A/N: Life's been more than a little hectic lately. I'm still managing to keep to the every-other-week updating schedule, but I'm barely scraping by with my review responses before I post the next chapter. I promise to get to them faster from here on, though, because I see a figurative light at the end of the tunnel. Hope you all enjoy this monster of a chapter!
As always, thank you to my fabulous beta Hr'awkryn!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything having to do with Marvel Comics or any of its creations. I can only appreciate the characters they've given us to work with.
Chapter Eleven
"I have a fire in my fingers, and I want to believe in this, in me, in you and the way your eyes burn when you look at me."
1962: Ceylon
"Do you know what I've noticed?"
The newly-arrived figure stepped out of the shadowed corner of the living room. "What's that?"
"That lamp…" Without looking away from the book in her lap, Jane pointed to the object of interest. "Flickers every time you arrive. It's not very noticeable or very long, but it does. And it's the only one that does. Do you know why that is?"
She scribbled down the current date and time in the pocket-sized notebook on the couch beside her. It had become a habit of hers, taking note of every time Loki visited and chronicling whenever something seemed to give a sign of his arrival.
The first time she'd noticed it had been in an old barometer. It had hung beside her kitchen window, a simple way to predict the changes in weather. However, one day, while she'd been washing dishes, the mercury had jumped before returning to normal. The only thing she could think of to explain the anomaly was Loki, who had just disappeared back to Asgard. With that thought in mind, she'd purchased three more barometers before his next arrival and strategically placed them around her house. Words failed to describe her excitement when the one closest to Loki reacted the next time he showed up.
Jane had started to run with a few ideas, but her studies had come to a screeching halt when the barometers stopped working. He could disappear in the same room with no results. He could disappear right beside one with no reaction.
It had been frustrating.
But that had also been the same time static began to buzz in her radio in the seconds before he arrived. And when the radio had ceased being a predictor, the lamp had started flickering.
So not only was it frustrating, it didn't make sense.
"I can't say I do." Loki settled into the nearby armchair, looking for all the world like he belonged in her meager flat instead of another realm entirely. "Do you?"
Dropping the pen between the pages, Jane leaned back against the couch. The issues with the barometer had seemed promising in the beginning. If changes in atmospheric pressure were a forewarning of whenever Loki travelled through space-time, that was something she could study, something she could attempt to explain. However, the reactions from the radio and the lamp had nullified that theory.
"No." Her head fell to the side to meet his eyes. "No, I don't." Then she sighed. "I don't know if I ever will."
One corner of his mouth twitched in an almost-smile, but it was gone before it really had time to form. "Magic is unexplainable. No amount of numbers, equations, or theories can unravel its secrets. I've told you that before."
"I know… there has to be a way, though." Tossing aside years of studying and invested time in research wasn't an option. She couldn't give up. "Magic is just something science hasn't been able to explain yet." She'd said the same thing to an elderly gentleman after listening to his theories on magic versus technology.
"Magic is magic."
"If I were to go back in time and show thirteenth century highlanders electricity or cars or radios, they'd think it was magic." Jane breathed a chuckle. "Hell, I would've thought it was magic. But that's only because science hadn't advanced enough to explain it."
The chair squeaked a protest as he relaxed further into the cushions and crossed his arms. "One day, Jane, you'll see that this goal you've fixated on is futile."
"I'd like to think I'll end up proving you wrong."
"Unlikely."
"But possible." Granted, it was a slim chance, but a chance nonetheless.
From outside came cheering as one group of kids bested another in a game of cricket. Inside, however, they sat in relative silence, the only sounds being Jane's fingernails as they repeatedly scraped the book's binding and the thump of Loki's feet coming to rest on the coffee table. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, though, just… typical.
Jane pulled her legs onto the couch and crossed them. "How do you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Move between the realms. Move through space at all." Her attention shifted to the ceiling to stare at the crisscrossing lines of evening light filtering through the shutters. "When you want to travel, do you just open a bridge and… step through?"
"The Bi-Frost is the only bridge, so to speak. My movements have nothing to do with bridges."
"I don't mean bridge as in a literal bridge." Gods and their technicalities. "It's called an Einstein-Rosen bridge, but it's really just a wormhole."
Loki frowned. "No, there are no holes involved either."
"Alright…" Jane bit back her sigh. For so many years, she'd been the one oblivious to what happened around her – technically, she was still oblivious regarding most things – but it was easier to be patient when she knew his comments were a result of him, for once, having no idea what she meant. His smug attitude made more sense now. Knowledge was power. "No bridges, no holes. What would you call it then?"
"I don't call it anything. It's magic."
Setting the book aside, she tucked one leg under the other, turning until she was sitting sideways on the couch to better face Loki. "But how do you do it?"
"Magic."
"I know, but—"
"That is all there is, Jane." The snapped words made the words die in her throat, her teeth clicking as her mouth shut. They stared at each other for a long moment before her eyes fell. When he spoke again, though, the harshness had left his voice. "There's no secret to it, no explanation that can be quantified or examined. I simply find the seams in space and open them enough to move through to wherever I wish to be."
