June 6, 2011
If you have stuck with me this long Thank You. It has been hard to write lately because my voices are mad at me. I give a shout out to RangaRose for being my beta. Her story Life Changes Sometimes is great and you guys should really give it a read and send her some love.
I do not own VA but that which the voices give me I can claim. (Yes I know I am insane. That is what happens when you willingly surround yourself with 2-5 year olds every day for over ten years.)
Chapter 12: Difficult Memories.
I wish I could say that I had a deep and peaceful sleep; no I dreamed of the day I had nearly watched my Roza die. It had been nearly a month since we had given ourselves to each other for the first time. We had told only those who needed to know about our relationship; Kirkova, Alberta, Janine, my family, and Rose's close friends. The Guardians had been made aware so that they would know not to draw attention to us if they caught us.
It was amazing how much we were accepted and supported by those who knew. We were not spared the lectures about how scandalous this would be to the greater Moroi world but at the same time they could see how much in love we were. It was mentioned how well we worked as a team (with Christian too) on the night of the Attack. Alberta told us that a love as pure as ours should not be stopped. Janine told me that she knew what it was like to be as in love as Rose was with me, then she threatened to rip off my (and Rose's) favorite appendage if I ever hurt her; she also told me that if Rose ever gave the word to her mother she would have her father take me out. I don't know who her father is but I felt a chill run down my spine.
We were given permission to date as long as the general school populous didn't find out till the day of graduation. Also since Rose's 18th birthday was just the week after the Attack we were given permission to leave campus for the weekends. We were supposed to use the time training in survival skills. I was given training in survival skills at St Basils on request from Ivan's father. Ivan was one for adventure and his father wanted to know I would be able to handle it if things got hairy. I wanted to teach these things to my Roza.
On Fridays after school we would leave campus in that damned Honda Pilot and head for some where new to camp. Rose took to it much easier than I would have expected. Not once did I hear her complain about the lack of a plug for her hairdryer. I taught her how to hunt small game. She did complain about skinning a rabbit she kept saying it wasn't right to skin Thumper. I taught her how to fish in a stream and how to cook over a fire. She learned how to pitch a tent and how to make a Lean-to.
Our camping trips were more than just training. We would make love for hours in our lean-to and dream about our future. For the four years that Lissa would be attending Lehigh I would transfer to court while Rose Guarded Lissa. When Lissa was done with school I would transfer to be Christian's guardian. After the way we fought during the attack, both working to keep Chris safe and doing our duty; I am not so afraid that we would leave our charge unprotected to protect each other.
The only part of our daydreams about the future that was uncomfortable was when we would talk about children. I have always wanted to be a father and I knew that choosing Rose meant choosing a childless life. She knew how I felt and though she didn't want kids till she was at least 25 maybe 30 she felt bad that we would never be able to have a baby. I would assure her that I was ok with not having a baby but she would cry because she felt broken.
Those training weekends stand out in my memory as some of my happiest moments. But the dream I saw materialize was one of the worst.
I was observing with Jean in the senior's Improvised weapons class. I was evaluating Rose to see what I might need to help her improve on. In this class the students take turns playing Guardian or Strigoi. They don protective gear and use common items to fend off the 'Strigoi'.
It was Roza's turn at playing offensive against James Barns. He was holding on to a chair with a broken leg and was using it to keep her at bay. I knew what she was doing! She was lulling him into thinking it was working. I could see her plan just a millisecond before she implemented it.
Roza ran towards him. She would kick the chair out of his hand and get him defenseless. The only flaw in her plan was that there was water on the floor from a broken vase of flowers. She skidded into the water and was not able to control her movement, nor could she get the balance needed to kick the chair out of her way. I began running to her but could not get there in time to stop it. She ran body first into the broken chair leg. Her protective gear faltered and she was impaled. Barns not knowing better pulled the chair away from her body leaving a gaping wound.
