It's Stephenie's sandbox I just like building castles in it.

A very special thank you to everyone who has offered words of encouragement, prayers, and heartfelt wishes. They have been a huge blessing in my life.

As always thanks for this go to Emerald_Rosalie and Lion_In_The_Land. They are my rocks.

Chapter Fourteen: Abandonment

Song: Abandonment by Bif Naked

I parked the truck a few houses down from Bella's and got out just as the moon was rising in the sky. Stealthily I flew in the shadows and up the tree in front of Bella's window. It was open. She was waiting for my ass of a brother and was in for a long wait.

Hearing the phone ring in Charlie's room and his sure footsteps, I listened. It was eavesdropping, which was Edward's act, not mine. For the moment that call would give me more information on how Bella was doing than me watching her from the window.

"She's doing okay for the moment Renee. I got her to take the pill the doctor told me to so she's knocked out for the night. He said I'd probably have to slip them to her every night." There was a pause. Bella's mom was saying something that garbled in tears and anger. "Hell, no! I don't like forcing pills on her. I love her too, damn it. You weren't here last night when she was screaming her head off for him, let alone when she cried so hard she threw up. No! You're not coming up here. Bella and I will get through this together. I'll call you if I need to, just stay in Jacksonville for now."

Charlie was getting angry and I could feel his emotions messing with my own. Years ago I would not have had the control to force away the emotions that didn't belong to me. Forcing Charlie's feelings away I tuned back into the one-sided conversation.

"If I thought he was going to just walk away and leave her like this of course I would have stopped it, or tried too anyway. You know how stubborn she is. Believe me, if I ever get my hands on that little asshole I'll be the one behind bars. He just left her out there in the damn woods Renee. After last year and the animal attacks I would have thought anyone would have better sense. Don't give me that crap. Just because I have a bullet with his name on it doesn't mean I'll use it. As far as I'm concerned the whole family can rot in hell. Did you know that not one of them bothered saying good-bye to her? They just up and left? They played with her and broke her like some fucking toy, then just left her behind for someone else to clean up their mess."

I wanted to tell Charlie that he wouldn't have to hurt Edward and the rest of the family for hurting Bella. Every part of me was more than willing to tear my brother apart for the damage he'd done. Too bad Charlie didn't know that my family was hurting for Bella just as much as he was. Somehow I had to make all of this all right. Too bad that time was running against me.

Even now as a gentle breeze blew through Bella's window I could smell her blood and it called to me. I tried to close off all of my senses, but it was too late. Every taste bud on my tongue could taste the flavor or her and my mouth pooled at the memory of its sweetness. The steady beat of her heat pumped what I craved most through a girl whose very essence I forced myself to deny. When the venom in my mouth, pouring down my scorching throat became too much to bear, I left. Running for the truck I noticed my hands were shaking.

Once inside I gunned the engine and headed for my home and the wilderness where I could sate my thirst. How I was going to build up a tolerance for Bella's blood I had not one clue. So far I had been able to stand her smell for a grand total of ten minutes before the thirst became too much for me to ignore.

Every night I would try again and I would keep trying until the smell and taste of Bella's blood didn't burn my insides like an unquenchable fire. It was the least I could do for her until we were both ready. It would take patience and time but I wasn't going anywhere any time soon. I owed it to Bella to be ready when she was. Together we could start life anew.

Racing back to the house I was glad for the safe haven of my own home. It would take a miracle but with any luck the house and I would be ready at the same time. All the patience and time in the world were mine for the taking.

Finding an old sledgehammer in the garage, I got to work that night on the house. By dawn every inner wall was gone and lay outside in a mountain of debris. In one night I did the work of an entire crew. It was a great release to the inner tension and afterward as I looked around at the chaos I had created I felt accomplished and alive.

After feeding my fill I was ready to tackle my next task for the day. More and more, I was glad I bought the truck. Hauling my possessions from the Cullen house would take one move. There was much work to do before I could fully unpack but at least it was one task down. The fewer objects of my life surrounding the Cullens the better. They would always be my family but it would work better if we didn't live together.

