Disclaimers: Since the reins have still not been turned over to me, I guess I'll just have to be content with taking the characters out once in a while and player with them.
Summary: Questions, questions, and more questions. What can I say? This is a chapter full of questions, memories, friendship, friendships explored, attempts to move further forward, oh, and dancing. Mike thinks that Jill's having nightmares, only to discover that isn't quite the case. This chapter borders on M for suggestive subject matter.
A/N #1: I want to thank my Rookies bud Sheila for the dancing idea. I was planning on adding a new original chapter and the idea seemed to fit in perfectly with what I had planned. Again, this is a chapter bridging the previous chapter with the next one.
A/N #2: I always thought Roberta Flack's 'The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face' to be a perfect song for Mike and Jill Danko. It'll be referenced in this chapter.
Chapter 12: Questions and Moving Further Forward
"So, how's Jill?" Terry asked as the three friends sat down for lunch.
"She's great," Mike smiled as he opened his lunch.
"How great is 'great?'" Willie looked at his friend.
"Well, we're sleeping together," Mike glanced at his two friends.
"So, she remembers you?" Terry questioned as he opened his can of soda.
"No, not quite," Mike shook his head. "I didn't say that we were having sex. I just said that we were sleeping together. I mean there's sleeping together and there's sleeping together."
"At least that's a step in the right direction," Willie pointed out as Mike nodded in agreement. "So, are we still on for this weekend?"
"Oh yeah. Jill's really looking forward to it. Just be prepared to play '20 questions' with her. These days she has questions about everything."
"What kind of questions?" Terry wanted to know.
"Well, right now, she has a lot of questions about Cleve's death. Just answer what you're comfortable with, but whatever you do, don't evade her. Evading her right now is the same as lying to her."
"How'd she take it when you told her?" Terry asked.
"Naturally, she's confused. And, some of it she forgot about almost right away. But, she does remember that he's dead. But, her nightmares . . . " he shook his head.
"They've gotten bad again?" Willie guessed.
"Yeah, but it's not like I'm not used to them," he grinned.
"Mike, why can't you tell us what he did to her?" Terry wondered out loud.
"Because I made a promise a long time ago. It took her a long time to tell me, and sometimes I think that I pushed her too hard about it. Let's just say that he was horribly abusive and leave it at that. Believe me when I tell you that you don't want to know the details."
"Do you think that she'll ever trust us enough to tell us?" Willie asked.
"I don't know."
***MJMJMJ***
"Do you . . . ever . . . get a . . . day off?" Jill was hanging out in the corral watching Trap exercise the horses.
"I make my own hours," he looked at her. "As long as the work gets done, my time is pretty much my own."
"How . . . did you . . . get this . . . job?"
"Well, I'd just gotten my degree and I saw this ad in the newspaper for someone looking for a handyman. I could handle all of the job requirements, so I called the number and . . . here I am."
"You have . . . a degree? You went . . . to . . . college?"
"I have a Bachelor's Degree in Animal Husbandry. Someday I hope to go for my Master's. You have a degree, too."
"Trap . . . I quit . . . school in . . . eighth . . . grade. Don't . . . you . . . remember? Me . . . you . . . Cleve . . . me screaming."
"After you met Mike, you earned your GED. After that, you enrolled at the University of Alabama in Anniston and then you transferred your credits to UCLA after Mike went to Vietnam."
"Why'd I . . . come out . . . here?"
"Jill, you need to ask Mike about that."
"So . . . I'm smart?"
"Are you kidding? You're probably the smartest person I know. Even Mike talks about how smart you are. You were smart even before you went back to school. Don't you remember all of the books you used to read in the house?"
"I remember . . . hiding," she sighed wistfully.
"So, how are things going with Mike?" He asked, changing the subject away from that house.
"Confusing," she admitted.
He turned around to look at his oldest friend. Right now she looked almost like she had as a skinny seven-year-old with braids and knobby knees. His brothers had constantly teased him about his friendship with her. But they shared so many adventures together until Cleve Andrews had come along and ruined everything.
He walked over and sat beside her on the bale of hay that she was resting on. "Why are you confused?"
"I can . . . talk to . . . you . . . about . . . anything, right?" She peered at him as he nodded solemnly. "Do you . . . like . . . sex?"
