AN: Boy. Wow. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update, but I reaaaalllly wanted to get this chapter just right, and it's taken forever because I have exams and a thousand assignments due, and I struggled to find time to do anything.
BUT. I HOPE IT'S EVERYTHING YOU DREAMED IT WOULD BE. (I mean, for the beginning of Penny/Bruce times)
So much fluff in this chapter. It's also really long, so…I figure you'll all forgive me for the late update!
P.S. Disclaimer: I don't own anything – except my OC's – so not the songs that I reference and list.
Xxx
~Fen~
11. My Body Is A Cage, But I'm Emotionally Fine…
~Boho Dancer: My Body Is A Cage (Arcade Fire Cover)~
My body is a cage that keeps me
From dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key
My body is a cage that keeps me
From dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key
I'm standing on a stage
Of fear and self-doubt
It's a hollow place
But they'll clap anyway
My body is a cage that keeps me
From dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key
Standing next to me
My mind holds the key
I'm living in an age
That calls darkness light
Though my language is dead
Still the shapes fill my head
I'm living in an age
Whose name I don't know
Though the fear keeps me moving
Still my heart beats so slow
I'm living in a cage that keeps me
From dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key
Standing next to me
My mind holds the key
Standing next to me
My mind holds the key
My body is a cage
We take what we're given
Just because you've forgotten
That don't mean you're forgiven
I'm living in an age
Turning in the night
But when I get to the doorway
There's no one in sight
I'm living in an age
Realising I'm dancing
With the one I love
But my mind holds the key
Standing next to me
My mind holds the key
Still standing next to me
My mind holds the key
You're standing next to me
My mind holds the key
Set my body free
Set my body free
Set my spirit free
Set my spirit free
Bruce was painfully aware of how close Penny was to him.
Her arms were wrapped around his waist, and she was pressed up against his back. He was focussing on trying to keep that particular thought out of his head, since he felt like twice the monster he actually was.
You almost killed her and now you're enjoying her being close? What kind of messed-up, twisted are you? he asked himself bitterly.
He just focussed on driving the motorbike. It was easy. He'd owned one before, and apparently the saying that it was just liking riding a bike held some credit.
But what else happened up there? he wondered, his mind drifting back to his earlier worry. Penny had been hurt pretty badly, and he was certain she was in more pain than she was letting on. Surely it hadn't all been because of the fall? He was surprised that she hadn't mentioned anything.
Actually, he wasn't that surprised. She went out of her way to make sure that he was comfortable, that she didn't cause him any stress. She made it her job to make sure he was at ease for as much of their time together as possible. It made him frustrated, because he wanted to be able to help her without worrying about the Other Guy. And he knew that he could do it. He could be there for her. He just needed some more time…some more time to get it straight in his head…that she could never be anything more than a friend to him.
At this rate, that time might take close to centuries before that thought finally settled in.
But he would do it. He would work to be whatever she needed. He could handle little stresses. He'd lived in India, for crying out loud. This one waif of a woman couldn't possibly be enough to break his control. He would make it work, if not for himself, then for Penny. It was cruel to be so two-faced. To say that they could never have a relationship and then crave for more – even if he did it secretly – it was a betrayal to Penny. She deserved more than that from him, after what she'd been through trying to cure him. She deserved more.
So he would stop.
He would push her away.
Because his body was a cage.
As soon as Bruce started moving, Penny squeaked, and wrapped her arms even tighter around his waist. His stomach was warm, and she pulled closer to his back to shield herself from the biting wind as they zoomed along the highway.
As the wind whipped by on either side of her, she winced, struggling to keep her wings close to her body. Despite Bruce's jumper holding them together, the wind still shifted them slightly, and she inhaled sharply whenever it did. Her left one hurt whenever she shifted it, and she remembered the crack she'd heard when she'd been calling for Bruce earlier, just before he changed. She wouldn't be surprised if she'd fractured something. Falling down the mound of rubble probably hadn't helped either.
The cut along her side was bothering her too, although it had stopped bleeding a while ago. When they stopped, she'd have a look at it properly then. But…her leg had stopped hurting, so that was a plus. When the Hulk had grabbed her to stop her falling from the jet, it had really hurt. She knew there were already bruises forming beneath her pants legs, but it didn't hurt to walk. Only when she pressed it against something.
Before Penny realised what was happening, she found herself nodding off against Bruce's back, resting her helmet-protected head between his shoulder blades. However, he didn't protest, and so when she woke a while later, the sky was pink with the setting sun.
She sat quietly for a while, with her head on his shoulder, just staring at the horizon until felt herself wake up properly. She stifled a yawn, which made her body stiffen, and Bruce glanced behind him.
'You alright?' he called over the wind, and she nodded against his back. 'We're getting close to a town. I can see lights in the distance. We'll stop there for the night.'
'Why don't we keep going?' Penny asked, and then paused. 'Where are we going, actually? Some kind of SHIELD base?' Bruce shook his head, and said something, but his response was whisked away by the wind.
'What? I can't hear you!' Penny said loudly in his ear, and he nodded.
A few seconds later, and they pulled over. They'd been riding for about four hours, and Penny was stiff. Her arms felt numb from being clasped around Bruce's waist tightly for the majority of their travelling time, and she found that she couldn't actually get off the bike.
Bruce swung his leg off, and turned to her, tilting his head to stare at her with a questioning eyebrow.
'I appear to have lost the use of my limbs,' Penny said sheepishly, and Bruce grinned.
'Poor defenceless fawn,' he admonished. 'Do you want some help with that?'
She shook her head. 'No, thank you. Just give me a moment. Let the blood flow.' She slowly hauled her leg up, but halfway, got stuck. Bruce rolled his eyes, stepping towards her.