I caught her as she was falling and laid her on the floor. She tried to say my name as her eyes fluttered and closed. She was sweaty from her workout but I couldn't rule out shock. I heard running but paid little attention to it. I took off my duster and rolled it to put under her feet. I was thankful that the novices are taught basic first aid. Someone came running up and handed me a pile of clean towels from the locker room. I used some to cover her legs. I had to remove the protective gear so I used the sharp tip of my stake to cut the straps. Her sports bra was restricting her breathing and without giving it a second thought I cut that to; right between her breasts and covered her chest with another towel.
Jean handed me a med kit and I searched it for some alcohol and a scalpel. I used the alcohol to sterilize my hands and her wound. I opened the sterile packaging of the scalpel. I decided not to use gloves because I needed to be able to feel the shards of wood; I couldn't chance missing even one.
"I need someone to keep track of her heart rate and breathing. Jean I have to go in and take out the shards and splinters. I need you to match them up with the chair so I know if I got them all."
Jean took the chair from James who had not moved an inch and was holding the chair with a look of horror still plastered on his face. Another student took him by the shoulders and led him away. Meredith, one of the few female novices knelt by Roza's head and placed her hand on her neck.
With the scalpel I made four incisions to widen the hole and allow my hand access. I felt her organs first trying to make sure none were severely harmed. Feeling around for the shards of wood I found three all of which were fairly large but thankfully none had perforated her intestine. A perforated intestine or bowel could set the stage for a severe infection. When I could find no more pieces of wood I looked to Jean. She had the other half of the chair leg and was double checking that it was all there. She nodded to me. I then noticed that another student was kneeling beside me and I could smell the alcohol as he sterilized his hands and began opening the gauze packets and handed them to me. I thought of stitching her up but decided Dr Olendzki might want to open her up to check things for herself. I tried my best to pull her skin back together and covered her wound with the gauze. I applied pressure wondering where the hell Dr Olendzki was.
"Her heart rate is getting erratic! I think she is going into cardiac arrest!" Meredith cried.
"I have to keep pressure on the wound; you have to start doing compressions on her!"
I heard the gym door open and the sound of people running towards us. Lissa knelt beside me and placed her hands over mine. I could feel her healing spirit flow though my hands and I wishfully added my love into the flow. For those few moments I felt as if the three of us were connected and I felt as if my love was being pulled through by Lissa's magic into my Roza; helping to heal her. A few moments later Lissa slumped against me. I pulled back the gauze to reveal completely closed skin. I looked at Lissa to thank her but immediately I sensed something was wrong.
"Lissa?"
"She was almost gone, half way to the other side. I was practicing with Adrian earlier, too much spirit." She closed her eyes as she spoke.
I remember when Lissa had been kidnaped and Rose and Christian helped save her. Chris had been attacked by a psy hound and Lissa was too week to save him. Rose offered her neck to Lissa; giving her the strength to heal him. If I offered her my blood now it would be the least I could do to thank her for saving my Roza.
"Lissa, look at me, you need blood! Take it from me."
She tried to shake her head but I over powered her and angled her body and mine so that she had only to open her mouth and bite. It took only a second for her need to outweigh her objections. She bit in and though I could feel her endorphins, with the adrenaline rushing though my veins, I couldn't feel the high. Then I heard the students begin to talk and I remembered that we were in front of a class full of students, but I really didn't care what they thought.
"Wow man now that is friendship. No way my friends would do that for me, bastards."
"Damn! He is brave, I don't think I would let anyone bite me, not even for a friend."
"I'd do it but only for someone I love."
"This does not leave this room. We will never mention it again. And if any of you do, so help me I will kill you." Eddie said with a deadly voice.
"No way, I will take this one to my grave."
"I agree. Creepy as it is this is too personal a thing to share."
"Secret is safe with me and I'm with Eddie if anyone says anything I will beat you!" Meredith exclaimed.
"SO THIS STAYS HERE, AGREED?" Eddie spoke again but this time with authority.
"AGREED!" Everyone said.
Lissa pulled her face away from my neck and turned it the other way but she held on to me crying. The doors flew open again and Dr Olendzki and a few nurses came running in with a gurney. I laid Roza on the gurney.
"Dimitri Alberta wants to see you in her office immediately." The doctor told me.