I made short work of the haul. After I filled the truck, I made one final sweep of the house. Anything that Alice and I had bought together I left. Right now I didn't want a reminder of my life with her. Stopping just outside Edward's room it was hard for me not to enter and destroy everything inside. On his desk in a silver frame sat a picture of Bella I had never seen. Walking the few steps I snatched the sterling frame. Carefully I took out the photo before I threw the frame across the room. The glass shattered against the wall leaving shards to fly throughout the area. This was a significant reminder, telling Edward that he had shattered Bella just as easy.

Leaving this house for the last time, I felt like a free man. A weight began to lift off my shoulders and chest. It left me feeling lighter than I ever had in existence. Gunning the truck's engine, I pulled away from the house that had once felt like home but never would again. Not once did I turn around or look in the mirror. I was an eagle feeling the wind for the first time and I flew.

Back at the house I unloaded. Everything went downstairs. Down there overnight I had knocked through every wall. Where once had been darkness morning light was shining through. Never again would Janine be afraid of the dark depths. My plans for this level included three suites, one on either side and one in the rear of the house. The rest would be an opening entertainment room. A remote switch upstairs would control heavy shades to block the sun during the day and the massive glass panes during storms. The same remote would also control the rest of the lighting and with a button the lights could set to any level from candlelight to daylight. I wanted Janine and Bella when the time came to be as comfortable here as they were in their own homes.

One of the suites would become my own and the others for the girls. My thoughts raced as I stacked the load of boxes and luggage. It was hard to control my excitement at the thought of having a family of my own in some fashion.

Last night after watching Bella and Charlie I knew without a doubt I wanted them to trust me. I had to prove to them that I was nothing like Edward and that even if the going got tough I was sticking around. For such a short time the whole Cullen family had considered Bella family and that included me. Someday with hope Bella and I could get back the familiarity that we once had.

While carrying out a small mountain of debris, I heard the rumbling of a huge truck. Tensing I heard the crunch of the drive gravel. Tossing the trash on the huge pile I watched as the diesel machine pulled up alongside me. On the back was a massive dump container.

"We got a call to deliver a container. A Janine Simmons said that you'd sign for it." A burly man in a plaid flannel shirt and filthy jeans huffed his way out of the truck and over to me with a disgustingly dirty clipboard in his hand. His feelings of lust when he mentioned Janine's name made me swallow massive amounts of venom. Looking around he seemed disappointed there was no woman with a sexy voice in sight. The smell of diesel and garbage was so strong that my cast iron stomach rolled.

Taking the grimy, greasy pen I scrawled my name and stepped away. The man was impatient to get his job over with. "Call us when you need it picked up, or if you need another one." The business card that I took with revulsion peeled from the guys fingers with a sticky sound. I had seen an army's share of blood and gore, but nothing disgusted me as much as this human. Turning I made for the house and away from the stench. Even if I had been in animalistic hunger there was no way in hell that I would have fed from the man who was now climbing back into the obtrusive machine.

Knowing that I hadn't grabbed the man and snapped his neck just to rid him from society was refreshing. It was definite that I would be keeping an eye on him. There was no doubt in my mind the man was not above roughing a woman up to get what he wanted.

The heavy truck left in a belch of acrid black smoke. I glanced at the mess around me and started the clean up. When that job finished, I was again a mess and with no design of going back to the Cullens I chose the only other alternative.

Even though it was late summer, the river held just a hint of cool. It had been a long time since I had done anything such as a jump naked off a dock, the last time had been many years ago on a short vacation in the mountains with Alice. Pain seared my chest at the thought of my runaway wife. We were to have been forever like Carlisle and Esme, like Rosalie and Emmett.