Jane stared at the floral pattern of the couch, distractedly nibbling at her lower lip. Part of her wanted to ignore what he said, get up and leave the room, but another part of her wanted to question him further, pick apart his statement to discover the details that resided beneath.
In the end, the budding scientist in her won out.
Slowly, she lifted her eyes to find him watching her. "How do you know that whatever… seam you open will lead where you want to go?"
"Magic."
Of course.
"And practice." She'd just decided on leaving, figuring the conversation would only continue to circle the magic answer, but the added words made her pause. "After enough times using them, it becomes easier to understand which paths are able take me where I want."
Frozen with legs halfway unfolded to the floor and one hand pushed into the couch cushion to help her stand, she stared at him critically. The answer was still vague, something she couldn't even hope to fully understand, but it was an answer nevertheless. A spring in the couch popped as she sat back down, although she didn't relax as much as before.
"So you have to find the seams before you can travel. Does that mean they're not everywhere?"
When he smirked, it was her turn to frown. "I thought you were capable of figuring out a method of travel on your own using your… science."
"Well, if you believe science to be so inferior, you should have no reason not to tell me." Jane crossed her arms for good measure. "Unless this is one of those times you decide you want to be mysteriously silent, of course."
His smirk widened into an outright grin as he chuckled softly to himself. "There are countless seams. Yggdrasil was formed upon them. But I still have to locate one before I travel. If not… if I were to just open unconnected space, I'd likely enter the Void."
"The Void?" Jane's fingers were itching to grab her notebook and write down everything he was saying.
For the first time since he sat down, Loki looked away from her. "An empty, vast place that operates outside the basic structures that govern the rest of Yggdrasil." He stared at some point past her, towards the hallway leading to the bedroom or maybe at the wall that held a few pieces of artwork she'd collected.
"Operates outside the basic structures… what do you mean?" She fought the urge to wave her hand in an attempt to recapture his attention.
"Finiteness. Time. Gravity."
"So there's no passage of time in the Void? Or an end?" The first was mind-boggling; the second, not so much. For all she knew, her own realm was without end.
Loki shook his head. "You can blink and one second will have passed, or you can blink and one thousand years will have passed. There's no rhyme or reason to its functioning. Very few who have entered the Void manage to escape."
"Have you ever been in it?"
"No."
It wasn't difficult to believe. After all, if what he said was true, then only a mistake on Loki's part would result in him entering the Void, and mistakes weren't exactly something she could see being a problem for him. She doubted he did anything without knowing exactly what would happen beforehand.
"I bet if you did find yourself in the Void, you'd be able to escape easily." Brow knitting slightly, he blinked, his eyes finding hers once more. "Since you're so adept at travelling without the Bi-Frost."
A sort of seriousness had overtaken him while they discussed the Void, but it slipped away when he sat up in the armchair. "Perhaps." His feet reconnected with the floor, elbows resting on his knees as he leaned forward, hands loosely clasped between his legs. "So you believe these bridges you spoke of would explain travel between realms?"
"The Einstein-Rosen bridges? Yes, if I could figure out how they worked." The notebooks stacked precariously on the bookshelf were proof of just how badly she wanted it. "And not just between realms. It would explain all of the travelling you can do."
"Yet science refuses to yield results."
Jane's mouth tightened into a thin line. "Clearly."
"And still you persist."
Then her mouth relaxed, a fierce sense of determination welling up in her. "Always."
The weight of Loki's regard was almost stifling, even if it was devoid of emotion. She'd never understand his unfailing ability to get under her skin with just one look when it was expressionless. It was a gift, one she didn't particularly enjoy. If only she could affect him as easily. But Jane's thoughts cut off abruptly when he stood, mind going blank as she craned her head to hold his gaze.
"After all these years…" He stepped around the coffee table towards her. "After all you've lived through and experienced…" He nudged apart her legs, neatly moving to stand between them. "You are still very much human."
One edge of Loki's surcoat was caught between the outside of his leg and the inside of her right thigh where they pressed together, the other curling around the outside of her left leg. The loose end shifted with him, the light touch giving her goosebumps and making her wish she was wearing something other than shorts.
It was incredibly intimidating, the position they were in. Loki stood above her, cool and collected, while Jane continued to stare up at him, hoping the out-of-control beating of her heart wasn't apparent on her face. But then he moved.
He lowered until he sat on the edge of the coffee table, both knees pressed against the insides of her legs, leaning towards her with elbows resting on his knees much as he had when he sat in the armchair.
"They never know when to give up."
It took Jane a moment to remember what they'd been talking about. She was too distracted by the slight quirk of his lips, the way he'd snagged a stray thread from the end of her shorts and begun to twist it around his fingers, the occasional contact on the inside of her thigh.
"Humans are…" Her words hitched, and she fought the urge to look down when his fingers brushed more purposefully against her skin.
"Eternally stubborn?" He offered the suggestion with a smirk that said he knew exactly what he was doing and the effect he was having on her and that he was enjoying every minute of it.
