen?

"Shoot me Luke. You've done it before, you can do it again." Luke's finger hovered hesitantly in front of the trigger. "Luke! Come on, I promise I won't yell at you. Or make you buy me pizza for breakfast again." His finger was still hesitating. "Luke, just shoot me already!" It was not something I thought I'd ever ask Mrs Cohen, but I knew Luke would never harm me. I trusted him.

I hadn't counted on one thing, Mrs Cohen; Luke could not shoot me.

And Lee knew that. Which was why he chose that opportunity to pounce.

He tried to rip Luke's heart out of his chest, his dagger sinking into Luke's T shirt, crimson staining the white fabric. I knew he was after Luke's heart. And after Luke, it would be me.

I scrambled for the gun, fighting hard against the Noisy Boy. I took it by surprise, kicking my way out of its grip and grabbing the gun. As the bear boy leapt toward me, its hoodie flying, I hit it in the head with the gun; a move that was surprisingly effective.

I knocked it out Mrs Cohen. Impressed? I was.

Lee was still trying to rip out Luke's heart. It was messy, blood everywhere. I aimed and clicked the trigger, staggering back with the force of the gun.

My aim was straight and true, the weird bullet smited him through.

He was the first freak I never smited, Mrs Cohen. And, looking at Luke the only Van Helsing left, lying on the floor and bleeding, I wasn't sure that Lee would be the last. He was bleeding, proper bleeding Mrs Cohen. I checked. There was blood everywhere, mostly on him and mostly on me.

"Luke? Luke! Luke!" I realised I had to tell him then, Mrs Cohen. Even if it was horribly cliché.

"Luke, you nitwit. Yes Luke, I said nitwit! Luke? Luke?" People had come around now, to see what was happening. Someone called the ambulance, and someone threw up in the corner. I didn't pay attention to them, only to the boy that way lying in my arms, bleeding for me.

The thing was, Luke had a destiny, Mrs Cohen. He could not afford to be injured. He had demons to smite, innocents to save. "I love you! Luke? Did you hear me? Luke?"

The ambulance arrived then, Mrs Cohen and they dragged me away. "Luke! You haven't loved me back yet! Mina's never wrong Luke, as much as I hate to admit it. You have to love me back! You have to be okay!" I realise that I sounded stark raving loony bonkers, Mrs Cohen, but I was a hysterical woman in love. You try being half as sane as I was. See, Mrs Cohen, not so easy, is it?

No, it's not.