A/N: Hello again lovelies. I am sorry that I have not written on this story in AGES! I can not promise that updates will be frequent, but I am hoping to at least finish this story. I have a few ideas for future chapters. I made this one extra long since it has been so long since I have updated it. I hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 12-

2190 Days...

I rolled over in bed and flopped my head down on the pillow and ran my hand over other side of the bed; it was cold, telling me its occupant had been up for a long time. It was too quiet in the house; I hated it when it was quiet. It allowed my mind to remember; but I didn't want to remember. I wanted to forget. It hurt too much to remember. I wanted to move on, but I couldn't move on.

I couldn't tear my eyes from where I had seen Ashton, my heart was pounding hard in my chest. Why was he in Hemlock Grove?

"We were cautious, sweetheart." My mother reassured me. "There is no way he could have figured out where we were going."

"Well, you were obviously not cautious enough." I bit back at my mother more out of frustration than anything. "I need to find him." I was about to go in the direction he would have had to go for me not to see him.

"Hey, Wren?" Peter found his way over to us. I pulled my eye from emptiness of the sidewalk for the first time in nearly five minutes. "Are you okay?" He must have been able to tell I was upset.

"No. Ashton is here." I could feel bile rising in the back of my throat. I had been having nightmares about him for weeks and it made my anxiety about him being there even worse.

"Tall, blonde. Built like an ice box?" Peter questioned. I stared back at him, how had he known. "He approached me and told me to stay away from you. Said something about you burning. Figured he was someone Ryan had set up to it. But from the look on your face, it wasn't." The concern in his eyes said it all. Peter was there when I woke up screaming, he knew.

Tears fell from my eyes. I ached deep within my chest. Had I known then, what I knew now I would have done things so much differently that day. I would have found and killed Ashton without hesitation, but instead I let him go. I showed him mercy and I paid the ultimate price. It was the six-year anniversary of the day my life changed forever. As much as I hated to admit it, I still hurt like it was the day it happened.

"I love you so much Arenda." Peter whispered into my ear as I dozed off to sleep. We had just had an amazing night together. I couldn't have been happier, life couldn't have been better. It had been nearly a month since we graduated, and Peter had officially moved in with me. I had never been more in love.

I woke the next morning to the sun shining on my face. Its warmth filled me up and I smiled as I stretched out on my bed. I ran my hand over to the side of the bed where Peter had been, it was cold. I opened my eyes and sat up thinking he had probably got up to make us some coffee or food. But, neither of which I could smell.

"Peter?" I called out. There wasn't a response. A frown crossed my face, it was so unlike him to just leave without saying good bye. He probably didn't want to wake me. I dressed and made my way down to the kitchen, perhaps he left me a note. Nothing, there was nothing on the counter, on the bathroom mirror or on the living room table. Confusion, rushed over me followed by panic. A feeling of panic that I had never experience before even when I had nearly drained Ashton of all his blood.

I rushed back up to my room and grabbed my phone. I called Peter's cell. It rang and rang; he didn't pick up. His voicemail said, it was full. I sent him a text, asking him where he was. No response.

I called Roman next, scared that he wasn't going to pick up as well, was everything I had faced just been a lovely dream? And now I was waking up to find it was all just a lie? Roman answered after the second ring.

"Hey." His voice was thick with sleep.

"Is Peter with you?" I asked anxiously.

"Um…nope just some brunette." I could hear the smirk in his voice. "Why? Did you lose track of him?" He was joking but he couldn't even fathom the truth I was dealing with.

"I'm serious Roman. He was here last night." I said as I grabbed my keys; purse and made my way back down stairs. "I really fucking worried. He didn't answer his phone and he still hasn't texted me back. It is so unlike him. He didn't leave me a note." I thought about the previous night; was he acting strangely, and I hadn't noticed?

"I'm sure he is just home or with Destiny." Roman tried to reassure me.

"I am going to call Destiny right now. Let me know if you hear from him, okay?" I said before I hung up and called Destiny, but she didn't answer. I left a message for her to call me when she got a few minutes.

It wasn't long before I reached Peter's house. Lynda's car was not parked in its usual spot on the side of the road. As I made my way down the stairs to their trailer my heart beat hard and fast in my chest. I prayed to which ever God would hear me, that Peter would be there.