I walked her out as far as I could before I had to turn in the other direction and head to Alberta's office. All I wanted to do was run back to my Roza but I knew I had to see my captain first. Alberta's door was open and she was leaning in the door frame waiting for me. The moment I stepped through the door she signaled me to sit and she closed the door.
She didn't speak but came over and hugged me in a motherly way. It wasn't until that moment that I began to tremble. Now with the crisis over my mind allowed my emotions to leak and my body could not contain it. Before I could stop myself the first sob of many, forced its way out accompanied by tears.
"Shh, Dimitri she will be alright." She patted my back as she spoke and though part of me was embarrassed by my weakness I was glad for her motherly support. She held me until I could take control of my emotions. Then she sat in the chair beside me rather than her chair on the other side of her desk.
"Dimitri, I hope you don't mind my asking but well… Jean said that you handled the situation with skill that was way beyond your training. I know that your file says that you are a qualified medic, but what Jean described sounded like surgery."
"It wasn't beyond my training. Our Guardian files don't hold any information that doesn't pertain to our efficiency as a Guardian. If you dig deep into my academic files you would find out that I have an extremely high IQ, I was paired in school with a Moroi named Ivan Zeklos. Ivan was a genius and I was the only kid who was able to keep up with him. We helped each other learn and we finished our academics several years ahead of the rest. His father arranged for us to be tutored in college level courses well staying in the safety of the wards till I received my promise mark.
Ivan wanted to go into medicine and since I was going to be his guardian his father wanted me to be educated with him. We went to a Moroi Collage in Romania where his father bribed the administrators to let me in as a student. I studied with Ivan all the way through; he was planning on becoming a surgeon. We spent a lot of time in the lab working on cadavers. He and I were top of our class. I lost him a few days before we were to start residency. His father wanted me to complete my training and work for him but the Moroi council was against it, and I felt it would remind me to much of Ivan; so I didn't push the issue. What I did in there was well within my training."
"I have known you for 3 yrs now and I never knew you were practically a doctor. Rose was lucky you were there."
"She is also lucky that Eddie thought to run and get Lissa. What took Maria so long getting to us? It was at least twenty minutes before she came with the gurney."
"Apparently one of the small children on the elementary campus swallowed some strong magnates and managed to need surgery. The nurse who took the call didn't realize the seriousness of the injury. From what I heard Maria Olendzki was madder than anyone has ever seen her; she fired the nurse on the spot."
Alberta's phone rang. I waited, hoping it was news about my Roza. I almost lost my Roza and I cannot imagine a world without her in it. I would give anything as long as she can live a long healthy and happy life. I want her to have everything she desires.
"Dimitri, they are done with the CT scan and ultrasound; it looks like you have gotten everything out. She is sedated but you can go see her now." I jumped up and ran out the door.
I stayed with Roza for the rest of the night. I slept by her side on the bed. In the morning I woke up and just looked at her face until Maria came to check on her, bringing with her breakfast for me. I sat on the chair eating while she drew blood and took her vitals.
"I have stopped sedating her so she should be waking up in a few hours. I am going to run tests and once I am sure she has no infection she will be free to go. I am thinking she will be released sometime after dinner and she can go back to class with light training tomorrow if she feels up to it. I don't even see a need to keep her from survival training; just take it easy on her ok." I blushed at the last comment.
"Thank you Doctor."
"I should be calling you Doctor. Alberta explained to me how you knew what to do. It is a shame to waste your skill and training. If you would like I could make a petition on your behalf to the council."
"It would remind me to much of the friend that I lost. Honestly though I seem like the loner kind of guy I couldn't bear to leave the people I care for and be on my own for a few years, and it would separate me from Rose and Lissa. I think my place is in Guardianship."
I still love medicine but I know I would never be accepted by the Moroi as anything other than a Guardian. I still keep up on some things through medical journals such as JAMMA. Ivan's father who is a family practitioner sends me books and articles every few months; hoping I will change my mind. The fact that leaving for medical school would take me away from Rose just reaffirmed the decision I made long ago.