He fought to keep a blush from spreading over his face. He didn't want her to know that while he felt free to talk to her about anything, this wasn't exactly what he had in mind. "Yeah, I like sex," he finally managed to stammer out. "But, I'm a guy. It's kind of in my nature. Why? Is Mike pressuring you?"
"No . . . nothing . . . like that. I keep . . . having . . . these . . . dreams. They're . . . confusing."
"Dreams where you're having sex?" He guessed as she blushed. "Sex with Mike?"
"He said . . . that I . . . like . . . it . . . with him. But, how . . . can I?"
"Because he isn't Cleve," Trap reminded her.
"Does he . . . know . . . about that?"
"He told me a while back that you told him. You don't remember?"
"I never . . . told . . . anybody. Not . . . even . . . you," she whispered in shame and horror.
"Jill, I used to hear him. I'd hear you . . . begging him to stop hurting you. You were the one who told me that he had the gun."
"I know."
"I know that you never told me what he did, but it didn't exactly take rocket science to figure it out. I mean, I wasn't much older than you, but I knew what sex sounded like."
"It wasn't . . . sex," she hissed at him angrily.
"I'm sorry; I didn't mean that the way it sounded."
When she made the comment to him, something flashed into her head about someone else telling her the same thing. That it wasn't sex. Was it Mike? She couldn't remember. "How long . . . were we . . . there?"
"In the house?" She nodded. "Five years."
"Do you . . . remember when . . . Ace told . . . us about . . . Diane?"
How could he forget? Unlike Jill, he'd hated the bikers. All they ever did to him was tease him and call him 'mouse.' While he didn't say much, he noticed everything. One of the main things he noticed was his childhood friend slowly killing herself on a steady diet of Quaaludes and whiskey. He knew why she was doing it. He heard the reason 'why' several times a night every night of the week. She was disappearing right before his eyes and he was powerless to do anything about it.
Then one of the bikers, Ace, had found his girlfriend Diana facedown in their bathtub. That had been the turning point, not only for Jill, but also in terms of Cleve's cruelty toward her. "Yeah, I remember," he finally said.
"I didn't . . . fight him . . . as much . . . when I was taking . . . 'Ludes. I . . . didn't feel . . . him as . . . much."
"Jill . . . "
"No . . . let me . . . finish."
He sighed as he rubbed his eyes. He hated talking about that house. He hated even remembering that house. But he knew that talking about it was important to her in her recovery. "I'm sorry. Go ahead."
"After . . . Ace found . . . Diane . . . I got . . . scared. I stopped . . . taking . . . 'Ludes. I started . . . fighting him."
"And he liked it?" Trap figured out as she nodded.
"I don't . . . want to . . . fight Mike. But . . . what if . . . he hurts . . . me . . . too?"
"If he's told you that you like being with him, I don't think he's going to hurt you. But, you're getting ahead of yourself anyway. You're still getting used to being around him again. I think it's too early to start jumping to the next step."
"Maybe."
***MJMJMJ***
Later that afternoon, Trap spotted Mike pulling in under the carport and loped over to him. "Hey, do you have a few minutes?"
"Yeah. Is something wrong?" Mike asked as he followed Trap toward the small house that the handyman called home. He walked inside as Trap closed the door. "Wow, this is a really nice place."
"Thanks. Do you want a beer?"
"No. What's on your mind?"
"Jill and I had a very strange conversation this afternoon and I'm not sure what it means."
"What did you talk about?" Mike sat down in a nearby chair.
"First off, please don't take this the wrong way, but mainly it was about sex."
"Okay," Mike drawled out slowly.
"I guess she's been having some pretty intense dreams lately."
"She's been having nightmares," Mike confirmed as Trap shook his head. "Yeah, she has. I've been sleeping right beside her and she's been waking me up."
"Oh, I didn't know you were sleeping in the same bed," Trap said as he looked at Mike. "But, you know something? For such a smart guy, right now you're an idiot! Man, she's been having dreams about having sex. Dreams about having sex with you."
"Oh, wow," Mike breathed as he ran his hands through his hair.
"I didn't even know women had dreams like that. Anyway, the dreams are confusing to her, Mike. Because of her past history with him."
"Why didn't she say something to me?"
"Because I'm her best friend and she's shared almost everything with me. She doesn't remember having that with you, yet. Mike, if you tell her she's going to be embarrassed."