My bedroom door opened, and the maid walked in, she flushed red as she caught me in such a vulnerable situation.

"I'm so sorry Miss Lawson, I didn't realize you were still in bed." Her brown hair was pulled back in a tight pony tail and she was wearing khaki pants and a blue polo shirt. She turned and left the room as rapidly as she came in.

I was grateful for the reprieve from my memories. They hurt so much that it made it hard for me to breath.

"Wren, come on, you're frozen." Roman tried to make me stand up from the position I had been sitting in for…I don't know how long I had been there. Was it moments, hours, days, weeks? I didn't feel anything but alone. "Wren!" He shook me roughly.

I finally looked up at him with blank eyes. I no longer had any tears left to cry. "He's gone." Was all I could mutter.

"I know. Come on Wren, let me get you home." Roman helped me up from the ground.

I couldn't take it anymore, it was pure torture. I made myself get up and shower. Nothing good was going to come from me lying in bed all day and feeling sorry for myself. After my shower I stood and stared at myself in the mirror. How I had changed over the last six years. I no longer had the same shine that I did when I was 18. Then again, I lost the one person I would have moved mountains for. Lost, that was a joke; he had just up and left me with no explanation. It has been six years since I had spoke to him.

"Hello beautiful." Roman smiled, as I walked out of the bathroom and back into our room.

"Talking to yourself again?" I smirked as I sat down on our bed and slipped on my heels.

"Always." Roman said as he kissed my head. "How are you doing?"

He knew damn well how I was doing, it was the same every year and it never got any easier. "I'm fine. Got my cry out. Now let's move on." I lied. I hurt, I hurt deeply.

"After all these years you should know better than to lie to me." I gave him a questioning look. "You're a bad liar, Wren. But I will pretend you're fine if that is what you want." Roman stood up and started out of the room. "By the way, Lydia wants to see you before you leave, for whatever you are going to do today."

"Alright." I started out of the room, but stopped in the doorway effectively blocking Roman from exiting. I wrapped my arms around him needing to feel some closeness to him. He had been there for me when I nearly end my life. He had helped through some of the roughest moments in my life. I loved him, and I needed him to know that. "Roman, I love you. You know, that right?" I searched his green eyes.

"I know. You showed me how much you loved me last night." He smirked, and it went straight to my loins. Roman's teeth nipped lightly at my bare collar bone. "We're going to go and get some drinks tonight."

I salivated at the word drinks. I knew he meant blood. "Sounds delicious." I smiled.

Roman had killed a person once; he tried to drink from them…really there wasn't a pretty way of doing it. We had fangs, but they ripped flesh; they weren't like they movies where they just punctured enough to drink. So, we had now opted for a blood bank that didn't ask questions when Roman had asked to buy large amounts of blood from them. He may have provided them with a substantial amount of money monthly to not ask questions.

"I'll ask Destiny if Lydia can hang with her for a few hours tonight. If you're okay with that." I mentioned as we walked towards the kitchen.

"What about Emberly?" Roman asked me.

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to face him. No way in hell, I was letting that nosy skank back in my house. "You have to fucking kidding me. I will not allow her back into our house ever again. Not after she tried to make a move on you. I mean I get it, you're hot, cocky and you have money. But she was also snooping the last time she was here." I shook my head. We had too much riding on our privacy. It was just Roman and I anymore, we had Lydia to think about.

Roman smirked at me. "So, you think I'm hot?" He surprised me by pulling my body flush against his.

"Is that all you heard? I also said you were cocky. I mean the only reason I am still here is because of your money." I teased. He knew the truth. He meant more to me than any of that. I would have been with him if he had no money. He was the only one who understood. I wasn't the only one who had lost Peter.

Roman placed his lips on mine, his kiss was warm and inviting. "As long as I know where we stand." His kissed my nose.

"MOMMMMMY!" A little voice yelled from the kitchen.

"Ah, my master is calling me." I teased as Roman released me. "I can drive her to school today."

Roman lead the way to the kitchen. "Are you sure?" He asked looking back at me. I was sure he was wondering if my mental state was stable enough.