Rose woke up just as school was letting out. Her friends came to keep her company while I went on shift. Alberta had given me time off while Rose was unconscious because she felt I would not be able to focus till I knew she was awake and doing well. She gave me a half shift this afternoon and a full one both Wednesday and Thursday observing classes. (All of them happened to be ones Roza is in.)
I swung by the dining hall to pick up my dinner and a treat for Roza. Lissa had text me earlier to tell me Adrian was bringing food for Rose and the gang so I didn't worry about bringing her anything else but two Chocolate glazed, Devil's food, cake doughnuts and making her some hot chocolate.
When I walked in the door she was happy and laughing at Christian. She turned to me and I could see her eyes light up.
"I missed you Comrade." She held her arms out for me and I set my tray down and held her close. Before pulling away I kissed her sweet lips.
"Finish your dinner Roza, I brought you dessert." I pulled the napkin off the doughnuts and set the chocolate on her table. We ate and laughed for some time.
"Comrade, Dr. Olendzki said I should be able to go this weekend." She said brightly.
"Wouldn't want to miss training now would you little Dhampir." Adrian wagged his eyes at her. I swallowed off a growl, but he smirked at me knowing he was getting my goat. "If you haven't learned how to do whatever you guys train to do out there, maybe you need a better teacher. I could help." This time I did growl. I wonder if I told him that he and I are brothers would he back off? Nah, probably not. Eddie looked over at me as if to say 'Don't attack him, he's just an idiot.
"Adrian, not even in your dreams, and stay out of mine; or I will keep that promise I made to you last time." Adrian paled; I have to remember to ask her what she promised, doesn't look like he wants her to keep her promise.
"Could we please not talk about special training?" Lissa groaned. Rose concentrated on Lissa for a moment then began laughing.
"Oh no wonder sparky seems a bit frustrated today. Don't worry Liss I am two and a half weeks behind you."
I didn't catch on to what she was saying and by the confused looks I would say Adrian and Eddie didn't get it ether. Chris apparently got it without skipping a beat.
"Rose if you are correct that means you are fertile this weekend guess your campout won't be as O Natural as you might like. Someone is gonna have to wrap it up." He sing/songed the last part.
Adrian and I both paled, dear lord they were talking about menstrual cycles and condoms in mixed company. Eddie closed his eyes. His face did pale a bit but what struck me was the pained look he tried to hide. He was the only other person in this room who could understand how this innocent comment could actually hurt. Rose got a bit red in the face as she narrowed her eyes at Christian.
"I knew you were listening in, you jack ass. For your information Dhampirs can't have babies together remember. That means we never have to worry, unlike you who always has to wrap it up." Her voice and face were full of classic Rose sarcasm; but I could see a bit of sadness and longing pass through her eyes. I think Lissa and Adrian saw it in her aura because things turned a bit serious after that.
"Well it is almost curfew I think we should go and let Rose get some rest." Christian came up to Rose and gave her a hug. I heard him whisper, "Sorry for what I said. I guess I wasn't thinking." She nodded and let him out of the hug.
"Glad you're better Rose. See you in class." Eddie gave her a hug.
"Thank you for getting Lissa for me. It sounds like I might have not made it if Dimitri and Lissa hadn't taken care of me."
"Anytime." He walked out with a wave to the rest of us. I know that after losing Mason the thought that he had almost lost Rose had been a lot for him to handle.
"Night Rose." Lissa hugged her as well and I could tell that Lissa was healing Rose a bit more, by the look of joy on both of them. "You should be good as new." She kissed her cheek and walked out with Chris.
Adrian was next to say good night and he rested one hand on her flat stomach while hugging her with one arm. He held the hug a bit too long and when he pulled away Rose asked.
"What was that for? Lissa already healed me; twice."
"Just a little reassurance; I heard Dhampirs can get a bit… aggressive and this way you won't have to worry if you don't feel like taking it easy." He kissed her head quickly and tried to dodge out of the door before Rose threw her pillow at him. She pegged him in the doorway, hard. He rubbed his head and chuckled as the door closed. I can't believe how casually these people talk about our sex life. I was about to say something to Rose about it when Dr Olendzki walked in with a clipboard in hand.