"Don't worry, I won't tell her. Lately, she's been asking a lot of questions. She's still trying to figure out how she fits into the scheme of things in my life."
"I don't mind answering her questions, but I thought you'd want to know about the sex thing."
"I'd better get back to the house. Paul will have dinner waiting."
***MJMJMJ***
After dinner, Mike saddled up the horses as they rode out to their tree. The plan was to stay out at the tree for a little while and then come back to the dock as the sun was going down. Watching the sun set over the lake was their new favorite time of the day. He settled against the tree trunk as Jill settled into the 'v' of his outstretched legs. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Ummm," she murmured as she interlaced her fingers with his. Just like old times, they were hand holding once again. She discovered that she liked holding hands with him very much.
"Do you want me to keep staying in the bedroom with you?"
"Why . . . wouldn't . . . I?"
"Well, I know that you're worried about things happening too fast. I just don't want you to feel like I'm rushing you."
She leaned against him deep in thought for several minutes before whirling around as fast as her body would allow her to. "Trap . . . talked . . . to you?" She accused, her eyes dark with anger and humiliation.
"He's just worried about you. I thought that you were having nightmares."
"I am . . . most of . . . the time," she bit her lip as she blushed scarlet. "It's so . . . confusing! I have . . . dreams . . . about him . . . but then . . . I have . . . dreams . . . about you! I'm scared . . . that you . . . are going . . . to get . . . tired of . . . waiting."
"That's not even remotely possible. I'm following your lead, remember? I told you that when we first started dating and I'm telling you that now."
"What does . . . that . . . even mean?"
"It means that when you're ready for me, you'll let me know," he drew her close as he kissed her.
They had shared a lot of kisses under this tree since that first one when they'd spent the day together. So far, all they'd one was kiss. But today she found herself taking his hand and placing it on her stomach her over shirt.
He pulled away and looked her in the eye as he slowly slid his hand up further to lightly cup her breasts through her shirt. She gasped at the feeling but she didn't pull away. Instead she pressed her hand over his as she leaned in to kiss him again, her tongue mingling with his. But she suddenly stopped when she felt his straining erection through his jeans. "It's okay," he was breathing hard as he rested his forehead against hers. "But, we should head back to the house. We can watch the sun set and then I need to take a cold shower."
"Do I . . . ?" She stopped, blushing darker than ever as she looked down at his crotch.
"No," he shook his head. "It's okay, because I understand why you don't."
She closed her eyes tightly against the feelings of shame and embarrassment that were sweeping over her in waves. "Do you?" She finally asked as he helped her to her feet and back onto Dusty.
"Oh, yeah," he grinned.
"And I . . . let you?" She managed to squeak out as he laughed.
"Let me? There have been times I've thought that you were going to suffocate me," he climbed onto Ranger as he led them back to the house.
"Michael!" She chastised him as he laughed even more merrily. She loved to listen to him laugh. It was like listening to music. She was glad that she could make him laugh, even over something so frigging embarrassing. She just wanted the ground to swallow her up right now.
After watching the sun set, they went back into the house where Mike fixed them both huge bowls of ice cream, much to Jill's delight. He'd discovered long ago that his wife was an ice cream and pizza junkie. "I liked hearing you call me 'Michael' a while ago. You only call me that when you're really irritated at me or when you're in the throes of . . . "
"Don't . . . say it," she warned as she pointed her spoon at him. "Mike? Where . . . was the . . . last place . . . that we . . . went before . . . this . . . happened?"
"Let me think," he thought for a few minutes before he answered her. "We went to The Open House with Willie and Terry a couple of nights before. We do that sometimes. But, the last place that you and I went was Santa Monica. We went there the Saturday before this happened to you."
"What was . . . I like? Before?"
He knew how hard she was trying to claw her way back to him, and at times it was still too emotional for him to think about. What she was like depended on which period she was talking about. "When I first met you, you were pretty closed-off. I could tell that you were scared all of the time. You were much different by the time we got married. I mean, you were still fearful, at times, but you were so much more relaxed. Then I fucked up . . . " he stopped when he saw the look on her face.
"What did . . . you do?"
"Hey, did I tell you that Willie and Terry are coming over Saturday? They're going to bring plenty of pizza with them," he took their ice cream bowls and headed for the kitchen.
"What did . . . you mean . . . by what . . . you just said?"
