AN: So I've decided to try and make Thursdays my updating days. And if I miss a Thursday, I apologize.
Also, thank you so much for the reviews I have received lately - they are very inspiring and very much appreciated! It seems like a majority of you are truly enjoying this story so I do intend on finishing.
Please keep reviewing!
Sam's mind spun faster. Now that Sheppard was exposed, it was only a matter of time until the rest of the operation was completely uncovered and all of the agents would be in the exact same place as him – on their knees, at the mercy of a crazed drug addict.
She pulled her hood over her head slyly. Everyone was focused on the situation with John and she was able to move slightly more than before. She looked around to the other women in the expedition near her.
The colonel was pleased to see that they all had their eyes fixed on her – waiting for their orders.
If only she could give them some. For now, they just had to wait.
Ford wasn't a predictable man – especially at his current condition.
Neither was Sheppard.
xXx
He went over and over in his head whether or not he had taken anything that might have made him hallucinate.
Perhaps the blow to his head – and other body parts – finally did his brain in.
He couldn't be really seeing what he saw.
But the apparition didn't fade away as it usually did those nights it usually appeared to him – either in a drunken stupor or in feverish nightmares.
Her image had always been so crystal clear, he had thought. He had focused long and hard in order to make her seem as real as possible whenever he thought of her – he didn't want to forget a feature on her face.
But now he could see that the picture in his mind was far from accurate.
She was older. Her face wasn't as tight and smooth as it had been. Her cheeks were hollow and her eyes seemed smaller.
She looked like she'd been through hell.
He felt a pang in his heart as he saw her eyes search his.
He knew she'd find nothing there – barely a glimpse of the man he used to be.
She could always see right through him into his soul. And right now, with her staring at him, he could feel the walls he had erected in front of himself beginning to peel away as she slowly shook him down with her eyes.
He felt like she could see everything now – she could see his past and what he had become.
She could see him slamming down his chicken scratch of a note of resignation on General O'Neill's desk.
She could see him snapping at McKay, and all of his friends.
She could see him slowly drinking his days and nights away – pretending not to care but caring so deeply that it was ripping his very being into shreds.
He tried to communicate with his eyes that he was sorry – for everything.
But the realization of her actually being there still hadn't kicked in and he was trying to reason what had happened.
All he could focus on after that was the fact that she was alive.
Teyla's alive.
Then he felt his face pull back into a weak smile.
She looked too pained to return the gesture but he could tell that she was happy to see him. But her concerned expression made his smile fade and he forced himself to look back up at Aiden.
The young man had watched the silent exchange between the two, as well as everyone else in the entire encampment.
John had no idea how long it had lasted. Time was foggy and the pain in his jaw was beginning to throb mercilessly.
He took that as a good sign.
"Looks like you two have a lot of catching up to do," Ford drawled, his face panning into a neutral expression.
"You and I do too, don't we?"
A reluctant smirk appeared on Aiden's face for only half a second, but Sheppard saw hope.
"Nothing's changed since last we met," he shook his head. "I've been the same old. How about you?"
Taking advantage of the mock chit-chat, John eagerly dove in. "Oh, you know, pretty much the same too – sightseeing and whatnot. Thought I'd visit some old friends –
Ford laughed, but this time it didn't give him as much comfort. "You really expect me to believe you're here alone, Sheppard?"
Panic started to set in at the pit of his stomach but instincts took over and he threw in a casual chuckle. "I mean, I sure wish I wasn't, but it's hard to find a whole lot of volunteers willing to go to New Athos for a three month visit. No offense to the people here, but there's not a lot of tourist attractions. I suggested a Ferris wheel but –
"Stop. Just stop." Aiden waved his hand as he covered his face with the other. He walked away a distance. Silence prevailed until he spoke again:
"I did hope to see you again," he smiled painfully. "I wanted to show you how far I've come."
He threw up his hands, gesticulating to the brutes placed sporadically across the village. "This is what I've become."
Knowing it was a risk, John went ahead anyway. "A thief?"
The young man suddenly looked very earnest. "No – I've created a culture, Sheppard." He leaned down towards him, holding out his hands. "In fact, I even named them after you."
"What?"