"Rose the test came back negative for infection so I will take you off the IV but I still want you to take antibiotic pills for 10 days. Let me unhook the IV from you and you are free to go."
"Thank God. No offense Doctor but I can't wait to get the hell outta here!"
Once free of the IV Rose hopped off the bed, slipped into her slippers, grabbed the bag of clothes Lissa had brought and took my hand.
"Roza, aren't you going to change into real clothes before you leave?"
"No, it's after curfew already, and this nighty you bought me covers more than my workout clothes."
She pulled on my hand and led me out. I looked at her in her nighty and shook my head. It was one of three I bought for her birthday. All were silk button down shirts with short sleeves and matching shorts. They did indeed cover her better than what she wore to our workouts. There was nothing inherently sexy about them but that is what made them sexy as hell on her. My pants got a little tighter as I watched her bottom move under the silk shorts.
We reached her room where she asked me to sit and wait while she took a quick shower. While I waited I pulled her guitar out from under her bed and began to strum it. When I heard her opening the door I began to play, You Are So Beautiful by Joe Crocker.
You are so beautiful to me
You are so beautiful to me
Can't you see
Your everything I hoped for
Your everything I need
You are so beautiful to me
It is such a simple song but it fits everything I want to say to her right now. She sat on the bed next to me and listened with a smile on her face. When I was done she took the guitar from me and pulled me to her. Our kiss started out soft and gentle. I began to run my hand along her body over her silk robe. Her nipples were already hard. She pulled my shirt off breaking our kiss only to pull it over my head. I loved when she undressed me. Before long she had me completely naked. The way her robe felt as it brushed my skin sent shivers of pleasure through my body.
Once again I thanked whoever was responsible for building the dorm with nearly soundproof rooms. The fact that there were very few female novices was also a blessing. The dorms surrounding hers were all vacant. Though we were not crazy loud I was glad that we could express ourselves vocally if we wanted.
I sat on Roza's bed with her straddling me. I opened the top of her robe to bare her beautiful breasts. I caressed them both gently as she smiled at me. When I took one into my mouth and began to nip and suck on it she rewarded me with a soft moan. I knew she was ready for me; I could feel the sweet moisture as her body brushed against my manhood. I untied her robe and let it fall to the ground revealing her beautiful body. In a swift move I turned us and lay her down on the bed. I hovered over her kissing my lips to her neck and down to the other breast. She ran her fingers through my hair then using it she guided me back up. I kissed her secret spot just under and behind her ear. I will never take her without first knowing I had her permission.
"Comrade I need you." She whispered into my ear.
"Yes my Roza."
I entered her gently knowing that though she had been healed she might still be tender. She responded to my movements and soon we were building speed and intensity. Her moans spurred me on and I suspect mine did the same to her. Her back arched; and I could tell by the change in her tone and volume that she was close to her first climax. Her inner walls tightened until finally they began to convulse. I slowed my movements so that I could enjoy the way her body quivered. We rode out her orgasm but soon we were moving together again. I could feel my own internal spring tighten. I pushed myself deeper into her and she wrapped her legs around me bringing me in farther still. Together our bodies began to quiver. She bit into my shoulder as I called out her name.
I held her against me, enjoying the moments before sleep took us over. Roza turned so she was facing me. In the dim light that filtered in through the edges of her curtains she looked into my eyes ready to read them. I knew she was about to talk about something that was bothering her.
"Dimitri, if science ever figured out how to make Dhampir's have babies together, would you want to try?"
This was a hard question to answer. Not because I was uncertain but because I already knew my answer and I know she wouldn't like it. I sighed deeply knowing that we needed to talk about this.
"Remember when I told you that I understand a lot about how the body works because of my friend studying to be a doctor. Well though he wanted to be a surgeon he also had an interest in the Dhampir infertility issue. We did a lot of research and to tell you the truth there have been some attempts by science. There have been three cases where a researcher was able to manipulate the DNA of a Dhampir Ovum to make it accept a Dhampir sperm. They then implanted it back into the Woman who donated the Ovum. In one of the experiments the fetus died at 24 weeks and one was still born and the one who did make it full term was deformed and sickly. It only survived a few weeks before it too died.