"I don't want to talk about that right now," he came over and leaned over her chair. "Let's go watch TV."
After watching TV, they did her evening exercises before getting ready for bed. After they both took showers, he got into bed and pulled her against him as he pulled the covers securely over them. "Are you warm enough?"
"I'm fine," she yawned as she reached for his hand.
She woke up a few hours later, her heart racing and her nightgown sticking to her sweat-soaked skin. That dream was the most intense one, yet. She sat up, feeling as if she couldn't get enough air. She glanced down at Mike, who was soundly sleeping. Not wanting to wake him up, she got out of bed and as quietly as possible, made her way out of the room.
Mike woke up and rolled over; waking up when he found the other side of the bed was empty. Not only empty, but cool which meant that Jill had been up for a while. He got up and padded toward the living room, surprised to find the front door opened. 'Please tell me that she didn't go wandering around in the middle of the night,' he silently prayed as he stepped onto the front porch, where he found Jill in one of the patio chairs, her legs tucked up under her in her white gown. "Are you okay?" He knelt down by her chair.
"I don't . . . understand . . . these . . . dreams, Mike," he couldn't help but notice that she was crying. "I don't . . . understand . . . the way . . . that . . . they're . . . making me feel."
"I know that all you remember is the pain of what he used to do to you," he brushed the tears from her cheeks. "It's not like that with us."
"What did . . . you . . . think . . . when I . . . told you . . . about him? About us?"
"The truth?" She looked at him as she slowly nodded, her eyes huge and fearful. "I wanted to kill the son of a bitch."
"It was you," she wiped at her eyes as he looked confused. "It was . . . you who . . . told me . . . that what . . . he did . . . wasn't sex."
"Because it wasn't. Even what we do isn't about the sex," now it was her turn to look confused. "It's all about making love. Every time I touch you, or kiss you, or even look at you, it's me making love to you," he said as he demonstrated.
"That's sweet," she said against his lips as they deepened the kiss.
"That's me, all about the sweetness. Come on, let's go back to bed."
***MJMJMJ***
"So, Mike was telling me that your police friends are coming out tomorrow to spend the day," Paul said as they worked on Jill's pool exercises.
"They're . . . bringing . . . pizza."
"So, have you four been friends for a long time?"
"I don't know," she shrugged.
Paul was becoming impressed with her constantly improving vocal skills. "What about you and your friend Trap?"
"What about us?"
"Was he ever your boyfriend?"
"Trap?" She almost choked on the very idea. "No we . . . are just . . . friends. He wanted . . . to be . . . my . . . boyfriend . . . but I said . . . no."
"Did he know your other friend? The ex-boyfriend?"
"Yeah," she looked away from him. "Paul . . . I don't . . . want to . . . talk about . . . him."
"Jill, do you remember what Dr. Conti suggested on your last visit?"
She closed her eyes as she remembered what he'd told her that day.
"How are your memories of Mike coming along?"
"I remember . . . some things . . . but some things . . . are fuzzy."
"You do understand that your other friend Cleve is dead?"
"Mike told me."
"Jill, I really think if you talk about what you went through with him, it might propel you toward Mike. You might start remembering your life with him."
"Your family wasn't worried when you were with him?" Paul continued working her leg as she grunted from the pain.
"I thought . . . that they didn't . . . care."
"But you found out that you were wrong?"
"Yeah, I guess. I don't know . . . why I . . . remembered that."
"So, you remember a life after you got away from him?"
"No, not really."
"How did you know him?"
"Cleve?" She looked to him for clarification as he nodded. "Paul, you can . . . say his name. I'm not . . . going . . . to kick you."
"So, how did you know Cleve?"
"His mother . . . and stepfather lived . . . up the road. He wasn't . . . around much . . . when I was . . . growing up."
"Did you love him?"
"No, I was . . . afraid of him. Paul, I really . . . don't want to . . . talk about him . . . anymore."
"I'm sorry," he stopped, realizing that he was pushing her.
"Can I go . . . wandering . . . when we're . . . done?"
"Are you going to your usual spot?" He asked as she nodded. "Yeah, go ahead."
After her exercises, she went to the stable and called Domino, who happily set off with her to the tree. She'd gotten so confident on the crutches that she hardly ever had any stumbles anymore. Dr. Conti had told her on her last visit that he was so impressed by her progress that he was going to have Paul get her ready for her next progression.
