Brave girl in a pink skirt
with her steady hands.
Brave girl in the elevator.
Brave girl with dimples.
Brave girl who loves the boy,
who loves
the boy so much
Brave girl with an arrow,
in her car behind a bus,
in the forest, in her bedroom.
Brave girl with her love so big
it looks like her shadow.
Brave girl with the dog in her
arms outside of the hospital,
with the eyelash on her cheek
Caitlyn Siehl , Brave Girl
After her scan and bloodwork and about five other different kinds of prodding, Caitlin walks into her room with a thick folder in her hand.
"So far everything looks fantastic." she says as she steps closer to Felicity's side. Felicity doesn't pretend to understand all that the charts say, so she doesn't bother with them and chooses instead to listen to Caitlin attentively.
"Your bodies functions and internal organs are perfectly healthy. No damage from the… the organ failure that led you into a coma. It's like your body healed itself." Caitlin says, but the high note of cheerfulness in her voice strikes Felicity as decidedly fake and only there for her benefit. Caitlin isn't the least bit as relaxed about that as she's trying to look.
"We'll know more specifics once doctor Wells is finished with the genetic exam, but for now, you're good. Your metabolism is running a bit faster than usual, but that's to be expected since you're recovering."
Felicity nods. She is waiting for the actual bad news, so all this, while relieving, is not what she wanted to know.
She wants to know what is wrong.
Her set face as she stares at Caitlin unblinkingly might have told the doc that.
"Your sertonin levels are a bit low right now. Serotonin acts as an inhibitor against impulsive behavior, but it generally tends to fluctuate after a shock to the organism so I'm not very worried. And your amygladea is about twice the size of a normal - which isn't bad , per se. It's quite like barry actually, so don't be freaked out." Caitlin hurries to add.
"That doesn't mean it's not weird." Felicity says softly.
Caitlin's eyes are wide and honest. "No it is. It is a bit out of the ordinary, yes. But i think we both know that doesn't mean it'll be a bad thing, necessarily."
Felicity felt her lips curve up slightly.
"What does it mean though?" Digg asks, from where he's sitting in his chair, arms crossed over his chest and listening with a frown on his face. Felicity thinks he's taking all this way better than she is. She hasn't quite managed to move past the comprehension stage just yet. Everything Caitlin is saying seems to either fly over her head or straight through her chest.
"The amygladea are pair of almond-shaped nuclei located deep within the brain." Caitlin explains and she turns around, shows them the back of her her and touches a point about two inches above her neck. "They're about here, and in the middle of your head, and through them the brain processes and memorizes emotional reactions and identifies danger."
Felicity frowned, and Caitlin gulped.
"It could be nothing. But theoretically speaking… it could also mean that you'd be able to anticipate danger a lot faster than normal people, and it would result in faster reflexes. Have you been feeling any of that?"
Felicity doesn't know how to answer that. She doesn't really feel like she has faster reflexes. She feels exhausted. Though not as bad as when she woke up, her every movement tires her out still and though she is starving, they won't let her eat anything until her exams are complete. Her throat hurts and everything is either too loud or too bright. Her brain is working even more furiously than usual and she keeps noticing weird stuff like Caitlin's flushing skin when she's put on the spot, everyone's fluctuating tone of voice and eye movement, but it doesn't really mean anything to her. Her mind has always focused on the abnormal and worked tangentially.
"I'm not really sure," Felicity says finally.
Caitlin's expression shifts to understanding.
"That's okay, you don't have to figure it out right now. You're also highly photosensitive… all your senses seem to more easily stimulated, actually." Caitlin's frown is almost imperceptible, but Felicity catches it. She can tell just by the way her friend's voice gets a bit lower that she's worried.
"Yeah that was… weird." Felicity says, as she thinks about the way she can still hear everyone's heartbeat if she concentrates enough, and how she's heard Caitlin's heels walking down the hall for a full five minutes before she appeared on her door.
Felicity bites her lip and tries to put the full measure of her concentration on where she is now, what she feels and hears now, so that she doesn't get even more freaked out.
"Is it affecting your concentration? Do you feel dizzy? Nauseous?"
Felicity shakes her head.
"No." And she huffs a laugh, but it's so devoid of hilarity that it sounds bitter even to her own ears. "My head is always kind of a mess and loud, so it's not really bothering me. I'm still hungry though."
And she gives Caitlin a hopeful look. The doc smiles.
"That's' good. That's a good sign. The moment doctor Wells tells me we're done with the initial tests, I'll bring you something delicious myself." she says, nodding. "In the meantime, your sensory reactions are much higher than usual but also lower now than it was when you woke up, and keeps lowering, so you should be heading towards stabilisation."
By the time the plane touches down, Oliver is almost ready to jump out of his own skin.
He talks to nobody the whole way, locking his muscles in place so that he wouldn't jump every time someone brushed by him in the airport. He fucking hates crowds and right now he's not even close to being in the vicinity of the state of mind it takes to deal with them.
He feels more focused now that he has a purpose, that he's moving and his body is actually doing something with the energy corroding his bones, but he also feels like he's moving in slow motion. Nothing is happening fast enough: the plane, the chest at the border, the car.
He is restless and growing even more anxious, his thoughts scattering in a hundred different directions. Felicity, John, Sara, Merlyn wherever the fuck he is, Thea, Merlyn… Felicity!
He can't even think about her, about what he just left behind, without flinching so he avoids the thought of her completely. He has to, in order to be able to do this.
Everything has it's own space in his head, so he puts Felicity gently in one of those rooms and closes the door softly behind him. It had to stay there for now.
Why did Thea lie? Why didn't she call him back, why didn't she contact him.
There could be so many reasons for it.
Their mother died six months ago, right in front of them both. He touches on the thought with the clinical detachment that would allow him to keep breathing through it. He missed the funeral. He let his sister go when she wanted to get away from him and the poisonous fumes that surrounded him.
Oliver wouldn't blame her, if Thea held him as much responsible for what happened that night in the woods as she held Slade.
He'd be right there on the same page with her, in fact.
But his sister… she had reached her breaking point six months ago. And she had made the choice that best suited her own needs.
Oliver admired her for it. He always had admired Thea's strength. Her single mindedness. Even when it made her annoying. Even when she was clawing at him to just be there for her, when he first got back. Her insidious and relentless insistence that he be a brother had reminded him of what it felt to be one.
So what right did he have really, to ask her to come back to her nightmares? How would he ever find a way to do this, if he wasn't even sure he should?
