Ciao!

Just prepare for a time skip. I didn't think I should write much on Lovino's two weeks in the hospital. I honestly think it takes time to heal. Especially after you try to kill yourself. I think it will take Lovino time... Hes been through a lot and is dealing with hating not only himself but his purpose. Feli also might be a bit off in this chapter. But I honestly did this on purpose. I wanted to bring out his protective side. Please enjoy.'

Chapter 12: When Vee~? Is used as a Threat-

" You are not allowed to come over to my house ever again!'

Lovino grimaced as Antonio sent him a pissed look. He was standing there ( For Romulus let them in even though he wanted to be alone.. ) and folding his tan arms over his chest. His dark honey brown hair looked dirty and his green eyes were full of annoyance.'

"As much as you are Mia tomato... we have a lot of old Spanish weapons in that house. So.. No.' he nodded as Lovino just sat there. He was getting dressed and this weirdo decided to walk in like a flood. Of course, he was used to Antonio by now but he was sure the normal him would scream and tell him to,

" KNOCK ON THE DAMN DOOR!'

But he just went for a glare that could freeze hell over and buckled his pants,

" Idiota...' he whispered under his breath before running a hand through his hair and swallowing. The doctors were sending him home tomorrow.. which meant he got to wear his normal clothes to get used to them again- and got to bathe by himself for once.

And although laying down into the water was tempting- they only gave him ten minutes to get his ass all clean before barging in again. He never thought he'd let people see him naked so much in his life- but he now knew he was mentally scared. He was either never going to try this again- or he wasn't going to fail next time. He truly couldn't tell which one he was going for.'

When he opened his eyes, all he could think of was that he was shocked... His memory could barely pick up anything. He remembered wanting all the pain to go away. To disappear... And as he stared up at the sky, he thought he'd get his wish. He thought maybe.. maybe all this pain would go away. He thought maybe he could stop being a burden to those around him; now... he was just a bigger one.

His hands shook as he ran them through his hair. His arm was bandaged and throbbed badly now. He had been at this hospital for a while now.. two weeks. TWO... WEEKS. Something about suicide watch. If he had known it was going to be this difficult to live on? He would have taken his Chorea pills AND slit his wrists. But no... his brother found him.

Feli found him.

Of course he did.

Romano sighed out and flexed his arm, letting pain shoot up his hand before he pulled his button up shirt on and rubbed his eyes one last time. He had been listening to Antonio rant for an hour now... His grandfather just sat there. He had no clue where his brother was- given the time? Probably school...

...

..
Why was Antonio out of school again- Ya know what? he refused to ask when it came to him. He fixed the wrinkles out of his clothes, and then sat down. His head was swimming...

Maybe it was all the thoughts.

He had to go back home tomorrow. To... To being worthless. To being Useless Romano. He had to go back to being in the way.. to listen to how people put him down at school. He had to go back to the pain that he remembered all too well. His fingers clenched..

What if his grandfather sent him away again? But not to Antonio... what if he sent him to a shrink, or a psych ward.. or...

Or.

Lovino swallowed.

Mama, Papa.

He kept questioning them why he still there to begin with.

He just scared his brother with something he should have never seen. He should have chosen somewhere else, he shouldn't have called Feli... he ruined his award ceremony... He bit his lip to stop himself from falling deeper into the depression that he was already so deep into.

Why...

Why did he ruin everything?

Even a damn suicide attempt!... You'd think that was simple enough, right?...

Right?

" Romano?"

Lovino blanky looked up, " Si?" he whispered. His dead eyes trained on Antonios, " I really don't want to hear where I can and cannot go right now...' He sat there on the bed, " I've heard it for two weeks now... " he cast his eyes away. Antonio bit his lip.'

"... Lovino-

" What... dropping Romano now eh?" he whispered and then looked up at Antonio through his eyelashes, " I don't want to hear it... " His voice was more pleading then snarky, and he went to looking away once more. Antonio narrowed his eyes, but then nodded.'

" Alright, Mia Tomato... S-Stay strong.' He smiled and forced a smile; before waving at Romulus and walking out. The door closed... leaving them in silence. Lovino felt bad... He had never spoken to Antonio in that sense. ( He had talked to him like the dick he is- but never with his whole heart and soul in it. ) The teen pulled his legs up to his chest and rested his chin on his knees.

It was awkward.'

"... You'a know... hes'a just worried.. that'a was a bit rude." Romulus whispered and shifted in the chair. Romano shrugged, eyes still focused forwards. The Silence went on a bit longer before Romulus breathed out slowly...