Carefully, he wrapped his hands around her waist, and when she lifted her leg once more, he helped to pull her off the bike. He wasn't expecting her to be so light though, apparently, as they stumbled a few steps, until Penny was – once again – in his arms.
'We've got to stop ending up like this,' he murmured quietly, and Penny stared up at him, smiling. If she wanted, she could just lean up and kiss him. He was that close.
And Penny realised that she really wanted to kiss him.
However, he seemed to realise to realise their proximity too, and his eyes widened. Hastily, he straightened, and withdrew his hands from her, turning to lean against the bike. It was like he didn't want to touch her.
'Thanks…' Penny said quietly, flexing her muscles, bending her knees and other joints. She reached up to pull Bruce's sweater off, and this time managed to do it by herself. However, halfway, she hissed as her left wing caught on the jumper, and the cut along her side stung in protest.
Instantly, Bruce was by her side, his face worried. 'You alright?' he asked, peering down at her cut.
Penny tried to shrug, but pulled a face as the wound twinged in sharp, stabbing pain.
'Your wing…and your side…I saw you limping, too.' Bruce's tone was dark, and Penny just knew he blamed himself. She sighed exasperatedly as she tied his jumper around her waist.
'Stop it,' she growled, and brought her hand up to his face. She was aware that since the crash, he'd been hesitant to touch her, and she could only imagine what he'd been thinking along the motorbike ride…their bodies pressed right up against each other…It must have been hard, to be so close, but to not allow yourself to go any further. Penny had practically felt the unease and turmoil oozing from him.
Right now, he was looking at her solemnly, his eyebrows twitched down at the middle in a sad frown. His eyes were full of regret and guilt as they took in her bruises and wounds. If she hadn't been a little worried that she might have a concussion, Penny would have said that she saw…wanting in his eyes. But mostly, she saw regret.
And it wasn't his fault.
'Enough,' she said, pulling his chin up so that he would look at her eyes, and not her injuries. 'I'm fine.' She saw his sceptical look. 'Emotionally. Which is what you're really asking, isn't it? You can see the cut. You can see how I'm holding my wing. And my leg is bruised from where the Other Guy grabbed me. That's all.' Penny sighed. 'Evidently, I'm not physically fine, but you could already see that. So, what you're asking me…is if I'm emotionally fine. And I am,' she insisted. 'I don't blame you, at all. I hold nothing against you. I never have. But it makes me want to know – are you fine? Emotionally?' Penny paused when she remembered to whom she was talking. 'Sorry. What am I saying? Of course you're not fine. That was insensitive of me.'
Bruce frowned, and she felt his cheek move beneath her hand. 'You weren't being insensitive. You were being compassionate.' He practically choked the word out, and Penny felt her heart twinge for him. 'But, I wasn't talking about me…I was talking about you,' he continued slowly.
She rose an eyebrow. 'Studies show that when someone wants to talk about something, but don't know how to bring it up, they subconsciously – or consciously – insert the subject into conversation, but focus the topic away from themselves, in the hopes that the other person will notice.' She tapped him on the cheek lightly, to try and lighten the mood. She didn't actually know if her words held any truth, but they sounded convincing. Penny was pretty sure she'd done it a couple of times in her life, too.
Now Bruce smiled. 'But that would mean that you are the emotionally unstable one. Since you're the one who brought it up.'
'But you're the one who was originally curious about being alright,' she protested. 'And since I am alright, ipso facto – you are not.' Penny smiled now. It was a childish argument, but she felt a bit better.
Then she saw Bruce's frown return.
'I'm always fine. I have to be,' Bruce said darkly. 'And right now…Evidently, as you put it, you're not physically fine, and it's getting dark.' He cast his eyes towards the purpling sky, and Penny's gaze followed his. The sky had long since lost its pinkness, and now the sun was out of sight. He turned back to Penny and nodded. 'Come on. Let's pull into a motel. Check you out. Get some rest.'
Penny blushed at the mention of checking her out, but Bruce didn't seem to notice his choice of words. Then she remembered why they originally pulled over. 'Wait. Where are we going? That's what I asked before we pulled over.'
His mood seemed to darken even further, and his next words were quiet. 'New York, New York.'
When they eventually pulled into a dingy little motel, Penny was exhausted. Bruce knew that she wouldn't mention it, but he could tell she was fading. Her injuries were taking more out of her than she was letting on, and he could feel a dull sort of panic growing in his chest, which had been developing ever since he saw that she was injured. He needed to check to see how bad it was. How badly…he had hurt her.
He would have checked earlier, but she'd insisted that they needed to get moving. That she'd be more comfortable indoors.
He could understand that, having the added hindrance of his "condition". If he had a giant pair of wings, he wouldn't have wanted people gawking and staring at him either. Luckily, thanks to the small amount of cash provided by the guard, Bruce was able to pay for a room for them to stay in, as well as buy some medical supplies from the small shop on the corner. He'd left Penny in the room while he collected the supplies, and also bought some food. He didn't know if Penny was hungry, but he was starving.
What could he say? Gamma radiation was hard work.
Having her first shower with wings.
So. This is how it ends, Penny thought to herself as she tried to manipulate wings into the shower. She was having no luck.
Then, she realised that her wings simply weren't going to fit, and she felt a pout form on her lips. She couldn't physically fit in the tiny shower, so she had to make do with the bath and sink.
She resolved her fate to having a half-bath.
Fifteen minutes later, and she was all clean, or as clean as she could be. The motel shampoo and conditioner wasn't particularly nice, and left her hair kind of dry, but she'd washed it in the sink, so she hadn't been holding out much hope for it anyway.
She tugged Bruce's jumper back on, and debated wearing her pants, but decided it hurt too much to bend down, and since it came down to mid-thigh, his jumper was practically a dress anyway.
She squeezed her hair dry as best she could without moving her wing and cut side, but gave up and just let it hang in damp waves around her face, staining the jumper dark. It would dry by morning, she figured.