Oliver doesn't know who the man giving him directions to the café where Thea works in is, but he reads the stranger's body language like it's screaming at him. Whoever he is, he's afraid.
He visibly grimaces at his sister's fake name.
What are you doing Thea?
Though, if Oliver were being honest with himself, he could come up with a hundred and one reasons why she'd lie about that.
When he sees the back of her head for the first time in six months, he almost doesn't recognize her. But then she turns, and it's her face beneath the sharp, angular cut of her short hair, and though she looks different, she's still his sister and Oliver realizes he didn't fully understand how much he'd missed her until that moment.
"Thea."
The familiar voice startles her, but when she turns and sees her brother standing there, looking out of place in the bright sun and utterly uncomfortable, but happy to see her, Thea can't help but smile.
She doesn't really think about it and walks straight into his arms.
"Good to see you." he says, arms holding her tight enough to let her know that he'd missed her.
Thea takes a deep breath.
"You, too." She leans back to look at him. "How did you…"
His shrug may be noncommittal but his eyes are too sharp to shell it.
"Well, it's not exactly the Amalfi coast."
He says it offhandedly, but her face falls immediately. She doesn't like lying to him, no matter what Ollie's own policies are on that front. She doesn't like lying, period - but Malcolm made it very clear that nobody was supposed to know about them. About him .
Ollie seems to sense her reaction, so he derails the conversation.
"Can we talk?"
Thea takes a breath, nods.
"Let me talk to Ernesto first," she says as she points him to a table.
Oliver sits down and watches his sister have a fast-paced conversation in fluent spanish with the owner of the café, who shakes his head and shoos her away with a good-natured smile.
"Didn't you flunk Spanish?" Oliver asks, genuinely intrigued, as his sister sits down next to him.
Thea tilts her head at him, familiar impish smile on her face, even though now it looks more like an expression than a true emotion shining through.
It's more deliberate.
"More like skipped it altogether." Thea tells him offhandedly. It earns her a half-hearted smile.
It's so good to see her again.
"Well, you look good." and this time Oliver's smile is real "I like your hair cut."
The harsh angular cut makes her look older, but it seems to suits the newfound sternness in her eyes.
Guilt twinges somewhere beneath his left rib.
"Thank you. Yeah, wanted it short, you know." She shrugs. "It gets hot down here."
They both fall silent after that and Thea feels like rolling her eyes because, of course this conversation got off to such a stilted start. They're tiptoeing around each other while knowing that neither she nor her brother were ever the kind of people to fall comfortably into small talk; especially not when there's a whole herd of elephants between them.
His honest-eyed lies.
The half-truths she sold him, without a single ounce of regret.
Thea thinks back to Malcolm's hasty departure and wonders whether or not he knew that her brother was about to visit, and if that knowledge affected his decision to leave. He didn't tell her though…
Maybe he didn't know. Maybe he chose not to tell even if he did.
Either way, Thea finds herself not caring.
She waits another beat and it becomes obvious that Oliver is not going to push her for an explanation. It's almost as if he's waiting for one and for a dark moment, anger in her growls and she really considers snapping at him. Asking him if he really thinks he deserves one, with all the lies he's told her.
That moment passes quickly though. She decided a while ago that she wouldn't hold on to past hurts anymore.
"I'm sorry I lied to you about this, Ollie." She finally admits, having had enough with the tension. "I just needed some space."
"I understand that." he says, talking to his hands instead of her. But then he looks up. "Are six months of it enough?"
Her eyes narrow. She leans back on her chair. "This isn't just a visit."
It's not a question. But nobody could ever take if for compliance either. Oliver pulls out his ticket home.
"Got one for you, too."
Her face falls and Oliver takes a deep breath, preparing himself.
"After mom, I understood why you left Starling. Honestly, I would understand even now if you told me you never want to come back, but…"
"Oh, you would?" Thea interrupts, incredulity sharp in her tone, in her eyes.
Oliver feels sadness bloom in his breast like a wound. He gulps it down.
"Yes. Yeah, I would. I'm not here because it don't respect your choices, i promise. I'm here because…" he takes a deep breath and lets it out with deliberate carefulness. "I learned something in the past few days that… that might be difficult for you to hear, but that you should know, because it's going to put the both of us in danger if you don't."
The more he talks, the deeper Thea's frown gets but Oliver decided even before he really left Central City that he would tell her as much of the truth as possible without risking losing her forever.
And telling her Malcolm Merlyn was alive is important, not just for the sake of honesty, but for her safety too.
"I think that it's what mom was trying to tell us the night she died, right before the…" His words trail off and Thea looks down, away from the fresh pain in his eyes and to hide her own too.
Neither has gotten close to being done with what happened that night. Neither has even scratched the surface of that hurt, or talked about it. To anyone. And talking to each other seems impossible since they can't seem to even look the other in the face when their mother is mentioned.
Oliver recovers first.
"The night of the siege, you were at the train station," he starts. It's not a questions, but Thea offers up information anyway.
"Yeah. I… It wasn't fun." It had been terrifying and she thought she was going to die, but she holds that back. "I got attacked by one of those crazy masked things and he tried to strangle me. But he got shot by a cop, I think."
Oliver's eyes lose that gentleness the moment he focuses the entire measure of his concentration on her. It makes Thea uncomfortable.
"Did you see him?" His eyes have the kind of intensity that makes her want to flinch, but under this kind of pressure, her training takes over almost seamlessly.
She doesn't move a single eyelash.
"No. Why are you asking?"
Her ' no ' is smooth, perfect. And it's a lie. A practiced one.
Oliver can't tell the difference. And if in the back of his head, his senses prick a little in awareness, he ignores it. This is Thea.
He sighs, shoulders slumping. "It wasn't a cop, Thea. It was Malcolm Merlyn."
She looks back at him with wide, startled eyes.
"He's dead," Thea states, repeating it as if it was something beyond obvious. But Oliver's face doesn't shift a millimeter. "How would you even know if he wasn't?"
"One of Sara's friends saw him."
"But…"
"I know that it sounds impossible, but believe me, it's true."
Thea looks away to her tightly clenched hands.
Oliver mistakes her sudden anxiety for fear and takes both her hands in his.
"It's ok. I was afraid he'd try to contact you too, but if he hasn't done it by now, then he probably won't. I'm just… I'm glad you're ok."
She looks up and stares at him for a long moment, almost blankly. Then she blinks, and she's there again.
"Thank you. For telling me that," Thea says, trying to make her speech little less halted. "But I really don't see how I'd be any safer in Starling. It's like you said; if he was going to contact me, he probably would have done it by now."
