Eventually, Mattie's quiet sewing also started to make Ivan upset. Though he never said anything about it and would normally carve bits of wood to try and calm himself. She could tell he was upset, but she didn't know what to do about it. Sometimes, she just put down her sewing and went to sit and stare out the window in thought.

"Alright I've had it!"

Mattie jumped at the sudden exclamation as Ivan tossed the fifth piece of ruined wood into the fireplace before storming into his room and slamming the door shut once inside. She flinched, staying where she was for a moment before going into her own room to curl up on the bed quietly.

Ivan didn't come out until he had to make supper, and only then because his stomach wouldn't stop growling. He had decided on stew because he had a feeling tonight was going to be very cold. Perhaps it would snow tomorrow? "Are you hungry?" He asked keeping his voice low when Mattie came out of her room a few minutes later.

"Yes." She nodded and sat down at the table.

Ivan said no more and continued cooking. Everything feels like it's in knots.

)*(

The stew was served fifteen minutes later, a bowl for each of them to start with as Ivan sat down across from Mattie.

"Thank you." She started to eat quietly, but to Ivan, eating felt like more of a chore today.

When Mattie had emptied her bowl, she got up and got herself a little bit more stew before sitting back down. She had just scooped up a mouthful of stew as a heavy sigh came from Ivan and he rested his face in his hands. She lowered her spoon at the sigh and looked up at him. "Is everything all right?" She asks softly.

"Fine." He said between clenched teeth.

"It doesn't sound like everything is fine…" She says, going back to eating quietly.

"It doesn't matter."

"… All right then."

Ivan tensed and glared down at his bowl. He was trying to keep things under control but everything just bottling up; it felt like knots and being squished. He knew that there was nothing to be mad at, but he couldn't stop feeling like this. Everything had just seemed to get worse since he had became sick, even if he was over the cold now.

"I'm going out." Ivan said as he stood when Mattie had left the table to clean up.

"When will you be back?" She asks softly.

"Before morning I hope."

"Please be careful…"

"I will." He got his things together to go; he was going to the bar to get some vodka, hoping it would help him relieve some tension. Even getting into a scrap would be good right about now. She gave him a quick hug before he could leave and he felt out of place from the hug, but returned it nonetheless before then walking out the door.

)*(

Ivan didn't come home for five hours; most of it was spent walking the shoreline. He was drunk, but didn't feel nearly as tense, not that bad of a turn out. It would have been better if someone had picked a fight with him.

"Welcome home." Mattie greets softly when he came in the door, making Ivan jump in surprise, not at all expecting her to be waiting for him.

"Um... you're still up."

"I napped earlier, so I wasn't really tired."

"I see." Ivan then kicked off his boots and threw his coat onto the table before sitting on the bench, staring at the tiny fire in the stove.

"Would you like a hot bath to relax in?" She asks after a few minutes.

"Are you coming in?" He was mumbling as he looked at her.

"Only if you want me to join you."

He tried to glare at her, but being drunk it was hard to get his body and mouth to do what he wanted them to. "I wouldn't be asking otherwise. If I said I was going for a swim and then asked you it wouldn't matter, would it?"

Mattie stared for a moment before nodding and standing. "All right, I'll go get the water heated up then."

Ivan had enough sense to change first before coming to join Mattie, holding a cup of water in one hand as he watched her fill the tub. "You confuse me."

"What do you mean?" She asks as she glanced briefly at the tall man.

He took a drink before answering. "I finally start to think it's safe and then you turn around and change your mind. You only wanted to because I said no, wasn't it? Just a game or something to tease me." Ivan was mumbling with a slight frown on his face.

"… I don't think I understand what you're trying to say." She says slowly.

"It hurt you know... it took a lot just for me to do it. I don't know what the feeling is, but I just want to yell at you all the time now or throw something." He takes another drink.

"What hurt?" Mattie asks softly, looking back at him, clearly confused.

"This... thing." Ivan tapped his heart but looked as though he was prodding at a jellyfish or something gross looking. "Like a rope or something's been wrapped around it in a knot. And— and every time you do something, like hugs or hand holding, it pulls. But it tightens more and drowns when you sit alone." He continued to poke at it as he thought aloud. "Mmm, maybe it is because of that gross tea, because my belly still feels like it turns when you touch me. It helped the fever, but made you a rotten fish."

"I… don't think that's from the medicine." She says after he finished talking, resuming her task of filling the tub with heated water.

"Eh? It's not?" He tilted his head. "Must be sickness then... I don't want to be sick anymore."