She lay down on the bed, face-down, so that she wasn't lying on her side, or her injured wing. Her mind wandered aimlessly, and she soon found herself shaking slightly. Then she realised that she didn't know why she was shaking, and brought her hand up to her face to watch it tremble.
Probably from everything that's happened. You did fall from a Helicarrier and meet the Other Guy.
That was a terrifying experience, Penny thought to herself.
She was entirely surprised that she wasn't dead. She'd thought he would kill her for sure. Imagine Penny's surprise when he'd actually helped her, instead of ripping her to pieces. She wondered why he hadn't. Maybe she could ask Bruce about it. She knew he didn't remember his time spent as the Other Guy, but perhaps he had an insight to offer.
But…he'd been so hesitant towards her since the fall. Like he didn't want to break her. Which implied that he thought she was breakable. Well. She'd just have to show him that she wasn't as fragile as he thought she was.
Soon enough, she stopped shaking, and found her eyelids drifting shut. It might have had something to do with her exhaustion, or her shock, or the blood loss. She didn't know.
All she knew was that she welcomed it.
When he got back to the room, Penny was sprawled out across the double bed – the only bed in the room, Bruce might add – on her stomach, her wings splayed out on either side of her, wearing only his jumper. Her hair was damp, and her feathers looked wet, too. She must have had a shower while he was gone. That was good. That meant that her wounds were already partly clean.
Bruce closed the door behind him, and started setting things out on the table next to the bed, trying not to wake her. God knew she needed the rest.
Once again, Bruce was able to observe her sleeping, but for some reason, she looked much less at peace than when he'd observed her earlier. She still had the frown that had been present when he'd seen her asleep last time, but now it was more pronounced. It was like she was still worrying, even in her sleep.
His gaze travelled to her legs, but not because he wanted to ogle. He could see a large, purplish mark spreading across the majority of one of her calves, almost shaped like…a hand.
But only the Other Guy would have hands that big, he thought to himself.
She did say that he grabbed her. But why? A thousand horrible scenarios played throughout his mind, most of them involving Penny trying to escape the Other Guy, and failing as he reached out to grab her leg. It was the only thing that made sense. The Other Guy didn't really do nice.
Full of regret, Bruce reached out to tuck a loose lock of hair behind her ear before remembering himself, and her eyes fluttered open sleepily.
Her gaze quickly sharped on him, and Bruce froze. He offered her a small smile by way of apology, but Penny didn't get offended. She just smiled, and brought her slender hand up to squeeze his, before releasing it and sitting up.
'Sorry. I – uh – just picked up some medical stuff,' Bruce said quickly, trying to cover up his slip in self-control. 'Bandages. Antiseptic. Medical needle and thread kit.' At the mention of a needle, Penny pulled a face.
'Needles? Really?'
He shrugged. 'I don't know how bad your cut is. Speaking of which, I'll check that out first. Make sure it doesn't get infected. Do you know what you cut it on?'
She shook her head. 'No. But I don't think it was anything metal, if you're thinking of tetanus. A shard of glass, most likely. It was certainly bleeding enough.'
Bruce tilted his head, not sure how to ask his next question without seeming rude. 'Do you mind if – uh – …Your shirt?' She seemed to understand his discomfort, and reached behind her to grab the collar of the jumper. Swiftly, she pulled it off, and Bruce had to struggle to keep his pulse calm. He could already feel it spiking nervously. It was weird. A stupid reaction that he only seemed to have when around her.
No. Enough is enough. You need to keep a handle on everything now. She's hurt, because of you – yet again – and it's your job to keep her safe.
You could have killed her, he reminded himself. Just be grateful for that you didn't, and stop wanting more.
Steeling himself, Bruce looked Penny in the eye, focussing on anything but her mostly bare body. She was wearing a different bra to earlier – the blue one he'd seen hanging on her chair – and he'd have to have been a blind man not to notice that she looked incredibly appealing in it.
But you will ignore it, he reminded himself, and held up a cloth.
'Antiseptic first,' he said quietly, and she nodded. She was watching him silently, as if gauging his reaction. She didn't look cross, just…slightly embarrassed. He wouldn't react. He'd pushed his feelings down, and pushed her away. Now…even if she was right in front of him…he wouldn't – he couldn't – act on his feelings.
She pulled on her pants, and Bruce didn't miss the flash of pain that passed over her face. He glanced away, feeling his anger towards Loki bubble to the surface. It wasn't just Bruce's fault. It was Loki's fault that Penny was hurt.
'Lie on the bed. Face down,' he instructed, and she complied, turning her face so that she could watch him while he worked. He stared down at the long cut and winced. It was about half an inch deep, and ran down along her back, from under her wing down towards her hip. It would probably need stitches. It would definitely scar. The thought made him sad.
'How bad?' she asked quietly, and he shrugged.
'Well…You're definitely going to need stitches,' he said grudgingly.
She frowned. 'Damn. Really? I guess the fact that I had to hold a towel to my side while I showered was a bit of a give-away.' She sighed. 'I'm not looking forward to this.'
'Me neither. I don't have any anaesthetic.'
Penny's face paled. Bruce felt like a monster, and shook his head. 'I'm sorry,' he began, but she glared at him.
'What did I say, Dr Banner?' she asked dangerously. Bruce almost laughed. He'd never heard her sound so threatening, perhaps only when addressing the SHIELD guards the other day.
He rose an eyebrow slowly. 'No more apologising?'
'Exactly. So just…Get on with it, I suppose.'
Bruce held up the cloth. 'I'm going to clean it first. Then we'll see about stitches.'
She nodded mutely, and then stopped moving.
Gently, Bruce dabbed at the wound, cleaning out any dirt, and making sure there were no glass shards, or other foreign bodies stuck in it. Luckily, there wasn't, so he finished relatively quickly.