And then looked at Romano.'

"Lovino...' He started. Lovino didn't make a move to talk.. or speak.. so he felt as though he could continue, "... I know you'a don't want to talk about it. You'a probably don't want to talk to me'a... But. " he suddenly bit his lip, stood up and then sat in the chair closest to the bed. He made Romano look up at him, " I... Why?" he whispered.

Lovino's eyes shifted to the floor. He looked uncomfortable... almost like he was in terror at the thought of bearing his scars to his grandfather- But that was already done without his consent. After his surgery... his grandfather saw his scars. The cut marks... And then his grandfather walked in, saw his scratches and then wiped them clean before he could get any infection.

His grandfather had been trying to help him with his homework for the last few days. But the old man surprisingly had a hard time himself. He looked utterly embarrassed each time they came across something they didn't get.

Then Feli would come in, have to explain it.. and then laughed at them both. Not in a condescending way. Just a , "Its okay, you can ask me. It's kinda funny' Way.'

Romano bit his lip. His arms were throbbing from the memory of what he did to them. He had cut them... scratched them, and then sliced one open just so he could be free of this. So he could free them of everything...

His grandfather said nothing about his scars, but romano knew...

He just knew how the man looked at him. He didn't want Pity...

He didn't want his grandfather to pay attention to him just because he thought he was suicidal.

He wanted his grandfather to...

To...

Ah, He didn't know. He was worthless after all. What was the point in any of this? He couldn't even die...

" Lovino.'

His eyes darted up from the floor.

His grandfather softly touched his cheek and brushed a tear away.

"... Lovino... whats wrong?" he whispered.

Romanos' eyes widened. What... was wrong? Everything. That all he could think. He was worthless, useless. He had no talents, no strong points. Nothing. His brother had all the friends and when he did want to talk to his brother he was replaced by Ludwig and Kiku. It was always like this... When he was younger he had always wanted to be apart of this family- and now he felt like he didn't belong at all.'

After all... He would never be like his Fratello- He...

He was suddenly smothered in a soft hug.

Lovino blinked; his eyes widened in shock. He had never felt this type of warmth before. His brain kept saying it was too late for his grandfather to show care like this, His body was screaming.

He was...

Breathless.'

" I don't know what is going through your mind... And if you don'ta want to tell me... Then that is okay. " He pulled back from the hug all too soon and stroked the boys head, " But we'a love you very much... And everything is going to get better.' he forced a light smile.

Was everything going to get better? But... how did it get better for someone who had no worth?... H-How? He looked down conflicted before feeling his grandfather pat his head again and then smile.

" Just'a you wait... Feli and I are gonna wait your first day back at home so nice'a!" he smiled brightly.

And Although the idea was... kind of exciting, Romano didn't know what to think.

Was this because they actually cared... or was it because he was suicidal? If he got better; would it just go back to being the way it was? Because if that was the case then he didn't want to get better... it'd be better to end the now then to have to feel it again later on down the road.

He didn't get much sleep that night- no matter how much the doctors tried to help him.'

" OH FELI! Its been a while yes?"

Feli looked up from his locker to see a bright, smiling female. She had wavy brown hair, a pretty flower to go with it and a nice fitting uniform. He'd find her pretty- if she hadn't helped raise him before his grandfather had gotten him when he was younger-

" Oh'a! Miss Elizabeth!" He grinned, " Its'a great to see you! Visiting the school?" She kinda lived far away... Austria far... away. It was a long story that Feli didn't want to think about at the moment. All he wanted to do was smile; Because lately his smiles had been dampened by the mood at home. Like a wet rag that was laid over someone's skin; but had long grown cold because no one was paying attention to it.

Ugh.

Icky.'

" OH YES! " She lit up, " I was visiting... You know how Ludwigs older brother has transferred here and all-

" Vee! He has'a? I can see him here!?" Feli lit up. It was an upside to see his childhood friends after so many years. He needed that, especially after his brother trying to kill himself. Of course he knew he wasn't the one that needed the support.. but it was nice to have something to take your mind off of the pain of home.

So he lit up.

" Oh yes! He's in the Senior line up though.' She giggled, " I was coming to visit, kind of checking out the school myself.' She lit up. He hair swayed just a bit, " But I also know that Gilbert goes here so maybe not...' She growled under her breathe, " How no one has throttled him with a shovel yet I will never know..'

Feli paled.

Yep...

Classic Elizabeth.'