"Yes, I am sure. I am not going to break. Like I said I had my cry and now let's move on." Sure, I was going to do what I did every year; I would go back to the place I realized I was alone. But then I would come back home to my family and try to push the pain out of life for another year. It never got any easier. "Hi baby." I kissed the top of Lydia's head as I entered the kitchen.

"Hi Mommy." She smiled up at me from the picture she was drawing, her blue eyes shined happily. "Look, I drew a picture of our family." She held up the picture and began to point out to me who each one of the people were. "Here is you, me and daddy. That is our house. Here is Auntie Shelley and Destiny."

"And what is this right here?" I pointed to a dog like figure sitting next to Lydia in the picture. It was a black large breed dog, shepherd like.

"My puppy." She smirked at me and then at Roman.

Lydia had been asking for a dog for months. Roman and I had talked it over and decided to get her one on her birthday which was coming up soon. "Oh, your puppy? Lydia do you think you are ready for a puppy? They are big responsibility."

Lydia put down her colored pencil and stared at me; she was very matter of fact with her answer. "I am aware of that Mommy. I have read all the books Daddy has bought me. I am so ready for a puppy."

I looked back at Roman, who snickered. I shot him a dirty look; he tried to give me a straight face look but couldn't, he just laughed harder. "You're no help." I started to giggle, he laughter was contagious. "Lyds, how about we talk about it this weekend. We will decide which sort of dog will be the best for you and maybe we can go take a peak at some." I told her.

Lydia smiled broadly at me, it was a smile that reminded me so much of her dad.

I walked down the dilapidated stairway; I briefly thought about having some come over and fix the stairs but then realized how stupid that would be. I was sure that I was the only one who had been to the trailer over the past six years. The path that had once lead to Peter and Lynda's trailer was overgrown; nature was taking back what was hers. I sat down on the wooden stairs and gazed around at the yard. I still felt so at home in nature, it eased my aching heart. I hadn't changed since Peter left, when full moons came I physically hurt but I wouldn't allow the wolf out of me. I didn't want to have that part of myself free, she remembered. She called for Peter. I hated her because she made me ache for Peter.

"Fuck!" I shouted before the tears that I thought I had under control filled my eyes. "Why the hell did you leave? Are you even alive? I mean, you have to be dead you didn't come back or try to contact me. God, you are such a fucking bastard." I talked as if he could hear me. It was my own personal therapy. Even if he didn't hear what I had to say, at least it was out in the universe and not shut up inside of me. I aggressively wiped away my tears. "Never again, will I spill tears for you." Liar, it was the same thing I said every year.

I looked up and thought I saw movement in the forest surrounding the trailer. I stood up and was about to walk over where I saw the movement, but my cell phone vibrated in my pocket.

"Damn it." I struggled to pull in out of my jacket pocket. It was a blocked number. "Hello?" I was met by no reply. "Hello? If you're there I can't hear you. Maybe you should call back." I said before hanging up and making my way back up towards my car. I would get better reception out of the forested ravine and it was time for me to go.

When I got up to my car my phone vibrated again. The same blocked message popped up. "Hello?" I answered, hoping that I would hear whoever was on the other line.

I was again subjected to silence although, I was pretty sure I could hear breathing this time. "I can hear you breathing." I waited for a reply but there was nothing. "Roman is this you? You're not fucking funny." I quickly got into my car. No response. I hit end before starting my car.

While I was driving back into town my phone rang over my speaker system. "Hello?"

Breathing. Just fucking breathing. What the fuck. "Lose this number." I hung up.

Again, my ringtone stopped the music in my car. This was getting really fucking creepy. I hit answer on my steering wheel. "Listen here fucker, unless you are going to say something, stop fucking calling me."

"Well I was going to ask you if you wanted to come have lunch with me, but I don't know now." Roman's voice projected throughout my car.

I was shaken, but tried to hide it from Roman. "Lunch sounds nice. You want me to pick something up?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"Nope. I have someone already making us food." The answer I thought it would be; I knew this man well. "See you soon." He hung up before I could say anything else.

I turned my phone on silent. I didn't need anymore strange breathing in my day. Of course, it had to be a day when I was already on edge. It was like who ever was doing it knew what day it was. I tried to shove it in the back of my head with all the rest of my stress of the day.