She sat down against the trunk in Mike's usual spot as the dog flopped down next to her. As she hugged her knees to her chest, her thoughts drifted to this man who claimed to be her husband. He had to be her husband. After all, she was wearing his rings, wasn't she? She examined the two rings on her left hand. She wished that she could remember when he'd originally placed both of them on her hand. She found herself wondering if it had been a fancy church wedding or something simpler. She knew that Mike had been wearing his army uniform. She remembered that from the pictures he'd originally shown her.
As her thoughts went to their marriage, it automatically went to that other dreaded topic. Sex. The dreams that she had been having were leaving her hot and confused when she woke up from them. In her dreams she could feel Mike touching her and kissing her in the place where she'd felt nothing but pain before. Remembering those dreams now left her feeling as she did after they woke her up.
She thought about the night time. Night time used to be horrible for her. But, the night time with Mike was different. He held her to him so gently, always softly stroking her arms or back as she drifted off. She always awoke in the morning to the secure feeling of his hand resting on her hip.
As they watched TV together in the evenings, she always sat against his chest as he sat with one arm casually draped over her, something that he was obviously very accustomed to. With his arm draped lightly over her, she could touch his fingers or interlace them with her own as she loved to do. With she intertwined their fingers; he always closed his fingers over hers and gave them a gentle squeeze which always made her smile.
She noticed that he liked touching her a lot. He was either holding her hands, enfolding her into his warm embrace. Or stroking his hands down her side as she slept. But she'd also discovered lately that as much as he liked touching her or holding her, she liked him touching and holding her.
She was deep in thought when she heard a horse whinny. Domino pricked his ears as Mike rode up on Ranger. "Is it . . . that late . . . already?"
"No, I took half a day off. Paul told me that you were out here," he got down from the horse as he walked over and sat down beside her.
She smiled as she leaned forward to kiss him. "Hi," she said against his lips.
It made his heart light to see her so happy to see him. It had taken a long time to get to this point. While she still didn't have any real memories of him, at least she seemed happy to have him around. "The guys will be here at around four tomorrow afternoon," he informed her as he stretched his long legs out in front of him.
"Not until then?" She asked in disappointment.
"They have to work, baby. We'll still have a great time," he took her hand and played with her fingers.
"I was . . . thinking," she bit her lip as he smiled up at her.
"What were you thinking about?"
"Did we used . . . to make out . . . a lot?"
"All of the time," he couldn't help but grin. "We still do."
"What do we . . . do for fun? Besides that," she rolled her eyes at the look of pure lust on his face.
"Let me see," he started thinking. "We go to movies, we play cards or Monopoly with the guys, we go to Santa Monica and walk on the pier or on the beach, sometimes I take you to Catalina Island, but that has more to do with that," he told her as she swatted at him. "I even take you dancing on occasion."
"Dancing?" She questioned him. "I can't dance."
"Sure you can," he pulled her down to him as his lips once again found hers. "I taught you."
She settled her head down on his chest as his arms wrapped around her, holding her tightly to him. They lay like that for a long time, feeling drowsy and comfortable in the warm grass. "Did we . . . have a big . . . wedding?"
"It wasn't real big," his hands slowly stroked her back. "We had about 15 people there. Your sister and brother-in-law . . . "
"Amanda was there?"
"She was your matron of honor."
"Who else?" She whispered against his chest.
"Your Uncle Ray and Aunt Lorraine, your grandfather, Trap, your cousin Jimmy and his wife, and a few friends of mine. It was small, but it was the happiest day of my life."
"Really?" She couldn't help smiling.
"Yeah, because I was marrying my very best friend." He was shocked when he felt her sobbing against his chest. "Baby? What's wrong?"
"I want to . . . remember . . . all of that! You sound . . . so happy . . . when you . . . talk about it! I want to . . . remember being . . . happy like . . . that!"
"You're going to remember. You have to remember what Dr. Conti told you on your last visit. When he said that your memory is like the yellow-brick road in 'The Wizard of Oz.' You just have to travel down that road."
"I don't . . . like . . . talking about . . . him!" She sniffled.
"I know, but until you revisit that part of your past, it's going to be hard for you to move forward. What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about him?"