It could be a long time before they figure out how to get it right and there is no way I would intentionally put you in a position where you would have to risk miscarriage or giving birth to a child who might or might not live; and if it did, would stand a good chance of being sickly. No I would not try."
"I know you want to be a father. I don't want kids right now because I am still getting my life started but in a few years I would love to raise a baby with you."
"Roza, I knew that we would never have children but when I chose you I decided that you are enough for me. I don't need a child to make us complete. I know I never want another woman so there is no chance of me fathering a child with a Moroi and I can't bear the thought of you with anyone else even if it is for the purpose of having a child."
"Thank you for your honesty." She turned around again so that her back was pressed up against my chest. I know she was hiding tears from me but I was not sure how to comfort her other than to hold her and hum to her the Russian lullaby my mother used to hum to me.
~o~*End dream*~o~
My alarm woke me up. My eyes felt as if they were glued shut. I decided to reset the alarm for just before Ladybug's training; I will be damned if I let them torcher her with Stan for a substitute. I lay back down and fell instantly back to sleep another dream came to me but this one started out much sweeter.
~o~*Second Dream*~o~
It was the same week of Rose's accident in class. After class on Thursday Alberta came into Rose's afterschool training to tell us we were being given permission to leave at dawn instead of after classes tomorrow. Friday was supposed to be a heavy day for senior novices. They were getting evaluated in every novice class and they would be fighting against up to three guardians in a row. We already knew that Roza could do that because she did that tenfold during the attack on the school. Rose was still on light duty and she resented it. Alberta was afraid Rose would push the issue if she was here for evaluations so she talked Ellen into letting us leave early.
Since Roza and I were already packed we decided to go to the cabin and nap together for a few hours. I loved this cabin, sometimes when we had a few hours alone we would sneak off together and come here. We called it our home; sometimes it bothered me that as guardians we would never be able to have our own home together, we would forever have to live with our charge.
At five am we had dinner with Lissa, Chris, Eddie and Adrian, then set off for our training weekend. The drive from the academy was pleasant as always. Rose and I took turns choosing songs to listen to. We were exposing each other to our tastes in music and finding that though each preferred their own we found some of the other's choices nice as well, but I don't she will ever stop teasing me.
We found a creek and decided to follow it. I drove the pilot as far as I could then we took our back packs and followed it by foot. We had to hike up a wash; Roza climbed up over boulders and fallen logs like a mountain goat. The creek slowly seemed to widen to a tumbling stream. We came across a somewhat flat clearing that seemed perfect for camping. There the stream stalled a little into a pool of water headed by a short series of waterfalls.
A quick check showed us that there was fish in the pools so Roza pulled a hand net from her back pack and set to fishing while I gathered rocks for a fire pit and wood for a fire. By the time I was done she caught three fish of about nine inches. I personally love fish but Roza really isn't fond of it; however when you are in a survival situation you eat what you could find. A few weeks ago when we didn't find any game I taught her that as gross as it may be grubs will sustain you. She was a trooper and ate her 'Grub' but she wouldn't stop calling me bug breath for a week.
Rose pulled a bag of loose herbs and seasoning out of her pack. I raised my brow at her. She ignored me and proceeded to season the fish she had just cleaned and filleted. When she was done she looked up at me with a smug look.
"What I can eat it plain if I had too but seeing as I spoke to the head cook we don't have to." She walked over to the water and washed her hands. I followed her and took her into my arms kissing her with all the passion in me.
"Lunch can wait. Right now there is something else I hunger for Roza." I barely gave her time to wrap the fish is a towel before sweeping her up and carrying her to the sleeping bags in our lean-to.
Two hours later we emerged to make our lunch. When we finally ate I have to admit that the fish was much better with the seasoning that Roza got from the school's cook. It's not common knowledge but Rose is a pretty good cook. She had made a meal for me twice in the cabin. From what she and Lissa told me they learned to cook while they were on the run for two years.