Abruptly, Jane sat back. The thread slipped from Loki's fingers as he pulled back just a bit as well. "I was going to say resilient." The added distance helped clear her mind. That, and the loss of his fingers against her leg, even though his knees still pressed against them.
"Hm."
The ceiling fan whirred above them, the dangling chain clinking against the globe. Most of the time the sound annoyed her, but right then she wished it was even louder. That way she wouldn't have heard Loki's quiet hum. It always made her nervous.
"So what will you do now, Jane Foster?" His eyes dipped as he leaned a little closer, rose back to hers, head canting to the side. "What will you do with all your resilience and your nonexistent answers?"
"Keep trying. It's the only thing I can do." Jane smiled faintly and echoed centuries-old words. "It's a good thing I have an eternity to figure it out."
And like her, Loki grinned in return, having recognized the banter. "Still not long enough."
Without warning, he disappeared, and the lamplight to her right blinked. Jane also blinked, only she did it three or four times before rotating from one side to the other on the couch, searching the room for any sign of him. Why had he left? She hadn't said anything out of the ordinary. And while their conversation hadn't been the most easygoing one they'd ever had, it hadn't seemed to bother him very much, not with the way he'd approached her.
"Well, I don't know what that was all about, but…"
With a huff, she returned to her prior position and picked up the book she'd set aside earlier. It fell open to the earmarked page, but instead of reading about quantum field theory and trying to figure out how its exotic matter could allow an Einstein-Rosen bridge to remain open for a longer period of time, Jane stared at the spot on the coffee table where Loki had been sitting and absentmindedly rubbed her legs. He'd been so close, touched her unnecessarily… the insides of her legs still tingled where they'd pressed against his pants.
In a bid to get her mind off Loki, she reached for the small notebook to make note of the lamp flickering when he'd left. Old habits, no matter how useless they might be, die hard. But where her hand should've closed around the notebook, it went right through it instead. And from the corner of her eye, she noticed the lamp flicker again.
She stared at her fingers, at the greenish hue that covered them as they sunk into the falsified image. "You didn't stay gone for very long." The copy of the notebook wavered then went out, and Jane was left looking at the cushion.
"Would you miss me if I had?"
"I would've missed my notebook." Letting her head fall back, she stared up at Loki who stood behind the couch, his hands resting on either side of her head. "Can I have it back?"
"Why do you need it?"
"Because." And since she knew exactly what he would say next, she smoothly cut him off. "I just do, Loki. Now would you please conjure it back from whatever hidden place you sent it?"
Neither of them moved, remaining at their stubborn impasse as the seconds ticked by, but just when they rounded the minute mark, Jane noticed the item that had magically reappeared beside her. Her eyes flicked down to the notebook, up to the inverted Loki, and out at the rest of the ceiling before she finally turned away completely. Picking up the notebook, she flipped to the ribbon-marked spot and jotted down the information.
September 6, 1962 – 7:38 pm – flickering lamplight
It was just another entry in a long list of entries. The pages were filled with observance after observance, along with the occasional side notes that indicated her changing locations. And that was only in the current book.
The one above the most recent entry read September 6, 1962 – 7:01 pm – flickering lamplight. The one above that read July 18, 1962 – 10:38 am – flickering lamplight. And if she were to flip back through the pages, she'd find one that read December 25, 1961 – 11:50 pm – radio static.
"Does that aid in your search?" Loki was slightly leaning over the couch now, peering around her head to read the scribbled words.
"Not yet, but someday it might. It's the only actual observations I can document right now. I'd like to think that, eventually, it'll come in handy."
The ribbon slipped between the pages, and the notebook closed with a snap. But before Jane could set it down, she felt the tips of Loki's hair brush against her cheek as he bent down to pluck the book from her hands. His sudden closeness was unexpected, and she fought the knee-jerk reaction to pull away if only because that was most likely the reaction he was after.
"You know, machines and science and observations are not required to feel magic."
Rotating on the couch, Jane followed his retreat. "What?"
"If you're in tune with your surroundings, you can feel its traces." It was entirely possible she resembled a fish as she turned to stare up at him, eyes wide and mouth slack. "Most people, humans and Æsir alike, are too unaware of what's occurring right in front of them to sense something so delicate as magic. But anyone is capable so long as they concentrate and know what to feel for."
Enough cognitive thought returned for Jane's mouth to snap closed, but she continued to regard him intently, mutely, almost reverently, because a forthcoming Loki was not the Loki she was familiar with at all.
"How to feel magic instead of relying on sight alone was one of the first lessons my mother taught me. Eyes can be deceiving… that's what she'd always say."
"Your mother taught you?"
Later, she would berate herself for choosing that particular aspect to focus on. Of all things – feeling magic, the fact that anyone could feel magic, discussing magic in general – her mind had latched on to the mention of his mother. Granted, it wasn't something prone to coming up in their conversations. In all the years they'd known each other, Loki had only talked about his brother twice and his father once. But still, she was choosing personal details over magic and science.
The corner of Loki's mouth twitched at her question. "Among others."