"Pain," she lifted her head up so that she could stare into his beautiful blue-green eyes. His eyes were killer gorgeous. "Not from . . . that . . . first time. I mean . . . that was . . . awful. It took . . . us almost . . . four days . . . to get to . . . L.A. He didn't touch . . . me while we . . . were on the . . . road. The first night . . . in the house . . . he locked the . . . door behind him . . . and unzipped his . . . pants."
Mike closed his eyes, feeling even sicker now than he did when he'd first heard her tell her story to him. As with back then, all he wanted to do was take her into his arms and take her pain away. That was all he ever wanted to do. He'd held her through hundreds of nightmares over the past five years. All because of him. "Tell me about Bear offering to kill him for you," he decided to steer her away from the sexual abuse.
She smiled as she thought of the huge biker. "Bear was the . . . only one that . . . Cleve was afraid of. Cleve hit me . . . in front of . . . him one night . . . and Bear was . . . all over him. He saw bruises . . . on me and . . . asked me if . . . I wanted him . . . to 'take care' . . . of him for me. I was . . . tempted."
"I'm sure that you were. Was Bear the only one who was nice to you?"
"Cleve made . . . sure that the . . . others knew . . . that I was . . . his. They ignored . . . me. Bear wasn't . . . afraid of . . . Cleve."
"When you first told me about him, it made me sick."
"Why did you . . . leave me . . . when you knew—"
"He told you that he was dying. You felt sorry for him. I didn't want to leave you alone with him, but you insisted. I can never deny you anything," he gave her a rueful smile. "I asked the guys to look out for you, but let's just say things didn't exactly go very well. He managed to keep you away from them and they never got to meet him."
"Are they . . . still mad?"
"I'll let you ask them yourselves when they come out tomorrow."
Paul left early that evening since Mike had come home early. He was getting things ready for her evening exercises as she sat in a chair, watching him. The radio was softly playing in the background as she watched him work. Suddenly, he smiled as he heard a particular song come on the radio.
She looked up in surprise as he went to turn the volume up before walking over to her with his hand extended. "May I have this dance, milady?" He grinned at her as she looked at him in surprise.
"Mike, my crutches . . . " she protested.
"Trust me," he said in a low voice as he helped her to her feet. "Put your arms around my neck," he instructed as he stepped back to the middle of the room. "This time follow my lead."
She held onto him as she let her bare feet follow the lead of where his feet were taking them. As they danced, he sang some of the words of the song in her ear. "The first time ever I lay with you; I felt your heart so close to mine; and our joy would fill the earth until the end of time," she looked up at him and smiled before she buried her face into his neck as he continued moving with her.
As he moved with her, he couldn't help but become aroused. It was that way every time he danced with her. Many of their nights coming home after dancing involved clothes being shed as soon as their apartment door closed behind them. He reluctantly pulled away from her as the song ended and the next one began.
"You need . . . another cold . . . shower," she smiled shyly as he helped her back over to her chair.
"Dancing with you always has that affect on me," he grinned. "So, did you enjoy dancing with me?"
"Very much. Can we do . . . that again?"
"Definitely. I'm going to go take that shower."
***MJMJMJ***
Jill was on the dock the next afternoon feeding the ducks when Willie and Terry arrived. She smiled and waved when she saw them. Terry handed several pizza boxes to Willie before walking down to the dock to join her. "Wow, Mike wasn't kidding. You do look great!" He sat down beside her. "Where's your old man?"
"Mike?" He nodded. "In the house. What's Willie . . . doing?"
"We brought pizza. He took it into the house. I'm sure him and Michael will be out here in a few minutes."
Inside the house, Willie handed Mike the three large pizza boxes. "So, she's okay?"
"She's out on the dock. You can go see for yourself. I told her that I'd give her some time alone with the two of you, anyway. So, let me go take care of stuff in here while you go and chat with her," he suggested.
Willie walked down to the dock where Jill and Terry were feeding stale bread to the ducks. "Where are your shoes?" Willie asked as he noticed Jill's bare feet.
"I only . . . wear them . . . when I go . . . for walks. Do you know . . . everything about . . . Mike?"
"Probably not everything," Terry confessed. "But we can probably answer your questions about him."
"No, never mind. I'll ask him. He said that . . . you were angry . . . about Cleve. Why?"