Great. Now comes the fun part.
He looked down at her mournfully, and she sighed.
'Rightio,' she said in defeat. 'Please…Let's just get it over and done with quickly,' she said softly, and he nodded.
'I know how to do this. I've treated wounds worse than this before.'
She smiled. 'I really don't doubt you. I trust you. Utterly.'
Now Bruce smiled. 'Well. We'll see if you still have a good opinion of me once I'm finished.'
'I know I will.'
As he worked, Penny decided to make small talk.
She hoped it wasn't distracting him, but it was certainly distracting her from the pain of the needle.
'So…what was it like in Calcutta?' she asked.
'It was…busy,' Bruce answered. 'And technically, it's Kolkata now. Since 2001, actually.'
'Why's that?' Penny inquired, wincing at the needle pierced her skin. She bit her lip and felt a tear slip down her cheek.
No. You will not let him see you cry. It will just make him feel worse.
'Renaming places after British imperialism. Calcutta is anglicized pronunciation, Kolkata is traditional,' Bruce informed her. 'Politically, it's now Kolkata.'
'Were you…happy there?' she ventured, and felt him pull the thread through her skin. The feeling made horrible shivers travel along her spine.
'Not…happy, exactly.' He seemed to mull the thought over. 'I was safe. To a certain extent, at least. I was out of the way, and around people who didn't know about me or my condition. They didn't treat me any differently, and so…I could just get on with my job without worrying about the Other Guy. Mostly because my thoughts weren't on him.'
'I probably ruined that mindset,' Penny realised with a frown.
He laughed shortly. 'You might have ruined my mindset, but you've helped in a lot of other ways, Penny.'
'How, exactly?' she inquired. 'Every time I was around you, I nearly made you change.' She took a deep breath. 'Then, I caused you more stress by trying to use gamma to cure you, and only ended up making things worse, and gave myself wings, and I know you feel bad about everything, and it's just unfair – '
Penny was silenced by a warm hand on her mouth. She squeaked in surprise and glanced up to see Bruce staring down at her with a soft smile on his face. His free hand was over her mouth, stopping her from speaking, and after a long moment, he removed it.
He didn't say anything, though, and Penny frowned. 'What are you smiling about?' she asked, feeling her own smile grow.
The smile on Bruce's face vanished. 'Nothing,' he said. 'I just wanted you to stop apologising.'
'I wasn't – '
'Yes. You were.'
She scowled at him. 'Fine. Proceed.'
She felt him brace his hand against her back once more, although this time, it seemed softer, like he wasn't so hesitant to touch her as he had been before.
The thought made her smile through her tears as he began stitching her up again.
It took him a little while, but he managed to sew up Penny's cut quite quickly, considering how long the wound was. As soon as he started, she'd turned her head to the side, not facing him. For the first half of the process, he wondered why, but then he realised that she was sparing him. Turning so that he wouldn't see her cry.
When he'd been halfway, she turned to him when he put his hand over her mouth, and he saw her red eyes, puffy – the evidence of tears – and his heart broke. He'd made those tears.
Now that he was finished, she was looking at him once more, and he saw the tear stains on her face.
'Shut up,' she growled, wiping furiously at her tears, before he could say anything.
'I didn't say anything,' he protested, putting the bloody cloth and needle in the bin.
'But you were thinking it. And it was annoying, because it's not your fault. You're helping me. It just hurt. That's all.'
'You did well. You didn't even make a sound,' he said softly. 'I'm sorry…' – a glare from Penny – '…that it hurt you.' I'm not sorry for anything else. Just that it hurt you,' he lied quickly. He was sorry for a lot of things, but it seemed to upset her when he apologised, so he kept his regrets to himself.
'It's fine…It's just been a long day,' she said with a sigh. 'Even though I slept for most of it.' She frowned. 'God, Bruce. When was the last time you slept?'
He shrugged. 'Don't worry about me,' he said, and she stared at him. 'Yesterday,' he divulged under her persistent gaze.
'Being unconscious doesn't count, Bruce,' she said, her tone warning slightly.
'A couple of days ago, then, I guess.'
'For how long?' she inquired, folding her arms across her chest. Bad decision.
Bruce managed to keep his eyes on her face, however, although he struggled to form a coherent sentence. 'I – uh – a couple of hours,' he said honestly. Please uncross your arms.
'After this, you are sleeping,' she said confidently, and uncrossed her arms. Thankfully. 'As you are still my patient, until SHIELD tells me otherwise, I am your doctor. And I'm telling you: this is what you need. Sleep.'
He frowned. 'Alright. But first, I need to talk to you.' He remembered the file on her parents, and disliked the thought of discussing it with her, but knew he had to. It was wrong for him to keep it a secret.
'You can talk while you take a look at my wing,' she insisted, and tilted her head. 'Can't you?'
He didn't say anything, and although her eyes widened marginally, she didn't push him for a response. 'Can you stretch out your wing?' he asked quietly, and she tried to comply, stretching it out about halfway, before she hissed in pain.
'No further,' she winced, and he nodded.
'I'm just going to have a feel around. See if I can find what's wrong.'
He ran his fingers along the bones of her injured wing, relishing the soft, silky feel of her feathers, whilst scolding himself that he shouldn't. He paused when she made a small sound of pain, and ran his fingers along the length of bone beneath his fingers.
'Here?' he asked, and Penny nodded. 'Well, this is your radius, if I recall my avian biology correctly. It doesn't feel like a break. You'd be in more pain if it were. Unfortunately, there's not a lot I can do about it.' He paused. '…Bandage it so that you can't move your wing, and then don't use it, is what I'd suggest if it were a break or fracture.'
