The locksmith handed Kurt five shiny new keys and left. Kurt made sure to put the keys in a hidden spot in his room, thinking that it was safer in case Brody tried to snag one of the keys off their key rings while moving out. When he returned to Rachel's room, Puck and Santana looked guilty, but they had a few boxes filled with clothing that was obviously Brody's, so they were actually working.
"Oh no, what did you two do?", Kurt responded to their guilt.
"We. Um. Found a few things that we probably shouldn't have.", Puck answered him with his head down in shame.
Kurt sighed, "Well that was bound to happen given that you were purposely going through Rachel's stuff to get Brody's out. Though, if Rachel had something to hide, I would've assumed that she would've made an effort to put them somewhere secure, like her locked trunk. But she was a little busy with Finn for the brief time they were here."
"They've already done it in here? Damn.", Puck asked.
"From what we heard, on that rug you're sitting on. And if we're counting, that's #3 for both of them.", Santana added.
Pucked looked down, "Oh." He paused, "Wait. Three? Really? Weren't you all up early and then at an airport and then on an airplane? Damn they're good." He was genuinely impressed and a little jealous.
"Rachel apparently used fellatio as an effective tool to wake Finn up, then they joined the mile high club, where Finn claims to have gotten Rachel off twice, and then they had a quickie here. I don't even want to know what tonight is going to be like with a new mattress and all.", Kurt spurted out, so that Puck was on the same page. He then got back to their task and asked, "So, what did you find?"
"The anal beads had to be Brody's. I mean he did some kinky shit as a prostitute.", Santana thought out loud.
Kurt stared at her in disbelief, "Well, where did you find them?"
"In with Brody's socks.", Puck admitted.
"Then why would you think they were Rachel's?"
"We didn't!", Santana insisted, "We were just traumatized because they were in that douchebag's ass."
"Oh. I just thought you looked guilty."
"That was because we found Rachel's engagement ring."
"And I offered to swipe it for our favorite giant.", Puck added.
"Why were you in her jewelry box?"
"It looked like a place to stash condoms, and I wanted to clear out the smalls to make room for condoms that would actually fit Frankenweenie."
Kurt rolled his eyes, "You two actually care in your own odd ways. I'm impressed. Anyway, Brody will be here any minute if our calculations are correct, so we should make sure that anything of value is well out of his reach. Santana, can you take her jewelry boxes to your room and stash them somewhere secure, especially the one with the ring in it?"
"Sure", Santana said, taking the boxes with her as she left the room.
"Puck, did you actually find any condoms or any other sex paraphernalia that might have been actually used between them?"
"I already packed the teeny weenie raincoats. They must not have done it much - there was practically a whole box left. There weren't any other sex toys that he would've been involved with.", Puck told Kurt, leaving out how he found Rachel's hot pink vibrator under the mattress and stashed it in her underwear drawer, so it wouldn't fall out when they moved the bed.
Kurt steeled himself, not wanting to react to the condom comment for Rachel's sake, "Alright, then let's get these sheets off, so that the bed is ready to move when he gets here."
Puck and Kurt had just finished stripping the bed, and Kurt was about to head to the laundry room with them when they heard Brody pounding on the door and yelling, "You already locked me out? I didn't even move out yet!"
Puck answered the door and yelled right back, "Stop shouting dude, you think we were going to let you have free access to this place so you can harass Rachel or trash their stuff? We already started packing up your shit, hope you got a place to stay tonight, cuz you're not staying here."
"Puck, let's be civil. Look Brody, we're just taking precautions. We thought we knew you, but were blindsided by your being a part of an illegal sex ring, so how would we really know how you would react to being asked to move out?", Kurt disclosed, trying to be diplomatic, since he would definitely need to see the guy at school in the future.
"Besides, Plastic Ken Doll, we care an awful lot about Rachel, and she's teeny tiny, and we just can't help but protect her, so we will make sure that if you don't get everything out today, one of us will be here to let you in to pack and move. But you don't get more than a week. After that, anything you left here is garbage. Oh, and we got a head start on your packing and found your beads.", Santana said flippantly as Brody's eyes widened.