Terry looked over at Willie, remembering what Mike had told them about not evading her questions. "When Mike went out of town, he asked us to look out for you. We knew about the boyfriend . . . "
"He wasn't my . . . boyfriend," she firmly corrected him. "I was . . . scared . . . shitless . . . of him."
"Anyway, we knew that he'd come to town, but Mike didn't tell us why he was worried. We kept trying to meet him, but all we got was one excuse after another. At the time we didn't know it was him making the excuses and not you."
"He almost killed all three of us, Jill," Willie cut in. "We found him holding you in the woods and he ordered us to drop our guns or he was going to kill you. You told us to do what he was asking."
"You got in . . . trouble?" She guessed as the two men nodded.
"Mike came out of nowhere right in the nick of time and we learned that he was getting ready to kill you, anyway."
"Jill, I understand that you don't feel comfortable telling us about him," she looked at Terry. "But it would've been nice to know something."
"Mike said . . . that he got . . . sick when I . . . told him."
"Does Trap know?" Willie asked.
"Trap was . . . there," she told him. "He hates . . . talking . . . about it. He just . . . shuts down."
"How'd you get away from him?"
"I don't . . . remember."
"Hey, are you guys ready to eat?" Mike came out on the dock.
"I'm starving!" Willie announced as he jumped to his feet.
Mike helped Jill to her feet as he slipped his arm around her as Terry watched them. Over the two years that he'd known Mike; he'd seen him demonstrate his gentleness toward Jill many times over. If Cleve had been as abusive as he suspected, he now understood the reasons behind that tenderness.
The three guys and Jill managed to polish off all three pizzas and several cans of soda over the course of the evening. She enjoyed laughing with them as they teased each other. She could see how much they enjoyed each others' company. It was after midnight before they parted company. "We'll have to do this again," Mike said as they walked the two men out to the car.
"Get some sleep," they said as Terry got behind the wheel and started the car as Willie got in on the passenger side.
"That sounds like a wonderful idea," Mike smiled down at Jill after the guys had driven off.
Later that night, Mike was awakened by Jill's shrill screams in the darkness. His heart was pounding as he bolted straight up. She hadn't screamed like this since the early days of their relationship. She kept screaming one word over and over, but it took him a few seconds to realize what she was screaming. "Blood! Blood! It's all over!" She continued screaming.
"Jill," he put his hand on her shoulder to awaken her. "Baby, you're dreaming. Come on, open your eyes."
The noise stopped as suddenly as if someone had turned off a faucet. "There's so . . . much blood," she whispered as she held her arms out in front of her. "It's all over . . . my arms. It's all over. Don't you . . . see it?"
"Oh, baby," he pulled her closer as she buried her head into his chest. She had to be remembering her wrists. That's the only thing that it could be.
"Cleve kept . . . screaming at me . . . that I was . . . fucking up . . . the floors. Don't let them . . . tie my arms . . . down."
Part of him realized that she was still half asleep and somewhat in her dream. "Do you remember why you did it?" He asked as he rubbed circles on her back.
"He hurt me . . . so bad! I couldn't take . . . him . . . doing that to . . . me anymore! They wanted . . . to know who . . . had . . . done that . . . to me. I was too . . . scared to tell . . . them. He was . . . huge . . . and it felt . . . like . . . it was made . . . of sandpaper. I knew if . . . I died that . . . the pain . . . would stop."
As he held her to his chest, Mike knew that he'd do anything in his power to help her slay those demons from her past that kept trying to take her away from him. "He's dead, baby. He's gone. He's never going to come back and hurt you again."
"Mike?" She pulled away to look at him. "Did he do . . . anything to . . . me—"
"No, baby," he shook his head. "We got to you before he had a chance."
She sighed in relief as she once again buried her head into his chest. "I wish I'd . . . taken Bear up . . . on his offer."
"No, you don't," he told her as he continued to rub her back.
"What do you . . . usually do . . . when I have . . . bad dreams?"
"Usually what I'm doing right now. I hold you and tell you that everything's going to be okay."
"I love you, Mike," his heart almost stopped as she uttered the words that he'd been waiting almost three months to hear.
"Oh baby, I love you, too."
A/N: It was hard to find a stopping point for this chapter. Sorry if it got a little graphic, but my muse had a brutal ex. Anyway, the next chapter I'm going to put Mike and Jill back together completely as the trial begins.