Oliver leans forward immediately, eyes alert and flirting on the edge of wild. It's a look that worries her, because he is clearly very worried. ( at the back of her head, Thea starts to wonder, again, about the wisdom of her decisions, if this was how Oliver reacted to Malcolm so much as breathing in the same world as her )
"We can't know that. And there are people after him, that…"
Thea feels her shoulders tense. "What? What people?"
"People who wouldn't really mind using you to get to him."
Thea's voice lowers to a whisper. "Nobody knows…"
"If I found out, so could they."
She shakes her head, stubborn frown on her face. "What is 'they'?"
Oliver signs. "He tries to level a whole part of the city, Thea. More than three hundred people died. He's not really lacking enemies."
She wants to tell him that whoever these people are, they'll never catch Malcolm. He's too good to get caught by just people. But she can't say that. She's not supposed to know that.
"And I'm really not comfortable with leaving you alone here until he's dealt with." Oliver continues.
Thea feels her breath leave her lungs. Malcolm is not exactly the best person she's ever hung out with, nor the best father figure, but… he's still… he…
"Dealt with?"
"Apprehended," Oliver corrects immediately, his eyelashes fluttering.
"How would I be any safer in Starling?"
He fumbles for a minute. "I'll hire security. Keep you safe."
The mere idea irritates her beyond belief. It's not about keeping her safe, she thinks angrily. It's about keeping things under control, as usual.
Still, he's given her an opportunity too perfect for her not to take advantage.
Even at her most honest, Thea doesn't really know if she means what she's about to say, or if it's just a test.
Maybe it's both.
"I could do that even staying here. And you could stay here with me," Thea says, leaning forward and taking his hand before the stunned surprise in his voice turns to objection. "I know we had a rough time before, but I missed you, Ollie. Stay here with me. We can try to be people again, without everything bad that happened around us haunting us every step of the way."
Thea tries hard to keep the bitterness out of her voice but she doesn't succeed completely. She knows though, from the look on her brother's face that the answer to that will be no.
A splinter of resentment digs around in the wound at that.
Why won't he just leave that godforsaken city?
"I missed you too Thea." Oliver tells her, in that soft, careful tone he uses when he's making promises ( the kind of tone she dreads, because she knows now, promises are doors to disappointments ). "And I love you. So much. I would go with you to the ends of the earth… but I can't stay here with you."
And the fact that he seemed as pained by that as she feels, stops Thea from snapping at him too harshly.
"Why not? What have we got to go back to in Starling anyway? There is nothing there for us Ollie! Only death, and loss and people who hate us."
She loses fire as she speaks because Oliver nods along with her words and she just doesn't understand anything anymore. But she does know her brother, and however hard he is to read, she knows when he's hurting, because he just can't seem to hide it that well around her.
So, more softly this time, she asks him again. "What's wrong, Ollie? Really this time."
He looks up and it seems to her like he can't decide if he wants to play confused, or just tell her everything.
But there is so much grief there, naked in his eyes.
"What happened?" Thea scoots a little closer, lickes her lips to stave the nerves. She's forgotten completely that things are a half-standing ruin between them and that they haven't talked about anything real in months and that she shouldn't even want this or set herself up for disappointment like this.
She only knows that he's her brother and he's hurting.
Oliver gulps, tries to shake off the feeling enough to talk about it.
"A friend of mine… She got hurt a couple of days ago." He tells that to his fingers, restless on the table, not his sister. He can hardly bear to think about it even now. "What happened was my fault, and I can't… I can't just leave her alone in it now."
Thea feels her heart hurt for him. He seems to her so far away; looking about as lost as she used to feel.
"I'm sorry to hear that," she says gently after some moments of contemplation. "It's Felicity right? The blonde. I'm not confusing anything?"
Oliver blinks up at her, surprised that she added things up so quickly. "Yeah, it's her."
"Is she going to be ok?"
Oliver just shakes his head, a small, sad smile on his lips. "I don't know." he wipes a hand down his face. "I don't know yet."
Thea leans back with a long sigh, faces her own truths. She loves him and misses him and if there was any way to take pain from him she would, but if time has taught her anything is that she can't. She can't escape pain by wanting to change the people causing it. The only way to do that is to protect herself.
Which is why she has a very simple truth she needs to impress on her brother: She doesn't want to go back. Every corner of that city hid a nightmare and every shadow would just remind her of how weak she used to be. No, she doesn't want to revisit it again. Not ever. It would be like returning to the scene of the crime and Thea has worked too hard to overcome pain to just throw herself into that pit again.
"Ollie… I'm sorry about your friend. And I understand that you're worried about Malcolm. It's… it's freaky, for sure. But going back to Starling would just send me back exactly where I was last year, and I've been working so hard to let that go and try to be better."
Oliver opens his mouth but Thea interrupts him.
"No, listen. I'll compromise with you. Hire the best security you can, and I'll let them set up here. I won't be pissy about it, i promise. But i'm not going back to Starling." and her tone is so hard, it doesn't allow for discussion.
Not that that would stop him.
"Thea…"
"No. I want to be there for you, Ollie, I do. You're hurting and when you do it hurts me too, but Starling is the place where I lost everything and everyone, and the last time I was there I ended up feeling barely human. And I don't want to go back. If you cared about me at all you wouldn't even ask me."
Oliver looks at her like she just broke his heart and maybe she did.
The notion seems to stand far ahead of her, and she looks at it from a distance.
"You haven't lost me Thea."
"No?" She tries, she really does, to keep the tears away from her voice, but it's proving harder than she thought. When she practiced detachment and emotional control with malcolm, she didn't have her brother's face staring back at her with heartbreak written all over it so openly. She couldn't have prepared for what it would do to her.
But feelings don't really budge her decision though. O any of the truths she knows.
"Because it seems to me like we're better siblings for each other when we're apart."Thea adds, even as her voice shakes. "It's easier… to be your sister, to love you, when you're not lying to my face."
She says the words and feels their cruelty as they scorch their way across her brother's feelings. It's so strange how transparent he suddenly is, she practically sees it happen. But if this is the twist of the knife, then she's twisting it right beneath her own ribs too, because she can't say the words without tears falling.
Thea wipes them away angrily as she stands up.
"I have to go, my break is over."
She makes to leave, but her feet are stuck. She can't turn her back and leave her brother sitting there, still and speechless after she just made him bleed.
"Let's have dinner together. As a truce." she says as she turns back to him, giving him a pained smile that turns to a grimace when he looks up at her. "Just you, me and food. I know how to cook now."