Brody recovered from his initial brief shock and retorted, "How do you know they're not Rachel's?"
"Brody, first, they were blue and Rachel would've bought pink ones if she was so inclined, and second, you don't honestly think that we don't know where Rachel keeps her stash of sex toys, do you?", Puck stated matter-of-factly. "I know her. And while I've never had the pleasure of making her call out my name, I sure as hell know where her hiding places are."
Kurt raised an eyebrow at Puck, but otherwise stayed quiet. Brody threw up his hands in defeat and walked to Rachel's room, surveying what they had already packed. Puck perched himself upon the unmade bed and watch him carefully as he gathered clothing and books from various places around the room. Meanwhile, Kurt was pushing aside the privacy partition, so they could take the bed out. Soon, Brody's belongings from Rachel's room were boxed up. He decided to take a few of the boxes down to the suv he had borrowed, and then continue gathering his things from the rest of the loft.
As Brody was loading a box into back of the SUV, Finn and Rachel approached the building hand in hand, not seeing him behind the large vehicle. Rachel headed straight to the laundry area to wash the new bedclothes, and Finn went up to the loft. When Kurt answered the door for him, Finn asked how things were going.
"Pretty calm actually.", Kurt said.
"Although you and Rachel being here might change things.", Puck added.
"We're just going to lay low. Is he done getting his stuff out of Rachel's room? If he is, we are just going to start reorganizing in there and will stay out of his way."
"Our new mattress should be here in an hour.", Rachel added, stepping through the door, a little winded from racing up the stairs, "I can't wait to sleep in it! I already put the new sheets and blankets in the washer!"
"I bet that's not all you can't wait to do on it.", Santana scoffed.
Not wanting to get into another discussion of their sex life, Kurt ignored Santana and focused on logistics. "Are you using the same frame or are you getting a new one?", Kurt asked.
"Well since the mattress is extra long, and it's difficult to find a frame for a bed of that size, Finn is going to build a custom frame for it this week.", Rachel said, beaming.
"Dude, are you gonna buy power tools?", Puck perked up.
"Finn is able to build things? Do we need to set up a workshop area too? We're going to need more partitions!", Kurt sighed.
"We can make more partitions! And yeah, Puck, we can go buy them and the lumber tomorrow. Kurt, I took shop. I can figure out how to make a bed frame. I bet I can even do some crazy pinterest shit to it too.", Finn said confidently. "In fact, I think we're going to make one of those pillowy headboards and built in shelves on the sides."
"Wow, you know what pinterest is, I'm impressed, Finn.", Kurt commented.
Santana noticed Rachel mooning over Finn's display of masculinity and couldn't help snorting, "And it looks like Rachel is turned on by the thought of Carpenter Finn."
Brody walked in as Santana was talking and scoffed, "Oh please, like anything he does is sexy."
Rachel burst with rage as Brody insulted Finn, and instantly launched herself at him to attack, completely surprising Finn and Puck, who reacted just quick enough to catch her in midair before her foot connected with Brody's manhood.
"Whoa, my girlfriend is a ninja.", Finn commented as Puck held her back, as she struggled to connect punches and kicks with Brody's sensitive areas.
Puck was having a hard time containing her, and broke Finn's reverie, "Hey, Finn, can you help me with your ninja princess over here?" Finn came over and scooped Rachel from his arms, and reminded her, "Hey Rach, I thought you were going to leave the violence to Puck, and only if it was necessary?".
Puck was chuckling as he said it, but Rachel's face fell, knowing that her actions were hypocritical, and settled comfortably in Finn's arms, responding with a quiet, "you're right.". Then she quickly hopped down and stood, Finn's arms still around her, and addressed Brody in a much louder and stronger voice, "I will not tolerate anyone insulting Finn. He is incredibly sexy in so many varied ways, and you know what Brody? You might be somewhat nice to look at, but you're useless in bed. I mean, for a sex worker, you're not very good at it."
Santana, Puck, and Finn had their mouths open in surprise, while Kurt was trying not to laugh.
Brody countered, "Well you certainly weren't complaining when we were together."
