Lightning stirred gently, her eyebrows furrowing as she let out a soft groan. A splitting headache wracked at her temples. She thought of opening her eyes, but the pain caused her to hesitate. It was the soft touch on her cheek and the melodic voice that eventually convinced her to pry her eyes open again.
"Hey you... Don't you scare me like that..."
"Fang?" Lightning asked, her voice horse with sleep. She furrowed her eyebrows as her vision started to focus. Lightning let out a soft groan, cringing in slight pain as she made to sit up. She glanced around herself to gather her surroundings. They were still in her quite office, golden rays of light shining in through the blinds and catching motes of dust in their beams as they cast contrasting shadows over the room. Though she was unsure of just how much time had passed, she could tell by the sunlight it couldn't be too late in the day. "What happened?"
Fang gave a weak frown in response. "You don't remember?"
Lightning let out a small puff of amusement as she rubbed at her temple. "Oh... I remember plenty." Images of her past lives flashed across her mind in small fragments. She tried not to focus on any one for too long, worried that she'd be pulled out her reality once again. It was strange though, she felt it more than she knew it, but she had a new found wealth of hazy knowledge. Little things like Fang's shoe size, or the mannerisms she would grow into as she got older, the smell of her father's cologne... Lighting's stomach tightened and her breath hitched.
"Dad..." Lightning cringed as a memory of her late father pricked at the edges of her mind, tempting her to let go and relive all the things she'd never get to experience with the man. Instead she grabbed Fang's hand beside her on the chaise and squeezed it tight. A part of her wanted to give in and let her mind run with the memory, but she couldn't let go like that again... She could still feel where her tears had dried on her cheeks. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths as she focused on the feeling of Fang's hand under hers. "Does this... go away?"
Fang frowned as she watched Lightning struggle with her mind. "I... don't know... I don't think I've ever experienced them with the same intensity you are..."
"Woah! You're a quick one, aren't you? Faster than a bolt of lightning!" The sound of her father's voice pulled at her resolve and Lightning fought to stay in the moment. She could feel the memory in her chest. It was a happy one... but she couldn't let herself experience it. She'd blocked out so much of her memories over the years in order to protect herself, only to have hundreds of thousands of new memories thrust upon her in a single moment. It had been too much for her. Her mind had shut down like an internal circuit breaker had been flipped in order to protect her. She didn't want to experience that again.
"It's okay, Light." Fang winced at the tight grip on her hand. She knew Lightning better than anyone. She knew that Lightning wouldn't want the reminders of the people she'd lost. She would rather forget and move forward. It was how she coped, but now she was faced with lifetimes of memories she wouldn't be able to forget. There was no running from it anymore."...It might seem like a curse now, Light... and yeah... they're not all pretty. In fact... some are downright horrid, but some of them... they'll pull you through when you need them most." She squeezed Lightning's hand back, in a comforting gesture.
Lightning let out a sigh, focusing on the feeling of Fang's hand. She concentrated on the warmth of the smooth skin under her fingertips. She leveled her breathing and blocked out her mind to take in the moment. It was a technique she'd taught to many of her patients. Learning to focus on the immediate surroundings and one's own body could stave off panic attacks and other stresses. It took a moment but eventually her father's voice seemed to fade away and she was left with the quite stillness of her office once again. She let out a shaky breath and finally opened her eyes, resolved to focus on the moment.
"Fang?"
"Hmm?" Fang gently ran her thumb over Lightning's hand, wishing she could do more to help her.
"I have some Advil in my top left drawer... Could you-"
"Of course." Fang gave Lightning's hand one last squeeze before she stood up and made her way to her desk, immediately longing for the contact again.
Lightning hunched over, resting her elbows on her knees as she rubbed at her aching skull. She listened as Fang rummaged around in her desk drawer for her Advil bottle and felt the smallest smile pull at her lips. "A few days ago you were just a stranger..."
Fang perked up and paused in her search, instead meeting Lightning's eyes.
"but... Looking at you now... it's like I was missing a part of my soul and I didn't even know it." Lightning gave Fang a small almost sad smile. Fang returned the soft look before pulling the Advil bottle from the desk drawer.