Jane recognized the secretive smirk that eased across his face well enough to know that would be the end of any discussions involving his mother and backtracked accordingly. "So what does magic feel like then?" Standing, she began to move around the couch. "What are people supposed to feel for?"
Keen eyes followed her progress from the moment she stood to the moment she stopped next to him and leaned against the back of the couch, side by side but facing opposite directions. They regarded each other, and Jane pretended not to notice their closeness, the fingers that just barely brushed against her left hip if she fidgeted.
"Magic is subtle, gentle. It doesn't announce its presence like a storm or consume you like a fire. There's no heralding trumpets or fanfare. You have to focus…" The hand beside her hip moved, a single finger lifting to trace a long, slow line from her wrist to her elbow. "It's the tingle in your skin, the chill that races up your spine, the whisper in your ear."
And suddenly, between his lowered voice and the rasp of the last few words, their situation seemed fuzzy.
Indistinct.
Suggestive.
And Jane wasn't so sure if magic was the only thing they were talking about anymore.
She fought for control, struggled for it in the wake of the newly quickened pace of her heartbeat, but as Loki's finger rounded her elbow and continued up her arm, she felt her tenuous hold falter. Mouth slipping open, she sucked in a harsh breath. And as she let it out in a heavy rush, her eyes dipped, falling to his lips, the strong line of his jaw, the hollow at the base of his throat.
The atmosphere was electric between them, all pressure and friction and redolence, charged by his words and sparking with the touch of his hand against her arm. And Jane had no way of knowing if she was the only one experiencing it, but it was tangible enough to steal what little air remained from her lungs.
Just when she wasn't sure she could take any more, Loki's hand fell away and returned to the couch. "It's difficult to explain. Like I said, most will never pick up on it."
Even though Jane felt the loss of contact keenly, the waning tension was welcome. Still, her thoughts were slow to fall back into place. When they did, her eyes returned to his. "Do you think I could?"
"Possibly." His head tilted in thought. "I would think you more able than most."
"Can I try?"
There was a moment of hesitation, of wary observation, before Loki's hand wrapped around her wrist. Only once he'd led her away from the couch and stopped in the empty space between the piece of furniture and the wall did he release her.
"Concentrate."
Loki disappeared.
The lamp flickered.
And Jane felt nothing.
With a frown pulling at her features, she ignored the second flicker as he reappeared a few feet in front of her and scowled at him. "Nothing." There was no tingle, no chill, no whisper… there was only the sting of disappointment.
Surprise flitted across Loki's face before dissolving into a contemplative look. "Concentrate harder, but don't think about doing it."
"That makes absolutely no sense."
"It does." He shook his head. "If you're thinking about concentrating, you'll miss it. You have to concentrate on the air around you, feel the invisible currents of the universe."
But when he disappeared and reappeared again, this time directly in front of her, she experienced the same result. "Still nothing."
"Interesting." The way Loki said it made it sound like she was a particularly confusing problem. "I would've thought that, after all these years, you'd be able to sense it. Perhaps…" He paused, searched for a solution, then smiled slightly. "Try closing your eyes."
Jane arched an eyebrow, curious and distrustful all at the same time. "Will that really help?" But she didn't receive an answer, just one of his looks that bid no argument.
Dutifully, she closed her eyes and almost immediately felt her other senses pick up the slack, working overtime to accommodate the lack of sight. There was the faint scent of lavender and sage from the candle burning in the kitchen, the sensation of the loose thread dangling from the hem of her shorts tickling against her thigh, the low reverberations of Loki's voice in the space between them.
"Focus on the details. The ticking clock, the carpet beneath your feet, the hum of the world. Feel my presence, unchanging and steady. Feel your own presence, the rhythmic beating of your heart, the air in your lungs, your muscles and the way they slide over each other when you move."
Jane's fingers twitched, and her entire body felt overly sensitized when she touched her middle finger to her thumb. It was more than just the feeling of skin on skin, though. She could feel the way she occupied the space in which she stood, could sense the steely constant that was Loki before her.
"Now feel for the unsteady things around you. Search for the shift in the air, the tremble of something that doesn't belong…" His voice lowered to a whisper. "And keep your eyes closed…"
Hidden in the darkness of her closed eyes, Jane couldn't see the lamp flicker or the mercury in the spare barometer she kept around just in case leap. She couldn't see Loki vanish into thin air or reappear five feet in front of her.
She couldn't see any of those things.
But she didn't need to.
Because she felt it.
In the marrow of her bones, the pit of her stomach, the nerves in her skin she felt the trace of magic that signaled the God of Mischief stepping through space and back again. And it wasn't anything she could put words to or even hope to describe, but Jane knew what she felt and what she felt was magic.
"Well?" Loki sounded almost hopeful, cautiously fascinated. "Did you feel it?"
Keeping her eyes closed like he'd instructed, Jane allowed her mouth to split in a wide grin as she breathed her answer. "Yes…" And because she couldn't believe it, could hardly stand it, could barely contain everything she felt, she repeated in a borderline hiss. "Yes."
There was no warning the second time, but she felt the brush of magic all the same when he moved again. "And that time?" His voice came from her left, closer than before.