"I'm an exceptional actress, Brody. And frankly I was surprised that you couldn't even tell that I was faking an orgasm. Not bad for a NYADA freshman from Ohio, huh?" Brody looked mortified, but Rachel continued, "It was wonderful practice for sex scenes. So, next time you're thinking of saying that Finn isn't sexy, think about the fact that I've already had three amazing orgasms from Finn TODAY, and you've never given me one in months of dating."
Santana gasped, surprised by Rachel's honesty, and also turned on by her strong verbal lashing.
"You're lying. I'm great in bed.", Brody fought back.
Rachel simply stated, "Maybe for someone else, but not for me. You're not Finn. I never should've given you the chance you had, Brody. For that I am sorry. But my heart was always Finn's. I was trying to take the advice to move on, and live my life here, but it didn't work. And I didn't want it to work. If you got hurt, I am sorry, even if you don't entirely deserve the sentiment given that you lied about your profession to me, and weren't fully committed yourself, but this is the way things are now. I am Finn's, forever. Please finish packing. Finn and I will be in my room and will leave you be."
Finn and Rachel retreated as Kurt let out a low breath of relief that that altercation was over. He then smiled, thinking about how strong Rachel seemed.
Finn and Rachel were busy reorganizing Rachel's things, making room for the things that Finn would be bringing and picking up the items that got tossed around a bit in the search for Brody's things, when Rachel thought about her hiding spot and found herself looking across the apartment to the very small, not yet sectioned off guest area next to Santana's room. Puck, who was busy putting new sheets on the bed, saw her panicked face and pointed to the dresser and winked. Relief showed on her face and she mouthed, "Thank you" to him for saving her further embarrassment. She then looked at Finn, who was trying to restack some of her books, and mentioned, "You know, this mess isn't even half as bad as the mess Santana left when she moved in and went through all of my stuff and Kurt's stuff."
"She just went through your stuff and made a mess?"
"She claimed it was a thing that she did. Apparently roommates have no secrets in her world. And then she said that she approved of 75% of my underwear. I'm pretty sure she was searching for something against Brody though, rather than just being the disruptive force that is Santana."
"Well I think all your underwear is hot. But that sounds like quite the compliment from Santana. And while her Mexican third eye thing is creepy, I'm glad she was looking out for you."
"Me too, though with this Brody mess, I feel a lot safer with you and Puck here. I am confident in my self defense moves, but even with my best moves, I am small, and it's nice to have a strong virile boyfriend here to protect me, so I don't have to use them."
"Rach, I will do anything in my power to keep you safe. Always. I just wish I could stay longer."
"I know, but you will be here soon, and in the meantime, I have Santana and her hair blades."
"And I think I'd like for Puck to stick around longer too - just until we're sure that Brody is going to back off. He can work on his writing here if you guys don't mind him staying."
"We'll just have to chat with Kurt and Santana, but I think they'd be fine with that."
Brody was just finishing packing his things from the bathroom, under Kurt's supervision.
"Well, Kurt, I think that's all the essentials for now. I will need to come back at some point to get the rest of my books and some other things that are around, but I have to go and get my friend's truck back and meet him so I can crash at his place."
"We are glad that you have a place to stay. Rachel did say that she didn't want you homeless. Granted she wasn't aware that you were sleeping with half the city when she said that, but I think you should know that she did care about you a little bit."
"Yeah, well if that bitch didn't throw me under the bus, maybe things would've been different."
"Brody, Santana only did what you were too much of a coward to do. Rachel deserved to know the truth. And she was going to end things anyway. You know that, right? I mean look at them." Kurt pointed to Finn and Rachel, who were smiling and talking while moving things around, effortlessly moving around each other and obviously perfectly in sync. "There is no competing with that. And that isn't the result of knowing each other for 4 years - they were like that from the day they met."
"Urgh, fine. Well how do I get back in for the rest of my stuff?"
"Call me or Puck and one of us will be here. Please just leave Rachel alone."
"Yeah, whatever.", Brody responded as the buzzer sounded and Rachel couldn't help but squeal,
"That's the new mattress! Finn, I'm so excited! It's the first piece of furniture we bought together and our first joint credit card!"
Finn whispered, "You are so cute and I'm just as excited as you are, but Brody is still here".
