Hey all . . . I'm sorry, that was kind of mean cutting it off there, and then leaving it a while before the next chapter too. I can promise that the next one will be up soon cos I've been working on it.
Oh yeah and fanofthearts, I went to New York - what an amazing city. I miss it really hard, I want to be on holidays again! If there are any New Yorkers reading this I love you and I've been dispelling the stereotype that you're rude since I got back here ;)
Chapter Twelve
From the moment Jane had approached her on the street with her hair loose and curled, her jeans fitting over her hips just right, and a loose fitting T-shirt - Maura had wanted her.
Maura had always had a healthy sexual appetite. She never experienced guilt about her desires and had always accepted them as normal. Sex was a natural biological urge. Of course, one should not necessarily always act on one's desires. Sex should always be a negotation between two adults who were consenting to the same thing. It was important to weigh up the consequences. Sometimes sex was just a physical release, but when it had the potential to be otherwise it was irresponsible to not consider what the repercussions might be.
She was rationalizing her actions in a dangerous way. She told herself that the fact that Jane had been unattainable to her had built up her desire and created unrealistic expectations. If they'd had a relationship that followed a normal trajectory – for example, if they'd met through Lauren and dated one another, then had sex on the third or fourth date she wouldn't be feeling the way she had. She wouldn't have spent whole nights laying awake visualizing what Jane would look like under her clothes, trying to outline her abdominal muscles in her mind. She wouldn't remember every moment of their kissing with the realness of a photograph or a piece of music, evoking feelings and sensations that came out of thin air.
She had the feeling of reaching for something that could never be as good as what you'd built up in your mind, because the import of fantasy was the fact that what you imagine has a different quality to reality. The only cure was to have sex with Jane and dispel the mystery once and for all.
It was how she justified it; knowing the whole time that it would only make her want more.
As soon as they were inside and the door was safely shut behind them, Jane grasped Maura on her upper arms to move her close, and they fell back into a deep kiss, all restraint between them gone.
"You have no idea what this is for me, Maura," Jane said, her voice coming out gravelly.
Maura pulled away, looking at her and nodding her understanding. Jane worried that Maura had already changed her mind and that her words had broken the spell, but instead she took Jane by the hand and led her to the bedroom. They stood at the threshold of the room, Jane cradling Maura in her arms to kiss her tenderly. There was so many things she wanted to say. She wanted to explain to Maura that she could feel safe with her, but if Maura just wanted this to be about sex then she didn't want to risk losing it. She resolved to just focus on making Maura feel good, her hands moving down to grab Maura's ass, picking her up, and letting Maura's legs wrap around her as they kissed.
She could only support her weight for a moment, especially given how shaky she felt, and she bent at the knees so that she could deposit Maura on the edge of the bed. She looked down at her. Maura met her eye with an expression that must match her own - fearful and hot at the same time. She knelt down so that she was on her knees, and she guided Maura's legs apart with her hand so that she was in between them. She watched while Maura licked her lips and then leaned in, shuddering against her as they made contact. Maura's hands ran over her shoulders, down her back, and then up into her hair, bunching it in her fingers.
Abruptly Maura tugged at the hem of Jane's shirt, pulling it up, and Jane helped her drag it up over her head. She felt exposed and vulnerable, shivering from nerves and the cold. Maura brushed her hands up and down her arms to warm her, then moved her fingers everywhere over the curve of her breasts and over her stomach. Jane looked down and watched; Maura touched her like she was a work of art, and there was something so sweet about it.
Maura motioned backwards with her head to the bed, to signal that she wanted them to move. Jane complied eagerly, readying herself by unlacing her sneakers. Maura seemed to want to call the shots - to keep in control by directing where things went and that was okay with her. She was willing to do anything Maura wished.
Maura had stood to undress with her back turned and Jane watched while she took off one heel and then the other. She walked over to her, gingerly putting her hands on Maura's shoulders. It was strange – Maura had given her the green light, yet she kept feeling like Maura might come to her senses and throw her out any minute. She bent to touch her lips to Maura's neck and Maura moaned as she leaned into her, making her feel more confident. She held Maura close, Jane's lips travelling along her skin and grazing it with her teeth. Then she took the zip of Maura's dress between her fingers and pulled it down all the way, helping to steady Maura while she stepped out of it.
Jane slid her hands down the arch of Maura's back and then around over her waist. Her skin was so smooth and Jane couldn't get enough of touching it. As she would have figured Maura was wearing lacy black underwear which she'd never cared much about, but which now seemed sexy as hell. Maura turned in her arms and they faced one another. Their mouths joined again and Jane pulled Maura's hips against her.
Maura pushed her towards the bed, guiding her to lay down. Jane looked up at her, pretty sure that she'd never seen anything so sexy as Maura in her underwear, biting her lip as she undid her belt, ripped open the button of her jeans, and worked at pulling them down. Jane looked at the swell of her breasts under her bra, the soft slope of her stomach. She helped when Maura reached to remove Jane's bra. Jane lay back down with her nipples hard under Maura's fingers, who brushed against her lightly before she pulled back. Maura sat back on her heels and Jane had the curious sensation that Maura was still touching her; her stare was that intense.
"You have a very beautiful body. You're just as I pictured you," Maura said simply.