Oliver nods slowly. "Okay."
His voice is thick with emotions, but that little acceptance is all she needs to finally feel released from him. She walks away so fast she almost runs at the back of the bar, and when she is in the small storage room, she can finally take a breath and let some more tears fall. She allows it. Counts to ten and lets herself absorb all this.
And then she lets it go.
When Felicity is sure that she can stand on her own feet for more than five minutes and that doing so won't sent the room spinning like a carousel, she asks Caitlin for new scrubs and to show her where the nearest shower is.
As it happens, it's pretty close. One door away from her room, actually.
Felicity walks slowly there, careful and every step deliberate. She's had a horrible stomach ache for the last hour and even though she had some soup, she's still hungry, but from the way her last meal is dancing around in her tummy, she doesn't think that would be a very good idea.
Her cursory glance along the simple mirror in the white-tiled bathroom stops her short. A soft plaintive groan makes it past her lips. She barely recognizes herself.
There's a sickly, grayish tint to her skin, her lips bloodless and cracked and the skin around her eyes irritated as if she got a load of pepper-spray on her face. Her hair dull and lifeless and by all accounts she's slept for days, if one could call come sleeping, but her eyes were sunken and busied with exhaustion that she feels all the way down to her bones.
Everything hurts, she feels like shit and she looks worse.
Outstanding.
She takes the shower sitting down on the tile, her legs crossed and trying to be done as soon as she can while getting as clean as she can. It's not that she can barely be there without her vision going a bit dark at the edges, but it's… it's so strange really. The noise of the water hitting the tiles is so loud ! It's like a small thunderstorm picking up. And that would be nothing in itself. What truly makes it uncomfortable is that she has to regulate the showerhead so that the spray of water is at its gentlest pressure, because she feels like her skin has been scraped raw all over. She almost scalded her hand when she tried the temperature.
Getting dressed in the fluffy pajamas that Caitlin got for her is… trickier.
She has to sit down on the covered toilet and catch her breath for about five minutes. And she doesnt dry off as well as she usually does. Just puts on the clothes, wraps her hair in a towel and gets out. Suddenly the bed sounds real inviting, even though she's been laying there all day.
Just as she gets out of the bathroom though the voices on the other side become much clearer. And much louder.
Roy raises his voice in the distance and Felicity winces. Roy quietens immediately, looking chastised the the mere glance Digg sends his way.
"Sorry."
"It's ok." Felicity dismisses as she gets into bed. "Nice pair of lungs you got there."
"Huh?"
"Never mind. What were you guys arguing about."
Digg gets up to his full height. "Wells has the results of the tests. He'd like to talk to you about it."
"Yeah sure."
"You should rest a bit first." Digg ventures. For once Felicity doesn't feel like disagreeing with him.
"What's Roy upset about?"
Digg sighs. "Roy doesn't like the doc."
That gets Felicity's attention. "Caitlin."
Roy shakes his head. "Wells. I just don't like the way he talks about you, Blondie. He went on and on about what happened to you for an hour and never even said your name once. He freaks me out."
Felicity contemplates that. More than freaked out, Roy looked angry and suspicious, but that was his natural response to any kind of vulnerability.
"I'm not the man's biggest fan either, and we should be careful around him, but he's the best chance we've got at figuring out what's up with Felicity, so we can't just pick up and leave, Roy."
Felicity signs. "We can keep watch over what he's doing though." She says around a yawn.
Both her teammates turn to look at her.
"I hacked STAR Labs computer system a while ago. I can access it remotely. Don't worry Roy. We've got this."
Roy dares a small smile. "Eyes in the back of your head huh."
Felicity sinks deeper into the pillow with a hum. "Oliver's paranoia is contagious."
Digg snorts. He comes closer and settles the blanket across her shoulders so that they're covered.
"Besides, I've got you guys watching out for me."
"Always. How's your stomach?"
Felicity pouts. "Still angry at me."
"Get some sleep. Maybe when you wake up we'll see what we can do about something you and your digestive system can agree on this time."
She hums, half gone to dreams already.
And if in her dazed state she turns her head to tollow Digg's hand and the inviting rush of life beneath his skin, well, she's too far gone to notice it.
When Oliver gets back to his hotel room, he feels exhausted, both physically and mentally.
He tries to pass the time in a hundred different things and all of them lead him back ot holding his phone and staring at Felicity's smiling face on the screen. Every time, he thinks better of it.
Every single time but once. And really, that's all it takes.
He presses the call button before he can think better of it. It rings three times before she picks it up.
"Oliver?" her voice is smoother than it was when he left, but right then it sounds thick with sleep. Oliver swallows hard and for a moment he feels completely at loss for words.
"I'm sorry i woke you." he says, closing his eyes. He feels so unnaturally stupid at the moment. If it had been anyone else he would have found an excuse and ended the call right there, but this is Felicity. She'd probably blast his phone to the moon if he did that, all the way from Central City.
She rustles a little, and oliver assumes she's sitting up.
"It's ok. I had to wake up anyway. I've been asleep forever."
"Feeling any better?"
"I think so." but it sounds almost like a question. Before he can ask anything else though, Felicity derails the conversation completely. "How is it going with Thea?"
His silence is more eloquent than anything he could have said. Oliver hears her sigh.
"Let me guess. The levels of suckage are exceeding expectations?"
He huffs a silent laugh, or what passes for a laugh this days. And then tells her the general gist of his conversation with his sister.
He doesn't really share the bits that are still wreaking havoc under his ribs though. Those… yeah those are his to keep.
Felicity is silent for long moments after.
"She does have a point, Oliver." Felicity sighs into his ear and he closes his eyes, leans his head back to the wall. "I mean, if I had gone through what Thea went through in Starling, I'd probably never want to go back either. And it's not like you can tell her that Merlyn is a super-ninja and… Wait, can you?"
"I'm considering it."
"And how would you happen to know?"
Oliver knows what she means. What's your excuse for knowing things you couldn't possibly know about, unless you were someone you vehemently claim you're not .
Oliver sighs. "I'm working on that."
A long stretch of silence filled with only their breaths on the line. Hers is a little heavier than his though, but Oliver bites his lip instead of asking her , again, if she is feeling ok.
"Do you ever think about it?"
Her voice startles him a bit.
"About what?"
"Leaving. Just… leaving Starling and starting a life somewhere else. Somewhere where you don't have to make plans involving how to avoid people shooting at you, cause vigilante life aside, those are always the best plans."