Brody glared at Finn, but said, "Don't bother subduing her excitement, I was just leaving."
Rachel's face fell, but she recovered and happily directed the delivery guy and directed him to their room as Brody left for the day.
A few minutes later a massive mattress and boxspring were headed up the stairs and as the delivery guys squeezed through the doorway, Santana couldn't help but comment, "Holy crap Frankenteen, that bed is huge, even for you. We could all fit in it!"
Kurt and Puck gaped at her, wondering what she was trying to do with that comment, when Rachel snapped back, "Well, we wanted to have room to move a little, that's all."
"Says the girl who got off twice in the airplane toilet.", Puck laughed, trying to lighten the mood and get the conversation off of orgies.
"Who told you that, Noah?"
"Chill Berry, it came out when I was teasing him about sitting on the piano rug that you two were bumping uglies on earlier. Besides, no secrets between roomies, and Puck is a sort of roomie now."
"I'm glad you said that Santana, because I was kind of hoping that Puck could stay with you guys for a while. I'm still a little worried about Brody starting crap when I leave in a week.", Finn told them.
"So, Santana is already calling me a roomie, and Finn is asking if I can stay here, but no one thought to actually ask me?", Puck laughed, "You do know that I could have plans, right?"
"Well, of course, but if you were crashing in my dorm to write, I don't see how you couldn't crash here instead. I mean you would get to play the hero if Brody messed with any of them.", Finn pointed out.
"I was joking dude. You know I got your back and I will totally protect our little Jewish princess."
"Yeah, I suppose I'm fine with that too.", Kurt added. "And if he decides to stay more permanently and get a paying job, there's plenty of room and that would make rent lower too."
Puck raised his eyebrows at Kurt, but otherwise let the comment go.
"Thanks man, I feel a lot better now.", Finn said, giving Puck a fist bump.
"Enjoy your new bed.", one of the delivery men said to no one in particular before Rachel ushered them out the door, thanking them for their services.
"I'm going to go make the bed! The drier should be done by now.", Rachel exclaimed. "You guys should start talking about what we should do for dinner."
Kurt started rattling off the different take-out places available as they needed to go grocery shopping after being gone for a few days, and they were all tired from their travels and rearranging. Finn's mind started to wander as the rest of them debated pizza versus chinese food. He couldn't help but think how perfect these mundane little moments were and how excited he was to be moving in with Rachel. His happy thoughts were in stark contrast to the discontent he experienced the last time he was in the loft with Kurt and Rachel. He felt overwhelmed then, and while he wanted to be with Rachel even then, he just wasn't ready for the leap to New York. He pondered this and instantly, he was hit with an odd sense of gratitude that Rachel's fathers had essentially forced them to prove their love would beat the odds. The separation sucked, but he felt like an equal in the relationship again, which was what he needed to truly be able to feel worthy of her. He knew that Hiram and Leroy's methods were wrong both for exacerbating his feelings of inadequacy and for not trusting Rachel's judgement, and that they deserved every ounce of Rachel's anger, but he wondered if they would've been as solid now if they hadn't needed to overcome the challenge of that heart wrenching time apart. It also occurred to him that he was supposed to be in the middle of a discussion, but his thoughts instead shifted to a daydream about proposing to Rachel once again, this time in a much more elaborate way, in Central Park, with a song, with flowers and preferably an epic engagement party to immediately follow. He was imagining her face as he was singing when he was interrupted by the sound of Puck snapping fingers in his face, obnoxiously calling out, "Finn? Earth to Finn. Dude, where was your head? Did you fall asleep?"
"I don't think I fell asleep, but if I did, that was one awesome dream.", Finn said, dreamily. Rachel, who came in carrying a basket at that moment just smiled knowingly. It was really nice to see him happy again, and she recognized his happy daydream face.
"I don't think I want to know about that.", Puck chortled, "But dude, what's your vote? Pizza or chinese?"
"Pizza, or whatever Rachel wants, because both are great."
"I would love some pizza. That's my vote. Kurt knows my order and I'm pretty sure I still have money in the take out jar."