Roza and I went out to hunt for our dinner. We set several snare traps for small game and used our hand guns for hunting. I was so proud of Roza when shot a small raccoon. Along the way back we found wild blueberries so while I skinned and gutted the raccoon she picked berries for dessert. During dinner she asked me a question that I wasn't expecting.
"Dimitri, how come you say your grandmother is crazy?"
"It's not so much that she is crazy but she is very fanciful. She believes in the paranormal and well I guess we butt heads on the subject. I used to believe her nonsense when I was young but I got older and began to see things for what they are."
"What happened to make you stop believing?"
"Oh a lot of things…" I said with a deep breath. "I guess the first thing was my dad. You see Yeva is a Provadist a seer, a fortune teller, people used to pay her to tell them what is going to happen in the future. When I was young I began to wonder if she could see the future why she would allow her only daughter to have a relationship with my father. He was nice for a while but shortly after my little sister was born he changed into this monster. If she knew what he would end up being like; why let my mom suffer that way. I ended up coming to the conclusion that she was just full of it."
"Maybe she couldn't stop it because it was supposed to be. What if bad things are supposed to happen sometimes because something good is supposed to come from it?"
"I can't believe that my mother was supposed to suffer that way."
"If she didn't go through what she did, you would never have been born. You would never have come to find Lissa and me. I remember Alberta talking with Yuri about a Strigoi attacking some Oregon State students not far from the house we were living at, just 3 days after you brought us back. And if you didn't bring us back I would never have met you." Oh Rose logic, she is definitely knows how to use it.
"There were other things over the years that have just gone to prove to me that she really doesn't know what she is talking about."
"Like what?"
"When I was first pared to work with Ivan, Yeva told me that we would be friends for life. And I guess we were but well his life was cut short at the tender age of 23. She also told me that he would be by my side helping me and protecting me; she said it as if I was the Moroi and he was the Guardian."
While I was saying this her eyes glanced over to something just beyond my right shoulder. She did that every once in a while but when I would look there was never anything there. She saw that I noticed and quickly gave me her full attention. She looked uncertain for a moment but began to speak.
"What if she was talking about his spirit? If she believes in ghosts she might have been referring to that. Maybe it is possible for some people to see things other people don't."
"Like I said she is fanciful, but I love her anyways even if I don't believe the things she said. You should be happy that I don't believe her or I would never have given us a chance."
"Why do you say that?" She looked a bit upset.
"When I was young she used to tell me that I was going to fall in love with an extraordinary woman and this wonderful woman would bare me many extraordinary children. I have found my extraordinary woman but for us there will be no children."
When I said this Rose turned her gaze away. I saw a tear trace down her cheek. I couldn't stand to see her tears. I stood taking her in my arms and leading her to the lean-to. I wanted to show her how much I love her and that it could only be her in my heart forever. We kissed sweetly as we pulled our clothes off of each other. I lay with her for a long time kissing and caressing her. Her tears kept flowing and I kept holding her.
"Comrade, I wish one day I could give you at least one child and nothing would make me happier than to give you many."
"Oh, Roza, I love you just the way you are. I know you are a bit fanciful like my Yeva and I love that about you. I love how protective you are over Lissa and even Christian. I take you as you are and everything you will be."
"I love you to Dimitri, as you are. I know you don't always think the same but I love you and take you as you are, and everything you will be."
We made love and I can honestly say I had never felt as close to her before, as I did that night. It was like we were connecting heart body and soul. I fell asleep that night wishing the impossible. I had a dream that night of her, round with my baby. The thought was so beautiful that I ended up in tears knowing it was never going to be.
The next morning I woke with a start when Roza jumped up and ran to the rushing water of the stream. I ran after her and got there in time to hold her hair out of the water as she voided her stomach. I helped steady her as she used her hands to wash her face and rinse her mouth out. I held her for a while till she began shivering. It was then that I realized we were both still naked from last night's activities.