"Yes…"
"And that time?" His voice came from her right, probably no more than a couple feet away from her shoulder.
"Yes…"
"And that?" His voice came from directly behind her, so close she could feel his breath flutter in her hair, brush against the back of her neck. "Did you feel it that time?"
The last few traces of magic slipped away the longer he stood there, but the memory of it twining with the blood in her veins remained. Exhilarating. Unreal. Fascinating. Words fell short of describing the thrill she felt. But as the excitement decreased, Jane was left very much aware of everything else. That included Loki's presence behind her, something she could sense just as clearly as if she could see him standing there.
"Well, Jane?"
His prompt reminded her that she hadn't answered his last question so she nodded, her whispered answer coming seconds later. "Yes."
Without warning, Jane's hair shifted and Loki's fingers grazed against her shoulder blades as he pulled the locks to drape them over one shoulder. His fingers trailed down, ghosting across her upper arm, skimming down her side, dipping in at her waist. Goosebumps rose in their wake, but it was nothing compared to the way the hair on the back of her neck stood on end when she felt the space between them disappear.
Loki's chest lightly brushed her back, his exhale warm across her cheek as he leaned down to speak directly into her ear. "It's amazing what one can see when they're not looking."
Jane swallowed.
Hard.
The fingers that had lingered at her waist lowered, settled at her hip. They played with the hem of her shirt for a moment before slipping underneath it to trace meandering patterns on the skin revealed there.
"Loki."
It was a warning.
It was a plea.
The hand that wasn't setting the skin over her right hip on fire reached around to curl over her shoulder, the heel of his hand pressing firmly into her collarbone. "Jane." And she felt her name in the motion of his lips against her shoulder.
"We shouldn't be doing this." Jane wasn't sure where she mustered the strength to speak considering her entire being was at war with itself. Her mind was screaming at her to step away, to put an end to the precarious game they were playing even as her feet twisted around to face him as she finally opened her eyes. "We need to stop."
The hand that had been on her shoulder grazed across her cheek before cupping her head and tangling in her hair. "Why?"
So blunt. So nonchalant.
But she really couldn't blame him because it was a very good question to which she didn't have a very good answer.
There was a slight tug on her scalp as Loki encouraged her to let her head fall back. And when she did, his head dipped out of sight and Jane was left staring at the tiled ceiling while his mouth settled on the juncture where her neck met her shoulder.
The contact was too much. His lips were cool against the flush spreading throughout her body, a stark contrast to his warm breath as he moved from one spot to the next, gradually working his way up the long line of her neck. And as Jane breathed a sigh, she couldn't help but think: why not?
Why shouldn't she just give in? Why shouldn't they continue what had been building between them for the past few centuries? Because things had been building, there was no denying. Looking back now, she could see the signs. The subtle shifts in their relationship and the way all of it wound together to bring them to a place where it didn't feel wrong for Loki to be kissing a heated path up her neck or for her hands to be fisted in the front of his surcoat.
But the line they were walking was a knife's edge, dangerous and risky, and Jane knew that, if they continued, there would be no going back, no way to reverse what they'd done the next morning.
"Because…" Her breath hitched when his lips found the sensitive area on the underside of her jaw. "We just shouldn't."
"I'm not sure whether you're trying to convince me or yourself."
And Jane would've laughed at the irony – because she honestly wasn't sure either – if Loki hadn't captured her mouth at that exact moment.
But while he'd effectively cut off her laugh, there was nothing he could do to prevent the sigh that escaped her.
In a world of constant change, Loki was the only unchanging thing in her life. People came and went, lived and died, but he was always there with his playful smirk and his mysterious secrets and his mischievous ways. And even though the nature of their relationship may have changed over the years, the things that comprised the God of Mischief hadn't. He still felt the same, smelled the same, tasted the same.
The fingers in her hair tightened even as her own trembled. She fleetingly considered releasing the soft leather, lowering her hands, ending their contact, but that thought was abandoned when her right hand moved of its own accord. It released his coat to press flat to the hard armor of his chest, pushed upwards until it could curl around his neck, and she couldn't help but lean into the kiss.
But they were still balancing the knife's edge, so when he ended the kiss, Jane whispered into the half-inch of space between their lips. "Loki…"
It was a last bid at resistance, but it was weak. There was less fight, less willpower. Significantly fewer feelings of this isn't right and significantly more thoughts of please don't stop.
"You don't want this?"
"I… I'm not…" Jane closed her eyes to shut out the dark intensity of his own and repeated her earlier statement. "We need to stop."
"That's not what I asked." The hand at her hip eased around, slid along the waistband of her shorts, flattened in the small of her back. "There is a vast difference between what a person needs and what a person wants."
With her eyes still closed, she could only feel as Loki shifted away from her mouth, his teeth scraping a harsh path along her jaw and nipping at her earlobe.
"Tell me you don't want this, Jane." For such softly spoken words, they seemed to resound loudly in her mind. Or maybe it was her breathy exhale at the hot, open-mouthed kiss he placed to her neck that sounded loud. "Tell me you don't want me, and I'll stop."