As I swam the width of the river, back and forth between the banks I replayed the last few days in my head. The old fashioned gentleman in me shamed at the fact I had jumped into bed with Janine so readily. I knew now that in some small way I wanted to punish Alice for leaving me and her visioning Janine and I would do that. I had used Janine. The shocking events of the robbery fueled with her loneliness and lust had been an easy escape, one I didn't plan making again soon. This newfound friendship with Janine was something that I did not want to lose no matter how quickly it had come. I refused to look at it in any other way but a blessing.

My head told me that Alice would by now be scouting for the mate in her vision. What was there to stop me? I could do the same? That answer was simple. Bella. I had a debt to pay there, not only for me, but for my dickhead of a brother. If someone had done to Janine, the way Edward had done with Bella I would have ripped them to shreds. Taking care of Bella was the least I could do.

Darkness was beginning to fall as I climbed from the riverbank and up to the house. Some of the Elk scattered as I walked through the meadow and some paid me no heed. Their nonchalance with me was heartening and I found myself growing even fonder of the huge beasts. They were in no way pets, but it was good to know that my presence was not taxing on them.

Inside I grabbed a bag of clean clothes. Falling on the floor at my feet was the crumpled letter from Alice. After my swim I was in a better frame of mind to now read whatever words she had chosen to say. A small voice in back of my head still wanted to twist her lovely neck off her shoulders.

I laid the letter aside and quickly dressed. Picking the envelope up I smoothed wrinkles out of the paper. For the first time I noticed that my hands were shaking. It was odd how the feelings of trepidation coming from one piece of paper could begin to build panic inside my heart. There was more to this letter than just the words written inside.

It wasn't often that my gift grabbed latent feelings from objects and in my hurry for the date earlier and my anger at Alice had overpowered the feelings from the letter.

Concentrating I could sense panic and fear. Tearing open the envelope, I became awash with feelings of love. The feelings were so pure that my eyes would have shed tears if they could have. Why was this happening now? Why was Alice sending me love now after leaving me behind for someone else? It didn't make any sense. I know I had not read her wrong in Carlisle's study. Everything about her had told me she wanted to be as far away from me as possible. There had been no love from her other than affection. Why this? Why now? Slowly opening the folded paper, I began to read Alice's hurried scrawl.

Jasper,

I am so sorry for everything. Believe me when I say the outcome will be worth it. It was so wrong of me to deceive you these many years. I do love your Jasper. So many times I prayed for my visions to be wrong, especially when they were about us and you.

I don't know where my visions are taking me, but I hope to see you again someday. If for some reason I don't, I leave you with the last visions I had for you. I know that you are staying behind and I am glad. Bella needs you, Jasper. She needs your strength, kindness, and patience. You need her as well. Bella is going to bring about great change for our family. I have always seen that. Edward was a shit for doing this to her. I do have faith in you, Jasper. You and Bella will put us all to shame when the time is right.

Take your new friend, who I like by the way, to see Charlie. There is a connection there. That's all I know. I see the two of them together in the past and the future but I don't know why. Remember this though my darling, but she is not the one for you. No matter how easy it would be for you to fall in love with her, she is not your true mate.

Your mate is there, you just have to give her time, she's been through a lot. When the time is right, you will know.

Love,

Alice

P.S. Sometimes treaties are made to be broken. My words were lies, Jasper. I do have faith and belief in you. You will be able to find the balance between the man you will become and the warrior you have always been.

Alice's words hit me like a barreling freight train and I slid to the floor holding the letter in my hand. My emotions warred together in apocalyptic battle. I felt like holding my head and screaming at the world to stop.

It was some time before I was able to regain control of my own feelings. At least there was someone out there who thought I was doing the right thing, even if it was the woman who had sworn to love me forever then abandoned me.

*****

Song: Uninvited: Alanis Morissete

Night had fallen outside, dark and deep. It was a rare, clear northern Washington night. A full moon hung overhead as I got into the truck. The drive to Bella's took no time.