'I think I might have fractured it,' she agreed, 'when the Other Guy – '
Bruce's head snapped up. 'Did I hurt do this?'
'No,' she assured him, and shook her head. 'It was me. I was trying to get your attention, but my wing was trapped under a pylon. I stretched, and heard something crack.' Bruce felt his frown deepen. 'Bruce. The Other Guy helped me. He pulled the pipe off. I would have been trapped otherwise,' she told him.
He felt the surprise register on his face. 'You didn't mention that earlier.'
Penny smiled. 'I don't know how many times you saved me when we were under attack, Bruce. It was a lot. First, you got me out. Then, you protected me from bullets when SHIELD…'
She stopped, and her smile turned into a glare. It surprised Bruce, since he was unaccustomed to seeing anything other than a smile, or cute frown on her face. This scowl was full of hate. 'SHIELD started shooting at you. And I was there,' she growled quietly.
'How did you…?'
'You protected me. You stepped in front of the bullets, and then used a piece of plane to shield me.'
Bruce tried not to let his shock show. The Other Guy didn't shield people from bullets.
'But it was SHIELD who were shooting at me?' was his next question, and Penny glared at the ground.
'I am going to be having some serious words with Nick Fury when I see him next. I do suspect that I'm going to be quite cross with him.'
Bruce smirked. 'You? Cross? I find that hard to imagine.'
'Do you see this scowl?' she asked, although her frown broke into a huge grin. 'And you even saved me before we fell. You grabbed me, when I jumped onto the fighter jet from the Helicarrier, and – '
'You jumped onto a fighter jet?' Bruce exclaimed, and Penny's eyes widened. Bruce felt his heart rate spike at the thought of her putting herself in harm's way. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on breathing.
'Hey. Bruce. It's okay. I'm still here,' she said soothingly, and took a step towards him, putting her hand on his arm. He kept his eyes shut until he felt her fingers smooth out the wrinkles at the bridge of his nose, erasing the frown from his face. 'Look at me, Bruce,' she said quietly, and he opened his eyes.
'There you go,' she smiled, and stroked his cheek gently. 'All fine. I'm okay. Because of you, I'm okay.' She bent down to pull up the leg of her trousers slightly, displaying a mottled, giant, hand-shaped bruise wrapping around her calf and ankle – the one Bruce had seen earlier. She stood up again, letting the fabric fall back down. 'You stopped me from falling, and then pulled me away just before the plane exploded. That's why my leg hurts. I believe the bruise is worth the whole not dying thing. Then, we fell…and you know the rest. You threw me into a hay bale to break my fall, while you fell into the building. Bruce…' Her eyes were imploring. 'I would be dead if it weren't for you.'
His pulse still racing, Bruce pulled away from her and grabbed the bandages from the table. He didn't want to think about the Other Guy doing something good. It just didn't work like that. Bruce knew from experience.
Wordlessly, he motioned for her to spin around, and she complied, but not before he saw the hurt in her eyes. He felt a huge stab of guilt wedge its way into his heart and stay there. It wasn't that he didn't believe her…It was that he couldn't. He couldn't believe that the Other Guy was good… Because that would be…admitting that he felt something other than hate for him.
Gently, he folded Penny's wing back until it was pressed close to her back, and then bandaged it in place firmly, but not too tight. He wrapped the bandage over the injured wing, and under the uninjured one, so that the unharmed one would still be mobile.
He found the process of running his fingers over her skin quite calming, and after a while, felt his unease and frustration ebb away a little. He progressed from actions of stiff movement to more gentle ones, although his pulse was still beating a nervous staccato at the thought of her being…
No. Not dead. Never dead.
At the thought of her being…anything other than right in front of him.
He refused to think of what it would be like if she died.
Once he was done, he handed her his jumper, and helped her tug it on. He could feel her sad gaze on him, and it made him uncomfortable, but also happy at the same time. It was for the same reason he'd smiled earlier. He was so unused to somebody caring about him.
Eventually, he risked looking up at her face, and found himself captivated by her green eyes. They were wide, and full of concern.
And it killed Bruce to see them that way.
Bruce stared into her pretty green eyes for a while longer, letting them overwhelm him until felt his pulse beating steadily. He risked something, and cautiously reached up to grab her wrists, wrapping his hands around hers, holding them to his chest. Then, he leant forward and pressed his forehead against hers, staring at her silently, willing her to see that he wasn't angry with her. Just struggling to accept that he might have done something good.
She didn't pull back, and she didn't push him away. In fact…Penny was incredibly still, like the slightest movement might startle Bruce, or make him change.
'I'm alright,' he assured softly. 'I just…Don't do that again.'
'Do what?' she whispered.
'Don't…' His hands tightened around hers unintentionally. 'Specifically?… Don't jump off a Helicarrier, thousands of feet above the ground. Generally… Don't risk your life again, like that. I couldn't… I couldn't bear it if something happened to you.'
She bit her lip sadly, and it was almost enough to break Bruce's self-restraint. It was taking all his concentration not to kiss her, to try and make her see that she needed to stay safe… She mattered too much.
'But I couldn't bear it if something happened to you,' she said softly.
Bruce's resolve shattered, and he closed the distance between their mouths, bringing his lips to meet hers. She froze, but only momentarily. Bruce's hands let go of her wrists, one coming to rest gently her neck, the other on her back. He felt the shape of her feathers beneath her jumper, and smiled against her mouth. Cupping her cheek gently, he tugged her closer to him, so that their bodies pressed together, allowing no space between them.
Penny tilted her head to the side to deepen the kiss, and Bruce's grip on her tightened involuntarily. He felt a hot fire shoot throughout his body, and was well aware that his pulse had spiked again, as soon as her lips had touched his. But he didn't care. He needed her. He needed her to know that he hadn't meant what he'd said earlier…earlier on the Helicarrier. He'd tried to stay away, but he just couldn't. He'd said their relationship wouldn't work, but in that moment, kissing her, he didn't care.