The hand still curved around the back of his neck contracted, fingers curling up to twist in the tips of his hair. It was fascinating how soft the strands were, how easily they slipped against her skin. Even the locks swept back over the crown of his head that were faintly touching the underside of her chin were soft.
"Well?"
As always, he sounded so cocky and self-assured, like he knew exactly how much of a losing battle her mind was waging with her body. So as much as Jane enjoyed the smooth feeling of his hair, she allowed it slide through her fingers in favor of bringing both hands to the lapels of his coat, grasping them firmly, and bringing their mouths together in a crushing kiss.
She pressed him, leaning into him so confidently that he was forced to take a couple steps back until he connected with the wall. There was a momentary feeling of power that rushed through her at the ability to take Loki by surprise… but then he was spinning them around, reversing their positions so she was the one trapped, restrained by the way his body pressed firmly into her.
And it was such a relief to just give in.
With one hand splayed on the wall beside her head, Loki tangled the other in her hair, pressed just enough to tilt her head and deepen the kiss. As his tongue teased hers, Jane's head spun with the heady sensations he so skillfully created. It had been quite a few years since she'd slept with anyone, so when he nudged her legs apart and pushed a knee between them, she all but groaned into his mouth.
It wasn't the first time they'd been close. Every time Loki had transported her through space, he'd done so while she was encircled in his arms.
It wasn't the first time they'd kissed. Just as expected, she could still remember the mind-numbing shock that had overtaken her that first time in Finland. Even more so, she could remember just how natural it had felt to kiss him in Italy.
It wasn't even the first time he'd trapped her up against a wall. Granted, the only other instance was when they were hiding in an alleyway from a pursuing fire giant while one of Russia's finest cities burned around them.
But it was the first time she could hear the growl rumble through his chest, taste the want in his increasingly insistent motions, feel him hard against her thigh.
Jane's hands were restless, flitting between grasping at his lapels, running through his hair, and pulling at his hips before finally pausing in one spot long enough to begin pushing off his coat. She managed to get it over his shoulders but was forced to stop when it caught on his still-raised arms. With considerable effort, she pulled away.
"The coat…" She jerked it for added emphasis. "Take it off."
Loki's hands dropped just long enough for him to shrug out of the surcoat then they were back, slipping beneath her shirt, running scorching paths from her hips to her waist. They paused at her ribcage, fingers fanning out to wrap around her side as one thumb teased the underside of her bra, stroking back and forth. The motion of his thumb was too near and too far away all at the same time. Its repeated path was just close enough to tantalize, just close enough to stoke the liquid heat that was building in the pit of her stomach, but not close enough to give her what she needed.
Breaths coming quicker, Jane leaned forward to capture Loki's mouth only for him to lean away in turn, and she could feel his lips curl in a smirk against her own when she frowned. "It's not nice to tease."
Any more protests were cut off, though, when the marginal space between them vanished. He reclaimed her mouth as his body trapped her once more against the wall. And while her hands absentmindedly searched for an opening in his clothing, his hands slid down, hooked around the backs of her thighs, and lifted her up. Jane sighed at the contact, the way his hips pressed intimately, firmly, deliciously against her, and heard the soft groan in the back of Loki's throat as he rocked into her.
Without warning, the wall disappeared from her back, and her legs automatically tightened around him. There was little need to support herself, though, not when the arms wrapped around her lower back held her so effortlessly. Only when the world tilted and Jane felt them lower did she end the kiss and open her eyes to find they'd relocated to the couch where she now sat straddling Loki's lap.
Everything felt so surreal.
Hundreds of years of tense encounters and awkward conversations and halting revelations were suddenly unimportant, forgotten, cast aside in favor of focusing on the here and now. In the past, things between them had been black and white with the lines clearly drawn – Jane, the human struggling with immortality; Loki, the immortal playing god with her life – but the present was grey.
No, not even grey.
It was multi-hued, brilliantly rich and vibrant, with the lines between them all but dissolved. Because there was nothing immortal about the way Jane pulled at his clothes like she was running out of time. Just like there was nothing god-like about the way Loki growled against her mouth, hips bucking beneath her when she nipped at his lower lip.
There were so few lines and so many colors – burnished silver was the rough fibers of the couch against her knees and shins; slate blue was the whisper of fabric against her skin as he pulled off her shirt; dusky purple was the hungry look in his eyes; blood red was the open-mouthed kiss he placed at the hollow of her throat; sunset orange was the press of fingers up her spine before they unclasped her bra; sage green was the breathy exhale that escaped her as she carded her fingers through his hair – and they all swirled together in a dizzying kaleidoscope as her head fell back.
It would be a bald-faced lie if Jane said she'd never imagined herself in this position with Loki. In the middle of the night, when the dark and hidden things in her mind came forward to play, she'd recall how it felt to touch him, to kiss him. She'd recall the dark look in his eyes and the slight hesitance before he'd release her after their travels through space. But thoughts could only take a person so far because no imagining could truly replicate the way his hands felt in her hair as he pulled her mouth back to his or the exact way his lips moved against hers or what it felt like for his fingers to ghost along her back, over her breasts, and down to the front of her shorts.