I carried her back to bed and covered us with the blankets. She kept insisting she is fine but that the raccoon must not have agreed with her. I wanted to take her back to school and have her looked over but well she would have none of that. We ate the chocolate glazed devil's-food cake doughnuts that I snuck in my pack for breakfast. After breakfast Rose seemed to be full of energy. We hiked for a while before checking our snare traps and bringing our rabbit back to camp.
The sun was high and it was unseasonably warm for this time of year. After lunch Roza pulled off her tee-shirt off and jumped into the pool of water. She looked so radiant and beautiful that I had to take some pictures of her. I got several of her swimming and even some of her posing but my favorite was the one of her under the waterfall with the cascade running down her back and her smiling at me. I set my camera down and joined her in the water. We ended up pressed against the rock wall behind the waterfall; making love.
We enjoyed another blissful night before having to leave our little safe haven and go back to the school.
The Dream fast forwards.
I thought about that weekend a lot over the last seven years. It was the last time we had gone on our camp outs. The following week she had gotten a bit too cheeky with Stan and he put her on suspension meaning she had to stay in her room all weekend. It didn't stop me from sneaking in though. The week after that Stan called for a test on Monday for which she had to study. The next week she got another case of food poisoning so I decided it was best for her to take a weekend to rest. Also that week Ivashkov started to pay a lot of attention to her and I began to get a bit jealous.
Lissa Rose and Adrian started to act strange and the whole question about children kept coming up. The day before I made the decision to leave Lissa had come up to me and asked.
"If Rose didn't cheat on you, but got pregnant would you be happy?"
I had forgotten about such things as IVF and to be quite honest I was upset by the question. I was hurt and angry by it and I raised my voice to the princess.
"If Rose turned up pregnant I would know she cheated because there is no way for us to have a child together; safely!"
I realized I had spoken too rough when her eyes grew wide and tears welled up.
"Rose would never cheat on you! She loves you so much that sometimes I am jealous of how much she loves you."
She turned and ran away after that. Later that night I snuck into Roza's room. Her mind seemed to be elsewhere and when I tried to initiate some passion, she kissed me and her actions told me she wanted to be with me but her eyes told me that she was dealing with something emotional. I decided that I would rather hold her and comfort her than make love to her when she really needed support.
I held her through her tears and watched over her while she fell into a fitful sleep. That night she mumbled a lot in her sleep. Most of it was indecipherable but a few things came out loud and clear. One was when she said she loved me. All in all she called my name and nick name out at least a dozen times and she said the word baby at least twice as many. It was then that I realized she wanted a baby and I knew I couldn't give her one.
The day that she got injured and I almost lost her I realized I would do anything to give her what she wanted. If that meant stepping aside and letting her find love with someone who could give her a child I would do it; even if it broke me to leave. I knew I would survive if I knew she was alive and happy somewhere in this world. I could never live in a world where she did not exist. When I made the decision to leave I did so with the full realization that I would never be able to be part of her life again, no matter how much I loved her.
~o~*End dream*~o~
I was still tired but I forced myself to get up and dress quickly. I pried myself on always looking my best but right now I was late for Ladybug's training and I didn't want to leave her with Stan a moment longer than necessary. Though he seems nicer to Annemarie than he ever was to Rose, I still don't want to take a chance of him yelling at her. I quickly combed my hair and tied it with the band. I didn't have time to shave today I would have to be a bit scraggly in the face.
I jogged to the gym just in time to see….
POP QUIZ
1. In Dimitri's dream, he and Rose talk about Yeva and her fanciful visions. What significance do these have?
2. Dimitri talks about how making love to Rose was different this time than any time before. Why do you think that was?
3. Remember the picture that Dimitri had in his leather binder of Rose in chapter six. She reached out and touched the stomach on the picture. What was the significance in her action?
4. Based on Dimitri's knowledge of medical science and his lack of belief in the supernatural do you understand why he made the choice to leave?
5. I tried to give you some insight on why Dimitri chose to leave Rose in the first place. there was more to it than just not wanting her to have a baby with anyone else. Did I achieve my goal?
6. What are your overall thoughts on this chapter?
Please review. This chapter was hard to get out and I need the encouragement.
Suzanna AKA SnowGoose