AN: Hey guys, sorry this took so long, RL dragged me away for a while and I had a bit of time today to write, so I did... A lot happens this chapter, but it's just the first dip of the rollercoaster. I hope you have your seat belts on.

WARNINGS: Tissue warning for this chapter, keep 'em handy. Also: Drug references and sexual references.

DISCLAIMER: SM owns the characters and all things Twilight. I own a bunch of crappy secondhand furniture I bought recently when I moved house.

You used to care,

until I cared too.

And then you changed,

because I loved you.

Numb

~*~

I remember being told about how upset Carlisle was when Edward and Emmett brought Emmett's jeep to a screeching halt in the parking lot that day, the marks from the tires was STILL on the asphalt in front of the hospital.

I was startled from my memories by the sound of my own voice followed by sobbing. Listening closely I identified the source of my voice as being my voicemail message.

"Hey, this is Jasper I can't answer the phone, leave a message and I'll get back to you."

I was confused when I heard it being repeated, over and over. And with each repetition the sobbing was growing louder.

"Esme." Carlisle's concerned voice called. "What are you doing?"

"I… I just want him to wake up so bad." Esme sobbed, as once again, my voicemail message echoed through the room. "I keep calling his voicemail just to hear his voice again."

"Esme." Carlisle faltered.

"Tell me he has a chance, I mean he did open his eyes… He'll be fine, right?" Esme sounded hysterical.

Carlisle hesitated before sighing and halfheartedly reassuring her. "Jasper's a tough kid, he could pull through, remember the first time he was in here? We thought we'd lost him then."

I could remember the time he was talking about; it was during my suspension, because of the pills Maria had given me.

SUSPENSION: DAY 4

Unknown time: "Well, well, well. Looky here. Perfect Whitlock isn't so perfect, now is he?" Mike Newton's mocking voice dragged me from sleep.

What the hell is he doing in my house? I wondered.

I cracked an eye open only to wince and squeeze it shut again. "Too bright." I mumbled sleepily.

Cautiously I opened my eyes again and looked around. I wasn't at home. The walls were too bright, the bed too hard and there was an old guy looking at me from a bed across the room. I was in hospital.

"What happened?" I asked myself.

"You took drugs and called Eddie saying that you loveeee him, then you fainted like a bitch." Newton cackled, making me jump in surprise as I'd forgotten he was there.

"What the hell are you doing in here Mike?" Emmett roared as he and Edward entered the room.

"I was just coming to visit my good friend Jasper, see how he likes being in the hospital for once." Mike grinned at me evilly.

"Get the fuck out you fag." Edward sneered.

"I'm not gay." Mike protested, angrily turning to leave the room.

"No, you're just so far in the closet you've been to Narnia." Emmett snickered at Mike's back. Edward and I laughed loudly enough for the old man in the bed next to me to glare back in our direction.

Once we'd calmed down I looked at Edward, then Emmett. "What the fuck happened earlier?"

Edward winced and Emmett looked uncomfortable. "What do you mean 'earlier?'" Edward finally asked. "Earlier like, before Newton arrived or earlier like two days ago when you called me, completely off your head on drugs then passed out and nearly died from choking on your own vomit?"

My mouth dropped open and I stared at Edward blankly, Emmett elbowed him in the side. "DUDE."

"Ok, so I took drugs with Maria, I remember that. Then we when she went home I started to feel a bit off, so I drank lots of water like she told me to… Then nothing." I tried to remember further than that, but couldn't.

"Emmett, Edward. OUT." Carlisle snapped, entering the room. "I need to talk to Jasper, ALONE."

I gulped and weakly waved good bye to the guys.

"JASPER WHITLOCK what kind of an idiot are you turning into?" Carlisle roared as the door closed.

"So now I'm a Whitlock to you..." I muttered under my breath.

"What was that?" Carlisle asked waspishly.

"I said, 'So now I'm a Whitlock to you.'" I repeated.

"What are you talking about?" Carlisle face went from enraged to confused in an instant.

"You always tell me that I'm a Cullen now, that you're my family and I'll always be a Cullen as well as a Whitlock, but when the going gets tough I'm suddenly not good enough to be a Cullen." I yell at him, watching with satisfaction as he flinched but scowling when he chose to ignore my rant.

"Do you have any idea what it was like for me to see Emmett's jeep come screaming into the emergency bay when he was supposed to be at school? I thought something had happened to Bella when Edward jumped out looking frantic." Carlisle wasn't looking at me as he talked, so he couldn't see the dark look I was giving him. "Then to see your limp body being dragged out of the back I almost had a heart attack."

I listened quietly, pissed at him still, but wanting to know what happened to me, Carlisle glanced at me quickly and I motioned for him to keep going.

"We couldn't wake you up, you passed out, then vomited, then almost drowned on your own vomit. But Edward got to the house in time to stop that happening; however, he couldn't revive you so brought you here. You flat lined twice, Jasper." He had tears in his eyes now. "Esme found a pill in your room and had me run a screen on it, I assume you thought it was ecstasy?" I nodded.

