September 24, 1922:
I'm restless. It's odd, that I should be anxiously waiting the day when Matthew tells me that James has come to kill me. But it promises change, and a chance to begin again. Right now my life is stagnant. I'm completely tired of this life. Anything is better than being locked in a windowless cell in an insane asylum, with no one to care about me save the man who may, despite his best efforts, end up killing me. After all of the thought that went in to this decision, I'm ready for something to happen because of it.
I'm anxious to be attacked by a homicidal maniac. Perhaps I've lost my mind after all.
September 25, 1922:
There is nothing to write about. Nothing happened today, and nothing is going to happen either (I checked). I looked back and re-read everything I wrote earlier. I tried, in vain, to remember my sister's face. I thought about George for a while, before the memory of his death became too painful. I thought of some more questions to ask Matthew the next time he comes to visit me:
-Can we be killed at all, and if so, how?
-Will my visions stop?
-Will the change make me any taller? (I kind of doubt it, but it's worth a shot. That would be nice.)
-How good are my chances of surviving the transformation? I can't forget what happened to the last person Matthew "saved."
I don't know what to believe anymore about an afterlife, but I hope that George is at peace wherever he is.
September 26, 1922:
Matthew came back today, and for once he answered my questions. It's still strange to hear him being honest with me. I do appreciate it greatly.
Matthew's answers:
-We are nearly indestructible, but it is possible for us to be killed. The only way is dismemberment. Lovely.
-The change makes our dominant characteristics stronger, so Matthew believes my visions will continue and I will be able to see more and farther into the future. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.
-Unfortunately, this is as tall as I'm going to get.
-Matthew told me that I'd be more likely to know if I'd survive than he would, and asked me if I could see the transformation. I can't.
Right before he left, I thought of one more question, and called after Matthew as he was walking to the door. "Do we have to kill people?"
He turned around and looked at me intently, surprised. "I…to be honest, Alice, I'm not sure," he admitted. "I'd never considered any other possibility. Animals don't appeal to me at all."
He's over two hundred years old, and I asked him a question he'd never heard before. I feel a sense of pride in that.
September 27, 1922:
It's going to happen tomorrow. I saw it. Matthew and James were fighting again, but I couldn't see who was winning. Somehow, I know it will be tomorrow. Despite my brave words before, I'm terribly nervous. I don't know who will live and who will die, and it scares me to death. The not knowing. I suppose I'm spoiled, knowing more about the future than most, that when I don't know it's even more frustrating.
This is it, the beginning and the end. I don't know what to say or how I should feel. I'm nervous, obviously. This could all go horribly wrong. James could kill Matthew, or Matthew could kill me. The odds are probably stacked against me. If only I could see the outcome. It worries me that I can't, but I won't dwell on that.
I can't say I'm excited, because there is too much fear. But I'm ready. I'm ready for this life to be over, one way or the other. My family is gone and forgotten; I have no friends. Matthew is the only one tying me to this life, and he will usher me into the next one.
I never imagined myself here, poised on the edge between life and death, between reality and a world so fantastic that most people would doubt its existence. It's not the life I would have chosen for myself. But we never get to choose, do we? These are the cards I've been dealt, and now I'm going to play them.
The stakes are high. I'm playing with my life, and possibly my soul. But I like it. There's something incredibly freeing about risking everything. Maybe after my transformation is complete, I'll head to Las Vegas. Once I can stand to be around humans. I wonder how long it will take…it better not be two hundred and fifty years. After all of this solitude, I need to be around people.
This may be my last entry before my transformation. I can't wait until I have more to report.
A/N: There will be at least one more chapter, and I think I'm going to have Matthew write something in her journal as well. The sequel will be up as a separate story.
Also, in case you were wondering why neither Alice nor Matthew ever uses the word "vampire": Bram Stoker's Dracula hadn't been around very long, and anyway, the Twilight vampires bear very little resemblance to the typical vampire.