He smiles. "They never turn out right though."
She groans softly. He can imagine her wince, her scrunched up nose, and his smile widens just a bit.
"Yeah, we need to get better at those." Felicity admits. But she says nothing else after, and he knows she's leaving him space to answer, if he wants to.
He used to. He used to think about running all the time. It was part of his nature, Oliver thought sometimes. Maybe that would explain why it felt like such a compulsion. But he knows that's not really it.
It's about not wanting to be buried alive under the weight of his mistakes. He'd rather vanish instead. It's avoidance, and cowardice. Nothing extraordinary about it.
Failure for him comes with an aftertaste of bitter undoing. He remembers what it feels like to look at what he's done and see only someone not good enough. And if that wasn't enough, not even his fuck-ups are his to bear. They impressed themselves on the skin of the people he loved, and Oliver couldn't stand the thought of it. It makes him want to disappear. Erase himself from existence, go somewhere where nobody knows him. Some place where the damage he can do is limited and doesn't hurt anyone.
He remembers that.
Things are spiraling now too, but he can't leave anymore. There are strings, frail as a wish whispered in the dark, that tether him. To the ground, to resolution. To people. People he would do anything for. People who need this Oliver.
He can't afford to be a ghost anymore.
In the end he gives all the truth he's capable of.
"I do think about it," Oliver admits. "Sometimes." He wonders if Felicity feels it. That restlessness in him that tells her he's never quite comfortable anywhere. "But not as much as I used to."
Thea's words keep repeating themselves in his head. She is all he has. If he has to show her all his open wounds and the horror… he will. He doesn't want anything like that to ever touch her ever, but he doesn't want to lose her either.
"I think I need to tell Thea everything." he hears himself saying. "She said something to me that… Yeah, i don't think i can keep her at a distance anymore. I'm going to lose her if i do."
He feels the truth of those words even as he says them.
The line is silent and Oliver imagines Felicity blinking.
"You mean… ' everything' everything. As in…"
"The island, what happened the five years that I was away, everything I've been doing since then." If Thea wants to keep him at a distance, that's her choices. God, most of the time he would even approve. But at least she should know why. She should know.
"Oh."
"Yeah."
He knows, logically speaking, that that is the best thing to do. Even as far as strategic decisions go, it's the one that makes the most sense.
Except he is terrified.
Felicity's tone changes over the line, gentles in a way that he recognizes. She probably already knows what's going through his head.
"You don't sound like you're really looking forward to doing that."
"I'm not, no. Because the truth, the real truth - the one Thea will hear when I tell her everything - is that her brother has been lying to her to her face, with pathological sincerity for the past two years." He presses his fingers against his eyelids, to stall the heartache that is starting to spike behind his eyeballs. "I'm going to lose her."
Felicity lets out a long exhale. He wishes he could see her face, maybe he would be able to tell what she's about to say to him.
"Seems to me like she's already slipping through your fingers Oliver. What have you got to lose?"
He scoffs. "Well, she doesn't hate me yet."
"Oliver." Exasperation creeps in her tone. Asking her whether or not she is in fact rolling her eyes at him over the phone is right on the tip of his tongue when she starts talking again.
"You know, you really need to start having some faith in the fact that the people you care about, care about you in exactly the same way, Oliver. … Have a little faith in your sister."
Oliver gulps heavily, trying to swallow down the knot of nerves in his throat.
"Ok."
"Oliver."
His spine straightens imperceptibly. It's stupid but for a split second he was ready to jump to his feet.
"Yes."
She takes a ragged breath. "Let me know how it goes."
His lips twitch upwards. "I will. Bye, Felicity."
"Bye, Oliver."
The main diagnostics room of STAR Labs is where the team conducts their experiments with Barry. It's a huge room and filled with all kinds of tech to test all kinds of things, but currently, felicity is sitting on a metal chair, elbows on the glas stable with Roy and Digg at her sides while they listen to Wells explain virology and genetics to them.
"So, let's say you want to change the human body. You want to fix a mistake. You want to repair something, improve something. Well, if you're going to reprogram human genetic material, you need a delivery system and nothing works better than virus." As Wells talks, he adjusts his glasses on the perch of his nose, eyes behind them shining with excitement. Felicity could follow his every micro-expression and though she didn't find the doc's enthusiasm for the sciency stuff as creepy as Roy did, there was something in his manner that undoubtedly put her on her guard.
But maybe that was just because ever since she woke she'd been feeling so antsy that she could hardly stay in one place, even though she knew she didn't have the energy to move.
"It's like a suitcase." Wells explains. "You pack in genetic mutation, infect the body and the vector unloads into the target cells. But getting it where you want it, how you want it, is the nightmare. Unless you have a map. Now, no scientist in the history of viral-receptor mapping has ever manages to create one, but this virus apparently already had it. It's… It's impossible, but there you have it."
Felicity sighs and tries to bottle her frustration down.
"I sense a pattern here." She mutters. Digg hums, soft enough only for her to hear. Roy is stone still and just a silent.
God she's so hungry, and it's starting… it's starting to feel almost like a compulsion. Her eyes fit around and land on things that don't make sense and her instincts are a jumble, but she doesn't care because her stomach is about to gnaw at itself it feels so empty. And yet , she threw up the watered-down soup they gave her, again. To be perfectly honest, though it had tasted fine, she'd felt even worse after eating it she'd felt relieved that it had left her system, after.
A small whisper at the back of her head kept hissing nonsensical things at her, but Felicity had decided that she was going to ignore that. Wrap a bubble around her sanity and would only consider the thoughts that made sense. Same as she'd put on those thick dark glasses so that she could move around without her eyes feeling like they were burning out of her skull.
Only things that made sense. Thoughts of blood and how… how…
No, those didn't make sense. It was just shock.
"Now, as for the effects. What has happened is that the virus has made some very minor alterations made to two different chromosomes of yours Miss Smoak." A picture of a chromosome on the computer's screen, a side of it marked with green and the other with blue. Felicity leans forward. "The green side, the physical side, is nothing more than a 1.5 percent rise in mitochondrial protein uptake."
The doctor turns to look at her, eyes sharp as glass. "That sounds like a negligible number, but in the body as a whole 1.5 percent translates into immediate increase in cellular tempo, muscle efficiency, oxygenation…"
He seemed to think it a wonder and maybe it was but Felicity is more concerned about the effects this whole thing is going to have on her body.
"And the blue side?"
"Neural regeneration and elasticity. Sensory function. Pain suppression." Wells takes off his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose, but he's smiling. "It's the most exciting development in genomic targeting in the history of the science."
