Chapter 12
On the night of the full moon, Remus was smuggled out to the Whomping Willow as usual. But he knew that tonight wasn't usual; there would be no control at all tonight, no roaming the grounds with his friends… in short, no Marauders. They had all kept to their separate ways that week. Even though Peter was back now, Remus couldn't bring himself to talk to him, and after that first evening, Peter had made no more attempts to approach his friends.
Usually, Remus would bring something to entertain himself while he waited for the transformation to come upon him. But tonight, he simply sat, numb, still awash in his overwhelming feelings of rejection. When the full moon streamed through the window to hit him, Remus submitted to the pain that accompanied his transformation. But as the wolf snarled and looked about the shack, Remus saw something that made him go cold; the door to the Shrieking Shack was open. A breeze came through the small opening, causing the door to creak open a little further. The wolf raised his snout and sniffed the air; the breeze carried the scent of human flesh.
With a howl of excitement, the wolf sprang through the door, and Remus watched with horror as he began the hunt. He smelled humans who were yawning, half asleep, and humans who were snoring in their beds. But the wolf rejected these; it was not a true hunt if the prey had no chance to begin with. This hunter had no desire to kill the helpless, who were not even aware; he desired to watch his kill run, struggle, and in the end die in slow pain before him. The wolf could smell his desire; he moved on.
Remus saw that they were heading straight for the Hogwarts grounds. He inwardly cursed himself. If he hadn't been so stupid in the past few weeks, the Marauders would have been there to stop him. But now, he might have to watch a fellow student suffer his same fate. And worst of all, there was no doubt that he would be expelled from Hogwarts, never again to see his friends, never again to see Sirius…
The wolf's desire was becoming visible now. A boy and a girl were walking side by side by the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Remus heard a low murmur, and then a laugh in reply. With a jolt, he realized who they were, but he was helpless to warn them. With a snarl, the wolf leaped forward. There was a scream, and both of them flung themselves to the side, barely escaping the vicious claws.
"Lily, run!" the boy yelled. Lily Evans scrambled to her feet.
"But what about you?" she cried. James Potter gave her a grim smile.
"Only one of us can escape. And it's my fault, I should have –" He was cut off as the wolf barreled into him. James put a hand up to his head and drew it away covered in blood. He looked at it dazedly for a moment before his eyes rolled up into his head and he collapsed. The wolf circled around him, teeth glinting in the moonlight. Lily gave him another frightened look, hands over her mouth to prevent herself from screaming again. Then, she turned and ran toward the castle. She didn't get far, however, before running full tilt into Sirius Black. They fell down, and Lily found herself on top of the boy. She scrambled off hurriedly, and he gave her a confused look.
"Jeez, Evans, what's your hurry?"
"J-James!" Lily gasped. "He's back there, Black, he needs help! We were walking, and then this wolf… It must have been a werewolf, and I wanted to help, but James told me to run, and then…" Sirius stared at her in horror, his mind slowly putting the facts together.
"Moony," He whispered. "Where are they, Evans?" Lily pointed, sobbing. Sirius gripped his wand and looked that direction, his mind racing. He had originally come out to clear his head, but now he was glad he had. He knew he didn't have much time, so he turned back to Lily.
"Look, Evans, go back to the castle, all right? Go up to the Headmaster and tell him… Tell him that Remus is out." Lily gaped at him.
"You mean that Lupin… is a werewolf? I –" Remus grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her.
"This is no time to be shocked!" He said harshly. "I'll do what I can for Prongs, but if you want to help him, go to the Headmaster!" Lily gave him one last frightened look, then nodded and sprinted back toward the castle. Remus hurried in the opposite direction, toward the Forbidden Forest. How had Remus gotten out? And why hadn't James remembered it was full moon?
As Sirius got closer, he saw a dark figure sprawled out on the ground. The wolf was nowhere to be seen, but Sirius had no doubts that he was nearby. He hurried over to his friend and felt his pulse. It beat slowly, but it was strong. Sirius bit his lip. If he could get James awake, they could both transform. The stag and the dog were always able to keep the wolf under control. But if not, Sirius wasn't sure he had the strength to do it all on his own.
"Prongs?" Sirius shook his friends shoulder, but James's face remained pale and motionless. Sirius bit his lip and turned, thinking that maybe he could attract some attention if anyone was looking out the castle windows. Instead, he saw a pair of glowing eyes watching him. Warily, Sirius stood and moved a little ways away from James. He knew it would take him several minutes to fully transform into the dog. If he could make it, he could calm the wolf down. But if he didn't… But Sirius had no time to even try. The werewolf was crouched, obviously prepared to make another leap toward its helpless prey. Remus, trapped inside his own mind, tried to yell a warning to his friend, but he couldn't make himself heard, and his body lunged once more toward the prone figure on the ground.
"Moony, no!" Sirius yelled. He threw himself in between the unconscious James and Remus. Remus's claws gashed his shoulder, and he bit back a scream of pain as he lurched to his feet, standing between the wolf and the boy. Remus snarled his defiance, but Sirius reached out a hand pleadingly.
"Moony, come on. This isn't you, we both know it!" His hand gently caressed Remus's ear. "Come on, come back to me. I need you. This isn't you." Somewhere inside, Remus felt himself wanting to emerge, wanting to come back. But on the other side, his wolf instincts were screaming for blood. Without his friends by his side in their animal forms, he had no control over the fierce nature that rose inside him. He looked up at Sirius, who had blood dripping down one arm, who was looking pleadingly at him. But his wolf instincts won him over, and he growled, lunging at his friend. Sirius yelped and threw himself to one side. He crouched, panting hard, with Remus circling around him, growling. He glanced over at James, who still lay on the ground unconscious and defenseless, then at the Eastern horizon. It was tinted rose, but the sun was not yet up. Sirius gulped, then looked back at Remus. The part of Remus that was awake knew what Sirius was planning. He was going to try and distract the wolf for the few minutes it would take for the sun to come up.