"Got it, Rach. Go make your bed, I know you can't wait.", Kurt laughed at her practically bouncing to her room.
While the rest of them figured out what toppings to get on the non-vegan pizzas, Rachel got to work making the bed, admiring the scene in their living area as she worked, smiling because this was how she envisioned living in New York. It was finally happening the way it was supposed to. She never would've guessed that her and Santana of all people would be happily living together, or even friends, and Puck was never part of her New York plan, but somehow it all just fit together. The only missing piece was Blaine, but he was where he needed to be this year too. She finished with the bed and couldn't resist climbing in, just to try it out. She had planned on calling Finn to join her, but it only took a minute of her ensconced with comfortable blankets to fall into a deep slumber.
When the pepperoni and peppers versus sausage and onions debate was over and Kurt was busy calling in their order, Finn realized that Rachel hadn't came back from her room yet and was wondering what she was up to. Slipping away as Santana and Puck randomly flirted, he entered her room, and smiled when he saw her tiny sleeping body in the exact center of the gigantic bed. He kicked off his shoes quickly and crawled in carefully next to her, engulfed her with his arms, and easily fell asleep himself.
In the living room, flirting had turned into arguing. Puck was frustrated and confused by Santana and blurted out, "I thought you were a lesbian, why are you flirting with me? And with Finn right here too!"
Kurt walked in from the kitchen and quipped, "Um it seems that Finn might have slipped out under your radar, Puck."
Puck wheeled around and noticed that indeed, Finn had left the room, "What the fuck? Hasn't he gotten laid enough today?"
Santana ventured a glance into Rachel's room and when she saw no movement, walked closer, peeking in on the sleeping couple, "Apparently all that sex tired them out. They're napping.", she said softly. Then, taking a step back to the others, who had peeked in too, she got an evil grin on her face, before joking, "You know, I could use a nap too. What about you Puckerman? Kurt? Wanna join them in there? The looks on their faces will be priceless when they wake up."
"You are evil, and no, I'm not going to hop into bed with them without permission! I mean, yeah, Rachel and I do share a bed on diva nights and when she's feeling depressed, which was every night the first month I was here, but I'm not doing this."
"Suit yourself, but I'm going in there. I think you're just afraid that Rachel is going to give you a boner."
Kurt sputtered indignantly, "I happen to just respect them. And I don't think that would happen. Aw crap."
"Oh Porcelain, you're really messed up about a girl turning you on. Look, you like Rachel. She's already your friend and you love her platonically, right?"
"Yes, I often said she was like my fraternal twin."
"Well, I get the weirdness factor, then, because even if she's not your blood relative, it's weird to want someone you call your sister. But that aside, you already love her, and she's beautiful and hot, and apparently one hell of a kisser, so it's not that surprising that even as an otherwise gay man, that you'd want to do more than just kiss her again. It's like her kissing just nudged you a couple of notches down the Kinsey scale."
"That makes sense, but I'm still not showing up in their bed unannounced."
"Well now that that's settled, dibs on Rachel's side.", Puck blurted before cutting in front of Santana and tiptoeing in quietly.
"We're both going on Rachel's side, dumbass, Finn is taking up his side! Now get in quietly and start spooning me."
He grumbled but did as he was told, knowing that their little joke might not be taken as well if he was directly spooning Rachel and Santana was spooning Finn. Kurt walked away, feeling jealous, but grateful that he was able to resist, despite his feelings.
A half hour later, the buzzer signaling their pizza delivery woke Rachel up first. She heard Kurt answer the door, and snuggled closer, whispering, "mmmm...Finn, I love what you're doing to my boob, but it's time to get up. I just heard Kurt get the pizza."
"Rach, no, don't stop."
"Don't stop what?"
"How you're squeezing my ass. I really like that. Wait? Your boob? I'm not touching your boob.", Finn said, slightly more awake.
"Finn, my hands are on your chest; I'm not touching your butt.", Rachel said, panicking and opening her eyes wide when she traced the hand that was on her boob to Santana, asleep beside her. Finn was doing the same, veritably jumping out of bed when he realized that the hand belonged to Puck.
"What the hell? PUCK!? Santana? Get the hell out of our bed!"