The room was dark but I could make out Bella's form with no trouble. She sat in an old rocking chair. Back and forth on the floor it went keeping time with every shaking breath of the girl sitting in it.

Through the open window I could smell the salt of her tears and I closed myself to her pain before it could plunge into my heart. She had showered recently and the smell of her strawberry shampoo wafted around the room.

The smell of Bella's newly washed skin threatened to knock me out of the tree. Venom pooled in my mouth and for a second I envisioned my mouth on her neck and drinking deep the taste I could not fully rid my mouth of. Mentally I shook myself as my beast warred with its human counterpart. My hands clawed into the wood of the tree and I fought for every scrap of control. A disturbance in the room other than the sound of the chair alerted me.

A slight knock on the door followed with Charlie nudging it open with his foot. In his arms he carried a tray of food. With a shoulder he flicked on the bedroom light. The fare was simple. A glass of milk, a peanut butter sandwich and an apple. In the milk I could smell the faint bitter trace of whatever medication Charlie was giving to Bella.

"You've got to eat Bells." Sitting the tray on the desk Charlie picked up the apple and handed it to her.

The sight of the apple brought about a fresh wave of tears and sobs. Picking the apple out of her father's hand I watched as Bella hurled it out the window and into the night. It hit me square in the chest where it exploded with a resounding pop before falling to the soft ground below.

Inside the room Charlie sighed in frustration and retrieved a blanket from the foot of the bed. Gently he wrapped it around his daughter's shoulders. Taking the milk off the tray, he handed it to Bella. "At least drink the milk. You don't want to get sick." Charlie's tone pleaded with his daughter as he pressed the glass into her hands.

I knew without a doubt the only time he got any sleep was with Bella medicated and out for the night. Bella drank the glass straight down and handed it back to her father without a word. Immediately she went back to rocking while Charlie took away the uneaten sandwich, turned off the light and closed the door.

Her pain was eating her alive. Until I could look at her without seeing my teeth plunging into her soft jugular, I was no good to her. The more I watched the more her sorrow eased through the cracks in the walls I tried to build around me. Every part of me wanted to use my powers to their full ability, to mask her pain, not for my own sake but for hers. Bella did not deserve this agony and I found myself yet again cursing the day Edward came into existence.

Patiently I waited figuring at some point the medicinal properties of the medicine would have Bella climbing into bed. That time never came. Slowly the chair stopped rocking and little by little Bella slumped to the side asleep.

As much as I knew I should not, I could not let her sleep like that for the night. Against all better judgment I found myself slowly climbing through the window and silently to her side. Closing off the smell to my nose was the only way I was able to get close to her. The sound of her heartbeat was a staccato that I would never forget, as was the warmth of her body. Gently I lifted her into my arms and turning made the few slight steps to her bed.

Warmth from her breath against my neck made me falter and I almost dropped her. The jeans and T-shirt I had thrown on in haste were no-match to the warmth of her skin against mine and a part of me longed to feel that all night long. Closing my mind from any other thought, I carefully placed Bella in the bed and covered her. Charlie would think she had crawled in on her own. Bella would believe that Charlie had put her to bed. Neither would guess let alone think of me.

Light from the moon beamed into the room and on her sleep filled face. I could not help my actions even if they damned me even further than I already was. Brushing back a stray lock of dark hair from her head I noticed the lines on her face. In the span of days she had aged faster the human eye could have seen. Gone was the freshness of youth. Faint lines showed fatigued and a stress that should have taken years to form. There was a beauty to her that I had never seen before.

Moonlight glowed against her pale skin caressing it with a lover's hand. Dark strands of hair took on an otherworldly gleam and I found myself unable to stop my actions. With gentleness I didn't even know I possessed, I slid one cold finger down her face from the temple to chin. She shivered at the touch and I found my body tingling with pleasure. I followed the path of her neck stopping at her pulse point and reveling in the strong steady beat thrumming its tattoo against my finger.