He ignored the little voice in the back of his mind warning that he couldn't have relationships. That he couldn't get involved, that he couldn't get close. He ignored it all.
Penny slowly brought her hands up, so that her delicate fingers laced through his hair, and he groaned slightly. He wouldn't be able to keep this up for much longer. His pulse was erratic, and the Other Guy was right by the surface, trying to take over.
But Bruce couldn't bring himself to stop.
It was Penny who pulled away first, although Bruce kept his grip tight on her, not allowing her to take more than half a step backwards. She stared up at him with those wide, green eyes, her lips slightly swollen, parted in a shocked smile as she inhaled short breaths of air. Bruce had to scrunch his eyes shut in an effort not to kiss her again. In an effort to restrain the Other Guy.
He felt her forehead rest against his, and could smell her right in front of him – like daisies – and he focussed on breathing.
In…and out. Calm down.
'Are you alright?' she asked shakily, and he managed a nod.
'Just…give me a moment.'
Her hands were now resting around his neck, and slowly, he opened his eyes to stare at her. As soon as he saw her, he wanted to pick her up and kiss her until she was breathless, but she also calmed him. If he just focussed on her eyes, he could steady his breathing.
'Penny. I'm sorry. I was wrong earlier,' he managed to say after another moment of silence. This time, she didn't even protest against his apology, and as his hand rested on her neck, he could feel her pulse fluttering nervously, or with excitement – he didn't know. Did he really have that effect on her?
'Wrong how?' she murmured.
'I said we couldn't work. But I…I was wrong. I tried, but I'm not prepared to give you up. So…' He took a breath. Everything depended on the answer to his next question. 'Can you forgive me for saying that?'
She stared at him, her head tilted to the side in a bird-like manner. 'I think you've already redeemed yourself, Bruce. But…' now she smiled slowly, 'I'll forgive you anyway. On one condition.'
'Anything,' he breathed.
'Promise me that this is the last time you'll ever apologise to me,' she requested, her eyes sparkling. 'You've experienced enough regret for a lifetime, and I knew what I was getting into when I – '
'I'm pretty sure I remember the exact opposite happening,' Bruce interrupted. 'You didn't even know who I was when we met.'
Penny rolled her eyes. 'I mean I knew what I was getting into, after that. When I agreed to help you, knowing what you were.'
Bruce smiled softly. 'Alright. I accept. As long as you promise the same. No more being apologetic for everything you do. You practically apologise for breathing, Penny. I'll be fine with you around me. I've got a handle on the Other Guy.'
She rose an eyebrow. 'Really? Because that's not what I saw a few seconds ag – '
Bruce interrupted her by pressing a quick, gentle kiss to her lips. When he pulled back, she didn't speak, just smiled at him.
'I will be fine,' he insisted. 'You don't have to worry about me.'
'Wrong,' she said quietly. 'I'll promise no more apologising, but I reserve the right to be worried about you.'
He narrowed his eyes at her. 'Sure I can't convince you?' he said slowly, and saw her blush. He bent down to kiss her cheek, stroking her neck lightly. 'I love your blush,' he murmured against her skin.
'I – uh, um – I'm sure that you…I-I'm sure that you could convince me, but…' she stuttered, and Bruce grinned, pulling back.
'I'm joking,' he said, and she nodded mutely. Then he became serious. 'Because…You realise…I…' he frowned. 'I can't…I couldn't…If I get too…' He found himself stumbling over words, and Penny shook her head.
'Bruce. It's alright. I understand. Really. Strictly on kissing terms only,' she said with a light smile. 'Bruce,' she tilted her head at his frown. 'I'm just happy that you'd let me in this close. I don't care about more…I mean…Not really. Not right now. Just as long as you're happy. I don't know if you've realised, but I'd do anything to help you, SHIELD or no SHIELD. Anything to make you happy.'
'Well…' Bruce managed. 'You wouldn't have to do much. Existing in the first place seems to have worked pretty well,' he shrugged. 'Like I said. You're perfect.'
Penny felt her cheeks flame once more, and wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him close to bury her face against his chest.
He kissed me.
He. Kissed. Me.
Penny hid her grin in his shirt, and felt him rest his chin on the top of her head.
'I pushed you away…because I didn't want you to get hurt. I guess I'm just selfish, since my resolve completely shattered a few moments ago…' he said quietly, and Penny pulled back.
'No. There's a better reason,' she said fiercely. 'You wouldn't just let yourself go for something like selfishness…'
He nodded. 'Yeah. I guess you're kinda right. I do know why.'
'Why?' she asked, curious.
'Because you care about me.'
That simple sentence made Penny's eyes cloud with tears. 'It's why I was smiling earlier,' he continued. 'I realised that you really care. And…it's not something many people…' His voice was thick, and he cleared his throat. 'It's not something that many people have done recently. Care for me, that is.'
Penny felt her heart swell with love for the man in front of her. He'd spent so long pushing people away, not letting himself get close. All he wanted was to be close to someone. All he wanted was for someone to care.
Well then. She would bloody well be that someone.
'Of course I care about you, Bruce. How could I not?' she smiled softly.
'Uh, do the terms: unstable, liability, dangerous, volatile and monster mean anything to you?' he asked with a light puff of laughter.
'Of course. But you're not a monster, and I believe I can handle those other words. I think living with those words is more than worth it, if it means being with you. And, you know, other words like…brilliant, genius, wonderful, kind, handsome and caring kinda come to mind when I think of you, actually.' At this, he smiled the same beautiful smile that Penny had first fallen for.
'I want to help, Bruce,' she continued. 'I wanted to before, and I still do now. I mean… SHIELD are probably going to fire me for stuffing up…But however I can help…I'll always be here for you. All you have to do is ask.'