" W-Well... I-I'a have class... so..' he laughed, backing away. Okay.. maybe seeing her wasn't what he needed. But at least it did take his mind off of his brother. Yep. Instead it went to possibly warning Gilbert to write his will early. It was that or he was overreacting but Feli swore he never did. ( Or did he? Ludwig would always look so exhausted at the end of the day... Something about Feli being everywhere and nowhere at the same time. )

" Oh! Well, see you later then!" She grinned, waved, and then seemed to catch sight of her target because she ran off. Feli relaxed and then scrambled on his way to class... following Ludwig who was on his way to math.

Feli whined out.'

" Vhat?"

" Its'a math...'

" So?" Ludwig readjusted his books, ' You've been studying right?" He blinked. Feli wasn't going to answer that question... He had and yet hadn't been but that was not why he was whining at the moment.

"... A-Alfred..." He groaned.

Alfred had been back for a while now; and since Lovino wasn't there to be pissed at. He would occasionally glare at Feli. He had no ill intent against the youngest Vargas, he just wanted to know where Lovino was. He would have his moments where'd he'd throw off.

This had been happening for a while.

Feli was expecting Alfred to corner him and ask him where the hell his brother was- and Feli wasn't sure how he was going to answer such a blunt question. After all... His brother was NOT opening up. He had been practically dead for the last few weeks... he wouldn't talk to him or his grandfather and it would be at random times that Lovino would cry over nothing in particular.

He was worried about his family more than anything. And Alfred's snarky comments weren't making it any better for him.

He HATED fighting. Call him a coward... If Alfred had been the one beating him up? He would have been on his hands and knees begging he stopped- Lovino at least clawed at Alfred and gave him some interesting looking scars.'

He was still scared but at least he did that much.'

But... Feli did have to admit something.

He had patience.

And by god- That patience was running thin. REALLY... thin. His patience was very long and didn't break a lot. He was Feli Vargas after all! He was sweet and kind and all that stuff wrapped into one, But there was one thing you didn't do... and that was mess with his family.

Feli sighed out and dragged in behind Ludwig, He sat down in his usual spot; One one side of Antonio ( who was not there... again. God. How did he pass? Oh yeah.. Home-Economics. ) He rested his head on his hand and started to hum sweetly. It was a song he wrote when he was a little boy. He used to hum it when he thought about his grandfather- and his brother.'

Draw a circle that's the earth.

Draw a circle that's the earth.

Draw a circle that's the earth-

" I see he came in alone again today-'

Feli almost felt himself change the lyrics to- I am pissed off.' But he took in a sip of breath and turned in his seat to look at Ludwig.

" Hey, Hey Hey! Ludwig! " he grinned, " Can I borrow your'a pencil? I forgot'a mine.. Okay- I kinda- sorta- stepped on it! I'ma sorry! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I SWEAR-'

" Vil you calm down and take the pencil already? I've been holding it out to you the moment you asked... Mein's head hurts too much for the tyred Feli; I honestly can't believe your doesn't.''

" I have'a a stronnnngggg immune syste-'

" That's a lie.' Ludwig deadpanned and then sighed out as he took out his extra pencil. Class would be starting soon- if the teacher would come out of the break room and get her butt in there. Ludwig swore... everytime class started she took forever, merely because she was scared to see them. Why the heck did she even become a teacher if she was just going to let her younger brother do everything?

Feli giggled, " Ahhhh.. Ludwig, You know me so well'a!"

"You're not supposed to admit you openly lied like that...'

" BUT!"

" Nein...' Ludwig shook his head, and Feli felt his smile return tenfold. He wanted to start singing again! And Maybe eat a good lunch! And then he'd get some more and then take it to Romano and have him try some! He wasn't going to let the negative comments bug him at all! What Alfred said didn't matter, What Alfred did would not, and could not make or break his day!

He was going to be strong for his big brother Romano!

Feli grinned and turned back around in his desk; He felt so much lighter- so much freeier! He would have to rub this off on Lovi! He giggled, innocently hoping that he could make someone's day brighter. Kiku was in English period ( For he was still having problems with his 'R's... No matter how much he tried to convince the teacher it was his accent. Nothing more. ) So Feli was even more happy at the prospect of seeing his friend.

People had been pretty worried about him. He had worried his friends and it made him feel bad- After all. He almost didn't show for a week to school, and the principal was so mad! Until the situation was explained. He had asked if he should make an announcement to the class...

But Feli didn't want that.

Lovino probably didn't want people to know that he tried to die.