Jane had been half-heartedly pulling at Loki's clothing for a while, but when the button of her shorts slipped free, she leaned back with a curse. "Damn it, how do you get all this off?"
Any other time she would've laughed at his bemused expression, the way his brows pulled together as he struggled to comprehend what she meant through the haze of lust, but considering she was topless, sitting on his lap, and could feel him pressed against where she ached for him, she just leveled him with a frustrated glare. To Loki's credit, however, he recovered quickly, offering her a brief smirk before holding her still with a hand on her back.
"Always so impatient." He kissed a torturously slow path down the valley between her breasts. "Good things come to those who—"
The words hitched and his eyes shot to hers when she tilted her hips just enough to grind against him. "To hell with patience and waiting. How do you get it off?"
Jane didn't receive an answer, though. There was only the subtle tensing of his muscles beneath her before the world spun and she found herself lying on her back with Loki hovering above her. After a searing kiss, he sat up until he was kneeling between her legs.
"I can count on one hand the number of people I would allow to be so bold with me."
It was ironic that all of that said confidence melted away when his fingers crept under the waistband of her shorts. Still, Jane obediently lifted her hips when he began to ease them down.
"None of whom are ones with which I'd ever share a bed."
Loki guided her legs until they were extended upwards in front of him and slid her shorts off. When she tried to lower them, though, his hands settled on either side of her thighs and led them until her ankles rested on his shoulders.
"So what is it about you?"
The tips of his hair, mussed from her fingers running through it so many times, tickled against one ankle as he turned to press a kiss to the other. Then he slowly made his way from ankle to calf, from calf to knee, from knee to thigh, and while he drew steadily closer to the apex of her thighs, he continued to murmur against her skin.
"Why do I allow you to talk to me the way you do?"
Another couple kisses.
"Why can't I just leave you be as I intended from the beginning?"
Another couple inches.
"Why are the lines between what I should do and what I want to do so blurred when it comes to you?" Another couple kisses, another couple inches, and then Loki was so close – so god damn close – that Jane had to remind herself how to breathe. The hands that had been trailing down the backs of her thighs slipped beneath her, lifting her hips just enough for him to press his lips to the point where her leg connected to the rest of her body. "And why don't I even care?"
"Loki…"
Hands curled tightly around the edge of the couch cushion, his name fell from her mouth without her even realizing it, and at the sound, he pulled away just enough to rest a cheek against the inside of her thigh and meet her gaze.
"When did everything become so complicated?"
Lost in the grey-green sea that was his eyes, Jane reached down to run her thumb along his cheekbone. "When you saved my life in Norway. Since the beginning, things have been complicated." Her brows knitted at the torn, almost lost, expression that stole across his face. "Do you regret it?"
"No." There was absolutely no hesitation in his reply, and she knew he was telling the truth, could sense the bittersweet honesty in his words. "Even if I probably should."
When Loki looked down, pressed another kiss to the juncture of her thigh, and stood in quick succession, Jane was left staring up at him in a mixture of shock and confusion, wondering if he was disgusted with himself for what he'd admitted. The confusion didn't last for long, though. Leaning down, he touched a single fingertip to her sternum and proceeded to drag it down the entirety of her body, between her breasts and over her navel before hooking it around the elastic in her underwear and pulling it down.
A flush spread through Jane's neck, cheeks, and ears unbidden as the last piece of clothing slipped free from around her foot. Even after several centuries and numerous lovers, she'd never been able to throw the initial disquiet she always felt when naked before a man for the first time.
It was even more nerve-wracking when the man in question was still fully clothed while she was not.
It was even more nerve-wracking when the man in question was Loki.
He stared down at her, eyes roaming the expanse of her body. One set of fingers followed in the wake of his eyes, trailing up her shin, around the curve of her hip, into the dip of her waist… and when they paused to linger at her breast, Jane closed her eyes, unable to watch his silent perusal anymore.
"I think this situation is unfairly skewed." The words came out a little breathier than expected, but that was largely attributed to her racing heart as his fingers traced lazy circles around one hardened peak and then the other. "Either I'm wearing far too little or you're wearing far too much."
He chuckled. "Am I, now?"
Then the couch dipped as he lowered himself onto her, and the sensation of skin on skin nearly left her gasping. It was magic, that was the only explanation for the sudden disappearance of his clothes, but Jane wasn't complaining in the slightest. Her hands that had still been gripping the cushion came up to wrap around him, fingertips tracing the contours of his back, nails digging into the hard muscles.
Loki studied her face for what seemed like the longest time, intense and focused. But when she shifted beneath him, easing one leg out so he could rest between them, the intimate position broke whatever had captivated him so thoroughly, and he blinked, came back to himself, and captured her lips with a growl.
The leisurely pace from before was gone, replaced by an intensity apparent in the hand that shoved her knee to the side, in the fingers that crept between their bodies to press against her. And as his thumb circled the bundle of nerves and left her gasping into his mouth, Jane could feel his hips jerk and rut against her thigh.