"I know." Fang cast her eyes to the bottle in her hand and as she did, noticed one of her cardboard boxes of art and journals sitting under Lightning's desk. She winced slightly at the sight of it. Fang knew exactly what she had been missing. She knew. It was all right there in that box. All the heart ache and longing. The sleepless nights. The confusion and anger. There was never a time she could remember where she hadn't longed for Lightning to be at her side. Fang had been missing that sense of wholeness her entire life.
The small grimace didn't go unnoticed by Lightning. "I'm sorry, Fang."
Fang shook her head and let out an amused puff of air. "For what?"
"For making you go it alone."
Fang gave Lightning an amused smile back. "No more of that then, yeah?"
Lightning's featherweight smile and nod was all it took. Fang had been waiting her whole life for the future she would share with Lightning, and now she knew it was here. It was finally a reality. Lightning and her seemed bound to be together no matter what reality they found themselves in. The blue eyed woman of Fang's memories was bound to her, just as much as Fang was bound to her.
"Yeah." Fang said softly. She took a moment longer to admire Lightning before she gave a small chuckle and turned back to the bottle before popping a couple pills into her palm and putting the bottle back.
Fang knew Lightning was fine with downing her pills dry, but she grabbed Lightning's mug of tea anyway and handed it to her with the pills.
"Thank you..." Lightning said, tilting her head back as she popped the two tablets into her mouth and immediately washed it down with her tea. She made a small face as she swallowed and stared at her mug. The tea had lost most of its heat and had become lukewarm. She glanced to the clock on her wall and raised her eyebrows. "We're almost out of time..."
"Well it's a damn good thing you decided to wake up then isn't it?" Fang joked as she sat down on the chaise next to Lightning.
Lightning didn't smile though. She'd only just gotten Fang and yet she knew that soon another patient would be knocking on her door and she would have to say goodbye. Even though she knew the parting would only be temporary, she felt the longing to stay with Fang and drink her in as long as she could. She sighed heavily as she set her mug down and leaned against Fang, feeling the familiar comfort wash over her as Fang instinctively wrapped an arm around her in return. "Where do we go from here?"
"Well," Fang said, leaning her head against the top of Lightning's own, "how do I go about discharging myself so I can take you out tonight?"
Lightning let out a small laugh. Fang was always so eager. Funny how she knew that now. "It's not quite that easy. You can't just discharge yourself."
Fang furrowed her brow. "Why not? I'm here voluntarily."
"Yeah, and when you committed yourself you entrusted yourself to our care... which means we say when you can leave or not."
Fang pulled a face. "Well, then tell them I can leave."
Lighting smiled and nuzzled farther into Fang, enjoying the moment. "You have to write a three-day letter, requesting to leave. That goes to the medical director, and then he and the board will have three days to decide if you're ready to leave..."
Fang groaned. "They wouldn't let me leave... would they?"
Lightning seemed to gain some kind of amused satisfaction from Fang's predicament. "No, probably not. But... Maybe I can help convince them. If you agree to on site therapy a few times a week, and behave yourself over the next few days, then maybe."
Fang groaned again but deferred to Lightning's judgement. "Alright... " Fang was eager to start living again. She knew that this day was the defining day that would cut her life into its before and after. "You know, Light. I think we've made a major breakthrough today..." Fang joked and a second later she could hear Lightning groan next to her.
"Maybe we should just end this now... Go our own way... see other people." Lighting teased back with her trademark monotone. "Come on." Lightning lightly slapped Fang on the thigh before managing to pull herself away from her. She moved to her desk with Fang following after. She produced a piece of paper and handed Fang a black pen.
"What do I write?"
"It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Just tell them that you're requesting to be released, you've agreed to on site therapy with me, and that you don't believe yourself to be a threat to your own safety."
Fang made a face. She wasn't exactly the most formal person but she relented and wrote down essentially what Lightning had said and signed and dated it. "There."
"Just take that to the front desk and ask them to give it to the medical director."