Some people were so cruel. They wouldn't understand. Some people could say he was trying to take the easy way out; some saying he was craving for attention and sure as hell got it. Feli didn't want to hear that about his brother- So he said no. Only Ludwig, Kiku, Antonio, Gilbert and Francis knew. They were friends and yet they were family in a weird sense.

Feli just wanted to be strong now for Lovino. So when teachers asked where Lovino was? He simply giggled and said, " Big brother is sick!'

Now his brother had been 'sick' for two weeks and things were looking funny. But the teachers hadn't said anything- and he wondered if the principal told them... and they weren't saying anything because they knew his wishes on the matter.

So he just let it slide.

Feli grinned in his thoughts- until he felt his desk vibrate with motion. He blinked open his eyes and he noticed that Alfred had ' Mistakenly' Hit his desk. Not that he cared.. it was just a small hit- that is until he heard Alfred yawn loudly.

" Guess the Lazy Ass Romano club got put back in business... I don't see the guy here.' He plopped down and smirked, " Ah... he probably just took my advice and isn't coming back to school. It's not like he fits in here anyway-'

That's as far as that sentence went.

Because feli's patience snapped.

Ludwig thought he saw a demon rise forth from the pits of hell itself with how Feli got up. Slammed his books down, stomped over to Alfred... grabbed him by his tie and yanked him up from his sitting position.

Cue awkward pause- given Alfred was so much taller...

" You'a listen here you'a Bastardo...' Feli smiled, slowly wrapping his hand up the tie- almost cutting off Alfred's air supply, " I dont'a want to hear anything from your mouth again about my Fratello.' he giggled- Although dark was a better way to describe it, " Hes'a not sick.. he's a not messed up. He did'a more then take someone's advice you dick... " He suddenly glared, " My brother tried to kill himself- and if you keep talking about my family I will beat you to hell and back right here- You got me? Huh? Vee?" He almost smirked- Ludwig paled dramatically.'

" Oh Mein Gott someone grab him!"

All Feli could remember was someone grabbing him, pulling him back and then yanking him into the hall.'

" THE HELL FELI!?" Ludwig twitched.

He was NEVER pissing off Feli. Whether it be over pasta or a world cup series if this was how Feli acted when he mad?... God no. He knew Feli could get angry and call people bastards... but he didn't think physical was in the category. He thought Feli was born with a white flag- Apparently, that flag had more than one meaning...

"I-... I'm sorry... I...' feli faltered, "... The way he said that... Saying, That he probably wasn't coming back... It made me upset. My Fratello might not come back if he tries to hurt himself again-... I guess.. " his voice dropped to a whisper, " I guess he just voiced my own worry. I mean... ' he laughed, and scratched the back of his neck, " What if I can't help my Fratello? What if he does die?... I only did what I would do for my Fratello. Wouldn't you do it for Gilbert?" He looked Ludwig dead in the eye.

" Gilbert doesn't need help-

" Thats'a where your'a wrong!" Feli snapped, before looking down, twiddling his fingers, " I'a thought Lovino was just good on his own... I thought he was'a okay. And then he tried to kill himself-

" Gilbert isn't like that-

" How'a do you know!? How does anyone KNOW when someone is going through something!? People spout off and say such stupid things.. and.. They'a don't think about the consequences- OH GOD!" Feli suddenly went into spazz mode, " I'a told him about my big brother! This is bad! He'sa gonna have the whole school knowing!" He started jittering.

Lovino didn't need fake pity from people who hardly even knew him. Lovino needed someone that could understand him in the best ways possible! Not someone that gave him a sympathetic, " That's so sad.. are you getting help for it?' look.

" Nein... Don't vorry... I'll 'talk' to him about it... Relax... And Feli?"

"S-Si?"

" Don't ever ask for help again if you can damn well handle yourself...'

Feli blinked back his tears- Swallowed a laugh.. and then giggled.'

" Hehe... I'a can't promise you anything.' He winked.

He didn't think the pressure was building up like that... But he was grateful that he had a friend to scream it out too. He was glad he could let all of that out... and now he got to see his brother tomorrow. Back and home.. and everything.

But he was also worried about that too.

Given Lovino wasn't exactly better, Not mentally anyway.
Plus...

He was going to be pissed when he found out they practically baby proofed the house...

Romulus sighed out as he tried to make dinner that night- just something quick for him and Feli so they could take it to the hospital for Romano...

But...

"... Feli!"

" Si Nonno?"

"... Can'a you open the drawer?'

"... E-Erm...' feli laughed awkwardly, held up his hands and took a step back. Romulus paled... and then looked at the phone.

"... Take out?"

"...Si... '