The next day I am at the hospital at 5 am. I didn't sleep. The image of Sherlock's fingers brushing Victor's hand kept me awake.

Damn it. What is going on with me?

I was hoping work would distract me, but when I walked in to the hospital an hour before the start of my shift Lucy took one look at me and directed me to the cafeteria to talk.

'What did Sherlock do?' is her first question when we sit down with coffee.

Is everyone seeing through me these days?

'It's nothing…' I try, but she doesn't believe me for a second. 'Tell me about the evening, John, every detail!'

So I tell her. Every thing. Down to every touch and look.

When I am done she has a strange look on her face.

'What?'

'Oh John…' She puts her hand on mine. What is this? Pitty? That's not like Lucy.

I shake her hand off. 'What?'

'You are so jealous.' She says softly.

I roll my eyes at her. 'Right, thanks, I really needed help figuring that out.' My voice is dripping with sarcasm.

She frowns.

I ruffle my hair. 'Sorry Luce. I just that…. I had figured that out already. What I don't know is why I'm jealous.'

'Well….' She starts, and I feel the cliché coming.

'No. No, I am not in love with him. I don't want to be the one touching him like that. I'm not gay.'

Lucy leans back in her chair. 'I wasn't going to say that.'

'Really? Then what is your explanation?'

She picks up her coffee. 'I'm not sure you want to hear this…'

I exhale impatiently. 'Come on Lucy.'

'Okay, fine. When I was 15 – and promise you'll never tell this story to anyone – I had a best friend, Karen. We did everything together. We told each other all our secrets. And then she became distant. I knew she was hiding something from me and I pushed her to tell me but she didn't. Until one day she told me she was in love with this girl in our class. They were a couple. She didn't tell me because she was afraid of how I would react. I told her I was fine, but I wasn't. I was so jealous that it ruined the friendship forever.'

'Okay…'

She puts her coffee down and bends towards me. 'My point is: I realized there are only two reasons why I could be so jealous. The first is: I Ioved her and wanted her for myself. And second: I was no longer her only confident, her best friend, the most important girl in her life….'

'But…you could still be close friends…'

'No...' she grimaces, 'she told the other girl she loved her before she told me she was gay. I knew any boyfriend could never really come between us, but I could not compete with a girl that was a best friend and a lover in one…'

We are silent for a while. I think about her words.

'So…' I start slowly, 'what you're telling me is that I am either in love with Sherlock, or I am jealous because Victor is more important to Sherlock than I am?'

She shrugs. 'Can you think of a better explanation?'

'So what should I do?'

'Talk to him. Tell him how you feel.'

'Sorry Luce, but we're not 15-years old girls. We don't talk about our feelings. Especially not Sherlock.'

She waves it away. 'Either way, you should let him know you are okay with his relationship and you want to stay friends. Make an effort to get to know Victor better.'

Lucy glances at her watch. 'I'm sorry, John, but I have to get back to work.'

'Sure, no problem.' I say still absentmindedly.

When she gets up I suddenly wonder…. 'Hey Luce, why can I not tell your story to anyone? It's not embarrassing.'

She stands still for a second, then she leans to me and says: 'Because I forgot to tell you that to make sure I wasn't actually in love with her I kissed her. Also a very effective way to figure things out, by the way.' She smirks suggestively.

'Get back to work, Lucy!' I grunt.

'Just saying….' She winks at me and walks away.

Thanks for reading!