Chapter 12

Donnie

I woke up and immediately wondered where on earth Olivia was. She was always here when I woke up. The silence in my apartment was something that I was no longer used to. Climbing out of the bed I thought I remembered her saying something about breakfast but I didn't smell anything coming from the kitchen. Stumbling to the bathroom and taking care of the typical morning business, then splashing my face with ice cold water I headed out to the kitchen to see what she was up to.

The woman was nowhere in my apartment. I noticed a note on the counter next to a pot of coffee.

::Donnie, went out to find something to eat. Have you checked your kitchen out lately? You might consider a grocery store excursion sometime in the near future. I don't know if you will be awake before I get back or not, somehow I doubt it, so if you do happen to crawl out of bed after your late night of fun and all that, text me if you want me to bring you home something to eat. Otherwise, I'll see you when I get back. XOXO, Liv.::

If I didn't know better I'd say she was pissed. Knowing her like I do though if she was truly that pissed, she'd have let it be known before she walked out of that door. I wasn't really hungry anyway, so I headed into the office to get some things finalized for the opening of the restaurant.

The door opened about half an hour later and I called out, "In here ma!"

"Glad it's just me then, otherwise you'd have led some crazed moron right to you." She smiled down at me and held out a bag. "You never text me but I figured you'd need to eat eventually. More work?" The last was said on a fading smile.

"Just a little, but I'll be done in no time and I promise you we will do something, anything you want to do. Give me maybe another half an hour okay?" I hated that look in her eyes that said she didn't really think I'd be finished that soon, or that we'd spend any kind of time together, but damn it this time I was going to do my best.

"Don't rush yourself, I know you've got a lot on your plate and all with the restaurant opening up and working on this new tour stuff and filming. I'm just going to go watch tv, if you need any help or want an extra hand let me know."

She turned and walked out of the office and in that moment I knew that I didn't want to hurt her anymore and yet still had this tugging inside of me that something just wasn't right, a piece was missing. A very important piece.

Olivia

The plane touched down in Atlanta and I wiped the sleep from my eyes. I was glad to be home simply because I missed my sweet little girl, but I was starting to develop a love for the big city. Of course many would argue that Atlanta was a big city in itself but for me there was an enormous difference between this big city and the Big Apple. I never thought I'd be one to fall in love with all that hustle and bustle but I was.

I got home and walked in, setting my bags down in the hallway I headed straight to the kitchen. I was so hungry that I couldn't stand it. Donnie of course had never made it to the grocery store and the whole eating every meal out thing just wasn't my style. Just one more way we were completely different. And he'd not finished up that work in the half hour he'd promised. In fact, three hours later he'd called out that he just needed another fifteen minutes which turned into four hours. I spent all day Saturday on the couch, alternating between reading my book, and watching mindless tv shows.

I don't know why I was letting it bother me so that he had worked the day away; after all, I had expected it. Maybe it was because every time he did that I kept hearing those voices from my past telling me that I wasn't good enough. I knew that was a lie, I really did, but when something had been so ingrained into your mind it was hard to let it go completely.

Maybe it bothered me so because it only made it feel more as though something were missing with us. I loved the guy, I really did, but I was starting to question that love. Was it the love of someone who was in a relationship or the love of someone who was a great friend? Suddenly I didn't know the answer anymore. I just knew that I didn't want him to not be in my life.

I brooded over this all week, then Wednesday I got a call from Nick. "Hey woman, what are you doing?"

"Nothing at all, just relaxing at the house, why are you asking sir?"

"I thought you might like some company, that's all. I'll be free for a few days and thought I'd stop by if you didn't care."

I smiled broadly, excited at the thought of Nick visiting. "Of course you can! I'll get the guest room ready. When will you be in?"

"Give me about half an hour?"

I laughed then. "So sure I'd want your company that you're already in Atlanta?"

"Of course."

I hung up the phone and headed off to get things ready for him. The prospect of having him here took my mind off of all the mess with Donnie and I was grateful for the distraction.

Unlike someone else I knew, Nick was true to his word and in half an hour my doorbell rang. I opened the door and threw my arms around his neck. "I am so glad you're here!"

He laughed and lifted me off the ground in a fierce hug. "Me too! I couldn't let Donnie be getting all of my best friend's attention now could I?"

The smile slowly left my face at the mention of Donnie and I hated it. I wanted his name to spark the butterflies again; instead it just seemed to chase them away. I tried to put the smile back before Nick noticed it had faded out. "Well, I wouldn't say he's getting all of my attention."

He studied me closely and then wrapped his arm around my shoulders and led me to the kitchen. He made himself at home, opening my fridge, pouring two glasses of sweet tea, and plopping down at the table. "What's that look for? And don't you tell me there is no look. There's a tone too. What's going on with you two?"

I sighed. "I don't know Nick, I guess it's just that he's too busy for him to be getting all of my attention is all."

"And, go on, what else? Have you two been getting along?"

"Of course, when we actually are together. I mean, like this past weekend, he went out Friday to some party thing with fans, and I didn't go. You know how I feel about that. Then I was asleep before he came home, and that was after Will and I had gone to eat and talked for at least two hours. Then when I woke up Saturday morning Donnie was sound asleep and so I went out for breakfast and a walk. Left a note for him and thought he'd at least text or call when he woke up, if he woke up before I got back. When he didn't I assumed he was still asleep yet I walk in and he's working in the office. Said he'd only be half an hour then we'd have some time. Seven and a half hours later, he came staggering out wanting to go out to eat." I took a sip of the tea he'd sat in front of me and then said, "It's just like, I don't know, it's silly. I mean if I was a stack of paperwork I might actually felt like he knew I was there sometimes."

"You've never been one to hide how you feel. Have you told him how bad it bothers you? And what does he think of you and Will hanging out?"

"See that's the thing, I don't say anything with him. I guess I have the mentality that we aren't dating, we're just friends with incredible benefits, so I really don't have a say in it all. As for Will, Donnie actually suggested he come out to the screening thing Friday to keep me company."

"I think you need to let Donnie know how you're feeling. And if you want more than that beneficial friendship, say so. Tell him you won't stand for being just a good time and you want a commitment."

"I never said I wanted that, but then again, maybe that's what I feel like is missing with us…" I trailed off, not even realizing that I'd let that little piece of information slip to him. Alex knew all about that missing feeling, but I'd not mentioned it to Nick. Thankfully he let it go but I could tell he had stored it away for later. "Anyway, it's late, and I'm sure that you're tired. Come on and I'll show you your room. Then you can shower or whatever and get some sleep."

After I had Nick squared away I headed into my room and took out my cell phone.

::D, you busy?::

It took a minute but finally I got ::No, what's up babe?::

::I just wanted to be sure that you wanted… no that's not what I mean. I just wanted to tell you that I understand you're busy but it feels like you never have time for me. I don't want to be in the way of your work and stuff, and it seems like there's a lot of it these days.::

I pressed send then added ::I love that you love your work so much and the passion you put into it, I do, but I guess what I'm trying to say is, it'd be nice to have that kind of attention myself. Not always, just sometimes to feel like I'm as important as the work is now and then.::

I held my breath waiting on his reply. Finally it came. ::I am so incredibly sorry that you feel that way. I didn't realize it bothered you so much, in fact I guess I thought you didn't mind because you never said anything. You are important to me. Very much so. This weekend, it will be different, I promise. You're still coming right?::

::Of course I am silly. See you then.::

I shut my cell off and fell asleep smiling.