"I don't think that it's sickness either."

"What you mean? Has to be, 's not normal." Ivan he frowned. "Hope 's not the same as grandfather's sickness. His thing killed him... Must be, he said his chest hurt a lot before he died."

"Well, if it is a sickness then I must be sick too." Mattie says after a few moments of silence.

Ivan dropped his cup, spilling the last of its contents on the floor as he grabbed Mattie's shoulders. She dropped the freshly empty bucket in surprise at the suddenness of Ivan's actions. "No! Mattie, you can't be!"

Mattie took a breath to compose herself after being startled before she spoke. "Ivan, please calm down." She requests gently.

"But you can't be sick too, I don't want you to die."

"I don't think it's a sickness Ivan."

Ivan let go of her shoulders, still in disbelief. "Well what else could it be? Sickness is the only thing besides anger that makes your body strange or uncontrolled."

"I don't think that's quite true." She says, finishing filling up the tub. "I asked the nurse about it hurting while I was there for a few days and she said it was probably either me just missing my home or this thing called love."

"What is love?" He asked, looking deeply confused. "I heard the word often, but was too scared to ask; afraid the town would punish me more."

"The nurse didn't have time to explain, but I asked Natalya and the girls when they visited me. They said love is when you really really like someone a lot and you want to protect them and be with them and stuff."

"Eeh? But I did all that before we were friends." This just confused him more. "I don't think little girls know."

"Well they said there were different kinds of love. I didn't fully understand and I was going to ask some of the women what the word means the next time we went to church." She says with a shrug. "The girls said there is friend-love, love between parents and children, and then love between two people that usually results in something called marriage." Most of the latter description came from the older girls like Natalya.

"Why? And how does one know the difference? Wait... Love is just another word for hurt? That makes more sense now."

"I don't know. Like I said, I was going to ask the women at church the next time we went there." She shrugged again. "Anyway, the tub is filled now."

"Okay. You going in first or me?"

"What do you want to do? I have to take my clothes off to get in and you usually don't want to see me uncovered in this form."

"Here." Ivan put his hands over his eyes.

Though the action was odd of him to do, she just stripped and tossed her clothes off to the side and got in, waiting until she had her tail before speaking. "Okay, you can uncover your eyes now."

He grinned after he did, his eyes marveling her lower half. "I really like your tail." Ivan climbed into the tub, sitting down with a sigh. "I also like hot baths." After a moment he reached out and ran his hand down her tail. "I wish I had a tail too."

"Why?" She asks curiously, tilting her head a little as she watched his hand move over her skin.

"So I could live in the ocean with you and not have to worry about people anymore."

"There are lots of other things to worry about though." She gave a small smile. "Personally I think it's safer up here on land."

"Why? Your kind seem nicer, the hugs and touching. People don't do that with me at all."

"The hugs and touching are a part of communication." She gave a soft giggle. "And it's also easy to get eaten in the ocean and if you get badly injured there's not a doctor to stitch you up. If I'd gotten stabbed out in the ocean, I would have died."

"I would have stitched you!"

"But if you were born in the ocean and had a tail, you wouldn't know how to stitch."

"I didn't say I wanted to be born in the ocean, I just wished I had a tail. There's a difference."

"I don't think you can get a tail any other way Ivan."

"That's not fair." He glares down at his legs. "I would trade my legs for a tail."

Mattie placed her hand on top of the one of his that was still on her tail. "You may not be able to do that but at least I can trade my tail for legs." She says softly.

"I guess that is true... But then you're stuck here when it freezes."

"That's not so bad." She says with a gentle smile, shifting to cuddle up next to him.

"Em." He shifted slightly. "Hurts again, if you have the sickness too, then why do this? Hurts you too, right?"

"No, mine hurts for different reasons than yours does." The mermaid says as she shook her head. "That's why I don't think it's a sickness."

"How do you know it's different?"

"Because this makes it feel nice and… happy." She says after a moment of thought. "It hurts when I'm lonely, it hurts when you're hurting."

"How do I change it? Why can't mine feel like that?"

"I don't know… maybe yours hurts like that because everyone's always been mean to you and this," She gently tapped the area over his heart. "Just doesn't know how to properly respond to things that are supposed to be happy and nice."

"Hm." Ivan stared down at her hand for a long while in thought before fixing his eyes on her. "Like a dog learning tricks? Can you teach it? It doesn't listen to me so maybe it will listen to you."