'You have no idea how happy that makes me,' Bruce said quietly, and pressed his lips to her hair. He pulled his arms around her waist tighter, although he made sure that he didn't crush her injured wing. Penny felt a shiver run down her spine. His voice did something wonderful to her. It was all mellow tones and honey, and it made her feel warm in all the right places.
'You have no idea how happy it makes me – that you've let me be this close,' Penny countered, and rested her face against the crook of his neck. He was warm, and she felt safe and she just wanted to stay there forever.
Unfortunately, forever wasn't an option.
They stood like that for a bit longer before Bruce eventually pulled away.
'How's your back?' he asked quietly.
'It's alright. Hurts a bit. So glad I had a shower earlier, though. I was all gross.'
'I wasn't going to say anything, but…' Bruce grinned boyishly, and Penny stuck her tongue out at him.
'Well, you certainly need one, too. I'm not the one who fell through the building. You've got a particular tinge of dirty grey about you,' she gestured with her hand and he nodded.
'I don't doubt it,' he laughed, and his eyes shone with mischief as he shook his head like a dog. Penny squeaked, pulling away from him to avoid the cloud of grey dust that departed from his hair.
Bruce grinned and grabbed her arm, pulling her back close to him. He brought his mouth down to kiss her hotly, and Penny gasped against his mouth. His tongue slid between her lips and she tasted dust and sweetness.
It didn't last long, however, and he pulled back after few seconds. Although when he did, Bruce was grinning a 100-Watt smile. 'Sorry – not sorry. I was just trying something.'
Penny narrowed her eyes at him. 'I just had…a half-bath!' she protested, brushing her hands over herself, trying to get rid of the dust he'd shed.
'A half-bath?' Bruce inquired, an eyebrow quirked up as his smile grew.
'Well, I couldn't have a shower because of my wing. I couldn't…' She blushed deeply. 'I couldn't fit. My wings wouldn't fit in the shower.'
Bruce's grin widened even further. 'I'm sure it was the shower's fault. It was probably too small,' he said understandingly.
Penny's pout disappeared. 'That's right. So, I had to settle for a semi-bath thing. I washed my hair in the sink, hence the horrendous mess that it is currently in.'
'What you and I consider to be horrendous messes are clearly different,' Bruce observed. 'Since what you call a horrendous mess, I would call…adorably sexy.' He ducked down to press another kiss to Penny's mouth, and she rolled her eyes, trying to cover her blush.
'You taste like rubble,' she mumbled, and sat down on the bed, placing her hands in her lap so as to hide them as she fidgeted. 'And I didn't realise somebody could be…adorably sexy,' she ventured after a moment, making Bruce grin.
'Well, you're already defying the laws of nature, so why not just go the whole nine yards and be adorably sexy?' Bruce leant up and kissed her on the cheek, making her go even redder.
'Bruce,' she whispered, and then pulled her legs up so she could bury her head in her knees, hiding her face. 'I look like a tomato.'
'I love tomatoes,' he said easily, and Penny felt Bruce push her knees back down, trying to coax her back out of her shell of embarrassment. Penny quickly collapsed on the bed, pressing her face against the covers, trying to calm her flaming cheeks. After a second, she felt Bruce get off the bed, and could hear the smile in his voice when he next spoke. 'I'm going to have a shower. Do you think that'll give you enough time to stop being a vegetable?'
Penny felt her cheeks reach entirely new levels of redness. 'No…' she moaned into the quilt. 'I'll always be a tomato,' she said sorrowfully, and heard Bruce laugh.
'Well, too bad. I'm actually okay with that. I'll be out in a moment.'
He closed the door, and Penny let out a giant sigh. She felt so…embarrassed around him, sometimes. He made her so happy, but at the same time, she was so unused to someone complimenting her. Sure, she knew she was kind of pretty, but she wasn't receiving compliments and flirtatious advances from every second man that passed her by. Her shy nature prevented that from happening. Whenever someone did approach her, she just felt entirely too scared to accept their offer of a date, or a drink, or of spending time together. What if they didn't like her? What if they did? What if they did, and then found some kind of fault in her?
Ugh. I never used to be like this, Penny thought to herself. She used to be utterly at peace with herself. She used to be bold, she used to take risks. She used to not squeak. But all that had sort of…worn away as she got older, and instead of getting bolder, she kind of…reverted. She got shyer and shyer.
Which was why Bruce was so special. He saw past all the shyness and somehow got a glimpse of the girl beneath. Perhaps it was part of the weird protective feeling Penny had around him, but when she was in his presence, she felt a thousand times stronger, like she could handle anything.
…Except his compliments.
His compliments just made her blush.
Bruce was more than grateful for the hot shower. Penny hadn't been exaggerating. He was a particularly unappealing shade of grey, after falling through the building.
He was standing in the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, contemplating what it was that Penny saw in him, exactly. He was a monster that put her in harm's way. He was a giant thing that had the potential to utterly destroy her.
And yet…still, whenever he thought that the Other Guy might hurt Penny, the angry presence in his mind snarled in disgust. As if he couldn't believe that Bruce would ever think such a thing.
'Hey, I have no problem with you wanting her safe,' he murmured to himself in the mirror. He frowned at the grey hairs he could see amongst his darker waves and exhaled sharply. The stress wasn't doing great things for him.
And you've still got to talk to Penny about her parents, he reminded himself.
With a sigh, he pulled on the boxers he'd bought at the supermarket. While going commando was well and good for some people, Bruce didn't fancy it when he still had to ride a motorbike for several more hours.
He yanked on the shirt and trousers he'd been wearing earlier, but although he'd tried to shake out as much dust as possible, they were still dirty. Oh, well.
He walked back out into the main room to find Penny in exactly the same position he'd left her.