LINE

I walked off the elevator and made my way towards Roman's office. I made a quick glance toward the receptionist desk where Roman's assistant Joel was usually seated, but today it was pretty brunette woman I had never seen before. I continued past her; she got up quickly and stood in front of me.

"I'm sorry, do you have an appointment?" Before I could answer she started up again. "Mr. Godfrey is on an important phone call and does not want to be disturbed. Is there anything I might help you with?" She asked.

"Um, no." I pushed past her and opened Roman's door. He was actually on the phone with his back to the door. I closed the door quietly and sat down in the chair across from him.

"Tell him to get on it." I could tell he was annoyed with whom ever he was speaking with on the phone. His body language was tense. "I don't give a flying fuck what you have to do, just get it done!" Roman barked as he slammed his phone down on the receiver. I loved it when he was assertive like that. It was such a turn on. "Hey." He smiled at me. Oh, how quickly he changed.

"Hey. What's up with the new assistant? Where's Joel?" I asked.

A sly smile crossed Roman's face. "Why? You jealous?"

I decided I wanted to play a bit, I needed to have a good time after my morning. "Of her no. I just missed watching Joel walk away in his tight pants. They fit his ass so nicely." I smirked at Roman, who had made his way around his desk and looked like was about to pounce on me. I moved quickly but unfortunately not quick enough he pinned me to the windowed wall of his office.

"Is that so?" His blue eyes searched mine before he took possession of my mouth. "Tell me, do you think Joel would be able to handle you?" He asked after pulling away, leaving me wanting more.

"I'm sure I would give him a run for his money." I bit Roman's lower lip, "just like I give you. I want to play a game." I smiled.

Roman smiled back at me mischievously. "And what sort of game do you want to play?" He was intrigued.

"I want to play a trick on your new assistant. Act like you have no clue why I am in your office. I mean I just let myself in here. For all she knew I could be here to take advantage of you and corrupt your virtue."

Roman laughed. "Virtue." He laughed harder and mumbled, "what the fuck Wren?" He made his way to the door and I sat back down waiting for my mean trick to unfold. "Claudette?" Roman's tone was cold. There was the business Roman, I knew so well. The man who took late night phone calls and could argue his way out of pretty much any predicament he was in.

"Yes, Mr. Godfrey." She entered his office, her eyes flickered over to me and then back to Roman.

"Can you please explain to me who this is and why you let her into my office? I was quite sure, I was very clear with you when I said that I did not want to be disturbed." His voice was cold and calculated. It turned me on seeing him being so domineering with someone else.

Claudette chewed on her lower lip, "I'm sorry, but she made no indication of who she was, and then she just barged in your office, Mr Godfrey. I will call security if you'd like."

"Oh, I would like to see her in hand cuffs." Roman turned back to me with a sly smile and I saw a glint of playfulness in his eyes. I knew he was making a list of things in his head of what he would like to do to me if I was hand cuffed.

"I will call them right now." Claudette turned on the balls of her feet and started to make her way towards her desk.

"Claudette. You should tell them to bring me a whip too. I think I might want to beat a little sense into her too." Roman was losing his battle, his voice sounded too giddy.

"Excuse me?" Claudette responded in shock.

"Claudette come here." Roman motioned to have her come into his office. He obeyed him. "If this woman ever comes here again. Let her pass by no matter what I am doing. This is my fiancée, Arenda Lawson."

I stood up with a smile. "It's actually Wren." I couldn't remember the last time someone had called me Arenda. Wait, I could. The feeling hit me hard like a large bag of bricks. It hurt. It burned. It took my breath from my lungs. Peter was the last person to call me Arenda. I had told Roman and my parents to never call me that again. I wasn't sure if Claudette had said anything to me because I couldn't hear anything other than Peter's last words. I love you so much Arenda. "If you loved me then why did you leave me?" I blurted out.

Roman's touch brought me out of my memories and back into the moment. Claudette looked at me like I was crazy. "You okay?" Roman asked as he wiped away tears that I didn't even realize were falling from my eyes.

I took a deep breath. "I'm fine. I'm super sorry about that." I said quietly to him. Embarrassment oozed through me.