"No, idiot!" He yelled. "What are you doing, I can't control myself!" But Sirius couldn't hear him, and merely smiled grimly, pushing his hair out of his eyes.
"All right then, Moony. Just you and me, huh?" The wolf howled for human flesh as he lunged once more. Sirius dodged low, grabbing a stick and thwacking the wolf as he leapt over his head. The wolf turned quickly and flashed back toward Sirius, who couldn't dodge quite fast enough. There was a great rip as the front of his robes tore, revealing a fresh gash on his chest. He gasped, doubling over in pain. But he staggered to his feet once more. The sun was not yet up. Inside, Remus was screaming for his friend to get out, to go. He couldn't lose the person who meant so much to him this way, he just couldn't! Sirius lurched weakly out of the way of the sharp teeth once more, collapsing on the ground with the effort. The wolf stood triumphantly over him, watching as he struggled to keep his eyes open and preparing to strike the final blow. The mouth opened, the sharp teeth glinting, to finish off his prey. Sirius winced, squeezing his eyes shut as Remus screamed inside himself. And then the scream became real. The sun came up. Remus sunk to his knees next to the prone figure of Sirius, tears streaming down his face. His friend opened his eyes halfway and smiled weakly up at Remus.
"I knew you could do it, Moony," he whispered.
"Don't try to talk," Remus choked through his sobs. "You're going to be okay, Padfoot, I promise!"
"Moony," Sirius whispered softly. "You should know… I loved you too." He grinned lopsidedly. "Figures, huh? I couldn't say it when it really mattered. We could have had… so much… time…" his eyes closed, and his hand went limp in Remus's.
"Padfoot!" Remus yelled. "Hang in there, please, don't leave me!"
"Moony, move!" Someone said harshly. "Moony, come on, I can't help him if you stay there!" Remus was shoved roughly aside as another figure crouched next to Sirius, his wand out, muttering quickly under his breath. He stared uncomprehending at the head of messy black hair in front of him.
"P-Prongs?" he said, startled. "But I thought you –"
"I'm fine," James said tersely. "You didn't get me that bad."
"But you didn't want anything to do with us, I thought!"
"I was an idiot," James said, still focused on Sirius. "I forgot what things were like before we were all friends. Believe me, I got a crash course in that these past few days, and it wasn't fun. Having a girlfriend can't make up for losing friends. And then I saw Pads protecting me like that…" He shook his head. "If he had gotten killed protecting me, I'd never have forgiven myself."
"But he's still really badly hurt," Remus cried. "And it's all my fault, all of it!" James, who had just finished levitating Sirius onto a stretcher, shook his head and looked at Remus sadly.
"If it's anyone's fault, it's mine," he said. "I should have remembered it was full moon. I put myself and Lily in tons of danger, and because of that, Padfoot got hurt. And anyway, I've been a real jerk. If I had just swallowed my pride, we would have been here with you tonight." Remus looked down, biting his lip.
"I told him," he whispered. "About… you know. He ran away from me then, but tonight he said…" Remus trailed off, feeling tears welling up in his eyes again. A hand on his shoulder made him look up into James' face.
"Look, I'm sorry, and you're sorry. We're both partially at fault for what's happened her. But standing here and dwelling on it does nothing," he said softly. "Let's get Pads up to the hospital wing, all right?" Remus gave a small nod. Together, the two walked up to the castle in silence, with the prone figure of Sirius floating in front of them. Two figures came hurrying across the lawn to meet them. Professor Dumbledore halted first, his eyes on Sirius. He gave Remus a questioning look.
"He didn't get bit, professor," Remus whispered. "He just… got banged up." Dumbledore nodded in understanding and pulled out his own wand.
"I will see to him," he said. James nodded and let the headmaster take control of the stretcher from him. He briskly walked back toward the castle with the stretcher, taking great care not to jostle it. Then another voice drifted toward them.
"James!" Lily hurtled into her boyfriend, nearly knocking him over. James staggered, but managed a small laugh.
"Easy, Lil. I'm okay." Lily frowned, touching the still open wound on his head.
"No you're not," she said severely. "You're coming straight up to the hospital wing too. And don't you ever scare me like that again! I…" Lily trailed off when she saw Remus. He turned hot and looked down. Lily walked over, hesitated a moment, then gently wrapped her arms around him. He stiffened in surprise, but then relaxed when he saw James smiling at them.
"It's all right," Lily murmured in his ear. "Everything adds up now, in a way. Like why they called you Moony." She held him at arms length and smiled at him. "I'll admit it was a shock, Lupin, but I won't hold it against you. In fact, I'm shocked that you'd even think such a thing." Lupin gave her a wobbly smile.
"Thank you," he whispered. She smiled, then turned back to James, a more solemn look on her face.
"Now, it's straight up to the hospital wing for you," She informed him. "And… and we'll be able to see how Black is doing too." She but her lip, but shook her head and took her boyfriend's hand, leading him into the castle. The three walked together up to the hospital wing. Each of them held the same hope in one form or another, the wish for the one thing that would ease their feelings of guilt;
Please let him be all right…