Roy's heartbeat picked up. She could hear it. Digg stiffened.
"The virus is useless at this point. Iit has already started degenerating and no matter what we cannot seem to reproduce it. The only proof of it lives in you now. With careful study, we could figure out how it operates, and replicate it."
Felicity leaned back. Wells wanting to experiment with possibly-League originated stuff wasn't as ot a plan as the doc might think.
"I don't think that's a great idea. And that's definitely not why I'm here."
"Miss Smoak…"
"I understand the scientific implications behind this doc, but I don't really feel like playing guinea-pig for anyone right now." Felicity says as she reaches for the glass of cold water in front of her. She drinks all of it. "And this could be really dangerous. Especially since you don't really know what this virus is, where it comes from or it's side efects. So I'd appreciate if you could just tell me what's wrong with me and leave it at that."
Wells collects himself admirably.
"Absolutely nothing is wrong with you, Miss Smoak. On the contrary, in comparison to most people, you are at the height of your health and as time will prove, in the utmost peak of physical condition." Wells leans forward, as if he's trying to impress his point onto her. "Don't you understand Felicity? You are now the living proof the human condition is amendable. That it can be perfected and it doesn't take a strike of lightning, or a wave of dark matter. That is is possible, through science ."
Felicity contemplates his words, her face reflecting the distaste she feels.
"It's possible to make some people better than others… You know, everyone should be weary of that no matter what, but as a jewish person, mark me down as very uncomfortable with the whole premise of that idea." Felicity to mention all the ways this could be weaponised. But she doesn't say that.
Her scathing tone didn't seem to discourage Wells in the slightest though.
"Think about curing cancer, Felicity. All the diseases that have a genetic origin and that so far we have only fought against the symptoms, never being able to do anything against the cause itself."
"What I'm thinking right now is that all that will be for nothing really, if I end up starving to death." Felicity says bluntly. "I've been hungry since i woke up but I can't keep anything down. Why?"
Caitlin walks forward then.
"I… might have an answer for that." she says haltingly. Felicity eyes the folder in her hands, the way Caitlin is gripping it so tight. She can't read her expression, it seems equal parts hesitant and freaked out, with a good dose of apprehension on the side. And she looks pale.
Felicity's stomach drops to the floor. She can't even ask, but that's ok. Digg does it for her.
"What is it?" His tone utterly calm, but forceful enough to jumpstart the doc into answers.
Caitlin looks right at Felicity.
"I just got the results of your biopsy back. The reason you can't keep anything down is because you have Inflammation of the Digestive tract and its causing it absorption issues."
Felicity frowns, even as her heart starts beating faster.
"In theory, Heme would be a solution for an increase of HO-1 to lock onto, and create more CO, which then counteracts and even protects against the inflammation. But both heme and CO can be toxic to the human body."
Felicity let out a slow breath.
"Thanks for the info doc, but how does this help us exactly?" Roy snaps. Felicity throws him a sharp look and he just shrugs 'what' like he did nothing wrong.
"Well, there is a way to get both those things in the body without it poisoning you. And it seems…" Caitlin takes a breath, like she's bracing herself. "It seems like it's what your body wants because the tissues of sample i took reacted well. Really well, actually."
And it sounded like a good thing, but Felicity still couldn't figure out why Caitlin seemed so freaked out by that.
"Caitlin, i really don't follow." Felicity says, sounding exactly as exhausted as she feels.
Caitlin opens and closes her mouth for a moment.
"Okay, so i know how this is going to sound, but please keep in mind that all things considering, we've actually dealt with weirder things." she says finally as she looks around at everybody.
"Not really helping here, Cait." Felicity says through gritted teeth. God, her patience has gone and fucked off hasn't it?
"Theoretically speaking, blood would be the solution?"
Felicity narrows her eyes.
"Are you telling me or asking me?"
"The inflammation went down surprisingly fast when in contact with a small amount of O negative, and the tissues absorption properties were top notch."
Felicity drew blank in her mind and by the looks of it, John and Roy too.
"You can't keep food down because that's not what you need right now." Caitlin says eyes are so knowing that they piece that bubble of protection around Felicity's sanity, as easily as it it had been a soap bubble.
"Are you telling me that she…" Wells starts, but John interrupts him.
"Are you people insane ?"
"No not really. It's… it's what her body says it needs, mr Diggle. I didn't make this up."
But through all this, Roy's voice comes through clearest.
"Remember what Sara said?" Roy whispered, instantly catching Digg's attention and Felicity's too. He looks young, and scared. "She said there would be a blood price."
And that's when Felicity gets up and leaves, as quickly as she can.
Felicity goes back to her room, closes the door, hacks the mechanism and locks it from the inside. She knows that it can be overridden but it will take them at least another six hours to do that and in the meantime, Felicity needs to think.
She needs to find some sense in all this. She needs to reason her way out of it. She's done it before, it's not that impossible. She's withstood so much, she can do this.
Because it can't be real. This can't be her reality. It's impossible.
Its a fuckign horror show!
This can't be real.
But her senses tell her different.
It's right there at the pit of her stomach, in the burn of her throat. At her fingertips and in the way that even in the isolated room, she can still hear Digg coming down the hall, his furious heartbeat.
Oh god… oh god…
Now that she allows herself to consider it, Felicity can.. She can feel it: the hunger scraping at her insides. How it's so much deeper than anything she's felt before.
All this time she'd thought she was just hungry but she should have known. She should have faced it same as she's always faced what scared her: head on. But how could he? She'd had no way to translate these sensations into anything other than what she already knew of her body. New sensations came through her in a code for which she didn't have the key. The only baseline for which she could translate that clawing hunger she felt was for food so she'd assumed… she'd assumed…
But now that she knows, she can't deny it anymore. It chews at her, vicious and needy, making her ache. It's starting to become the closest thing to real, true need she's ever felt. A midnight craving cracked up to the eleventh.
It makes her gut clench in the way that reminds of her how cramps used to feel, but more than pain, it's a push for action.
Move !
Felicity shivers, afraid of her own thoughts. She may be weak but it's not a weakness that suffers itself. It's pushing her to action.
She doesn't even want to think about what kind of action.
Felicity gets up and unlocks the glass door. Digg is standing on the other side as if waiting for her. And Felicity could laugh, she really could because she is almost a foot shorter than him in fuzzy pink-striped pajamas and bunny slippers, cause Barry thought he was funny, and there Digg - 200 pounds wall-of-muscle and Special-Forces trained John Diggle - and he's looking like he's bracing against her.