Rachel was in shock, speechless even, when Puck and Santana sat up groggily.
Santana was first to speak, "You both looked so comfy, so we decided to join you."
"What is wrong with your bed? You two could've had a cuddly nap of your own in your own bed. This is our bed.", Finn demanded.
"Well I said earlier that we'd all fit, and look I was right. Kurt would've fit in here too, but he didn't want to join us."
"Point proven. Now get the hell out! I feel violated. Puck was groping my ass! And you were doing something apparently awesome to Rachel's boob. And while I should've been paying attention to learn something, I think I remember telling you to keep your hands off my girlfriend."
"I told you it was a bad idea, Santana!", Kurt called into them, "But you should all make up and get out here before the pizza gets cold!"
"See, Kurt told us to make out, so let's go.", Santana said, grabbing a shell shocked Rachel.
"He said make up, not make out.", Rachel said pushing Santana an arms length away from her.
"Isn't that the same thing?"
"NO! Besides, no offense, but I only want to make out with Finn.", Rachel said quietly, not fully believing what she was saying, and confused by the fact that she actually enjoyed Santana grabbing her boob, and that it didn't feel as weird to wake up with a whole bed full as she would've thought. As her mind reeled, she thought that had to be just a physical thing because she really did think it was Finn doing it at the time. She tried to convince herself that surely she wouldn't have felt the same if she would've known that it was Santana, right? Her brain was going into further into overdrive when Finn reached for her hand, and quietly said, "You okay, Rach?".
"Yeah, I'm okay, let's get some food. I'm just a little confused, that's all."
"Me too", Finn admitted, "We can talk about it after filling our bellies full of pizza."
As they walked over to the table to grab pizza, Kurt was quietly hissing at Santana and Puck, "Are you two insane? What the hell are you trying to do? Let them be Finchel. I thought you weren't going to get in the way, huh, Puck?"
"I didn't know I reached for his ass, Kurt. I was asleep."
"Which is why you should've known better than to go to sleep with them with your feelings. Either of you. You're playing a really dangerous game, and one where you two are going to end up being heartbroken."
Finn heard Kurt's tone, but not his words, and just said, "Don't worry about it, Kurt. We're fine. We can take a joke. It could've been worse."
"Alright, I will lay off. We should have a roomie meeting though, since it's apparent that we need some ground rules. Plus, I need to give you all your keys. I didn't earlier, because I didn't want Brody to swipe one. I thought it was better to leave the old keys on your rings when he was here today and if he swiped one, we'd know and he wouldn't be able to get in."
"Good thinking, Kurt. When he comes again, we should be careful about where our keys are. I know the key hooks are super convenient, but maybe when he comes by, we should swipe our keys off it and hide them", Rachel added, before settling onto the couch next to Finn.
Everyone nodded in agreement. Then Finn spoke tentatively.
"So, how do we go about setting ground rules, Kurt?"
"Well, we just talk really and then agree on the rules. What did you have in mind? Other than staying out of each others' beds unless invited, that is."
"Well, I don't want Rachel alone in the apartment yet. I really don't trust Brody, and while Ninja-Rach is all sorts of awesome, I just think that the buddy system is best now. It won't be a problem this week, since I don't really plan on leaving her side unless she's in class, but…"
"Finn, I can tell by Rachel's mortified look that she's not entirely on board with that, but I think it's a great idea. Luckily, we have a similar class schedule, so we're normally on campus together. And when I'm interning, Santana is normally around. And with Puck here, I'm sure he can be around when Rachel is."
"Can we set a rule that if Rachel comes home and finds herself alone that she calls one of us? Well, not me when I'm in Lima, but you know, so she's not alone?"
"Finn, it'll be okay. You'll all smother me and the Brody thing will blow over. I don't think he's that upset over losing me. I mean he was sleeping with other people while we were together, I don't think that's an indication of how much he loved me."
"That's somewhat true, but Rachel, you weren't really putting out much, and he's a guy. And even good guys have urges.", Santana pointed out.