"I don't know Ivan." She says softly, shifting to sort of sit on his lap, though sitting in general was a bit different in this form. She then pressed the side of her head to his chest to listen to his heartbeat. "It might. Mine doesn't listen to me either though."

Ivan's heartbeat started to pick up pace, beating rather hard. It also made a weird clenching feeling throughout his ribcage. "It's hurting more now and feels like I'm going to be sick." He felt like he was choking on his words, but he couldn't stop looking at Mattie.

"It's thumping really fast." She says softly, just listening to it for a few moments.

It slowed some after a while and he seemed more relaxed. "It doesn't hurt so much anymore... What did you do?"

"I don't know. I'm just listening to it. It's not thumping so fast anymore."

"That's weird..." Mattie didn't respond and was quiet for a minute or two before gently hugging him and nuzzling where his heart was softly. A jolt ran through him and his heart was beating quickly like before. "Hurts." Ivan whined softly.

"I think I was right." She whispers just as soft. "Everyone's always been mean and cruel to you so yours hurts whenever I'm being nice or trying to show that I care."

"What should I do then...? It's not nice if you have to stop because it hurts me. I like giving you hugs and nuzzling is my favorite too." Ivan's shoulders slumped.

"I don't know." Her head came up and they nuzzled each other. "Maybe we should do things like nuzzling and hugs more often? If it gets used to it, then maybe it will stop hurting."

He smiled faintly. "I'd like that... oh, this feels like a different type of hurt."

"How does it feel?" She asks softly, smiling a little as well.

"Weird..." He stops to think on how to explain it. "My arms are tense too, like I want to crush you."

"Well don't crush me silly." She giggles, nuzzling him again. "Weird how?"

"Hard to explain in words." He wasn't sure if that was an invite to hug her or not.

"Perhaps you could try to explain with body language?" She suggests.

"How?"

"I don't know. Using facial expressions, gestures, or actions perhaps?"

Ivan was utterly confused on what she wanted him to do. "... So just do what comes to mind?"

She nods. "That could work, yes."

He looked a bit frightened by the idea. "You... sure?"

Mattie pulled back a little to look at him and smiled softly. "Yes, I'm sure. I'll let you know if I don't like something or want you to stop."

Ivan was very hesitant about it and kept waiting for her to change her mind or to do something else but she just continued to smile so it must really be okay. He made sure to move slowly at first, wrapping his arms around Mattie tightly and nuzzling her. He made a happy sound as she returned the actions and nuzzled her more, her cheeks, her forehead, and lastly, her nose. His face was red and his heart was hurting a little, but he was happy.

Mattie made a soft, joyful trill, smiling with her eyes closed contently as Ivan rubbed his hand up and down her back. He enjoyed her smoothness; it reminded him of polished stones from the sea. He remembered he used to always keep one in his pocket to touch when he was a child. "I enjoy touching you, you feel so nice." He says with a chuckle.

She smiled happily and nuzzled him. "I like things like this." She murmurs. "Physical contact is very, very nice. I enjoy it a lot."

Ivan's actions slowed and became a little firmer over time, though his heart was pounding harder as he nuzzled Mattie's nose again and again and again with his own. He had a built up feeling of wanting to be closer. The feeling built until it felt like it was in his throat and that was where Ivan froze; the nuzzling and moving of his hands stopped suddenly. Mattie paused in her nuzzling when he stopped, opening her eyes to look at him.

"I... I feel frightened." Ivan's eyes were closed and he even began to tremble.

"Why?" She asks gently in concern.

"I don't know, but it's starting to hurt a lot again." He shook his head.

"It's all right Ivan." She coos in a soothing tone, cupping his face in her hands tenderly. "Do you want to stop the physical contact?"

"No!" Ivan hugged her close, trembling more.

"Okay." She nodded and let go of his face before resting her head on his shoulder.

He went back to nuzzling her again, whining a little. "I don't want the good feeling to stop either..."

"Then don't stop silly." She murmurs with a soft smile. "Good things can come out of scary situations you know."

"They can?" He asked, unsure.

"They can." She says matter of fact. "When I first got caught in your net I'd been trapped for quite some time and I would have drowned if you hadn't shown up when you did. And going out into open water and nearly getting eaten several times led me back here for safety. Those are both very scary situations but I've gotten to meet you and spend time with you and learn many, many new things. Those are all good things."

"I didn't think about it like that. Maybe..."

"Maybe…?" She prompts gently.

He took a moment to ready himself and stop the shaking. Ivan gave her a kiss on the cheek, he had thought that that had been what he was aiming for, but it wasn't scary. Now he was just confused. "Eh? Why was scary before...? Maybe just nose nuzzling was too much?" He mumbled and did it again to test it but felt unchanged.