"It wasn't." Carlisle sighed quietly. 'It was Dextromethorphan, or DXM. Which is often used in fake ecstasy pills."

I'm sure I looked bewildered. "So what happened if it was a fake? Fakes don't do anything do they?"

"DXM is a cough suppressant that dries out the lungs; it raised your body temperature but also dried out your skin and prevented you from sweating. Since you were already overheated you would have drank a lot of water, but seeing as you couldn't sweat it out you had to throw it up, too bad you'd already passed out from heatstroke when that happened." Carlisle looked me in the eye. "You're very lucky that Edward left school as soon as you stopped responding to him on the phone, you can thank him that you're still alive right now."

"But wait, this all happened on Tuesday, it's Thursday now… What else happened?" I interrupted him praising Edward and his perfection, as usual.

"Like I said, you flat lined twice. Your heart wasn't handling the stress the drug put on it and we had to keep you unconscious until your body could handle to be awake."

"So you put me in a coma for two days?" I asked.

"No, we just kept you asleep by putting a mild anesthetic through your IV." He looked at me sternly. "Who gave you the drugs Jasper? Edward says you have been hanging with Maria a lot these days, was it her?"

I glared at him and kept silent; I wasn't going to give her up.

I think I love her. I thought suddenly.

Wait… love?

Really?

Maybe.

Carlisle noticed my determined look and sighed again. "Jasper, we need to know if she's ok, there's a chance she took the same pills as you and didn't make it to the hospital in time."

"Fine, it was her. But I don't want you telling Charlie, I just want to be sure she's ok." I mumbled, feeling sick thinking about her at home, alone, dead.

I snapped my head up to glare hatefully at him when he muttered his next sentence. "There's also a chance she deliberately gave you a bad batch."

"I don't think so." I snapped at him.

"Jasper, Edward warned me before you were brought in here and I saw them for myself, that you've been cutting again."

"Edward huh? Did he also tell you about how he used to watch Bella sleep at night, before they'd even officially met? Did he tell you about how the first time he did it he went to the wrong window and saw her showering but didn't leave? Did he tell you that he just fucking sat there watching her shower and still didn't speak to her until Emmett introduced them a week later?" Carlisle's face grew paler with each angry word that flew from my mouth. "NO! I bet he didn't. He just sticks his nose into other people's business and spills OTHER PEOPLE'S SECRETS."

"He was just worried about you Jasper, we all are." Carlisle spoke softly, as though his voice would set me off, it didn't.

"Your mother is especially worried." That did it.

"My mother?" I scoffed bitterly. "She's not my mother, and you're not my father. Stop trying to be. And tell Edward that he's no friend of mine." With that I ripped the IV from my hand and fled the hospital, leaving Carlisle screaming at me to stop from my room.

I went straight to Maria's house, Carlisle had worried me when he told me that the pills were duds and dangerous. I had to make sure she was ok, and tell her about the revelation I had in the hospital, tell her that I think I love her.

I was out of breath when I arrived, but thankfully her car was in the drive and the lights were on inside, that meant she was alive… I hoped.

I knocked on the door and grew concerned when I found it unlocked, stepping inside cautiously I called out for her. "Maria?"

Getting no response I listened carefully and could here a banging noise coming from the direction of her bedroom. I quickly went towards the noise and slowly opened the door.

What greeted me from behind that door was enough to bring me to my knees as pain spread through my chest, but I couldn't leave. Maria looked up and noticed me kneeling in the doorway.

"Oh… Cowboy, you're alive." She panted, slowing down the gyration of her hips as she looked up at me. "Jacob and I will be done in a sec. Just wait in the living room."

I looked at her incredulously. "What?"

"You want a turn right?" She asked, stopping and getting off Jacob to face me.

"You cheated on me…You're cheating on me… You're intending to cheat on me while I'm in the house?" I ranted, my chest aching.

"Oh… Cowboy, I said you were my main man. Not my only one. Now leave, before Jacob does the job those pills should have." Maria pushed me from the room and slammed the door in my face.

Did she just admit she tried to kill me? The thought ran through my head on repeat as I numbly walked through her house to the front door.

As I left I wasn't surprised to see Carlisle waiting out the front in his Mercedes. I wasn't even surprised to see Chief Swan and another cop get out of a police cruiser and head towards the house.

I silently walked to the car and sat in the passenger seat, not looking at Carlisle's angry and concerned face as he pulled out and headed back towards the hospital.

As we pulled out of the drive I heard Charlie's voice yell something, followed by Maria's voice screaming my name alongside expletives and a selection of threats.

I didn't care anymore. "I loved you Maria…" I whispered to the scenery that raced past the car as we drove away.

AN: Poor Jasper just can't catch a break. And how sad is Esme calling his voicemail just to hear his voice? AWWWW =[

Review?