Rachel turned to Santana, who had just plopped down next to her with a second slice of pizza, and rolled her eyes, but didn't argue the point. Finn couldn't help defending her honor though, "Yeah, but then he could've just jerked off. That's what a good guy does when he has urges and the person he loves isn't available or isn't ready. Instead he used sex as a business and that's just not okay even if Rachel wasn't putting out. Actually I'm kind of happy that she wasn't putting out for him."
"Okay, let's not discuss how much Finnocence has spanked the monkey when Rachel was in her prude phase or in the past few months. Are there any more rules that I have to follow? So far not leaving Rachel alone sounds pretty easy.", Puck added, stuffing another slice of pizza into his mouth.
"Hey!", Rachel protested, while Santana shook her head at Rachel. "Well I'd like to set a ground rule that no one but Finn and I is allowed in our bed without being invited. Group napping and groping is just unacceptable!"
Kurt responded glaring at Puck and Santana, "I think that should've been an obvious rule, but yes, I agree. Also, no having sex in my bed!", he added looking pointedly at Finn and Rachel, as Puck and Santana laughed hysterically remembering that particular evening.
"In our defense, we thought that we were drinking sparkling juice. I didn't know that Puck had switched to real champagne once we moved the Nationals party to our house! So I was I was busy kissing Rachel, but she was walking backward and unintentionally drunk, so I think she just turned the wrong way into your room, thinking it was my room and well I wasn't completely sober and was really only thinking about getting laid, so I just went where she pulled me, even though I was not as drunk as her. It didn't even occur to me that we were in your room until you screeched at us."
"We weren't in your bed? I thought Kurt was just mad because we were making noise.", Rachel commented, a bit embarrassed that she didn't remember that detail.
"No, you most definitely were NOT in Finn's bed. You were both completely naked and sweaty and loud and clearly enjoying yourselves rolling around and gyrating and generally making a mess of my bed with the door completely wide open. And you probably used one of my condoms."
"Wow, you really must've been drunk to not have registered that. Kurt's yelling was MUCH louder than you two were being."
"Wait, a mess? Do you mean Rachel is a squirter? I wouldn't be surprised"
"Oh dear, I really don't want to know.", Kurt panicked. "I just meant that they had been writhing around on my comforter and making it sweaty. I wasn't paying close attention to the exchange of bodily fluids at the time."
"I used the condom in my wallet, Kurt. If I had been searching for condoms I probably would've realized that we were in your room and not mine, but I really just saw Rachel and a soft surface.", Finn responded to Kurt's initial accusation, purposely ignoring Puck's question.
"That night was entirely too fuzzy. Also, I am NEVER accepting a glass of any liquid from Puck ever again."
"I wish I had gone upstairs to tell you two to keep it down. That must've been some sight to see."
"Shut up, Puck!", Finn and Rachel yelled in unison.
"Alright, so Kurt's bed is off limits for sex, and we've been reprimanded for napping in the Finchel bed, is Santana's up for grabs?", Puck joked.
"Puck, you have a bed to use here, if you need to have a girl over, have sex with her there.", Rachel pointed out, exasperated that they even had to set such ground rules about staying in their own beds, even though her and Finn were at fault that one time.
"Oh alright.", Puck said, rolling his eyes.
"And no spiking anyone's drinks. If you want us to drink with you, ask.", Rachel added.
"Can we make animal sweaters banned?", Santana asked.
"NO!", Finn and Puck yelled as Rachel responded, "Have I worn one since you moved in?"
Everyone turned to look at Finn and Puck with raised eyebrows.
"What?", Finn asked, "It's no secret that I like the short skirts and the bright colors and the knee socks and the animal sweaters. I like the new look too, well all but those weird shorts, but Rachel's still allowed to wear them if she wants to. Besides, you shouldn't dictate what someone else wears, unless it's an actual fashion show or something."
"Oh weird fetish man, we're not surprised by your protest. It's little old Puckasaurus here that we are a bit confused by.", Santana drawled, amused that Puck made himself vulnerable.
"Uh."
"Yeah, Puck, why are you coming to my defense? I thought you said once that you couldn't tell how hot I was underneath my ridiculous outfits."
"That was not me. That was Santana who said that. I just called you sneaky hot, and well I like you sneaky hot, rather than overtly hot, because then it's easier to keep boys off of you."