Jane tried to smile but she could feel her lips kind of trembling, shaking like the rest of her. The thought that Maura had been thinking about her turned her on more, if that were even possible. "So do you." She'd had sex with enough women to feel like she knew what she were doing, but the stakes had never felt this high before. Usually sex for her was rushed – at the end of a night out or at some girl's dorm room – and she'd never been with anyone like Maura. Maura seemed to like taking her time.
She leaned up on an elbow, watching while Maura reached around to unclasp her bra, Jane's pulse quickening. She saw a chink in Maura's armour for a moment as she looked away for a second while she slid the straps down her arms with a fleeting expression of anxiety. It was hard to understand why; not when she revealed the most perfectly formed breasts Jane had ever seen, but Jane knew it was about a lot more than that. Jane stared openly at her and reached forward to caress the undersides of her breasts, to finally feel them naked in her hands.
"Come here," Jane said softly. Maura looked at her hesitatingly for a second and then Maura was on top of her, and Jane could swear she felt her heart stop at the feeling of their skin against one another's, Maura's hard nipples against her own. Maura kissed her fiercely, Jane taking her head in her hands as their tongues entertwined. Jane felt a hand come between them as Maura palmed her breast, and flicked at her nipple with her fingers. She sharply drew in breath, gasping into Maura's mouth as they thrust against one another.
Then Maura's hand was lower, cupping her through her underwear. "Take them off," Maura whispered hoarsely, and soon they were each naked and pressed up against one another again. Jane could feel Maura's wetness on her thigh, because Maura had placed a leg between her own and was grinding into her. Maura was grabbing roughly at her breast while her tongue drove into her mouth, driving her crazy.
"What do you want me to do?" Maura whispered into her ear. Jane grasped Maura's shoulders and found that she had no idea what to say. She felt woefully inexperienced, because she'd never built up enough trust with anyone to actually tell them what she wanted.
"Whatever you want," Jane said and Maura pulled back to smile at her, obviously sensing that she had thrown Jane off balance - and liking it.
Jane closed her eyes as Maura moved down her stomach, exploring her body with her mouth, drawing a trail of fire everywhere she touched with the soft pad of her tongue, her fingers pressing and stroking. Jane squirmed where she lay, her hands twisting in the sheets, her breath coming out short and sharp. She felt the absence of Maura's hand between her legs; she felt desperate to be touched there again.
She'd always felt in control in bed, and she found that she loved losing it, loved feeling entirely in Maura's power.
Maura moved up so they were face to face again and entered her in one smooth stroke, Jane seeing lights appear behind her eyes. After seeing the way Jane responded Maura started to thrust into her hard, driving her higher and higher and looking into her eyes while Jane writhed against her, her hips moving in the rhythm Maura had set up. Maura was using her thumb to stroke her clit and it did not take long until she was in the grip of a powerful orgasm. When she came she was overwhelmed enough that she almost cried, but she pulled Maura over her tight for cover, their lips slowing against one another's.
Maura kissed her sweetly, withdrawing her hand slowly. Her hips were still rocking, and Maura put her hands to them, raising goosebumps as she splayed her fingers over her skin.
When she could move Jane sat up, their sweat-slicked bodies sliding against one another's, and she manipulated Maura's body until Maura was straddling her. She was in the perfect position to take one perfect breast into her mouth, sucking on the hard tip and teased the other with her fingers. It was criminal that she'd barely touched Maura yet and she made up for it now, loving the way Maura arched into her and dug her fingers into her shoulders. Jane reached down, moaning when she felt how wet and ready Maura was for her.
"Now," Maura said impatiently, and Jane entered her slowly, closing her eyes at the feeling of Maura around her fingers. Jane grasped at Maura's waist as they moved together. Maura was sighing and Jane nipped at Maura's neck with her lips and teeth, licking her salty skin.
"Is this okay?" Jane asked, losing her shyness in the face of how turned on she was. It was obvious Maura was enjoying what she was doing, she just suddenly needed to hear her say it.
"Yes," Maura said, barely able to speak, but she moaned Jane's name once and it spurred Jane on, she reached higher, her fingers stroking into Maura who had started moaning in earnest, looking over Jane's shoulder where she couldn't see her eyes. Jane pulled her back gently, her fist tangling into Maura's hair as she moved her so that they were looking at one another. She watched Maura's face when she came hard, saying her name again, Jane's dragging her forward for a kiss. She framed Maura's face with her hands and sucked on her lower lip, kissing her softly.
Jane eventually lay back, moving Maura with her. Maura lay half on top of her, a leg thrown over her waist and Jane stroked Maura's thigh, allowing their breathing to return to normal. The actual act had happened so fast – Jane wondered briefly if she should have savored it a bit more, but they had built up so much tension going any slower would have been impossible. Hopefully they could save that for next time, if there was going to be another time. Hell, she was ready to go again right now, but Maura had gotten quiet, and then she turned away. Jane felt a wave of sadness, but she wasn't going to let her go just yet. She spooned Maura tightly, hugging her close, stroking Maura's hair protectively.
"Can I stay here tonight?" she asked, afraid of the answer but determined to not take no for one. To her relief Maura answered yes.
"You know I really care about you, don't you?" Jane whispered into Maura's ear. Maura nodded against her hand, shivering at the feeling of Jane's lips.