"Maybe you've gotten over that particular fear?" She suggests, smiling at the kiss nuzzling him back.

"Maybe?" He smiled and placed more kisses on her cheek. "Mattie was right." Ivan said cheerfully.

Mattie smiled back cheerfully as well. "That's great." She praises softly, giving him a few kisses on the cheek as well.

"One here too." He kissed her temple and she gave him one in return. "Feels nice." Ivan cuddled her happily.

"It does." She agrees, cuddling close. "What about one here?" She asks curiously after a moment or two, one hand coming up to tap her own lips once before that hand lowered and went back to being used for hugging.

Ivan blinked. "Why?"

"Why not?"

"True... Guess I could try." He leaned in but only got to where their noses touched before he jolted back. "I can't!" His heart was hammering away too suddenly and he had flushed cheeks.

"It's all right if you can't." She says softly, giving a nod of understanding and a gentle smile.

"But—"

"You don't have to if you're scared Ivan." She spoke in a soothing tone. "I was only asking."

"But..." He mumbled and looked away. "I want to try it. I've seen others do it before, but only when it's a man and a woman. I've never had any friends to begin with, but I don't think this is something that two men do."

"I'm not a man though, I'm a woman." She reminds him gently.

"I know that!" He pouted.

"Then there shouldn't be a problem with it, right?" She smiled softly and nuzzled him for comfort. "If you can't, then may I?"

Ivan shook his head. "It's no problem, you may try." He gave her a nervous glance.

"Okay." She nuzzled him again before pulling back just a little to give him a soft peck on the lips. Ivan's heart skipped a beat from the peck, his face becoming redder than before. He stared at her for a few seconds that felt like minutes to him before kissing her again; this time longer, and more than just a small peck.

After the second kiss, she pulled back enough to nuzzle their noses together. "That felt very nice." She murmurs softly.

"Mm, more." Ivan agreed just as soft and continued to place more kisses upon her lips. Some were longer, some were deeper, and some were just sweet and quick. His chest hurt but it felt so good; like all his tension that had built up was being washed away. And Mattie kissed him back, following his lead. Her heart was pounding just as much as Ivan's and the lighter portion of her underbelly on her tail was flushed a light pink.

He stopped after a long while, he hadn't wanted to but he wanted to ask her something. He was breathing a little hard from the thrill of something so wonderful and new. Ivan had to pause before speaking. "Will this end tonight? I don't want to, but I'm sleepy. I'm afraid this is a dream."

"We can do that more tomorrow if you'd like." She says with a smile. "If you're sleepy then we should get out and go to bed."

"But what if 's all a dream. None of this happened?" He was deeply hurt by the idea and hugged Mattie close.

"It's not a dream." She soothes, hugging him back and nuzzling him gently. "Would you like one of those tomorrow morning so you know it's not a dream?" Ivan nodded.

"... Things changed didn't it?"

"I think so." She says with a little nod.

"Is that bad?"

She was quiet for a moment in thought before shaking her head a little. "No, I don't think so."

"You sure? If it's bad, I'll stop."

"I'm sure." She says with a soft smile. "I think it's actually good."

"Me too, but I feel worried for some reason." He lets her go to rub his eyes and mumbled. "... Falling asleep."

"Let's get out of the tub now." She says gently, ushering him to stand up. "You need to help me out so don't fall asleep yet."

Ivan laughed and staggered out of the tub, trying to drain some of the water out of his clothes. "Feels weird..."

He then moved to pick Mattie out of the tub but didn't set her down. Instead he carried her straight to her room. She giggled softly. "Ivan, I need to dry off and my clothes are in the bathing room."

"Oh, I'll get them. Want me to carry you back or put you in bed?"

"Carry me back." She giggles. "I'll get the bed all wet like this."

He shrugged, but carried her back to the bathing room. She asked him to set her down and hand her a towel and then she dried herself off.

"I should as well." Ivan then left for his own room to dry off and change.

She nodded and got dried off and changed, coming out of the bathroom when she was done. Mattie found that Ivan was already waiting in her room, nodding off from how tired he was. She blinked in surprise before smiling a bit and getting in bed with him. He was smiling when she touched him and was happy to crawl in next to her. Ivan wrapped his arms around her and both snuggled in close with a happy sigh as they fell asleep.

We both apologize for the wait! The update for Through the Moon will be posted tomorrow. Sorry for the delay!

-GQ