He stood up again and smiled broadly. "We're called Sheppard's Team."
"Wait," Sheppard's teeth began to grind, "you mean you've been pillaging helpless villages across the galaxy all in my name?"
Ford seemed unaffected by his quick change in tone and only nodded enthusiastically. "Yes. And I've commanded them faithfully. And we've prospered!"
"At innocent peoples' expense!"
His face hardened. "You don't understand. I had to."
"No, you didn't have to!" he could feel his temper rising, but it was hard to restrain himself after hearing all the crap spewing from this formerly good man's mouth. "There is always a choice, Ford!"
He realized he was standing now, his hands gesturing widely as he unleashed all of his frustration. "You never were forced to hurt anyone or to steal anything! You had a choice! You had a choice to come back with me before and you didn't! You had a choice to let us help you but you ran away!"
"I'm a good soldier!" he shouted back.
"You are NOT a soldier!" Sheppard screamed. He felt every vein in his body pop and his face felt hot. He lowered his voice slightly but still maintained his firm stance. "A soldier protects. You have not protected anyone but yourself and your addiction. And look what you've done to them all," he pointed to the other unrealistically large men in the village, all wielding weapons, "you've fed them the same stuff you can't get off so you don't feel alone. Don't tell me you're a soldier, Ford, because you're not. You are a coward. And until you get help and stop recruiting people into your goddamn cult, you will always be one."
After his fuel had run out, he quickly realized what a horrible mistake he had made.
It seemed that nothing he had said had sunk in and Aiden looked furious.
Without him uttering a single order, the beast who had escorted him out of the woods graciously body slammed him back down to the ground.
As he was being pulled back up, he saw Ford point his weapon at one of the women. He looked at Sheppard.
"Would a coward do this?"
And from underneath her cloak, John caught a quick glimpse of Sam.
xXx
"Ford, don't!"
The look of terror in his former superior's eyes gave Aiden a dark thrill.
He had had his moment. And in that moment, he actually felt like he was being dressed down by his CO.
Part of him relished that old feeling, but then his ego started taking a few blows that he preferred not to happen in front of his men.
Who did he think he was? Calling him a coward?
Aiden Ford was many things but he was not a coward.
Would a coward defeat all odds in conquering his little corner of the galaxy? Would a coward raid multiple Wraith hideouts and ships to apprehend needed substances? No.
If anything, this man was the coward.
Where had he been?
Hiding out in New Athos by himself – that is, if his story was true. Why hadn't he fought to protect these people last time he came by? Some hero he made himself out to be. He also looked frail and unhealthy. He was like a sickly doppelganger of the Sheppard he used to know.
Ford guessed that the only reason they were reunited is because one of his men found the man cowering in some man hole.
Smirking at his newfound convictions, he cocked his weapon at his target.
John's eyes widened in fear and he started stuttering. "Don't do it!"
Aiden smiled. That would always be his downfall, compassion for people he didn't know anything about.
Besides, what was he freaking out about? It was only one woman. And it was the only person he planned on executing that day– just to make an example. Just to prove that he wasn't a coward and that Sheppard was wrong about him.
As the seconds ticked by, he watched as the thin man on the ground began to squirm anxiously.
"Didn't expect this one did you, Colonel Sheppard?" He let the use of his rank slip slowly through his lips. He knew he couldn't possibly hold that title anymore, and hopefully it would serve the purpose of crushing the man's spirit.
"No, because I expected better from you," he was pleading now, his eyes glancing far too often at the woman's face.
"You expected better of a coward?" Ford chuckled and then grew solemn. "Your mistake."
Just before he pulled the trigger, John shouted.
"It's Colonel Carter!"
As soon as he said it, it was obvious he regretted it because his eyes fell to the ground and he gritted his teeth in self-hatred.
"What?"
After he finally processed what he said, Aiden fell to his knees and tore off the woman's hood, of which he'd been so grateful of before.
The face of Colonel Samantha Carter glared back at him and he felt his innards churn.
He had only met the woman a couple times: once at a visit to his training center and the second time when he requested entry into the Atlantis program.
She had told him that he was "promising" and that she thought he would be a valuable addition to the Atlantis expedition because of his "outstanding performance and loyalty to his comrades and his country".