After a pause and some more starring, he continued, "For my boy Finn. Makes my job easier is all."
"Did you just call my girlfriend hot?"
"No kicking chairs in the loft!", Kurt blurted out, trying to deflect. "That's another ground rule."
"Finn, whether I'm frumpy, or sneaky hot, or actually hot, I'm still only yours, so let them look. I'm going to be in the public eye someday. You're going to have to get used to other people finding me somewhat attractive."
"I have no problem with other people seeing how beautiful or sexy you are. I don't know how you could possibly hide it, and you definitely shouldn't. You're right, I'm over-reacting. I just got you back, so I'm just a little edgy."
Rachel curled up even tighter in Finn's arms, and stroked his hand, reassuring him. She was about to reach her head up to kiss him when Kurt interrupted them.
"Rachel, stop what you're doing. I have one more rule. There are a lot of people living here and we literally have paper-thin walls. Seriously - some of the partitions are made of paper! While you can't normally see through them, you can hear through them. I get that you two are going to have sex here. All I ask is that we have a no loud noises, sexually produced or otherwise, between approximately 11 and 6 on weekdays and between 2am and 9am on weekends. I'd also appreciate if the sex noises were kept to a minimum when other people are around, but we all know that might be asking too much."
"Maybe we should just have an 'if you can hear it, you're allowed to watch it' rule.", Puck suggested.
Santana giggled, "I'm surprised you didn't suggest 'if you can hear it, you can join in' as a rule."
"Why does everyone want to join us or watch us? We're not a porno!"
"I bet we'd make a great pornographic film."
"Rachel! That's not helping! But yeah, you're totally right, we have awesome sex. I bet it looks awesome too", Finn said, flashing Rachel his lopsided smile as he hugged her tight again.
"You definitely had some interesting positions.", Kurt pointed out before blushing bright pink.
"Oh Kurtsie DID pay attention.", Santana teased.
"Shut it, Satan!"
"What were you doing in there?", Puck asked.
"I don't know. We were drunk when Kurt saw us. We probably weren't doing anything crazy that time."
"Oh, like that was the only time I saw you two in a compromising position!"
"How often did this happen?", Santana pondered.
"Far too often. There was one week where it was literally every day. I would come home and get an eyeful. I'm fairly certain that every surface of that house has been compromised."
"That's so not true! We never did it on Burt and Carole's bed!", Rachel pointed out.
"Oh, well at least one place is sacred. Unlike the dining room table, the kitchen counter, the patio chaise, MY BED, the family room blankets, the living room couch, the floor in the foyer, the stairs, Finn's truck half parked in the garage and half outside on the driveway-"
"Finn's truck? How did the neighbors not see?", Santana laughed.
"Oh that was quite the feat. I couldn't tell anything was going on, other than Finn's weird parking job, until I parked on the left side of the driveway, and then got out of the car, going around the back of it to avoid the bushes, and walked between the cars. That is when I heard it and before I could register what was going on, Finn's butt was nearly in my face against the window."
"I can totally park better than that, but Rachel was um…"
"Rachel was using her lack of a gag reflex.", Santana finished for him.
"How come our conversations always end up going back to Finchel sex?", Kurt asked. "Also, is everyone okay with our noise ordinance?"
"Uh, what happens if we violate the ordinance?", Finn asked.
"I was going to suggest doing everyone's dishes for a week."
"Fair enough."
"Score!", Santana exclaimed, excited that she wouldn't have to do any dishes when Finn was in town.
Finn ignored Santana, and looked at the clock before whispering to Rachel, "Hey, Rach, it's only 8 on a school night, but do you wanna get ready for bed?"
Rachel giggled and then said, "Well I think that was a very productive roomie meeting. Good night everyone."
Kurt groaned, but then yelled, "Wait, you two need your keys!".
He ran to his room and brought out the new keys and handed them out.
Finn looked at him and said, "Thanks man. It's really cool that I have my own key."
"Finn, you live here now. Maybe not permanently yet, but this is your home too."
Rachel just smiled up at Finn, linked hands with him and walked off to their room. THEIR room, she thought again. That just sounds right.