Fang nodded and folded up the piece of paper, placing it in the little breast pocket on the front of her scrubs. Fang took a glance at the clock to see the second hand was nearly at the top of the hour and sighed. She didn't want her hour to end. As if on cue there was a knock on the door.
"I'll be with you in a minute." Lightning called back before she looked to Fang and shared in her dejection. She bit her lip for a second before she took Fang's hand and pulled her in, risking the intensity that could pull her back into her memories. She met Fang's lips with hers once more. The feeling of belonging once again washed over the two as they kissed and took each other in. Fang stepped closer needing to feel Lightning's body right against her own and bit back the urge to moan when Lightning's hands found their way into her wild hair. The feeling of Lightning's soft lips melding with her own sent an immediate ache between her thighs and Fang found herself kissing back with a sense of need that Lightning seemed to recognize in an instant. Though Lightning knew Fang intimately now, she didn't need the lifetimes worth of memories to tell her what kind of effect the kiss was having on Fang and so she placed a hand to Fang's shoulder and pulled away.
"Mmm... but-"
"Go on..." Lightning said with a soft smile as she lamentably removed Fang's hands from sides. She missed the contact instantly but one of them had to be strong enough to end the kiss, and she knew it wouldn't be Fang. It never was. Fang would let herself drown if Lightning kissed her in a rising body of water, she was almost sure of it.
Fang sighed with a grin and reluctantly opened the door and left as Lightning's next patient entered after her. She resisted the urge to shout to the rooftops and instead pulled her letter from her pocket and made for the front desk, past other patients and techs. Her mind was reeling with excitement. She felt as though she'd just won the lottery and couldn't tell anyone. She wanted to brag and celebrate and yet she knew that if she started yelling about how her doctor had been kissing her, Lightning would very quickly be out of a job.
"You're in an awfully good mood today." Miss. Read stated as she jogged up next to Fang, a friendly smile on her face.
"You could say that." Fang grinned, holding herself back as she fiddled with the paper in her hand. "Had a major breakthrough in therapy... So, I'm giving them my three-day letter." Fang held up the piece of paper for Miss Read to see.
Miss. Read frowned. "You haven't even been here a week... are you sure that's wise?"
Fang grinned and flung an arm around Miss. Read's shoulder, startling the young woman. "I promise ya, this is what I want. Besides, you'll still see me around! Doctor Farron is still gonna be treatin' me."
Miss. Read's frown didn't disappear. "And Doctor Farron approved of this?"
"Don't you worry 'bout me, alright? I've never been better." Fang grinned before finally letting the tech go. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a letter to deliver and a phone call to make."
Fang gave Miss. Read a quick wink and was off down the pale green tiled hall, leaving the young woman reeling from the strangely exuberant patient. She'd be sure to keep an eye on Fang's mood over the next few days until the board made a decision on her request. She'd hate to see Fang's health go pair-shaped.
Fang slipped the woman at the front desk her letter and the woman took it with a nod, inserting it into a small cubby that was already filled with papers, waiting to be delivered to the medical director. Fang said her thanks, leaving the woman to her work, and made her way to the black phones that lined the walls. She didn't have to wait long before one became available and she immediately picked up the phone and dialed with muscle memory. She could barely hold back her excitement as she waited for Vanille to pick up the phone. After three rings, Vanille picked up with a cheerful greeting.
"Vanille!" Fang had never been so happy to hear Vanille's voice.
"Fang! I'm coming to see you later today," she giggled. It was so nice for her to hear Fang clearly happy for a change. "Couldn't wait to hear my voice, huh?"
"Vanille," Fang grinned into the phone, "she remembers me."
Lightning sat in her office as Melissa, a middle aged woman, laid on the chaise chair she'd just woken up on ten minutes earlier. The doctor sat in her desk chair, a clipboard in hand as she took notes and worked to treat the woman who'd been having multiple panic attacks a day since her son moved out. All she wanted was to let her aching mind wander and think about Fang but she had already experienced what a wandering mind could cause earlier in the week when she'd ignored the plight of a patient so she pushed Fang to the back of her mind and ignored the tingle that still sat on her lips.