"I need a favour."
His jaw clenches. "I had a feeling you would."
You know that this is nonsensical right. There's no way this could be true." John says. Felicity doesn't contradict him, but she doesn't reassure him either.
She knows better.
John tries to step closer but she takes a hasty step back and raises her hands.
"Don't." she warns.
John's eyes are wide and almost frantic. He shakes his head minutely. "This is impossible."
Felicity smiles, if that curve of her lips and her empty eyes could be called a smile. Her hands are shaking.
"After Slade, Barry and all the people he deals with, you really believe in the impossible."
John shakes his head harder. "This isn't about metahumans! This… this is…"
It would be funny, any other time, how he can't even say it.
"Whatever it is, I don't want…" Felicity gulps with difficulty. "I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm not willing to take that chance. I'm trusting you to help me, John." she says softly.
"That's not fair." John protests, but she can see that he's already made up his mind. He's going to do whatever she needs to.
"I'm not into playing fair right now Digg."
"I won't matter that i disagree with this, will it?"
"No, not this time."
They walk down the hall, to the long reactor that serves as a prison for the metahumans that Team Flash apprehend every once in awhile.
"And what about when Oliver comes back and kills me for this."
"Oliver has nothing to do with this. Besides…" She looks up at him with a small smirk. "You can handle yourself."
When Thea sees him standing there, waiting for her on her front porch, she sighs. She should have known he wouldn't just let this go. They're about to find out what happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object, she thinks, since Oliver doesn't give up, and she's not about to give in.
She still walks toward him though. Whatever he has to say now, she is going to listen to him. Thea knows that even before he asks. In many ways, it's what grates. She's keeping distance and she's not changing her mind, but he's still her brother. The only brother she has left now and her only family… kind of.
"Is it dinner time already for you?" She tries with an awkward smile.
"I need to talk to you."
Her face sobers. "I thought we agreed this would be a truce."
"It's not dinner yet," Oliver offers, in that chirpy way that is so painfully fake it makes her flinch. He can't seem to stand it any more than she because he drops it immediately. "And I really do need to talk to you."
"Again?" A bit of irritation comes through. She doesn't like it when people insist despite already having her answer. It makes her feel like they don't respect her enough to stand by her decision; like they think she doesn't know well enough to make one for herself. "I really think we're already said everything Ollie. Let's not hurt each other anymore, please."
Oliver shakes his head immediately.
"I'm not trying to. But I know that I have hurt you before, and the least I could do is explain. I just want you to understand, Thea."
They both stand there looking at each other; Oliver asking for a chance and Thea contemplating how much it would hurt to give him one.
In the end, there really is no choice to make.
"Come on in," she says tiredly as she passes by him, unlocking the front door and holding it open for her brother to come through.
Oliver braces himself. His insides are nowhere to be found and his hands are sweating, but he's already made up his mind. They're in her kitchen – she's offered him a glass of wine he hasn't touched, waiting for her to be done with putting away the groceries.
When she does turn to him with her own glass of red and sets it on the counter, taking her seat expectantly, Oliver feels his heart pound so loud in the silence of the house that he is half sure she'll hear it.
"You were right, before. About everything. I have lied, I have kept secrets."
Thea stiffens. Experience has taught her one certainty when it comes to her family: nothing good ever follows Queens making speeches about being honest. Usually only more lies are right behind those promises and Thea knows herself enough to know where her soft underbelly is: it's right there in front of her, staring at her with her mother's eyes. She could so easily fall back to old habits of wanting to believe him.
Knowing that weakness, and fearing it, is the reason why she takes a breath and crushes her feelings down mercilessly.
Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional .
"The truth is that if I tell you all the things that you don't know about me… I spent five years in the worst kind of hell, and there were things that happened…" Oliver gulps, looks away. He can't even look at her in the face, telling her those things. "There were things that I did that if you knew, you would see me differently."
His voice breaks just a little bit, and Thea feels her heart surge against all discipline.
She doesn't know where he gets these notions about her, and she's not about to let them stand.
"No, I'll always see you as my big brother. Because that is who you are, Ollie. No matter what happened to you on that island, or who you became…" She shakes her head, because how is it possible that he always has something to say about everyone, but never takes his own advice? "It's like you said, remember? I will accept any part of you, even if I can't recognize it at all… because the other part of you will always be my brother.[1]"
Oliver feels caught, wide eyed and heart getting too big for his ribcage, looking at her like a deer in headlights. He'd said those exact words almost a year ago, during their mother's trial. He'd said them thinking about their mom, sure, but the part of him that had hoped Thea would be able to do the same with him one day had not been as small as he'd tried to tell himself.
"But this is not about the things that happened to you that you never told me, Ollie. That's not what I meant. Those are your secrets to keep. I want to be there for you, sure, but I can deal with the fact that you don't want me to." And she doesn't even pause at his wince. "No, this is about the secrets you kept about my own life ."
It hurts to come back to this again. And it astounds Thea, how fresh the hurt is. She thought she was over it but she's obviously not. It feels as lacerating as it did months ago and she's on the verge of tears within seconds.
The part of her that will always chase after him like he's her biggest hero still has trouble accepting this happened. ' How could you ' still echoes in her head, a reminder that the hurt goes so deep because she'd never for a moment believed him capable of inflicting it. She had expected it from their mother. But not Ollie.
But he very well can. And he did . For months, without ever flinching.
"I mean, you lied to me about who my father was."
"Malcolm may be your blood," Oliver says immediately, "But Robert was your father."
Thea traps the groan of frustration behind her teeth. It makes her words come out half a growl. "That's not the point ! And it makes me want to scream that you still don't get that!"
Thea hisses a breath and tries to get a hold of her temper because she was two seconds away from raising her voice at him.
" What you were hiding wasn't what I was so upset about. It was the fact that you and mom both chose to lie to me about it!" She spits the words out like venom. They are.
They have been poisoning her into resentment for months.
"I'm sorry I lied to you, but I was only trying to protect you," Oliver says gently, looking at her like he's willing her to understand.
She scoffs eyes cold and unforgiving. "Come on, Ollie, I thought we said we were going to be honest."
Oliver cringes. "I am."
Thea shakes her head, disbelief and hurt mixing together, staining her deeply. He actually believes that!
It makes her temper rise like nothing else, breaking through training and discipline, shattering her calm.
She stands so fast the stool almost falls down.