Bending I placed my cold lips to her warm lips and damned myself to a permanent place in hell. Breath hitched in her throat and one word of nonsense moaned past her lips.

The smell of her assailed me, My hands itched to touch her further, to erase the memories of my brother from her body and her mind. Right now it was not her blood my body was aching for. I wanted to taste further her sweet lips. My skin craved the feel of her hot flesh while my mouth urged to drink in the nectar of her that rushed to places other than veins.

"I love you." The words were barely utter from her lips and the blow of them on me was staggering. Stepping forward I went to pull her in my arms and damn all the consequences. Her movement stilled me and I pulled my hand back and turned away. Her love was not for me and for reason I didn't know, it bothered me.

The sight of her rolling over away from me, reaching out for someone who was not there, someone who was not coming back, brought everything into crystal clear reality. I was a million times a fool. Stopping myself from doing any more damage to both Bella and my psyche, I turned and dove through the window and back out into the trees.

It was going to be another long night of demolition and swims in the river.

Bella POV

I knew I was dreaming but I could feel Edward. His cold finger slid down my cheek, and the kiss of his cold lips on mine was too real. He hadn't left me. Edward had come back. Turning on my side, I reached out for him. There was no one there.

Pain clutched at my chest and my stomach rolled. Running I flung my bedroom door open and made it to the bathroom just in time. Over and over I vomited until I was weak and slid to the cool floor.

It was like his skin on mine. There was nothing I could do to stop the pain and it crashed into me, wave after wave of agony. Death itself could not be so cruel.

Why? Why? Why? He left me. I was not good enough for him, not good enough for them. God, it hurt so much. Please, anyone, someone make it stop. Make the pain go away and bring him back to me.

The door opened and in the arch my father stood. Charlie picked me up and carried me to my bed as I sobbed into his shoulder. He laid me gently on the bed and covered me.

"Wanna talk about it?" He bent on his haunches and my dark brown eyes stared back at me.

I shook my head "No." I closed my eyes and tried to form a blank of all thoughts and feelings. What would I give for Jasper's calming energy? I never got to tell him that I was sorry that I understood what he had done. I forgave him. Now I would never get to. Edward had taken them all away from me. The thought of them all made my breath catch and I forced myself to breathe in and out. I concentrated on my breathing until I felt exhaustion take a hold and I slept.

Darkness overtook me in my dreams as I stood on a precipice. A roaring of waves and wind threatened to blow me over into the abyss below. Behind me were angry, hungry growls. I tasted and felt fear on my tongue. A howl behind me said the creatures were coming closer. I spared a glance and could see nothing in the darkness but massive black moving shapes with glowing eyes and the occasional gleam of razor sharp fangs. Closer and closer they came and when I should have run, fear rooted me to the spot. The wind had picked up howling along tuned with the beasts at my heels.

A figure in the dark beckoned me forward with a ghostly hand. "Come, Bella. I'm here. Everything will be all right." I could see the black inky waves below me and was not afraid. Taking one last glance over my shoulder the wolves were so close I could almost smell their fetid breath.

"Come to me, Bella. I'm not going anywhere." Edward's voice rang again in my ears and I took a step forward again and again. The closer I got to the edge the more insistent Edward's voice became in my head. "I'm right here, Bella. I'm not leaving you. I'll protect you."

The wolves were closer now with their gleaming teeth. I could now see dark red blood dripping from those fangs and I turned away. My heart beat so hard I thought it would thrust from my chest. Taking one last step, I was falling into the abyss.

"You honestly believed me. Sorry Bella, you're not worth saving." Edward's musical laughter rang throughout the night mingling with the howls of wolves and my own screams as I fell deeper in the black nothing.

Author's Note:

I am trying very hard to keep the chapters longer since there is often a gap between updates. I do want to stress to everyone that I have not, nor will not give up this story. So please be rest assured in between the updates. I understand that for many the delay in updates is very frustrating and you have my sincerest apologies. Many thanks to all for the continued support.

Aerialla