If the flush that had stained her face and neck had been bad, it was nothing compared to the way that liquid fire from before now spread throughout her body. Her nerves felt hyper-sensitive, alive with the effects of his ministrations, and the longer he plundered her mouth, the higher he brought her with his continued caress, the more spots began to flash through her sight as her brain went white and fuzzy at the edges.
But just when a release to the tension was imminent, his fingers stilled.
Left dangling on the cliff's edge, Jane would've cursed Loki if not for the way he began to carefully reposition himself. Without breaking the kiss, he nudged her other leg aside to settle between them, leaned on one elbow to run one hand from her hip all the way up until it cupped her face.
She could feel him – every last inch of him – brushing against her in an electrifying caress, but he held still, pulling back to rest his forehead against hers.
"Jane…"
Despite it being only a whisper, the unspoken question was heavy in the air. But words wouldn't form in Jane's mouth, so the only thing she could do was breathlessly nod and wind her legs around his hips, tightening just a bit to encourage him.
And things were no longer tentative between them, no longer perhaps.
There was only yes and please and now and…
Loki pressed in, filled the emptiness with himself, and when he was finally seated within her, he buried his face in the curve of her neck. There was one timeless moment where they were still, the silence punctuated only by the sound of strained breathing. But then he was moving, rotating his hips against her, withdrawing almost completely before pressing back in, sending white-hot blades of pleasure shooting through her with every thrust.
Drowning in the sensations, Jane didn't register the fingers creeping up her arm until they wound through her own and pressed them into the cushion beside her head. Loki's grip was firm, almost painfully so, but the pleasure chased away any discomfort.
She could feel his jagged pants against her neck, smell the salt on his sweat-slick skin, taste the magic ingrained in his very being when she pressed her lips to his shoulder, and when he angled himself to graze over just the right spot within her, she could hear the keening sound she emitted and the low groan of her name he issued in response.
Fingers still clasped, they moved together, Loki murmuring increasingly desperate and indistinct phrases into her neck while her body blazed, back arched, toes curled, and Jane distantly thought that if this was what it felt like to be consumed by fire, she would gladly burn.
It was all so much.
Too much.
And yet, not enough.
Just when she thought the pressure was too much to endure, when she thought she would burn or drown or die with the intensity of it, the world snapped, sent her reeling and tumbling and falling as her body rippled with a pleasure so intense it was almost pain.
Jane clung tightly to Loki as he chased his own release. Lifting his head, he briefly covered her mouth with his own, but all attempts at control were in vain. The steady rhythm he'd maintained was shattered, regressing into hasty movements as he thrust one, two, three times before finishing.
Slowly, the world drifted back into focus.
The comforting weight of Loki's body lessened as he rolled to the side, rearranging them until he lay on his back with her head pillowed on his shoulder, body tucked to his side. She was still trembling, sparking with the aftershocks, but the fingers lazily stroking up and down her spine eased her into boneless relaxation.
With relaxation, though, came the reality of what they'd done. Jane experienced one heart-stopping thought of what now? before deciding it best to just not think about it. Tomorrow she could analyze the details and break down the particulars of what would happen going forward. Tomorrow she might even regret what had happened. But tonight… tonight she would just let things be.
Swaths of moonlight shone through the blinds, and she absentmindedly traced the patterns they threw across Loki's bare chest. "Did you ever think things would come to this point when you gave me that apple?"
"No." His soft exhale ruffled her hair. "Many Asgardians have carried on affairs with Midgardian women throughout the years, but I have never been one of them."
"Why me, then?"
The fingers against her back faltered and fell still. "You're not like the rest of them. Not anymore. Time tends to have that effect on a person."
"There are plenty of women who are different. Maybe not in the same way, but still…" Jane tilted her head back until she could meet his eyes. "That can't be the only reason."
Loki's focus flicked between her eyes for a moment before he issued a deep sigh. "There are very few things in any of the realms that I can say are completely my own. But you, Jane… you are all mine."
The ages had shaped and molded Jane into her own person. She was confident, strong, and resourceful, had survived wars and cheated death more than once. But at the same time, it was only the two of them who had watched all those years pass. Jane didn't know how things were for Asgardians or Gods of Mischief, but for humans, that kind of companionship, no matter how awkward or halting it might have been at times, created a bond. It was a bond that transcended magic and science, secrets and realms, gods and humans.
And so instead of refuting Loki's statement, she freely allowed him to snag her lips in another kiss.
A/N2: History facts for this chapter – Ceylon, Jane's residence for this chapter, is current day Sri Lanka. Also, the elderly man Jane remembers when she comments how magic is only something science hasn't been able to explain yet is meant to be Arthur C. Clarke. At this point, he'd only released the first of his three laws of prediction, but it's not a stretch to assume that Jane's comment might have helped shape what would become his third and most well-known law that 'any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic'. I'm sure you all remember a similar line from the first Thor movie, as well.
Please review! I will never not enjoy hearing from all of you! And if you're on Tumblr, feel free to come follow me. I operate under the same name, and the link is on my bio. We can have fun obsessing over all things Marvel-related together!