"Protect me from what? From who ? Do you even know me at all ? The only thing I never wanted to be protect from was the truth so let's just stop saying any of that was for me because it wasn't ." Her words cut, hot anger sharpening them to a razor's edge. "It was about you and mom and the two of you circling each other with your issues and guilt and whatever the fuck! It was never about me – I was just… I was just the furniture you kept moving around."
Her voice breaks at the end and Thea turns her back to him, leaning against the counter of the kitchen and trying not to break down again.
Twice in a single day. That isn't very promising.
But then again, she hadn't talked about this, any of this, to a single soul ever since she came here. The grief that had calcified under the thin layer of numbness was exploding out of her. She'd thought she'd hidden it away, but that had been such a lie.
She had been able to avoid this as long as it was only her own face that reminded her of what had happened. But Oliver picking at both their wounds – that was like planting dynamite on the careful dam she'd been building and setting a countdown.
"You are so alike, you and mom," Thea starts slowly, her voice hushed and low. "Whenever you got the chance, you choose to hide things. I bet neither of you even thought twice about it. It's just how you both operate . I mean, I knew exactly how ruthless mom could be, but I honestly thought you saw me differently." She feels so exhausted and alone all of a sudden. Utterly abandoned. "Guess I was wrong."
The anger has burned away. Only heavy sadness and solitude fills her now. And he wants her to go back and play family with him.
No.
They're better off where they can't hurt each other.
She barely hears him step around the counter but then she turns and he's there, one step away from her, his hands on her shoulders, making her look at him in the face. Open sorrow and regret are so immediate in his eyes that it hurts just to look at him.
"I do understand Thea. I do," Oliver says heavily, putting the whole weight of his sincerity behind every single word. "Because I know you. I know who you are, Thea. I know you value honesty more than anything else. That you hate people talking over your head and not taking you seriously when you practically raised yourself. I know that."
Thea feels her tears slide down her face but she doesn't move, doesn't look away.
Maybe he does know that, but he didn't care enough.
"I know that you've been trying for years to get people to just see you, because one day we were all there for you and the next we were gone and we left you alone. And I know that you thought I was the only person you could trust to do that – I let you believe it too, which is worse. I lied to you, to your face. I betrayed you and I left you alone again. I do understand Thea. And I'm so sorry. So sorry."
She's openly sobbing now because hearing all that she feels coming from his mouth so clearly is like slamming back to her own body and finding it warm, when just a second ago she had fathomed herself all alone in the world.
Oliver has to blink quickly because honestly, he's not far behind her.
"I know that I hurt you, and I understand why you'd think it would be easier being apart, but Thea…" His voice breaks and Oliver clears his throat to keep his voice steady. Takes a deep breath, trying to get some air in his lungs after just stabbing his chest open for her and showing her the insides.
"What?" Thea pushes, red faced, and confused. She's as tender as a fresh bruise right now and Oliver knows he needs to say this but he has no idea how.
"I think I have to tell you something, but it's horrible and I don't know how."
Thea closes her eyes with a sigh, leaning against the counter and crossing her arms over her chest.
"Just say it."
"It's about dad. I lied to you about him, too. He wasn't the man we thought he was. And I've kept this from you because… because most days i wish i could forget it too." Because it was horrifying. And he never wanted something so violent and scarring to ever so much as brush Thea. But now he has to confess it.
"Dad made it off The Gambit with me."
Thea barely even reacts anymore.
"You told me he drowned."
"I did. I lied. We made it to a life boat together. There wasn't enough food and water for both of us, so he killed himself."
He watches with trepidation as her eyes widen with shock as the truth reverberates through her.
"And need you to know that because the thing is… mom and dad, they sacrificed themselves so that we could live. And all the things I need to tell you, they're probably going to make everything between us harder, but Thea… You're my family. And even if you don't need me, I need you. Because if we're not together, there's a part of me that is not even really alive. And I'll be better, I promise. I swear it. Just… Please just consider what I'm saying."
Thea drops on one of the high stoos of the kitchen isle and lets her head fall in her hands. She stays that way, still and silent, for what feels like forever.
Finally she turns to him, and gives him a small nod. She's still reeling but even that small gesture feels like a truce between them.
"Would a hug be ok?" Oliver asks with hesitation, and he finds himself with an armful of his sister that slams into him before he's even done asking. She sobs freely in his chest and Oliver holds on tight enough to feel her there, exhausted beyond breaking point.
He has no idea how much time passes before the untangle from each other.
Oliver clears his throat, but despite that, his voice is still raspy.
"So… do you need space?"
Thea shakes her head. "No. Are you any good with a knife?"
Oliver lets his eyelids fall closed. He does not, and never will, appreciate irony.
"I'm decent."
"Ok good. Start with the vegetables. We're having chicken and chili for dinner."
She comes and sits by is side quietly at the airport, a small suitcase in her hand. Oliver gets up and hugs her to himself for long moments.
When she backs away to look at him though, her eyes are stern.
"One chance. This one chance. You lie to me again and I swear Ollie, we are done. Whatever corner of the world you pick, I'll be at the opposite one."
Oliver takes a careful breath. "Does that count for all the times I've lied before?"
She considers him carefully and that steadiness about her that had been so new before now hits him full force.
"No. No retroactive effects to this new rule." she says, and then nods. "Let's take it as a fresh start okay?"
Oliver nods. He's boxed himself in nice and tight, and in a way, he's glad. He loves Thea enough that he is glad he has cornered himself into telling her the truth. And he will.
"There are a couple of things I'll need to show you once we get back to Starling." He says instead.
Thea nods. And then frowns.
"Do we still have the mannor?"
"Yeah." Oliver turns to her, contemplating it. "How would you feel about selling it, Thea?"
She thinks about it for a moment.
"I feel pretty good about it actually." And then she smiles. "We could get a place together if you want. You're not with anyone are you?"
Oliver doesn't know how to answer the second question so he sticks to the first.
"Being roomies sounds nice. Haven't had one of those since college."
Thea's eyes sparkle. "Which college."
"The second one." Oliver says readily, almost as if he'd anticipated her. Thea's smile only grows.
Oliver throws one arm across her shoulders, tucks her close and kisses the top of her head.
"I love you Thea." the words fall heavily from his lips. This could very well be temporary. He could lose her again, the moment he lets her in the Foundry. The moment she's able to make the connection between her brother and the body count over the Hood's shoulders.
"Love you too big bro. Don't think i didn't notice how you dodged that question before." she smirks up at him. "I'm gonna let that one slide for now."
He shoves her away - gently. Her laugh rings in his ears.