A/N: I am so sorry that I have not updated in so long! I can't believe I haven't updated in over a year. I promise I will never do that again.

Warning: This Story contains Twilight bashing. So if you are a Twilight fan proceed with caution.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

The Box

"I'll never understand you mortals and how you always find ways to elevate yourselves to new levels of debauchery. I cannot believe you allow this trash to be sold and read by the public!"

And as Ichigo began to sweat because he really, really, hoped that Rukia had not found the magazines which Keigo, stupid idiotic Keigo, had left here after declaring that Ichigo needed to start acting like 'a hot-blooded guy his age'. Ichigo had planned on disposing of those said magazines ASAP, except he had not yet figured out how to go about doing that as they did not seem like the type of things you should put out with your recycling. So he had left them in a cardboard box in his closet, and he prayed to GOD that Rukia had not found them now.

And then Rukia came into view and dropped a cardboard box on the table with a loud thump. And Ichigo knew he was doomed.

Before Ichigo could say anything Rukia hissed "I can't believe it!"

"Look, Rukia I can explain—"

"It's unbelievable!" She declared cutting him off with a murderous look. "I mean he spends most of his time stalking her or watching her while she sleeps. He literally follows her around in his car. And later after they finally have sex she wakes up covered in bruises but she tries to hide them so he will not feel bad! And that's not even the worst part! She gets pregnant and has a baby and then this other guy who was in love with her decides that the baby is his soulmate. His soulmate! A baby! An infant still in diapers! It's sick I tell you sick!"

That did sound pretty sick to Ichigo. Evidently Keigo needed more help than he had thought.

"And the whole time she acts like this helpless little girl and is absolutely useless and is always like Help! I'm useless. Somebody come save me! And to think that the nation's teenage girls are being encouraged to read this trash!"

Teenage girls…Now unlike Keigo Ichigo was not an expert on porn, but he was pretty sure that teenage girls were not the demographic they were targeting. If they were not talking about Keigo's magazines though, which he hoped to GOD they were not, then what were they talking about? Somehow Ichigo did not think it would go over well if he stopped Rukia mid-rant and asked her whether or not she happened to be ranting about Keigo's dirty magazines or something else though.

"...and they sparkle in the sunlight! I ask you how does it make any sense that they would sparkle in the sunlight!"

Apparently that was the end of her rant and Rukia now looked expectantly at Ichigo. Ichigo was not sure what to say as he was not exactly sure what they were talking about, but finally he decided the safest thing to say was "You are so right. I completely agree with you."

Evidently that was the right thing to say because Rukia nodded her head and said to him "I hope Ichigo that if you ever find these sorts of books in your sisters' room you will make sure to burn them."

Ichigo nodded his head dutifully, and Rukia, evidently pleased by his agreement, picked up the box and marched back upstairs.

Ichigo was left feeling very relieved as he now knew for sure that it had not been the Keigo's dirty magazines that Rukia had found and been ranting about. If it had been Rukia certainly would not have left him intact. No, she would have yelled and screamed at him and then likely cut off a very important part of his anatomy. This revelation however also left Ichigo feeling very disturbed, as if it had not been dirty magazines they had been talking about, then what exactly had they been talking about? Furthermore Ichigo was horrified by the fact that Rukia had advised him that whatever they had been talking about, his sisters, his little baby sisters, might have stashed away in their room.

Ichigo needed to find out what was in that box.

Ichigo's chance to secretly look in the box came more quickly than he had expected when Rukia announced that she was going to visit Orihime.

As soon as he heard her leave Ichigo dashed upstairs and began to look around their bedroom for the box. His plan however was thwarted by the fact that even after he had searched the whole apartment he had not found the mystery box. He had however found Keigo's box of porn again and made a mental note to get rid of that as quickly as possible.

While he had given up searching for the box the question of what had been in it would not leave him alone.

That night when they were lying in bed together reading Ichigo asked as nonchalantly as possible "So what happened to that box you had earlier?"

"Oh, I returned it to Orihime." Rukia said, not even looking up at Ichigo.

Orihime. Ichigo smiled. All he would need to do was ask Orihime what was in the box tomorrow and the mystery would be solved. Simple…except if there was something really inappropriate in the box, in which case things would be akward, very akward…

"Hello?"

"Orihime?"

"Kurosaki-kun, what a surprise to hear from you! You know I just saw Rukia yesterday and we had a wonderful time. She tried my famous bean and fish buns and she absolutely loved them! You should come over some time and try them."

"Err, yes that would be nice. I actually called though because I wanted to ask you about the box that Rukia returned to you yesterday."

"Oh, the books! Rukia did not seem to like them very much, but I suppose to each their own. I just love them though! Edward is so strong and dreamy. Oh, I can go on all day about him but you had a question you wanted to ask."

"Yeah, I just wanted to know which books you lent Rukia because I was thinking of reading them myself."

"I lent her the Twilight Saga. I really didn't think those would be your types of books Kurosaki-Kun but I can lend them to you if you want."

"NO! I changed my mind I don't really want to read those books after all." More like he would rather gouge out his eyes than read those books. "Well I've got to go. I'll talk to you later then Orihime."

"Okay. Bye Kurosaki-Kun!"

The Twilight Saga. Well that explained everything . Ichigo shuddered. No wonder Rukia had been so disturbed.

THUMP!

Rukia.

With a box.

Looking like she was about to murder Ichigo.

Oh Shit! Ichigo knew he had forgotten to do something.