"He said I shouldn't worry, but he's never been on his own before. I've been washing his shorts his entire life... he's probably wearing dirty underpants right now." The woman fretted and sighed heavily.
"I know it's hard to hear, but this could be a good thing for both you and Jake. He's relied on you for so long, he hasn't needed to learn to do these things on his own, just as you've relied on being a mother for so long, you don't know anything else... I want you to find a hobby."
"You think that will help with the anxiety?"
"I do... You enjoy nurturing and watching things grow, perhaps gardening would be a good outlet for you." Lightning suggested. She was almost surprised at herself for being able to listen to the woman after she'd experienced her own life-altering event just minutes earlier, but if there was one thing Lightning was, it was disciplined.
The longer the session went, the less and less her head hurt, until eventually her headache had faded away. When the time had come to say goodbye to Melissa, Lightning fought the urge to usher the woman out as fast as she could. Eventually the older woman thanked her for her time and left her office and Lightning was left with some time to think.
She sat back in her chair in her now quite office and stared at the cold mug of tea that Fang hadn't finished and thought of all the things that had changed in an instant. She thought back on the memories that had rushed into her head and then something strange happened. She could recall that she had remembered lifetimes of events, and yet when she tried to pull one up, it was dull or in some cases just gone. She knew she'd remembered Fang in a suit... across a room, but that was it. No details came to mind to bring the memory to life once again.
She shook her head slightly and furrowed her brow, trying again. It was as if the memories were there, just under the surface, but she couldn't reach them. They were all hazy shells of what she had known just an hour before. She knew that Fang was the one person who stole her heart in every reality and yet she couldn't recall much more than what she'd learned about her in the past week.
She squinted at the cup of tea, almost glaring at it. She fought with herself to remember what she'd prepped Fang's tea with but it wouldn't come. She pulled the mug to her and peered into it noting the creamy colour and sweet smell. "Right... Sugar and cream... She likes sugar and cream." She said to herself as if trying to remember, but she didn't. It was just... haze. She knew that the flood of memories had hit her, she knew she had felt the overwhelming love for Fang, she knew that Fang would always be the one who stole her heart, and yet it felt like she'd just woken up from a dream she couldn't quite recall.
She rubbed at the back of her neck and closed her eyes, trying harder and harder to invoke the memories that she had tried so hard to fight off just an hour earlier, and yet nothing but blurry remnants came to her. She felt a sense of shame wash over her, feeling as though she'd just failed Fang. She wanted more than anything to remember everything about Fang and yet she could strain and strain and come up with nothing.
"What the hell?" Lightning groaned to herself. The day had been a wild ride to say the least. She remembered thousands of lifetimes in a moment and an hour later couldn't recall a single one with any sense of clarity. How was is even possible to forget what she'd just experienced. She looked to the cardboard box that still sat by her feet and pulled it up onto her desk with a thud. She hoped that by reading a few of Fang's stories, it might jump start her memory again, and so she pulled a few pages at random from the pile.
She positioned the small stack in front of her and took a deep breath, preparing herself for the read. The familiar faint scent of wildflowers drifted from the pages and before she could even read a word on the page she felt it. Her temples once again thrummed lightly and little memories started to prick at the corners of her mind. Nothing as strong or as overwhelming as when she'd been close to Fang, but they were there, she was sure of it.
"One cream, three sugars..." She said quietly to herself and furrowed her brow. She pulled the papers closer to her and breathed in Fang's scent again and little memories started to flit about like loose papers in the wind. "Curious." Lightning already knew that the sense of smell was closely linked to memory, but this she hadn't expected. It was Fang's scent that seemed to have triggered the dam to collapse and bring with it the flood of memories earlier. Without Fang, the memories seemed to fade away until Lightning could no longer recall them. She pulled the papers to her face again and took another deep breath.
AN: Guys! Hessenerd drew a beautiful picture of Dr. Farron in her white lab coat so if you'd like to see it it's here! hessenerd,tumblr,com/post/146460912383 (replace commas with periods because fanfiction is a twat and won't let me put links.) (Seriously, it's perfect!) And of course, I love hearing from you guys!