'You less of a tomato yet?' he inquired, figuring that he could ease into the subject of her parents. He didn't want to ruin the good night. Because, it had been a good night. He'd kissed her and…and she'd been alright with that. She'd been more than alright.
Penny huffedinto the quilt and Bruce rolled his eyes. She would be the death of him.
Bruce lay down on the other side of her and slowly slid an arm around her waist, letting it settle against her stomach. He felt her freeze, and he brushed his thumb against her navel gently, letting her know it was alright.
Slowly, she turned to face him, and Bruce grinned.
'I guess not,' he smiled at her rosy cheeks, and she buried her face in his shoulder with a tiny cry of defeat.
'Ugh! This is ridiculous. I hate my cheeks,' she said grumpily, and Bruce wrapped his arm around her back slightly tighter, pulling her closer to him.
'Your blush is one of my favourite things in the world,' Bruce said softly, and she didn't react. 'Do you wanna know why?'
'Not really,' she murmured, but Bruce let her know anyway.
'Because I know that I made that happen. I know that somebody in this world feels like they can be normal around me, that they're comfortable enough to blush around me.'
'Pretty sure blushing is a sign of being uncomfortable, Bruce,' she pointed out.
'Not when most people I talk to spend the entire time trying to figure out how they would survive, if the Other Guy decided to make an appearance,' he protested. 'You've never once thought like that about me. Ever.'
Penny pulled back from him and stared up with wide eyes. 'But…Bruce,' she took a deep breath. 'You've got to know…I have been scared. I mean, at first, I was a bit scared of what would happen if you changed, with SHIELD…but then I realised…for a split second – after you'd changed…that I was terrified. I won't lie to you. I thought I was going to die.'
He frowned slightly, and felt sadness slice through his heart like a dull blade. 'Penny, if you weren't scared, I'd be far more worried,' he said. It was the truth, but that didn't make it hurt any less. 'And I don't care if you were scared before – if you're thinking that this changes how I think of you. It doesn't. If it kept you alive, then I'm grateful.'
'But I'm not scared now,' Penny said quickly, and brought a hand up to his cheek. 'As soon as the Other Guy helped me, I wasn't scared. I'm fine now.'
'I know…' Bruce frowned. 'And that should bother me, because you should be scared. I don't have any control over him. But…the Other Guy…He really doesn't want to hurt you. In fact, he hates the idea of you getting hurt.'
Penny's free wing twitched slightly, and Bruce smiled. 'What was that for?' he asked.
She shrugged, her cheeks glowing once more.
'Uh…my stomach rumbled,' she said weakly.
Bruce rose an eyebrow. 'Right…It has nothing to do with me talking about the Other Guy feeling protective of you?' he asked.
Her wing twitched again.
Bruce brought a hand up to Penny's cheek and smoothed it over. 'Tell me what you're thinking,' he requested softly. He needed to know how she felt. He had to know if she was truly able to relax around him. If not…then he wouldn't really be surprised. But she seemed so…calm, usually, despite knowing about the Other Guy.
'I'm thinking that I'm starving…' she said elusively, and Bruce let it go. He'd get the truth out of her, one way or another. She knew it was important to him.
'I got some kind of salad and a mystery pie,' he said, reaching over to grab the food. 'But I only grabbed one fork.'
Penny's smile returned. 'I think we're past that, don't you?' she observed, and he chuckled.
'Yeah, I guess so.' He popped open the lid of the salad and passed it to her while he brought out the mystery pie. Once they'd taken a few bites each, swapping the fork every few mouthfuls, he broke the silence, continuing. 'And that's why I want you to know that you can tell me anything. You can tell me how you feel about the Other Guy. Trust me when I say that I'll understand any viewpoint that you have.'
Penny was silent, and she stared pensively at the mouthful of pie – no longer a mystery, but in fact chicken – as if it were the cause of all her problems.
'Please tell me what you're thinking. Don't shut me out on this,' Bruce begged, and her gaze flickered to his.
'I feel…I'm not quite sure,' she said eventually. 'I guess…that I feel all jittery and weird when you say that the Other Guy feels protective. It's…I can't help but think of…' Something about her face clicked for Bruce. He'd seen that look before.
'Betty?' he inquired. 'You think this is about Betty Ross?'
Penny gave a tiny nod. 'But only because the Other Guy's never displayed behaviour like this, unless it was around her. I don't understand…I mean… I do look like her, kinda. It must have been more than a little disconcerting for the Other Guy to see me. Maybe that was part of SHIELD's original plan. They had me there because I look like her, and would maybe calm you down or something if you changed.'
A shadow passed over Bruce's face.
SHIELD has more than a few things to answer for.
Something about his demeanour changed, and Penny frowned. Had she said something wrong?
'Bruce? Are you okay?' she asked quietly, and reached up to smooth out the frown between his eyebrows. He pulled away at the last second, and Penny's hand dropped to her side, rejected. 'What's wrong?' she inquired, and felt a nervousness bubble up in her chest. Something about him had changed.
'Penny…' he said slowly, and took one of her hands in his. 'There's something I have to tell you about your parents.'
AN:
SO.
Bloody hell, that was a long chapter. I mean, like 9500 words. Blimey. I'm a little tired now.
BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOYED READING IT. I ENJOYED WRITING IT. I mean, yay for Bruce/Penny. And things. And I fiddled with the timeline a bit, since I reckon it would have taken a day or so for Bruce to get back to New York from where he fell. I dunno. Maybe I'm taking liberties, but I don't think it's too far of a stretch.
Please let me know what you thought of this chapter! I really love reading all your reviews, even if I don't get around to responding to them all – for that, I am sorry. But I shall try harder (it's a little promise I've made myself, since you're all being so lovely :D )
So, yes. Hope you enjoyed!
Until next time,
Xxx
~Fen~