I knew that my pain, and loss took its toll on Roman. We had talked about it once, but never again, because the conversation left us both emotionally spent. Roman had been very honest about how he felt like he was second string when it came to my love, especially in the beginning. Now, years later, I only spent one-day wallowing in the pain and I tried to not do it around Roman. He allowed me this one day. He understood. What he couldn't understand is why I still felt things for Peter. It was hard not to, especially when I had a reminder of him every day in the form of a mini version of him. She had his eyes…every day I had to look into those beautiful blue eyes that reminded me so much of Peter.

Had Peter stuck around he would have known he was a dad and Lydia would have known her biological father. Thankfully Roman taken on that role like Lydia was his flesh and blood. Shit, if you would have asked him he would have said she was; Roman had been Lydia's daddy since I peed on the stupid little stick and I got the god damn plus sign.

"Wren, do you still want to do lunch?" Roman questioned me.

I nodded even though I had lost my appetite. I hadn't eaten yet. "Yeah." I knew sticking around was a better idea then getting lost in my head again. "What are we having?" I tried to pull myself out of my slump.

"It's a surprise." He said as one of the Godfrey employees wheeled in a cart with food on it. My stomach betrayed me by growling at the smell. "We will have to make it a quicker lunch because I have a meeting in about 15 minutes." Roman gazed at me as he handed me one of the platters. I took it and sat down on the couch.

"Roman?" I looked up from my plate which had steak, mashed potatoes, and asparagus. "Thank you."

"For what the food? Wren you don't need to thank me for getting lunch for you." Roman sat down on the couch with me.

I shook my head. "That's not what I mean." He frowned, I could see he wasn't understanding what I was trying to say so I would have to spell it out for him. "Thank you for loving me. For understanding that I need just one day a year to remember him and grieve that loss. I want you to know that I love you so much. You have been the one who has come through for me and Lydia. I couldn't ask for a better father for our daughter or lover for me. You are not just some replacement for him." I couldn't bring myself to say Peter's name. "You are so much more to me and my heart is so full of love you."

Roman put his plate on the end table and took my untouched plate from me. He took my hands into his and looked deeply into my eyes. I felt raw and naked beneath his gaze. "Wren, I know I was not your first choice and I will never understand why you still grieve the loss of Peter after all this time." The bitterness in his tone when said his name made me cringe. "But I won, the day he walked away from you and Lydia." He placed his lips on mine. "I totally won." He smirked against my lips.

I knocked on the door one more time, this time was louder than the last time. I tried the door knob and it was unlocked, so walked in.

"Hello?" I called out. Destiny knew I was coming over, I was surprised that she had not answered. She must have been busy with a customer. It happened from time to time. I just let myself in and made myself at home. Her customers were none the wiser until they came out of Destiny's office with her.

I had remained close to Destiny over the years, she was like family to me. She had kept my up-to-date on how things were going with Lynda. She never told me if she spoke to Peter or not; if she had she was a horrible friend because she knew how badly his leaving hurt me. I asked about Peter daily after he had left but as time had moved on I stopped. If Peter wanted to contact me he would have. I think that was the part that hurt the most.

"Hey, I'm back here." She called out from the back of her apartment. I made my way back to the room she was in. Her room smelled overwhelmingly like incense and weed but there was something else I couldn't place; a familiar smell.

"Hey." I said as I walked into her bedroom. She was lounged out on her bed. It looked as if Destiny just woke up. She was still in her pajamas and silk robe. "Did you just wake up?"

"I had a late night. How are you doing?" She asked as she patted the bed next to her.

I sat down next to her and the smell that I had couldn't figure out what it was, hit me hard. Tears streamed down my face, it was herbal and earthy. I hadn't smelled that scent in years. "Where is he?" I asked between sobs. I felt a stir inside of me that I had suppressed for nearly six years. The wolf inside me was awakening.

Destiny looked at me with a faked confusion. "I have no clue what you are talking about." Her blue eyes darted to the doorway and then back to me.

I jumped up off the bed, pissed off that she would lie to me. "Don't lie to me Destiny. I can smell him." I inhaled deeply, I could smell him now no matter how hard they tried to cover up the smell. I made my way through her apartment. He had been all over. I can't believe I didn't smell him right away when I walked in.

"Wren, he isn't here. I don't know what you think you are smelling but Peter isn't here." Destiny went after me.

I could barely see by the time I reached the living room. Tears were flowing fast and furiously from my eyes. Was I going crazy? I flopped myself down on the couch after not finding a trace of Peter.

"Am I going crazy?" I asked. "Why can I smell him?"

Destiny sighed deeply. "Wren, look at me." She tried to get me to look at her, but I couldn't. My heart hurt too badly to look at her. It was the first time in six years I could remember what Peter smelled like. It hurt.

"I can't do this. I need to go." I aggressively wiped the tears from my eyes and quickly got up from the couch. I grabbed my bag from where I threw it on the chair and made my way to the door. I couldn't put myself through anymore of this. I felt as if the world was collapsing in on me suddenly. "I can't…it hurts too much…I hurt too much." I started to sob again. I kneeled over and placed my hands on my knees. I tried to catch my breath, but I couldn't. I was losing the battle with myself very quickly.

"Wren?" It wasn't Destiny's voice that called my name; it was his.

My heart pounded harder in my chest and ached deeply. I felt as if very being was being torn into pieces. I stood up straight but couldn't turn around. I didn't trust myself. I didn't trust the fact that I had heard his voice and that it wasn't my mind just making thing up. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to shut everything out, but his very smell engulfed me. I turned slowly with my eyes closed, I couldn't face the fact that this year I had gone off the deep end and went fucking crazy. If I was crazy, I needed to take Dr. Price up on his offer to wipe Peter from my brain completely. I tried to calm the butterflies in my stomach, but I couldn't. I took a deep breath and decided it was time to get it over with and opened my eyes.

I was staring straight into his blue eyes. "Peter?" I allowed his name to pass my lips for the first time in years. I had dreamt of that moment so many times; I had always imagined a happy reunion, but now I didn't know what to do. At that very moment all I wanted was Roman.

Tears welled in Peter's eyes and he made his way towards me. When he reached me, he tried to embrace me, but I held out my arms and took a giant step back. "No! No! Don't." Was all I managed to get out. My body ached for him, but my mind remembered everything, all the pain, all the hurt. "I need to go. I can't…Roman." I muttered at I ran from the one person I had been mourning for.

I was so confused; my emotions were all over the place. I needed to get out of the same place as him because his being overwhelmed me. I couldn't think straight. I turned quickly and made my way out to my car. I didn't hesitate to dialing Roman's cell.

"Miss me so quickly?" He answered with his normal smart ass tone.

"Roman?" I panicked as I pulled away from Destiny's. "I need…" I started to sob and the road was blurring, but I needed to put distance between Destiny's place and myself. "I need…"

"Wren, where are you? What the fuck is going on?" Roman's voice was on edge.

"I need you." I managed to sob out as I pulled on to Main Street. I didn't think I would be able to make it to The Godfrey Institute.

"Where are you? I am on my way!" I could hear him rustling with things in the background.

"Main Street. I just pulled over, I can't drive. Please Roman…" I sobbed. I was falling to pieces. I hurt.

"I am on my way." He said as he hung up his phone.

It seemed like ages before Roman got to me, but I knew the drive it was probably only five minutes. Roman opened my car door when he got to me and pulled me into his chest as I cried and by cry I meant I was ugly crying at that point. His very being calmed me.

Roman ran his hand up and down my back. "You want to tell me what is happening? You have never been this bad before, well except for maybe the first year." He said the last part more to himself than to me.

"Peter…" I hiccupped as my tears slowed.

A snort came from Roman, "Wren. I know that this is a hard time for you but seriously. It's been six fucking years, why are you freaking out all of a sudden? I don't fucking get it." He snapped. "Yeah, Peter left you. He fucking left me too. He left Lydia. He is gone. For all we know is he dead. It's time for you to move on, like I did."

"He's not dead." I stared at Roman. His coldness hurt me.

"There is no proof that he's alive either Wren. I really think you need to go see Price." He said, but then added. "Actually, I am going to bring you there right now. Come on." Roman tried to pull my arm.

I resisted him. "He isn't dead Roman. And the proof is currently at Destiny's apartment. Peter is in Hemlock Grove." Roman dropped my arm and his face went pale. It was as if I could read his mind because the same thought was running through mine, what the fuck and why now?